Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #22

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,718 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Stroker: Damn it, it feels good to work up a sweat. What are we on, Mile 5? C.A.R.R.: Beer 5. Mile 1. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[after Santa killed the ghosts, Stroker and Hoop return back at Stroker's house where its Christmas Day morning] Hoop: What the hell just happened? Stroker: Where the hell's my lottery ticket? Hoop: Oh, my god. You broke up the lottery ring. Stroker: It's got to be here somewhere. Hoop: No, in this iteration of reality, you never won the lottery. Stroker: Oh, my god. No! No, JER -- JERMANE! JERMANE, COME BACK! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL LET SANTA DIE THIS TIME! NO! PLEASE, NO! Hoop: Stroker, Stroker, look! There's a -- There's a gift here from Santa for ya. [Stroker reads Santa's note] Santa: [narrating] Dear Stroker, thank you for saving Christmas. By now, you know your winning lottery ticket is gone. Hopefully, this gift will help to compensate. Merry Christmas! Santa. Stroker: Ha ha! Good old Santa. [opens the gift] SOCKS? That ungrateful son of a btch! I saved his ass! – Stroker and Hoop* Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Hoop: Should we let them go, Stroke? It is Christmas after all. Stroker: We can't. They'll just time-travel their way out of it. Christmas Past can easily go back 40 years and make it so we were never born. There's only one choice. Santa: Oh, ho, let me do the honors! [Stroker gives the gun to Santa] Ghost of Christmas Past: Come on, now, come on, give me the gun Santa Claus. You ain't got-- [Santa shoot the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future] Santa: HO, HO, HO, YEAH! MERRY CHRISTMAS! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, HUH? YOU CAN'T TRICK ST. NICK, MOTHER! [shoots a few rounds] HO, YOU LIKE THAT? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU SUCK ON IT? HERE'S TWO FOR YOU. Hoop: SANTA! Santa: AND HERE'S ANOTHER! Hoop: SANTA, GIVE ME THE GUN! Santa: Please, sir, may I have some more, YOU BETCHA! Hoop: SANTA, THEY'RE DEAD! THAT'S ENOUGH! SANTA, CAN YOU JUST HEAR ME? SANTA! THAT'S ENOUGH! They're dead! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Santa: I wasn't getting suspicious! Ghost of Christmas Past: Then why the hell did you invite us over to dinner at the North Pole? You never had us over before. Santa: Mrs. Claus thought it was rude not to! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Stroker and Hoop went back in time to travel back earlier where Santa was dead after that car crash to save Santa] Santa: I forgive her for sleeping with... [dies] [Stroker grabs Santa out of the car] C.A.R.R.: Stroker? Hoop? Santa is dead. Stroker: Not for long. [Stroker jab Santa with the antidote to bring him back to life] Santa: TONY ORLANDO! What the hell is going on? Hoop: We just traveled back in time with this antidote to save you. Santa: Well, pull it out of me, man! Why didn't you travel back to before I was poisoned and save me 12 hours of vomiting blood? Hoop: [to Stroker] You want to field that one? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Stroker: [still pointing the gun at GCF] Now get me the Ghost of Christmas Present and Ghost of Jermane Washington. Hoop: The same Jermane Washington who used to be your partner? Ghost of Christmas Past: --Till somebody let me get shot. Hoop: [to Stroker] You said he left to mentor inner-city High School kids. Ghost of Christmas Past: He said what? Hoop: Hey, Jermane, how much did he pay you? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Coroner Rick: I'll extract Santa's brain and liver matter, develop an antidote, and meet you back here in exactly 30 years. Hoop: Can we make it 15? I'm concerned about your high blood pressure! Coroner Rick: Sure thing, Hoopy! Stroker: [to GCF] Take us ahead 15 years. [GCF opens a portal to 15 years to the future where Coroner Rick finally finished making the antidote for Santa] Old Coroner Rick: Stroker! Hoop! Hoop: Where the hell are we? Old Coroner Rick: They tore down down the old mall 10 years ago and built a huge new Grizzle Bazzle store. Stroker: What the hell is Grizzle Bazzle? Old Coroner Rick: Oh, I'm too old to understand it, but the kids love it. Here's your antidote, fellas. Be sure to jab Santa straight through the heart. And good luck. Hoop: Thanks, Coroner Rick. Old Coroner Rick: Oh! Oh, and fellas, fellas, when you go back, could you tell my former self to stop using sheepskin condoms? Stroker: Um, ok. Old Coroner Rick: Thanks, guys. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Stroker, Hoop and GCF carries Santa to Coroner Rick's office] Stroker: What a fatass. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ghost of Christmas Future: Well, Stroker, I hope you learned a valuable lesson tonight. Stroker: Yes, I did. Thank you. No more Peppermint Schnapps in the hot tub. It causes hallucinations. