Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #66

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,044 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Baby Cakes heads to the Mountain of Men's Worst Fear] Dragon: I can't believe you're doing this. Baby Cakes: But it must be done, my friend. [Pony pauses the game] Pony: What? What's it like? Why is it called the Mountain of Men's Worst Fear? Baby Cakes: Because it's a mountain...of a million penises! And to go in...I got to push into them! Cravid: And you do! You push through into the cave also filled with wads and wads of penises! Baby Cakes: NO! AAH! Cravid: They're hairy and floppy, and they smell like bleach and ammonia. Baby Cakes: OH, GOD! I MUST CONTINUE! Cravid: Oh, you do, but now the mountain loves that you're pushing into it! Baby Cakes: EW! Cravid: Penises start to get erect, growing and smothering you even more! Baby Cakes: Oh, god! Cravid: IT'S HARD TO PASS THROUGH! Baby Cakes: OH, BUT I MUST! I MUST! Cravid: You must allow them to release! To help the penises release...you must! Baby Cakes: OH, I CAN'T! I CAN'T BRING MYSELFTO DO IT! Cravid: But you see the Blade of Banishment! It's right there! It's yours if you just jack this mountain off! Baby Cakes: [panicking] Okay, yeah, I see it. Okay, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it! [grunts] Be strong! Cravid: Yes! You do. Okay. Now you're outside with the blade. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[in the next scene shows an introduction of Frank vs Muhammad Ali in a boxing tournament] Golden Bowl: I'm Golden Bowl, coming at you live! And commentating with me tonight is the completely naked Zac Efron. How you feeling, Zac? Zac Efron: Confused! Golden Bowl: Muhammad Ali weighing in at 175 but no showing for the challenger. You're thought, Zac? Zac Efron: Many assume Frank Smith must have killed himself in a secret place. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Cravid: Okay, well, B.C., you're starting as a level one thief with nothing. Baby Cakes: I KNOW THAT! [imaginary scene intensifies where Baby Cakes becomes a thief in the game] Pony: Your carcass has brought me some good trades. And we took all your stuff. Baby Cakes: Yeah? Well...I STASHED THE COOLEST! [flips the table on Pony] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Steve Smith: So, there I was on the beach wearing an open, flowing white linen shirt, Chinos rolled up, and I got this horse for this girl. And the girl is set to pop, by the way. She's ready to rumble on my crumble, but this f**ing horse, man. The guy I rented him from was all like, "Yeah, he'll run on the beach like he's staring in a slo-mo tampon commercial", but this horse was like, "This piece of sht is gonna make me run on this f*ing beach, so...I just tied him to a piece of driftwood, and me and this girl laid down on all this weird kelp, and, I mean, it was cool because I was -- I was way drunk, but, uh, I-I swear, while we were doing it, I saw this guy who looked like...Shaq...but also Slash, just pushed together. I couldn't stop looking at him, and during -- During the sex, I accidentally called the girl "Slaq". Steve Smith: Oh, man. I mean, she didn't care. I was at the end of the summer, and she was going back to Australia. I mean...I think she was, like, a cellist or something. She was great, though. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Sunshine: Hey, Frank, are you gonna get to teaching me about Teddy? Frank Smith: WHERE CAN I HIDE?! QUICK! MUHAMMAD ALI IS GONNA KILL ME! Sunshine: Why'd you challenge him if you didn't want to fight? Frank Smith: Don't you understand?! It was perfect! I thought I could challenge a badass without any chance of him accepting! Kim: Dude, he's gonna be easy to beat. Frank Smith: [scoffs] You don't know that, right? I mean, he's -- He's black. Sunshine: Well, on the bright side, Frank, you could have it bad like Stacy. [Sunshine shows Frank what Stacy looks like when her lips are swollen] Sunshine: Look at freaky Stacy. She done f*ed her lips up with Collagen. Stacy: I mean, my lips are numb. I can't feel a thing. [slaps her face] See? Numb. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Cravid: I don't know. He's got high charisma. Pemsy: But I have level eight armor. Pony: What if...my character takes of all of her clothes...slowly and she decides to masturbate? Pemsy: [gasps] Matt Attack: Cool, cool, cool. Pony: But, no, she stops. Cravid and Pemsy: NO! Matt Attack: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Cravid: She's doesn't stop! Pemsy: She...finishes. Pony: Mm, maybe I could get back in the mood...if I could find the best horse in the land? Cravid: Yes, you do. You have it. Pony: Boom, now I got a horse, dummies! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[students see a TV in Frank's classroom] Kim: What's that on the TV? Frank Smith: W-Why is there a TV in here? Golden Bowl: [on TV] Breaking news -- Muhammad Ali has arranged a press conference. Laila Ali: My father has accepted the recent challenge from Frank Smith. He will fight in China, Illinois. Muhammad Ali: [whispers to her daughter] Laila Ali: Right. Right. My Dad says he's so bad, he should change his first name to breaking. Dad, that sucked. Muhammad Ali: [whispers to her daughter] Laila Ali: What? No, no. My Dad says he's so fast, he travels 299,792 kilometers per second? Dad, no. Look, he's fighting. See y'all in China. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Sunshine: Frank, why the hell did you challenge a dying, old man to a fight? Frank Smith: Look, it's just a thing a big swinging dick like me does when in prison or out in the world. It's cool. Now people think I'm a badass. Sunshine: Uh, people think you're an asshole, asshole. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Baby Cakes: Yo, Pony! Pony, hold up! [brings Debra while she still being crippled] Hey, um...so...yeah... Pony: Why is Deb out of the hospital? Baby Cakes: Oh, no, no, Deb called me up, didn't you, Deb? Yeah. And she's fine. She -- She wants to play D&D, so, you know, we got it, and thanks for filling in. Debra Bowl: [slurred] Hospital? Pony: Well, I told the guys I'd play at least one more round with your stupid game. Baby Cakes: [drops Debra] Okay, look, you f*er! You got to leave my game! You don't play it right! Pony: Played right enough to kill your ass. Game sucks, but I'm staying. Baby Cakes: I CAN'T LIVE! [sings indistinct mumbling] – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Steve Smith: Then it was Dorothy, then Margaret, then Samantha, then Gertrude, then...oh, then Vivian. Man, Vivian was so...intense. But then she got into God and lost interest in me because, I mean, let's face it. Nobody f*s like God. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Sunshine: Cut the crap and tell us about the Teddy Roosevelt! Frank Smith: That's not why we're here today. Kim: Yes, it is. Technically, it's the only reason we're here today, lil' dick bastard. Frank Smith: I called this press conference...to challenge the biggest, baddest person around, so I challenge...Muhammad Ali to a 12-round boxing match, heavyweight rules. Any questions? Kim: Um, over here, professor! Frank Smith: Uh, Golden Bowl, go! Golden Bowl: First off, why? Frank Smith: I challenge Ali because, as a hasty google search confirmed, he's the baddest in the land. But if he proves to be too busy, I will win by default. So, next question. Golden Bowl: Why threaten a venerated national treasure? Frank Smith: Let's see, um, because I need a F*ING BITCH TO F* IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! AND HE SEEMS LIKE A PERFECT, PERRFECT SUBJECT FOR ME TO F*! Golden Bowl: ...You know he's got Parkinson's, right? Frank Smith:** ALI AIN'T SHT! [angrily flips the table and leaves] Stacy:* [to Kim] So, Collagen, yes or no? – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Golden Bowl: Golden Bowl here, reporting live at what seems to be a press conference. [Frank comes in and see the news crew broadcasting Frank's classroom] Frank Smith: Hey, assholes! I'm the guy, okay?! So take photos as I enter. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Stacy: Kim, I'm thinking about getting Collagen for my lips. You think I need it? Sunshine: I think that I really want to get to the Teddy Roosevelt lecture. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Pony plays Dungeons and Dragons] Pony: What do I look like? [transitions to the next scene where Pony is in a imaginary game where she's in drawrven armor] Cravid: You're in level seven dwarven armor. Pony: No, I don't like this. It widens me. Where's the clothing hut? Baby Cakes: Pony, that armor is really good. It'll protect you. Pony: Whatever. Pony: Hey, yo, wenches. Cravid: Uh, what is she doing? Pony: I'm trading this man armor for some wench wear. Cravid, do they trade? Cravid: Well, yeah. You pretty much just gave them 100,000 realm bucks. Pony: Okay, cool. Now what? Baby Cakes: Well, now we go fight -- For blood crystals. Pony: Whoa, fight? Why? Are we dicks? Why don't we just go in that bar and get drunk? Matt Attack: Finally! Let's go drink beer and f* some ginger elven women. Boom! Pony: Oh, it's beer only? I want a girlie drink. Baby Cakes: Pony, please, you're embarrassing yourself. Okay, let's all go raid the Goblin's Watchtower. Cravid: Cool. So... [imaginary sequence intensifies as one of the gang sneak pass from the goblin troll with a wand] Pony: Ooh, what's that pretty thing? Baby Cakes: Oh, you got so much