Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #43

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,957 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Talking Diamond:
Holy -- Neil, come on! Pop a cap in 'em, and let's get out of here before anybody sees us.

Stroker:
So long, C.A.R.R. We had a nice ride.

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, Stroke. I'll be thinking of you, too-- When I'm living in Hollywood with Neil.

Lou Diamond Phillips:
This talking car knows too much. Let's roll him off the cliff.

C.A.R.R.:
What? Hey, guys. Don't listen to Lou Diamond Phillips!

Talking Diamond:
Good thinking. We'll put these two inside, make it look like an accident.

C.A.R.R.:
He's not even a real Diamond. He's a Phillips. Lou Phillips! Neil, what's your middle name?

Neil Diamond:
Leslie.

C.A.R.R.:
Exactly. You don't hang out with The 5 Leslie's right?

Neil Diamond:
Who are The 5 Leslie's?

C.A.R.R.:
That not my point, you-- I mean, come on, guys. You really want to walk all that way?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Stroker & Hoop got beaten up from The 5 Diamonds]

Stroker:
Ow, crap! Get off me!

Hoop:
You were sleeping so peacefully. I didn't want to wake ya.

Stroker:
What? Where are we?

Hoop:
C.A.R.R.'s trunk. The 5 Diamonds are up front.

Talking Diamond:
Here's a good place to dump the bodies.

Stroker:
What did he say?

Hoop:
Something about dropping off their buddies. They must mean us.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker & Hoop meet The 5 Diamonds]

Hoop:
Hey! I got an M&M delivery for The 5 Diamonds.

[Dustin Diamond opens the door for Stroker & Hoop]

Dustin Diamond:
Come on in. Put 'em on the table.

Hoop:
Oh, my god! It really is the 5 Diamonds.

Talking Diamond:
Dustin, look at these M&Ms.

Stroker:
We're the local M&M delivery service.

Dustin Diamond:
The hell you are! [slaps the red M&Ms bowl off of Hoop's hands] Try again.

Hoop:
This is really embarrassing. Actually, we're from -- Your fan club.

Stroker:
Go 5 Diamonds, man.

Hoop:
YEOW!

Dustin Diamond:
Ok, ok. Um, ok, have a seat, guys. Y-You know what I love about my fans? They know all of the little things about me. They--They know I'm a capricorn. They know I'm left-handed. They even bring me special little left-handed gifts like funny novelty clocks that run backward.

Hoop:
Ha ha! We almost got you that.

Dustin Diamond:
And, um, they especially know that my favorite thing in the whole world is a particular color of M&Ms. Green. Because I can't stand the sight of the red ones, you [bleep] phonies!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker & Hoop sees backstage door of The 5 Diamonds]

Hoop:
I thought of everything.

Stroker:
What the hell are those for?

Hoop:
The Diamonds have a special writer in their contract. They want a bowl full of red M&M's after the show. I read it in in "Tiger Beat".

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Hoop:
So, what are we doing at this coliseum, Stroker?

Stroker:
I pulled some clues off of Copperfield's body. This Copper pistol and these, backstage passes to some group called the 5 Diamonds.

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, my god!

Hoop:
THE 5 DIAMONDS?!

C.A.R.R.:
The 5 Diamonds were created from Titans of the Entertainment Industry and engineered to be the perfect boy band. They are, Neil Diamond, the front man. Mike Diamond, the clean-cut one. Mr. La Bamba, Loud Diamond Phillips, the ethnic guy. Dustin Diamond, the bad boy. And of course, the ultimate object of every girl's fantasy, the world's only talking diamond.

Stroker:
Never heard of 'em.

5 Diamonds Fan Girl:
Yeah, go Diamonds! [pulls out her breasts]

Stroker:
[to the fan girl] Alright! Go 5 Diamonds!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Angry Car Guy:
It's green, moron! Watch the light!

Stroker:
Automatic car, asshole. C.A.R.R., it's green. Watch the light.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
So, how are we gonna find Danny?

Stroker:
I'll tell you after we pick up Hoop.

C.A.R.R.:
Why don't you just tell me now?

Stroker:
Then I have to tell it twice. You can just wait for when we get Hoop.

