Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #72

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,896 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[C.A.R.R. rides on Santa's sleigh] C.A.R.R.: On, Dashiel! On, Danzig! On, Randolph! On, Blitzkrieg! On, Other Non-Copyrighted Names! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Old Stroker: Who's there? C.A.R.R.: Blow his head off, Stroke. Stroker: Hey, old man! Bet you can't hit this. [GCF saves Stroker from shooting his present-self] Ghost of Christmas Future: What the hell are you doing? Stroker: [laughs] We're ghosts! He can't hurt us. Ghost of Christmas Future: Ghosts can get shot just like everyone else. Then you're just plain dead. Stroker: [to his future self] Stop! I'm your younger self as a ghost! [pulls up a gun and shoot] That's a warning shot! My next shot will be in your chest! Ghost of Christmas Future: You idiot! The warning shot WAS in his chest! [Old Stroker dies] Stroker: Oh, crap. That's really gonna mess up the Space-Time Conten-- Continuum-- The Space-Time Plane. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Ghost of Christmas Future: Every December 25th, people drive by and throw rocks and dog [bleep] at your house. They've done it every year since you let Santa die. [GCF literally starts picking up dog poop and throwing it at Stroker's old house] Stroker: What the hell happened to my lottery money? Ghost of Christmas Future: Oh, that. You spent it all on a class action lawsuit with the world's children for letting Santa die. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Ghost of Christmas Future: You recognize where we are? Stroker: Damn. My old place is a dump. Whoever moved in after I bought the mansion sure let it go to hell. [Stroker checks the window and see his old future self couple years later] Teen Keith: Yo, Dad, give me 200 bucks. Old Stroker: So you can buy more Grizzle Bazzles. [slaps Keith] Get a damn job! And don't interrupt Dad when he's playing "Topless Hockey 3". Teen Keith: Oh, how come you're always in virtual reality? Old Stroker: Well, it's a hell of a lot better than real reality. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Ghost of Christmas Future: Yo. Stroker: Oh, uh, you must be the Ghost of Christmas Future. Ghost of Christmas Future: I'm the pool guy. Got to shut down for the night. What the hell are you talking about? Stroker: Oh, uh, I'm sorry. Ghost of Christmas Future: [laughs] I fooled you, man. Ghost of Christmas Future. [sees a envelope] Hey, is that for me? Stroker: Oh, uh, yeah. But I guess if you're from the future, you would know that. [laughs] Ghost of Christmas Future: [tired] Alright, let's get this [bleep] over with. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Ghost of Christmas Present: We're early. Tell you what. When Christmas Future gets here, can you give him something for me? [gives Stroker the same envelope that GCPast gave Present] Don't look inside. [GCPresent flips him off while leaving] Stroker: Thanks for crashing my car, jackass! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
C.A.R.R.: Santa, I see the summit. We're gonna make it! Santa: By golly, C.A.R.R., it's a miracle! C.A.R.R.: I DID IT, SANTA! I REALLY DID IT! [as C.A.R.R. and Santa were about to head to the summit, Stroker and GCPresent appears from the portal in front of them at a badly timed moment] Santa: HOLY [bleep]! [C.A.R.R. and Santa drive off the road and got hit by a tree] Ghost of Christmas Present: Oh, crap! We're not supposed to interfere. Let's get the hell out of here. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Stroker: I don't know what to say, Jermane. Ghost of Christmas Past: YOU LET ME DIE, MAN! Stroker: Yeah, like 7 years ago. [Ghost of Christmas Present arrives] Ghost of Christmas Present: Yo, Jermane, my main man. Ghost of Christmas Past: Hey, Ghost of Christmas Present. Look, man, do me a favor, and don't do this sumbtch any favors. Ghost of Christmas Present:* You got the envelope? Ghost of Christmas Past: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [gives the envelope to GCPresent] You got the digits? [GCPresent give digits to GCPast] Ghost of Christmas Past: Say hey to future for me. Stroker: Hey, Jermane! We were quite a team, weren't we buddy? Ghost of Christmas Past: Eat [bleep], Stroker. [leaves] Ghost of Christmas Present: And now let's visit your friend C.A.R.R., who right now is selflessly trying to save Christmas. [opens up a portal] Stroker: Hey is there another tunnel we can take? I don't want to get any schnapps puke on ya. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
