Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #35

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,716 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Game Show Host:
Round 2 is just like Round 1. The only new rule is have fun! Jim is playing for the his and hers set of monogrammed hand towels and complete redemption from past sins.

Jim:
[concerned] Wait, I am?

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Jimmy:
Anyways, the quote is from John Berger. He wrote "Ways of Seeing". It's a critique of traditional western cultural aesthetics, basically raising questions about hidden ideologies in visual images, which reminds me, Wolfe...I have photos of you at the crime scene.

Wolfe:
What? That's impossible.

Jimmy:
Berger says that the relation between what we see and what we know is never quite settled.

Wolfe:
I don't know what you're talking about.

[Jimmy punches Wolfe]

Jimmy:
You're a smart guy, Wolfe. Think about it. What does that mean?

Wolfe:
I don't know. Reality or something?

Jimmy:
Acceptance of reality. [punches him again]

Wolfe:
Ow! That's basically what I said!

Jimmy:
I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE SPECIFIC! [punches him again]

Wolfe:
You should have been clearer!

Jimmy:
ALRIGHT! THAT'S ON ME! I APOLOGIZE! MY BAD! [punches him again]

Wolfe:
Then maybe you should stop punching people when you ask them questions!

Jimmy:
THAT'S GOOD FEEDBACK! MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE THIS! [slams Wolfe's head down on a metal desk]

Wolfe:
OW!

Jimmy:
Is that any better?

Wolfe:
No. No. It's worse! Please punch me. Please!

Jimmy:
PUNCH YOU? YOU WANT ME TO PUNCH YOU?

Wolfe:
Yes! Yes! Please!

Jimmy:
Alright. Here we... [punches him a lot of times]

[Detective Randal arrives to see how the interrogation's doing]

Detective Randal:
So it turns out... [sees Jimmy punching the hell out of the suspect] Okay.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Jimmy throws a chair]

Detective Randal:
Jimmy, what the hell?!

Jimmy:
Sorry to interrupt. But listening to your conversation here with Detective Randal reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite, I guess you could say intellectuals.

Detective Randal:
Come on, Jimmy. Don't do this.

[Jimmy throws Randal's coffee mug]

Detective Randal:
That was my favorite coffee mug.

Jimmy:
I know. That's why I threw it.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Mr. Neighbor finally found the secret door]

Mr. Neighbor:
What do you think, gang? Should I open it?

All:
[everyone agreed]

[as Mr. Neighbor opens the door, the door is somehow locked]

Jen:
Try turning the knob the other way.

Mr. Neighbor:
Good idea, Ms. Lady.

[Mr. Neighbor turns the knob the other way, but didn't work either]

Ice Cream Bruce:
Maybe it's a key card.

Scarf Monster:
[mumbles]

Jen:
Try knocking.

Ice Cream Bruce:
Is there another door knob?

Some Other Guy:
Maybe it's a padlock.

Daisy:
Try pushing it.

Jen:
Maybe it's a retina scan.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Mr. Neighbor gets back to the couch with Buddy after talking about lies]

Buddy:
A lie is a lie no matter--

Mr. Neighbor:
No, Bu-Buddy. We're-We're pass that.

Buddy:
Oh.

Mr. Neighbor:
But I learned an important lesson.

Buddy:
[gasps] A lesson? Oh, boy! What did you learn, Mr. Neighbor?

Mr. Neighbor:
That you should always tell the truth, and when you hurt the people you love, you need to...

Buddy:
Give them a band-aid!

Mr. Neighbor:
NO, APOLOGIZE! [goes back to his positive self] You have to apologize.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Buddy:
Mr. Neighbor! You're back! Did you find the secret door?

Mr. Neighbor:
I didn't find it, Buddy.

Buddy:
What?!

Jen:
But the truth behinds all of the unhappiness in Neighborton must be behind the secret door.

Mr. Neighbor:
Dr. Salmonfish said the secret door can... [thinks for a sec] ...only be found by those who are truly honest.

