Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #35

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,957 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[as Chico shoots Lil' Rapist, Chico then revealed himself to be Corner Rick all along]

Hoop:
Coroner Rick?

Coroner Rick:
That's right! [laughs]

Hoop:
Where in the world did you get a mask of Chico?

Coroner Rick:
Oh, I didn't. I just cut Chico's face off and used it to disguise myself. You want to try it on?

Stroker:
Uh, no, thanks.

TJ the DJ:
Ho! Forget the lemonade stand. I think I dropped a dump in the old dockers, folks. I'm freakin' dying inside but my voice remains unchanged.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
So when are we gonna see Homicidal Rapist?

Stroker:
Sorry, Hoop. They're making me kill you and TJ.

Hoop:
What?

TJ the DJ:
Hey, hey, kill us? Well, that just put some lemonade in the old levis. I'm friggin' terrified here, but years of talking like this have made me unable to express it.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[while Stroker gets pointed with a gun from Lil' Rapist]

Stroker:
Uh, Homicidal Rapist wanted me to invite you all to his mansion as a special thank you for making him look like such a swell guy.

Hoop:
Aw, Homicidal just gets sweeter and sweeter.

Stroker:
Yeah, he wants to *shoot* the breeze. It's a great *set up*.

Hoop:
Thar sounds fun!

C.A.R.R.:
Yeah, we're about to do a creed 3-fer and we're good to go.

TJ the DJ:
With arms wide open.

Stroker:
Uh, hey, Rick, how's your Sister, Indanja?

Coroner Rick:
What? Oh, you know I don't have a sister, Stroker. [phone rings] I wish I could join you, but somebody just shot up a bunch of fellas at the motel. Hey, you want me to show you guys to the prize closet?

Lil' Rapist:
That's ok. We gotta get going anyway.

Stroker:
Hey, C.A.R.R., uh, can you play Bruce Springsteen's "Look Out, There's A Gun At My Back"?

C.A.R.R.:
That's classic rock. We're adult contemporary.

Stroker:
Damn it, how about Lionel Ritchie's "You Guys Are Morons"?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
What the hell? C.A.R.R., you're a DJ? Coroner Rick?

Coroner Rick:
I heard C.A.R.R. on the radio and I had to come right down. Check it out. I got a Light 100 t-shirt, zoo crew coffee mug, water bottle, coaster--

C.A.R.R.:
Put the coaster back. We're almost out of coasters.

Coroner Rick:
I can't. I already rested my drink on it.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

TJ the DJ:
Hey, Hoop, I understand you've got some exclusive web content for our light listeners.

Hoop:
That's right. You may have heard the name MC Homicidal Rapist. He's a rap star.

C.A.R.R.:
That's the music without any melody that angry black gangstas play to get under our skin.

[cuts to the next scene where MC Homicidal is listen to the Light 100 broadcast on radio while driving]

Hoop:
Actually, he's not a gangster at all. He's a total sweetheart.

MC Homicidal Rapist:
[stops the car] What the fizz...

TJ the Dj:
And if you're as sick of all the posturing and so-called urban music as I am, you are gonna love this.

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Oh, god, no.

Lil' Rapist:
You know what? I'm really gonna enjoy killing those two.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
[on phone] Heyo!

Hoop:
C.A.R.R., quick computer question.

C.A.R.R.:
Greeting, light hits lovers. This is Wheelie the Light 100 Funmobile!

Hoop:
What?

C.A.R.R.:
I'm spinning all your favorite light hits right now, so I can't get to the phone, but you can meet me in person at Bob Boomer Auto today from 7:00 to noon. Keep it light, people. You know I will. And if this is Stroker, screw you, you incompetent bastard. [hangs up]

[Hoop calls the number again]

Hoop:
Hey, Wheelie, this is Hoop. I'm coming down there. I need your help.

[after Hoop leaves]

Hoop:
[gets back on phone] Also can you play "Total Eclipse of The Heart" for my Mom? Light 100 is the best! Bippity-boppity! [leaves]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Lil' Rapist:
Whassup, b*tches?

Stroker:
What do you want? Lil' Rapist?

Lil' Rapist:
Here to see if I should murder your asses.

Stroker:
We got the tapes.

Lil' Rapist:
Damn. You got any chocolate cookies, b*tch?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
You got the tapes?

Chico:
You got the money?

Hoop:
[brings up camera] First I sample the merchandise.

[Hoop plays one of the videotapes in the camera]

Stroker:
What do you see?

