Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #33

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,716 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Hoop's Mom sees Hoop and Vanessa playing Crapple]

Hoop's Mom:
Who's winning?

Vanessa:
Hoop.

Hoop's Mom:
My Hoopie always had a good vocabulary. He's quite a reader.

Vanessa:
Yeah.

Hoop's Mom:
[sees the board] There's no such thing as "Enveep".

Hoop:
Oh, it's a type of fruit that-- Uh...

Vanessa:
I tried to challenge him, Mrs. Schwartz, but we didn't have a dictionary.

Hoop's Mom:
[sad] I don't need a dictionary to spell whore! It's V-A-N-E-S-S-A! I'm getting Webster's!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Detective Putoine:
Stroker, I've read your statement. It says here you shot David Copperfield?

Stroker:
He was supposed to catch the bullet.

Detective Putoine:
Right. The bullet catch. Yeah. His big finale.

Stroker:
I warned him. I said, "David, you've been drinking. Are you sure you're up to the bullet trick"? And--And he insisted.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop's Mom:
Hoopie, why is the door closed?

Hoop:
Oops.

Hoop's Mom:
The door is to remain open when ladies are present.

Hoop:
Hold on, Mom. We're playing Crapple. [to Vanessa] Quick, get dressed.

Vanessa:
Dammit, Hoop. That's it.

Hoop's Mom:
Hoop!

Hoop:
Hold on, Mom. Vanessa is just tallying her score.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
Copperfield, what did you do with the kid?

David Copperfield:
You'll never find him, Stroker.

Stroker:
How did you know my name?

David Copperfield:
Show me some respect. I'm David Fricking Copperfield!

[as David Copperfield tries to disappear with a smoke bomb, Stroker shoots him, which failed miserably]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

David Copperfield:
Do I have any volunteers? How 'bout you, Danny?

Danny:
I don't want to disappear.

David Copperfield:
What if I shared the secret to one of my famous illusions with you?

Danny:
Alright.

[David grabs Danny]

David Copperfield:
[whispered] Stop being a wussy, and get in the frigging cage. [puts him in the cage] Now, don't tell any of your friends.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker meets his son]

Stroker:
Hey, sorry I'm late, pal. I was chasing some bad guys.

Keith:
Mom said you were asleep.

Stroker:
[pulls up an air freshener] Hey, look, what Dad got ya. This, uh, this is a chinese throwing star, huh?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Angel:
Glad you could make it. The kids are out back watching David Copperfield.

Stroker:
What the hell is Copperfield doing here?

Angel:
Apparently, we won some contest.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker's voice message on phone]

Stroker:
Hello, there. This is Stroker. I'm a private investigator, so I'm probably out in a dangerous mission right now. So, just leave it at the beep. Ciao. Here comes the beep. Here it comes. Oh, and hey, if you're calling for Dr. Ditmer, this is not a dentist's office, so please--

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
Hoop, check the pager!

Hoop:
Alright, let's see here. Penis enlargement, penis enlargement, penis enlargement, low mortgage, penis enlargement. [gasps] This isn't spam! Some guy invented a penis enlargement pill, and it's been stolen!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Mr. Wilson:
There they are. The two idiots.

Hoop:
Megan? Is that you?

Stroker:
Hey, you lost weight. Lookin' good, Megan.

Mr. Wilson:
She crawled in the forest for 3 days to find...

Stroker:
Uh, you didn't get the ambulance? Oh, 'cause we called. We called. Hoop, didn't I tell you to call the ambulance?

Mr. Wilson:
You son of a b*tch! [steals 2 passports and box away from Stroker] [bleep] sucking mother [bleep] rat whore!

Mrs. Wilson:
[whispered] Jack.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop gets the money back after fighting the mascot car wash villains]

Stroker:
Well, kids, here's your money. Well, you know, less expenses, overtime, mileage, uh, getting beaten up. That's an extra fee. Anyway, here you go.

[Stroker give one the car wash kids some money]

Car Wash Boy:
$20 bucks?

Caterina:
We'll never make Orlando.

Stroker:
Did someone say Orlando? Because I just got back from the travel agent...

Car Wash Kid:
[gasps with joy]

Stroker:
...with two tickets. If you'll have me, Caterina.

Caterina:
Go the hell, mister.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[C.A.R.R. crashes Captain Rick]

C.A.R.R.:
Ooh. What do you do you think of that?

