Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #20

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,718 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Coroner Rick sees Hoop's Mom in the hospital that got her butt injured]

Coroner Rick:
What are you doing here?

Hoop's Mom:
I got shivved in the ass by the Senior Senoritas. What are you doing here?

Coroner Rick:
Oh. Oh, I pick up all the dead bodies at the prison.

Hoop's Mom:
Can you get a message to the outside for me? Can you tell Hoop to visit? I'm not going to last in here much longer.

Coroner Rick:
I'll tell him, Rose. You get well, soon.

Hoop's Mom:
Enjoy your lunch.

Coroner Rick:
Oh, that's not my lunch. That's eyeballs. One of the Senior Senoritas caught an Aryan oldie cheating at Bingo. [laughs] Ah, old people.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop's Mom sees a soap on the ground while taking a shower]

Female Inmate #2:
Can you pick that up for me?

Hoop's Mom:
[thinking] I've heard a lot of jokes about dropping the soap in the shower, and I'm pretty sure those jokes are about anal rape, but wouldn't that just be in a man's prison? Soap is awfully slippery, and it would be awkward if she came over here to pick it up.

Hoop's Mom:
[thinking] Well, here goes nothing.

[as Hoop's Mom picks the soap up]

Female Inmate #2:
Thank you, dear.

Hoop's Mom:
[thinking] See, Rose? Nothing to worry about. You got yourself all worked up in a lather over nothing. [laughs] Lather! Over soap! Oh, Rose! [laughs]

[Hoop's Mom then got mysteriously stabbed in the butt]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop gets a call from Hoop's Mom in prison]

Hoop's Mom:
Why are you late, Hoopy? We only have 5 minutes now.

Hoop:
I promised myself I wasn't going to leave until I had at least 10 freshen up taglines written.

Hoop's Mom:
Listen to me carefully. We don't have much time. My roommate, Chica, she's the Head of the Senior Senoritas. They run the heroin trade and the Mahjongg gambling. She's gonna have me whacked!

Hoop:
Well, if it cheers you up, your son got a really important assignment at work.

Hoop's Mom:
DID YOU HEAR ME?

Hoop:
Yeah, but we only have 5 minutes, Mom. Don't you want to hear about me, too?

Hoop's Mom:
Chica is going to cut my tits off, if you don't get me out of here!

Hoop:
Come on, Mom! What would they want with your tits?

Hoop's Mom:
HOOP!

Hoop:
...Why are you always sabotaging me?

Hoop's Mom:
What are you talking about? I'm not sure I can survive on the inside, Hoop.

Hoop:
[angry] Well, I'm not sure I can survive in the dog-eat-dog world of advertising, so we're even!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop's Mom:
[to the police officer] Excuse me. I found these tidying up around Chica's bunk last night. I thought they should be returned to the kitchen.

Chica:
Hey, those aren't mine.

Hoop's Mom:
Of course they are, dear. They were tucked inside that little hollowed-out part of your mattress.

Police Officer:
Let's go, Chica.

Chica:
You are dead, b*tch!

Hoop's Mom:
She'll change her tune after a good night's rest. Sandy was the same way. If she didn't get 8 solid hours, watch out! [laughs]

Chica:
I'M GONNA SLIT YOUR THROAT! THEN I'M GONNA SLICE YOUR TITS OFF!

Hoop's Mom:
[cover her breasts while worried] That's just how we talk to each other. Bye, Chica! I hope you get your tits sliced off, too.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Buhl:
Hey, cats, how's the brainstorming coming?

Stroker:
Great.

Buhl:
We're gonna watch some director's reels this afternoon if you want to hang.

Hoop:
You're already finished?

Buhl:
We jammed out a bunch of concepts last night. Feeling good. We're gonna blow you guys away.

Hoop:
[whispered to Stroker] You can tell they're really creative because they've got tons of toys in their offices.

[while Stroker keeps getting hit with one of the toy balls that Buhl is shooting with a nerf-like gun]

Stroker:
[pulls out his gun on Buhl] SHOOT ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, AND WILL [bleep] DROP YOU.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
According to this file, Jackson cut your Mom's retirement benefits 3 weeks before she left. That's motive.

