Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #40

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,347 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[DJ Jesus gets a word with Lucy when DJ Jesus bought the Dreamster Machine for his fans to listen with] Lucy: You encourage them. DJ Jesus: Lucy, I'm a DJ, and having a girl sexy-dance right next to me is part of the job. It's like if I was a construction worker and you said to me, "I don't like how there's always cement hanging around you". Or if I was a baker, and you'd be like, "What's with all the yeast"? Lucy: I get it. I get it. DJ Jesus: Okay. Lucy: How about this? If you want to be with me, you can't be a ridiculous man-slut. How about that? DJ Jesus: Yeah, that's fine. I'm starting to get a little claustrophobic. So... Lucy: What?! Claustrophobic? I give you your space. All I ask is this one thing. DJ Jesus: No, no, no. Not in the relationship. I mean literally in this closet. It's tiny space for two people. So can we, uh... Lucy: How can you be claustrophobic? You're an escape artist. DJ Jesus: All escape artists are claustrophobic. That's why we want to escape. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Special Father #1 bought a Dreamster Machine for him to sleep tonight] Special Father #1: It's a white-noise machine. It makes noise to help you sleep. Special Sister: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Special Father #1: Sister, listen to this. [SF1 plays the Dreamster] Special Father #1: That is, um, "Summer Night". Huh? Special Sister: Sounds evil. Special Father #1: It's not evil. It's "Summer Night". Special Sister: I am really scared. This is not relaxing. Special Father #1: It's not -- Sister, it's not scary. Special Sister: It's terrifying! Listen to what it's saying! Special Father #1: It's not saying anything. Special Sister: YES, IT IS! Special Father #1: Shh! Shh! Listen. Special Father #1: Okay, so it sounds like it is saying something. Special Sister: SEE? Special Father #1: It's saying, "You..." It's saying, "Hi". Special Sister: No, it's saying "You'll die". Special Father #1: Okay, you know what? Go away. I'm going to bed -- With my machine. Special Sister: YOU'RE GONNA REGRET IT! Special Father #1: THAT WILL HELP ME SLEEP! Special Sister: IT WON'T! Special Father #1: YES, IT WILL! IT'S ALSO NOT HELPING THAT YOU GOT ME KEYED UP! Special Sister: I'M SORRY! Special Father #1: GOOD NIGHT! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after DJ Jesus and Judas watches the Dreamster commercial] DJ Jesus: Oh, man, it would be sweet to DJ with that thing. I could put mountain streams and raindrops into my slow-jam mixes. Hey, Judas, you want to order up one of those? Judas: Already on the phone, dude! Check it out, man -- Rain! DJ Jesus: Yeah, sweet rain. Makes me want to curl up in a little ball. Judas: Makes me want to open up my mouth and catch raindrops on my tongue, dude. DJ Jesus: That's beautiful, man. Judas: [bleep] YEAH, IT IS! WHOO! DJ Jesus: [laughing] Judas. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Satan: Sick of tossing and turning? Tired of being tired? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): [german accent] Hello. I'm Dr. Franz Weiner. And I designed the Dreamster Sound Effects Machine to help you fall asleep naturally and deeply. Here's how it works. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Our patented sound effects have been scientifically enhanced to activate the sleep center deep inside your brain. Sleepy Woman (as Becky): I tried everything -- Pills, pillows, therapy -- And nothing worked. But the Dreamster Sound Machine put me to sleep the very first time I tried it. Satan: Call now to take advantage of this special offer. Side effects may include drowsiness, nightmares, and psychotic episodes. If you die in your dreams, you die in real life. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after the Special Fathers saved Special Sister from the vampire altar boys] Special Father #1: You'll be alright now, Sister. You'll be alright. Special Sister: [woozy] Jesus was sticking into my kidneys. Special Father #2: You said it, Sister. Archie: I can't thank you all enough. The church owes you the greatest debt. Special Father #1: Archie, you've been bitten. Archie: What? [Special Sister then kills Archie] Special Father #1: SISTER! Special Sister: Oops, I forgot. [Sister pulls the stake out of Archie, making it worse] Special Father #1: No, don't pull it out. Special Sister: Uh, sorry. Guess I made a mistake. Archie: A "missed stake". Special Father #1: [laughs] [everyone laughs] Archie: It's like the end of a Scooby-Doo episode. