Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #29

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,716 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Stroker: C.A.R.R., here's my credit card. Buy all the copies of "Stroker-Her and Boob 2" and destroy them. C.A.R.R.: Credit card? Sweet. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Double-Wide gives C.A.R.R. new upgrades by giving him a gun] Double-Wide: You're all set, C.A.R.R. Give her a try. C.A.R.R.: Finally, a gun. I'm one of the team. One of the boys. Wait a minute. Is that B.B. rattling? A B.B. gun? Aw, you bastards. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Hoop: We need to find an expert on porn and figure out how he did it. [cuts to the next scene where Stroker and Hoop are at Double-Wide's garage] Double-Wide: First of all, I am not an expert in porn just because I have a small collection of DVDs, laser discs, and vintage 16mm films. Secondly, YOU BASTARDS! YOU WERE IN A PORN MOVIE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? Double-Wide: Congratulations! You! I saw Shades of Peter North in "Encino Housewife Hookers", and I don't say that lightly. On the other hand, the sequel, not as good. I don't know who your agent is, but it's a rather large career misstep. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Stroker and Hoop watches a random DVD that came from Stroker's yard] Rod Larabie: Hi, I'm Rod Larabie with an important message from the Pornography Film Institute. Won't you join me in helping pass down out porn to future generations? Without your help, classic moments like this, the first interracial midget 3-way in cinema history will soon vanish. [the video goes to the next scene where they play Stroke-Her and Boob] Hoop: HOLY COW! Hot Woman: Somebody stole my jewels? Hot Woman #2: Let's hire Stroke-Her and Boob. Hot Woman: But they're the crappiest detectives in town. Stroker: [on TV] Did someone call for Detective Stroke-Her? Hoop: [on TV] And his lame-ass sidekick Boob? Hoop: Wow. What a makeup job. Stroker: We'll help you find the jewels. Hoop: Yeah, in our pants. Stroker: We'll start by doing to you what we do to all our clients. [Stroker and Hoop have sex with the two hot woman] Hoop: Wow, they even got the birthmarks on Boob just like mine. Stroker: Stop being an idiot, Hoop. That is us. Hoop: Oh, my god, you're right. [disgust] OH, GOD. You're flexible, Stroker. Stroker: I just wish I remembered it. Hoop: Judd must have drugged us. Stroker: That explains the missing two weeks. We're porn stars. How cool is that? Hoop: This isn't cool. What if my Mom watches this? Stroker: We should probably watch it a couple more times for clues. Trailer Narrator: Coming soon, check your local video retailer for "Stroke-Her and Boob 2: They always get their man". Hoop: You're under arrest. White Shirt Man: For what? Stroker: For being number one on my most wanted list. White Shirt Man: Are you guys gonna nail me for it? Stroker: You bet your sweet ass. Hoop: [disgust] OH, GOD. Stroker: Judd is going to pay. [tries to break a DVD in half] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Ms. Peach: The neighbors got together and we're giving you a Cul-De-Sac ticket for letting your yard go, Mr. Strockmeyer. Stroker: Ms. Peach, I don't give a damn about your home printed, made-up, Cul-De-Sac tickets because they're not real tickets, alright? And I don't let my yard-- [sees his yard as a pigsty] Oh, crap. That is pretty bad. C.A.R.R.: Stroker. Stroker, over here. Stroker: C.A.R.R., what the hell? C.A.R.R.: Teenagers rolled me. You left me on manual for two weeks. I need some guns. James Bond's car had guns. Stroker: Two weeks? Ms. Peach: And what will you be bringing to our Cul-De-Sac clean-up and cookout this weekend? We need desserts. Stroker: How about cups? Ms. Peach: Well, that's the lazy way out, but fine. Cups it is. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[while Judd Winner gives Stroker and Hoop their rewards] Judd Winner: Areola, get these guys their money. Stroker: Thank you. Judd Winner: [to Areola] And also get me the hot tub surveillance tape from yesterday. Hoop: Surveillance tape? Judd Winner: Judd Winner has security camera all around his house. This jackass' identity won't be a mystery for long. Hoop: [worried] It's probably not healthy to watch when the wounds are so fresh. Judd Winner: Bull [bleep]! Hoop: O-Ok, so we'll give you some privacy then. Let's go, Stroke. Stroker: Later, Areola, and if you ever need a detective or just someone to talk to. Areola: Yeah, whatever. Hoop: Stroker, the time. Stroker: [to Areola] Wait. Let me write my new number on here. Also, do you validate parking? Hoop: STROKER! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[after it's revealed that Hoop was making out with Judd's Wife in pool while staying in undercover, Judd Winner sees photos of it] Judd Winner: Who is he? Who is he? Judd will kill him. Why is the guy's face so blurry? Stroker: Well, unfortunately, the hot tub caused some condensation on the lens. Hoop: Judd, the who is not really important here. It's the why. The point is, your marriage is in crisis. Judd Winner: Don't tell me what's important. What's important is roasting this guy's balls on a stick. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
