Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #38

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,957 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Hoop:
I have a little confession. I've never shot anyone before.

Stroker:
What?

Hoop:
All these years, I've been aiming over their heads.

Stroker:
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Hoop:
This is me turning the other cheek, Stroker. I'm a man of peace now.

Stroker:
So what, you quit again?

Hoop:
I'm afraid so.

Stroker:
What is this, the tenth time you've quit? It's getting old, Hoop. [drives off]

Hoop:
Wait! I still wanted a ride, you bastard! I mean, bless them. Walking will be good for me. [slips on ninja blood]

Coroner Rick:
Hey, watch the brains, alright? They're slippery. [laughs]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Hoop share his moments with the ninja he shotted]

Hoop:
Dear dead ninja-- Oh, god, slimy hand. [clears throat] It's me, Hoop. Even though you're dead--

[C.A.R.R. honks horn]

C.A.R.R.:
Don't shoot me, Hoop. [laughs] Hey, congratulations on bagging the ninja, buddy.

Stroker:
Come on, let's get out of here, Hoop. I got to get Keith a shampoo before I take him back to his Mom's.

Hoop:
Do you guys mind? I'm trying to make a sacred pledge here.

Stroker:
What's your problem? We shoot people all the time. God, you think you'd be happy. I mean, this one actually was self-defense.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Coroner Rick:
Hey, hey, speaking of crapping your pants, that ninja really let loose when your bullet sliced through his cerebrum, Hoop. P.U.!

Hoop:
[sobs]

Coroner Rick:
Aw, what's the matter, Hoop?

Hoop:
I never killed anyone before.

Coroner Rick:
Well, if it's any consolation, he didn't feel a thing.

Hoop:
He didn't?

Coroner Rick:
What's he going to feel it with, Hoop, the part of his brain on the sidewalk or the part in the tree? Or the part of Keith's hair? [laughs] Oh, Hoop, you crack me up.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[as the ninjas were about to slice Stroker and his son, Hoop shoots one of the ninjas for real this time]

Stroker:
Oh, [bleep] me.

Hoop:
Are you guys, ok?

Stroker:
You ok?

Keith:
I'm alright.

Stroker:
We're ok. We just got splattered with brains.

Hoop:
[voice breaking] Well, the ninja isn't. I -- Well, I think he might be dead.

Stroker:
[sarcastic] Oh, really? You think?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker tries to shoot one of the ninjas, but they dodged them instantly]

Stroker:
Damn, they're good. Our class was a ripoff.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Ninja:
Surrender the handle of the Sword of the Fire Lotus or prepare to die.

Sensei:
Ninjas of the Fire Lotus. I knew one day we would meet again. For 3,000 years, my family has guarded this handle to prevent you from assembling the Sword of the Fire Lotus into the world's mightiest weapon. Many died defending it, but the sacrifice was necessary.

Stroker:
Why didn't you just burn it or flush it down the toilet or something?

Sensei:
The reason is-- [realizes] Oh, [bleep]. I guess because we never thought of it!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Sensei:
Is everyone prepared for class?

Kids and Stroker:
Yes, Sensei.

Sensei:
Mr. Stroker-San, I do not see your check in my folder.

Stroker:
Sensei, a month ago I ordered new checks with eagles, and last week the idiots sent me checks with kittens on them.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Ms. Peach:
I have a new Cul-De-Sac ticket for you, Mr. Stroker.

Stroker:
Look, Peach, I-- [sees the ticket] "Best sack on the Cul-De-Sac"?

Ms. Peach:
I didn't know we had a celebrity in our midst.

Mailman:
Excuse me.

[Stroker opens the package and sees another porn movie of themselves again called Stroke-Her and Boob 3, Getting Your Goat]

Stroker:
Not again.

Double-Wide:
That's just gross-- And I'm jaded.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
You quit pretending you're blind, and I'll let you play with your new B.B. gun.

Keith:
Oh, boy, that's so cool!

C.A.R.R.:
[to Stroker] You bastard.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Hoop cooks burgrers with dvds of Stroke-Her and Boob 2 copies]

Hoop:
How's your burger, Double-Wide?

