Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #34

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,956 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Coroner Rick sees a teddy bear version of Hoop and a note] Coroner Rick: [reads] "Twapped with Stwoker in Haitian Fuzzy Bear Factowy! Need immediate wescue! Pwease send Help! -- Hoopie Bear". Coroner Rick: I can't believe those guys are still screwing around in New Hampshire. Double-Wide: Ah, yeah. I can't keep up this orgy much longer. The mozzarella sticks are backing up on me. Porsche: That's why the Romans invented the Vomitorium. [vomits on the bucket] Ah, that's better. Now, who wants a blow job? Coroner Rick: No, thanks. Double-Wide: I'm cool. Thanks, Porsche. [changes his mind for a few seconds] Ah, what the hell? Porsche: Wait -- No, wait. Hold on again. [throw up once more] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Stroker eats brains while being a zombie] Stroker: This is disgusting. I hate myself. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Hoop: Oh, my god. They're using zombies for cheap labor. Those greedy bastards. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
C.A.R.R.: Hold it, right there! Double-Wide: C.A.R.R.? What are you doing here? C.A.R.R.: Stroker asked me to keep an eye on you keeping an eye on Coroner Rick. This case sucks. I feel like Aquaman when there's trouble in the Sahara. Porsche: Who is it, Double-Wide? Double-Wide: It's Stroker's car. Porsche: Ask him if he wanna have sex with us. Double-Wide: Hey, C.A.R.R., do you want to -- [to Porchse] What? It's a car! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Porsche: Oh, my god, Coroner Rick. I didn't know Coroner's carried a night stick. Coroner Rick: That's not a night stick. [laughs] Porsche: And Double-Wide, I didn't know mechanics used, uh, Chapstick. Double-Wide: That's not Chapstick. [laughs] Wait a minute. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[when Stroker and Hoop are trapped in coffins after getting blown from zombie powder] Hoop: [thinking] I sure hope Stroker thought to close his eyes and hold his breath when the guy blew the zombie powder on our faces. You really do learn a lot on the Discovery Channel. Stroker: [thinking] So, this is how it ends? Brief stinging, followed by numbness, and then a hunger for brains. How long is a flight to Haiti? I gotta...I gotta take a dump. Do zombies take dumps? Ah, they eat brains. You'd think they'd have to. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Witch Doctor: You want them dead or undead. Gary: Undead. Hoop: Just plain not dead would be even better. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Stroker and Hoop hide above the ceiling in Gary's Office when Gary arrives] Gary: [on phone] Hello, security, there's two guys hanging from my ceiling. I don't know why they think I can't see them. Stroker: We know all about the voodoo, Gary! And there's two of us and one of you. We've still got the upper hand. [Hoop's gun then slips out of his pocket and falls into Gary's desk] Hoop: Oops. I probably should have zipped that up, huh? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Gary: Hey, folks, you want to see our newest model? It's the latest from our religious line. Our nativity bears were such a success, we knew we had to complete it with this. [Gary pulls a teddy bear stuck to a cross that says "The Pain Is Un-Bearable"] Stroker: Oh, this is unbearable. Hoop: Or as I like to say, unbearable. Ha, oh, wait. Stroker: Let's go look for evidence. Hoop: Or as I like to say, bearedence. Stroker: Or as I like to say, everbear. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Coroner Rick opens Porsche's bathroom and sees Double-Wide taking a dump] Double-Wide: Well, ever heard of knocking, Coroner Rick? Jeez. Coroner Rick: What the hell are you doing here, Double Wide? Double-Wide: Stroker called from New Hampshire and asked me to check in on you. I wonder why. Real nice can you got here, Porsche. [laughs] Although the monogrammed toilet paper is a bit much. Porsche: Those are hand towels. Double-Wide: Oh. GOTCHA! I was totally kidding. [sees the toilet overflowed] Double-Wide: Got anything to nosh down in the kitchen? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Coroner Rick: I find a bubble bath is just the thing to wash away your sorrows and the smell of dead people. [Porsche kisses Coroner Rick] Coroner Rick: Wow! Ok! For once, this is going how I fantasized it. Porsche: Forgive my boldness, Coroner Rick. It's just that I haven't been laid properly in a month. Coroner Rick: You're in luck, Porsche. Years of dissecting genitalia have made me an expert lover. Porsche: ... – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Doctor tries to fix a teddy bear] Doctor: Nurse, I need 3 CCS of loving care, stat! Clamps! Stuffing, more stuffing, come on. Keep it coming! New eye. [Nurse gives him an eye] Doctor: Dammit, Nurse! This is a vest button! Does this look like an eye to you! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Tour Guide: This is our TLC Ward where out trained actors fix up well-loved bears with a little tender loving care. Stroker: Or as you like to say, "Tender Loving Bear". Tour Guide: [pissed] Would you like to do this tour, sir, because that can be arranged, ok? Stroker: Uh, no. Sorry. [to Hoop] But I would like to see her bare breasts. Tour Guide: What did you just say? