Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #34

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,716 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[C.A.R.R. heads to the car wash]

C.A.R.R.:
Hey, fella, I'm in a bit of a rush. Just give me the basic.

Car Wash Worker:
We've got a manager's special with a hot hand wax--

C.A.R.R.:
I'll take it.

[C.A.R.R. gets another call from Stroker again]

Stroker:
Bluejay, this is Ladybird! Do you copy? C.A.R.R.? Where are you?

C.A.R.R.:
Stupid C.B. Must be coming from the airport.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
Alright, seal breath. Hand over the money.

Eskimo:
Who are you?

Stroker:
Who the hell are you? Third chair tuba? 'Fess up. We know all about the big band competition.

Eskimo:
Yeah, we're gonna teach you hosers a lesson.

Stroker:
What are you gonna do? Hit me with 52 synonyms for snow?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., stay here while we go inside. If we call for help--

C.A.R.R.:
I can't possibly fit in the doorway to rescue you.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
What are you doing?

Hoop:
[disguising as a cheerleader] I'm going to seduce the eskimo into confessing.

Stroker:
Dammit, Hoop.

Hoop:
What? He's a high school kid. I only have to get him to second base.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
How'd the date go?

C.A.R.R.:
You wouldn't believe it. Not so great, actually. Stroker tried...

Stroker:
C.A.R.R.! [to Hoop] You know, it was ok. I mean, uh, she was into me, but, uh, you know I probably won't call her again.

C.A.R.R.:
I'm not your mobile hotel room, you know.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
So, tell me how you got started in all this band stuff.

Caterina:
Well, I started on the clarinet.

C.A.R.R.:
I am not creepy.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., be quiet, please.

C.A.R.R.:
Caterina, did you know I can calculate your weight? I have scale mechanism in the seats.

Caterina:
I don't want my weight.

Stroker:
She doesn't want her weight, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
Beep-po-ah-muh-wah. 158.

Caterina:
That's not accurate.

C.A.R.R.:
No, it is accurate, to the nearest .03 pounds.

Stroker:
I'm sorry, Caterina. C.A.R.R., this is a date, so quiet, please!

Caterina:
A date? You said this was a stakeout.

Stroker:
Uh, this is the date of the stakeout. It's a stakeout date. Yeah, we set the date for the stakeout, uh, and it's today. Today's the date for the stakeout.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
We got a lead that the perps might be coming here tonight.

Caterina:
At this romantic lake?

Stroker:
Well, don't be lulled into a state of false security, Caterina. This is dangerous work. Champagne?

Caterina:
I don't feel comfortable being--

Stroker:
You can adjust that seat back.

Caterina:
That's not what I--

Stroker:
Just reach down and pull the lever. Cause sometimes it gets stuck. You might have to push hard.

[Stroker goes to the lever at Caterina's seat for only a reason]

C.A.R.R.:
The seat is all the way back.

Caterina:
What's that?

Stroker:
Just a prerecorded voice.

Caterina:
Well, it's creepy.

Stroker:
Yeah, I've, uh...been meaning to get it disconnected.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop finally stops at Megan's house]

Stroker:
No one's home. Good. Hoop, go put the money under the door.

[Megan's parents arrive to surprise Megan]

Megan's Parents:
SURPRISE!

Hoop:
AAH! A FAMILY!

Stroker:
Mr. and Mrs. Wilson...hey!

Mr. Wilson:
It's Detective Stroker!

The Wilson Family:
YAY!

Hoop:
And his partner, Hoop!

Megan's Brother:
Yay!

C.A.R.R.:
And don't forget about lil' ol' me! [raise up his windshield as a sign of waving] I can't hear you?

[Stroker kicks C.A.R.R.]

C.A.R.R.:
Ow, Stroker!

Mr. Wilson:
Where's Megan? Scuttlebunch?

C.A.R.R.:
Stroker ran her over.

Mr. Wilson:
...

Stroker:
I ran her over to the flower shop-- She wanted to get you some flowers.

Mrs. Wilson:
That doesn't sound like Megan.

Stroker:
You know what this party needs? Megan.

Hoop:
Hey, great idea. We'll be right back.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
Some downy white hairs-- The kind found on eskimo parkas.

Hoop:
Do we have to pick on eskimos? After we polluted their folkways?

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, man --

Stroker:
Not a real eskimo. A mascot. From a rival high school. Eisenhower High School, to be exact.

C.A.R.R:
[after getting a car wash from the kids] I just feel so refreshed.

Stroker:
[to Hoop] I should know. I went there.

C.A.R.R:
Brittany started with the hose, you know, wetting me down...

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., you're grossing me out.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
I'm gonna be your shadow, Caterina. We're gonna eat together, sleep together, uh, eat together.

