Harry:
Gloria, go get me a beer!
Harry:
What's takin' you so long in there?! I don't see no beer in my hand. Do you see a beer in my hand? My hand wants that beer, Glor! It's gettin' antsy. My hand's itchin' for that beer we discussed, Glor.
[Harry suddenly bleeds sauce out of his hand]
Harry:
The hell? It's makin' sauce, Glor.
Gloria:
Here's your damn beer.
Harry:
Don't bring me a beer right now, woman! My hand's making sauce.
Gloria:
The hell's comin' outta there?
Harry:
My mom's famous boogigabatch sauce.
Gloria:
And you're makin' a mess all over the floor, Harry.
Harry:
Glor, you know how good my mom's secret goojedubatchi sauce is? We're gonna be rich.
Gloria:
Ah, geez. Is another money-grubbin' scheme?
Harry:
Just taste it.
[Gloria tastes Harry's Mom sauce]
Gloria:
Oh, my God. It's the most incredible thing I've ever known. It can't be comin' from you. It's better than you.
Harry:
Do you see it coming out of there?
Gloria:
Yeah. From your hand there.
Harry:
So I am makin' it, see? Now go get the money bucket.
Gloria:
You gonna let me touch the money bucket? Ooh la la! Chu-cha-cha!
Harry:
You catch it in the bucket, sell it in town, we're in the gravy, baby. You married right, I tell ya.
Gloria:
I'm gonna call my mother an' tell her. She always said you'd never amount to nothing.
Harry:
Don't call her now! Handle it first.
Gloria:
This is my chance to patch things up with my ma. Now that I'm finally proud of ya.
Harry:
Glor, all this sauce is gettin' wasted, ya ding-dong!
Gloria:
You know what? Mother was right about you. All ya ever do is sit on yer ass gushin' sauce out of ya hand.
Harry:
Glor, the bucket. Please.
Gloria:
Hello? Yeah. Hey, Ma. I was just callin' to say you were right about the bum.
Harry:
Come on, Gloria.
Gloria:
Get it yourself! I'm on the phone, Harry.
Harry:
You know I don't like to get outta my chair. Money's dumpin here. C'mon.
Gloria:
You don't have control over me no more, Harry. I'm a wealthy woman now. I'm through with you.
Harry:
Please tell me you're gettin' the bucket. Or at least a beer?
Gloria:
I'm leavin' you, Harry. I'm gonna travel the world with my big riches.
Harry:
And where'd you get them riches?
Gloria:
I happen to be partner in a very lucrative new sauce organization of some kind. So long!
[Gloria trips on the rug to the table and can't move]
Harry:
Gloria! Baby! Are you okay?
Gloria:
Harry, Harry...I'm not gonna make it.
Harry:
Oh, God! I wish I could save you, but I-I don't like to get outta my chair.
Gloria:
At least I'm gonna die a wealthy woman. Finally I can afford to be sorry, Harry. Sorry I got so selfish after I got rich. Maybe that's the secret that the secret sauce was trying to teach us...that love is a...
[Gloria drowns to death from sauce when Harry's hand stops bleeding]