Hoop:
C.A.R.R., I think you have a problem.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
I'm sorry guys! They promised me a lifetime supply of-- [gets waxed] Oh, there's the wax. That's what I like, the hot wax.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R...what happened to your antenna?

[C.A.R.R. sees his antenna bent]

C.A.R.R.:
Hey, what the hell? Which one of you jackasses bent my antenna?

Mr. Sombrero:
Not me.

Captain Rick:
Must have been bent when you got here, matey.

Stroker:
I don't know, C.A.R.R. That comes out of your deductible. Your rates are gonna skyrocket.

C.A.R.R.:
Yeah, somebody is gonna have to pay to fix that! And it is not gonna be me.

Turtle Mascot:
Read your ticket. "This contract limits our liability". We are not responsible.

C.A.R.R.:
Not responsible?! You greedy bastards!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker & Hoop disguise as different mascots to get the villains' base]

Turtle Mascot:
Who the hell are you guys?

Hoop:
We are from Hawaiian Robot Wash & Shine.

Stroker:
Aloha.

C.A.R.R.:
[while getting a car wash] Aloha my ass, Stroker and Hoop!

Turtle Mascot:
Hey. Excellent work, C.A.R.R. You brought them right to us.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., you dirty rat!

C.A.R.R.:
Rat, yes. Dirty? Not anymore! Ohh...chamois, chamois, chamois, chamois, chamois...

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker caught the eskimo]

Stroker:
Alright, this band-camp crap ends now, you little punk.

Hoop:
Huh. What kind of an eskimo head is that?

High School Boy:
I'm a Wolverine.

Stroker:
No, you're an eskimo. The Dwight D. Eisenhower Eskimo. And you've been robbing the Truman High School Band Car Wash.

Hoop:
What would the Inuit Council of Elders think?

High School Boy:
What are you talking about? We switched to the Wolverines, like, 15 years ago. Didn't you notice the signs?

[Stroker looks at the sign that said "Go Wolverines"!]

Stroker:
Wolverines? What kind of generic crap is that?

High School Boy:
Eskimos weren't politically correct. Everybody in town dropped it-- Except for the guys over at the North Pole Wash.

Hoop:
Stroker, isn't that where C.A.R.R. was calling from?

Stroker:
One second, Hoop.

Hoop:
I think he's in trouble.

Stroker:
[to the High School Boy] Anyone can be a Wolverine or a Wildcat. But we were the Eskimos, man. The Eskimos! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Don't you get it?

Stroker:
[singing] We drag our enemies back to camp, use their blubber to fuel our lamps, uh, something, something, whale bone, walrus...uh, something, something, uh, rhymes with walrus. When we kiss it's with our nose, we're the Eisenhower Eskimos! [accidentally hits the high school boy when he finished singing]

Stroker:
Oh, god, I hated high school.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker get a call from C.A.R.R.]

Stroker:
Whatever it is, C.A.R.R., no. Tough love.

C.A.R.R.:
Come quick. I've solved the mystery. There's a car wash mob!

Hoop:
Tell him I said hi.

Stroker:
You need help, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
They're trying to put an end to all the charity car washes. I'm at the North Pole Wash-- Come quick!

Stroker:
No, C.A.R.R. I won't meet you at North Pole Wash so you can get a car wash. [hangs up]

Hoop:
You didn't tell him, didn't you?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Turtle Mascot:
For years, my fellow car wash barons, we have sat idly by while the charity car washes have encroached on our way of life. When the church does a car wash to send bibles to China, does it not take food from your children's mouths, Mr. Sombrero?

Mr. Sombrero:
Si, it does.

Turtle Mascot:
Si. Money that you could use to hire a pool cleaner, Captain Rick?

Captain Rick:
Aye!

Turtle Mascot:
Or a shirt, for those cold nights, Topless Carwash Girl. Or yo, Mr...um...

Shillelagh Shine:
Shillelagh Shine. I-I didn't know we were supposed to wear the costumes.

Turtle Mascot:
Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Maybe this will help your memory, you little-- [shoots Shillelagh Shine]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Yo! Don't be forgetting my moms needs the car back for bridge group tomorrow.

Stroker:
I know. But listen, Hoop, I don't really think we need...

Hoop:
Who's Hoop, man? I'm "Sticks". Just moved here from Boston and I love to rock 'n'' roll! Woo!

Stroker:
No, Hoop, you don't.

Hoop:
Sticks. 'Cause I always carry these. [pull out drumsticks] You're a chad. You're a rich preppy jerk who dates the prettiest girl in school. Here, just tie this sweater around your neck.

