Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #30

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,716 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Moo-Moo:
Stroker, Hoop.

Stroker:
Sheriff.

Hoop:
Moo.

Moo-Moo:
Y'all wouldn't mind if we took a quick peek in the trunk, would you?

Stroker:
No, you don't want to look in there.

C.A.R.R.:
[opens up his trunk] Oh, go right ahead, officer.

Stroker:
Damn it, C.A.R.R.

Moo-Moo:
Just as I feared.

[Moo-Moo takes off a piece of one of Miss Hoecakes toes and ate it]

Moo-Moo:
Yup. Miss Hoecakes.

C.A.R.R.:
What? There's a body in my trunk? You bastards!

Hoop:
It's not how it looks.

Moo-Moo:
The timing of the killing, the fancy california ingredients like jalapeno and avocado. How could you, Stroker and Hoop?

Hoop:
Well, I guess there's nothing to do but turn ourselves in and trust in the american justice system. [gets out of the car and gives up]

Stroker:
Screw that. [drives out of here with the body]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Double-Wide tries to call Stroker while in the bathroom]

Stroker:
Not now, Double Wide. [hangs up]

Double-Wide:
Damn it.

[Tio and Rico shows up]

Tio the Terrible:
What are you doing on the phone?

Double-Wide:
What? I'm not on the phone. It's a toilet.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after Miss Hoecakes was murdered in a tanning bed, Stroker and Hoop silently puts the body in C.A.R.R.'s trunk]

C.A.R.R.:
Hey, howdy, fellas. Whatch y'all got there?

Stroker:
Uh, just a rug.

Hoop:
Yeah, I spilled some grape juice on it. We're gonna get it cleaned up so the hotel won't charge us.

[as they put the body in C.A.R.R.'s trunk, C.A.R.R. starts to smell something funny while they're driving off]

C.A.R.R.:
Man, it stinks in here. Is that dog crap on that rug?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[Stroker interrogates all the hillbillies who murdered the pageant women]

Stroker:
Sure is hot in here, ain't it, boy?

Hillbilly #1:
Not so hot, really, with the air conditioning and all.

Stroker:
Eh, you're gonna play it that way, huh? About this time of night, I like to kick back and cool off with a cold one. How about you?

Hillbilly #1:
I'm not really a drinker, sir.

Stroker:
Of course you are, and there's a tall boy with your name on it once you start cooperating.

[many beers later]

Stroker:
[drunk] I mean, what the hell do you do for fun in this town? You kill people? Fry 'em up in Hushpuppy batter, you stew 'em up in the bathtub with a hunk of cornbread in the toilet, ain't that right?

[many more beers later]

Stroker:
[drunk while singing] Look away, look away, look away...to Dixieland. [burps]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
[on phone] Yo.

Moo-Moo:
Oh, Stroker.

Stroker:
Moo-Moo? I-I can't hear you.

Moo-Moo:
[spits a crumb of oreo] Sorry about that. Miss Moonpie's dead. What's your theory on it? I gotta arrest somebody tonight or I'm gonna get fired for sure.

Stroker:
I've seen enough movies to know the way it works down here. Your killer is either the corrupt sheriff, the corrupt mayor, or a crazy hillbilly.

Moo-Moo:
I'll have a deputy round up all the hillbillies he can get his hands on. Maybe you boys could question them while I track down a lead at that marshmallow plant.

Moo-Moo:
Oh, and Stroker, if you wouldn't mind leaving Miss Hoecakes at the motel. I don't want here to be exposed to any would-be killers.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Good night, Stroker. Good night, Miss Hoecakes.

Miss Hoecakes:
Good night, Hoop.

Stroker:
Night, Hoop. Good night, Hoecakes.

Miss Hoecakes:
It's Miss Hoecakes.

Stroker:
You know, I've never had hoecakes.

Miss Hoecakes:
And you know what? You never will.

Hoop:
HA HA HA!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Double-Wide:
So, you guys ever driven across country before?

Tio the Terrible:
Why the hell would we do that?

Double-Wide:
Oh, I don't know. Maybe a little thing called Purple Mountain's Majesty. [chuckles] How do you know Stroker?