C.A.R.R.: Stroker, hot tub action. 2 o'clock! Stroker: Holy crap. Pay dirt. [sees Leslie making out with someone] Looks like the pool cleaner is draining more than her pool. [chuckles] C.A.R.R.: I don't get it. Stroker: It's a double entendre. C.A.R.R.: I know, but for what? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Stroker: Alright, boys, we've been spotted. Time to clean the pool. Hoop: Say your prayers, termites. [as Stroker and Hoop were about to get inside Judd's house while wearing disguises of one of them who is a pool cleaner and a exterminator, a van showed up who are real workers of a pool cleaner and a exterminator] Stroker: Oh, you got to be kidding me. Hoop: A real pool cleaner? What are the odds? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Stroker and Hoop go undercover in Judd's house] Leslie: [on phone] Ugh, I need a mini-pedi. Yeah. Yeah. You know, this really ugly car has been parked across the street all day. I wish they'd move it. It's hideous. Orange with fins all over it. C.A.R.R.: Oh, I can't wait till we nail this philandering whore. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Judd Winner: I want you to go undercover and tail my wife 24/7. I want you to know everywhere she goes, everyone she meets. Areola, bring in the costumes. [Areola bring in costumes] Areola: You may find these useful for going undercover. Stroker: Areola, huh. Nice rack. [laughs] Hoop: Let's see here, plumber, pool man, pizza boy. Oh, Hobbit! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Judd Winner: Judd Winner did not make millions of dollars with "Gals Gone Wild" volumes 1-20 so his wife could take advantage of him. Judd Winner did it to sleep with horny college girls. Judd Winner cheats. Judd Winner does not get cheated on. Stroker: Women. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Leslie: [on phone] Hey, honey, I was wondering if on your way home you could pick something up for me. Judd Winner: Sorry. I'm working late, hon. Leslie: What's that noise? Judd Winner: Just stapling some reports. Leslie: Well, don't forget, I have my book club tonight. Judd Winner: Book club? What book club? Leslie: I told you about the book club. Judd Winner: You're cheating on me, aren't you? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Grobbit #1: Elf Queen, we must destroy the ring to lift the curse on this land. Elf Queen: Your journey will be hard, little grobbits. Your members must travel through the dark forest, and forge the ring in the fiery volcano of Gordoor. Grobbit #1: Where is Gordoor? Elf Queen: I am Gordoor, [lifts up her gown] AND THIS IS MY VOLCANO! Grobbit #1: Let's tap that elf ass. Elf Queen: Oh, forge me! Forge me hard! Grobbit #1: Cut. Cut. Sorry. My pants got caught on this friggin' curly shoe. Judd Winner: Damn it, damn it, damn it! This is a porno. You're Dildo Gaggins. Grab her ass already. Grobbit #1: I can't reach it. Grobbit #2: I-I could stand on your shoulder and do her. Judd Winner: Screw it. I'll do it myself. We'll fix it in post. Action. Judd Winner: Princess, bend your ass over this chair here. [cell phone rings] Oh, damn it! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[after Stroker and Hoop, and the gang leave Mississippi, Hoop sees Moo-Moo again picking up litter in the grass] Hoop: Well, see you later, cousin. You may be a crazy murderer, but you're still family. Moo-Moo: HELP, GUYS! I'M HOOP! YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY! MOO-MOO'S IN THE CARE WITH YOU. YOU'RE MAKING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. Hoop: Aw, gimme a break, alright? Moo-Moo: YOU BASTARD! [while they were leaving Mississippi] C.A.R.R.: Stroker, what if he's right? What if we got Hoop and Moo-Moo mixed up? Hoop: Knock it off, C.A.R.R. [Hoop then devilishly smiles revealing that Hoop's Cousin is, Moo-Moo sitting in the car with them] Stroker: Wait, what's that? Did you just do an evil smile? Moo-Moo (as Hoop): What? No. Stroker: No, no, I saw it in the rearview. You wringing your hands and doing an evil smile. Moo-Moo (as Hoop): No, no, no. That was not an evil smile. It was an all's well that ends well smile. Double-Wide: I don't know. That didn't seem like an all's well that ends well smile to me. C.A.R.R.: We better go back and double check. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Mayor: Ah, we really appreciate all y'all's help in solving the case. Hoop: I just wish we could have done it before 29 girls were murdered and turned into food products. Mayor: Oh, no. No apologies necessary. The murders were great for tourism. We've got a serial killer bus tour now, and they're turning Moo-Moo's house into a museum. And guess what. Stroker: What? Mayor: They're gonna make a tv movie about us on TNT. [laughs] U-Unfortunately, they're shooting it in Canada. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[before Tio was about to kill Stroker and Hoop, the Rebs getting into a fight against Tio and Rico to protect the investigating detectives] Tio the Terrible: The redneck hillbillies...shot me. Reb #3: Who you calling hillbillies, you dumb colombians? You're probably drug lords. Not all southerns are redneck hillbillies, you know. Tio the Terrible: Well, not all colombians are drug lords...although I am. Reb #3: Yeah, I confess, I am a little redneck myself. