Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #18

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,773 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Special Sister:
Um, I don't know how to say this. I'm just gonna say it. I think it's best if you don't come to book group.

Special Father #1:
Oh, is that so?

Special Father #2:
Wait, there's a book group?

Special Sister:
[to SF1] Yeah, sorry. I just -- I don't know if you're the right fit for the group. Like, I think you're a great guy, but I just don't know if it, like, works.

Special Father #1:
Well, it's funny you should mention that because Sister Louisa called me last night.

Special Sister:
Oh, she did?

Special Father #2:
You guys have a book group?

Special Father #1:
[to Sister] Yes. She did. She's forming a new group, and she invited me to join it. And she asked me to ask you NOT to come.

Special Sister:
I see.

Special Father #1:
She was uncomfortable, I think. I think you have kind of a...masculine energy which rubs people the wrong way.

Special Sister:
MASCULINE?

Special Father #1:
Well, yes, for a group like that. They're nuns, but they're still women, you know.

Special Sister:
What, do I have a penis?

Special Father #1:
...No, not necessarily.

Special Sister:
I don't. Look. [shows her naked body] LOOK AT HERE!

Special Father #1:
[looks away] Well, how do I know it's not taped behind...

Special Sister:
I have not tucked a penis behind my legs.

Special Father #1:
Okay, fine. We're getting off point. [to SF2] Hey, I bet Father Benetti will be in a book club with you.

Special Father #2:
[happily] Oh, okay.

Special Sister:
[tired] Great.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

Special Father #1:
The DJ story touched even more lives than he could reach with his deep-house and trans-house music. And now his book was being made into a made-for-tv movie, featuring DJ Jesus as himself.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

[Satan change the channel and sees DJ Jesus' novel publishing]

Becky:
That book is a big problem.

Satan:
Don't worry about it. I already posted a bad review on Amazon.

Becky:
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

Special Sister:
This counsel has chosen to consider the interpretation of Special Father #1. Father, have you completed the book?

Special Father #1:
Okay, um, I didn't actually get a chance to finish the book, but, uh, I'm glad to be here.

Special Sister:
I SEE! You petitioned for entry into this order, BUT YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO FINISH THE BOOK!

Special Father #1:
I made this zucchini bread.

[Special Sister hits SF1 with the book]

Nun:
Mary, please.

Special Sister:
SILENCE! I am hosting this week. I make the rules. [hits the same nun with the book] When you host, you can do it your way. Zucchini bread.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

[Lucy sees DJ Jesus' new novel that's been spreading around the country]

Lucy:
I can't believe you wrote this.

DJ Jesus:
Lucy, nothing in the book is meant to be read literally.

Lucy:
But it is literal, it's about me and you and things that we've done together.

DJ Jesus:
Right, but it's not meant to be taken literally.

Lucy:
You changed one letter in my name.

DJ Jesus:
Yes, her name is Lacy, and she's, uh, tall and thin, which you are not.

Lucy:
...Are you trying to hurt me?

DJ Jesus:
Of course not. Why would I do that? I love you.

Lucy:
Oh.

DJ Jesus:
You are welcome.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

Special Father #1:
But the forces of life can spread, too, spread like good news. In this case, the good news was a young DJ's delightful debut novel that combined the christian allegory of the "Chronicles of Narnia" with the folksy wisdom of "Tuesdays with Morrie".

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

Satan:
Okay, you know that lump I had in my armpit?

Becky:
Yes.

Satan:
I had it removed.

Becky:
Terrific.

Satan:
Guess what?

Becky:
What?

Satan:
It was a teratoma.

Becky:
What's a teratoma?

Satan:
A teratoma is a tumor that grows teeth and hair.

Becky:
Oh.

Satan:
It's the most disgusting thing in the world.

Becky:
Yeah.

Satan:
And I'd like to introduce you.

[Satan shows Becky his teratoma]

Becky:
Oh!

Satan:
Becky, this is Terry.

Terry:
Hello, Becky.

Becky:
Oh, my god, it talks? And it sounds like you.

Satan:
Isn't it great?

Becky:
Sort of.

Satan:
I mean, of course it sounds like me, 'cause it's part of me. It's -- It's my genetic material, but concentrated into, like, a ball of teeth and hair.

Becky:
Wow.

Terry:
Yeah, and I have more hair.

Satan:
Hey, at least I don't have a lisp.

Terry:
[lisping] Do I have a lisp?

Satan:
Well, a little.

Terry:
Shut up, Satan.

Becky:
This is, like, the worst ventriloquist act I have ever seen.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

[Satan enjoys Burning Man]

Satan:
Look at that bike that looks like a dragon.

Becky:
Mm-hmm.

Satan:
And look at that guy with the silver horns!

Becky:
Yep.

Satan:
Look at that guy who painted an eye on his eyelid so that when he closes his eye, you see another eye!

