Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #67

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

David: Can I get a new bed? Jon: What's wrong with your old bed? David: Dad, you just got a new bed. Why can't I get one? Jon: [sighs] Let me give you a little dating 101, okay? I can't bring girls here and have the scent of my old bone stains spoil the mood, right? Understand? That's why I got a new bed. David: But -- But, Dad, I -- Jon: Hey, you know what? Your old bed is fine. End of discussion. [David angrily kicks a box] Jon: Wow! I can kick a box, too. Look. [slowly kicks the box] Look, I kicked a box. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Oh, yeah, Jon, you're so big! Oh, my god, you're too big! OOOH, I came! [Jon comes back from doing whatever kind of things in there] Jon: David could you hear that? David: [takes off headphones] What? Jon: Good. You'll wear those bone phones when I have women over. T.B. Tape meas. Thank you. TB: [to David] I might have to get a pair of those bone phones. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[a Wang Cho member comes into the russian social club to give them a message] Wang Cho Member: Yvgeny, on behalf of Wang Chos, I offer my life as a sacrifice in place of Jon. Please, make it quick. Pavel: What is this?! Wang Chos kill your papa, and in return they send this nobody?! Forget this, man. Let's kill Jon. Sergei: No, Pavel. If we kill this man, things are even. If we kill Jon, a war will start -- A war we will lose. Wang Cho Member: You should listen to this guy. Pavel: Which guy? Me? Wang Cho Member: The guy who was talking about killing Jon. Pavel: I was talking about killing Jon. Wang Cho Member: Then I meant the other guy. Todd Barry: You mean Sergei. Yvgeny: I think he means Pavel. Todd Barry: Dummy, Pavel wants to kill the guy. Yvgeny: Are you calling me a dummy? Trish: Yeah, shut up, Todd Barry! Todd Barry: [mimicking Trish] "Shut up, Todd Barry". You're kind of dumb, too. Trish: I don't sound like that. Yvgeny: You cannot talk to her like that. Todd Barry: You guys are like a dummy couple. Sergei: ALRIGHT, ENOUGH! We will accept this truce. Pavel: This is not a truce. This man is not equal to your father. Sergei: No, he is not. Pavel: [to Sergei] AND NEITHER ARE YOU! [Sergei starts to kill the Wang Cho member instantly] Sergei: It is done! It is over! Isn't that right, the new boss? Yvgeny: [paralyzed with blood on his body] Uh...yes. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Todd Barry: Hey, Yvgeny, congratulations on your thing. [Yvgeny raises his hand up to Todd to kiss his ring] Todd Barry: Nah. I'm not gonna do that. Sergei: Kiss the ring. Kiss it, Todd Barry. Todd Barry: I'm sorry I have to do this. [puts hand sanitizer on the ring before kissing it] Whoa! Can't put too much of this stuff on there. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Pavel: [to Sergei] You should be head of family, not Yvgeny. Why, because you are adopted? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Cart guy -- Wang Cho. Wang Cho. I get it. Doesn't want to blow his cover. David: What cover? Jon: Undercover Chos. They're everywhere. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: You know, I got to tell you, I have never felt safer in my life. TB: Thank you, Jon. That really means a lot to me. Jon: Uh, no. I mean the Wang Chos. Ever since I hired those guys, I do not feel afraid to walk the streets. Hey, man -- Wang Cho. David: I feel safe around you, T.B. TB: Thank you, David. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Qi-Qang: You are now Wang Cho protected. Jon: Alright. Yeah. So, uh...do I get some ninja dudes to follow me around, or what? Qi-Qang: The less you know, the better. Jon: Let's do that. That's smarter. Call of the day right there. Alright, I'm gonna take off. I'm out-skees. So, uh, sayonara. And, uh, I'll see you tomara. I love it, guys. Wang Cho protected. [Jon leaves] Meng Yao: What the hell are we doing? This guy's an embarrassment! Qi-Qang: WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR FATHER'S BURRITO? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Wang Cho Elder: I have a burrito in the fridge. One of you took a bite. Qi-Qang: [to Jon] He say, you need not worry now. Wang Cho Elder: My name was clearly written on it! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Qi-Quang: Welcome, Jon. Can I get you a tea? Jon: Tea? Does it come with a straw for my vagina? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Jon sees the lead member of Wang Cho, Qi-Qang in his Susan's loft] Jon: How'd you get in here? Qi-Qang: Patriarch of Mirminsky family die in prison. Poor old man have slipsy-whoopsie in the shower. Jon: I wanted Sergei dead, not the father! Qi-Qang: To kill dragon, you server the head, not the arm. You paid for blood, and now the debt we sharesy-waresy. If I were you, I would consider paying another million for protection in the wake of these events. [Qi-Qang look down on Jon's underwear] Qi-Qang: Is that a vagina? Jon: Yeah. It's my dead ex-wife's beav. Qi-Qang: [sniffs] Smells delicious. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