Hoop:
More bad news. Says here that 83% of College kids have heard of Freshen Up, but only 42% have a favorable reaction to the brand. Damn it!

Stroker:
You need to get some sleep.

Hoop:
It's not that. I'm only using my left hand this week. It's supposed to supercharge your creative juices.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop's Mom:
You know, Chica, I haven't had a roommate since College. I just hope you and I can be as good of friends as Sandy and I were. They called us the Tuttle Twins because we lived in Tuttle Hall.

Chica:
I had a roommate once that wouldn't shut up. So I gave her a colombian necktie.

Hoop's Mom:
I once gave my son Hoopy a peruvian sweater even though he had a bad report card.

Chica:
It means I slit her throat and pulled her tongue out the whole.

Hoop's Mom:
[scared straight]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop's Mom meet her new female prison roommate]

Hoop's Mom:
Oh, you must be Chica. I'm Rose. Welcome home, roomie.

Chica:
Don't touch my bunk, b*tch.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[meanwhile, Hoop's Mom gets taken to Senior Women's Jail]

Hoop's Mom:
I'm so glad there's a separate wing for senior woman. I feel so much safer.

Female Inmate:
Hey, take a look! Fresh fish!

All Female Inmates:
[chanting] Fresh fish!

Hoop's Mom:
[gets along] Fresh fish! Fresh fish! Thank you! It's been a very hard couple of days, and you don't know what a welcome like this makes me feel.

Hoop's Mom:
I'm looking forward to enjoying the fresh fish with all of you tonight!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
Tommy, does fabric softener go in the washer or the dryer?

Tommy:
That's what I'm talking about! We need to educate these kids on fabric softening fundamentals. [to Buhl and Brenden] Don't assume they know something just because you do.

Stroker:
[whispers to Hoop] Man, I don't know why I was so worried. These people don't know dick about what they're doing.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Buhl:
What shop were you with in London?

Hoop:
Little boutique called, um...

Stroker:
Called, uh...stack of papers.

Johnson:
Oh, yeah, sure, stack of papers. They're pretty hot right now. You done anything we've heard of?

Stroker:
Yeah, I did some pretty sexy stuff for Lipton.

Buhl:
Lipton?

Stroker:
Yeah, a little ad called tea-bagging time. Don't imagine that played over here, though. Americans are so repressed.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Mom's tight with Ginny at Human Resources. She's agreed to pretend that Jackson offered us jobs the day he was killed. It's the perfect cover for going into the agency.

Stroker:
Listen, Hoop. I can't take another pro bono case right now, alright? There's a disturbing pattern of me taking cases and then not getting paid.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

C.A.R.R.:
[to Stroker] There's hair on your vest. Is that dead people hair? If it's dead people hair, I'm braking.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Coroner Rick:
Listen, Hoop. Jackson's Mistress heard him saying goodbye to your Mom on his cellphone just before he was killed.

Hoop:
You think she's guilty?

Stroker:
He's not saying that. Right, Coroner Rick?

Coroner Rick:
Don't worry, Hoop. Your Mom's tough enough to get through this. I mean, after all, she was tough enough to bash in a man's skull. [laughs]

Hoop:
[tries to strangle Coroner Rick] YOU SON OF A B*TCH!

Coroner Rick:
Go ahead, Hoop, blame the messenger.

[as Hoop and Coroner Rick brawled, the body of Jackson Jefferson fell off the cart]

Coroner Rick:
Oh, crap. How come they always land face down like that? [laughs]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Coroner Rick observes the cube that was shoved into Jackson Jefferson's forehead]

Stroker:
What does it say, Coroner Rick?

Coroner Rick:
Let's see. "Imagination and Innovation, Strategic Synergy, Brand Empowerment", and some other [bleep].

Stroker:
What kind of brainwashed boot-licking idiot would be inspired by a glass cube?

Coroner Rick:
Well, you should ask Hoop's Mom. It belonged to her.

Hoop:
This was not Mom's cube. They made one for everyone in the company.

Coroner Rick:
Your Mom had the only inspiration cube, Hoop. It was a prototype.

Hoop:
Someone stole it from her.

Coroner Rick:
Sure buddy.