Becky:
I get it. You're --

Satan:
LOOK AT THAT GUY WITH GLITTER IN HIS BEARD!

Becky:
Uh-huh.

Satan:
LOOK AT THAT WOMAN RIDING A HUGE ICE CREAM CONE!

Becky:
I get it. It's all amazing to you. I still can't believe you gave him a ride.

[Satan sees her daughter busting some sexy moves with Special Father #1]

Satan:
Man, look at these two. Hey, you two, get a tent.

Becky:
I think that's your daughter.

Satan:
Holy crap, you're right. Lucy!

Lucy:
Dad?

Special Father #1:
Oh, boy. [quietly runs away immediately]

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

[Satan, DJ Jesus, and Becky suddenly found a car, and drive their way to Burning Man while singing Burning Man]

Satan and DJ Jesus:
[singing repeatingly] Driving to Burning Man.

Becky:
ENOUGH!

Satan and DJ Jesus:
...

Satan:
[singing] Becky's in the backseat.

Satan and DJ Jesus:
[singing] Becky's in the backseat.

Becky:
[shaking rapidly]

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

DJ Jesus:
Seriously, dude, if you like these chicks, you got to check out Burning Man. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah.

Satan:
Really?

Becky:
What'd he say?

DJ Jesus:
It's all glitter and body paint. No one wears clothes.

Satan:
Really?

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

[Satan, DJ Jesus, and Becky gets into a sandstorm]

DJ Jesus:
Get behind me, Satan.

Satan:
What? What'd you say?

DJ Jesus:
I said get behind me, you and Betsy.

Becky:
"Becky"!

DJ Jesus:
I'll shield you from the sand. I've got glasses on. We can try to make it inside.

Satan:
Alright, great, but don't say "get behind me". I got a thing about that.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

Special Father #1:
[crying while high] This candle is...so beautiful!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

DJ Jesus:
Uh, where are the tigers?

Satan:
They're all down there -- Somewhere. I mean, you can hear them, right?

[Satan and Becky making tiger noises]

DJ Jesus:
Listen, I should really get to Burning Man. Uh, you guys think this is a party, you should check out that --

Satan:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast. Becky, eh? Becky.

Becky:
Oh, uh, how would you like to *own* Temptasia Mountain?

DJ Jesus:
Yeah, I really should get going.

Satan:
Jesus, just listen to the pitch, okay?

DJ Jesus:
[to Satan] You look so mad right now.

Satan:
[passive aggressive] I'm excited! I'm excited about you and this opportunity.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

[DJ Jesus visit Temptasia]

Satan:
What do you mean you don't like it?

DJ Jesus:
I don't know its just, uh, not my thing.

Satan:
What? It just what?

DJ Jesus:
Well, first of all, I mean, you know, uh, [whispers] these ladies are kind of old.

Satan:
Not all of them.

Satan:
Let's go out on the patio. We'll find some baby tigers. Ariel, Brooke, Granny, Ethel, Sadie, Sonia, Navy Seal Nancy, we're going out on the patio. Please join us and bring some, uh, hard lemonade. [to DJ Jesus] You like hard lemonade, right?

DJ Jesus:
Um...

Satan:
It's great.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

Judas:
Well, it looks like DJ Judas will be spinning tonight.

Lucy:
He'll be here.

Special Father #1:
[high] Can I -- Can I lick it?

Lucy:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, grandpa.

[Special Father #1 then humps the giant candlestick]

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

DJ Jesus:
The problem is that you like to impose your opinion on how I want to do things. So, you do mill. I will do himilountain.

Satan:
I agree with you. I'm saying I agree with you.

DJ Jesus:
The end.

Satan:
What do you mean "The End"?

DJ Jesus:
The end is you have your opinion, I have mine. So, what else is there to talk about?

Satan:
Its not the end.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 29 days ago

Becky:
We're there. This is it!

DJ Jesus:
Uh, this is a mountain?

Becky:
It's a small mountain/hill.

Satan:
It's a mill. How would you say it?

DJ Jesus:
I would probably not do it like that. I would probably say a himilountain.

Satan:
[wheezes] Which is longer than -- The whole purpose of smushing would be to shorten the --

DJ Jesus:
Is that the whole purpose, or is it to have fun?

Satan:
That's the most awkward way to do it.

Becky:
Wow! 1/4-scale diesel cog railway. Who's on board? Guys, chugga-chugga. Come on.

Satan:
Chugga-chugga?

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Satan:
Oh, my god. Just remembered -- Jesus, I want to show you something. It's on the way. It's a brothel.

DJ Jesus:
It's a brothel? I don't think I want to go to a brothel.

Satan:
No, no, no, we're in Nevada. It's a legal brothel.

DJ Jesus:
Okay, still, I think I'll pass.

Satan:
It's on top of a mountain, a beautiful mountain.

DJ Jesus:
Uh-huh.

