Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #25

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,718 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Stroker:
You got the tapes?

Chico:
You got the money?

Hoop:
[brings up camera] First I sample the merchandise.

[Hoop plays one of the videotapes in the camera]

Stroker:
What do you see?

Hoop:
That's MC Homicidal Rapist. Alright.

Chico:
Wait till you see the [bleep] kittens. I still get nightmares.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after C.A.R.R. gets traded from a car sale]

Used Car Salesman:
[to a customer] Well, this little beauty was actually owned by a mechanic. New tires.

C.A.R.R.:
A-hole.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
How much you want for them, bro?

Chico:
Heh heh. How much you got?

Hoop:
How does 800 big ones sound?

Chico:
800K? Cool.

Hoop:
Oh, I'm sorry. 800 little ones.

Chico:
Meet me at that seedy motel across the street in exactly 12 hours. [leaves]

Hoop:
I wonder why seedy means crappy. I mean, seeds are miraculous. Fruit grows from them.

Coroner Rick:
You'll have to figure that out without me, fellas. I can't hang with this gangsta lifestyle no more.

Hoop:
Too many hoes and ass whippings for your taste, Coroner Rick?

Coroner Rick:
No, man. It's all that second-hand smoke.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Chico:
Yo, I heard you was looking for the tapes.

Hoop:
You know who has them?

Chico:
I seen them myself, man. There's some seriously twisted [bleep].

Coroner Rick:
Like what?

Chico:
Brother, you don't want to know.

Coroner Rick:
Come on, come on, I'm a Coroner. Brown showers? Beastiality?

Chico:
Worse.

Coroner Rick:
Electric genital torture? Oh, ritual anal mutilations?

Chico:
...

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker and Hoop gets bailiffed from the club]

Stroker:
Get your hands off me. This is the V.I.P. lounge, b*tch. I want my courvoisier.

Hoop:
Tell Preposterous to get a rhyming dictionary! Rub -- [gets slapped] -- Grub -- [slapped] -- Dub. [slapped] OUCH!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
[drunk] I'm not self-conscious anymore. I'm dancing. Look at me, I'm dancing. I'm gonna be dead in 18-- [looks at his clock] 16 hours, but I'm finally dancing.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Preposterous:
No need to fight. No need to fuss. What you want with Preposterous?

Hoop:
Mr. Rapist sorely misses his home videotapes, Mr. Rous. They were important documents in his life history, and we'd be willing to pay for their safe return. As much as, say, um, $800?

Preposterous:
I don't need to plead my innocence. I'm as not guilty as 1,000 tents.

Hoop:
Huh, ok. I can go to $900?

Preposterous:
You say I stole the videotapes? But I was at home...eating grapes.

Hoop:
Were you really eating grapes or did you just say that for the rhyme?

Preposterous:
What you doing in my club? 'Cause I don't like you in my club.

Hoop:
I'm sorry, but strictly speaking, club is not a rhyme with club.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
How much for a cranapple?

Bartender:
7.

Hoop:
How much to speak to Preposterous?

Bartender:
Depends on who's asking?

Hoop:
Close personal friend of MC Homicidal Rapist. He wants to close the book on this little rivalry.

Bartender:
You don't look like most of the fellas from his crew.

Hoop:
How do most of the fellas look?

Bartender:
Black.

Hoop:
Well, maybe you'd like to say hello to my little black friend...Sanchez.

[shows his cellphone of Homicidal's black goat]

Hoop:
One of the goats in Homicidal's Petting Zoo. [shows another of pic of Homicidal getting bruised by a mob] I'm really pleased with how this one came out. Good composition.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
[drunk] African-American, black-- All I know is I've got $1,500 to my name. And I'm spending it on Cristal for my ladies!

Coroner Rick:
Stroker, that's your bribe money.

Stroker:
Bribes are for wimps. Cristal is for pimps.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker and Hoop disguised themselves as hip-hop gangsters to get inside the club]

Stroker:
This is really embarrassing, Coroner Rick. Nice going, buddy.

Coroner Rick:
Maybe next time you should buy some disguises instead of borrowing crap from my closet. Now, I'm gonna go see how long the wait is. [leaves]

Stroker:
[to Hoop] He's black. He should know about culture.

Coroner Rick:
What did you say?

Stroker:
I said you're African-American. You should know about your own culture.

Coroner Rick:
So it's African-American to my face and black behind my back, huh?

Stroker:
I'm just saving on syllables.

Coroner Rick:
Uh-huh.

Hoop:
African-American is a lot of syllables.

Stroker:
You wouldn't say African-American on African-American violence, would ya?

Coroner Rick:
Not if I were you. I wouldn't say another word around here.

[Stroker sees another black guy looking deadly straight at him]

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., take me to a used car lot, please.

C.A.R.R.:
May I ask why?

Stroker:
I'm going undercover. I need some hip hop wheels.

C.A.R.R.:
What do you mean? I'm crook. Slap some spinners and a whistle tip on me and I'm good to go. Woo-woo!