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to take a siesta before the appres-ski parties tonight. Ghost of Christmas Future: Have fun in hell, asshole! Stroker: You, too, buddy. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[C.A.R.R. does his first job of giving gifts for the family] C.A.R.R.: [laughs] Merry Christmas. Santa sends his best. There's a sack in the back with presents for Sarah, Bobby, and Mr. Mrs. Jones. Sarah: Wow! Thanks! Mr. Jones: All I see are presents for Pablo and Juanita. C.A.R.R.: [to the reindeers] Damn it! You idiots loaded up the South American bags for the North American trip. Bad reindeer. Bad reindeer! Mr. Jones: Oh, wait! Maybe they're in here. C.A.R.R.: No, no, no. No, no, not that bag! Not that... [as Mr. Jones was still searching for their presents, a sick Santa appeared out of the trunk] Sarah: Santa... [crying] Mr. Jones: [to Sarah] Get in the house now! Damn it, Sarah! I said, get in the house! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[C.A.R.R. rides on Santa's sleigh] C.A.R.R.: On, Dashiel! On, Danzig! On, Randolph! On, Blitzkrieg! On, Other Non-Copyrighted Names! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Old Stroker: Who's there? C.A.R.R.: Blow his head off, Stroke. Stroker: Hey, old man! Bet you can't hit this. [GCF saves Stroker from shooting his present-self] Ghost of Christmas Future: What the hell are you doing? Stroker: [laughs] We're ghosts! He can't hurt us. Ghost of Christmas Future: Ghosts can get shot just like everyone else. Then you're just plain dead. Stroker: [to his future self] Stop! I'm your younger self as a ghost! [pulls up a gun and shoot] That's a warning shot! My next shot will be in your chest! Ghost of Christmas Future: You idiot! The warning shot WAS in his chest! [Old Stroker dies] Stroker: Oh, crap. That's really gonna mess up the Space-Time Conten-- Continuum-- The Space-Time Plane. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ghost of Christmas Future: Every December 25th, people drive by and throw rocks and dog [bleep] at your house. They've done it every year since you let Santa die. [GCF literally starts picking up dog poop and throwing it at Stroker's old house] Stroker: What the hell happened to my lottery money? Ghost of Christmas Future: Oh, that. You spent it all on a class action lawsuit with the world's children for letting Santa die. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ghost of Christmas Future: You recognize where we are? Stroker: Damn. My old place is a dump. Whoever moved in after I bought the mansion sure let it go to hell. [Stroker checks the window and see his old future self couple years later] Teen Keith: Yo, Dad, give me 200 bucks. Old Stroker: So you can buy more Grizzle Bazzles. [slaps Keith] Get a damn job! And don't interrupt Dad when he's playing "Topless Hockey 3". Teen Keith: Oh, how come you're always in virtual reality? Old Stroker: Well, it's a hell of a lot better than real reality. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ghost of Christmas Future: Yo. Stroker: Oh, uh, you must be the Ghost of Christmas Future. Ghost of Christmas Future: I'm the pool guy. Got to shut down for the night. What the hell are you talking about? Stroker: Oh, uh, I'm sorry. Ghost of Christmas Future: [laughs] I fooled you, man. Ghost of Christmas Future. [sees a envelope] Hey, is that for me? Stroker: Oh, uh, yeah. But I guess if you're from the future, you would know that. [laughs] Ghost of Christmas Future: [tired] Alright, let's get this [bleep] over with. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ghost of Christmas Present: We're early. Tell you what. When Christmas Future gets here, can you give him something for me? [gives Stroker the same envelope that GCPast gave Present] Don't look inside. [GCPresent flips him off while leaving] Stroker: Thanks for crashing my car, jackass! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
C.A.R.R.: Santa, I see the summit. We're gonna make it! Santa: By golly, C.A.R.R., it's a miracle! C.A.R.R.: I DID IT, SANTA! I REALLY DID IT! [as C.A.R.R. and Santa were about to head to the summit, Stroker and GCPresent appears from the portal in front of them at a badly timed moment] Santa: HOLY [bleep]! [C.A.R.R. and Santa drive off the road and got hit by a tree] Ghost of Christmas Present: Oh, crap! We're not supposed to interfere. Let's get the hell out of here. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Stroker: I don't know what to say, Jermane. Ghost of Christmas Past: YOU LET ME DIE, MAN! Stroker: Yeah, like 7 years ago. [Ghost of Christmas Present arrives] Ghost of Christmas Present: Yo, Jermane, my main man. Ghost of Christmas Past: Hey, Ghost of Christmas Present. Look, man, do me a favor, and don't do this sumbtch any favors. Ghost of Christmas Present:* You got the envelope? Ghost of Christmas Past: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [gives the envelope to GCPresent] You got the digits? [GCPresent give digits to GCPast] Ghost of Christmas Past: Say hey to future for me. Stroker: Hey, Jermane! We were quite a team, weren't we buddy? Ghost of Christmas Past: Eat [bleep], Stroker. [leaves] Ghost of Christmas Present: And now let's visit your friend C.A.R.R., who right now is selflessly trying to save Christmas. [opens up a portal] Stroker: Hey is there another tunnel we can take? I don't want to get any schnapps puke on ya. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