Satan:
And it's also a lion and tiger big-cat sanctuary. It's called Temptasia.

DJ Jesus:
Whoa, that's like, uh, a lot of my favorite things all smooshed together.

Satan:
All what?

DJ Jesus:
Smooshed.

Satan:
Smooshed? Smushed.

DJ Jesus:
Yeah, you know like, you take-- Yeah, smoosh. Smooshed.

Satan:
You have a strong accent, so...you like smushes?

DJ Jesus:
What's that?

Satan:
Like two words you smush together.

DJ Jesus:
Ehm, that sounds fun. Sure.

Satan:
Do it.

DJ Jesus:
Give me two words and I'll, uh, smoosh them.

Satan:
Do lion and tiger.

DJ Jesus:
Uh...

Satan:
Liger.

DJ Jesus:
Tialineger.

Satan:
[chuckles] No. That's not a smush. That's like--

DJ Jesus:
It is a smush. What do you mean it's not a smush?

Satan:
You're taking both words and you're mixing up all the letters. That's different.

DJ Jesus:
It's not a smush, the way you do a smush. It is a smush how I do a smush.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

DJ Jesus:
Look, I really, really need to get to Burning Man, so...

Satan:
It's okay. This is a shortcut.

Becky:
[to Satan] You're getting burned.

Satan:
Shh!

Becky:
Your whole scalp.

Satan:
Becky.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Special Father #1:
Uh...uh...uh...uh...huh?

Special Father #2:
What?

Special Father #1:
What?

Special Father #2:
What is with your tongue?

Special Father #1:
I, uh, found some mushrooms in the backpack, and I ate them. And now I'm, uh, starting to feel a little bit...

Special Father #2:
Oh, give me some.

Special Father #1:
There all gone, I ate them all. Take these.

[as SF2 eats a different drug, Special Sister came to stop it]

Special Sister:
Don't eat that! Spit it! Spit!

[SF2 spits out the thing that SF1 gave]

Special Sister:
[to SF1] You! Mr. Bad Influence!

Special Father #1:
They were in the backpack.

Special Sister:
What's wrong with you?

Special Father #1:
YOU DON'T RUN MY LIFE!

Special Sister:
YOU'RE BECOMING A DRUG ADDICT!

Special Father #1:
[runs away] YOU'RE RUINING BURNING MAN FOR ME!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Special Sister:
I'm looking for a DJ!

All Naked Guys:
I'm a DJ.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Satan:
How about some home electronics, hmm? Pick out anything you like, 75% off.

DJ Jesus:
Uh...oh, yeah? Really?

Satan:
Go nuts.

[while DJ Jesus still picking a TV]

Satan:
That's a great choice. Want to, uh, get the extended warranty with that?

Ominous Voice:
Extended warranty.

DJ Jesus:
Oh, um...I don't know. I'm not sure.

Satan:
Alright, forget about that. Let's talk about surround sound.

Ominous Voice:
Surround sound.

DJ Jesus:
Yeah, I really should just be going.

Satan:
There's a mail-in rebate on this system.

Ominous Voice:
Mail-In Rebate.

DJ Jesus:
Hey, you know what? I'm feeling a lot of weird pressure right now, so I think I'm just gonna split, okay?

Satan:
N-N-No pressure. No pre-- Where are you going? Where are you going?

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

DJ Jesus:
Hey, Lucy's Dad!

Satan:
Hey, how's it going?

DJ Jesus:
Eh, not so good, duh, I had an accident. Then I was walking, and then I thought I saw a building but it was a rock and now I can't find my way back to the road.

Satan:
Wow, what a story. What a great story. You alright or-- You look-- You look done in.

DJ Jesus:
Well, I haven't had food or water in 40 minutes.

Satan:
40 minutes?!

DJ Jesus:
Yeah.

Satan:
40 minutes?

DJ Jesus:
Yeah.

Satan:
Oh, my god. Well, then you probably won't mind stopping in the food court?

[Satan use his mind bending powers to make a food court]

DJ Jesus:
Whoa! How'd this get here?

Satan:
How about a smoothie?

DJ Jesus:
Um, you know, no thanks.

Satan:
They have great wraps here. Look, Free samples.

Free Sample Woman:
Teriyaki bites?

DJ Jesus:
Oh, uh, no, no meat for me, please. No meat. Thank you.

Satan:
[to Free Sample Woman] Get out of here.

[the Free Sample Woman then gets replaced as a Free Sample Magno Woman that Satan managed]

Mango Woman:
Mango?

Satan:
Mmm. Mango. So good.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Becky:
There are simpler ways to keep him from getting to Burning Man.

Satan:
Beck.

Becky:
It just seems so elaborate. Why does everything have to be about temptation?

Satan:
Becky, everything doesn't have to be about temptation, but, sometimes it's hard to resist.

Becky:
[tired] Mm-hmm.

Satan:
Yeah.

Becky:
It's funny.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

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