Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #69

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,896 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[as Hoop and Giggles were about to jump]

Hoop:
On my count. 5...

Hoop & Giggles:
4, 3, 2...

Hoop's Mom:
Hoopy, don't jump!

Hoop:
MOM! You're alive?

Hoop's Mom:
That's right, Hoopy, your Rose is still in bloom!

Hoop:
Ohh, thank god! But it doesn't change the fact that I'm just a worthless advertising whore!

Hoop's Mom:
After two days, Hoopy? Advertising provides a necessary service. Why, without advertising, there would be no television. Newspapers, or -- Or talking urinals.

Hoop:
Do you really believe that, Mom?

Hoop's Mom:
No. But I'll say anything to keep you from committing suicide.

Hoop:
What do you say, Giggles? Are you with me?

Brandon Blanc:
[Giggles' voice] Let's do it.

[Brandon (Giggles) jumps off the billboard]

Brandon Blanc:
[Giggles' voice] WHEE!

Hoop:
Oh, my god! I meant with me the other way.

[Brandon Blanc (Giggles) dies after falling from the billboard]

Coroner Rick:
Face down every time. [laughs]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Hoop:
Giggles, stop!

Brandon Blanc:
You're too late. Seconds from now, the whole world will watch Stroganoff and I somersault off this billboard! [Giggles' voice] And then I'll finally be FREEEE! [giggles]

Hoop:
Let Stroganoff go, Giggles. I'll jump with you. We're the real victims of advertising -- You and me, the people who give their creative talents too freely to giant corporations.

Brandon Blanc:
[Giggles' voice] I feel like such a whore.

Hoop:
Let him go, Giggles. He doesn't belong up here. We do.

Brandon Blanc:
Ok.

Stroker:
Sweet. [walks away]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Giggles:
Do you know I have 95% awareness in this country? That's 285 million people who know my name. That's more than the vice-president.

Stroker:
Pathetic, isn't it?

Giggles:
No, it's not. It's beautiful. Brandon Blanc is nobody, but Giggles is a star! I'M BIGGER THAN BRAD PITT!

Stroker:
Who the hell is Brandon Blanc?

[Giggles takes off his mascot head revealing himself as Brandon Blanc]

Brandon Blanc:
I am. I got this job out of College, 20 years ago. I don't have any other skills. [Giggles' voice] Giggles is all I am.

Brandon Blanc:
The night Rose retired, Jackson told me they were gonna kill Giggles. [Giggles' voice] So I killed him first. It was self-defense!

Stroker:
Sure, yeah, self-defense.

Brandon Blanc:
I destroyed his files. I thought I was safe. But then you came along and killed Giggles again.

Stroker:
[worried laugh] Now, what? Killed Giggles? No, that was just the teaser, man. Before I introduced a new edgier you.

Brandon Blanc:
Edgier me?

Stroker:
Yeah, you were gonna tear your mask off so we could see the real you. You know, looking all sweaty and crazed. Giggles the Suicidal Loser in a Bear Costume. Maybe you can spin it-- [laughs] I'm sorry!

Brandon Blanc:
Am I a joke to you?

Stroker:
Come on, Brandon, there's still plenty of things you can do, like, uh-- There's grocery store openings and birthday parties. You could sign autographs at nerd conventions, maybe even get some nerd tail.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Coroner Rick help Hoop's Mom escape prison while she still has the knife]

Coroner Rick:
Look, can't you take that knife away? We're safe now.

Hoop's Mom:
We're not safe till these cut-up 65-year-old ass cheeks of mine are as far away from that prison as possible.

Coroner Rick:
Rose, Rose, be careful with that thing.

Hoop's Mom:
Can't you do something about all this traffic?!

Coroner Rick:
What the? Some idiot is up on that billboard threatening to jump. [out the car window] GO AHEAD, BUDDY, JUMP! I GOT PLENTY OF ROOM IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Coroner Rick have his moments with Hoop's Mom]

Coroner Rick:
[crying] Oh, Rose. Rose.

Hoop's Mom:
You'll need to get me out of here.

Coroner Rick:
[gasp] Damn. I knew you couldn't have eaten enough ribs yet to have your blood smell like prison barbecue sauce.

Hoop's Mom:
Put me in the van. I'm escaping.

Coroner Rick:
I'm digging your new gutsiness, but I can't. You know that's a federal offense.