C.A.R.R.: So, Santa, any chance you can give me a hint of what I'm getting this year? Santa: It's -- [brutally coughing] C.A.R.R.: Don't open your mouth, Santa. You'll only lose more blood. Hey! Hey! Maybe you could act out the present, like charades. [Santa then coughs blood on C.A.R.R.'s screen] C.A.R.R.: Ok, maybe later. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[after Jermane got shot in the past scene] Jermane: Stroker. Tell my wife, I love her. Young Stroker: I will, man. [Jermane dies] Young Stroker: I'm so sorry, buddy. I should have told you I borrowed your gun clip this morning. I don't know what to say. It just totally slipped my mind. Ghost of Christmas Past: [to Stroker] You asshole! Stroker: Well, you were always bragging about being so prepared. I -- I just figured you had a spare in your pocket or something, I don't know. Ghost of Christmas Past: You killed me! [after Jermane dies, he then became a ghost] Jermane: Hey, man, what the hell is going on? Ghost of Christmas Past: [to Jermane] You're not supposed to see us. Just keep flying into the light. [sees Young Stroker calling somebody] Ghost of Christmas Past: Wait a minute. What -- What are you doing now? Stroker: Calling 911. Come on, let's get out of here. Young Stroker: Hey, Martha, it's Stroker. I have some terrible news about Jermane. But first the good news. We can stop sneaking around behind his back. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Young Stroker peeing in the bush] Young Stroker: [to a female dog owner] Ah, would he care to join me? [laughs] Just kidding. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ghost of Christmas Past: I'm here to take you back to that fateful day 7 years ago, when your partner was shot and your life changed forever. Stroker: You really want to watch yourself get shot? Ghost of Christmas Past: I'm doing it to save your soul, Stroker. I'm The Ghost of Christmas Past now. Stroker: Come on, J, screw my soul. Let's go get [bleep] faced together. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ghost of Christmas Past: Yo, Stroker, Stroker! Wake up! Stroker: [wakes up] Hey. Hey, man. Can you get me a beer? Charge it to Room 331. Thanks, bro. Ghost of Christmas Past: 7 years, and you haven't changed a bit, Stroker? Stroker: Jermane? Jermane Washington, my old partner? Stroker & Jermane: Jermane and Stroker, back in action! [laughs] Stroker: Dude, you're dead. Ghost of Christmas Past: No [bleep], man. I'm a ghost now. Stroker: I'm so sorry about the accident. Not a day goes by I don't think about it. Ghost of Christmas Past: Yeah, well, what you gonna do? My gun jammed. I must not have cleaned it well enough. Yeah, that was the irony, wasn't it? I was the one who was always prepared. Stroker: Yeah. Yeah, I guess. So, uh, what are you doing here? [realizes] OH, NO! Dammit! I drowned in the hot tub, didn't I? Win the lottery, then get drunk and drown in the damn hot tub. Nice going, Stroker? You are stupid sometimes. Ghost of Christmas Past: Shut the hell up. You're still alive. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Stroker: [on phone] Yo, lottery winner, here. C.A.R.R.: Oh, Stroker, thank god. You have to come back tonight and solve Santa's case so he can deliver presents. Stroker: I can't believe you're bothering me with this Santa crap on Christmas Eve. C.A.R.R.: It's true! He showed me photos of him and the elves and everything. Stroker: Sounds like Santa had some ripple on the walk over. If he passes out, turn him on his side so he doesn't choke on his vomit. or better yet, drag him next door to the peaches. C.A.R.R.: But, Stroker, what about-- [Stroker hangs up] Stroker: [to Hoop] Some drunk mall santa got stuck with a needle, probably by his dealer. Wanted me to solve the case for free, if you can believe that crap. Hoop: And you said no? Stroker: There's no such thing as Santa, Hoop. Hoop: Well, he is still a human being! Stroker: And? Hoop: And it's Christmas, you Scrooge! Stroker: Scrooge? Who the hell's paying for your vacation? Hoop: I meant Scrooge in the "Bah, Humbug", sense, not in the "Good with money" sense. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago

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