Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #73

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,059 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Mayor:
Damn it! No flag! No ideas yet! Man can't crap or touch himself with these drones up ass all day and night!

Dean:
Ah, it's our conference call with Gov!

Mayor:
YOU BE QUIET!

[Mayor answers Governor's call]

Mayor:
Mayor here!

Governor:
You figure it out yet?

Dean:
Tell him these things take time.

Governor:
Who's that on this call? Is that The Dean?

Mayor:
Uh, no. No. Just Mayor. Trying to fix it.

Governor:
FIX IT! AH [hangs up]

[Governor gets a phone call from Ronald Reagan]

Ronald Reagan:
Where's that f***ing solution?

Governor:
[worried] Sir, I got my best people on it.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
Hey, Sunshine, um, uh, has my brother, uh, talked to you?

Sunshine:
Who's that?

Steve Smith:
Ugly dude, bob haircut, jagged teeth.

Sunshine:
Oh, yeah. Him.

Steve Smith:
Yeah, bet he's pushing that Hoh-Hoh kid on you, right?

Sunshine:
Oh, I Iove that little anal-mal man.

Steve Smith:
Okay, listen. Hoh-Hoh has...a little barbed penis, you know? Like a pig. It's, uh, from a surgery done in the Philippines, and you know, I think he might be from there.

Sunshine:
Oh, I know pig dick. I want no part of that. Good looking out.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Steve let his sex addicitions attract Leslie instead of planning to combine a relationship with Leslie and Billy]

Frank Smith:
So, how was she?

Steve Smith:
How was who? What? I-I don't know what you mean.

Frank:
YES! You fell right into my trap! I knew you couldn't keep your dick out out of her pants.

Steve Smith:
Where are your shoes?

Frank Smith:
This is not about me.

Steve:
Well, how's your couple?

Frank Smith:
Uh, that girl is pretty f***ed up, okay? She is into my guy.

Steve Smith's Ego:
[to Steve] Oh, god. This is looking bad, Stevie.

Frank Smith:
Huh? What was that?

Steve Smith:
Nothing. It was nothing.

Frank Smith:
YES! You're talking to yourself. You always start calling yourself "Stevie" when you lose control. I have got you on the ropes!

Steve Smith:
No. That -- No. I...I am still gonna win.

Frank Smith:
Prove it.

Steve Smith:
Well, let's up the ante. Yeah. I'll bet you anything.

Frank Smith:
Head of The History Department?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
Good breakfast? Cool. So, let's pick an idea, because I'm not sleeping in here again.

Baby Cakes:
Yeah, you're not looking so good.

[cuts to the next scene where Pony's face suddenly starts transforms into a dirty mexican in progress]

Baby Cakes:
Now I know why you want to stay in the bathroom.

Pony:
Oh, no. It's happening. I need my tweezers and retainer and a shower! I can't be in her another day! We got to agree on something now! The idea doesn't even have to be real. We just need to agree on something to get out.

Crystal:
What about how the chinese do the one-kid thing?

Pony:
Great! I vote on that! I vote.

Cravid:
Make everyone gay.

Pony:
Hold on. We already had an idea.

Kim:
Uh, what about, like, a death draft?

Crystal:
Ooh, wait. Let's get rid of all the men.

Pemsy:
We can flood the south.

Cravid:
Oh, let's do doo-doo dicks. [to himself] No. Stop. Bad idea.

Baby Cakes:
Dude, there are no such thing as bad ideas in brainstorming.

Pony:
SHUT IT, B.C.! SHUT IT, B.C.! GOD! Look, all those in favor of flooding the south, raise your hand.

[6 people raises their hand except for Baby Cakes]

Baby Cakes:
Mm, I just think that's a mean idea to do.

Pony:
No! It's just a bull [bleep] idea for us to agree on. We're not really going to do it.

Cravid:
Wait. We're not really gonna do it?

Pemsy:
Well, that changes everything.

[everyone raised their hands down]

Pony:
[groans]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
Guys, all we have to do to get out of here is come up with any one idea that we all agree on.

Pemsy:
Okay, that works.