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Stroker shows up to see which one's the real Hoop] Hoop: Stroker, it's me! Shoot Moo-Moo! Moo-Moo: No, I'm Hoop. Stroker: Both of you, drop your weapons! Hoop: No way. Moo-Moo: If I do, he'll shoot me. Stroker: Damn it. They look exactly the same Reb #3: Well, not exactly the same. They, ahem, dress to different sides. Stroker: What? Reb #3: You know. Dress. [pointing to his pants] [Stroker then sees that Hoop and Moo-Moo are both wearing the same short pants] Hoop: [to Stroker] What are you looking at my penis for? Stroker: Eenie meenie minie Moo-Moo. [Stroker shoots one of Moo-Moo's legs] Moo-Moo: OW! Hoop: Good job, Stroker! For a second there, I thought-- [Stroker also shoots one of Hoop's legs as well] Stroker: Now I can figure out who's who at my leisure. Hoop: [in pain] YOU COULD HAVE JUST ASKED ME SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR LIVES THAT ONLY I WOULD KNOW! ARGH! Stroker: That might have worked. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[after Hoop won the pageant show] Moo-Moo: Congratulations, Hoop. Now hand over the tiara. Hoop: [gives the tiara to his cousin] Looks like your plan almost worked. You just forgot one thing. Moo-Moo: What's that? Hoop: [pulls out his gun to his cousin] Always check the fanny pack. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[the yankees sees Stroker who looked like an Reb] Yankee #1: Hey, where the hell does he think he's going? The western assault's not till 12:00, huh? [to Yankee #2] Hey, let's give him a scare. Hey, dirty reb! [Yankee #2 scares Stroker with a rifle] Stroker: Holy crap! [pulls out his gun and shoots Yankee #1's drink] Yankee #1: Whoa! He's shooting real bullets there. Get the live ammo! [Stroker escaped and suddenly went to the reb's side] Reb #1: It's the Yanks! Reb #2: What the hell happened, soldier? Why ain't they using blanks? Stroker: Oh, um, because they're yankee scum. Reb #1: Get your live ammo, boys. Yee-haw! Stroker: Which way is town? I've got to save a friend. Reb #2: Over the hill, straight through the Vidalutha Outlet Center. Reb #1: But it's swarming with yanks on account of the sale at Niketown. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Jeff: This authentic hardtack sucks. Yankee: They wouldn't have said "sucks" in civil war times, Jeff. Jeff: We're not reenacting yet. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
Double-Wide: Ah, I don't get it. It's saying they should be right here. Somebody must have pulled the tracking device off and thrown it in the swamp. I guess Stroker and Hoop are smarter than I thought. Well, gentlemen, I guess this is the end of the line for us. [Rico pulls up his gun at Double Wide] Tio the Terrible: You mean for you. Heh heh heh! Double-Wide: [worried] You're not gonna cut my balls off, aren't you? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Moo-Moo sprays water on Hoop with a hose] Hoop: Moo, you got to believe me! I didn't do it! Moo-Moo: I know you didn't, Hoop. [pulls up his gun] I did it...dressed as you. Hoop: Moo-Moo! So Stroker was right about the corrupt sheriff! Moo-Moo: Of course he was. Hoop: You clichedly evil bastard. Why? Moo-Moo: As a child, I dreamed of someday being crowned Miss Southern Delicacy. But despite my beauty and poise, I knew I'd never win for one simple reason. Hoop: You're a man? Moo-Moo: Because I couldn't win the talent portion. But with your disguise and your sweet singing voice, this could be my year. Hoop: How? Moo-Moo: If you were disguised as me disguised as a woman, you could help me win the talent portion. Hoop: Listen, Moo, I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I wouldn't stand a snowball's chance against Miss Boiled Peanuts. Moo-Moo: She's dead. Hoop: There's still the matter of Miss Buttermilk Fried Chicken. Moo-Moo: [shakes his head meaning "No"] Hoop: Miss Chicken and Dumplings. Moo-Moo: [shakes his head meaning "No"] Hoop: Miss Banana Pudding. Moo-Moo: [shakes his head meaning "No"] Hoop: Damn, you're fast. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago
[Stroker and C.A.R.R. gets into a dead end in the swamp] Stroker: Damn it! We're gonna have to jump the swamp. C.A.R.R.: There's no way we'll make it. Stroker: There's only one way to find out. [as Stroker and C.A.R.R. tries to jump from the swamp, the scene pauses] Southern Narrator: Well, it looks like the boys have gotten themselves in quite a mess this time. I wonder how they'll ever get out of this fix. [as the scene plays, spoiler alert, they didn't make it] Stroker: Oh, crap. C.A.R.R.: You son of a btch! Stroker:* Sorry, C.A.R.R. [Stroker tries to unlock the car door, but won't open] C.A.R.R.: Automatic windows are shorted. I guess we're in this together. [Stroker then uses his gun to smash C.A.R.R.'s window to get himself freed] C.A.R.R.: OW! HEY! Stroker: I'll be back, C.A.R.R. C.A.R.R.: A captain never leaves his ship. [gurgling] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 1 month ago

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