C.A.R.R.: So, Santa, any chance you can give me a hint of what I'm getting this year? Santa: It's -- [brutally coughing] C.A.R.R.: Don't open your mouth, Santa. You'll only lose more blood. Hey! Hey! Maybe you could act out the present, like charades. [Santa then coughs blood on C.A.R.R.'s screen] C.A.R.R.: Ok, maybe later. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[after Jermane got shot in the past scene] Jermane: Stroker. Tell my wife, I love her. Young Stroker: I will, man. [Jermane dies] Young Stroker: I'm so sorry, buddy. I should have told you I borrowed your gun clip this morning. I don't know what to say. It just totally slipped my mind. Ghost of Christmas Past: [to Stroker] You asshole! Stroker: Well, you were always bragging about being so prepared. I -- I just figured you had a spare in your pocket or something, I don't know. Ghost of Christmas Past: You killed me! [after Jermane dies, he then became a ghost] Jermane: Hey, man, what the hell is going on? Ghost of Christmas Past: [to Jermane] You're not supposed to see us. Just keep flying into the light. [sees Young Stroker calling somebody] Ghost of Christmas Past: Wait a minute. What -- What are you doing now? Stroker: Calling 911. Come on, let's get out of here. Young Stroker: Hey, Martha, it's Stroker. I have some terrible news about Jermane. But first the good news. We can stop sneaking around behind his back. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Young Stroker peeing in the bush] Young Stroker: [to a female dog owner] Ah, would he care to join me? [laughs] Just kidding. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Ghost of Christmas Past: I'm here to take you back to that fateful day 7 years ago, when your partner was shot and your life changed forever. Stroker: You really want to watch yourself get shot? Ghost of Christmas Past: I'm doing it to save your soul, Stroker. I'm The Ghost of Christmas Past now. Stroker: Come on, J, screw my soul. Let's go get [bleep] faced together. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Ghost of Christmas Past: Yo, Stroker, Stroker! Wake up! Stroker: [wakes up] Hey. Hey, man. Can you get me a beer? Charge it to Room 331. Thanks, bro. Ghost of Christmas Past: 7 years, and you haven't changed a bit, Stroker? Stroker: Jermane? Jermane Washington, my old partner? Stroker & Jermane: Jermane and Stroker, back in action! [laughs] Stroker: Dude, you're dead. Ghost of Christmas Past: No [bleep], man. I'm a ghost now. Stroker: I'm so sorry about the accident. Not a day goes by I don't think about it. Ghost of Christmas Past: Yeah, well, what you gonna do? My gun jammed. I must not have cleaned it well enough. Yeah, that was the irony, wasn't it? I was the one who was always prepared. Stroker: Yeah. Yeah, I guess. So, uh, what are you doing here? [realizes] OH, NO! Dammit! I drowned in the hot tub, didn't I? Win the lottery, then get drunk and drown in the damn hot tub. Nice going, Stroker? You are stupid sometimes. Ghost of Christmas Past: Shut the hell up. You're still alive. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Stroker: [on phone] Yo, lottery winner, here. C.A.R.R.: Oh, Stroker, thank god. You have to come back tonight and solve Santa's case so he can deliver presents. Stroker: I can't believe you're bothering me with this Santa crap on Christmas Eve. C.A.R.R.: It's true! He showed me photos of him and the elves and everything. Stroker: Sounds like Santa had some ripple on the walk over. If he passes out, turn him on his side so he doesn't choke on his vomit. Or better yet, drag him next door to the peaches. C.A.R.R.: But, Stroker, what about-- [Stroker hangs up] Stroker: [to Hoop] Some drunk mall santa got stuck with a needle, probably by his dealer. Wanted me to solve the case for free, if you can believe that crap. Hoop: And you said no? Stroker: There's no such thing as Santa, Hoop. Hoop: Well, he is still a human being! Stroker: And? Hoop: And it's Christmas, you Scrooge! Stroker: Scrooge? Who the hell's paying for your vacation? Hoop: I meant Scrooge in the "Bah, Humbug" sense, not in the "Good with money" sense. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
C.A.R.R.: Santa! Santa! Over here! Santa: Well! Hello there, C.A.R.R. C.A.R.R.: How are you holding up, big guy? Santa: [vomits] Oh, ho, fine, fine. Thanks for asking. C.A.R.R.: I think what Stroker is doing to you is despicable. Santa: Oh, I'm not worried for myself. It's the children. Their presents will be stuck at the North Pole. C.A.R.R.: You're the real Santa Claus? Stroker said you were a wino. Santa: [offended] – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Santa reads a note on Stroker's door] Stroker: [narrating] Hey, Big S, something came up, so I had to go. And besides, there is no f'n way I can solve this mystery in 24 hours. Ah, maybe your elves know an antidote. Your pal, big S number two. P.S. If the reindeer come, please carve them. [laughs] But, ah, seriously, you can help yourself to the booze in the fridge. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Narrator: Stroker may have lied about a lot of things, but not the snowstorm. It was the worst blizzard to hit southern California in 100 years. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
