Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #24

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,956 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Nightshade:
First of all, as I'm sure the Special Fathers will tell you, hunting vampires, well, forget everything you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk.

Special Sister:
Sunlight?

Nightshade:
Oh, no. Actually, okay. Sunlight is real. Sunlight can kill a vampire. But --

Special Sister:
Stake in the heart?

Nightshade:
Ho-- Yeah, hold on. Let me give you my spiel, okay?

Special Sister:
Sorry.

Nightshade:
Forget what you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk.

Special Father #1:
You know, uh, Nightshade, I've heard that line in the movies.

Special Father #2:
Oh, I have a too.

Nightshade:
CAN I CONTINUE?

Special Father #1:
Sorry, go ahead.

Nightshade:
So, crosses -- They work, right? No, they don't. If crosses worked, would we have Vampire Altar Boys.

Special Sister:
Oh, right. The Altar Boy carries the cross.

Nightshade:
Garlic -- Just a mild food allergy. If you wanna give the vampire the runs, cook them ziti with some garlic sauce.

Special Sister:
Good to know. GET READY TO [bleep] VAMPIRES!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Archie:
This is Nightshade. He knows how to sharpen a stake, shall we say. Nightshade, I'm sure you know who these two men are.

Nightshade:
I'm familiar with your work. Welcome to San Francisco, or as I call it, "San Fran".

Archie:
And this is a Special Sister. A little less experienced with vampires than her colleagues, perhaps, but she --

Nightshade:
The most deadly assassin nun the catholic church has ever produced. You need no introduction.

Special Sister:
Thanks, kid. But why don't you take your lips off my ass and just tell me who to kill. [points the crossbow at Nightshade]

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[when the Special Fathers and Sister, plus Archie arrives at an arms-dealer store]

Special Sister:
Can I bring this cognac?

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Archie:
Vampire Altar Boys are preying on priests throughout the city -- Vampire choirboys, too.

Special Father #1:
All due respect, uh, Archie, but we got out of the vampire game a long time ago. We are searching now for the --

Archie:
I-I'm aware of your mission, Father, but this problem is especially acute for us. We believe this is the first wave of an all-out vampire assault against the church.

Special Father #1:
Archie, uh, the Jesuits have a great training program. I know three or four good vampire guys have come out --

Archie:
Dead.

Special Father #1:
What?

Archie:
Dead. They're all dead. You're our last hope.

Special Sister:
Sorry to interrupt. I don't know if you know much about the antichrist, but her presence on earth means the END OF DAYS! Vampire Choirboys will be the least of your problems if we don't complete our mission.

Special Father #2:
Hey, I got a idea. Maybe we kill the antichrist, and then we check in with you about the vampires before we go back to Rome.

Archie:
YOU WILL HELP US WITH THIS PROBLEM RIGHT NOW! [clears throat] Or perhaps you'd like to face criminal charges in this country for some of your less orthodox antichrist hunting methods.

[Archie shows pictures of the Special Fathers and Sister killing the good citizens throughout every episode they have gone through]

Special Sister:
WHAT THE [bleep]! The Pope himself sent us.

Special Father #1:
Sister! Sister!

Special Sister:
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?

Special Father #1:
Stop.

Special Sister:
No.

Special Father #1:
Yes.

Special Sister:
[growls]

Special Father #1:
Thank you. Watch TV.

[Special Sister watches TV]

Special Father #1:
We understand, Archie. Perhaps we can help. After all, the concerns of the church are our concerns as well.

Special Father #1:
Oh! Oh, my god! I totally forgot. Uh, we left our vampire stuff back at Rome.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Archbishop Gomez:
We've got a problem, a big problem, and we need your help.

Special Father #1:
What is it, Archbishop Gomez?

Archie:
That's alright, you can call me Archie. Everyone does.

Special Father #1:
Okay, Archie.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Lucy:
[to the meat version of Lucy] What are you looking at, fatty? Fatty fat face.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[while The Senator gives out his speech for a school campaign]

Senator Whitehead:
Thank you for coming out today. I just wanted to call attention to this new school, this flower that bloomed here between the cracks of the pavement.

[suddenly a person arrives that came out of the bus]

Dom:
Senator, my name's Dom. I'm a registered sex offender, and I'm here to support you.

Senator Whitehead:
Oh. Okay. Thank you. Dom.

Dom:
We're all here to personally thank you for providing housing for us in the new condominiums.