Hoop's Mom:
You'd better help me, unless you want a colombian jockstrap. [grabs him while pulling out her knife]

Coroner Rick:
Alright. But I take back that thing about digging your gutsiness.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Hoop:
[on phone] Hello?

C.A.R.R.:
Hoop, get over here! Giggles has taken Stroker hostage!

Hoop:
What?

C.A.R.R.:
He's making him climb up the Freshen Up billboard. [gasp] I think they're gonna jump.

[Hoop gets another call]

Hoop:
Hold on a second.

C.A.R.R.:
He's going to die.

Hoop:
Hello?

Coroner Rick:
Hoop, bad news. I don't know how else to say this, so--

C.A.R.R.:
I'm still on the line.

Hoop:
Sorry. I must have hit conference instead of flash.

C.A.R.R.:
Hold on. Let me give you the address.

Coroner Rick:
C.A.R.R., please. I have some horrible news for Hoop.

C.A.R.R.:
So do I! Stroker's been kidnapped.

Coroner Rick:
Your Mom's dead.

Hoop:
Dead wrong? She was dead wrong about something?

Coroner Rick:
She was dead wrong about living to see tomorrow, I guess.

Hoop:
[sobs] Oh, my god.

Coroner Rick:
It's ok, buddy. It's ok. Let it out. I'm so sorry.

C.A.R.R.:
So anyway, we're at the 140 at Canejo. If you get a chance--

Coroner Rick:
C.A.R.R.!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Stroker:
Take me to the old rack shack, C.A.R.R. We're gonna celebrate my Super Bowl ad with some ribs and boobs.

C.A.R.R.:
I'm sorry, Stroker. I let ya down. He made my upholstery so lovably soft, I couldn't help myself.

Stroker:
What are you talking about?

[Giggles appears inside the car holding a gun at Stroker]

Stroker:
Giggles, buddy! Dude, I was just asking for your number upstairs. I want to party with Giggles! We're going to the Super Bowl, baby!

Giggles:
You thought it was funny to shoot me. Well, turnabout is fair play.

Stroker:
Oh, come on, what are you talking about, G? I'm your hugest fan. You're like, the reason I started using Freshen Up.

[Giggles sniffs Stroker knowing that Stroke doesn't used that kind of product]

Giggles:
Nice try. Now drive, b*tch.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Hoop's Mom meets her match with Chica]

Chica:
Yo, Rose, you and me, we got some unfinished business.

Hoop's Mom:
About the knives, Chica, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Chica:
Oh, no, I ain't accepting no apologies. Cost me two kilos of H and half the Mahjongg racket to buy my way out of solitary.

Hoop's Mom:
No, no, it's not an apology. It's something else.

Chica:
Oh, yeah? What is that?

[Hoop's Mom then pulls out a knife and stabbed Chica right in the gut]

Hoop's Mom:
I didn't turn them all in, [bleep]. Mess with the Rose, and you're gonna get the thorns.

Coroner Rick:
Way to go, Rose!

Hoop's Mom:
I can't take it anymore, Coroner Rick!

[Hoop's Mom slits her throat]

Coroner Rick:
OH, GOD! NOOO! [climbs the barbed-wires]

Police Officer Guard:
What the hell are you doing? You can use a door. You work here.

Coroner Rick:
I know, I know. Dumb idea.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Hoop's Mom:
Where's Hoop, meeting with The Warden?

Coroner Rick:
He couldn't be here.

Hoop's Mom:
He's busy tracking down a lead on the real killer, isn't he?

Coroner Rick:
Not exactly. He was too upset to visit. I'm afraid the Fabric Softener people went with another pitch.

Hoop's Mom:
That selfish yuppie bastard! Tell Hoopy I was thinking of him in his designer necktie as I was getting my colombian one.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Stroker plays the tape of the Freshen Up advert he made while getting drunk]

Giggles:
[giggles] Why am I so happy? Because I'm fresh and static free!

[cuts to the next scene where Stroker shoots the tv of the Freshen Up commercial]

Stroker:
After about the 500th time you saw that ad, did you want to put a bullet in Giggles' head? I sure as hell did, and after 35 years, so did the good people at Freshen Up. That's why Freshen Up Fabric Softener is now F.U.

