Supernatural

[Dean falls on top of Sam as they sneak through a half open window]

Dean Winchester:
Oh, sorry!

Sam Winchester:
OK, be quiet.

Dean Winchester:
Me be quiet? You be quiet!

Dean Winchester:
I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it!

Dean Winchester:
Ugh, the thought of him driving my car.

Sam Winchester:
Oh, come on.

Dean Winchester:
It's killing me!

Sam Winchester:
Let it go.

Sam Winchester:
Dean, there's ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we've ever hunted.

Dean Winchester:
You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!

Sam Winchester:
Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?

Dean Winchester:
[Looking at the haunted hotel] We might even run into Fred and Daphne inside. Mmmm... Daphne. Love her.

Dean Winchester:
Come on man. I know Sam, ok? Better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. I mean the guy feels guilty searching the internet for porn.

Dean Winchester:
I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

Dean Winchester:
We know a little about a lot of things; just enough to make us dangerous.

Dean Winchester:
[Sam points to a word carved into a telephone pole] Croatoan?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah. [Dean stares blankly] Roanoke... lost colony... ring a bell? Dean, did you pay any attention in history class?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah. Shot heard 'round the world, how bills become laws...

Sam Winchester:
That's not school; that's schoolhouse rock!

Dean Winchester:
Ya' know she could be faking.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick?

[Dean nods]

Sam Winchester:
Dude, you're not gonna poke her with a stick!

Dean Winchester:
Damn cops.

Sam Winchester:
They were just doing their job.

Dean Winchester:
No, they were doing our job, only they don't know it so they suck at it.

Dean Winchester:
I like him, he says okie dokie.

Sam Winchester:
Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.

Dean Winchester:
What are you talking about, I eat.

Dean Winchester:
What's a P.A.?

Sam Winchester:
I think it's kinda like a slave.

McG:
Marty, what do you think?

Martin:
Not married to salt, what do you want? still sticking with condiments?

McG:
Just sounds different, not better. What else would a ghost be scared of?

Walter Dixon:
Aww, ya gotta be kidding me.

Martin:
[Aside] What would a ghost be scared of? [to McG] Maybe shotguns.

McG:
K, that makes even less sense than salt.

Sam Winchester:
Why'd you let me fall asleep?

Dean Winchester:
Because I am an awesome brother. What did you dream about?

Sam Winchester:
Lollipops and candycanes.

Dean Winchester:
This looks like a zombie pen, Sammy.

Sam Winchester:
Well, before we go stabbing things into Cooper, we're gonna wanna make damn sure it's him.

Dean Winchester:
You're such a stickler for details, Sammy.

Bobby Singer:
[Beloved favorite saying] Idjits!

Sam Winchester:
Bon Jovi?

Dean Winchester:
Bon Jovi rocks... on occasion.

[repeated line]

Bobby Singer:
Balls!

Dean Winchester:
[Repeated line] Son of a b*tch!

Dean Winchester:
[Repeated line] Awesome.

Dean Winchester:
[Repeated line] Okay.

Ed Zeddmore:
I've waited all my life for this. Amazon me, b*tches.

Dean Winchester:
I will shoot you... b*tches.

Dean Winchester:
You know what video would have gone viral, if we still had it? When you were five and got dressed up as Batman and jumped off the shed 'cause you thought you could fly.

Sam Winchester:
After you jumped first.

Dean Winchester:
Hey, I was nine, and was dressed up as Superman. okay? Everybody knows Batman can't fly.

Sam Winchester:
Well, I didn't know that. I broke my arm.

Dean Winchester:
I know you did. Man, I drove you to the E.R. on my handlebars.

Dean Winchester:
[to Deputy Norwood] So, you're Thinman, huh? That would make sense if it didn't look like you just ate a fat camp.

Harry Spangler:
Oh. The Winchesters. Yay.

Ed Zeddmore:
Says nobody.

Harry Spangler:
Ever.

Harry Spangler:
What we have here is a, uh... It's a... looks like a formation of... sticks in the shape of a... pile.

Dean Winchester:
So. How did you two meet? Whackjob.com?

Dean Winchester:
Harry, you okay?