Double Wide:
Little plasticky, but good.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after Stroker and Hoop won the Annual Porny Awards for Stroke-Her and Boob, Hoop's plan is to now expose Judd for illegal reasons about the movie]

Hoop:
If I may, a few words about Judd Winner. Um, Judd...thank you for believing in me, for nurturing me. I-I couldn't have done it, uh, without you. Um...y-you are truly an amazing person.

Stroker:
Stop! STOP!

Hoop:
[cries] I love you--

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop escapes from the two co-eds tiger girls]

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., cover us!

C.A.R.R.:
Die, you bastards! [shoots them with a BB gun]

Double-Wide:
No, you're making a mistake! We could tame them!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Rod:
Wow, what a thrill it is be hosting the 23rd Annual Porny Awards with you, Henna.

Henna:
Thanks, Rod. You know, the pornies have a special place in my heart. Before winning my first golden bone last year, I'd been nominated a record 17 times.

Rod:
Now that's what I call a sore loser.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Judd Winner, Japanese investor, your sick experiments end now.

Judd Winner:
Stop him, Areola.

[as Areola was about to lift up her breasts]

Stroker:
[pulls up his gun to Areola] First sign of pink and I shoot.

[as Stroker pushes the button to let the hot co-eds free]

Judd Winner:
Moron! Do you realize what you've done?

Stroker:
Yeah, saved a bunch of wild co-ed girls. And they're gonna be grateful.

Hot Girl #2:
Do you guys like to party?

Stroker:
Yes, we do.

Hot Girl #1:
Oh my god. He's going to bring the vanilla stoli!

[the hot co-eds suddenly tackles the asian businessman and eats him]

Asian Businessman:
[while getting mauled by two wild co-eds girls] Heaven.

Stroker:
Holy [bleep]!

Judd Winner:
I said they weren't ready yet. What do you think? Still too much tiger, right?

Hot Girl #2:
This is so good, you guys.

Hot Girl #1:
Oh my god, does eating people make you fat?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Japanese Businessman:
Hypnotizing co-eds isn't enough anymore. DVD sales are down.

Judd Winner:
Oh, it's just a blip. When the new infomercials hit the air--

Japanese Businessman:
No! The Japanese market isn't excited by "Gals Gone Wild" any longer. We demand something wilder.

Judd Winner:
I need more time.

Japanese Businessman:
Then the private jets and wild parties must stop.

Judd Winner:
[sighs] Areola, bring out the cage. I was hoping to have time to perfect them, but since you insist, I present to you "Gals Gone Wilder".

Japanese Businessman:
What makes them wilder?

Judd Winner:
We took our hottest, horniest co-eds, and spliced them with DNA from wild tigers.

[reveals the hot co-eds in human tiger forms]

Hot Girl #2:
Meow!

Hot Girl #1:
Oh my god. I'm like so drunk y'all.

Japanese Businessman:
Oh, my god. Judd Winner, you've done it again! You're a genius! The furries are going to love this.

Stroker:
What are furries?

Double-Wide:
Men who like half-animal chicks. We've-- They've had to make do with costumes until now.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[the Annual Porny Awards starts with an introduction]

Woman:
[singing] Light the lights, and start the song...

Woman #2:
[singing] Put on make-up...

Male Midget:
[singing] And shine your dong.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop went inside the Judd's building while wearing porno glasses so Double Wide can tell which way to go]

Double-Wide:
Ok, guys, keep walking straight ahead. Stop right there, Stroker. Now slowly scan from left to right and back again. That's amazing.

Stroker:
What's amazing?

Double-Wide:
It's the actual ball gag from the original "Ass Blasters".

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Double-Wide:
I give you the Porno-Cam XLS. Most of the time was just getting the FRICKING LETTERING RIGHT!

Stroker:
What?

Double-Wide:
Try them on.

Stroker:
How do I turn it on? I can't see crap.

Double-Wide:
Exactly. If you can't see her, she can't hypnotize you.

Stroker:
Well, how in the hell are we supposed to catch Judd when we can't see anything?