Stroker:
Sorry, buddy, got to trade you in.

C.A.R.R.:
But my seat contours to your ass perfectly. That takes years of working together.

Stroker:
Just don't let on that you're a self-driving talking car. When the moment's right, you can just drive away.

C.A.R.R.:
Well, what if I get bought by mexicans? They can pile in 10 to a car like me, not to mention those big bags of oranges.

Hoop:
C.A.R.R., no racist crap, ok?

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Lil' Rapist:
Preposterous has got to be involved somehow. You guys should check out his club.

Stroker:
Who's Preposterous?

Lil' Rapist:
Rival rapper. Him and Homicidal were best friends until two years ago.

Hoop:
He steal one of your b*tches?

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Worse. That mother knocked off several accessories from my Macy's spring collection.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Gentlemen, I brought you here to discuss the violent theft of my home movies yesterday evening.

Stroker:
What was on the tapes?

Lil' Rapist:
None of your damn business! Could be murder, drugs, me and the MC getting busy with underage hoes...

MC Homicidal Rapist:
These tapes may mistakenly portray me in an extremely poor light. I could lose everything-- The record contract, the casual menswear line, my new spinoff series, "Law and Order: Ghetto Justice". In light of this, I am prepared to make you a generous offer.

Lil' Rapist:
You have 24 hours to find the tapes or we gonna kill you.

Stroker:
Yeah, we'll take the case.

Hoop:
Thanks for thinking of us.

Stroker:
Did you recognize the men who did it?

MC Homicidal Rapist:
They had presidents masks-- Nixon, Lincoln. I didn't get a good look at the third fellow, but it could have been James K. Polk.

[Lil' Rapist shoves MC]

MC Homicidal Rapist:
I-I mean, they looked like some old white crackers. How am I supposed to know?

Umbrella Guard:
Yeah, how is he supposed to know, bushy hair?

Hoop:
[to Stroker] You're getting dissed by the Personal Umbrella Holder's Personal Umbrella Holder.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after MC Homicidal Rapist get hostaged]

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Look, man, there's no money in there. Please, please, I will give you anything you want -- Jewels, cars, and autographed copy of my platinum album, The Rapes of Wrath.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Mobster #1:
Who are you supposed to be?

Mobster #2:
President Polk.

Mobster #1:
They had a Polk mask?

Mobster #2:
You never heard of manifest destiny, b*tch? Maybe you wished Texas were pronounced Tejas.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Hey, awesome party, MC Homicidal Rapist.

Stroker:
Yeah, it's a real defjam.

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Y'all enjoying my shrimp puffs?

Stroker:
Oh, my god. They melt in the miso.

[MC slaps the shrimp puff out of Stroke's hand]

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Y'all supposed to be body-guarding me, not eating my friggin' pafedero.

Stroker:
Yeah, we're trying to blend in.

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Shut up, b*tch. Now, I'm gonna go hitch some skin.

Hoop:
Wait, I researched this. Do you mean skins as in the vagina or, um, as in rolling papers?

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

District Attorney:
Do you carry a weapon in your line of work?

Stroker:
Yes, ma'am. A 9 millimeter semiautomatic.

District Attorney:
The same type of weapon used to kill your best friend and partner.

Judge:
Objection!

District Attorney:
Retracted. [to Stroker] Where were you on the night of March 7th?

Stroker:
I was home alone watching television.

District Attorney:
And then you went to bed?

Stroker:
No. I used my 9 millimeter semiautomatic to KILL MY BEST FRIEND AND PARTNER! What are you gonna do about it, b*tch?

Judge:
Sir, you are out of order!

Stroker:
Oh, yeah? THIS WHOLE PROCEEDING IS OUT OF ORDER! HELL, THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY IS OUT OF ORDER!

Judge:
That's enough.

Stroker:
My only regret is that I didn't save a bullet for you and this incompetent sketch artist!

[cuts to the next scene where the sketch artist is literally drawing Stroker bickering his rants of what he's doing right now]

Judge:
Bailiff, restrain this man!

Stroker:
That doesn't even look like me, man!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
This is the life, huh, C.A.R.R.?

C.A.R.R.:
It really is paradise. Except for all the mexicans.

Hoop:
C.A.R.R., you know I hate that racist crap.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Todd, Vicky, prepare to taste the quills of vengeance.

[as Hoop throws the quills to Todd and Vicky, the quills have failed miserably]

Vicky:
Oh, you got us. We surrender.

Todd:
We surrender.

Stroker:
You surrender?

Hoop:
You two are going to prison for a very long time. No matter how you slice it. [laughs] Pun intended.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Hi, Mom. Don't have time to chat. Have you seen my gun?

Dr. Raymond:
Hi, Hoop. I'm Dr. Raymond.

Hoop:
You got a doctor?

Dr. Raymond:
Listen, Hoop, your mother doesn't blame you for your drug problem or the gay prostitution. Do you?