Caterina:
How much will your services cost?

Stroker:
About $500-- Uh, maybe actually $1350. Maybe $14,000.

[Caterina felt sad after hearing the cost]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Caterina:
Our school has one of the best band programs in the country, Mr. Stroker. They are champions. last week, we started receiving these.

[Caterina give Stroker a threaten note]

Stroker:
"Quit before I shove that flute up your ass. This is your last warning". [flips a page] "Quit or you'll be playing the oboe with your ass". [flips another page] "Ok, last message. Hope you still enjoy playing the trumpet when it's sticking out of your--". There's a diagram.

Stroker:
This guy's really into the ass thing.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
Where can I find Caterina? She left us a message about some threatening letters. I'm a detective, so she got in touch with me about that.

[sees Caterina counting the dollars for a trip to Orlando]

Stroker:
[whistles]

C.A.R.R.:
Don't leave! They'll steal your change and CDs!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Car Wash Girl:
You guys want a free wash? It's for us to go to band camp in Orlando?

Stroker:
Sure.

C.A.R.R.:
What? No, Stroke, I-I don't want their oily teenaged hands on me. I want a machine wash.

Car Wash Girl:
We only asked for an $8 dollar donation.

Hoop:
That's how they get ya, with the donation.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after Demon Megan got hit from C.A.R.R., she was able to rise again to get revenge on Stroker & Hoop while being injured]

Demon Megan:
Must kill Stroker and Hoop. Excuse me!

Truck Guy:
No rides for fat chicks!

Demon Megan:
Hey!

Car Guy:
Hey fatty, why don't you try walking it off!

Demon Megan:
Foolish redneck mortals! You and your shallow focus on body image.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
FYI, I've got demon blood drying on my finish?

Hoop:
I'm worried about Megan--

Stroker:
Look, it's a priest's job now, Hoop. Not a private eye. We gotta drop that case pronto. C.A.R.R., where's the advance money for Megan's parents?

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, you spent it on all sorts of crap. Snacks, lottery tickets, beer, porn.

Stroker:
Ahem! The case of the beer and porn bandit. We'll just take a new case. Check the pager, Hoop.

Hoop:
Viagra, Viagra, Viagra, penis enlargement, mortgage, Viagara. A highschool band is getting threats.

Stroker:
How tough can a band geek job be?

Hoop:
Band geeks? [giggling] Hey man, I was third chair piccolo. They let us out fifth period early. We didn't even need a reason.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker presses the yellow button to end C.A.R.R.'s call]

C.A.R.R.:
Flip? I waited on hold for 3-- OH, MY GOD! You're bleeding...

Stroker:
I'm fine. Don't worry about the blood. Let's just get--

C.A.R.R.:
ON MY UPHOLSTERY! AND MY HOOD! YOU SLID BLOOD ON MY HOOD! Oh, my-- Why can't talk you just walk around like a normal person?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
And Flip, the liberals want to teach sex education--

Stroker:
Alright, hit it, C.A.R.R. Let's go.

C.A.R.R.:
...so they can just bring more liberals.

Flip:
You got that right, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
I've been in transportation my whole life--

Hoop:
[to Stroker] We got to get him an F.M. radio already. This right-wing crap is poisoning his mind.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Flip:
...Sex education, and you're on the line, Carter.

C.A.R.R.:
Actually, it's just C.A.R.R. Flip, if you ask me, the only boobs our kids should be learning about in school are the liberal ones in Washington.

Flip:
You are so right--

[C.A.R.R. gets a call from Stroker]

Stroker:
Bluejay, this is Ladybird!

C.A.R.R.:
Crap! Um, 'scuse me for a sec, Flip. Go ahead, Ladybird, I copy.

Stroker:
Operation Harry Potter is a code blue! I repeat -- We got a code blue here!

C.A.R.R.:
What the hell is a code blue, guys?! You added a code blue, and you didn't tell me?

Stroker:
Get your ass over here, C.A.R.R.! Now!

C.A.R.R.:
I remember code yellow, code red-- That's for speeders...

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., HONK YOUR DAMN HORN!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[the teenage girls heard loud knocking from their door]

Cassidy:
Is that your Dad?

Jamie:
No, he's out cheating on my Mom.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Jamie:
Cassidy, you remember those muffins you made for the school bake sale and I said they were the most delicious dessert in the whole wide world? They were not. They tasted like a louboutin full of spoiled chorizo. I lied to you, but I am so, so sorry. We're still friends?

Cassidy & Scarlett:
[laughs]

Cassidy:
That's it? A little white lie so you wouldn't hurt my feelings? Oh, Jamie, you are so sweet.