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[while the vampires are drinking Special Sister's blood, Archie crashed into the church with a big van, making the vampires retreat themselves, which then lead them to a trap, where Special Fathers and Nightshade use light panels to shock the vampire boys to death] Nightshade: High-output, full-spectrum, baby! Ha ha! 4,200 lumens! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[when Special Sister, got caught, she then gets tied up on a cross to drink her blood from the Vampire Altar/Choir Boys] Vampire Choirboy: Lady Priest, with hate in your love and mercy, I drink your blood. Let it bring health in mind and body. Special Sister: [bleep] YOU! Vampire Choirboy: May the blood of this fat lady bring me to everlasting life. Special Sister: SUCK IT, FREAK! I'LL NEVER BE ONE OF YOU! Vampire Choirboy: No, Sister, you will never be one of us. We're gonna bleed you out, and you will die. Special Sister: YOU CAN'T TURN ME. YOUR DARK,, EROTIC POWER HAD NO EFFECT ON ME. Vampire Choirboy: Okay, that's no problem. Special Sister: Why the church? Why priests? Why meeeee? Vampire Choirboy: Taste -- Priests taste good. Special Sister: AAAAAAH! I MAY TASTE GOOD TO YOU, BUT YOUR STRANGE IMMORTAL BLOOD DOESN'T TASTE GOOD TO ME. You can't make me drink your androgynous yet powerful juices. Vampire Choirboy: We're not trying to. Special Sister: Well, good, 'cause I don't want it. Vampire Choirboy: Then we agree. Special Sister: YES! Finally. We agree to agree. Vampire Choirboy: We'll just agree to agree, then. Special Sister: Yes. Vampire Choirboy: You bleed and die... Special Sister: No! Vampire Choirboy: ...we drink your blood. Special Sister: No! Vampire Choirboy: Less talking, more dying. Special Sister: No, more talking, less dying. Vampire Choirboy: [tired] Just shut up and die. Special Sister: No! Let's keep talking. Vampire Choirboy: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BLEED! Special Sister: Have you seen any movies lately? Vampire Choirboy: What? Special Sister: Have you gone to see any movies? Vampire Choirboy: NO! Special Sister: What's your favorite tv show? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after the Special Father and Sister hunt many vampires from many churches, they celebrated] Special Sister: My feet are killing me. Special Father #1: [exhales a balloon making his voice higher] Yeah, tough week. Satisfying, though. Special Father #2: [does the same that SF1 did] Like old times. Special Sister: Enough with the helium. [leaves] Special Father #1: Sister, where are you going? Special Sister: I'm going to pee. Special Father #1: Take some balloons. Special Sister: I don't want any balloons. I'm sick of balloons. Uh-oh. [suddenly one of the vampire altar boys caught her] Special Father #1: Sister! They took her! Special Father #2: Oh, head rush. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after the Special Fathers and Sister destroyed all the vampires using balloons in a different church] Special Father #1: They sent you here after Father Murphy disappeared. Priest: Yes. Special Father #1: And Father Murphy, how long did he serve here? Priest: Just a week, I think. Special Father #1: Hmm. They just kept sending priests. Special Sister: Like staying in and ordering takeout. Special Father #1: [to the priest] Hey, turn your head. Have you been bitten? [Special Sister kills the Priest] Special Father #1: Oh, whoops, got a little trigger-happy there, Sister. You don't turn if you've been bitten. That's in the movies. Special Sister: Ohh. I-I've [bleep] up. Special Father #1: Yes, you did [bleep] up. Special Sister: Whatever. Sorry! Special Father #1: To become a vampire, you have to drink their blood. Special Sister: I'M SORRY! Special Father #1: Alright, clean up this mess, please. Special Sister: Fine. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Nightshade: I did discover something interesting by accident. [Nightshade blows a balloon making the vampire altar boy scared] Nightshade: You see? Terrified. Absolutely pant [bleep]ingly terrified of balloons. Special Father #2: Whoa. That is so awful. Special Father #1: Yes, you're being cruel. Nightshade: Cruel? Louie killed 35 people at a midnight mass last Christmas. Special Father #1: Last Christmas? How long has this been going on? Archie: Well, we thought it was isolated -- One church, maybe two. Special Father #1: My god. You covered it up. Archie: We covered it up. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Nightshade shows the Special Fathers and Sister that he caught a vampire altar boy himself inside a cage in his basement] Special Father #1: I see, a captive subject to study in detail and test new methods on. Nightshade: Uh...well, that's a good idea, too. Um, I was just thinking more of just like a pet. My friend has a python and he was like, "I have a python". And I was like "Oh yeah? You should come over to my place sometime". And then he came over, and I was like, um, "Vampire"! So... Special Father #1: Wow, you are a real nerd. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Nightshade: First of all, as I'm sure the Special Fathers will tell you, hunting vampires, well, forget everything you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk. Special Sister: Sunlight? Nightshade: Oh, no. Actually, okay. Sunlight is real. Sunlight can kill a vampire. But -- Special Sister: Stake in the heart? Nightshade: Ho-- Yeah, hold on. Let me give you my spiel, okay? Special Sister: Sorry. Nightshade: Forget what you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk. Special Father #1: You know, uh, Nightshade, I've heard that line in the movies. Special Father #2: Oh, I have a too. Nightshade: CAN I CONTINUE? Special Father #1: Sorry, go ahead. Nightshade: So, crosses -- They work, right? No, they don't. If crosses worked, would we have Vampire Altar Boys. Special Sister: Oh, right. The Altar Boy carries the cross. Nightshade: Garlic -- Just a mild food allergy. If you wanna give the vampire the runs, cook them ziti with some garlic sauce. Special Sister: Good to know. GET READY TO [bleep] VAMPIRES! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Archie: This is Nightshade. He knows how to sharpen a stake, shall we say. Nightshade, I'm sure you know who these two men are. Nightshade: I'm familiar with your work. Welcome to San Francisco, or as I call it, "San Fran". Archie: And this is a Special Sister. A little less experienced with vampires than her colleagues, perhaps, but she -- Nightshade: The most deadly assassin nun the catholic church has ever produced. You need no introduction. Special Sister: Thanks, kid. But why don't you take your lips off my ass and just tell me who to kill. [points the crossbow at Nightshade] – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[when the Special Fathers and Sister, plus Archie arrives at an arms-dealer store] Special Sister: Can I bring this cognac? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Archie: Vampire Altar Boys are preying on priests throughout the city -- Vampire choirboys, too. Special Father #1: All due respect, uh, Archie, but we got out of the vampire game a long time ago. We are searching now for the -- Archie: I-I'm aware of your mission, Father, but this problem is especially acute for us. We believe this is the first wave of an all-out vampire assault against the church. Special Father #1: Archie, uh, the Jesuits have a great training program. I know three or four good vampire guys have come out -- Archie: Dead. Special Father #1: What? Archie: Dead. They're all dead. You're our last hope. Special Sister: Sorry to interrupt. I don't know if you know much about the antichrist, but her presence on earth means the END OF DAYS! Vampire Choirboys will be the least of your problems if we don't complete our mission. Special Father #2: Hey, I got a idea. Maybe we kill the antichrist, and then we check in with you about the vampires before we go back to Rome. Archie: YOU WILL HELP US WITH THIS PROBLEM RIGHT NOW! [clears throat] Or perhaps you'd like to face criminal charges in this country for some of your less orthodox antichrist hunting methods. [Archie shows pictures of the Special Fathers and Sister killing the good citizens throughout every episode they have gone through] Special Sister: WHAT THE [bleep]! The Pope himself sent us. Special Father #1: Sister! Sister! Special Sister: Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Special Father #1: Stop. Special Sister: No. Special Father #1: Yes. Special Sister: [growls] Special Father #1: Thank you. Watch TV. [Special Sister watches TV] Special Father #1: We understand, Archie. Perhaps we can help. After all, the concerns of the church are our concerns as well. Special Father #1: Oh! Oh, my god! I totally forgot. Uh, we left our vampire stuff back at Rome. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Archbishop Gomez: We've got a problem, a big problem, and we need your help. Special Father #1: What is it, Archbishop Gomez? Archie: That's alright, you can call me Archie. Everyone does. Special Father #1: Okay, Archie. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Lucy: [to the meat version of Lucy] What are you looking at, fatty? Fatty fat face. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[while The Senator gives out his speech for a school campaign] Senator Whitehead: Thank you for coming out today. I just wanted to call attention to this new school, this flower that bloomed here between the cracks of the pavement. [suddenly a person arrives that came out of the bus] Dom: Senator, my name's Dom. I'm a registered sex offender, and I'm here to support you. Senator Whitehead: Oh. Okay. Thank you. Dom. Dom: We're all here to personally thank you for providing housing for us in the new condominiums. [suddenly a cloth banner reveals the sign that said "Welcome Sex Offenders"] Newsreporter: Senator, do you think this is a good idea? Senator Whitehead: ... Sex Offender: Three cheers for Senator Whitehead. Hip-hip hooray! Hip-hop hooray! Hip-hip hooray! Senator Whitehead: [to someone] Get that banner down and shut those [bleep] up. [while the sex offenders keep cheering "Hip-Hip Hooray"] Senator Whitehead: STOP THAT! STOP IT! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[while Tad keeps making sex of the Meat Lucy, he suddenly gets a phone call] Tad: [on phone] Hello? Satan: Hey, Tad. It's Satan. Tad: Hey. [to Lucy] It's your Dad. Lucy: DAD! Satan: What are you doing, man. Lucy: DAD! Tad: Nothing, just working. Lucy: IT'S LUCY! Satan: World's best busboy. Lucy: DAD! Satan: How's the -- How's biz? Tad: It's alright. Satan: Good, good. Lucy: DAD! Satan: You enjoying yourself over there? Tad: Yeah, yeah. It's fine. Satan: I told you it was gonna be -- Lucy: I'M TIED UP WITH MEAT! Tad: Yeah, it's alright. Satan: It's a fun place to work. That's the point. You could be doing anything as long as it's a fun place to work. Lucy: [cries] DAD! Tad: Yeah, yeah. Satan: Anyway, got a little surprise for you. Tad: Oh, what's that? Satan: Why don't you go put on Channel 5 on the TV in the bar? Lucy: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Tad: Okay. Lucy: DO YOU NOT HEAR ME? Satan: And enjoy. Tad: Thanks. Satan: Alright, I'll see you later. Lucy: DON'T HANG UP! Tad: [hangs up] Lucy: Where are you going? Tad: Your Dad wants me to watch something on TV. Lucy: Ugh. Typical. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[the next day while Lucy is still tied up inside the freeze barrier] Lucy: Oh, my god. What time is it? Tad: It's 10:00. We just opened. Lucy: What are you doing? Tad: I'm working. I'm on the breakfast shift. Lucy: Yeah, me too. Tad: Yeah, you know, you must be a terrible bartender 'cause no one even knows that you're not there. Lucy: Tad, you can't keep in here. Tad: I need to THINK! I just... [addictively looks at the meat version of Lucy] Lucy: Oh, here we go. Tad: ...need to think. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Senator Whitehead: Hey, master, uh, what are you doing here? T-This is my new schools thing. It's not really a you thing, uh, and the press is here. Satan: You know, I saw your son's rap sheet online. So funny! Senator Whitehead: [chuckles] Please, can I call you on monday? Satan: Man, that thing he did in the grocery store? I mean, wow. [to a civilian] How you doing? Hi. Senator Whitehead: Hi. Satan: Tad's alright, though, you know? It's -- It's because of your son, Senator, that I started my sex-offender art project. Senator Whitehead: What? Satan: His son is a sex offender. Senator Whitehead: [fake laughing while every person is looking at him] Satan: Uh, we're moving sex-offenders around the city to make, uh, like, a fun design. Senator Whitehead: Oh, great! Satan: Why are you pulling at me? Senator Whitehead: Just -- Can we, uh -- Why don't we talk over here -- Satan: No, no, no, no. Can't right now. The band's letting me sit in. Senator Whitehead: What? Satan: I'll play something for you. Senator Whitehead: What? Satan: Don't let them take my drink! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Lucy: You know who my Dad is, right? Tad: Yes. Lucy: Well, when he finds out what kind of a freak you are, he is gonna kill you. [cuts to the next scene where Satan is at a dinner party] Satan: [to Whitehead] Your son is a total freak. I love him. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Tad getting ready to point the knife at Lucy] Lucy: Oh, my god. Tad, what are you doing? Tad: I'm going to...work on my meat. Lucy: Um, what are you doing that for? Tad: You're a little heavier than I thought. Lucy: It's the way I'm sitting. Tad: I'll tell you, there's nothing like working from a live model. Lucy: You know, it's not easy to sit up straight. Tad: Yeah, but could ya? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[meanwhile Lucy gets tied up from The Senator's Son in the freeze barrier] Lucy: So, I guess you probably don't want me to [shouting] YELL AS LOUD AS I CAN! Tad: This thing is soundproof pretty much. Lucy: I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE! THE CRAZY BUSBOY'S GOT ME IN THE WALK-IN! Lucy: It doesn't matter anyway because my boyfriend about 12 other guys are waiting for me to come back to the bar. So I'm sure they're gonna come in here any minute. [cuts to the next scene] Judas: Isn't there, like a Chevys down the street? They've got chicken breasts there. DJ Jesus: Oh, yeah! Judas: Let's shoot there, huh? DJ Jesus: Yeah, cool. Great idea. Judas: Let's bounce! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 2 months ago

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