Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #136

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,274 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Chief: The hell you doing here? Assy McGee: I need to investigate Exeter general. Chief: Forget it! You're on suspension! Assy McGee: Someone's stealing old people! IT'S ALL THERE! JUST READ IT! Chief: Don't you get it, McGee? The last thing the force needs right is your UGLY, PICKLED MUG BACK IN THE NEWSPAPERS! – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Chief: [on phone] Then bleach it and skip dinner. I don't care as long as it's clean. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Sanchez: Well, here we are, champ. You excited? They got canoe and don't forget we love you, no matter how much weight you lose or you don't lose. But try to work hard ad lose some weight, okay? [Rudolpho leaves to head to Fat Camp] Sanchez: [sighs] He ain't gonna lose a damn ounce. Brenda: DON! Sanchez: You want him to get the kid diabetes? HE'S ON A FAST TRACK FOR THAT! Brenda: I don't care about no diabetes. I just want him to be happy. Sanchez: Well, let me tell you something, Brenda -- Nothing about Fat Camp makes a kid happy. Brenda: Oh, ho, are you speaking from experience? Sanchez: YOU WANT TO GO DOWN THAT ROAD, HUH?! BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY A TERRIBLE CANDIDATE YOURSELF, PUMPKIN! Brenda: That's not what Gordon says, Sanchez: NOW IT'S "GORDON." HUH? It use to be "My Chiropractor Gordon". Sounds like he's looking for a new title! Brenda: Maybe you could lend him "WORLD'S BIGGEST ASSHOLE"! [Brenda kicks Sanchez out of the car] Sanchez: REAL CLASSY, YOU FAT BITCH! – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Barber: You know that rash of car deaths Sanchez was yapping about -- Old people randomly slamming their cars into brick walls? Assy McGee: Yeah. Barber: I heard maybe they ain't so random. Assy McGee: Why should I believe a [bleep] tard, fruit-flamer, brokeback fuzz like yourself? Barber: A barber hears things. Assy McGee: Well, hear this -- If I go out and waste my time investigating this lead ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU'RE WASTING MY CLOCK, I'LL CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR! – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Sanchez: I shoot I gotta go! Assy McGee: Who'd they partner you with? Sanchez: Nobody. I cashed in a couple of vacation days. I figured with Rudolpho off to camp, might be a good time for me and Brenda to work some stuff out. Assy McGee: Baseball Camp? Sanchez: Uh, no. He's not into -- Barber: Soccer? Sanchez: No, it's not really a, uh, a so -- Assy McGee: Band Camp? Sanchez: Oh, no he's -- Assy McGee: Theater Camp? Sanchez: Uh... Assy McGee: Astronaut Camp? Sanchez: I got to go. I'll talk to you later. Assy McGee: WHAT KIND OF CAMP IS IT, SANCHEZ?! – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Barber: Damn, you got soft skin, Assy, smooth as a baby's bottom. Assy McGee: Don't get any ideas, Father. Sanchez: [to Assy] Well, you're finally off the frontpage, pal. Nothin' but a bunch of old people dying in car crashes. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[after the CROPP incident with the old military man] Assy McGee: Let me save you some breath. Chief: That old-timer's in critical condition. Assy McGee: I don't now how many ways to say it, Chief. He wouldn't show me his hands. Chief: HE'S A PARAPELGIC! Assy McGee: NOBODY TOLD ME WHAT THAT MEANS! Chief: Well, you have plenty of time to learn, serving 5 to 10 for involuntary manslaughter. Assy McGee: Just tack it on to the life sentence God gave me. Chief: For now, two weeks no pay and mandatory counseling. Assy McGee: Counseling? Forget it. Johnny College ain't takin' a hike inside this head. Chief: You need help, Assy. Assy McGee: [annoyed] We done her, Chief? Chief: Unfortunately, we just might be. We just might be. Assy McGee: Well, good luck replacing integrity. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Mayor: So, as you can see, today I unveil my cops-read-to-old-people-program program, also known as CROPP. Sanchez: [to the Old Woman] "But the little train had to be on the tracks all by hisself." Look at him. He's a all alone right here. DiLorenzo: [to the Old Man] I lo-- I love you, mommy, a lot. I lo- love w-when you... Assy McGee: it was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the rosenbergs. I didn't know what I was doing in new York. Old Military Man: New York? No, I landed on Ohama. Stepped on an "S" mine. In this chair ever since. Assy McGee: Maybe this will cheer you up, commander. Old Military Man: An AK-49 long barrel?! Krautbuster! How did you-- Assy McGee: Johnson's War. My lai, March 1968. Souvenir from an uncooperative V.C. Colonel. "Hands up!" I said. But he wouldn't listen. [Assy then starts to have a PTSD moment where he hallucinate in a battlefield telling Mr. Charlie to raise his hands up] Assy McGee: Hands up! Hands up!, Mr. Charlie!" I'm gonna ask you one more time. Put...your...damn...HANDS...UP! Old Military Man: What the hell is wrong with you?! [Assy gunshots the old military men] Assy McGee: [returns to reality] Oops. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Assy give his moments to Glen] Assy McGee: I, uh...I'm gonna miss you, pal. You were the best. But, actually, the new guy's better. Don't worry about your dog. I had him euthanized. Assy McGee: Ohhhh. We got 'em. We got 'em back for you. We hit 'em all hard, real hard -- Kids, women. There was children all over the place. [chuckles] They won't grow up to be bad. Oh, Glen, Glen, Glen. I'll miss you, buddy. I'll miss you. Assy McGee: Now push over and make some room. [Assy gets inside the tub sliding into Glen's arms for this moment] – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Assy escapes the O'Briens family] Sanchez: Assy! What are you doin' here? Assy McGee: God has interceded and led me to Glen's killer. Dooley: O'Brien's in there? Assy McGee: All of them, douche -- The whole damn family. Tell me you brought trunk porn. Dooley: That's how I roll, baby. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Mikey O'Brien: Very brave, detective -- Riskin' your life for some two-bit bartender. Assy McGee: Not as brave as bangin' that horseface niece of yours. [referring to Kelly] – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Dooley brutally drowns him in the toilet] Dooley: Where the [bleep] is Mikey O'Brien? Marky: I-I don't know. Family wedding this weekend -- That's what I heard. The country club. I don't know. Maybe he'll be there. Dooley: That's good. Now get yourself right, my boy. [toilet flushes] – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Assy and Kelly secretly go to another room after doing the congo] Assy McGee: Always the bridesmaid, hey Juanita? Kelly: It's "Kelly." Assy McGee: [sniffs] Save those lips for dessert. Kelly: You're reckless. Assy McGee: You're sluty. [suddenly one of the bad guys who killed Glen opens the door closet] Mikey O'Brien: KELLY! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now, get the hell outta here. Assy McGee: Thanks for the blue balls, Mick. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Assy does stand up comedy] Assy McGee: ...And if that doesn't work, you might want to try adoption. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Sanchez: Whose place is this, anyway? Dooley: A hungry pigeon, that's who. [knocks on door] MARKY! We just want to talk to ya. [Marky open the door] Marky: What do you want, douche? Dooley: How's the old man? He and Terry still cuttin' lumber at Dugan's? Marky: Uh, you know, laid off -- Tending bar down the pig still. Dooley: Well, I'll have to stop in for a pint. I'll tell him I saw you and you look like you're finally getting your life together. Marky: Y-You'd do that for me? Dooley: Well, if you tell me where Mikey O'Brien is. Marky: Aw, come on, douche. I don't know nothin'. Dooley: You don't know nothin', do ya? [to Sanchez] Stretch your legs for me, will ya, detective? Sanchez: Your show. [Dooley straight up kicks Marky's door] – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Mayor and Chief play tennis while talking about Glen's death] Mayor: Got to take stone grapes to walk in a bar broad daylight... [grunts] ...shoot my city's most beloved bartender. Chief: Yeah. He was practically one of our own, damn it. I'm tellin' you, man, my men are pissed! I won't be able to keep them on a leash much longer. Mayor: This reek of the O'briens to you? Chief: No question about it. Mayor: Well, that filthy, potato-peelin' family of narrowbacks is gonna cost me the next election! Chief: Those sons of bitches still smell of the pee. Mayor: Nice. Damn, that's a small ball, huh? That thing don't bounce! Yeah, I don't want to play this one no more. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kelly: Hey, were have you been? Assy McGee: Put some sneakers and meet me on the dance floor. Daddy feels like bumpin' fronts. Kelly: Okay. [smooches] [Assy blushed] – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Assy get drunk and hallucinates Glen who is originally another bartender] Assy McGee: [drunk] Glen? You've been reincarnated into a shirtless asshole? Gimme six dyslexic indians. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Dooley spends time with Sanchez in the car] Father: Tommy Dooley. How goes it, my son? Dooley: Tryin' to keep the faith, Father. Save me a few hail marys, will ya? Girls: [seductively] Hey, Dooley. Sanchez: [irritated] You mind rollin' the window up there, Tom? Dooley: Get to know the people, Sanchez -- That's what I do. That's what my Father did and his Father did and his Father did. Sanchez: Well, can you get to know them when I don't have the A/C on full blast, please? Dooley: Five men stand high on a ledge. Four decide to jump. How many are left, Sanchez? Sanchez: Mm...one. Maybe one left. Dooley: WRONG! FIVE! You see, Donnie, there's a might difference between deciding and doing. Sanchez: Just keep the window up in the future, please. Dooley: Yeah, perhaps I'll decide to! Sanchez: Why don't you decide to keep the window up?! Dooley: It doesn't matter if I don't do it. Sanchez: Just keep the window up, please! Dooley: Don't you understand? I can decide-- Sanchez: JUST KEEP UP THE WINDOW! Dooley: [rolls the window up] Alright, then. There ya go. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Chief: Dooley, you're ridin' with Sanchez. Sanchez: Dooley? The douche? Uh, sir, I respectfully decline. I mean, this guy-- DiLorenzo: Sanchez and Douche. Sounds like a freakin' country-western team or somethin'. Dooley: [to DiLorenzo] Ya blow your Mom with those lips, ya fat, ugly wop bastard? [brutally slaps DiLorenzo out of his seat] Chief: [laughs] Sanchez: That's the kind of stuff I'm talkin' about. Chief: The [bleep] douche. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Chief: I know it's been a tough week for everyone. This is what they did to him. [Chief shows a picture of Glen getting shot and getting choked on a egg] Chief: To the best of my knowledge, he didn't even like eggs, so there's a very good chance that was forced into his mouth. – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Assy prays for the Lord] Assy McGee: You know, I ain't always done right by you, Lord. But it's always the wrong reason. Figure that makes us about even. OH, MY GOD! Let's retreat and live by your tenets 24/7. [gulps] Assy McGee: What's the point of it all? I dare you to give me a reason to live. [point the gun on himself] JUST GIVE ME ON [bleep] REASON TO DO THIS! WHY SHOULD I LIVE WITH THIS PAIN?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! [cuts to the next scene that the scene originally started as a wedding event] Kelly: Oh, my god. Are you okay? Assy McGee: [falling miserably on the floor] All life is suffering. Kelly: Oh. Like, so, do you need a lift to the reception? Assy McGee: OPEN BAR! – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[the people who remembered Glen came to his ceremony] Police Officer #1: He'd put on whatever game you wanted if you asked a few times. Police Officer #2: Eh. Bastard sure could change a keg. Police Officer #3: Yeah, that was Glen. That was Glen. DiLorenzo: Walked in on him nailin' my sister once. Uh...sounded consensual. Policer Officer #4: [to Glen's Wife] And no matter how unpredictable your life was, you always knew you'd hear when you walked in. All: "How'd ya do on that aids test?" – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Soccer Announcer: ...Crazy out here, Tommy. I can't believe it. I can't believe what I'm seeing. And that should do it. Tottenham shuts out Manchester, 3-nil, and Paint Me Nuts Purple if this ain't the EPL upset of the year! – Assy McGee Movie Quote	added 6 months ago

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