Hoop:
[to Stroker] When did "Sure" stop meaning sure?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[suddenly a SWAT team arrives and breaks into Hoop's house arresting Hoop's Mom]

SWAT Officer:
Rose Schwartz, you're under arrest for the murder of Jackson Jefferson.

Hoop's Mom:
[to his son] They're grinding glass into my linoleum! MAKE THEM STOP!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Jackson gives Hoop's Mom a present]

Hoop's Mom:
Oh, my god, it's a giant diamond!

Jackson:
No, it's a paperweight.

Hoop's Mom:
[reads the cube] "Strategic Synergy"?

Jackson:
It's inscribed with the words we live by at Jefferson and Saperstein. You'll all be getting glass cubes next week. I'd like you to keep them on your desk as a source of inspiration.

Hoop's Mom:
That cheap bastard.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Jackson:
I had to chance to do some thinking. Why do we have a passion for cheating groundbreaking advertising? Is it for our clients? Is it for ourselves? Is it for that glamour of bagging yet another prestigious advertising award?

Red Shirt Guy:
It's for your yacht! [laughter]

Jackson:
We do it for the people-- For the hispanic guy who waters our plants, for the mumbly lady who vacuums the floors, for the security guard who stares just a little too hard.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Alien Stroker sees a UFO crash from Sapphirea]

Stroker:
Help! We're from the Planet Goldia, and we need a giant...ball of gold to power our ship. This isn't oxygen. [dies]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
Now steer us back to the nearest earth jail!

Khan'Ja:
I'm afraid your gun is useless against my rock-hard alien skin.

Stroker:
You're lying.

Khan'Ja:
You don't believe me? Shoot me, then! [rips out her bra for the chest] Shoot me! But don't blame me if the bullet ricochets and--

[Stroker shoots Khan'Ja to the chest]

Khan'Ja:
[screams in pain]

Stroker:
Sorry, babe. You're a good bluffer, but if there's one thing I know, it's that your skin isn't rock hard. It's supple and sweet. And I should know. I spent a lot of time feeling it when you were unconscious.

Khan'Ja:
So this is how it ends, huh? Dead on a carpet. Sunset Beige. Our plush-cut line. I know the patterns, but I--

[Stroker shoots Khan'Ja again once more]

Hoop:
BRAVO! Man, that was a great death scene. ENCORE!

Stroker:
She is dead, Hoop.

Hoop:
I know, but still.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker and Hoop catch the two aliens inside their alien ship]

Hoop:
Man, this is really elaborate. Kudos to the prop designer. By the way, how did you fake the UFO crash?

Stroker:
Hoop, please. They used the old flashlight and slide whistle trick, like on "The Brady Bunch".

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[as Khan'Ja ran out of bullets]

Stroker:
It's over!

Hoop:
Like my acting career is over? You just shot the reviewer from "The Valley Vista Penny Saver"!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
Where's the money?

Meryl:
The money?

Stroker:
That money was mine.

Meryl:
That money was yours?

Stroker:
If you repeat what I said one more time, I shoot.

Steve:
[to Meryl] You can have the money. I just don't want to die.

Stroker:
Don't give her your damn money, Steve.

Steve:
[to Meryl] You can't have my money.

Stroker:
I got to admit, you pulled a nice little con. Wardrobe designed a sexy alien bikini. Makeup handled your green skin. Your fellow actors posed as FBI when you cleaned out my house. You even arranged a little sex scene so you could steal the bank account numbers out of my pocket. But you didn't count on one thing.

Meryl:
What's that?

Stroker:
I don't know. Ah, it just felt dramatic.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
The contracts.

Meryl:
Your contracts?

Hoop:
That's what I [bleep] said, the Kuperman Contracts. Are you deaf?

[Stroker runs in the act while pointing the gun to his brother]

Stroker:
Well, well, well. I must say, you looked better when you were green.

Meryl:
Stroker?

Stroker:
Thanks for calling me, Hoop.

Steve:
Please don't shoot me.

Stroker:
Well, next time, just getting the car willingly, and I won't have to use the gun, Steve, ok?

Hoop:
[still acting] Excuse me, guys. The store is closed. Come back tomorrow. [to Meryl] So anyway, about these [bleep] contracts? Yeah, I really want them!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

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