Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #41

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,957 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Double-Wide: Gentlemen, I give you the ultimate expression of southern pride! [Double-Wide reveals C.A.R.R.'s new design as a southern version] Hoop: WHAT! I am not gonna ride in that thing. Stroker: It's perfect. Hoop: It stands for everything I'm against. C.A.R.R.: Oh, shut up, fool. It's heritage. Hoop: The heritage of slave-owning. C.A.R.R.: Well, you can just walk to Mississippi, then. Double Wide: I've added a shotgun rack, a novelty horn... [horn plays "Dixie"] C.A.R.R.: Ha! Hell yeah! Double Wide: Tweety Bird pissing on the french flag. I've even added a tracking device in case C.A.R.R. gets stolen now that he's pimped out. Stroker: You're a genius, Double-Wide. Double-Wide: My finishing touch. A southern voice chip. C.A.R.R.: [southern voice] Yee-haw! Let's go get them yankee sons of btches! Double-Wide:* I'll just get your bill so you can settle up and you can get out of here. Stroker: Cool. Hey, you know what? Just drop it in the mail! [drives out of here with their new design of C.A.R.R.] Double-Wide: That bastard! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Tio the Terrible: You can't hide. I'll kill you. Stroker: He doesn't know who we are. He won't find us. Tio the Terrible: [reads the billboard on top] Stroker and Hoop, 800-555-0199. Stroker: Damn it! We still have those things? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after Stroker and Hoop not recognizing that the man who is calling someone on phone is Tio the Terrible when Stroker threw the phone from Tio's hand] Tio the Terrible: You're going to pay, assholes! Stroker: T-This is all a mistudnerstanding! Hoop: We're big fans of your drug cartel. Primo quality, man. Stroker: Ok, we're dropping our weapons. Drop your weapon, Hoop. [as Stroker and Hoop drop their weapons, their guns shoots Tio and Tio's girlfriend] Stroker: Crap. I can't shoot that well when I'm aiming. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: [on phone] Look, Benny, we're entitled to the other half of our payment. I need that $10,000. Benny: Ron Howard died in an accident. Now way in hell I'm paying you for something that would have happened anyway. Keith: Dad, moment of silence! Stroker: We had a deal, you son of a btch. Keith:* Dad! Stroker: CRAP! DAMN IT! Bratty Kid: It's a moment of silence. Stroker: Listen, kid. I knew Ron Howard personally. Ron Howard can kiss my ass, and so can you. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Cult Leader: You're finished, Stroker! Seize him! [suddenly one of the cult members starts to die] Cult Leader: Oh, no! The poisoned appendixes are taking effect! Brittany Ashley: The poisoned what? Cult Leader: You know, to take our souls to our new life on Venus. Brittany Ashley: What? I came to all the meetings, and I never heard you mention Ven-- UGH! [dies] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Hoop: Stroker, it's Hoop. Bad news. I have not been able to program the cult members in. Stroker: No [bleep]. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after Hoop taken the mind control device away from Ron Howard] Hoop: This is so incredible. C.A.R.R.: Who else is programmed in there? Hoop: Here's Jay Leno. C.A.R.R.: Yeah, yeah, do him. Do Jay Leno. Hoop: Holy cow! I'm seeing what Jay Leno sees. C.A.R.R.: Tell him to pick his nose. Hoop: Hey, Jay, this is Hoop, and I just want to say, keep up the great work. C.A.R.R.: Make him pick his nose! Hoop: And my friend wants you to pick your nose. Hoop: He's picking his nose. C.A.R.R.: Is he on tv? Hoop: No, it's too late. It's already -- [gasp] Oh, crap! It's 5:00 A.M. We forgot Stroker. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Cult Leader: [singing] You are what you eat. Cult Members: [chanting] Eat a person, be a person. Eat a person, be a person... Stroker: I eat hamburgers. Does that mean I'm a hamburger? Cult Leader: Yes! Stroker: So if you were to eat me, that means that you'll be a hamburger. Cult Members: ... Cult Leader: [to his members] Do not listen to the forked tongue of the nonbeliever! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: What the hell is going on? Hoop: Hi, Stroker. Situation is clear over here. Ron is going to cleanse his soul. Stroker: Great, because I'm at the Nation History Museum, and I'm about to get boiled alive by cannibals. Hoop: Oh, crap. How big's the kettle? Stroker: Um, well, I'd say it's a goof two-person kettle. Maybe two and a child. Hoop: Good. It should take hours for that much water to boil. That'll give me enough time to master this mind-control device and control the cannibals. Got to go. Stroker: Hoop, can you just call the cops instead? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Hoop: Ron, before you crush my skull, I want you to know something. I believe in you. You don't need a mind-control machine. You already have the power to touch America's heart. Ron Howard: No, it's not true. Hoop: Just look at that award in your hands. [Ron looks at his trophy and realizes his problems] Ron Howard: I'm a phony. I made them vote for me. Years ago, I found this mind-control device on an alien crash site while on location for "Happy Days". You know how most child actors end up. I was -- I was scared. Then the CIA got wind of it and wanted me to perform experiments for them. I thought I was helping my country, but it got out of control. I'm just a lucky hack. Hoop: No, you're not. People loved "When Harry met Sally". [Ron sobs while hugging Hoop] Jenny: Mr. Howard is need on set. Mr. Howard is needed on set. Hoop: Cleanse your soul, Ron. Confess. Your fans will still love you. If not, they weren't your fans to begin with. Ron Howard: Do you think so? Hoop: I know so. Ron Howard: [goes back to sobbing] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Brittany Ashley: Goodbye, Stroker. I'm looking forward to our last dinner date. Ashley Brittany: And here's your appendix back. [throws Stroker's appendix in the boiling pot] Stroker: I hope you chokes on my ass bone, btches. – Stroker and Hoop* Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Stroker wakes up in a hot boiling pot in a museum full of cult members] Cult Leader: The sacrifice awaits. I suppose you want to know what we're going to do to you. Stroker: Not really. Cult Leader: What? Why not? Stroker: Well, you're obviously the leader of weird-ass cult, and you're gonna eat me. Cult Leader: Wrong, smart guy! We are the Church of the Kind-Hearted Cannibals. Stroker: [sarcastic] Oh, right. My mistake. Cult Leader: Unlike our ancestors, we don't kill. We just eat the unessential organs. Cult Members: Praise the appendix, the coccyx, and delicious tonsils! Cult Waiter: Appendix? Coccyx? Napkin? Stroker: So, you're not gonna eat me? Cult Leader: Mmm, oh, no. We're making a exception for you because you're such a total ass! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Secretary Agent: Well, you'd better finish up. Ron Howard: Or else what? Secretary Agent: Or the CIA will stop putting the chemical in the water that makes people like your movies. Ron Howard: I'm sorry, the what? Secretary Agent: Heh heh heh! "Willow", "Backdraft", "Far and Away"? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Hoop disguise himself as a woman to get inside Ron Howard's Office] Hoop: [reads a script] "Well, burn my biscuits! I guess the only person I've been running from is myself, Mr. Jickey". – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after the twins caught Stroker with the syringes they shot into Stroker's butt] Brittany Ashley: I am so starving. Aren't there any more vestigial organs on him? Does he really need two testicles? Stroker: [dazed out] Definitely need both testicles. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[as Stroker was about to capture the twins] Stroker: Nice try, girls, but I'm not falling for that lipstick crap this time. Ron Howard: Hi, Stroker. Stroker: Crap, Ron Howard! Don't you have anything better to do, Ron? Ron Howard: I'll teach you to tangle with me. Stroker: Damn it, I'm not tangling with you, Ron, alright? I made one half-assed phone call. Brittney Ashley: [to Ashley] Who the hell is he talking to? Ron Howard: Drop your pants. Stroker: You know, this nudity fetish of yours is getting old, Ron. Ron Howard: Now moon the twins. Stroker: Come up with some new ones, please. C.A.R.R.: Aw, damn it. What the hell is he doing now? Ashley Brittany: The fat one is becoming a pest. [while the twins stick the syringes into Stroker to sleep] C.A.R.R.: Ok, girls. Let's not go through this again. Brittany Ashley: We'll sacrifice and eat him at the festival tonight. C.A.R.R.: Ho, ho! I'm sorry. Did you just say you're gonna eat Stroker? You know, he's very unclean. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Karen: I think it's so wonderful you wanted to have dinner to discuss Keith. Stroker: With all the deadbeat dads out there, it must be surprising to find a man that cares so deeply for his children. [Stroker looks directly to her breasts] Stroker: That's a beautiful pendant. Karen: Oh! It's a japanese symbol. Stroker: Ah. Japan. So what does it stand for, the pendant? Karen: Happiness. Stroker: Well, if I was your pendant, I'd be happy too. [as Stroker was about to kiss Karen] Karen: I'm sorry. Would you mind taking off the hat? Stroker: You mean my Ron Howard mind control cap? Ha ha ha! Karen: It was a funny joke, but it's...starting to creep me out. Stroker: Well, I wasn't actually totally ju-- [sees the same twins in the restaurant] Stroker: Karen, be calm. I just spotted two wanted criminals, and I'm taking them down. Don't look. Just act naturally. And if the waiter comes back, I want the Key Lime Pie. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Bratty Kid: Keith the Queef! With the crazy dad without any briefs! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Ron Howard controls Stroker's Mind] Ron Howard: Come on, Stroker. Be a man. Stand up for your kid. Stroker: Who said that? Man: Said what? Stroker: Come on, who said it? Stand up. Say it to my face. Ron Howard: It's me, Ron Howard. Stroker: Oh, crap. Ron Howard: Now, I want you to get out there and beat up that umpire. But first take off all your clothes. [Stroker then takes his clothes off while beating the umpire] Stroker: Son of a btch! Umpire:* What the hell? Keith: Dad! What are you doing? Security Guard: Get him away from the children. Stroker: I'm sorry, everyone, but i-it's not my fault, it -- It's Ron Howard's making me do this. You gotta believe me. Ron Howard: Come on, keep fighting. Keep fighting. Stroker: STOP IT, RON HOWARD! Ron Howard: I'll teach you to mess with me. Jenny: Here's your double espresso, Ron. Ron Howard: Thank you, Jenny. Now I want you to stick that kid's hot dog up your butt. [Stroker puts foil from the hot dog that he stolen from a boy] Ron Howard: Darn it! Foil! That tin foil won't last, you know. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: Hey, Keith, how about if you lead off today? Keith: I don't want to. Stroker: Hey, why not, buddy? Keith: I'll strike out, and the kids will call me names. Stroker: Oh, they're not gonna call you names. What kind of names would they call you? Keith: Spazzle, asswipe, wonder wuss, Keith the Queef. Stroker: That's because they're just jealous. It's because you've got a Dad who's a detective. Keith: No, they're not. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: Assistant Coach Stroker reporting for duty. You kids ready to go kick some ass? Alright! Yeah! Let me get some high fives right here! There we go! Come on! Baseball Coach: Stroker, we try and foster a safe, noncompetitive atmosphere. Stroker: Check it out, guys-- Brand new uniforms. [pull up a shirt for Keith] Keith: Cool! [Stroker then switch the shirt on the back that says "Lil Stroker"] Keith: ... Bratty Kid: This is bull [bleep]. We're the Sharks. Stroker: Shut up, kid. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: B-Benny! Hey, hey! What are you doing here? Benny: All the electronic interference helps protect me from Ron Howard. What are you guys doing here? Stroker: We're, uh -- We're celebrating. Ron Howard just agreed to stop screwing your mind. Benny: [surprised] No, he didn't. Hoop: [correcting Stroker] No, he didn't. Stroker: Sure he did. Benny: Well, that's so weird because he was just talking to me a few minutes ago. Stroker: Well, Benny, that's because, uh...uh, Benny, this is my partner, Hoop. Hoop: Nice hat there. Benny: It's my secret weapon against Ron. Always use the freezer-grade stuff and make sure you put the shiny side out. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Stroker and Hoop go to an electronic store] Stroker: Nothing is gonna stop us until we make those girls pay. Hoop: How does this make those girls pay? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[C.A.R.R. plays Solitare on his own screen] C.A.R.R.: Ha ha! 3 jacks. Beat that. CPU: Flush. C.A.R.R.: Hey, flush my ass! You cheat. The computer cheats. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago

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