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Tour Guide: Welcome to the New Hampshire Fuzzy Bear Factory. We're busy little bears, so we ask that everyone wear a hard hat during the tour. Here you go, sir. Stroker: Yeah, I don't want head lice. Tour Guide: Oh, who's the grumpy grizzly? Hoop: She got you, Stroker. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Porsche: [crying] Ansel ordered the bear! I had nothing to do with it! You gotta believe me! You just gotta-- Stroker: Just calm down, Porsche. Porsche: You got to! If you help me, [stops crying] I'll sleep with you. [goes back to crying] Stroker: I -- I believe you. I was just testing you. Now, calm down. [slaps Porsche] Hoop: Hey, you can't slap a woman. [slaps Stroker] Stroker: It was a "Regain your composure" slap. [slaps Hoop] Hoop: I don't care! [slaps Stroker] Stroker: They do it in the movies. [slaps Hoop] Hoop: 1950s movies. [slaps Stroker] [Stroker slaps Hoop multiple times] Hoop: Truce, truce, truce! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Porsche: [singing] Ding dong, the Ansel's dead, the wic-- [sees Stroker and Hoop when she stopped singing] Porsche: [fake crying] Oh, Ansel. Stroker: I gotta hand it to you, Porsche. Porsche: Sorry? Stroker: Hiring me was a nice touch. Make you look innocent. But you didn't count on me discovering your little voodoo doll, did you? Do I look like your chump? Your patsy? You voodoo murdering gold-digging whore! Porsche: It's true, I stomped on it, but only because it's a crappy gift. I didn't know -- Hoop: It is a crappy gift. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after Stroker accepts Porsche's case, his black girlfriend arrives] Sunshine: You Stroker? I'm Sunshine from Budget Escort Services. Stroker: Uh, he, uh... [german voice] He no live here no more. I'm Hans from Germany. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Porsche: Mr. Stroker? Stroker: You're not black. Porsche: No, I'm not. Stroker: But I'm not complaining. Porsche: That's good. Stroker: How much for everything? Porsche: I was going to ask you that. Stroker: Well, what do I get to do? Porsche: You get to solve the murder of Ansel Candler. Stroker: Uh, is that like shaking hands with the bishop, 'cause I was hoping more for something like... [whispered to Porsche's ear] Porsche: ... Stroker: Oh, wait, murder of Ansel Candler! That's a case! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after Porsche destroys the teddy bear voodoo of Ansel, she comes back to the room and see his real Ansel dead] Porsche: [screams] I mean ca-ching! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Porsche: Can you believe we've been married one whole month, Ansel? Ansel: Put your boobs on my face. Porsche: But, wait, Ansel, what about your heart condition? Ansel: Read your damn prenup, woman. Boobs, face! Porsche: You read the prenup. You're supposed to shower me in gifts. Shower, gifts! [Ansel gives her a big gift] Porsche: Oh, yay! It's awfully big for jewelry. [Porsche opens the present and sees a teddy bear version of Ansel himself] Ansel: A new hampshire fuzzy bear personalized to look like me. Porsche: [reads the note] "Ansel Bear wuvs to get busy with u". [sarcastic] How precious. Let me just take it in the other room so I won't spill wine on it, ok? Ansel: Don't take long. I've only got a half hour left in my erection. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Hoop: Hey, C.A.R.R. Stroker: Having second thoughts about coming back now that we're big tv stars, huh? C.A.R.R.: Kind of. Light 100's parent company decided to change our format to alt-country, so I got fired. Hoop: I thought things were going so well. C.A.R.R.: Ah, Gangland Slayings didn't work the same magic for light hits as they did for rap. After the decapitation of Carly Simon, pretty much everyone went into hiding. Stroker: It's a fickle business. One minute you're a fading star, the next you've been reborn as a decapitated diva. C.A.R.R.: Bippity-Boppity. I was a DJ, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. It's not even my size. Hoop: C.A.R.R.! SHOWING LIGHT 100 COLORS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD? ARE YOU CRAZY?! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after shooting a court scene for a series] Stroker: Hey, thanks again for the guest starring roles, Homicidal Rapist. Hoop: It's sure going to be a thrill to see my name speed by in the squeezed credits under the starts of the local news. MC Homicidal Rapist: It was the least I could do. After all, it was your idea I take credit for accidentally shooting Lil' Rapist and TJ. Sure pushed that Eminem movie out of everybody's minds. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after Lil' Rapist was dead, he still has a bit of health left of him and starts to shoot TJ the DJ's arm] TJ the DJ: Hey, oh! That has got to hurt! [weakly normal voice] Yes, it does. [falls down] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[as Chico shoots Lil' Rapist, Chico then revealed himself to be Corner Rick all along] Hoop: Coroner Rick? Coroner Rick: That's right! [laughs] Hoop: Where in the world did you get a mask of Chico? Coroner Rick: Oh, I didn't. I just cut Chico's face off and used it to disguise myself. You want to try it on? Stroker: Uh, no, thanks. TJ the DJ: Ho! Forget the lemonade stand. I think I dropped a dump in the old dockers, folks. I'm freakin' dying inside but my voice remains unchanged. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 2 months ago

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