Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #37

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,957 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Hoop:
Prepare to taste the awesome heat of the Fire Lotus!

[as Hoop and Souko slash their swords, Hoop's weak sword breaks]

Hoop:
Piece of crap 3-piece sword.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Before we fight, would you tell me who my victims were?

Souko:
They were old boyfriend. Don't worry, they were total bastard. One of them slept with my roommate. Another told me he'd call, and guess what? He never did.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Hoop find another piece that connects the Sword of the Fire Lotus]

Hoop:
Now that I alone posses the Sword of the Fire Lotus.

Ninja Leader:
You fooled me. They say that with the Sword of the Fire Lotus, one becomes immortal. Kill me quickly.

Hoop:
Oh, I'm not going to kill ya.

Ninja Leader:
No, please, it will be an honor to die by the Sword of the Fire Lotus.

Hoop:
If you insist. Let's see here, how does this thing work? Well, I guess I just pull the trigger.

[Hoop pulls the trigger of the sword making it flash a light on him]

Ninja Leader:
IT BURNS SO HOT! THE FIRE LOTUS IS CONSUMING MY FLESH! I see a light. I'm heading towards it.

Hoop:
What the hell is this? The amazing power of the sword is that it shines a light?

Ninja Leader:
Legend said its power shined like a lantern. We always thought that was a metaphor.

Stroker:
Must have been pretty cool before the flashlight.

Ninja Leader:
Hey, Hoop, I'll give you $50 for it.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Hoop fight against Ninja Leader]

Ninja Leader:
[laughs] Fool! You don't stand a chance against my loyal squad of trained assassins.

[sees no ninjas at his lair]

Ninja Leader:
[covering his mouth as the ninja henchmen] Be right there, boss!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Deborah:
[on TV] Scores of people with the initials J.S., including beloved actor Jimmy Smits, have been murdered...

Hoop:
What the hell, man? You could've have told me you were alive? You told Double-Wide. I was your partner.

C.A.R.R.:
We were worried you'd blab. You're a blabber.

Stroker:
It's true, you are a blabber.

Hoop:
Dude, I killed 3 ninjas avenging your death.

Stroker:
Man, how am I going to get my stuff back? I can't believe Double-Wide didn't have more cash on him.

Hoop:
Are you even listening to me?

Stroker:
What? Oh, uh, yeah. I owe you one buddy, no doubt.

Hoop:
I killed 3 ninjas!

Stroker:
Oh, then you know where their lair is.

Hoop:
Actually, I caught them at their day jobs.

Stroker:
Ninjas don't have day jobs. They're ninjas.

Keith:
[to Hoop] Did they fight like ninjas?

Hoop:
...Crap.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Ben Kim?

Ben Kim:
Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing in my house? Who are you?

Hoop:
I'm just a friend. What are we cooking?

Ben Kim:
Eggs.

Hoop:
Oh, perfect. I'll make you toast.

[Hoop hits Ben Kim with a frying pan and then shoves him into the oven burning him]

Hoop:
Ben? Ben, can you hear me? If you think that's hot...wait 'til you get to hell! [sniffs] Something smells deliciousssssss.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker sees his stuff being taken away by having an auction]

Auctioneer:
5, 55, 55, 55, 55!

Stroker:
What the hell?

Auctioneer:
5, 5, 55! Mayday, mayday! Come on, folks, I'm giving this stuff away today. Do I hear $5.50 for lot with the baby pictures and the private journal?

Stroker:
[whispered] Yo, Double-Wide.

Double-Wide:
Yeah, one, one, one second, Stroker. They're about to auction off the porn and the yearbooks.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Frank Wilson?

Frank Wilson:
Yeah?

Hoop:
I'm Hoop...Stroker's partner? I guess you know why I'm here.

Frank Wilson:
Are you looking for Frank Nelson in H.R.? Because I get his mail sometimes.

Hoop:
Nice try. [took one of Frank's CDs]

Frank Wilson:
Uh ,hey, buddy, those are my blank CDs.

Hoop:
Don't worry, frankie boy, I'll let you burn them...IN HELL!

[Hoop kills Frank by throwing CDs]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Give me a cherry slushee, a copy of "Juggs", couple of scratch-offs, and, uh, ah, this jerky rope.

[Hoop scratches off a lottery ticket]

Hoop:
Jerry Sears?

Jerry Sears:
Yeah?

Hoop:
Looks like your number's up, pal.

[Hoop blows the dust piece off to him, and whips the jerky rope around Jerry's neck]

Hoop:
This is for Stroker, you bastard.

Jerry Sears:
[strangled] What's Stroker?

Hoop:
You know, you're a pretty crappy ninja.

Jerry Sears:
THAT'S BECAUSE I'M A BASSIST!

Hoop:
Well, you better get ready to trade in your bass...for a harp...in hell!

[Hoop killed Jerry]

Hoop:
Tell your ninja buddies you've been hooped.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Keith disguises themselves as ghosts]

Keith:
Yo, Grandma.

Mrs. Jimenez:
Oh, my god. Is that you Keith?

Keith:
You don't have to worry. Uh, I'm in heaven now.

Mrs. Jimenez:
Keithy, my little nino.

Stroker:
Heaven is an awesome place Mrs. Jimenez. We'll see you there real soon. Come on, son.

Keith:
Also, grandma, uh, do you have my shoe?

Mr. Jimenez:
AY, DIOS MIO! [closes the door]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Souko:
Now that you have mastered the skill of the assassin, I must give you your graduation present.

Hoop:
Very pretty wrapping paper. I'll hold onto that.

Souko:
You are making me blush, Mr. Hoop. These are the names and addresses of the men who blew up Stroker, Keith, and C.A.R.R.