C.A.R.R.:
Yeah, it's taking you longer to *not* tell me than it would to just tell me.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R.!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Hoop's Mom sees Hoop and Vanessa playing Crapple]

Hoop's Mom:
Who's winning?

Vanessa:
Hoop.

Hoop's Mom:
My Hoopie always had a good vocabulary. He's quite a reader.

Vanessa:
Yeah.

Hoop's Mom:
[sees the board] There's no such thing as "Enveep".

Hoop:
Oh, it's a type of fruit that-- Uh...

Vanessa:
I tried to challenge him, Mrs. Schwartz, but we didn't have a dictionary.

Hoop's Mom:
[sad] I don't need a dictionary to spell whore! It's V-A-N-E-S-S-A! I'm getting Webster's!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Detective Putoine:
Stroker, I've read your statement. It says here you shot David Copperfield?

Stroker:
He was supposed to catch the bullet.

Detective Putoine:
Right. The bullet catch. Yeah. His big finale.

Stroker:
I warned him. I said, "David, you've been drinking. Are you sure you're up to the bullet trick"? And--And he insisted.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Hoop's Mom:
Hoopie, why is the door closed?

Hoop:
Oops.

Hoop's Mom:
The door is to remain open when ladies are present.

Hoop:
Hold on, Mom. We're playing Crapple. [to Vanessa] Quick, get dressed.

Vanessa:
Dammit, Hoop. That's it.

Hoop's Mom:
Hoop!

Hoop:
Hold on, Mom. Vanessa is just tallying her score.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Stroker:
Copperfield, what did you do with the kid?

David Copperfield:
You'll never find him, Stroker.

Stroker:
How did you know my name?

David Copperfield:
Show me some respect. I'm David Fricking Copperfield!

[as David Copperfield tries to disappear with a smoke bomb, Stroker shoots him, which failed miserably]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

David Copperfield:
Do I have any volunteers? How 'bout you, Danny?

Danny:
I don't want to disappear.

David Copperfield:
What if I shared the secret to one of my famous illusions with you?

Danny:
Alright.

[David grabs Danny]

David Copperfield:
[whispered] Stop being a wussy, and get in the frigging cage. [puts him in the cage] Now, don't tell any of your friends.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker meets his son]

Stroker:
Hey, sorry I'm late, pal. I was chasing some bad guys.

Keith:
Mom said you were asleep.

Stroker:
[pulls up an air freshener] Hey, look, what Dad got ya. This, uh, this is a chinese throwing star, huh?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Angel:
Glad you could make it. The kids are out back watching David Copperfield.

Stroker:
What the hell is Copperfield doing here?

Angel:
Apparently, we won some contest.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker's voice message on phone]

Stroker:
Hello, there. This is Stroker. I'm a private investigator, so I'm probably out in a dangerous mission right now. So, just leave it at the beep. Ciao. Here comes the beep. Here it comes. Oh, and hey, if you're calling for Dr. Ditmer, this is not a dentist's office, so please--

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Stroker:
Hoop, check the pager!

Hoop:
Alright, let's see here. Penis enlargement, penis enlargement, penis enlargement, low mortgage, penis enlargement. [gasps] This isn't spam! Some guy invented a penis enlargement pill, and it's been stolen!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Mr. Wilson:
There they are. The two idiots.

Hoop:
Megan? Is that you?

Stroker:
Hey, you lost weight. Lookin' good, Megan.

Mr. Wilson:
She crawled in the forest for 3 days to find...

Stroker:
Uh, you didn't get the ambulance? Oh, 'cause we called. We called. Hoop, didn't I tell you to call the ambulance?

Mr. Wilson:
You son of a b*tch! [steals 2 passports and box away from Stroker] [bleep] sucking mother [bleep] rat whore!

Mrs. Wilson:
[whispered] Jack.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop gets the money back after fighting the mascot car wash villains]

Stroker:
Well, kids, here's your money. Well, you know, less expenses, overtime, mileage, uh, getting beaten up. That's an extra fee. Anyway, here you go.

[Stroker give one the car wash kids some money]

Car Wash Boy:
$20 bucks?

Caterina:
We'll never make Orlando.

Stroker:
Did someone say Orlando? Because I just got back from the travel agent...

Car Wash Kid:
[gasps with joy]

Stroker:
...with two tickets. If you'll have me, Caterina.