Hoop's Mom:
Well...

Hoop:
I'm not a druggie, ok? I happen to be the Porcupine of Righteousness.

Dr. Raymond:
He's high.

Hoop's Mom:
Oh, god.

Hoop:
I'm not high! And if you don't let me go. You're gonna taste the quills of vengeance, ok?

Hoop's Mom:
Careful, he might've shared that needle.

Dr. Raymond:
Hoop, I have a quill of my own, ok? Do you want to see what my quill is?

[as Dr. Raymond tried to stab the needle into Hoop, Hoop gunshot the ceiling making a getaway]

Hoop's Mom:
Shooting at your own mother! Here, take your heroin needles. Here, you druggie! I hope you get high as a kite, so high you just fly away!

Dr. Raymond:
Those aren't heroin needles. Those are porcupine needles. They can cause a nasty infection. That could explain his moodiness and hallucinations.

Hoop's Mom:
Is gay prostitution a symptom?

Dr. Raymond:
No. I think he's just gay.

Hoop's Mom:
GET OUT!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop tries to save a cat]

Hoop:
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty.

Old Cat Lady:
Don't drop him!

Hoop:
I'm not going to drop him, ma'am. Gotcha.

Old Cat Lady:
Don't drop him!

Hoop:
I'm not gonna drop him. I'm doing you a favor. Stop pissing me off. Restrain her, Quillboy.

Quillboy:
[pulls up a knife to the Old Cat Lady] Don't make me cut you, honey.

Hoop:
Damn it, Quillboy! If you cut one more person--

[after Hoop's angry senses start to trigger, his porcupine spikes came out killing the cat]

Hoop:
OH, NOT NOW! OH, SORRY! Sorry, kitty. Sorry about, cat, lady. I'll bring you a new one.

Old Cat Lady:
What are you talking about? My cat's fine.

[the cat suddenly wakes up after getting spiked from Hoop's porcupine quills]

Quillboy:
Yeah, you're crazy, man. I'm gonna jet. This ain't my scene.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Todd:
[on phone with Stroker] I want you to bring me that disk and your friend Double-Wide, or else.

Stroker:
Or else what?

Todd:
I'm here with someone very special to you. And every 15 minutes, we're gonna cut off a finger.

Stroker:
Oh, god. Keith.

Todd:
Guess again.

Stroker:
Hoop?

Todd:
Nope.

Stroker:
Angel?

Todd:
Your girlfriend.

Stroker:
...Um, I don't have a girlfriend.

Vicky:
[to Todd] Give me the phone. [to Stroker] Don't play stupid. We've got Paula.

Stroker:
Paula, Paula, Paula. God, man, mmm...

Vicky:
I'm losing patience. Dr. Paula Bowman.

Stroker:
My dermatologist? She's not my girlfriend.

Vicky:
Play the tape.

[Surveillance Guy plays the tape of Stroker and Double-Wide while having a secret camera in the car]

Stroker:
I know, it was the weirdest thing. I mean, there she is giving me a hernia check and uh, hey, I guess she liked what she saw, you know--

Double-Wide:
Your dermatologist?

Stroker:
Well, yeah, I mean, it started as a mole check, you know, but one thing led to another and, uh, we did it on that bench thing with the crinkly paper and now she's my lady.

Dr. Paula Bowman:
That never happened.

Stroker:
[on phone] Yeah, I think your machine mistaped or something. Sorry, guys. Not gonna risk my life for my dermatologist.

Vicky:
Cut off her finger.

Stroker:
Wait, what?

Todd:
[to Paula] Now, don't worry, you won't feel a thing. It has a patented self-sharpening edge that can slice through tin cans like watermelon. It also juliennes.

Dr. Paul Bowman:
NO!

Stroker:
Alright, alright, ok! I'll bring the damn disk.

Vicky:
Meet us at Camino Ensino Los Padres if you ever want to see your dermatologist with fingers again. [hangs up]

Stroker:
Camino Ensino Los Padres, Camino Ensino Los Padres-- Oh, crap! Camino Ensino Los Robles -- Padres. Oh, Camin -- Crap. [calls the number again]

Stroker:
Uh, hey, could you give me that address again? I don't have a pen.

Vicky:
It's ToddCo Headquarters.

Stroker:
Well, you should've said that in the first place instead of trying to be all badass and--

Vicky:
14 minutes.

Stroker:
Wait a minute, you're going to count your bad directions?

Vicky:
[hangs up]

Stroker:
You b*tch!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
Choose an application? No, you choose a friggin' application. You're the computer.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
So yeah, I'm working on some sort of emergency signaling device. But until then, just visit my website if you're in danger.

Red Button Shirt Guy:
Do you know where a laundromat is?

Hoop:
Sorry, I'm a superhero, not a map.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Browse Quotes.net

#ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ 

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
In which movie does this quote appear: "To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human"?
A Batman Begins
B The Green Mile
C The Matrix
D Gladiator