Buddy:
But you're the most honest person in Neighborton, Mr. Neighbor.

Jen:
Very honest.

Scarf Monster:
Mm-hmm.

Ice Cream Bruce:
I heaarrrd that.

Mr. Neighbor:
Thank you, friends, but actually, I told a little white lie.

All:
[everyone gasps except for Jen when her horrified gasp was delayed while eating a pie]

Buddy:
But, Mr. Neighbor, telling a lie is wrong. You always say a lie is a lie no matter...

[Buddy lost movement again when Mr. Neighbor gets up from his couch to say the rest of the quote that Buddy was about to say]

Mr. Neighbor:
A lie is a lie no matter what the color, and when you lie, you hurt your brother.

Mr. Neighbor:
Earlier today, Chef Bread asked me to try his Arbor Day Pine Tree Pie, and I told him it was the most delicious dessert in the whole wide world.

Jen:
Which is why I decided to eat nothing but pine tree pies.

Ice Cream Bruce:
[while holding a flaming matchstick] And why I decided to give up selling my ice cream.

Duff and Daisy:
And we share genitals!

Mr. Neighbor:
I didn't want to hurt your feelings, Chef Bread, but the truth is your pie tastes like a boot full of rotten sausage.

[Chef Bread's hat slides off as a sign of disappointment]

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Mr. Neighbor finally sees his mother back as a floral purse]

Mr. Neighbor:
Mother.

Wendy Neighbor:
Hello, Jim.

Mr. Neighbor:
Everyone, this is my mother, Wendy Neighbor.

[as Mr. Neighbor was about to hug his Ma]

Wendy Neighbor:
No, no, no, no, no. Mama just got her hair did. What the hell is going on here?

Mr. Neighbor:
It's my birthday.

Wendy Neighbor:
Oh, sh*t.

Mr. Neighbor:
That's why you're here, right?

Wendy Neighbor:
I don't know if I got a gift or anything. Hold on. [throws makeup supplies and stuff] Alright, you know what, I don't have a present. [scoffs] Who cares? Holy sh*t. You got bald. Ugh. Disgusting.

[as his Mom steps on Mr. Neighbor's birthday hat, Mr. Neighbor had enough]

Mr. Neighbor:
We were just about to have cake.

Wendy Neighbor:
I can't have cake. I just got my stomach pumped.

Mr. Neighbor:
You told me 31 YEARS AGO THAT YOU WERE GOING OUT TO GET ME A BIRTHDAY CAKE!

Wendy Neighbor:
Oh, christ. Get over it. I don't need this. I'm just gonna get what I came for and go. Where is it? Where is it? Booyah! Sweet insurance money. Mama's getting paaaaaid!

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Donna the Mystic:
Go ahead, Mr. Neighbor. Make your wish.

[as Mr. Neighbor blows the candles out, something didn't feel right]

Buddy:
What's wrong, Mr. Neighbor?

Mr. Neighbor:
My wish didn't come true, Buddy.

Buddy:
SH*T!

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Jen:
I know, Mr. Neighbor. Let's play a party game!

Mr. Neighbor:
I have the perfect party game. You guys can lock me in the basement so I'm "out of your hair", and that way, you can party like hell in here.

Todd the Demon:
That doesn't sound like a very fun game, Mr. Neighbor.

Mr. Neighbor:
I guess it wasn't. [realized he forgot the demon ghost's name] Um...

Todd the Demon:
Oh, the name's Todd.

Mr. Neighbor:
Hello, Todd. Thanks for coming.

Mr. Neighbor:
Well, I do have a web cam and a spoofed I.P. addr--

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Mr. Neighbor:
All my friends are here. Welcome, everyone, to Mr. Neighbor's 31st annual 5th birthday party!

All:
[cheered]

[after that, everyone was silenced and didn't know what to do next]

Jen:
So nice.