Tio the Terrible:
We're old friends.

Double-Wide:
Oh, yeah? Me, too. He used to sell mattresses with my brother.

Tio the Terrible:
Uh, that right?

Double-Wide:
Yeah. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I show up asking for my money.

Tio the Terrible:
I can't wait to see the look on his face when I splatter his brains all over the sidewalk.

Double-Wide:
Ha ha! [stops laughing] What? Stroker's brains?

Tio the Terrible:
[speaks spanish] Then we'll kill you. [laughs evilly]

Rico:
[speaking spanish] After we cut off your balls and feed them to you.

Double-Wide:
[speaking spanish] I sure wish I didn't know Spanish.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after Miss Hoecakes won the pageant]

Miss Hoecakes:
Well, I never in a million years thought I'd be Miss Brunswick Stew.

Hoop:
I don't remember any Miss Brunswick Stew.

Moo-Moo:
Oh, lord.

[cuts to the next scene where Miss Brunswick Stew was killed in a bathtub full of stew]

Mayor:
Well, maybe she just accidentally cubed herself and fell into this tubful of hot bod of vegetables.

Moo-Moo:
[tastes the stew with a ladle] Still hot.

Stroker:
Oh, this is disgusting.

Hoop:
Uh, Moo-Moo, I don't think--

Moo-Moo:
[slurps another taste] Avocado? In Brunswick Stew? Well, that ain't southern. It's delicious, but it sure ain't southern. [also bites a dirty cornbread]

Stroker:
[throws up]

Mayor:
I love cornbread.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[in the Miss Southern Delicacies Pageant, Miss Collard Greens does fire stick tricks]

Stroker:
Very nice, very nice. Um, well, so much for talent competition. Let's see how you look in the bikini.

Stroker:
[quietly to Moo-Moo] Miss Collard Greens twirls a fine baton, but she's got junk in her trunk.

Moo-Moo:
What does this have to do with the case?

Stroker:
I'm trying to determine a pecking order so we can see who's next in line to be murdered.

Moo-Moo:
Good thinking.

Stroker:
[to the pageants] I've just conferred with the judges, and uh, looks like we have ourselves a winner. Miss Hoecakes. Give it up for Miss Hoecakes. Since you're the prettiest and you're life's is in most danger, I'd like you to come with us to safehouse.

Stroker:
[to the pageants] As for the rest of you, you should be on the look out tonight. There might be a serial killer who wants to brutally murder you in the matter of the food you're named after.

Hoop:
And good luck in the big competition this weekend.

Stroker:
Oh, hey, uh, forgot to say good luck.

Hoop:
And may the tastiest delicacy win.

Miss Squash Casserole:
[cries] C-C-Can I go to the safehouse, too?

Stroker:
Don't worry. You'll be fine.

Miss Squash Casserole:
Really?

Stroker:
Sure. I mean, there's got to be at least 10 prettier girls who'd have to be murdered first.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Moo-Moo:
[singing] Old times there are not forgotten.

Moo-Moo and Hoop:
[singing] Look away, look away, look away, Dixieland.

Hoop:
[singing] In Dixieland where I was born early on one frosty morn --

Moo-Moo and Hoop:
[singing] Look away, look away, look away, Dixieland. Oh, I wish I was in Dixie, hooray, hooray.

Stroker:
WOULD YOU STOP ALREADY? PLEASE? YOU'RE IN DIXIE, OK? NOW JUST STOP IT.

Moo-Moo:
You sure got a sweet singing voice, Hoop.

Stroker:
That gives me an idea.

C.A.R.R.:
[singing] Mama's little baby, loves shortening, shortening--

Stroker:
C.A.R.R.!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Tio the Terrible:
Where are Stroker and Hoop?

Double-Wide:
Who? Turner and Hooch?

Tio the Terrible:
We know they called you right after they shot me.

Double-Wide:
You guys got the wrong place.

Tio the Terrible:
Pull down his pants, Rico.

[as Double-Wide was about to pull down his pants, Tio confess him with a hammer drill]

Double-Wide:
Oh, screw this. Stroker and Hoop are headed down south somewhere. C.A.R.R.'s been repainted with the stars and bars and has a gunrack on the back.