Dr. Falgot:
Okay.

Pony:
Cool. Let's just say birth control and --

Baby Cakes:
What about lunch? We got to eat before we do any real deal thinking.

Dr. Falgot:
Y'all done Salad Palace? Ooh! Great burger.

Kim:
Uh, I can't eat from any place that prepares their food in the daytime. Otherwise, I'm cool.

Pemsy:
Oh! Maybe we could do Tapas. Let's just get a bunch of small plates and share.

Crystal:
No. We're already sharing a sh*t bucket. Leave us some dignity.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[while one of the students and teachers are still inside of the Think Tank]

Crystal:
Is this one of my ambien dreams?

Dr. Falgot:
I found a crap bucket.

Cravid:
[holding his stomach] Oh, uh-oh. I don't want to be first, but I need to be first. Chili dogs.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Matt Attack:
This damn town has too many people, and I can't get drunk anymore.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
Mayor, you got me droned along with you sorry ass. Damn thing's surveilling me 42/7.

Mayor:
Mayor knows that! You sure these are the best guys for the Think Tank?

Dean:
You can't have a team full of Babe Ruths.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
Geez, how many people can you pack into a place?

Baby Cakes:
Well, that depends on if the place has walls or not.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Frank Smith:
[to Sunshine] Hi. HEY, GIRL! Hi.

Sunshine:
Oh, hey there. Sorry. Can't get this metal goober to shoot.

Frank Smith:
Okay, look, I know a little someone who...loves you, okay? And this is a little picture of him, and I want you to f--- Just look at it.

[Sunshine sees a picture of Hoh-Hoh]

Sunshine:
Oh, my god. Look at him. I'd just love to cuddle up with that little bugger.

Frank Smith:
[chuckles] Really? Are you f***ing kidding me?

Sunshine:
Oh, he's just like a little jackrabbit I had back on the farm. Ooh! Just want to stuff him in my muffin.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Ronald Reagan:
[on phone] Gov, it's Dutch. Come up with a f***ing fix for the overpopulation problem for me. I need a real deal solution. And I'm droning your ass until I get one!

[Governor calls Mayor]

Mayor:
This a man or a woman?

Governor:
Meh! It's a man! Your Gov, and I need you to come up with a solution to the world's overpopulation problem now! And I'm droning your ass until you fix this! Ah!

[Mayor calls Dean]

Mayor:
Dean got to figure out the world's overpopulation problem! Gov got a drone up ass until mayor come up with a solution!

Dean:
Hold on, hold on. This can be fun. I'm The Dean of a college, dude. I'll put together a think tank.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Frank Smith:
Steve! I've picked my two, and I am going to win this year, brother of mine.

Pony:
Win what? Wait, what is this?

Frank Smith:
Well, bitch, every semester we pick two students for each other.

Steve Smith:
Then the first of us to get his two students to have sex wins.

Pony:
...This is gross. [leaves the room]

Baby Cakes:
Hold on! We could do chickies or we could do fishies.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
We could do chickies, or we could do fishes.

Pony:
You're indecisive about things that aren't even decisions. [to Steve] He sat in the office bathroom for at least two hours giggling.

Baby Cakes:
I can't decide between the toilet or the urinal or a pile of towels.

Pony:
People have needs! Bathroom needs.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Ronald Reagan:
Hey, America. You know how there are just too many people on the planet? Yeah, well I'm gonna do you guys a favor and come up with a real deal solution for it. That's just the kind of f***ing cowboy I am.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Ronald Reagan:
Boy-oh, these low approval ratings got me crapping silly string.

Special Agent Green:
Oh, believe me. I know, President Reagan. Uh, it's just...a steep adjustment curve. The fact that you're not dead, that you're...magically president for the rest of your life, uh...Obama's disappearance...

Ronald Reagan:
Oh, man. They should just get over it.

Special Agent Green:
Ah! God damn right. Well, it might be time to focus on a social issue.

Ronald Reagan:
Yeah, you know what irks me? There's too many damn people around.