Stroker:
F.U. is strong enough for a man, with the clean, fresh scent that's scientifically proven to make chicks want to [bleep] you off.

Stroker:
F.U. is a lot like me -- Hip, extreme, in your face, hip -- Especially for kids in College. Fabric Softener goes in the dryer. Try it. And when they ask you what your secret with chicks is, tell them, "F.U., pal"!

Stroker:
Alright, cut. Print that b*tch.

Fabric Softener Slut:
Now can I get my money?

Stroker:
No, you can't get your money now. You're only half finished.

[ad ends]

Tommy:
It's so guerilla. It's genius!

Hoop:
If you like that, you're gonna love Freshen Up: Extreme. Now picture this: We get Tony Hawk.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Hoop:
[whispers to Stroker] I stole a peek at Johnson and Buhl's storyboards. And it's a couple of college kids who get their laundry mixed up. They end up having sex on top of the dryers. That's pretty good. I've got a whole thing going with extreme sports that I think is going to kill. But I want to go last so I can subtly criticize their pitch.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Coroner Rick:
Hoop, I have some terrible news. Your Mom was stabbed in the ass yesterday.

Hoop:
[gasp] How is she?

Coroner Rick:
Oh, it was touch and go there for a while, but they were able to save both cheeks.

Hoop:
Oh, thank god! I can still make the pitch meeting.

Coroner Rick:
Come on, we got to get to that prison. They're not putting your Mom in protective custody because ass stabbings are considered warnings, but that Chica -- OOH!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Giggles:
Hopowitz. Hopowitz!

Hoop:
Giggles?

Giggles:
I brought you some pizza. We got to burn the midnight oil.

Hoop:
How did you get in here?

Giggles:
Pretty funny about Tommy not thinking I'm cool enough to rep Freshen Up. What's his dealio, bro? He should take a chill pill, dawg. I'm totally old school, G. KICK IT!

[Giggles make beats]

Giggles:
[raps] My name is MC Giggles and I'd like to say it's dope to stay soft the Freshen Up way!

Hoop:
Giggles, stop. Giggles, stop! I don't really think--

Giggles:
Forget rap. It's totally wack, bra. Dig this. Freshen Up Extreme! Put me on a snowboard, Hopowitz. Light me on fire and throw me out of a [bleep] airplane!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Hoop:
Freshen Up Fabric Softener-- Because your penis should be hard, not your clothes. God! I'm such a hack.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Coroner Rick sees Hoop's Mom in the hospital that got her butt injured]

Coroner Rick:
What are you doing here?

Hoop's Mom:
I got shivved in the ass by the Senior Senoritas. What are you doing here?

Coroner Rick:
Oh. Oh, I pick up all the dead bodies at the prison.

Hoop's Mom:
Can you get a message to the outside for me? Can you tell Hoop to visit? I'm not going to last in here much longer.

Coroner Rick:
I'll tell him, Rose. You get well, soon.

Hoop's Mom:
Enjoy your lunch.

Coroner Rick:
Oh, that's not my lunch. That's eyeballs. One of the Senior Senoritas caught an Aryan oldie cheating at Bingo. [laughs] Ah, old people.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Hoop's Mom sees a soap on the ground while taking a shower]

Female Inmate #2:
Can you pick that up for me?

Hoop's Mom:
[thinking] I've heard a lot of jokes about dropping the soap in the shower, and I'm pretty sure those jokes are about anal rape, but wouldn't that just be in a man's prison? Soap is awfully slippery, and it would be awkward if she came over here to pick it up.

Hoop's Mom:
[thinking] Well, here goes nothing.

[as Hoop's Mom picks the soap up]

Female Inmate #2:
Thank you, dear.

Hoop's Mom:
[thinking] See, Rose? Nothing to worry about. You got yourself all worked up in a lather over nothing. [laughs] Lather! Over soap! Oh, Rose! [laughs]

[Hoop's Mom then got mysteriously stabbed in the butt]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Hoop gets a call from Hoop's Mom in prison]

Hoop's Mom:
Why are you late, Hoopy? We only have 5 minutes now.

Hoop:
I promised myself I wasn't going to leave until I had at least 10 freshen up taglines written.

Hoop's Mom:
Listen to me carefully. We don't have much time. My roommate, Chica, she's the Head of the Senior Senoritas. They run the heroin trade and the Mahjongg gambling. She's gonna have me whacked!

