Wikidude's Quotes Page #365

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Jake:
Stuff never goes back in the box the way it came out.

Charlie:
That's a life lesson, Jake.

Two and a Half Men, Season 4  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Rose:
How could you have a Christmas party and not invite me?

Charlie:
This isn't a Christmas party.

Rose:
Well, what do you call it?

Charlie:
The beginning of a news story that ends with the phrase "He then turned the gun on himself".

Two and a Half Men, Season 4  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Alan:
Jake can hear you two in bed.

Judith:
Oh, God... oh god...

Herb:
He didn't hear THAT.

Two and a Half Men, Season 4  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

[Herb invites Alan and Charlie to Ladies'Night at the Sand Dollar]

Herb:
What do you say, Alan? You can get in for half price. Plus, all-you-can-eat popcorn shrimp.

Alan:
Wow, this just keeps getting better and better, huh? Uh, no, I have other plans.

Herb:
[unaware that he's going to meet Judith] Oh, got a date?

Charlie:
[sarcastically] Yeah, Alan, you got a date?

Alan:
No, no. A date? PFFT! Not likely. [fake laugh] [to Charlie] No, I have a meeting with the, about the- about the group. I told you, remember?

Charlie:
[jokingly] No, tell me again.

Alan:
[to Herb] He's a little pickled. [back to Charlie] Uh, well, if you must know, uh, I-I belong to a book club that I am going to.

Charlie:
Oh, that's right. What book are you reading again?

Alan:
It-It's a mystery, uh, called, "Why Are You Doing This to Me?"

Charlie:
Oh, yeah. It's by the same guy who wrote "Because It Amuses Me".

Herb:
Boy, I wouldn't have had you two pegged as readers.

Alan:
Well, there you go. Good night. [leaves]

Herb:
[before leaving] Hey, Alan?

Alan:
[stops] Yeah?

Herb:
You talk much to Judith?

Alan:
[scared, but lies] Nope. See you.

Herb:
Oh, well, if you speak to her, tell her I said hi.

Alan:
Okay.

Herb:
And that the time we spent together is very special to me and if she needs anything, uh, just call me.

Alan:
I'm there.

Charlie:
You know what's a good book? [both Alan and Herb listen to him] "Under the Dining-Room Table", by Richard Gobbler.

[long pause]

Alan:
But-But, it does not compare to "Wait Till Your Liver Fails" by Hope Udai.

Two and a Half Men, Season 6  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Melissa:
[To Berta, Evelyn and Charlie] You should be ashamed of yourselves. This (Alan) is a warm and wonderful human being and he deserves more, especially from his family. I don't even know why you guys showed up tonight.

Berta:
Well, I can't speak for anybody else, but I'm getting overtime.

Two and a Half Men, Season 6  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Melissa's Mother:
You know, I did spend a summer in Yosemite doing 'shrooms, so maybe I wasn't an official forest ranger.

Two and a Half Men, Season 6  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Charlie:
[to Rose] So you actually wanna be with him?

Rose:
[replies back to Charlie] I do.

Charlie:
[to Alan] And you believe she's got no ulterior motive whatsoever?

Alan:
[replies back to Charlie] I do.

Charlie:
[to both of them] Fine. I now pronounce you fruit basket & nutcase! May God have mercy on your souls.

Two and a Half Men, Season 6  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Courtney:
Hi, grandma.

Charlie:
grandma? I thought you were in The Movies.

Courtney:
I was, but I'm in. Wanna go to Vegas?

Charlie:
You in luck? I'm in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Last time we were together you kind of ripped me off.

Courtney:
I haven't had sex in three years.

Charlie:
Hello, everybody.

Two and a Half Men, Season 8  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Harper:
For every gorgeous woman out there, there's a guy who's tired of banging her.

Two and a Half Men, Season 8  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mackelroy:
Before we go any further, I'd like to take something off the table.

Harper:
What?

Mackelroy:
My ass.

Two and a Half Men, Season 8  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

[After Jake and Eldridge almost injure themselves in the shopping cart stunt]

Alan:
Do you realize how lucky you are? You could have broken your necks.

Jake:
There were precautions.

Alan:
You flew off the roof! In a shopping cart! What precautions?

Eldridge:
We were trying to land in the ocean.

Alan:
You missed it by a hundred yards!

Two and a Half Men, Season 8  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mark Lily:
You know that time when you just moved to the city? And you take the first apartment you find on CraigsList with some dude you never expected? That's where my story begins.

Ugly Americans  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

[At a natural disasters shoot.]

Betty:
There is no one here who cares about changing the inside. They only care about fixing the outside.

Wilhelmina:
What's stumpy up to now?

Betty:
This concealer here, this isn't gonna change the fact that she doesn't have a house. And this, this eyeliner isn't going to bring back the people you loved. These women have lost everything and there is not enough styling gel in here to change that! [walks off]

Sheila:
You know what, she's right. There's not enough styling gel.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Amanda:
Hey, what's different about you? You get your hair cut?

Betty:
I'm wearing an eyepatch.

Amanda:
You didn't always have that?

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Amanda:
I haven't gained that much weight. You can't even notice. [leans over the desk to answer the phone as Wilhelmina walks in]

Wilhelmina:
Morning, Marc, Betty.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Amanda:
[about Fey] I just stare at her picture all day and then I stare at myself in the mirror.

Marc:
More than usual?

Amanda:
Yeah.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Henry:
Pretend you're a hero in an action film.

Betty:
Mexicans don't have action heroes, Henry. We have a speedy little mouse.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Marc:
Aw, are you playing "Papa Can You Hear Me" again?

Amanda:
I'm just spending some quality time with my dads. Today I'm feeling particularly close to Jimmy "Jay Jay" Walker. Dynamite.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Wilhelmina:
I'm Wilhelmina Slater and I don't get wet.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

[Claire knocks Wilheimina into an open grave.]

Claire:
All those in favour of removing Wilhelmina Slater as Creative Director at Mode, say "aye."

Daniel and Alexis:
"Aye."

Claire:
Motion passed. Rest in peace, bitch.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Christina:
[referring to a model] She won't come out of her dressing room unless she gets some booze or drugs.

Daniel:
Did she mention anything about God?

Christina:
Yeah, she spoke about Him. She said "God, I need some booze or drugs!"

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Wilhelmina:
If I ate lunch, now would be the time to lose it.

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Marc:
I'm sorry Wili, but... she makes me feel tingly where no other girl has ever made me feel tingly!

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

'Amanda at Charlie's Baby Shower' Amanda:
Why's everyone so fat at this party?

Ugly Betty, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
In which movie does this quote appear: "Long live the King" ?
A Arthur the King
B Four Kings
C The Lion King
D The King and Four Queens