Hoop:
Aw, how thoughtful.

Souko:
Now are you ready for your second present?

Hoop:
Sure.

[Souko takes off her robe]

Hoop:
Alright, a new robe!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Hoop does karate techniques on objects]

Souko:
Left hand. Right foot. Forehead. Do left ass. Now do right ass.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Hoop tries to write Japanese]

Souko:
"Vengeance is mine".

Hoop:
"Hoop's bedroom".

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Double-Wide:
John Strockmeyer, beloved friend to many, family member to some, private detective to all.

Angel:
BASTARD!

Double-Wide:
Bastard to a select handful.

Woman:
Oh, Stroker, you were too young. We could have been great together.

Angel:
Who the hell do you think you are, b*tch, huh? He's my ex-husband.

Double-Wide:
[sings while the two woman are fighting]

Stroker:
[narrating] I had several thoughts racing through my head at that precise moment. 1: Never bring your son to his own funeral. It was a crappy idea and I was prepared to take the blame for it. 2: Who the hell was that hot chick and where was she when I was supposedly alive? And 3: Where was Hoop? That bastard didn't even care about me dying?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Double-Wide opens up for Stroker and Keith]

Double-Wide:
First let me say how honored I was to be asked by angel to speak today-- Honored and a touch surprised, because I think everybody knows how much money Stroker owed me. [wheezes] Probably never see any of that again, right, Steve?

Double-Wide:
Steve is, uh, Stroker's brother. He's an attorney. [wheezes]

Double-Wide:
Well, this is awkward.

Double-Wide:
Damn it. Can I start over? I'm sorry. Forget that happened, Father.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker and Keith look outside the window of the church and see their family members remembering the memories of Stroker and Keith]

Mrs. Jimenez:
Such a shame about Keith not going to heaven because he never went to confession.

Keith:
[cries] Oh, my god.

Stroker:
Why are you crying?

Keith:
[cries] I'm not going to heaven because I never went to confession.

Stroker:
Of course, you're not going to heaven, Keith. You're not even dead yet.

Keith:
[cries] I don't want to go to hell, Dad.

Stroker:
You stop crying right now or I am never taking you to another funeral again, got it?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[as Hoop was about to leave, Souko throws ninja stars at him and almost sliced off Hoop's balls]

Hoop:
[struggled] Ow. You nicked them.

Souko:
Oh, Mr. Hoop, so sorry. Sometimes that stars rises rift.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
[drunk] I wanna dedicate this song to my best friend, who just died.

Audience:
[gasps]

Hoop:
[to Double-Wide who passed out] Not him-- My earlier best friend. He died for nothing, for the stupid handle of the stupid Fire Lotus. And so tonight, I just want you all to know that I'm planning to brutally avenge his death.

Audience:
[still gasping]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[at the ninjas' base, one of the ninjas shows the fake note to the ninja leader of what happened a couple minutes ago]

Ninja Leader:
J.S.? J.S. That could be anyone?

Ninja #5:
Jimmy Smits?

Ninja Leader:
Jimmy Smits? JIMMY SMITS!

[Ninja Leader slices the 3 ninjas in half]

Ninja Leader:
[to his accountant] Bring in more ninjas please.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after Stroker's plan worked for doing a fake death so the ninjas won't get the Sword of the Fire Lotus]

Stroker:
No work, no school -- We should have pretended we were dead years ago.

C.A.R.R.:
I am going to kill you.

[Keith gets the phone]

Stroker:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Son, what are you doing?

Keith:
Calling Mommy.

Stroker:
Keith, we're pretending we're dead, ok? Dead people don't call their mommies. She'll only think you're dead for 2, 3 days, tops. How bad can that be?

[cuts to the next scene where Angel is crying that his son is dead]

Angel:
[cries] OH, NO! MY SON! OH, NO!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Ninja #3:
Where's the handle?

[Ninja #4 founds a note and shows him a fake note that Stroker and his son got exploded from the car with the Sword of the Fire Lotus inside of it]

Ninja #3:
Oh, great. We're dead.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Hoop:
Double-Wide, can I put a jar by the counter? I'm starting a college fund for the orphaned sons and daughters of dead ninjas.

Double-Wide:
Uh, I don't know. Once you get started with those charities--

Hoop:
Well, you already have one for the handicapped kids.

Double-Wide:
Well, I'll be damned. [laughs] I always thought that was a take-a-penny, leave-a-penny.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Stroker gives C.A.R.R.'s brain to his son so he take the bomb off of the car that the ninjas planted]

Stroker:
Ok, I see an alarm clock strapped to a couple sticks of dynamite. Nothing to worry about. There, that ought to do it.

C.A.R.R.:
Good job, Stroke. How'd you disarm it?

[C.A.R.R.'s vehicle explodes]

Stroker:
I didn't.

Keith:
Oh, my god, dude.

Stroker:
These ninjas are pretty damn persistent. We're better off having them think we're dead.

C.A.R.R.:
YOU A-HOLE!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Ninja #2:
This man Stroker is the new guardian of the handle, master.

Ninja Leader:
After 3,000 years-- So close, and you failed me.

[Ninja #2 starts to get worried when he failed of what's about to happen to him]

Ninja Leader:
I see that you are worried. Relax. It would be insane for me to kill you, not to mention bad for morale of the group.

Ninja #2:
Thank you, master. Very good.

Ninja Leader:
THIS HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT GROUP MORALE! [slices off a ninja member]

Ninja Leader:
[laughs] I'm just fooling with you. I had you worried there for a seconds, didn't I?

Ninja #2:
A little.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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