Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #36

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,716 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Max sees Uncle Gabby's resume] Max: I can see from your resume you can kill, kidnap and are proficient in the languages of semaphore and being beaten. Great. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Uncle Gabby finds a job] Interviewer: Skills? Uncle Gabby: Eh, let's see. Eating, drinking, messing with girls... Interviewer: I'm showing no matches. Uncle Gabby: How about killing? Interviewer: I have one listing. Uncle Gabby: Great. Call me if something comes up for messing with girls. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Phoebe: Drinky, now that you know more about parenthood, don't you see what a magical sacrifice it is? Drinky Crow: I can't wait. [drinks while shooting himself with two guns in his head] – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Woman: I used to be a cellist but I cut off my hands so I could have two more breasts to feed my quadruplets! – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Duck-Beaver Woman: [to Drinky Crow] You'll love having kids. They really re-focus your attention. I used to be a professor literature and now all do is shop for special helmets to re-shape my son's head. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Emu Yoga Woman: Okay, let's take a break to stretch our cloacas. Remember ladies, it's an anus and a vagina! Walrus Woman: [offended] I know! – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Uncle Gabby wakes up, after getting drunk from disguise lady who put pills in UG's drink] Uncle Gabby: My date! And my wallet! They both mysteriously vanished. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Phoebe: Oh, Drinky Crow! I followed every one of your campaign! Drinky Crow: The thought of you was all that kept me going through some of the boringest parts of the war. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Drinky Crow: Way to go Captain's Daughter. Uncle Gabby: We save the ship from French and vampires and you betray us. Captain's Daughter: Yeah? Well when you were staking Uncle Gabby in the rectum, you both looked really queer! [angrily leaves] Uncle Gabby: [snickering] Hey, that was kinda funny. Drinky Crow: Yeah. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after Drinky Crow was about to stake Mort Cooper the Vampire, Captain's Daughter trips Drinky from stabbing him] Captain's Daughter: Mort! I saved you! Now give me your good material! Mort Cooper: I gave you my good material! The eternal suffering stuff just killed up there. I mean, it would have if the audience weren't dead already. Captain's Daughter: But what should I do? Mort Cooper: A silent act. Preferably behind a curtain. Captain's Daughter: You're just saying that because I'm a girl! Mort Cooper: Where to begin! You're a girl, you're alive, you're a gentile. You just don't have much going for you. [Captain's Daughter then deicides to kill Mort Cooper] Mort Cooper: See you in hell! I mean it. I'll be opening for Jerry Lewis. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Mort Cooper: I'm thirsty up here, could someone bring me a bloody mary? Or a bloody susan, or a bloody rachel...but seriously, ever notice how you crave nothing more than to be innocent again? Then the sight of innocence makes you want to destroy it, because it could never be yours. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Drinky Crow get inside of Gabby's anal and sees Mort Cooper's vampire party] Drinky Crow: He's built a hellish anal catskills! – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Captain's Daughter: Mort! The material you gave me totally bombed! Plus I think a lot of it was ripped off! Drinky Crow: Captain's Daughter? You know this vampiric comedian? Captain's Daughter: I wanted him to teach me how to be funny, but I didn't want you to think I couldn't come up with my own material, so I hid his coffin in Gabby's rectum! Drinky Crow: Of course! That's why I suspected Deboursay! The rats were coming from Gabby's anus inside Gabby inside Deboursay's uterus! Mort Cooper: It's like a turducken. It's just not as gross. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Captain Maak: Good lord! Deboursay isn't just building a nuclear atomic battleship. She is a nuclear atomic battleship! – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Uncle Gabby sees a hundred of crocodiles in Madem's uterus] Uncle Gabby: Hey! What are you guys doing in my uterus? Crocodile Pirate: No, she is our uterus! Get out! Mademoiselle Deboursay: When the emperor died on Saint Helena I impregnated myself with his germinal material in order to build an army of emperor clones! Uncle Gabby: Women. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Captain's Daughter: Drinky Crow! I've changed my stand-up. I have a new personality! Drinky Crow: I'm a little busy. [looks at a book] Sugar plus lard. Donut. Chicken plus lard. Fried chicken. Centrifuge plus steel girders. Nuclear atomic battleship?! Captain's Daughter: C'mon! You haven't heard my best chunk! Listen. [clears throat] Dating's tough when you're half alive, half dead. Alive girls say, "I can do better than a corpse"! Dead girls are great but then they decompose! [pbbbht] That's the gasses of decomposition escaping. Drinky Crow: Eh, seems a little familiar. [Captain's Daughter smacks him with a book that Drinky Crow was reading] – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Drinky Crow uses a pregnant detector to see if Mademoiselle Deboursay had rats inside her stomach, but until it's revealed that Gabby is in there] Drinky Crow: Gabby!? You said you'd break up! How is this that? Uncle Gabby: She let me have sex with her! From the inside! Plus, all the placenta I can eat! Drinky Crow: That's unpatriotic! What are those? Uncle Gabby: Just some centrifuges and steel girders she wanted. Since when did you become Young Master Prude? – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Drinky Crow: Madem, I see the rats are still holing up in here... Mademoiselle Deboursay: Yes. I'd kill them myself if I weren't so pregnant. Drinky Crow: How is your pregnancy? It hasn't made you irrational... Mademoiselle Deboursay: Au contraire, I've been quite irrational. I'm afraid I'm fat -- Give me cake! Let's finance a housing bubble by borrowing from the chinese! My ears are marmosets! Drinky Crow: Show me your nipples! Let's see if they're changed at all in color or consistency! Mademoiselle Deboursay: I will not! Because I find the suggestion highly offensive! – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Captain Maak: For the crime of spying, spreading plague, and making me torture you and then feel guilty about it, I hereby sentence you to death. Mademoiselle Deboursay: Go and execute me! You cowards! [takes off her dress torso revealing that she's pregnant] Captain Maak: Mademoiselle -- You're pregnant? [to the sailors] Bring her a reclining chair and a glass of water! In her condition she must be out of the heat! Captain Maak: [to Deboursay] Who is the father, you poor thing? Mademoiselle Deboursay: Gabby's the father! He seduced me with flowery talk and when he found out the baby was his, ran off! Captain Maak: Despicable. After the baby is born, we'll find him and execute you as a couple. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Drinky Crow: Captain! I think Deboursay's behind the rats! Her room was swarming with them! Captain Maak: Shame. All my interrogation techniques were predicated on her being horrified by rats. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Mort Cooper bits Captain's Daughter's leg] Captain's Daughter: You said you'd hear my material! Mort Cooper: I can listen and drink. Captain's Daughter: [serious moment] Mort Cooper: Fine. Go. Captain's Daughter: Remember the blue jeans we all had as kids? They were so '80's! It's like, what if you wore those now? People would be like, "What is this? The '80's"? [Mort Cooper shoots himself] Mort Cooper: Times like this I wish I wasn't immortal. Captain's Daughter: What's wrong with it? Mort Cooper: Other than the material and the delivery and everything else, nothing. Captain's Daughter: Well, help me! What should I do? Mort Cooper: First of all, talk about things people care about! You've looked in the face of horror and it's you! – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Captain's Daughter summoned a vampire from sea to help Captain's Daughter to be funny] Mort Cooper: Oy, why have you summoned me from realms of unceasing shadow irritating non-stop drizzling? Captain's Daughter: Mort Cooper! I love your act! I want you to help me to become funny. Mort Cooper: I'm a vampire. What's in it for me? Please remember the part from earlier about my being a vampire. [Captain's Daughter slices one of her skin of blood for Mort Cooper to taste it] Mort Cooper: Deal! Can you hide my coffin? If anyone finds it...oy. Always with the staking! And then maybe a nice scab danish. – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Captain's Daughter: I visualize myself. I am strong! I am loved! I am funny! How come guys never want to commit, but women are always like, "I want to commit"? How different! Mop Sailor: Is she trying to be funny? Drinky Crow: I think so. [Mop Sailor and Drinky Crow shoot themselves] Captain's Daughter: Oh, this new age crap is total crap! – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Captain Maak: Guard the spy well. Transcribe anything she may say using two sheets of carbon paper. [Mademoiselle Deboursay and Uncle Gabby make sex noises while Drinky Crow is typing what they mean] Drinky Crow: Is that spelled "U-h" or "U-n-h"? – The Drinky Crow Show Movie Quote	added 2 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

The Web's Largest Resource for

Famous Quotes & Sayings

A Member Of The STANDS4 Network

Browse Quotes.net

#A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Random New Quotes

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»

Who said: "When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let it go."

A Carol Burnett

B Tobias Wolff

C C. S. Lewis

D Abraham Lincoln