Harry Spangler:
Yeah. I mean- no. You roll with a guy so many years you start to think he's always going to be next to you. Like when you're old, drinking on the porch, there'll be another rocking chair. Then something happens, and you realize that other chair is... gone. Empty. You know what I mean?

Voicemail:
You have reached the voice mailbox of...

Castiel:
[heard on record] I don't understand... why does it want my name?

Castiel:
[Castiel appears in the motel room] I got your message. It was long your message. I find the sound of your voice grating.

Sam Winchester:
What's wrong with you?

[Castiel stands wobbly]

Sam Winchester:
Are you... drunk?

Castiel:
No! Yes.

Sam Winchester:
What the hell happened to you?

Castiel:
I found a liquor store.

Sam Winchester:
And?

Castiel:
And I drank it!

Dean Winchester:
[Dean arrives to the motel room with bloody hands] Paul's dead.

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
Jane shot him.

Castiel:
It's starting.

Dean Winchester:
What's starting? Where the hell you been?

Castiel:
[shoots an angry glare at Dean] On a bender!

Dean Winchester:
He's... did you say on a bender?

Sam Winchester:
Yea. He's still pretty smashed.

Castiel:
It is not of import.

Dean Winchester:
You're not the first prophet we've met. But you are the cutest.

Sam Winchester:
No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.

Sam Winchester:
Leah is not a real prophet.

Dean Winchester:
Well, what is she, exactly?

Castiel:
The whore.

Dean Winchester:
Wow, Cas, tell us what you really think.

Castiel:
She rises when Lucifer walks the earth. "And she shall come, bearing false prophecy." This creature has the power to take a human's form, read minds. Book of Revelation calls her "the Whore of Babylon."

Dean Winchester:
Well thats catchy.

Castiel:
It's starting.

Dean Winchester:
That's starting,where the hell have you been?

Castiel:
On a Bender.

Dean Winchester:
Did he... Did you say on a bender?

Sam Winchester:
Ya he's still pretty smashed.

Castiel:
The whore can only be killed by a true servant of heaven.

Dean Winchester:
Servant like...

Castiel:
Not you. Or me. Sam of course is an abomination. We'll have to find someone else.

Dean Winchester:
What about the demons attacking the town?

Castiel:
They're under her control.

Dean Winchester:
And the ennochian exorcism?

Castiel:
Fake. It actually means, "You... um... breed with the mouth of a goat."

[Sam and Dean give Castiel a weird look]

Castiel:
It's funnier in ennochian.

Castiel:
[Castiels' voice mail] I don't understand why, why do you want me to say my name?

Castiel:
I got your message. It was long, your message. And I find the sound of your voice grating.

Sam Winchester:
Whats wrong with you? Are you... drunk?

Castiel:
No!... Yes.

Sam Winchester:
What the Hell happened to you?

Castiel:
I found a liquor store.

Sam Winchester:
And?

Castiel:
I drank it. Why'd you call me?

Sam Winchester:
Whoa. There you go. Easy. You okay?

Castiel:
Don't ask stupid questions.

Kevin Tran:
Mom! You've got to stop drowning me in holy water every time I go out!

Crowley:
It's all very West Side Story, but let's be logical. You look like hell, and I should know.

Benny:
I lie. I don't get lied to.

Dean Winchester:
What the Hell happened? Back there. Purgatory. I told you I would get you out. We were there! It's like you just gave up. It's like you didn't believe we could do it. I mean, you kept saying that you didn't think it would work. Did you not trust me?

Castiel:
Dean...

Dean Winchester:
I did everything I could to get you out! Everything. [pause] I did *not* leave you.

Castiel:
So you think this was your fault?

Castiel:
Everything isn't your responsibility. Getting me out of Purgatory wasn't your responsibility...

Dean Winchester:
You *didn't* get out. So, whose fault was it?

Castiel:
It's not about fault. It's about will. Dean, do you really not remember?

Dean Winchester:
I lived it, Cas. Kay? I *know* what happened.

Castiel:
No. No, you think you know. You remembered it the way you needed to.

Dean Winchester:
Look, I don't need to feel like Hell for failing you. Okay? For failing you like I failed every other God forsaken thing that I care about! I don't need it!

Castiel:
Dean. Just look at it. *Really* look at it. [He touches Dean's forehead. Dean remembers climbing through the portal and grabbing Cas' hand. But, he now remembers that he didn't let Cas fall but that Cas pulled away] See, it wasn't that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me because I didn't want to be saved.