[suddenly a cloth banner reveals the sign that said "Welcome Sex Offenders"]

Newsreporter:
Senator, do you think this is a good idea?

Senator Whitehead:
...

Sex Offender:
Three cheers for Senator Whitehead. Hip-hip hooray! Hip-hop hooray! Hip-hip hooray!

Senator Whitehead:
[to someone] Get that banner down and shut those [bleep] up.

[while the sex offenders keep cheering "Hip-Hip Hooray"]

Senator Whitehead:
STOP THAT! STOP IT!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[while Tad keeps making sex of the Meat Lucy, he suddenly gets a phone call]

Tad:
[on phone] Hello?

Satan:
Hey, Tad. It's Satan.

Tad:
Hey. [to Lucy] It's your Dad.

Lucy:
DAD!

Satan:
What are you doing, man.

Lucy:
DAD!

Tad:
Nothing, just working.

Lucy:
IT'S LUCY!

Satan:
World's best busboy.

Lucy:
DAD!

Satan:
How's the -- How's biz?

Tad:
It's alright.

Satan:
Good, good.

Lucy:
DAD!

Satan:
You enjoying yourself over there?

Tad:
Yeah, yeah. It's fine.

Satan:
I told you it was gonna be --

Lucy:
I'M TIED UP WITH MEAT!

Tad:
Yeah, it's alright.

Satan:
It's a fun place to work. That's the point. You could be doing anything as long as it's a fun place to work.

Lucy:
[cries] DAD!

Tad:
Yeah, yeah.

Satan:
Anyway, got a little surprise for you.

Tad:
Oh, what's that?

Satan:
Why don't you go put on Channel 5 on the TV in the bar?

Lucy:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Tad:
Okay.

Lucy:
DO YOU NOT HEAR ME?

Satan:
And enjoy.

Tad:
Thanks.

Satan:
Alright, I'll see you later.

Lucy:
DON'T HANG UP!

Tad:
[hangs up]

Lucy:
Where are you going?

Tad:
Your Dad wants me to watch something on TV.

Lucy:
Ugh. Typical.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[the next day while Lucy is still tied up inside the freeze barrier]

Lucy:
Oh, my god. What time is it?

Tad:
It's 10:00. We just opened.

Lucy:
What are you doing?

Tad:
I'm working. I'm on the breakfast shift.

Lucy:
Yeah, me too.

Tad:
Yeah, you know, you must be a terrible bartender 'cause no one even knows that you're not there.

Lucy:
Tad, you can't keep in here.

Tad:
I need to THINK! I just... [addictively looks at the meat version of Lucy]

Lucy:
Oh, here we go.

Tad:
...need to think.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Senator Whitehead:
Hey, master, uh, what are you doing here? T-This is my new schools thing. It's not really a *you* thing, uh, and the press is here.

Satan:
You know, I saw your son's rap sheet online. So funny!

Senator Whitehead:
[chuckles] Please, can I call you on monday?

Satan:
Man, that thing he did in the grocery store? I mean, wow. [to a civilian] How you doing? Hi.

Senator Whitehead:
Hi.

Satan:
Tad's alright, though, you know? It's -- It's because of your son, Senator, that I started my sex-offender art project.

Senator Whitehead:
What?

Satan:
His son is a sex offender.

Senator Whitehead:
[fake laughing while every person is looking at him]

Satan:
Uh, we're moving sex-offenders around the city to make, uh, like, a fun design.

Senator Whitehead:
Oh, great!

Satan:
Why are you pulling at me?

Senator Whitehead:
Just -- Can we, uh -- Why don't we talk over here --

Satan:
No, no, no, no. Can't right now. The band's letting me sit in.

Senator Whitehead:
What?

Satan:
I'll play something for you.

Senator Whitehead:
What?

Satan:
Don't let them take my drink!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Lucy:
You know who my Dad is, right?

Tad:
Yes.

Lucy:
Well, when he finds out what kind of a freak you are, he is gonna kill you.

[cuts to the next scene where Satan is at a dinner party]

Satan:
[to Whitehead] Your son is a total freak. I love him.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Tad getting ready to point the knife at Lucy]

Lucy:
Oh, my god. Tad, what are you doing?

Tad:
I'm going to...work on my meat.

Lucy:
Um, what are you doing that for?

Tad:
You're a little heavier than I thought.

Lucy:
It's the way I'm sitting.

Tad:
I'll tell you, there's nothing like working from a live model.

Lucy:
You know, it's not easy to sit up straight.

