Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #74

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Jon: Hey, man, I don't want to, uh, freak you out, but did you -- There's blood in your urine. Mighty Joe Jon: What?! Jon: Did you not notice that? Mighty Joe Jon: No! Should I call a doctor? Jon: I mean, I'd call a teacher. [pulls up a ketchup bottle] Schooled right back! Prank attack! Ketchup in your urine. That's a prank! Mighty Joe Jon: Hey, you know, we should talk about doing a prank show. Jon: Do not joke about that. I will do that tomorrow. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Mighty Joe Jon: David stole a car and hit a homeless guy. Jon: [gasps] Mighty Joe Jon: The homeless guy's dead. Jon: What?! Rob: Get a 20 on Susan right now. Jon: I got a to call my lawyer, right? Mighty Joe Jon: If I was you, I'd call a teacher. Jon: What? Mighty Joe Jon: 'Cause you just got schooled! PRANK! [laughs] I pranked your ass, dude! Jon: Yeah, you dick! Nice. Nice prank. Mighty Joe Jon: Dude, you should have saw the look on your face, man. Jon: Well, come on, man. I thought my son just killed a guy, you know? Give me a break. Rob: Not funny. Jon: What? Rob: That kind of screwing around isn't funny. Jon: It's a prank, man. Lighten up. It was funny. Pranks are hilarious. [to MJJ] This guy doesn't like pranks. Jon: Uh, excuse me. Excuse me. Can't flush the toilet? Mighty Joe Jon: If it's yellow, let it mellow. Jon: Right. Mr. Environment, this guy. Uh, let me drain the main vein, and we'll do this. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[as Jon and Kim were about to have sex with each other while wearing ski-masks] Jon: Go get the, uh, feed bag and the oats and ride me. Kim: No, honey. I'm not riding you with the feed bag and the oats. Jon: But that's what we're doing. Kim: No, that's not what we're doing, Jon. Jon: Yes, it is. You're Daphne, and you're gonna ride me. Kim: Daphne can ride you without the feed bag and the oats. Jon: What is the whole point of agreeing to something if, then, two seconds later, you're gonna disagree? You know what? Let's just forget it. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[as Jon was about to forgive Kim for spying on Jon's convention, Rob comes in] Rob: Guys, sorry. Don't worry. Can't see anything. I know you're getting down to some grievance sex. I just wanted to let you know that I got earplugs, so I can't hear anything. Be as loud as you like. If you need me, I'll be right outside. But otherwise, don't even worry about the fact that I'm right outside the door. [leaves] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Ryan: Last chance for Daphne to score. Kim: Yeah, I don't think Jon's interested. I was, like, dirty-dancing so hard up on him. Then he just left the dance floor, like a stuck-up jerk. Kim: [to Ryan's mustache] Ryan, you don't have to wear that while in the room. Ryan: It makes spying more exciting, okay? Don't take it out on me just because your boyfriend hates your body. Kim: Well, maybe it'll change his mind when my robe accidentally falls off. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after Jon heard that his parents were killed for real this time] Mighty Joe Jon: Jon, I'm gonna take care of everything, okay? We've got you a plane at 9:30. Jon: [sad] I'm not going anywhere. My parents are dead. And there's nothing I can do about that right now. But what I can do is I can stay here and I can win the talent show! Mighty Joe Jon: Jon... Jon: [sad] When I was 5, my Mom paid for dance classes for me, and I quit. This is my chance to pay her back for ALL THE MONEY SHE NEVER GOT TO SPEND ON ME FOR DANCING! Jon: [sadly eats a pear] THIS IS FOR MY MOM! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Kim (as Daphne): [sexy accent] Jon, this is obviously a big sex weekend. Why not just get in on the fun? Just tell your camera crew to take the tape out of the camera and flush it down the toilet. There's a great toilet in my room. Jon: Daphne, look, when it comes to relationships, I got to tell you, I'm a bit of a vegetarian. I don't eat cheap meat. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Kim: OH, MY GOD! Ryan: [mentioned Jon] He cheated. Kim: No. But Rob offered to. Ryan: I told you -- [bleep] fest! Kim: This whole thing is making me feel so sleazy. You know what? I didn't come here to be rejected by my boyfriend all weekend. Jon gave me some sex toys for Valentine's Day. Ryan: La la la! I'm not listening! Kim: I took a pass. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Kim (as Daphne) tries to seduce Jon] Jon: Uh, yeah, I'm not really signing autographs right now. Kim (as Daphne): [sexy accent] It's me -- Daphne. Jon: Uh, yeah. Daphne, um...I have a girlfriend. She may not be a 10, but she's a perfect 6. Kim (as Daphne): [sexy accent] Hey, this voice modulator's tickling my throat. I can think of one way to scratch it. Jon: Uh, yeah. I got to check in with my girlfriend. [leaves] Rob: Hey. Excuse me, Daphne. I can help you scratch that itch. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Jon: Basically, at this point, I just sort of think of the ski mask as my face. I mean, put it this way -- If, uh -- If Karl Malden can get so much tush with that schnoz, I can get laid in ski mask. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after Sergei lied about going to Idaho and heading straight to kill Jon's parents] Yvgeny: You liar! This is supposed to be brothers weekend! Sergei: Yvgeny, keep your voice down. Yvgeny: You want to kill Jon's parents? You're gonna have to shoot your way through my heart, the heart you broke when you lied to me. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Kim (as Daphne) gets a signature from Jon on his picture] Ryan: "Keep striving"? Even in his head shot, you can tell what a dick he is. Kim: I'm not his body type? That's so degrading. Ryan: Look, he might not be that attracted to you, but trust me -- He's thinking about banging somebody else. Kim: Maybe. But I'm not leaving until Jon [bleep] Daphne. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Kim (as Daphne): So, uh, how about a-a drink later? Jon: Uh... [chuckles] Look, Daphne, this is not going to the bone zone. Don't get me wrong. I see this through your eyes. I'm on tv. You like what you see, right? But see things through my eyes. [Kim (as Daphne) touches Jon's boot] Jon: Hands off, please. I'm looking at another sad, desperate groupie in a long line of desperate groupies that want to rock my rod. Look, even if I didn't have a girlfriend, honestly, you're just not my body type. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Ski Mask Woman: Are you Mighty Joe Jon? Mighty Joe Jon: The Black Blond. Ski Mask Woman: I was hoping I could talk to you about "Delocated! Chicago". Mighty Joe Jon: Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Come with me. Jon: What is "Delocated! Chicago"? Mighty Joe Jon: We're franchising the show. Buddy, you know, like "the real world". If you get killed, where does that leave me? Do a spinoff with Kim? Sorry, but nobody wants to see a show about the average-looking girlfriend of the dead guy from "Delocated!". [chuckles] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Kim disguises wearing a ski mask and vocal harmonizer to figure out what Jon's been up to] Jon: Hi. Can I help you. Kim: Oh, uh, yeah, I was just looking for...for...for your booth. [chuckles] Guess I found it. Jon: Oh, yeah. [chuckles] Kim: You must be Jon. Jon: Yeah. That, I am. And you are? Kim (as Daphne): I'm...Daphne. Jon: Well, Daphne, if, uh, you want to be in my big production number, all you got to do is ask, alright? You don't got to linger against the wall pretending to listen, like some weird psycho. [laughter] I mean, Daphne, come on. You're like, "Oh, here I am. I hope they'll notice me and ask me to be in the dance". [laughter] Jon: I don't know. You don't really have a dancer's body, so I'm guessing you're just here for the 'graph. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Jon: I just want to up the ante a little bit on my dance moves, you know. I've been doing a lot of the same routines year in, year out. You know, and they're all sexy, and I love doing that. I love sexy routines. This year, I'm gonna do more of a performance art piece, but it'll still be sexy. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Kim and Ryan go deep undercover] Kim: Do you really need to wear the mustache? Ryan: Yeah. We're spies. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Sergei: Mighty Joe Jon tells me Jon is going to convention this weekend. Yvgeny: I hear those are big [bleep] fests. Sergei: I was thinking -- Maybe you and I could take our own weekend off, have a good time. Call it "Brothers Weekend". What do you say, huh? Yvgeny: [suspicious] Why are you being so nice to me? Sergei: What? I can't want to do nice things with my brother? Yvgeny: Okay. What do you have in mind? Sergei: Oh, I don't know. I was thinking maybe we can go to...IDAHO! Yvgeny: [gasps] THE POTATO VALLEY?! FOR THE VODKA TASTINGS?! OH, MY GOD! It would be like our very own "sideways". – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Rob: Actually, I have a little bit of a request. Um, it's a little bit awkward. I know I'm new here. Uh, I imagine you guys are gonna be making love tonight. You're not gonna see each other for a couple of days. I just ask that you keep it down. You know, I stand right outside the door, and you guys...get pretty loud when you get going. So... Jon: That seems like a fair request. Kim: Are you kidding me? Jon: Kim, come on. Rob: [to Kim] No. Kim: It's hard enough having sex knowing you're standing right outside the door. Now you want me to think about being quiet? What a jerk! Get some earplugs! Jon: Okay, guys. Rob: Why don't you get some mouth plugs. Loudy. Jon: Guys. Kim: I'm sorry. What did you just say to me? Jon: Guys. Rob: I called you "Loudy". You know, 'cause you're loud. Jon: Rob, sit down. Some of the loud you're hearing is me. When you hear "AAH AAH AAH"! That's me. When you hear [high-pitch] "Aah aah aah aah"! -- That's Kim. Kim: [to Jon] Okay, well, that's enough. Rob: Kim, I apologize. I was hearing him. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Rob: Kim, I assure you it's not a sex weekend. It's a government-sanctioned event. Jon: Yeah, I mean, look, if it's gonna make you feel any better, I'll check in with you a few times a day, okay? I mean, even when I'm, uh, A-GETTIN' MY FREAK ON! [singing] Bum-bum-bah, bah-bah-bahna, bahna-bahna. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[while talking about Jon being on a talent show] Kim: Hey, honey, this sound great. I can't wait to check it out. Jon: Uh, actually, you can't go. Kim: Why not? Rob: It's members only. They're very strict about that. Kim: But... [cuts to the next scene where Kim's brother explains why Jon and Rob lied about Kim not going there] Ryan: Of course they told you that. Listen, I've gone to a lot of conventions with my siding company. These things are just big [bleep] fests. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Rob: [on phone with Susan] Mnh-mnh. I miss you more. Yeah. [chuckles] Oh baby, you got me all kinds of hotsy-totsy. Just can't wait to get out of here and go home and take a shower with you. Just a couple more hours. Alright. I love you. Jon: Hey, man, uh, you mind not talking to Susan like that in front of me? Rob: Hey, man, I need to be able to take personal calls. Jon: Hey, man, just show a little discretion. Rob: Hey, man, I have a life outside this job, you know? Jon: Hey, man, you're practically having an orgasm in front of me, okay? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Yvgeny: Orange you glad I didn't say "Vodka"? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Jon as a Dog Mayor gets tricked and caught for smoking dognip and then makes a speech about it on live television] Jon: I would also like to apologize to my constituents for lying to them. However, you should know it was my Dad who lied to me first, which caused me to lie to you, so it's his fault. And if you want to be pissed off at anyone, be pissed off at him, 'cause he deserves it. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 3 months ago

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