Dean Winchester:
[In disbelief] What the Hell you talkin' about?

Castiel:
It's where I belonged. I needed to do penance. After the things I did on Earth and in Heaven, I didn't deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. I... I planned to stay all along. I just didn't know how to tell you. You can't save everyone, my friend. You try.

Sam Winchester:
[Walking up] Everything okay?

Castiel:
Yes. Just setting a few things straight.

Sam Winchester:
[Sam opens Christmas present from Dean]

Sam Winchester:
Skin mags!

Sam Winchester:
[opens the next package]

Sam Winchester:
and... shaving cream!

Dean Winchester:
You fudging touch me agian I'll fudging kill you!

Sam Winchester:
Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Clause.

Dean Winchester:
What'd Bobby say?

Sam Winchester:
Uh, that we're morons.

Dean Winchester:
Find anything?

Sam Winchester:
Stockings, mistletoe, this...[hands Dean the tooth]

Dean Winchester:
A tooth? Where was this?

Sam Winchester:
In the chimney.

Dean Winchester:
Chimney? No way a man fits up a chimney, it's too narrow.

Sam Winchester:
No way he fits up in one piece.

Dean Winchester:
So, was I right? Is it the serial killing chimney sweep?

Sam Winchester:
Yup. It's, uh, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.

Dean Winchester:
Who?

Sam Winchester:
Mary Poppins?

Dean Winchester:
Who's that?

Sam Winchester:
Oh come on... Nevermind.

Dean Winchester:
So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?

Sam Winchester:
Actually, I have an idea.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah. It's gonna sound crazy...

Dean Winchester:
What could you possibly say that sounds crazy to me?

Sam Winchester:
Um... Evil Santa.

Dean Winchester:
...Yeah, that's crazy.

Dean Winchester:
What are we looking for again?

Sam Winchester:
Um, lore says that the Anti-Claus will walk with a limp and smell like sweets.

Dean Winchester:
Great, so we're looking for a pimp Santa. Why the sweets?

Sam Winchester:
Think about it, Dean. If you smell like candy, the kids will come closer, you know?

Dean Winchester:
That's creepy.

Dean Winchester:
Wreaths, huh? You sure you didn't want to ask about her shoes? You know, I saw some nice handbags in the foyer...

Sam Winchester:
We've seen that wreath beore, Dean.

Dean Winchester:
Where?

Sam Winchester:
The Walshes. Yesterday.

Dean Winchester:
[trying to cover] ...I know... I was just testing you.

Dean Winchester:
[re: Meadowsweet] Why would someone be using that as Christmas wreaths?

Sam Winchester:
You know, it's not as crazy as it sounds, Dean. I mean, pretty much every Christmas tradition *is* Pagan.

Dean Winchester:
Christmas is Jesus's birthday.

Sam Winchester:
No, Jesus's birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the winter solstice festival that was co-opted by the church and renamed Christmas. But I mean the yule log, the tree, even Santa's red suit is all remnants of Pagan worship.

Dean Winchester:
How do you know that? What are you going to tell me next, the Easter Bunny's Jewish?

Dean Winchester:
So all these Martha Stewart wannabes buying these fancy wreaths...

Sam Winchester:
Yup, it pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door saying "come kill us".

Dean Winchester:
So you think we're dealing with a pagan god?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, probably Hold McCar, god of the winter solstice. [reading from a book]

Sam Winchester:
Huh. When you sacrifice to Hold McCar, guess what he gives you in return?

Dean Winchester:
Lap dances, hopefully.

Dean Winchester:
Remember that wreath dad brought home that one year?

Sam Winchester:
You mean the one he stole from, like, a liquor store?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, it was a bunch of empty beer cans. [laughs]

Dean Winchester:
That thing was great.

Dean Winchester:
[Madge cuts Dean's arm] You b*tch!

Madge Carrigan:
[stands up and looks offended] Oh, my goodness me! Somebody owes a nickel to the swear jar. Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? Fudge.

Dean Winchester:
[stares at her incredulously] I'll try an remember that.

