Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #27

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,716 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Hoop:
Frank Wilson?

Frank Wilson:
Yeah?

Hoop:
I'm Hoop...Stroker's partner? I guess you know why I'm here.

Frank Wilson:
Are you looking for Frank Nelson in H.R.? Because I get his mail sometimes.

Hoop:
Nice try. [took one of Frank's CDs]

Frank Wilson:
Uh ,hey, buddy, those are my blank CDs.

Hoop:
Don't worry, frankie boy, I'll let you burn them...IN HELL!

[Hoop kills Frank by throwing CDs]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Give me a cherry slushee, a copy of "Juggs", couple of scratch-offs, and, uh, ah, this jerky rope.

[Hoop scratches off a lottery ticket]

Hoop:
Jerry Sears?

Jerry Sears:
Yeah?

Hoop:
Looks like your number's up, pal.

[Hoop blows the dust piece off to him, and whips the jerky rope around Jerry's neck]

Hoop:
This is for Stroker, you bastard.

Jerry Sears:
[strangled] What's Stroker?

Hoop:
You know, you're a pretty crappy ninja.

Jerry Sears:
THAT'S BECAUSE I'M A BASSIST!

Hoop:
Well, you better get ready to trade in your bass...for a harp...in hell!

[Hoop killed Jerry]

Hoop:
Tell your ninja buddies you've been hooped.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker and Keith disguises themselves as ghosts]

Keith:
Yo, Grandma.

Mrs. Jimenez:
Oh, my god. Is that you Keith?

Keith:
You don't have to worry. Uh, I'm in heaven now.

Mrs. Jimenez:
Keithy, my little nino.

Stroker:
Heaven is an awesome place Mrs. Jimenez. We'll see you there real soon. Come on, son.

Keith:
Also, grandma, uh, do you have my shoe?

Mr. Jimenez:
AY, DIOS MIO! [closes the door]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Souko:
Now that you have mastered the skill of the assassin, I must give you your graduation present.

Hoop:
Very pretty wrapping paper. I'll hold onto that.

Souko:
You are making me blush, Mr. Hoop. These are the names and addresses of the men who blew up Stroker, Keith, and C.A.R.R.

Hoop:
Aw, how thoughtful.

Souko:
Now are you ready for your second present?

Hoop:
Sure.

[Souko takes off her robe]

Hoop:
Alright, a new robe!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop does karate techniques on objects]

Souko:
Left hand. Right foot. Forehead. Do left ass. Now do right ass.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop tries to write Japanese]

Souko:
"Vengeance is mine".

Hoop:
"Hoop's bedroom".

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Double-Wide:
John Strockmeyer, beloved friend to many, family member to some, private detective to all.

Angel:
BASTARD!

Double-Wide:
Bastard to a select handful.

Woman:
Oh, Stroker, you were too young. We could have been great together.

Angel:
Who the hell do you think you are, b*tch, huh? He's my ex-husband.

Double-Wide:
[sings while the two woman are fighting]

Stroker:
[narrating] I had several thoughts racing through my head at that precise moment. 1: Never bring your son to his own funeral. It was a crappy idea and I was prepared to take the blame for it. 2: Who the hell was that hot chick and where was she when I was supposedly alive? And 3: Where was Hoop? That bastard didn't even care about me dying?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Double-Wide opens up for Stroker and Keith]

Double-Wide:
First let me say how honored I was to be asked by angel to speak today-- Honored and a touch surprised, because I think everybody knows how much money Stroker owed me. [wheezes] Probably never see any of that again, right, Steve?

Double-Wide:
Steve is, uh, Stroker's brother. He's an attorney. [wheezes]

Double-Wide:
Well, this is awkward.

Double-Wide:
Damn it. Can I start over? I'm sorry. Forget that happened, Father.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker and Keith look outside the window of the church and see their family members remembering the memories of Stroker and Keith]

Mrs. Jimenez:
Such a shame about Keith not going to heaven because he never went to confession.

Keith:
[cries] Oh, my god.

Stroker:
Why are you crying?

Keith:
[cries] I'm not going to heaven because I never went to confession.

Stroker:
Of course, you're not going to heaven, Keith. You're not even dead yet.

Keith:
[cries] I don't want to go to hell, Dad.

Stroker:
You stop crying right now or I am never taking you to another funeral again, got it?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[as Hoop was about to leave, Souko throws ninja stars at him and almost sliced off Hoop's balls]

Hoop:
[struggled] Ow. You nicked them.

Souko:
Oh, Mr. Hoop, so sorry. Sometimes that stars rises rift.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
[drunk] I wanna dedicate this song to my best friend, who just died.

Audience:
[gasps]

Hoop:
[to Double-Wide who passed out] Not him-- My earlier best friend. He died for nothing, for the stupid handle of the stupid Fire Lotus. And so tonight, I just want you all to know that I'm planning to brutally avenge his death.

Audience:
[still gasping]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[at the ninjas' base, one of the ninjas shows the fake note to the ninja leader of what happened a couple minutes ago]

Ninja Leader:
J.S.? J.S. That could be anyone?

Ninja #5:
Jimmy Smits?

Ninja Leader:
Jimmy Smits? JIMMY SMITS!

[Ninja Leader slices the 3 ninjas in half]

Ninja Leader:
[to his accountant] Bring in more ninjas please.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after Stroker's plan worked for doing a fake death so the ninjas won't get the Sword of the Fire Lotus]

Stroker:
No work, no school -- We should have pretended we were dead years ago.

