Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #40

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,957 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Stroker shows up to see which one's the real Hoop] Hoop: Stroker, it's me! Shoot Moo-Moo! Moo-Moo: No, I'm Hoop. Stroker: Both of you, drop your weapons! Hoop: No way. Moo-Moo: If I do, he'll shoot me. Stroker: Damn it. They look exactly the same Reb #3: Well, not exactly the same. They, ahem, dress to different sides. Stroker: What? Reb #3: You know. Dress. [pointing to his pants] [Stroker then sees that Hoop and Moo-Moo are both wearing the same short pants] Hoop: [to Stroker] What are you looking at my penis for? Stroker: Eenie meenie minie Moo-Moo. [Stroker shoots one of Moo-Moo's legs] Moo-Moo: OW! Hoop: Good job, Stroker! For a second there, I thought-- [Stroker also shoots one of Hoop's legs as well] Stroker: Now I can figure out who's who at my leisure. Hoop: [in pain] YOU COULD HAVE JUST ASKED ME SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR LIVES THAT ONLY I WOULD KNOW! ARGH! Stroker: That might have worked. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after Hoop won the pageant show] Moo-Moo: Congratulations, Hoop. Now hand over the tiara. Hoop: [gives the tiara to his cousin] Looks like your plan almost worked. You just forgot one thing. Moo-Moo: What's that? Hoop: [pulls out his gun to his cousin] Always check the fanny pack. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[the yankees sees Stroker who looked like an Reb] Yankee #1: Hey, where the hell does he think he's going? The western assault's not till 12:00, huh? [to Yankee #2] Hey, let's give him a scare. Hey, dirty reb! [Yankee #2 scares Stroker with a rifle] Stroker: Holy crap! [pulls out his gun and shoots Yankee #1's drink] Yankee #1: Whoa! He's shooting real bullets there. Get the live ammo! [Stroker escaped and suddenly went to the reb's side] Reb #1: It's the Yanks! Reb #2: What the hell happened, soldier? Why ain't they using blanks? Stroker: Oh, um, because they're yankee scum. Reb #1: Get your live ammo, boys. Yee-haw! Stroker: Which way is town? I've got to save a friend. Reb #2: Over the hill, straight through the Vidalutha Outlet Center. Reb #1: But it's swarming with yanks on account of the sale at Niketown. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Jeff: This authentic hardtack sucks. Yankee: They wouldn't have said "sucks" in civil war times, Jeff. Jeff: We're not re-enacting yet. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Double-Wide: Ah, I don't get it. It's saying they should be right here. Somebody must have pulled the tracking device off and thrown it in the swamp. I guess Stroker and Hoop are smarter than I thought. Well, gentlemen, I guess this is the end of the line for us. [Rico pulls up his gun at Double Wide] Tio the Terrible: You mean for you. Heh heh heh! Double-Wide: [worried] You're not gonna cut my balls off, aren't you? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Moo-Moo sprays water on Hoop with a hose] Hoop: Moo, you got to believe me! I didn't do it! Moo-Moo: I know you didn't, Hoop. [pulls up his gun] I did it...dressed as you. Hoop: Moo-Moo! So Stroker was right about the corrupt sheriff! Moo-Moo: Of course he was. Hoop: You clichedly evil bastard. Why? Moo-Moo: As a child, I dreamed of someday being crowned Miss Southern Delicacy. But despite my beauty and poise, I knew I'd never win for one simple reason. Hoop: You're a man? Moo-Moo: Because I couldn't win the talent portion. But with your disguise and your sweet singing voice, this could be my year. Hoop: How? Moo-Moo: If you were disguised as me disguised as a woman, you could help me win the talent portion. Hoop: Listen, Moo, I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I wouldn't stand a snowball's chance against Miss Boiled Peanuts. Moo-Moo: She's dead. Hoop: There's still the matter of Miss Buttermilk Fried Chicken. Moo-Moo: [shakes his head meaning "No"] Hoop: Miss Chicken and Dumplings. Moo-Moo: [shakes his head meaning "No"] Hoop: Miss Banana Pudding. Moo-Moo: [shakes his head meaning "No"] Hoop: Damn, you're fast. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Stroker and C.A.R.R. gets into a dead end in the swamp] Stroker: Damn it! We're gonna have to jump the swamp. C.A.R.R.: There's no way we'll make it. Stroker: There's only one way to find out. [as Stroker and C.A.R.R. tries to jump from the swamp, the scene pauses] Southern Narrator: Well, it looks like the boys have gotten themselves in quite a mess this time. I wonder how they'll ever get out of this fix. [as the scene plays, spoiler alert, they didn't make it] Stroker: Oh, crap. C.A.R.R.: You son of a btch! Stroker:* Sorry, C.A.R.R. [Stroker tries to unlock the car door, but won't open] C.A.R.R.: Automatic windows are shorted. I guess we're in this together. [Stroker then uses his gun to smash C.A.R.R.'s window to get himself freed] C.A.R.R.: OW! HEY! Stroker: I'll be back, C.A.R.R. C.A.R.R.: A captain never leaves his ship. [gurgling] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Moo-Moo: Stroker, Hoop. Stroker: Sheriff. Hoop: Moo. Moo-Moo: Y'all wouldn't mind if we took a quick peek in the trunk, would you? Stroker: No, you don't want to look in there. C.A.R.R.: [opens up his trunk] Oh, go right ahead, officer. Stroker: Damn it, C.A.R.R. Moo-Moo: Just as I feared. [Moo-Moo takes off a piece of one of Miss Hoecakes toes and ate it] Moo-Moo: Yup. Miss Hoecakes. C.A.R.R.: What? There's a body in my trunk? You bastards! Hoop: It's not how it looks. Moo-Moo: The timing of the killing, the fancy california ingredients like jalapeno and avocado. How could you, Stroker and Hoop? Hoop: Well, I guess there's nothing to do but turn ourselves in and trust in the american justice system. [gets out of the car and gives up] Stroker: Screw that. [drives out of here with the body] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Double-Wide tries to call Stroker while in the bathroom] Stroker: Not now, Double Wide. [hangs up] Double-Wide: Damn it. [Tio and Rico shows up] Tio the Terrible: What are you doing on the phone? Double-Wide: What? I'm not on the phone. It's a toilet. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after Miss Hoecakes was murdered in a tanning bed, Stroker and Hoop silently puts the body in C.A.R.R.'s trunk] C.A.R.R.: Hey, howdy, fellas. Whatch y'all got there? Stroker: Uh, just a rug. Hoop: Yeah, I spilled some grape juice on it. We're gonna get it cleaned up so the hotel won't charge us. [as they put the body in C.A.R.R.'s trunk, C.A.R.R. starts to smell something funny while they're driving off] C.A.R.R.: Man, it stinks in here. Is that dog crap on that rug? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Stroker interrogates all the hillbillies who murdered the pageant women] Stroker: Sure is hot in here, ain't it, boy? Hillbilly #1: Not so hot, really, with the air conditioning and all. Stroker: Eh, you're gonna play it that way, huh? About this time of night, I like to kick back and cool off with a cold one. How about you? Hillbilly #1: I'm not really a drinker, sir. Stroker: Of course you are, and there's a tall boy with your name on it once you start cooperating. [many beers later] Stroker: [drunk] I mean, what the hell do you do for fun in this town? You kill people? Fry 'em up in Hushpuppy batter, you stew 'em up in the bathtub with a hunk of cornbread in the toilet, ain't that right? [many more beers later] Stroker: [drunk while singing] Look away, look away, look away...to Dixieland. [burps] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: [on phone] Yo. Moo-Moo: Oh, Stroker. Stroker: Moo-Moo? I-I can't hear you. Moo-Moo: [spits a crumb of oreo] Sorry about that. Miss Moonpie's dead. What's your theory on it? I gotta arrest somebody tonight or I'm gonna get fired for sure. Stroker: I've seen enough movies to know the way it works down here. Your killer is either the corrupt sheriff, the corrupt mayor, or a crazy hillbilly. Moo-Moo: I'll have a deputy round up all the hillbillies he can get his hands on. Maybe you boys could question them while I track down a lead at that marshmallow plant. Moo-Moo: Oh, and Stroker, if you wouldn't mind leaving Miss Hoecakes at the motel. I don't want here to be exposed to any would-be killers. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Hoop: Good night, Stroker. Good night, Miss Hoecakes. Miss Hoecakes: Good night, Hoop. Stroker: Night, Hoop. Good night, Hoecakes. Miss Hoecakes: It's Miss Hoecakes. Stroker: You know, I've never had hoecakes. Miss Hoecakes: And you know what? You never will. Hoop: HA HA HA! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Double-Wide: So, you guys ever driven across country before? Tio the Terrible: Why the hell would we do that? Double-Wide: Oh, I don't know. Maybe a little thing called Purple Mountain's Majesty. [chuckles] How do you know Stroker? Tio the Terrible: We're old friends. Double-Wide: Oh, yeah? Me, too. He used to sell mattresses with my brother. Tio the Terrible: Uh, that right? Double-Wide: Yeah. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I show up asking for my money. Tio the Terrible: I can't wait to see the look on his face when I splatter his brains all over the sidewalk. Double-Wide: Ha ha! [stops laughing] What? Stroker's brains? Tio the Terrible: [speaks spanish] Then we'll kill you. [laughs evilly] Rico: [speaking spanish] After we cut off your balls and feed them to you. Double-Wide: [speaking spanish] I sure wish I didn't know Spanish. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after Miss Hoecakes won the pageant] Miss Hoecakes: Well, I never in a million years thought I'd be Miss Brunswick Stew. Hoop: I don't remember any Miss Brunswick Stew. Moo-Moo: Oh, lord. [cuts to the next scene where Miss Brunswick Stew was killed in a bathtub full of stew] Mayor: Well, maybe she just accidentally cubed herself and fell into this tubful of hot bod of vegetables. Moo-Moo: [tastes the stew with a ladle] Still hot. Stroker: Oh, this is disgusting. Hoop: Uh, Moo-Moo, I don't think-- Moo-Moo: [slurps another taste] Avocado? In Brunswick Stew? Well, that ain't southern. It's delicious, but it sure ain't southern. [also bites a dirty cornbread] Stroker: [throws up] Mayor: I love cornbread. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[in the Miss Southern Delicacies Pageant, Miss Collard Greens does fire stick tricks] Stroker: Very nice, very nice. Um, well, so much for talent competition. Let's see how you look in the bikini. Stroker: [quietly to Moo-Moo] Miss Collard Greens twirls a fine baton, but she's got junk in her trunk. Moo-Moo: What does this have to do with the case? Stroker: I'm trying to determine a pecking order so we can see who's next in line to be murdered. Moo-Moo: Good thinking. Stroker: [to the pageants] I've just conferred with the judges, and uh, looks like we have ourselves a winner. Miss Hoecakes. Give it up for Miss Hoecakes. Since you're the prettiest and you're life's is in most danger, I'd like you to come with us to safehouse. Stroker: [to the pageants] As for the rest of you, you should be on the look out tonight. There might be a serial killer who wants to brutally murder you in the matter of the food you're named after. Hoop: And good luck in the big competition this weekend. Stroker: Oh, hey, uh, forgot to say good luck. Hoop: And may the tastiest delicacy win. Miss Squash Casserole: [cries] C-C-Can I go to the safehouse, too? Stroker: Don't worry. You'll be fine. Miss Squash Casserole: Really? Stroker: Sure. I mean, there's got to be at least 10 prettier girls who'd have to be murdered first. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Moo-Moo: [singing] Old times there are not forgotten. Moo-Moo and Hoop: [singing] Look away, look away, look away, Dixieland. Hoop: [singing] In Dixieland where I was born early on one frosty morn -- Moo-Moo and Hoop: [singing] Look away, look away, look away, Dixieland. Oh, I wish I was in Dixie, hooray, hooray. Stroker: WOULD YOU STOP ALREADY? PLEASE? YOU'RE IN DIXIE, OK? NOW JUST STOP IT. Moo-Moo: You sure got a sweet singing voice, Hoop. Stroker: That gives me an idea. C.A.R.R.: [singing] Mama's little baby, loves shortening, shortening-- Stroker: C.A.R.R.! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Tio the Terrible: Where are Stroker and Hoop? Double-Wide: Who? Turner and Hooch? Tio the Terrible: We know they called you right after they shot me. Double-Wide: You guys got the wrong place. Tio the Terrible: Pull down his pants, Rico. [as Double-Wide was about to pull down his pants, Tio confess him with a hammer drill] Double-Wide: Oh, screw this. Stroker and Hoop are headed down south somewhere. C.A.R.R.'s been repainted with the stars and bars and has a gunrack on the back. Tio the Terrible: You've been a big help. Double-Wide: They owe you money. Tio the Terrible: Something like that. Double-Wide: Me, too. Say, we could road trip it together. We could even split gas money. Tio the Terrible: Thanks anyway. Double-Wide: I got this tracking device that'll take us right to them. Tio the Terrible: [stops after what D. Wide said] Double-Wide: SHOTGUN! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: Don't worry, Mayor. We'll find the murderer. Mayor: MURDER? [scoffs] Let's not jump to any conclusions, now. I-I'm not a fancy california detective, but I have a theory. Miss Hushpuppy was a family girl. Maybe she had a family reunion coming up and she was doing some home cooking. Flour gets in her eyes and she accidentally trips and falls into a trough of batter. She stands up, slips on the wet floor and lands directly in the giant human-size fryer that she has rented for the occasion. Hoop: It still doesn't explain the side of coleslaw we found next to her. Mayor: Eh...you boys hammer out the details. All I know is it better get handled or I find a sheriff who will. Do we understand each other, Moo-Moo? Moo-Moo: Yes, sir. Mayor: Good day, gentlemen. [leaves the diner] Hoop: Wait, Mayor! What about your pancakes? Mayor: Oh, right. Ha. Mayor: Kind of messes up my dramatic exit. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Mayor: Gentlemen, as Mayor of this town, I'll be damned if I'm gonna cancel our second annual southern delicacies pageant and civil war reenactment. Stroker: This is only the second? Mayor: Yeah, we've had bad luck with festivals, Mr. Stoker. Stroker: "Stroker". Mayor: Originally there was the Vidalutha Slave Hobbling Contest and Sack Race, then the separate but equal two festivals of segregation, then the Vidalutha Tobacco Leaf Parade and Smoke-Off. Now, if this festival gets cancelled, too, well, it'll break out little town's heart. Moo-Moo: Well, don't worry, Mayor. I got some outside professionals on the case. Hoop: Oh, thank god, because I know we're in no position to-- [realizes] Oh...you mean us. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Terry: Hey, everyone, welcome to Plantations, where we slave to satisfy you. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stroker: So what do we have here? Cat stuck up a tree? Neighbor kid swinging on Aunt Bee's porch swing again? [sees a dead fried pageant] OH, MY GOD! Moo-Moo: This here is Miss Hushpuppy. Deputy: One of the prettiest girls in the county...till somebody fried her up like a chicken. Moo-Moo: Damn shame. She was a shoe-in to win our Miss Southern Delicacies Pageant this weekend. Took 6 rolls of paper towels just to soak up all the grease. [Moo-Moo takes a piece of finger off of Miss Hushpuppy's hand] Hoop: Oh, god. Stroker: What the hell? [Moo-Moo then takes a bite of it] Stroker: Oh, you got to be [bleep] me. Moo-Moo: Well, now, hell. That ain't fried chicken batter. Well, that's Hushpuppy batter. It was a thematic death, which means he'll strike again. [takes a bite of the finger again] I'll be. A hint of jalapeno. Well, I am so sorry. Where are my manners. [starts to take another finger piece of Miss Hushpuppy's hand for Stroker] Moo-Moo: Do you agree? Stroker: You gotta be [bleep] kidding me? I'm not putting that in my mouth. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Hoop: Moo-Moo! Moo-Moo: Hoop! How the hell are you? Hoop: Damn, I've missed you. Moo-Moo: What the hell's with your teeth? Hoop: They're fake, see? Yeah, I just wanted to blend in. Moo-Moo: You think we don't have dentist in the south? [Moo-Moo checks the dixie bell book that shows the phone call for dentists] Moo-Moo: Look, Hoop -- Dentist. There's a whole section. Hoop: Sorry. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Hoop: Oh, look, guys. I think we're in the south. Stroker: How can you tell? Hoop: There's a Hardee's instead of a Carl's Junior and instead of a Ralph's, it's a Kroger's. Stroker: Man, it's like whole 'nother country down here, isn't it? – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 3 months ago

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