Hoop:
That's MC Homicidal Rapist. Alright.

Chico:
Wait till you see the [bleep] kittens. I still get nightmares.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after C.A.R.R. gets traded from a car sale]

Used Car Salesman:
[to a customer] Well, this little beauty was actually owned by a mechanic. New tires.

C.A.R.R.:
A-hole.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
How much you want for them, bro?

Chico:
Heh heh. How much you got?

Hoop:
How does 800 big ones sound?

Chico:
800K? Cool.

Hoop:
Oh, I'm sorry. 800 little ones.

Chico:
Meet me at that seedy motel across the street in exactly 12 hours. [leaves]

Hoop:
I wonder why seedy means crappy. I mean, seeds are miraculous. Fruit grows from them.

Coroner Rick:
You'll have to figure that out without me, fellas. I can't hang with this gangsta lifestyle no more.

Hoop:
Too many hoes and ass whippings for your taste, Coroner Rick?

Coroner Rick:
No, man. It's all that second-hand smoke.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Chico:
Yo, I heard you was looking for the tapes.

Hoop:
You know who has them?

Chico:
I seen them myself, man. There's some seriously twisted [bleep].

Coroner Rick:
Like what?

Chico:
Brother, you don't want to know.

Coroner Rick:
Come on, come on, I'm a Coroner. Brown showers? Beastiality?

Chico:
Worse.

Coroner Rick:
Electric genital torture? Oh, ritual anal mutilations?

Chico:
...

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop gets bailiffed from the club]

Stroker:
Get your hands off me. This is the V.I.P. lounge, b*tch. I want my courvoisier.

Hoop:
Tell Preposterous to get a rhyming dictionary! Rub -- [gets slapped] -- Grub -- [slapped] -- Dub. [slapped] OUCH!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
[drunk] I'm not self-conscious anymore. I'm dancing. Look at me, I'm dancing. I'm gonna be dead in 18-- [looks at his clock] 16 hours, but I'm finally dancing.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Preposterous:
No need to fight. No need to fuss. What you want with Preposterous?

Hoop:
Mr. Rapist sorely misses his home videotapes, Mr. Rous. They were important documents in his life history, and we'd be willing to pay for their safe return. As much as, say, um, $800?

Preposterous:
I don't need to plead my innocence. I'm as not guilty as 1,000 tents.

Hoop:
Huh, ok. I can go to $900?

Preposterous:
You say I stole the videotapes? But I was at home...eating grapes.

Hoop:
Were you really eating grapes or did you just say that for the rhyme?

Preposterous:
What you doing in my club? 'Cause I don't like you in my club.

Hoop:
I'm sorry, but strictly speaking, club is not a rhyme with club.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
How much for a cranapple?

Bartender:
7.

Hoop:
How much to speak to Preposterous?

Bartender:
Depends on who's asking?

Hoop:
Close personal friend of MC Homicidal Rapist. He wants to close the book on this little rivalry.

Bartender:
You don't look like most of the fellas from his crew.

Hoop:
How do most of the fellas look?

Bartender:
Black.

Hoop:
Well, maybe you'd like to say hello to my little black friend...Sanchez.

[shows his cellphone of Homicidal's black goat]

Hoop:
One of the goats in Homicidal's Petting Zoo. [shows another of pic of Homicidal getting bruised by a mob] I'm really pleased with how this one came out. Good composition.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
[drunk] African-American, black-- All I know is I've got $1,500 to my name. And I'm spending it on Cristal for my ladies!

Coroner Rick:
Stroker, that's your bribe money.

Stroker:
Bribes are for wimps. Cristal is for pimps.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop disguised themselves as hip-hop gangsters to get inside the club]

Stroker:
This is really embarrassing, Coroner Rick. Nice going, buddy.

Coroner Rick:
Maybe next time you should buy some disguises instead of borrowing crap from my closet. Now, I'm gonna go see how long the wait is. [leaves]

Stroker:
[to Hoop] He's black. He should know about culture.

Coroner Rick:
What did you say?

Stroker:
I said you're African-American. You should know about your own culture.

Coroner Rick:
So it's African-American to my face and black behind my back, huh?

Stroker:
I'm just saving on syllables.

Coroner Rick:
Uh-huh.

Hoop:
African-American is a lot of syllables.

Stroker:
You wouldn't say African-American on African-American violence, would ya?

Coroner Rick:
Not if I were you. I wouldn't say another word around here.

[Stroker sees another black guy looking deadly straight at him]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., take me to a used car lot, please.

