Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #19

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,718 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Mysterious Caller:
You have 3 chances to guess who I am, and if you've ruined too many lives to get it right, I guess you just deserve to die.

Double-Wide:
This is Double Wide. Did I do something to piss you off?

Mysterious Caller:
No.

Double-Wide:
Then can you gas us again but this time, drop me off somewhere?

Mysterious Caller:
[sighs] You know, I really wish you'd asked me before I had to do the thing with the batteries. I mean, I'm gonna be really behind schedule if we start that again.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after the Mysterious Caller controlled C.A.R.R. to release the sleep gas for Stroker and Hoop again for the battery being out of his walkie talkie]

Stroker:
Ugh. My head again.

Myserious Caller:
I apologize about the batteries. Um, generics.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker tries to use his gun break C.A.R.R.'s windows]

Mysterious Caller:
Those windows are bulletproof plastic. I installed them myself.

Stroker:
What the hell?

Double-Wide:
It's coming from the glove compartment.

[Stroker grabs the walkie talkie from the glove compartment]

Stroker:
Who the hell are you?

Mysterious Caller:
Wouldn't you like to know? [evil laugh]

Hoop:
I'm sorry. Can you talk normally? You're just kind of creeping me out.

Mysterious Caller:
Maybe I want you creeped out. Maybe you ruined my life, Stroker and Hoop, and now it's my turn-- [goes off]

Double-Wide:
The battery is dead.

Stroker:
Hello?

[cuts to the next scene where the Mysterious Caller is in a different room still talking about his sad moments]

Mysterious Caller:
Do you know how many sleepless nights I cried, cursing your names? Do you know what it feels like to have your life torn apart? Well, do you? Hello? Hello? Are you even listening to me? [bleep].

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Coroner Rick:
[on Stroker's phone] Ricky here. Oh, hey Angel. Oh, Stroker went with the fellas to get some buns. Yeah. He left his cellphone here. Later, Angel.

Coroner Rick:
[thinking] Huh, something is not right. The guys left 3 hours ago on a bun run. I don't want to be paranoid, but just to be safe, I'd better take Stroker's phone with me while I go inside and watch his pornography.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker suddenly realized that they're all stuck to a construction crane]

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., what the hell is going on?

C.A.R.R.:
I don't know. Someone reprogrammed me.

Stroker:
Unlock the door, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
I'm sorry, Stroker. I no longer respond to your commands.

Double-Wide:
As your mechanic, I order you to unlock the doors.

C.A.R.R.:
What if I can't?

Double-Wide:
I'm gonna urinate all over your back seat.

C.A.R.R.:
I'm sorry, Double-Wide. I'm totally helpless.

Double-Wide:
Don't worry, guys. I have a backup plan. I found an empty two-liter bottle back here.

[D. Wide pisses in the empty bottle]

Double-Wide:
Ohh, dear god, that feels nice.

C.A.R.R.:
[to Double-Wide] No splashing.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after the crew got dazed out from the pink gas that C.A.R.R. released]

Stroker:
Ow, my head.

Hoop:
Oh, what's my change doing on the ceiling?

Double-Wide:
Can you let me out, Hoop? I got to whiz.

Hoop:
Actually, I-I can't.

Double-Wide:
Oh, [bleep] no!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Double-Wide:
Hey, guys, doesn't this remind you of the time we drove across country from the deep south?

C.A.R.R.:
Yeah. That was something. Hey, you know what that really reminds me of?

Hoop:
What?

C.A.R.R.:
The time I was reprogrammed to knock you guys out with gas and kidnap you.

Hoop:
[laughs] ...Actually, I don't remember that time.

Stroker:
Yeah, what the hell are you talking about, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, that's right. It's happening now.

[C.A.R.R. suddenly release pink gas making the guys cough]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Hmm, where the hell are those buns? I could've sworn I--

C.A.R.R.:
You must've left a bag at the checkout.

Stroker:
Damn it, Hoop.

C.A.R.R.:
Hey, Stroker, you better come with Hoop to get more buns. He can't be trusted.