Tio the Terrible:
You've been a big help.

Double-Wide:
They owe you money.

Tio the Terrible:
Something like that.

Double-Wide:
Me, too. Say, we could road trip it together. We could even split gas money.

Tio the Terrible:
Thanks anyway.

Double-Wide:
I got this tracking device that'll take us right to them.

Tio the Terrible:
[stops after what D. Wide said]

Double-Wide:
SHOTGUN!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Mayor:
Gentlemen, as Mayor of this town, I'll be damned if I'm gonna cancel our second annual southern delicacies pageant and civil war reenactment.

Stroker:
This is only the second?

Mayor:
Yeah, we've had bad luck with festivals, Mr. Stoker.

Stroker:
"Stroker".

Mayor:
Originally there was the Vidalutha Slave Hobbling Contest and Sack Race, then the separate but equal two festivals of segregation, then the Vidalutha Tobacco Leaf Parade and Smoke-Off. Now, if this festival gets cancelled, too, well, it'll break out little town's heart.

Moo-Moo:
Well, don't worry, Mayor. I got some outside professionals on the case.

Hoop:
Oh, thank god, because I know we're in no position to-- [realizes] Oh...you mean us.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
Don't worry, Mayor. We'll find the murderer.

Mayor:
MURDER? [scoffs] Let's not jump to any conclusions, now. I-I'm not a fancy california detective, but I have a theory. Miss Hushpuppy was a family girl. Maybe she had a family reunion coming up and she was doing some home cooking. Flour gets in her eyes and she accidentally trips and falls into a trough of batter. She stands up, slips on the wet floor and lands directly in the giant human-size fryer that she has rented for the occasion.

Hoop:
It still doesn't explain the side of coleslaw we found next to her.

Mayor:
Eh...you boys hammer out the details. All I know is it better get handled or I find a sheriff who will. Do we understand each other, Moo-Moo?

Moo-Moo:
Yes, sir.

Mayor:
Good day, gentlemen. [leaves the diner]

Hoop:
Wait, Mayor! What about your pancakes?

Mayor:
Oh, right. Ha.

Mayor:
Kind of messes up my dramatic exit.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Terry:
Hey, everyone, welcome to Plantations, where we slave to satisfy you.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
So what do we have here? Cat stuck up a tree? Neighbor kid swinging on Aunt Bee's porch swing again? [sees a dead fried pageant] OH, MY GOD!

Moo-Moo:
This here is Miss Hushpuppy.

Deputy:
One of the prettiest girls in the county...till somebody fried her up like a chicken.

Moo-Moo:
Damn shame. She was a shoe-in to win our Miss Southern Delicacies Pageant this weekend. Took 6 rolls of paper towels just to soak up all the grease.

[Moo-Moo takes a piece of finger off of Miss Hushpuppy's hand]

Hoop:
Oh, god.

Stroker:
What the hell?

[Moo-Moo then takes a bite of it]

Stroker:
Oh, you got to be [bleep] me.

Moo-Moo:
Well, now, hell. That ain't fried chicken batter. Well, that's Hushpuppy batter. It was a thematic death, which means he'll strike again. [takes a bite of the finger again] I'll be. A hint of jalapeno. Well, I am so sorry. Where are my manners.

[starts to take another finger piece of Miss Hushpuppy's hand for Stroker]

Moo-Moo:
Do you agree?

Stroker:
You gotta be [bleep] kidding me? I'm not putting that in my mouth.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Moo-Moo!

Moo-Moo:
Hoop! How the hell are you?

Hoop:
Damn, I've missed you.

Moo-Moo:
What the hell's with your teeth?

Hoop:
They're fake, see? Yeah, I just wanted to blend in.

Moo-Moo:
You think we don't have dentist in the south?

[Moo-Moo checks the dixie bell book that shows the phone call for dentists]

Moo-Moo:
Look, Hoop -- Dentist. There's a whole section.

Hoop:
Sorry.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Oh, look, guys. I think we're in the south.

Stroker:
How can you tell?