The Glaze: I'm here, Jon, to help guide you through all your life's ripples. Jon: Lipples. The Glaze: What? Jon: Life's ripples -- Lipples. The Glaze: Yes. Lipples. [Jon throws the pebble into the burning can as a pond] Jon: LET THE LIPPLES BEGIN! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[while Yvgeny having sex with Trish, Sergei came into Yvgeny's apartment with important news] Sergei: Get dressed, Yvgeny. Papa's been killed. Yvgeny: [whines] OH, NO! I AM A MAN NOW, PAPA! [crying] I'M A MAN! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Jon heads to Wang Cho Headquarters to get new protection] Qi-Qang: This is the man who called on the phone...he is offering us one million dollars to kill Sergei Mirminsky. Wang Cho Elder: This man looks like the cat I had when I was a little boy. Qi-Qang: He say most intriguing offer. But Mirminsky son very strong. What is your quarrel? Jon: He killed my ex-wife. Qi-Qang: [to Wang Cho Elder] They killed his wife. Wang Cho Elder: One day my brother fed rice to the cat...and the cat became sick. My mother was very cross. Qi-Qang: He say situation delicate. Our family cannot move without provocation. Our agreement must be secret or deal is off. Jon: Tell him...I agree...and I have much respect for the Wang Cho family and gang. Qi-Qang: [to Wang Cho Elder] He accepts our terms. Wang Cho Elder: I think this is the ghost of the cat. Make him leave! Qi-Qang: He say your wife will be avenged. Jon: How do you say "wall" in chinese? Qi-Qang: "Chong". [as Jon pulled something out of his pockets, the the Wang Cho gang were suspicious and stand up immediately] Jon: No, no, no, no, no. [shows a picture of himself] Chong. Chong. For your chong. Huh? For the chong. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Oh, my god. You're right. I-I have to sell this loft. It -- It's too painful for me to stay here. It's been driving ME crazy. ME! The Glaze: Yes! Now, that's the Jon I've been waiting to hear from. Jon: I mean, don't -- Don't get me wrong. I'm -- I'm happy to have my sweet loft, finally, but not at the expense of Susan's death. The Glaze: NO! I've just been talking to the Jon that's in here! [points to Jon's chest] And now I'm talking to the Jon that's up here! [points to Jon's forehead] What happened?! Jon: What? The Glaze: Shh! I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to you. [points at Jon's chest] I'll work with you for a one year minimum. $50,000 a month. I'll be available 24 hours a day. But don't you answer me here. I want you to answer me...here. [points to his Jon's head] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
The Glaze: Now, we've clearly helped cure David. But there's still one person whose fear is devouring his soul. And if he doesn't help himself quickly -- Confront this thing head-on -- Then it's only a matter of time before he begins his swift descent into complete madness. Jon: Yeah, T.B.'s pretty tightly wound. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
The Glaze: So, you had a little scare from the bad guys, and it shook you up. Jon: No. What shook me up was T.B. overreacting to nothing. TB: Would you rather be dead? Jon: You do the math. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Sergei: Yvgeny, where are you? Papa give go-ahead to kill Jon. We're heading out no-- [Yvgeny hangs up the call] Yvgeny: It's one of my men asking for permission to kill some guy. I'll call him back. [laughs] Trish: Power is so sexy. Yvgeny: I have to tell you something. Trish: What? Yvgeny: I have to tell you something. Trish: You don't want to have sex with me? Yvgeny: No. I AM A VIRGIN! Trish: You are? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
The Glaze: On days of the week that you used to spend with your mother, I want you to think of him as Mom. Jon: Yes, and on weekends, I'll be Dad. The Glaze: Jon and I have discussed the possibility of him getting a little tattoo of a vagina right next to his penis -- Whatever will help you visualize him as mother. David: Yeah, that will not be necessary at all. Jon (as Susan): Well, have a good day at school. [getting ready to hug his son] [David leaves immediately] TB: David's coming down. Jon: Well, I guess he's at that age. Doesn't want to kiss his Mom. [chuckles] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
The Glaze: [to Jon] Can I see the dress that you creamed yourself with? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
The Glaze: Jon and David will begin their new lives from here...like a pebble dropped into a pond, rippling outward. Think of the new experiences. The joy! The hurt! [laughing] The laughter! Jon: [laughs] The Glaze: The pain. Jon: [stops laughing] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: You know, if we put a flat screen on the ceiling, we could just watch tv like this. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Susan Shapiro: I do know someone. He's a life-enhancement coach, and I think he'd be good to talk to. He came in and helped us when our lead actor in "Attitude Stool" had some actual problems with his attitude. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: I just wanted to have another meeting because David...has been having a very tough time dealing with Susan's death. And I am wondering and hoping that maybe you know of a good counselor or therapist that you can recommend for him. David: Yeah, I'm actually totally fine. Jon: [sighs] David: I'm not the one who tried to give myself a handjob with a dress. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago

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