to learn. [Pony takes Goblin's wand] Cravid: Finally, someone selects the ultimate power and dexterity-enhancing weapon! Baby Cakes: What?! What the f? Pony:* Cool, cool. Now what? Roll a die? Roll at someone? B.C., I roll at you. Baby Cakes: No, no, wait, don't! [Pony rolls the die] Cravid: Pony has gained initiative. If she cares to strike... Pony: Yeah, I strike. [Pony rolled a 20] Cravid: [mortified] Baby Cakes, mightiest of all leaders...you are slain. [Baby Cakes does a dramatic lose act] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Steve Smith: Then there was Ginger. Her Dad's mouth, man, it smelled like a hamster cage. Not hers, though. Let's see. After that, Kelly, Ginger's sister. Now, she did have the hamster-mouth problem. Not sure what was going on there. Ah, man. I mean they didn't even have hamsters. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Baby Cakes: My dwarf warrior, Deb, she shattered her neckbone doing Judo, and for some stupid reason, you can't play D&D without a girl! Frank: Pony, just playing with him or something. Pony: [scoffs] I'm not jerking in that nerd circle. I've got to read a book for my book club, anyway. Baby Cakes: How 'bout please play?! I got to get these blood crystals! Pony: [sighs] Okay, fine, but you're buying me Taco Bell, and I'm eating Taco Bell, and when all my Taco Bell is gone, I'm gone. Baby Cakes: Oh, thank you! I can't wait to show you the ropes. [chuckles] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Frank Smith: Yeah, um, Teddy Roosevelt. Um...obviously, a personal influence on me. Sunshine: Oh, you ain't a Teddy. You got lean haunches, Black Swan. Stacy: Hey, remember when Frank cried because the custodian was vacuuming outside of his office and he felt trapped? Frank Smith: Stacy, shut your thin f*ing lips, okay? I am so sick of people feeling like they can emasculate me because they can't...even though they think they have been doing it my whole life. Kim: Uh, Black Swan's dick is weak. It's sad. Frank v HEY, LISTEN, YOU SHE-PIGS! No one undermines me when I am teaching -- [Custodian cames in] Custodian: Sorry, man -- Got to do my monthly spray. Frank Smith: Well, can't you do it at night?! I-I'm allergic! Custodian: Already spraying. Frank Smith: [coughs] I'll show you! I'll show you all that I'm like Teddy! I'll show you that I'm a badass! – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Frank Smith: [sleeping] I am Black Swan. I am Nat...na..Natty Bumpo. I am. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Steve Smith: You know, I'm not allergic to any meds. Sedentary lifestyle. Uh, I'm not a smoker. Um, numbers of drinks in a day? Oh, come on, I drink lots. Um, let's see. Sexual history? Sexual history -- Well, uh, I guess it all started with, uh, Jenny Horowitz. Yeah, Jenny Horowitz. She used to meet me out where they started to build that super Walmart but where they actually just left a hug pile of...dirt. It was a great place to lose a virginity, though. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Pony interrupts BC's game] Pony: Time's up, dorks. We got our new book club in here. Baby Cakes: Oh, come on, Pony! Why don't you -- Why don't you just do your book club, like, over there in the corner? Pony: I'm not gonna force my book club girls to hang with guys who legos. Pemsy: Don't you mean screw with? Pony: No, I mean screw. Pemsy: Aw. Matt Attack: I never get that elf ass! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Baby Cakes and the gang play Dungeon and Dragons] Baby Cakes: Okay, Deb, token female, you take point. Debra Bowl: Awesome. Let's kick some ass and take sh* from people. Lead us! Matt Attack: Y'all know I just play to try and f* some elves, right? Baby Cakes: Now, now, Sir Matt, this campaign is about scoring blood crystals -- For me. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Doctor Mother: Baby, listen. You're Dad and I respect each other. And that's as far as we go. We love you, we share that. Professor Cakes: You know. You know, son, she's right. Even is she was into me...Suzie, you look like Mickey Rourke. Baby Cakes: You know I hear what you're saying, but I'm always gonna hope that you two will f*. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Doctor Mother: Dean. You destroyed. You killed. Why? Dean: Every day I don't is another day I didn't. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[when Steve Urkel gets back to its normal size, he then realizes what he has done after becoming a giant monster] Steve Urkel: [sees all the dead bodies] Oh, no. Oh, no. I did do that. I did do that. I did that. IIIIIII DIIIID THAAAA-- [shoots himself] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 3 months ago

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