Mr. Neighbor:
I'm sorr--

Jen:
It's nothing I was just --

Mr. Neighbor:
It's okay.

Jen:
I was just gonna say wouldn't...

Mr. Neighbor:
If anybody wants to talk...

Jen:
...wouldn't miss it. [chuckles] So...

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Mr. Neighbor welcomes the guests]

Mr. Neighbor:
Hello, King Id. Hello, Queen Super Ego. Spaghetti Face. Grandma Wrinkles. Cheerleader. Chef Bread. Donna the Mystic. [sees Todd the Demon] Oh, hello. I don't know you, but welcome. Duff and Daisy. Dying Wizard. Officer Policecop. Ice Cream Bruce. Scarf Monster! Friendly Ghost. Photo Joe. Devon. [jealous] Carl. [goes back to normal] Cat Bird.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Mr. Neighbor:
[singing] What do you need for birthday fun? Lots of friends and, please, no guns. Snacks for your tummy, a cake that looks yummy. Pretty decorations make things fun.

Buddy:
[singing] Guests will arrive bringing fun toys...

Mr. Neighbor:
[singing] Mommies reunite with little boys.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Lyndon pisses on dead JFK]

Lyndon Brines Johnson:
You take it, you little slut. You little boston b*tch. Come on, now. Give it to me. YEEHAW! Yep. [zips his pants] He's dead alright.

LBJ's Assistant:
I never realized you could tell...like that.

Lyndon Brines Johnson:
Oh, yeah. Well, back on the farm, that was the only way to really make sure a cow a goner.

LBJ's Assistant:
You used to screw the wounds of cattle skulls?

Lyndon Brines Johnson:
Oh ho ho. Works like a charm.

LBJ's Assistant:
Poor President Kennedy.

Lyndon Brines Johnson:
There's still hope. I know a doctor. A monster doctor. I mean, he's a doctor for monsters. He's not a monster himself, but he did invent an immortality serum that makes him live forever, so I guess that makes him monster-like, but, I mean...

Mary Shelley's Frankenhole  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Phoebe:
Drinky Crow, you're going to have to deal with this guilt by having many boring conversations with me about your feelings and then when those don't work -- Expensive therapy.

Fighter:
And I'll sue you for murdering me!

Rodica Kopelman:
And I'll sue for failing to murder him. [referring to Fighter]

Monster King:
And I'll sure you for stealing my ancient rubies!

Drinky Crow:
I didn't even steal them!

Monster King:
You can say that through your $500-an-hour litigator, chump.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Captain Maak:
So we just initial next to the stickies and the war is over. Let us wait upon my fancy pen.

Lieutenant Vronchy:
All the years of war I never realized we both shared a passion for speculating upon what different objects would be called in the language of animals.

Captain Maak:
Indeed. I believe that if others had the gift of speech, they would call the sun a "Piru". While camels and dromedaries would refer to water as "Ekaban Saur".

Lieutenant Vronchy:
Fascinating! Although, in my view if mice could talk they would call a table a "Shalofey".

Captain Maak:
I DISAGREE!

[as Captain Maak and Lieutenant Vronchy were about fight, a seagull pooped on the table between them, and laugh it out]

Lieutenant Vronchy:
But we need not resort to violence to resolve the question.

Captain Maak:
Indeed. And here's the fancy pen.

[while Captain Maak and Lieutenant Vronchy write out their name on peace treaty, a random cannonball hit Captain Maak's butt]

Captain Maak:
[to Vronchy] SO! OFFERING PEACE TO MY FACE WHILE MAKING WAR ON MY REAR IS IT? [rips the peace treaty]

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[all the woman in the baby shower throws up]

Pig Woman:
Oh, are we eating our babies now?

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Uncle Gabby:
[to Drinky Crow] Way to bail to me. I had to kill those guys by stamping on them. That's not artistic. Is it?