C.A.R.R.:
May I ask why?

Stroker:
I'm going undercover. I need some hip hop wheels.

C.A.R.R.:
What do you mean? I'm crook. Slap some spinners and a whistle tip on me and I'm good to go. Woo-woo!

Stroker:
Sorry, buddy, got to trade you in.

C.A.R.R.:
But my seat contours to your ass perfectly. That takes years of working together.

Stroker:
Just don't let on that you're a self-driving talking car. When the moment's right, you can just drive away.

C.A.R.R.:
Well, what if I get bought by mexicans? They can pile in 10 to a car like me, not to mention those big bags of oranges.

Hoop:
C.A.R.R., no racist crap, ok?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Lil' Rapist:
Preposterous has got to be involved somehow. You guys should check out his club.

Stroker:
Who's Preposterous?

Lil' Rapist:
Rival rapper. Him and Homicidal were best friends until two years ago.

Hoop:
He steal one of your b*tches?

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Worse. That mother knocked off several accessories from my Macy's spring collection.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Gentlemen, I brought you here to discuss the violent theft of my home movies yesterday evening.

Stroker:
What was on the tapes?

Lil' Rapist:
None of your damn business! Could be murder, drugs, me and the MC getting busy with underage hoes...

MC Homicidal Rapist:
These tapes may mistakenly portray me in an extremely poor light. I could lose everything-- The record contract, the casual menswear line, my new spinoff series, "Law and Order: Ghetto Justice". In light of this, I am prepared to make you a generous offer.

Lil' Rapist:
You have 24 hours to find the tapes or we gonna kill you.

Stroker:
Yeah, we'll take the case.

Hoop:
Thanks for thinking of us.

Stroker:
Did you recognize the men who did it?

MC Homicidal Rapist:
They had presidents masks-- Nixon, Lincoln. I didn't get a good look at the third fellow, but it could have been James K. Polk.

[Lil' Rapist shoves MC]

MC Homicidal Rapist:
I-I mean, they looked like some old white crackers. How am I supposed to know?

Umbrella Guard:
Yeah, how is he supposed to know, bushy hair?

Hoop:
[to Stroker] You're getting dissed by the Personal Umbrella Holder's Personal Umbrella Holder.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after MC Homicidal Rapist get hostaged]

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Look, man, there's no money in there. Please, please, I will give you anything you want -- Jewels, cars, and autographed copy of my platinum album, The Rapes of Wrath.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Mobster #1:
Who are you supposed to be?

Mobster #2:
President Polk.

Mobster #1:
They had a Polk mask?

Mobster #2:
You never heard of manifest destiny, b*tch? Maybe you wished Texas were pronounced Tejas.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Hey, awesome party, MC Homicidal Rapist.

Stroker:
Yeah, it's a real defjam.

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Y'all enjoying my shrimp puffs?

Stroker:
Oh, my god. They melt in the miso.

[MC slaps the shrimp puff out of Stroke's hand]

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Y'all supposed to be body-guarding me, not eating my friggin' pafedero.

Stroker:
Yeah, we're trying to blend in.

MC Homicidal Rapist:
Shut up, b*tch. Now, I'm gonna go hitch some skin.

Hoop:
Wait, I researched this. Do you mean skins as in the vagina or, um, as in rolling papers?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

District Attorney:
Do you carry a weapon in your line of work?

Stroker:
Yes, ma'am. A 9 millimeter semiautomatic.

District Attorney:
The same type of weapon used to kill your best friend and partner.

Judge:
Objection!

District Attorney:
Retracted. [to Stroker] Where were you on the night of March 7th?

Stroker:
I was home alone watching television.

District Attorney:
And then you went to bed?

Stroker:
No. I used my 9 millimeter semiautomatic to KILL MY BEST FRIEND AND PARTNER! What are you gonna do about it, b*tch?

Judge:
Sir, you are out of order!

Stroker:
Oh, yeah? THIS WHOLE PROCEEDING IS OUT OF ORDER! HELL, THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY IS OUT OF ORDER!

Judge:
That's enough.

Stroker:
My only regret is that I didn't save a bullet for you and this incompetent sketch artist!

[cuts to the next scene where the sketch artist is literally drawing Stroker bickering his rants of what he's doing right now]

Judge:
Bailiff, restrain this man!

Stroker:
That doesn't even look like me, man!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
"Not all those who wander are lost."
A J. R. R. Tolkien
B Marl Twain
C Maya Angelou
D Agatha Christie