C.A.R.R.: What's Hoop doing in that monstrosity? Stroker: There's a blizzard coming. We need a 4-wheel drive. C.A.R.R.: Why? We have perfectly good snow chains in the garage. I'll help you untangle them. I don't want to be alone on Christmas. Just give me a tow, then. I'm not proud. Hoop: Merry Christmas, C.A.R.R.! [Stroker and Hoop leaves] C.A.R.R.: Those bastards. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
C.A.R.R.: I can't believe you're going skiing instead of saving Santa. Stroker: Shut up, C.A.R.R. Keith: Dad, I thought you said you were gonna help Santa? Stroker: Listen, buddy, you think your Dad would drive up to a fancy ski lodge instead of saving Santa Claus? Keith: Yeah. Stroker: Of course not. He's going to the North Pole to investigate the men who hurt Santa. In fact, he's leaving Santa a not right now about some important leads. With some cookies. Stroker: Don't read Santa's mail, Keith. Keith: Ok. Stroker: Sorry Dad can't be with you tomorrow, but he has to save Christmas. I'll tell you what, I'll make it up by buying you something really expensive when I get back, ok? [Stroker sees Angel getting ready to get Keith at her car] Stroker: Remember what I said about a reward for not telling Mommy about the lottery. [laughs] Ok, attaboy. [Hoop arrives in a big truck] Hoop: Hey, Stroke, ready to hit the slopes? Stroker: Hell, yes! [Keith looked at Stroker with a gasped face] Stroker: The slopes of Santa's Workshop! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Lotto Announcer: [on TV] And now for today's winning numbers -- 3, 25, 49... Stroker: Hold on a sec. Did she say 3-25-49? Quiet, Santa, I can't hear the tv. That can't be right. Coroner Rick, check my ticket. [Coroner Rick checks the lotto ticket] Coroner Rick: Oh, my god! Stroker just won the lottery, and he got to share the moment with his best friend. Stroker: Yeah, this is awesome! You guys can all go [bleep] yourselves 'cause I just won! Awesome! Yeah! This is gonna be the best christmas ever! [sees Santa still around] Stroker: Sorry, Santa. [quietly] Yes! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Coroner Rick: Good news on your tox screen, Santa. Negative for all known poisons. Santa: Oh, ho, thank goodness! Coroner Rick: The bad news is we found an unidentified drug that looks like a new slow-acting designer poison. Santa: Is there any way to create an antidote? Coroner Rick: Absolutely. We'll just need to biopsy the brain and the liver to confirm the diagnosis once you're dead. Isolate the compound, test it on some rats, and in a few years, we'll almost certainly have an antidote. [laughs] Oh, you mean for you. Ooh, of course. I'm sorry. No. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Stroker saves Santa] Stroker: Enough with the moaning. You're in pain. We get it. Santa: I can't believe you're bringing me here. Stroker: Hey, Santa, if you're so finicky about your hospital, get insurance. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Mall Cop: Drop the weapon! Stroker: [shows his badge] John Strockmeyer, Private Investigator. Mall Cop: I said drop it, asshole! Stroker: Chill, man. Private Investigator, Trumps Mall Cop. Mall Cop: This is your last warning! Stroker: Why don't you go check to see if anyone's parked in the loading zone at Urban Outfit-- [Stroker gets pepper sprayed] Stroker: Oh, my eyes! My eyes! [Stroker then gets beat up from a Mall Cop] Mall Cop: And for future reference, the parking lot speed limit is 5! [kicks Stroker 5 times] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Narrator: You know, Christmas time can have a funny way of looking like any other time around our little valley. Today, for instance, beautiful Christmas Eve morning. You would have never guessed from looking at the responsibility for saving Christmas was about to fall on one man. [transitions to the next scene to a Family Man] Narrator: Oh, I wish it was him. Strong, brave, pillar of the community, but no. [pans the camera at Stroker] It was this guy. – Stroker and Hoop Movie Quote	added 4 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

The Web's Largest Resource for

Famous Quotes & Sayings

A Member Of The STANDS4 Network

Browse Quotes.net

#A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Random New Quotes

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

Who said: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking."?

A Mark Zuckerberg

B James Cameron

C Nelson Mandela

D Steve Jobs