Caterina:
Go the hell, mister.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[C.A.R.R. crashes Captain Rick]

C.A.R.R.:
Ooh. What do you do you think of that?

Hoop:
C.A.R.R., I think you have a problem.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
I'm sorry guys! They promised me a lifetime supply of-- [gets waxed] Oh, there's the wax. That's what I like, the hot wax.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R...what happened to your antenna?

[C.A.R.R. sees his antenna bent]

C.A.R.R.:
Hey, what the hell? Which one of you jackasses bent my antenna?

Mr. Sombrero:
Not me.

Captain Rick:
Must have been bent when you got here, matey.

Stroker:
I don't know, C.A.R.R. That comes out of your deductible. Your rates are gonna skyrocket.

C.A.R.R.:
Yeah, somebody is gonna have to pay to fix that! And it is not gonna be me.

Turtle Mascot:
Read your ticket. "This contract limits our liability". We are not responsible.

C.A.R.R.:
Not responsible?! You greedy bastards!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker & Hoop disguise as different mascots to get the villains' base]

Turtle Mascot:
Who the hell are you guys?

Hoop:
We are from Hawaiian Robot Wash & Shine.

Stroker:
Aloha.

C.A.R.R.:
[while getting a car wash] Aloha my ass, Stroker and Hoop!

Turtle Mascot:
Hey. Excellent work, C.A.R.R. You brought them right to us.

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., you dirty rat!

C.A.R.R.:
Rat, yes. Dirty? Not anymore! Ohh...chamois, chamois, chamois, chamois, chamois...

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker caught the eskimo]

Stroker:
Alright, this band-camp crap ends now, you little punk.

Hoop:
Huh. What kind of an eskimo head is that?

High School Boy:
I'm a Wolverine.

Stroker:
No, you're an eskimo. The Dwight D. Eisenhower Eskimo. And you've been robbing the Truman High School Band Car Wash.

Hoop:
What would the Inuit Council of Elders think?

High School Boy:
What are you talking about? We switched to the Wolverines, like, 15 years ago. Didn't you notice the signs?

[Stroker looks at the sign that said "Go Wolverines"!]

Stroker:
Wolverines? What kind of generic crap is that?

High School Boy:
Eskimos weren't politically correct. Everybody in town dropped it-- Except for the guys over at the North Pole Wash.

Hoop:
Stroker, isn't that where C.A.R.R. was calling from?

Stroker:
One second, Hoop.

Hoop:
I think he's in trouble.

Stroker:
[to the High School Boy] Anyone can be a Wolverine or a Wildcat. But we were the Eskimos, man. The Eskimos! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Don't you get it?

Stroker:
[singing] We drag our enemies back to camp, use their blubber to fuel our lamps, uh, something, something, whale bone, walrus...uh, something, something, uh, rhymes with walrus. When we kiss it's with our nose, we're the Eisenhower Eskimos! [accidentally hits the high school boy when he finished singing]

Stroker:
Oh, god, I hated high school.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Stroker get a call from C.A.R.R.]

Stroker:
Whatever it is, C.A.R.R., no. Tough love.

C.A.R.R.:
Come quick. I've solved the mystery. There's a car wash mob!

Hoop:
Tell him I said hi.

Stroker:
You need help, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
They're trying to put an end to all the charity car washes. I'm at the North Pole Wash-- Come quick!

Stroker:
No, C.A.R.R. I won't meet you at North Pole Wash so you can get a car wash. [hangs up]

Hoop:
You didn't tell him, didn't you?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Turtle Mascot:
For years, my fellow car wash barons, we have sat idly by while the charity car washes have encroached on our way of life. When the church does a car wash to send bibles to China, does it not take food from your children's mouths, Mr. Sombrero?

Mr. Sombrero:
Si, it does.

Turtle Mascot:
Si. Money that you could use to hire a pool cleaner, Captain Rick?

Captain Rick:
Aye!

Turtle Mascot:
Or a shirt, for those cold nights, Topless Carwash Girl. Or yo, Mr...um...

Shillelagh Shine:
Shillelagh Shine. I-I didn't know we were supposed to wear the costumes.

Turtle Mascot:
Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Maybe this will help your memory, you little-- [shoots Shillelagh Shine]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

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