Hoop:
There's a Hardee's instead of a Carl's Junior and instead of a Ralph's, it's a Kroger's.

Stroker:
Man, it's like whole 'nother country down here, isn't it?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Double-Wide:
Gentlemen, I give you the ultimate expression of southern pride!

[Double-Wide reveals C.A.R.R.'s new design as a southern version]

Hoop:
WHAT! I am not gonna ride in that thing.

Stroker:
It's perfect.

Hoop:
It stands for everything I'm against.

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, shut up, fool. It's heritage.

Hoop:
The heritage of slave-owning.

C.A.R.R.:
Well, you can just walk to Mississippi, then.

Double Wide:
I've added a shotgun rack, a novelty horn... [horn plays "Dixie"]

C.A.R.R.:
Ha! Hell yeah!

Double Wide:
Tweety Bird pissing on the french flag. I've even added a tracking device in case C.A.R.R. gets stolen now that he's pimped out.

Stroker:
You're a genius, Double-Wide.

Double-Wide:
My finishing touch. A southern voice chip.

C.A.R.R.:
[southern voice] Yee-haw! Let's go get them yankee sons of b*tches!

Double-Wide:
I'll just get your bill so you can settle up and you can get out of here.

Stroker:
Cool. Hey, you know what? Just drop it in the mail! [drives out of here with their new design of C.A.R.R.]

Double-Wide:
That bastard!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Tio the Terrible:
You can't hide. I'll kill you.

Stroker:
He doesn't know who we are. He won't find us.

Tio the Terrible:
[reads the billboard on top] Stroker and Hoop, 800-555-0199.

Stroker:
Damn it! We still have those things?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after Stroker and Hoop not recognizing that the man who is calling someone on phone is Tio the Terrible when Stroker threw the phone from Tio's hand]

Tio the Terrible:
You're going to pay, assholes!

Stroker:
T-This is all a mistudnerstanding!

Hoop:
We're big fans of your drug cartel. Primo quality, man.

Stroker:
Ok, we're dropping our weapons. Drop your weapon, Hoop.

[as Stroker and Hoop drop their weapons, their guns shoots Tio and Tio's girlfriend]

Stroker:
Crap. I can't shoot that well when I'm aiming.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Stroker:
[on phone] Look, Benny, we're entitled to the other half of our payment. I need that $10,000.

Benny:
Ron Howard died in an accident. Now way in hell I'm paying you for something that would have happened anyway.

Keith:
Dad, moment of silence!

Stroker:
We had a deal, you son of a b*tch.

Keith:
Dad!

Stroker:
CRAP! DAMN IT!

Bratty Kid:
It's a moment of silence.

Stroker:
Listen, kid. I knew Ron Howard personally. Ron Howard can kiss my ass, and so can you.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Cult Leader:
You're finished, Stroker! Seize him!

[suddenly one of the cult members starts to die]

Cult Leader:
Oh, no! The poisoned appendixes are taking effect!

Brittany Ashley:
The poisoned what?

Cult Leader:
You know, to take our souls to our new life on Venus.

Brittany Ashley:
What? I came to all the meetings, and I never heard you mention Ven-- UGH! [dies]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

Hoop:
Stroker, it's Hoop. Bad news. I have not been able to program the cult members in.

Stroker:
No [bleep].

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

[after Hoop taken the mind control device away from Ron Howard]

Hoop:
This is so incredible.

C.A.R.R.:
Who else is programmed in there?

Hoop:
Here's Jay Leno.

C.A.R.R.:
Yeah, yeah, do him. Do Jay Leno.

Hoop:
Holy cow! I'm seeing what Jay Leno sees.

C.A.R.R.:
Tell him to pick his nose.

Hoop:
Hey, Jay, this is Hoop, and I just want to say, keep up the great work.

C.A.R.R.:
Make him pick his nose!

Hoop:
And my friend wants you to pick your nose.

Hoop:
He's picking his nose.

C.A.R.R.:
Is he on tv?

Hoop:
No, it's too late. It's already -- [gasp] Oh, crap! It's 5:00 A.M. We forgot Stroker.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 1 month ago

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