[Xavier watches a Whoopsie Doodle commercial]
Clumso:
Whoopsie Doodle! There was a mix-up at the cookie factory! We made the cookies way too big, and the chocolate chips b-b-b-b-BLUE?!
Xavier:
My god! No one deserves a mix-up that bad. I've got to help those poor bastards.
Clumso:
Clumso the Cookie Chef really popped a boner into these yummy snacks! Blue Chocolate Whoopsie Doodles! Available for a limited time only!
Xavier:
Damn you, Clumso! How many times am I going to have to clean up your messes?! For this is my destiny...
Clumso:
Uh-oh! Now there was a factory mix-up! We accidentally mixed up the cookie factory with the tampon factory! Now our cookies absorb up to 2 pints of flavor!
Commercial Kid:
Yummy! And the light floral scent keep me feeling fresh all day!
Clumso:
These Blue-Chocolate-Chip Tampons are goo-ably, chewably huge! So huge, it hurts! Just slice and insert!
Commercial Mom:
They make it safe to wear white pants, and they're nice and huge.
Commercial Girl:
I gobble them, while they gobble my filth.
Commercial Man:
What do I care? [rides away flipping the camera off]
Commercial Girl #2:
It's my time...for my yummy -- Period.
Clumso:
Exclamation point!
Xavier:
Question mark?
Narrator:
If left in mouth more than three days, cookies may cause toxic shock.
Xavier:
Two factory screw-ups in one town! [sniffs] Something smells fishy, and I intend to get to the bottom of this barrel. [echoing] It is my destiny.