Hoop:
Well, if it cheers you up, your son got a really important assignment at work.

Hoop's Mom:
DID YOU HEAR ME?

Hoop:
Yeah, but we only have 5 minutes, Mom. Don't you want to hear about me, too?

Hoop's Mom:
Chica is going to cut my tits off, if you don't get me out of here!

Hoop:
Come on, Mom! What would they want with your tits?

Hoop's Mom:
HOOP!

Hoop:
...Why are you always sabotaging me?

Hoop's Mom:
What are you talking about? I'm not sure I can survive on the inside, Hoop.

Hoop:
[angry] Well, I'm not sure I can survive in the dog-eat-dog world of advertising, so we're even!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Hoop's Mom:
[to the police officer] Excuse me. I found these tidying up around Chica's bunk last night. I thought they should be returned to the kitchen.

Chica:
Hey, those aren't mine.

Hoop's Mom:
Of course they are, dear. They were tucked inside that little hollowed-out part of your mattress.

Police Officer:
Let's go, Chica.

Chica:
You are dead, b*tch!

Hoop's Mom:
She'll change her tune after a good night's rest. Sandy was the same way. If she didn't get 8 solid hours, watch out! [laughs]

Chica:
I'M GONNA SLIT YOUR THROAT! THEN I'M GONNA SLICE YOUR TITS OFF!

Hoop's Mom:
[cover her breasts while worried] That's just how we talk to each other. Bye, Chica! I hope you get your tits sliced off, too.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Buhl:
Hey, cats, how's the brainstorming coming?

Stroker:
Great.

Buhl:
We're gonna watch some director's reels this afternoon if you want to hang.

Hoop:
You're already finished?

Buhl:
We jammed out a bunch of concepts last night. Feeling good. We're gonna blow you guys away.

Hoop:
[whispered to Stroker] You can tell they're really creative because they've got tons of toys in their offices.

[while Stroker keeps getting hit with one of the toy balls that Buhl is shooting with a nerf-like gun]

Stroker:
[pulls out his gun on Buhl] SHOOT ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, AND WILL [bleep] DROP YOU.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Stroker:
According to this file, Jackson cut your Mom's retirement benefits 3 weeks before she left. That's motive.

Hoop:
More bad news. Says here that 83% of College kids have heard of Freshen Up, but only 42% have a favorable reaction to the brand. Damn it!

Stroker:
You need to get some sleep.

Hoop:
It's not that. I'm only using my left hand this week. It's supposed to supercharge your creative juices.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Hoop's Mom:
You know, Chica, I haven't had a roommate since College. I just hope you and I can be as good of friends as Sandy and I were. They called us the Tuttle Twins because we lived in Tuttle Hall.

Chica:
I had a roommate once that wouldn't shut up. So I gave her a colombian necktie.

Hoop's Mom:
I once gave my son Hoopy a peruvian sweater even though he had a bad report card.

Chica:
It means I slit her throat and pulled her tongue out the whole.

Hoop's Mom:
[scared straight]

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Hoop's Mom meet her new female prison roommate]

Hoop's Mom:
Oh, you must be Chica. I'm Rose. Welcome home, roomie.

Chica:
Don't touch my bunk, b*tch.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[meanwhile, Hoop's Mom gets taken to Senior Women's Jail]

Hoop's Mom:
I'm so glad there's a separate wing for senior woman. I feel so much safer.

Female Inmate:
Hey, take a look! Fresh fish!

All Female Inmates:
[chanting] Fresh fish!

Hoop's Mom:
[gets along] Fresh fish! Fresh fish! Thank you! It's been a very hard couple of days, and you don't know what a welcome like this makes me feel.

Hoop's Mom:
I'm looking forward to enjoying the fresh fish with all of you tonight!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Stroker:
Tommy, does fabric softener go in the washer or the dryer?

Tommy:
That's what I'm talking about! We need to educate these kids on fabric softening fundamentals. [to Buhl and Brenden] Don't assume they know something just because you do.

Stroker:
[whispers to Hoop] Man, I don't know why I was so worried. These people don't know dick about what they're doing.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
Barbra Streisand's first line in her first movie was...?
A "Hello, Dolly!"
B "Hello gorgeous!"
C "Hi, I am here!"
D "Papa, can you hear me?"