Edward Carrigan:
Now open wide, and say "ah". [Edward sticks a pair of plyers in Dean's mouth, preparing to pull out a tooth. The doorbell rings, and everyone freezes]

Dean Winchester:
[with pliers in his mouth] Is somebody gonna get that? [the Carrigans look at each other. The doorbell rings again]

Dean Winchester:
[with pliers still in his mouth] You should get that.

Madge Carrigan:
You little thing, I loved that tree!

Crowley:
Mr. Pendleton, I presume? The name's Crowley.

Mr. Pendleton:
[uncertain] In my negotiations I was, uh, dealing with a very young, attractive young lady...

Crowley:
Yes, I know. But you, piggy-banker, you... are a big fish. And I wanted to do you the honor of sealing this deal personally.

Mr. Pendleton:
She said the deal would be sealed with a kiss.

Crowley:
[smiling] That's right.

Mr. Pendleton:
No, I mean she's... I don't...

Crowley:
Your choice. You can cling to six decades of deep-seated homophobia, or, just give it up, and get a complete bail-out of your bank's *ridiculous* incompetence.

Mr. Pendleton:
There are just things that I...

Crowley:
Going once...

Mr. Pendleton:
No, I don't think so...

Crowley:
Going twice...

Mr. Pendleton:
[snarls] All right! All right.

[Crowley pulls him into a kiss, Pendleton squirms; Castiel comes into view behind a pillar]

Castiel:
[into cell] Got him.

Castiel:
The demon Crowley is making a deal. Even as we speak, it's... going... down.

Dean Winchester:
"Going down?" Right. Okay, Huggy-Bear. Just don't lose him.

Castiel:
I won't lose him.

Mr. Pendleton:
[to Crowley] Damn you.

[walks away]

Crowley:
Enjoy the obscene wealth! See you in ten years.

[He walks off, Castiel following; they vanish]

Castiel:
[outside Crowley's hideout] I followed him. It's not far, but... it's layered in Enochian warding magic. I can't get in.

Dean Winchester:
That's okay. You did great. We'll take it from here.

Sam Winchester:
It's Crowley, right?

Crowley:
So, the Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough. [he approaches, looks down at the rug, turns it up to find the Devil's Trap painted underneath] Do you have any idea how much this rug cost? [demons come up from behind and restrain the brothers; Crowley holds up the Colt] This is it, right? This is what it's all about. [raises the gun, shoots the two demons holding them; the brothers look at each other in confusion] We need to talk. Privately.

Dean Winchester:
What the hell is this?

Crowley:
Do you know how deep I could have buried this thing? There's no reason you or anyone should know this even exists at all. Except that I told you.

Sam Winchester:
*You* told us?

Crowley:
Rumors. Innuendo. Sent out on the grapevine.

Sam Winchester:
Why? Why tell us anything?

Crowley:
[pointing the Colt at Dean] I want you, to take this thing to Lucifer, and empty it into his face.

Dean Winchester:
Uh-huh. Okay, and why, exactly would *you* want the Devil dead?

Crowley:
[putting the Colt down] It's called survival. But I forgot, you two at best are functional morons.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, you're functioning morons... more.

Crowley:
Lucifer isn't a demon. Remember? He's an angel, an angel famous for his hatred of humankind. To him you're just filthy bags of pus. That's the way he feels about *you*. What can he think about us?

Sam Winchester:
But he *created* you.

Crowley:
To him we're just servants. Cannon fodder. If Lucifer manages to exterminate humankind, we're next. So. Help me. Huh? Let's all go back to simpler, better times, back to when we could all follow our natures! I'm in *sales*, damn it. So what do you say? What if I give you this thing, and you go kill the Devil? [he holds out the Colt, Sam hesitantly takes it]

Sam Winchester:
Okay.

Crowley:
[grinning] Great.

Sam Winchester:
You wouldn't happen to know where the Devil *is*, perchance, would you?

Crowley:
Thursday... Birdies tell me he has an appointment in Carthage, Missouri.

Sam Winchester:
Great. Thanks. [he puts the Colt to Crowley's head, pulls the trigger, nothing happens]

Crowley:
Oh yeah, right, you probably need some more ammunition.

Dean Winchester:
Uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kinda signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the Devil and lose?