Double-Wide:
I'll come, too. I don't want you guys buying the cheap buns.

Coroner Rick:
See you later, guys! I'll just sit here with my thumb up my ass!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
Ahh, it's nice cooking out, huh? Hey, doesn't this remind you of The Last Cookout? Remember I was wearing an eye patch because C.A.R.R. had shot my eye and, you know, we'd just tangled with Judd Winner, the King of Porn? Remember that. Yeah. I remember like it was yesterday.

[shows a flashback ending clip from Episode 5]

Double-Wide:
Hold on. Hold on. Stroker, we were all there. We don't need to hear about it verbatim. This isn't some dumb flashback episode in a sitcom.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Coroner Rick:
So, Hoop, how's your new play coming?

Hoop:
Unfortunately, we blew out budget on some earlier plays. So we have to do this new one on the cheap.

Coroner Rick:
How do you do a play on the cheap?

Hoop:
Well, you know -- Fewer sets, fewer actors, reusing props from other plays.

Coroner Rick:
Well, that sounds like it'll suck.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[as Hoop and Giggles were about to jump]

Hoop:
On my count. 5...

Hoop & Giggles:
4, 3, 2...

Hoop's Mom:
Hoopy, don't jump!

Hoop:
MOM! You're alive?

Hoop's Mom:
That's right, Hoopy, your Rose is still in bloom!

Hoop:
Ohh, thank god! But it doesn't change the fact that I'm just a worthless advertising whore!

Hoop's Mom:
After two days, Hoopy? Advertising provides a necessary service. Why, without advertising, there would be no television. Newspapers, or -- Or talking urinals.

Hoop:
Do you really believe that, Mom?

Hoop's Mom:
No. But I'll say anything to keep you from committing suicide.

Hoop:
What do you say, Giggles? Are you with me?

Brandon Blanc:
[Giggles' voice] Let's do it.

[Brandon (Giggles) jumps off the billboard]

Brandon Blanc:
[Giggles' voice] WHEE!

Hoop:
Oh, my god! I meant with me the other way.

[Brandon Blanc (Giggles) dies after falling from the billboard]

Coroner Rick:
Face down every time. [laughs]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Giggles, stop!

Brandon Blanc:
You're too late. Seconds from now, the whole world will watch Stroganoff and I somersault off this billboard! [Giggles' voice] And then I'll finally be FREEEE! [giggles]

Hoop:
Let Stroganoff go, Giggles. I'll jump with you. We're the real victims of advertising -- You and me, the people who give their creative talents too freely to giant corporations.

Brandon Blanc:
[Giggles' voice] I feel like such a whore.

Hoop:
Let him go, Giggles. He doesn't belong up here. We do.

Brandon Blanc:
Ok.

Stroker:
Sweet. [walks away]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Giggles:
Do you know I have 95% awareness in this country? That's 285 million people who know my name. That's more than the vice-president.

Stroker:
Pathetic, isn't it?

Giggles:
No, it's not. It's beautiful. Brandon Blanc is nobody, but Giggles is a star! I'M BIGGER THAN BRAD PITT!

Stroker:
Who the hell is Brandon Blanc?

[Giggles takes off his mascot head revealing himself as Brandon Blanc]

Brandon Blanc:
I am. I got this job out of College, 20 years ago. I don't have any other skills. [Giggles' voice] Giggles is all I am.

Brandon Blanc:
The night Rose retired, Jackson told me they were gonna kill Giggles. [Giggles' voice] So I killed him first. It was self-defense!

Stroker:
Sure, yeah, self-defense.

Brandon Blanc:
I destroyed his files. I thought I was safe. But then you came along and killed Giggles again.

Stroker:
[worried laugh] Now, what? Killed Giggles? No, that was just the teaser, man. Before I introduced a new edgier you.

Brandon Blanc:
Edgier me?