Double-Wide:
This camera will send video to a monitor inside C.A.R.R. and I'll guide you remotely, and I'll be recording everything so we can nail Judd.

Hoop:
Double-Wide, you're a genius. Come here, you big lug. Don't be shy! [hugs Stroker instead of Double-Wide while wearing porno glasses]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[while Double-Wide is working on un-hypnotizing device, he still feels disappointed at Stroker and Hoop for not making more porn movies of Stroke-Her and Boob]

Hoop:
Can we help?

Double-Wide:
Yes. You can help me by not asking any more dumbass questions.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Double-Wide:
You're the stars of the hottest new narrative porn property in years and you make "Sack Flashers"? We could have done 18 more "Stroke-Her and Boobs". I could have gotten you gross points and a pay-per-view special. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

Stroker:
Listen, Double-Wide--

Double-Wide:
No, you listen. How do you expect to win a porny award when you're dabbling in the amateur stuff? It's a slap in the face to the entire industry.

Stroker:
Look, we need you to build a device to infiltrate Judd Winner's estate without getting hypnotized.

Hoop:
We've got to get evidence of Judd's misdeed and expose him at the porny awards.

Double-Wide:
Ok, one condition.

Stroker:
What?

Double-Wide:
You guys sign with me for exclusive representation.

Stroker:
We're not--

Double-Wide:
No negotiation. Scripts, contracts, press-- From now on, everything goes through me.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
[on phone] Yello?

Angel:
"Sack Flashers"?

Stroker:
Hi, Angel.

Angel:
Why can't you get a normal job? Nobody wants to see your sack. I've seen it and it ain't all that, ok?

Stroker:
Listen, Angel--

Angel:
Keith was watching cartoons when your commercial came on. What kind of sick mind advertises their sacks during "Spongebutt"? He's gone blind, Stroker, blind. The doctor says it is hysterical blindness. He's so embarrassed by the hot sacks. Keith, Keith! Stay away from there! I've got to go. But I want part of the royalties, ok?

Stroker:
Judd Winner is going down.

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, that reminds me. You were also nominated for the best actor going down on a--

Stroker:
Enough.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
[on phone] What is it now, Hoop?

Hoop:
Have you turned on the tv lately?

Stroker:
No, why?

[Hoop bring the phone to the tv that shows a new porn commercial of themselves again]

Commercial Narrator:
From Judd Winner, the maker of "Gals Gone Wild", comes a little something for the ladies-- "Sack Flashers".

[shows a scene where Stroker and Hoop shows their butts in front of the camera]

Commercial Narrator:
It takes balls to do what have got them and more. They're Sack Flashers.

Stroker and Hoop:
[on TV] WE LOVE "SACK FLASHERS"!

Stroker:
OH, IT'S A SACK ATTACK. OW!

Commercial Narrator:
Order now and get "Sack Flashers 2: Sacks In the City", with bonus material-- "Beach Balls"!

Commercial Narrator:
Our first 100 callers get this free "Sack Flashers" tote sack. Operators are standing by. You'd be nuts to pass up on this offer. Call now or visit Sackflashers.com for exclusive downloads.

Stroker:
[sighs] Hoop, I got another call.

Hoop:
Eh, catch you later. I've got to go break all the TVs before Mom tries to watch "Monk".

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Stroker:
What's all this mail?

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, it's the copies of "Stroke-Her and Boob 2", just like you asked. Oh, one hiccup-- Uh, once they sell out, they make more, so we're into the third printing. But no problemo. I took out a home equity loan in your name to pay for it.

Stroker:
Wait a minute. What?

C.A.R.R.:
On the bright side, congratulations. You and Hoop have been nominated for some awards. Hoop was nominated for 10, including best newcomer.

Stroker:
How many did I get?

C.A.R.R.:
One-- Best Cleveland steamer.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Ms. Peach:
We missed you at the cookout. We had no cups. We had to share swigs from 2-litter bottles of Pepsi.

C.A.R.R.:
[holding the toy gun directly at Ms. Peach] Just say the word and I'll drop her, Stroke.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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