Crowley:
Number one, he's gonna wipe us all out anyway, two, after you leave here I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere, and three, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS, OKAY? MORONS! [tosses Dean a bag of ammo, vanishes]

Dean Winchester:
You know, trap or no trap, if we got a snowball's chance we gotta take it, right?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, I suppose.

Dean Winchester:
'Sides, I'm not sure it is a trap. Check it out, I mean Carthage is lit up like a Christmas tree with revelation omens. And, look at this. There's been six missing persons reported in town since Sunday. I think the Devil's there.

Sam Winchester:
Okay.

Dean Winchester:
But if we think about it, you can't come with.

Sam Winchester:
Dean.

Dean Winchester:
Look, I go against Satan and screw the pooch. Okay, we've lost a game piece, that we can take. But if you're there, then we are handing the Devil's vessel right over to him. That's not smart.

Sam Winchester:
Since when have we ever done anything smart?

Dean Winchester:
I'm serious, Sam.

Sam Winchester:
So am I! Now have we learned a damn thing? If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it *together*.

Dean Winchester:
Okay. But it's a stupid freakin' idea.

Bobby Singer:
Everybody, get in here. It's time for the line-up. Usual suspects, in the corner.

Ellen Harvelle:
Oh come on, Bobby, nobody wants their picture taken.

Sam Winchester:
Hear hear.

Bobby Singer:
Shut up, you're drinkin' my beer. Anyway, I'm gonna need somethin' to remember your sorry asses by.

Ellen Harvelle:
Ha, always good to have an optimist around.

Castiel:
Bobby's right.

[Dean looks at him]

Castiel:
Tomorrow we hunt the Devil. This is our last night on Earth.

[the picture snaps]

[Castiel is trapped in a ring of holy fire]

Castiel:
Lucifer.

Lucifer:
So I take it you're here with the Winchesters?

Castiel:
I came alone.

Lucifer:
Loyalty. Hm. Such a nice quality to see in this day and age. Castiel, right? [Castiel nods] Castiel, I'm told you came here in an automobile.

Castiel:
Yes...

Lucifer:
What was that like?

Castiel:
Um... slow. Confining.

Lucifer:
What a peculiar thing you are. [Castiel notices lesions on Lucifer's face]

Castiel:
What's wrong with your vessel?

Lucifer:
Yes, um. Nick is wearing a bit thin, I'm afraid. He can't contain me forever, so...

Castiel:
[angry] You... [starts forward, remembers the holy fire] You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won't let you.

Lucifer:
Castiel. I don't understand why you're fighting *me*, of all the angels.

Castiel:
You really have to ask?

Lucifer:
I rebelled, I was cast out, you rebelled, you were cast out. Almost all of Heaven wants to see me dead and if they succeed guess what? You're their new public enemy number one. We're on the same side, like it or not, so, why not just serve your own best interests which in this case just happen to be mine.

Castiel:
I'll die first.

Lucifer:
I suppose you will.

Dean Winchester:
[over radio] Bobby, it's Dean. We got problems.

Bobby Singer:
It's okay boy, that's why I'm here. Is everyone all right?

Dean Winchester:
[shaky] No. Uh, it's, it, it's Jo, Bobby it's pretty bad.

Bobby Singer:
Okay, copy that. So now we figure what we do next.

Dean Winchester:
Bobby I don't think she's...

Bobby Singer:
I said, what do we do next, Dean?

Dean Winchester:
Right. Okay, right.

Bobby Singer:
Now, tell me what you got.

Bobby Singer:
Before he went missing, did Cas say how many reapers?

Dean Winchester:
I don't, I don't know, he said a lot of things I guess, I mean does the number matter?

Bobby Singer:
Devil's in the details, Dean.

[Ellen nudges Dean, he holds out the radio for her]

Ellen Harvelle:
Bobby it's Ellen. The way he was looking, the number of places Castiel's eyes went, I'd say we're talkin' over a dozen reapers, probably more.

Bobby Singer:
I do not like the sound of that.

Dean Winchester:
Nobody likes the sound of that, Bobby, but... what, what does that sound *like*?

Bobby Singer:
It sounds like Death, son. I think Satan's in town to work a ritual. I think he's planning to unleash Death.

Dean Winchester:
You mean like as in, this dude and taxes are the only sure thing?

Bobby Singer:
As in *Death*, the Horseman, the Pale Rider in the flesh.