Stroker:
Yeah, you were gonna tear your mask off so we could see the real you. You know, looking all sweaty and crazed. Giggles the Suicidal Loser in a Bear Costume. Maybe you can spin it-- [laughs] I'm sorry!

Brandon Blanc:
Am I a joke to you?

Stroker:
Come on, Brandon, there's still plenty of things you can do, like, uh-- There's grocery store openings and birthday parties. You could sign autographs at nerd conventions, maybe even get some nerd tail.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Coroner Rick help Hoop's Mom escape prison while she still has the knife]

Coroner Rick:
Look, can't you take that knife away? We're safe now.

Hoop's Mom:
We're not safe till these cut-up 65-year-old ass cheeks of mine are as far away from that prison as possible.

Coroner Rick:
Rose, Rose, be careful with that thing.

Hoop's Mom:
Can't you do something about all this traffic?!

Coroner Rick:
What the? Some idiot is up on that billboard threatening to jump. [out the car window] GO AHEAD, BUDDY, JUMP! I GOT PLENTY OF ROOM IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Coroner Rick have his moments with Hoop's Mom]

Coroner Rick:
[crying] Oh, Rose. Rose.

Hoop's Mom:
You'll need to get me out of here.

Coroner Rick:
[gasp] Damn. I knew you couldn't have eaten enough ribs yet to have your blood smell like prison barbecue sauce.

Hoop's Mom:
Put me in the van. I'm escaping.

Coroner Rick:
I'm digging your new gutsiness, but I can't. You know that's a federal offense.

Hoop's Mom:
You'd better help me, unless you want a colombian jockstrap. [grabs him while pulling out her knife]

Coroner Rick:
Alright. But I take back that thing about digging your gutsiness.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
[on phone] Hello?

C.A.R.R.:
Hoop, get over here! Giggles has taken Stroker hostage!

Hoop:
What?

C.A.R.R.:
He's making him climb up the Freshen Up billboard. [gasp] I think they're gonna jump.

[Hoop gets another call]

Hoop:
Hold on a second.

C.A.R.R.:
He's going to die.

Hoop:
Hello?

Coroner Rick:
Hoop, bad news. I don't know how else to say this, so--

C.A.R.R.:
I'm still on the line.

Hoop:
Sorry. I must have hit conference instead of flash.

C.A.R.R.:
Hold on. Let me give you the address.

Coroner Rick:
C.A.R.R., please. I have some horrible news for Hoop.

C.A.R.R.:
So do I! Stroker's been kidnapped.

Coroner Rick:
Your Mom's dead.

Hoop:
Dead wrong? She was dead wrong about something?

Coroner Rick:
She was dead wrong about living to see tomorrow, I guess.

Hoop:
[sobs] Oh, my god.

Coroner Rick:
It's ok, buddy. It's ok. Let it out. I'm so sorry.

C.A.R.R.:
So anyway, we're at the 140 at Canejo. If you get a chance--

Coroner Rick:
C.A.R.R.!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
Take me to the old rack shack, C.A.R.R. We're gonna celebrate my Super Bowl ad with some ribs and boobs.

C.A.R.R.:
I'm sorry, Stroker. I let ya down. He made my upholstery so lovably soft, I couldn't help myself.

Stroker:
What are you talking about?

[Giggles appears inside the car holding a gun at Stroker]

Stroker:
Giggles, buddy! Dude, I was just asking for your number upstairs. I want to party with Giggles! We're going to the Super Bowl, baby!

Giggles:
You thought it was funny to shoot me. Well, turnabout is fair play.

Stroker:
Oh, come on, what are you talking about, G? I'm your hugest fan. You're like, the reason I started using Freshen Up.

[Giggles sniffs Stroker knowing that Stroke doesn't used that kind of product]

Giggles:
Nice try. Now drive, b*tch.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop's Mom meets her match with Chica]

Chica:
Yo, Rose, you and me, we got some unfinished business.

Hoop's Mom:
About the knives, Chica, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Chica:
Oh, no, I ain't accepting no apologies. Cost me two kilos of H and half the Mahjongg racket to buy my way out of solitary.