Special Agent Green:
Well, that's a tricky one, because --

Ronald Reagan:
[to cameraman] Hit the camera, sh*t eyes!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Matt Attack:
Man, these classes are getting too full. It ruins the educational intimacy. Even your crappy brother's class is full of folks.

[cuts to the next scene where Frank's class has a bunch of students in it making ruckus]

Frank Smith:
HEY! LISTEN TO ME, YOU RAT DICKS!

Matt Attack:
It's too crowded, man.

Steve Smith:
You're right, Matt. I am the cooler brother.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Captain's Daughter:
Oh, Uncle Gabby, I thought you said I was beautiful.

Drinky Crow & Uncle Gabby:
[bowed down to her] Captain's Daughter.

Drinky Crow:
She's real. Why not mermaids?

Uncle Gabby:
Mermaids are stupid. Captain Daughter -- For you, I make and exception. Hey, here's an idea. I give you this whale-blubber sandwich, you let me kiss you in three places. I pick the places.

Captain's Daughter:
Naughty monkey. [laughs while bruising Uncle Gabby with a baseball bat]

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Uncle Gabby:
[to Drinky Crow] If it's horrible, it exists. If it's beautiful, you're imagining it.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Uncle Gabby saves Drinky Crow from drowning himself to death]

Drinky Crow:
You won't believe what I just saw, Uncle Gabby. I'm so aroused. I must kiss something. LET ME KISS YOU!

[Drinky Crow tackles Uncle Gabby to kiss him]

Uncle Gabby:
Mouth-to-mouth is strictly medical. What the hell?!

Drinky Crow:
I SAW A MERMAID!

Uncle Gabby:
Crap. Brain damage. Don't hunt me down for vengeance, Husband Whale. Caring for my gimpy-minded friend is punishment enough.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Uncle Gabby killed the female whale]

Uncle Gabby:
Uh-oh, the whale's husband! If he loved his wife at all, he'll hunt us down and mash us both dead with his awful baleen teeth.

Uncle Gabby:
They're like that, whales -- Very gigantic, very romantic.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Drinky Crow:
I wish I was dead.

Uncle Gabby:
Why would that be so great?

Drinky Crow:
Well, the pain would stop.

Uncle Gabby:
No, it wouldn't. I believe after death, we're subjected to horrible tortures...of the sexual variety.

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Phoebe:
Oh, Drinky Crow, I love you, but you have to choose between me and the drinking. Please, say something.

Drinky Crow:
[vomits his wife]

The Drinky Crow Show  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Greg and Susan Shapiro got done watching Jon's video, Susan found Jon's ski mask]

Greg DiPietro:
What are you gonna do with that?

Susan Shapiro:
You know -- And I know this is gonna sound ridiculous -- But I would like try and get it into the Smithsonian. You know, next to Archie Bunker's chair, Fonzie's jacket. For better or for worse, he was an indelible part of pop culture americana, and this mask is part of that history. [sees Jon on TV] Oh, hey -- There's the Smithsonian. [throw Jon's ski mask into the trash]

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Jon killed Sergei, Jon sent them a goodbye message to his crew that helped them along the way]

Jon:
I cannot undo all the evil that has been done, and I will not be returning to America and the life I once knew. You know, I kind of figured we'd follow me and David into hiding. That seemed like the next logical step for the show. Either that or we got to L.A. I thought that was a pretty solid option, you know. Set us up in a pretty sweet little bungalow in Venice Beach. Just kick back and reap the rewards of my celeb status. Phone call comes in from you -- "Jon, got some good news. Guess who wants to do a sitcom with you. Richard Belzer". BOOM! Jonny and The Belz! Primetime thursday nights!

Jon:
Oh, man. Well, all that's never gonna happen. Instead, I'm gonna disappear forever. You'll never find me. I guarantee it. All that's left is one final step to start the beginning of my new life.

[Jon takes off his ski mask starting his new life from now on]

Jon:
Frrrrrrrrrt! Oh, but you what -- If Richard Belzer does get in touch, you have got to find me. Do whatever you go to do to find me, because that is the only way I'd come back -- Is for The Belz. FOR THE BELZ!

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

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