C.A.R.R.:
I am going to kill you.

[Keith gets the phone]

Stroker:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Son, what are you doing?

Keith:
Calling Mommy.

Stroker:
Keith, we're pretending we're dead, ok? Dead people don't call their mommies. She'll only think you're dead for 2, 3 days, tops. How bad can that be?

[cuts to the next scene where Angel is crying that his son is dead]

Angel:
[cries] OH, NO! MY SON! OH, NO!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Ninja #3:
Where's the handle?

[Ninja #4 founds a note and shows him a fake note that Stroker and his son got exploded from the car with the Sword of the Fire Lotus inside of it]

Ninja #3:
Oh, great. We're dead.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Double-Wide, can I put a jar by the counter? I'm starting a college fund for the orphaned sons and daughters of dead ninjas.

Double-Wide:
Uh, I don't know. Once you get started with those charities--

Hoop:
Well, you already have one for the handicapped kids.

Double-Wide:
Well, I'll be damned. [laughs] I always thought that was a take-a-penny, leave-a-penny.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker gives C.A.R.R.'s brain to his son so he take the bomb off of the car that the ninjas planted]

Stroker:
Ok, I see an alarm clock strapped to a couple sticks of dynamite. Nothing to worry about. There, that ought to do it.

C.A.R.R.:
Good job, Stroke. How'd you disarm it?

[C.A.R.R.'s vehicle explodes]

Stroker:
I didn't.

Keith:
Oh, my god, dude.

Stroker:
These ninjas are pretty damn persistent. We're better off having them think we're dead.

C.A.R.R.:
YOU A-HOLE!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Ninja #2:
This man Stroker is the new guardian of the handle, master.

Ninja Leader:
After 3,000 years-- So close, and you failed me.

[Ninja #2 starts to get worried when he failed of what's about to happen to him]

Ninja Leader:
I see that you are worried. Relax. It would be insane for me to kill you, not to mention bad for morale of the group.

Ninja #2:
Thank you, master. Very good.

Ninja Leader:
THIS HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT GROUP MORALE! [slices off a ninja member]

Ninja Leader:
[laughs] I'm just fooling with you. I had you worried there for a seconds, didn't I?

Ninja #2:
A little.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
I have a little confession. I've never shot anyone before.

Stroker:
What?

Hoop:
All these years, I've been aiming over their heads.

Stroker:
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Hoop:
This is me turning the other cheek, Stroker. I'm a man of peace now.

Stroker:
So what, you quit again?

Hoop:
I'm afraid so.

Stroker:
What is this, the tenth time you've quit? It's getting old, Hoop. [drives off]

Hoop:
Wait! I still wanted a ride, you bastard! I mean, bless them. Walking will be good for me. [slips on ninja blood]

Coroner Rick:
Hey, watch the brains, alright? They're slippery. [laughs]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Hoop share his moments with the ninja he shotted]

Hoop:
Dear dead ninja-- Oh, god, slimy hand. [clears throat] It's me, Hoop. Even though you're dead--

[C.A.R.R. honks horn]

C.A.R.R.:
Don't shoot me, Hoop. [laughs] Hey, congratulations on bagging the ninja, buddy.

Stroker:
Come on, let's get out of here, Hoop. I got to get Keith a shampoo before I take him back to his Mom's.

Hoop:
Do you guys mind? I'm trying to make a sacred pledge here.

Stroker:
What's your problem? We shoot people all the time. God, you think you'd be happy. I mean, this one actually was self-defense.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Coroner Rick:
Hey, hey, speaking of crapping your pants, that ninja really let loose when your bullet sliced through his cerebrum, Hoop. P.U.!

Hoop:
[sobs]

Coroner Rick:
Aw, what's the matter, Hoop?

Hoop:
I never killed anyone before.

Coroner Rick:
Well, if it's any consolation, he didn't feel a thing.

Hoop:
He didn't?

Coroner Rick:
What's he going to feel it with, Hoop, the part of his brain on the sidewalk or the part in the tree? Or the part of Keith's hair? [laughs] Oh, Hoop, you crack me up.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[as the ninjas were about to slice Stroker and his son, Hoop shoots one of the ninjas for real this time]

Stroker:
Oh, [bleep] me.

Hoop:
Are you guys, ok?

Stroker:
You ok?

Keith:
I'm alright.

Stroker:
We're ok. We just got splattered with brains.

Hoop:
[voice breaking] Well, the ninja isn't. I -- Well, I think he might be dead.

Stroker:
[sarcastic] Oh, really? You think?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker tries to shoot one of the ninjas, but they dodged them instantly]

Stroker:
Damn, they're good. Our class was a ripoff.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Ninja:
Surrender the handle of the Sword of the Fire Lotus or prepare to die.

Sensei:
Ninjas of the Fire Lotus. I knew one day we would meet again. For 3,000 years, my family has guarded this handle to prevent you from assembling the Sword of the Fire Lotus into the world's mightiest weapon. Many died defending it, but the sacrifice was necessary.

Stroker:
Why didn't you just burn it or flush it down the toilet or something.

Sensei:
The reason is-- [realizes] Oh, [bleep]. I guess because we never thought of it!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Sensei:
Is everyone prepared for class?

Kids and Stroker:
Yes, Sensei.

Sensei:
Mr. Stroker-San, I do not see your check in my folder.

Stroker:
Sensei, a month ago I ordered new checks with eagles, and last week the idiots sent me checks with kittens on them.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

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