Hoop's Mom:
No, no, it's not an apology. It's something else.

Chica:
Oh, yeah? What is that?

[Hoop's Mom then pulls out a knife and stabbed Chica right in the gut]

Hoop's Mom:
I didn't turn them all in, [bleep]. Mess with the Rose, and you're gonna get the thorns.

Coroner Rick:
Way to go, Rose!

Hoop's Mom:
I can't take it anymore, Coroner Rick!

[Hoop's Mom slits her throat]

Coroner Rick:
OH, GOD! NOOO! [climbs the barbed-wires]

Police Officer Guard:
What the hell are you doing? You can use a door. You work here.

Coroner Rick:
I know, I know. Dumb idea.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop's Mom:
Where's Hoop, meeting with The Warden?

Coroner Rick:
He couldn't be here.

Hoop's Mom:
He's busy tracking down a lead on the real killer, isn't he?

Coroner Rick:
Not exactly. He was too upset to visit. I'm afraid the Fabric Softener people went with another pitch.

Hoop's Mom:
That selfish yuppie bastard! Tell Hoopy I was thinking of him in his designer necktie as I was getting my colombian one.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker plays the tape of the Freshen Up advert he made while getting drunk]

Giggles:
[giggles] Why am I so happy? Because I'm fresh and static free!

[cuts to the next scene where Stroker shoots the tv of the Freshen Up commercial]

Stroker:
After about the 500th time you saw that ad, did you want to put a bullet in Giggles' head? I sure as hell did, and after 35 years, so did the good people at Freshen Up. That's why Freshen Up Fabric Softener is now F.U.

Stroker:
F.U. is strong enough for a man, with the clean, fresh scent that's scientifically proven to make chicks want to [bleep] you off.

Stroker:
F.U. is a lot like me -- Hip, extreme, in your face, hip -- Especially for kids in College. Fabric Softener goes in the dryer. Try it. And when they ask you what your secret with chicks is, tell them, "F.U., pal"!

Stroker:
Alright, cut. Print that b*tch.

Fabric Softener Slut:
Now can I get my money?

Stroker:
No, you can't get your money now. You're only half finished.

[ad ends]

Tommy:
It's so guerilla. It's genius!

Hoop:
If you like that, you're gonna love Freshen Up: Extreme. Now picture this: We get Tony Hawk.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
[whispers to Stroker] I stole a peek at Johnson and Buhl's storyboards. And it's a couple of college kids who get their laundry mixed up. They end up having sex on top of the dryers. That's pretty good. I've got a whole thing going with extreme sports that I think is going to kill. But I want to go last so I can subtly criticize their pitch.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Coroner Rick:
Hoop, I have some terrible news. Your Mom was stabbed in the ass yesterday.

Hoop:
[gasp] How is she?

Coroner Rick:
Oh, it was touch and go there for a while, but they were able to save both cheeks.

Hoop:
Oh, thank god! I can still make the pitch meeting.

Coroner Rick:
Come on, we got to get to that prison. They're not putting your Mom in protective custody because ass stabbings are considered warnings, but that Chica -- OOH!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Giggles:
Hopowitz. Hopowitz!

Hoop:
Giggles?

Giggles:
I brought you some pizza. We got to burn the midnight oil.

Hoop:
How did you get in here?

Giggles:
Pretty funny about Tommy not thinking I'm cool enough to rep Freshen Up. What's his dealio, bro? He should take a chill pill, dawg. I'm totally old school, G. KICK IT!

[Giggles make beats]

Giggles:
[raps] My name is MC Giggles and I'd like to say it's dope to stay soft the Freshen Up way!

Hoop:
Giggles, stop. Giggles, stop! I don't really think--

Giggles:
Forget rap. It's totally wack, bra. Dig this. Freshen Up Extreme! Put me on a snowboard, Hopowitz. Light me on fire and throw me out of a [bleep] airplane!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Freshen Up Fabric Softener-- Because your penis should be hard, not your clothes. God! I'm such a hack.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

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