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Uncle Gabby:
[to the betrayed villains] I've given you a deadly poison! I injected the antidote in your fingers, so you must eat them to survive!

Fighter:
You already injected us with the antidote?

Uncle Gabby:
That's right!

Fighter:
Why would we need to eat our own fingers then?

Uncle Gabby:
Look buddy, there's no need to over think this.

Thief:
Are we to believe the antidote remains localized in the blood stream where it was injected?

Fighter:
That's stupid. Or am I missing something?

Rodica Kopelman:
THIS IS A TOTAL FIASCO!

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Drinky Crow:
Here's the plan. The machine plugs their urethras and force-feeds them water. There are two unplugging keys, which they'll fight over.

Uncle Gabby:
And the third guys' kidneys will burst?

Drinky Crow:
Right. I designed the meatus plugs myself!

Uncle Gabby:
Nice.

Drinky Crow:
Making a complicated murder machine is way more fun than worrying about my kids. I feel guilty.

Uncle Gabby:
What? Why? It's obviously more fun.

Cleric:
[while being tortured in the murder machine] Yeah, dummy.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Drinky Crow sees the Thief and Cleric]

Drinky Crow:
So you're sure they're not the Thief and Cleric and not just losers with costumers?

Uncle Gabby:
Yeah, what's out move?

[Drinky Crow walks pass the Thief and Cleric]

Uncle Gabby:
Crow, you forgot the part of kidnapping where you kidnap them.

Drinky Crow:
Did I? Since he's a thief I knew he was gonna take my wallet.

[as the Thief open Drinky's wallet, snakes popped out and beats up the Thief and Cleric]

Drinky Crow:
They're also afraid of snakes.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Uncle Gabby:
Hey! Got any good ideas for cool kidnapping and/or murders?

Drinky Crow:
A few notebooks full. Why?

Uncle Gabby:
I got a gig.

Drinky Crow:
Phoebe, can I hang out with Gabby for a while?

Phoebe:
Yes, but don't forget the baby shower is at 7:30. We want our new child bearing friends to like us so pick up a good spread.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Drinky Crow:
I'm sorry I ran away before, Phoebe. Maybe you feel more attached to them because you -- How can I put this -- Pooped them out of your dual crackh--

Phoebe:
Don't be so hard on yourself, Drinky. You're not born knowing how to love. You have to learn. [gives him a brooding book]

Drinky Crow:
Yeah. They still might miscarry right?

Phoebe:
There's a ten percent chance.

Drinky Crow:
[tired] I'll read nine out of ten pages then.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Uncle Gabby kidnapped Bloodmane]

Max:
Excellent work! Not so might now, are you, Bloodmane? So, tell me. What poetic and ironic way did you kidnap him?

Uncle Gabby:
First, I hit him with a bat! Two, I stuffed him in a sack!

Rodica Kopelman:
[to Max] Damn it. You had to save money and hire a monkey to do poetic justice.

Max:
[to UG] If you can't do poetic, we may need to go in a different direction.

Uncle Gabby:
Don't worry, I think I get what you want now. I actually prefer more poetic myself, I just went with the bat because it has broader appeal.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Rodica Kopelman:
Here's the deal. Max and I were recently on an archaeological expedition. With the help of a fight, a thief, and a cleric, we defeated the guardians of the Lost City of Hodags and looted their treasure. With their hands on the trove of hodag rubies, our colleagues re-considered their promise of splitting the treasure five ways.

Max:
We crawled out way out through miles of tunnels subsisting only on each other's urine.

Rodica Kopelman:
And the hope of revenge!

Uncle Gabby:
So now you need someone to kidnap and murder them?

Rodica Kopelman:
Yes, but it has to be done in a cool way. To send a message.

Max:
In the tomb-raiding business, style is like 90%.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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What TV show has the quote "man hands on misery to man it deepens like a coastal shelf"?
A Prince of Peroria
B Greenhouse Academy
C A Series of Unfortunate Events
D The Inbestigators