Jamie:
[giggling]

Cassidy:
Oh, remember when she confessed to not recycling her soda cans?

Scarlett:
Yes! And you felt so bad.

Jamie:
Oh, my god. Okay. What about when I left my brother to die in our burning house? Still friends.

Scarlett:
Wait, what?

Jamie:
When I left my brother to die in our burning house.

Cassidy:
Jamie, that's not a white lie.

Scarlett:
You're -- You're, like, a murderer.

Cassidy:
Yeah, or at least guilty of first-degree manslaughter. My Dad's a lawyer.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Cassidy:
Scarlett, I'm the one who started the rumor about you having a second butthole. I was still mad at you for wearing the same outfit as me to Wiley's Yacht Club Rave Mixer. I should have said something, but instead I started a rumor that you have a second butthole near your armpit. I'm so sorry. Still friends?

Scarlett:
I was way out of line wearing that outfit. Still friends.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Scarlett:
Jamie. I hooked up with Noah. Like, a lot. I-I tried to tell you, Jamie, at the mall that one day, but we were having such a good time, remember?

Jamie:
Brandy Melville, new iPhone cases, the container store.

Scarlett:
Yeah.

Jamie:
We had a churro fight. We sat on that bench. We made fun of that kid in a wheelchair. We went outside, sat in your car, came back in. You farted as we walked in. You denied it. I smelled it. How could I forget?

Scarlett:
I'm so sorry, Jamie. But it's over now. I swear. Still friends?

Jamie:
Still friends. Forever to the end. Noah has got a weird dick anyways.

Scarlett:
He is always saying it points true north. Like, what does that even mean?

Jamie:
Well, he was a boy scout, so...

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Aubrey Duncan:
Well, that does sound like quite a handbag your mother had.

Jim:
Yeah.

Aubrey Duncan:
But why don't we talk about what you brought in today?

Jim:
Okay.

Aubrey Duncan:
Now the unusual brushstroke in this painting leads me to believe it may be the work of Wallace Murray.

Jim:
Oh.

Aubrey Duncan:
[uses a magnifying glass] Ah, yes. Indeed it is. Now, a work by Murray can be worth as much as $20,000.

Jim:
Wow. [laughs]

Aubrey Duncan:
Now tell me. Do you know these young men pictured here?

Jim:
Yes, I do. It is actually my brother and I.

Aubrey Duncan:
Let me guess. Is this one you? [points to the one with glasses]

Jim:
Guilty. [starts to have a panic realization of what he said about the glasses part]

Aubrey Duncan:
Now, unfortunately there is a lot of fire damage.

Jim:
Really, w-where?

Aubrey Duncan:
Well, uh, beginning here and... [touches the burnt paint on the right side of the painting] prominent in this area and then I suppose...of course this is a full lack of canvas...through here. It's roughly 40%.

Jim:
Well, there's a funny story behind that.

Aubrey Duncan:
Oh! I would love to hear a funny story.

Jim:
Well, there -- There was a fire.

Aubrey Duncan:
Was -- Was that the funny story?

Jim:
No.

Aubrey Duncan:
Well, given the damage...

Jim:
He's dead.

Aubrey Duncan:
Who is dead?

Jim:
My brother.

Aubrey Duncan:
Did he die in...in this fire? [referring to the burnt up painting]

Jim:
What fire?

Aubrey Duncan:
Thank you for bringing this in today, Jim. Uh, sadly, this appears to me to be basically worthless. It is, after all, "One man's junk".

Jim:
I see. Thank you for your time.

Aubrey Duncan:
Thank you.

[Jim ruins the painting with his anger]

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Commercial Announcer:
New from Yaytime Toys, it's the board game that takes you into the incredible world of "Mr. Neighbor's House". It's the...

Children:
Mr. Neighbor's House Television Programs Board Game!

Commercial Announcer:
Mr. Neighbor is having his 31st annual 5th birthday party, but there are challenges and delays along the way.

Mr. Neighbor:
And I need your help to get home, take a shower, put my clothes back on, and set out snacks!

Children:
We can do it, Mr. Neighbor!

[The children puts Mr. Neighbor at the Witch's Wigwam?

Children:
The Witch's Wigwam?

Child with Glasses:
You owe us $37,000.

Child with Long Hair:
For the persecution of our wiccan beliefs.

Commercial Announcer:
The special-friends cards are there to help.

Child with a Bow:
Ms. Lady moves you ahead four spaces. Maybe they'll finally kiss.

Child with Glasses:
Nope, because they landed on Poor People Lane.

Children:
Class differences!

Child with a Bow:
Oh, poor Mr. Neighbor.

Child with Long Hair:
[to the girl] Your parents are divorced.

Child with a Bow:
...

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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