Tad:
Yeah, but could ya?

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[meanwhile Lucy gets tied up from The Senator's Son in the freeze barrier]

Lucy:
So, I guess you probably don't want me to [shouting] YELL AS LOUD AS I CAN!

Tad:
This thing is soundproof pretty much.

Lucy:
I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE! THE CRAZY BUSBOY'S GOT ME IN THE WALK-IN!

Lucy:
It doesn't matter anyway because my boyfriend about 12 other guys are waiting for me to come back to the bar. So I'm sure they're gonna come in here any minute.

[cuts to the next scene]

Judas:
Isn't there, like a Chevys down the street? They've got chicken breasts there.

DJ Jesus:
Oh, yeah!

Judas:
Let's shoot there, huh?

DJ Jesus:
Yeah, cool. Great idea.

Judas:
Let's bounce!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Judas:
Lucy's taking a long time with that food, huh?

DJ Jesus:
Well, for Lucy, service is not about speed. It's about power.

Judas:
Wow, that's deep, man. You should write that down.

DJ Jesus:
Already did...in my brain diary.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[as Lucy checks the freeze barrier, she sees a version of Lucy made out of meat]

Lucy:
What the -- Ew! Oh, it's that creepy busboy.

Tad:
[holding a knife] No, I don't think so. You're not leaving.

Lucy:
Oh, hi, Tad.

Tad:
I cannot get fired.

Lucy:
No, no. Why would you get fired? Tad, I didn't mean creepy. I meant creative.

Tad:
Shut up. SHUT UP!

Lucy:
Okay.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

DJ Jesus:
Hey, want to see some, uh, foodigami?

Lucy:
Foodigami?

DJ Jesus:
Yes.

[DJ Jesus uses meat to make it into a swan]

Lucy:
Nice!

Judas:
AWESOME!

DJ Jesus:
I decided to start working with food because food is elemental. It's personal, universal. I want to take food and turn it into food.

[DJ Jesus makes another food into a poodle]

DJ Jesus:
Here you are, kid.

Customer:
Thanks.

[acting ends]

Steve:
Great. We got it there.

DJ Jesus:
Nice job, Steve.

Steve:
No prob.

DJ Jesus:
Hey, uh, Luce.

Lucy:
Yeah.

DJ Jesus:
Did you see the chicken-poodle thing I just did?

Lucy:
Uh-huh.

DJ Jesus:
You have, like, 40 or 50 chicken breasts? 'Cause, uh, I want to make a whole flock of little chicken poodles.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Becky:
Alright, so, the first thing we got to do is go on the sex-offender registry and erase Tad's information before someone finds it and uses it against Senator Whitehead.

Satan:
Hmm.

Becky:
Are you with me?

Satan:
I got to say, I don't like the way he's running his campaign.

Becky:
Yeah, you mentioned that.

Satan:
I mean, he's gonna lose if he tries to go around kissing babies.

Becky:
I think you might be right.

Satan:
Y'know I thought he was gonna run as the first openly satanic candidate, you know?

Becky:
Yeah, well, I'm on the sex-offender site, so what do you want to do?

Satan:
Wow, look at that? You can see them on a map?

Becky:
Yeah, you haven't seen this? And look, you click on one of those dots, and it brings up his mug shot. It's like the worst online dating site in the world.

Satan:
Ooh, look at that guy.

Becky:
Yeah.

Satan:
Wait, wait. Go back to the map for a second.

Becky:
Uh-huh.

Satan:
What does that look like?

Becky:
What, the dots?

Satan:
Yeah. It looks like a smiley face.

Becky:
Oh, yeah. Except for this one guy. He's messing it up. Should we move him?

Satan:
Yeah. Let's move them all and spell something out -- Something fun, like "Gotcha" with an exclamation point.

Becky:
[wheezes]

Satan:
Or, uh, or spell, uh -- "Whitehead for President".

Becky:
That's funny. How about just a big "W"?

Satan:
That's funny, too, Becky. You're having fun at work.

Becky:
Fun?

Satan:
YES!

Becky:
Yeah, I guess.

Satan:
You WERE, Becky.

Becky:
I guess.

Satan:
Don't take it back.

Becky:
No, this is -- This is fun.

Satan:
Don't do that. Don't itch your neck.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[The Senator's Son becomes a busboy for Satan's Restaurant]

Tad:
Take any glasses back, dirty plates?

Lucy:
Nope. I'm good.

Tad:
Okay.