Stroker:
That get-up is like an '80s thing. It's like John Hughes.

Hoop:
Mm-hmm. That's what I was going for-- John Hughes. Is it too '80s?

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., are you getting this?

[Stroker then did not realize he's talking to a regular car that got from Hoop's Mom]

Stroker:
C.A.R.R. I hope he rots!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
Excuse me? Miss? Honk honk! Ok! Great! I'm meeting some old friends who have my gas card, and I'm almost on "E". Do you have any change? Maybe in your shoe?

Jogging Woman:
Can I see your fuel gauge?

C.A.R.R.:
Well, see, that's broken. If you give me your address, I can mail you the money later.

Jogging Woman:
I can call your friends for you.

C.A.R.R.:
They don't have phones.

Jogging Woman:
Sorry. [goes back to jogging]

C.A.R.R.:
Wait, Miss! There's a sponge in my backseat. Could you just scrub my underside?

Jogging Woman:
Pervert!

C.A.R.R.:
WHORE!

Jogging Woman:
A whore?! Did you just call me a whore?!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
Hey, fellas! beautiful night for a little stargazin'! You got the right idea there.

Stroker:
Where were you?

C.A.R.R.:
When? Just now?

Hoop:
Earlier. When we were being beaten and stripped.

C.A.R.R.:
Oh! Uh...smog check.

Stroker:
You smell like pina-coladas, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
Some bum threw a drink on me.

Stroker:
Wait. Is that...fresh vacuum marks? Where did you get the money from the wash, C.A.R.R.?

C.A.R.R.:
Um, you know. My, uh, Bar Mitzvah money? I mean, I'm haulin' stuff on the side on the weekends. A little gypsy-cabbing late at night, Nascar.

Stroker:
My advance money. What did you do with my money, C.A.R.R.?

Hoop:
Look at these receipts. Cactus wash. Suds and studs. Panda wax and shine. What's the "around the world swirl" package?

C.A.R.R.:
Look, if I could hold a sponge in my wipers, I would, Stroke.

Hoop:
C.A.R.R., I think you have a problem.

C.A.R.R.:
I don't complain when you spend all our money on food and shelter.

Stroker:
I'm putting you on manual C.A.R.R. You're going cold turkey.

C.A.R.R.:
Up yours you are. [leaves]

Stroker:
Come here, C.A.R.R. Come here now. Right now, C.A.R.R. Get back here!

Hoop:
All the washes in the world won't fix what's broken inside, C.A.R.R.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Mr. Wilson:
You said you had our daughter, you son of a...b*tch!

Mrs. Wilson:
Oh, Jack!

Stroker:
Mr. and Mrs. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson:
Tell me where my daughter is you lousy, no good family wrecker!

Hoop:
Wait, this is all part of our plan.

Mrs. Wilson:
Do you want us to untie you?

Stroker:
Yes.

Hoop:
No!

Hoop:
Jack. Jean. This is a trap. The unholy alliance who took your daughter, we're like a giant piece of cheese to them.

Mrs. Wilson:
Oh, dear.

Stroker:
Now I suggest you leave for your own safety.

Mr. Wilson:
Oh, I'll leave, Detective Stroker. But when I come back, you'd damn well better have my daughter, you son of a b*tch [bleep] sucking mother [bleep] rat whore...

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after Stroker & Hoop get tied up from the Big Band]

Hoop:
Caterina was not kidding about a competitive band community.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R. better be dead in a ditch somewhere. If he's not, I'll kill him.

Hoop:
What was up with the pirate and topless girl? Are they mascots?

Stroker:
Who knows, Hoop? Kids today with their baggy jeans and their pirate costumes.

Hoop:
And they're being topless.

Stroker:
Tomorrow we go to Eisenhower High. That eskimo won't be so tough without his friends around.

Hoop:
It's a nice night, at least. Sitting outside...in the quiet, just being. Cool grass on our buttocks.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[while C.A.R.R. gets the manager's special in the car wash]

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, yes, just below the mudflap, Jorge. I don't feel comfortable asking for it like this this at home, you know.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R Do you copy? We're pinned down.

Hoop:
Code blue! Code red! Code green! Code yellow! Code brown!

C.A.R.R.:
[to Jorge] Just ignore that. That's one of my books on tape-- "The, uh, code brown scenarios".

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., where are you?

Hoop:
We come in peace! Love your casinos!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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