Tad:
Hey, you see that lady over there? She got the chimichanga, but she only ate half.

Lucy:
Good to know.

Tad:
[laughs] She left over a lot of guacamole.

Lucy:
She sure did.

Tad:
Mmm. She left over a lot of food. It's still warm.

Lucy:
Okay.

Tad:
You're nice.

Lucy:
Uh, thanks?

Tad:
Well, better get this stuff into the kitchen.

Lucy:
Ok.

Tad:
'Cause I'm gonna [bleep] it.

Lucy:
What? What did you just say?

Tad:
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Lucy:
Okay.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Becky:
Hey, I'm sure we can find something for The Senator's Son. What about something at the restaurant?

Satan:
That's fine.

Tad:
[said it calmly] No, no, no. No.

Satan:
Y'know what?

Tad:
No.

Satan:
You can be a busboy.

Senator Whitehead:
Oh, great.

Tad:
Aw.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Satan:
Alright, I have some thoughts about your campaign. I got to tell you, I think you're playing it too safe.

Senator Whitehead:
Master, with all due respect, the presidential campaign is a delicate thing. I can't just -- Pbht! -- Spray it all out there.

Satan:
[laughs then gets pissed] WHAT?! PBHT! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, HUH? SENATOR? PBHT! SPRAY IT ALL OUT THERE.

Satan:
ARE YOU TELLING ME!

Senator Whitehead:
[scared] I-I was making em, uh, --

Satan:
YOU'RE TELLING ME HOW TO RUN A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN?

Senator Whitehead:
I-I was making a metaphor.

Satan:
AND YOU'RE GONNA PBHT! -- SPRAY IT ALL OUT THERE, HUH?

Senator Whitehead:
Well, I --

Satan:
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

Senator Whitehead:
I've had people tell me that's not, uh --

Becky:
I think what The Senator is trying to say, Satan, is that he appreciates your input and your assistance.

Satan:
Well, here's what the --

Becky:
Let's remember that were all --

Satan:
Here's what The Senator said to ME!

Becky:
Uh-huh.

Satan:
PBHT! SPRAY IT ALL OUT THERE.

Becky:
I know how much you hate when people make that noise, but let's not lose focus. We're all working towards the same goal here.

Satan:
[sighs] [to Whitehead] I'm sorry. I'm on the south beach diet.

Satan:
And it makes me a little edgy.

Satan:
Not to mention I have hygiene issues. When someone goes, "Pbht"! and it's not me -- It's not hygienic.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Senator Whitehead:
I need you to give my [bleep] up son a job.

Satan:
Hmm.

Senator Whitehead:
It can be anything. Uh, I just need him tucked away somewhere during the campaign. He's a registered sex offender. Did you know that?

Satan:
Uh, not surprised. I mean, look at him.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after another ritual human sacrifice was over]

Senator Whitehead:
I can't believe this.

Lucy:
So, you thought there was gonna be an orgy?

DJ Jesus:
He -- He said. [referring to The Senator]

Lucy:
[to Whitehead] And you put an escape artist in a cage.

Senator Whitehead:
I can't believe this.

Satan:
And your car wouldn't start.

Senator Whitehead:
[mumbling] I can't believe this.

Satan:
What a total bust.

Senator Whitehead:
This is a disaster.

DJ Jesus:
Hey, I had a good time.

Satan:
Hey, can we stop somewhere and get some food?

DJ Jesus:
One food stop coming up.

Satan:
I love it!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Senator Whitehead:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No "Gloria".

DJ Jesus:
Hey, peace, brother.

Senator Whitehead:
No, no, no, no, no. Stop the record.

DJ Jesus:
No can do. Dancing to Gloria is a pure thing. You can't start it artificially or stop it prematurely. You just got to give in to...

DJ Jesus and Special Sister:
[singing] GLORIA!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[while Reggie still makes jokes]

Reggie:
You ever take a [bleep] so big, you take a photo of it?

Satan:
YES!

Reggie:
Um, you know what it's like -- "Wow, look at that thing. I got to get a picture of that".

Satan:
[laughs]

Reggie:
Um...

Satan:
[sees the audience not amused at all] Oh, boy.

Reggie:
Uh, well, uh, that's all my time, uh, uh, good night.

Satan:
Ha ha. Alright, that was, uh, Reggie Goldstein, everybody. Little too hip for the room. That's funny stuff. You'll talking about that tomorrow. Sense of humor, anybody?

[suddenly a lighting bolt strikes down a cult member to death]

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

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