Dean Winchester:
Unleash, I mean, hasn't Death been trompin' all over the place, I mean hell I've died several times myself!

Bobby Singer:
Not this guy, this is, this is the Angel of Death! Big Daddy Reaper. They keep this guy chained in a box six hundred feet under. Last time they hauled him up, Noah was buildin' a boat. That's why the place is crawlin' with reapers. They're waitin' on the big boss to show.

Bobby Singer:
The Angel of Death must be brought into this world at midnight, through a place of awful carnage. Now back during the Civil War there was a battle in Carthage. A battle so intense the soldiers called it the Battle of Hell-hole.

Dean Winchester:
Where'd the massacre go down?

Bobby Singer:
On the land of William Jasper's farm.

Dean Winchester:
So now we know where the Devil's gonna be, we know when, and we have the Colt.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah. We just have to get past, eight or so Hellhounds and get to the farm by midnight.

Dean Winchester:
And that's after we get Jo and Ellen the hell outta town.

Sam Winchester:
Won't be easy.

Dean Winchester:
Stretcher?

Sam Winchester:
I'll see what we got.

Jo Harvelle:
Stop. Guys, stop. Can we uh, be realistic about this please? I can't move my legs. I can't be moved. My guts are bein' held in by an Ace bandage. We gotta... we gotta get our priorities straight here. Number one, I'm not going anywhere.

Ellen Harvelle:
Joanna Beth, you stop talkin' like that.

Jo Harvelle:
Mom. I can't fight. I can't walk. But I could do something. We've got propane, wiring, rock salt, iron nails, everything we need.

Sam Winchester:
Everything we need?

Jo Harvelle:
To build a bomb, Sam.

Dean Winchester:
No. Jo, no.

Jo Harvelle:
You got another plan? You got *any* other plan? Those are Hellhounds out there Dean. They've got all of our scents. Those b*tches will *never* stop coming after you. We let the dogs in, make a break for the building next over, and I can wait here with my finger on the button. Rip those mutts a new one. Or at least get you a few minutes head start anyway.

Ellen Harvelle:
No, I, I won't let you!

Jo Harvelle:
This is why we're here, right? If I could get us a shot on the Devil... Dean we have to take it.

Ellen Harvelle:
No! That's not...

Jo Harvelle:
Mom. This might literally be your last chance to treat me like an adult? You might want to take it?

Ellen Harvelle:
[crying] Well you heard her. Get to work.

[Ellen is staying behind with Jo]

Jo Harvelle:
Mom, no.

Ellen Harvelle:
Somebody's gotta let 'em in. Like you said, you're not movin'. You got me, Jo. And you're right. This is important. But I will not leave you here alone.

Sam Winchester:
Dean...

Ellen Harvelle:
Get goin' now boys.

Dean Winchester:
Ellen...

Ellen Harvelle:
I said go. And Dean? Kick it in the ass. Don't miss. [they go; Ellen takes the chain off the door, breaks the salt line, preps the bomb]

Ellen Harvelle:
[to Jo] I will always love you, baby. Honey? [Jo is dead; Ellen sobs] It's okay, it's okay. That's my good girl. [the hellhounds approach, Ellen feels the breath of one on her face] You can go straight back to hell you ugly b*tch! [she presses the button, the building explodes]

Sam Winchester:
Last words?

Dean Winchester:
I think I'm good.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, me too.

Dean Winchester:
Here goes nothin'.

Sam Winchester:
[to Lucifer, cocking his rifle] Hey! You wanted to see me?

Lucifer:
Oh Sam, you don't need that gun here. You know I'd never hurt you. Not really.

Dean Winchester:
[putting the Colt to Lucifer's head] Yeah? Well I'd hurt you. So suck it! [he fires, Lucifer falls, pause]

Lucifer:
[gasping] *Oowww*. [rising] Where did you get that? [sends Dean flying into a tree, turns back to Sam, the wound in his head vanishing] Now. Where were we?

Lucifer:
Don't feel too bad, Sam. There's only five things in all of creation that that gun can't kill and, I just happen to be one of them. But if you gimme a minute? I'm almost done. [goes back to digging, Sam checks on Dean] You know, I don't suppose you'd just say yes right here and now, end this whole tiresome discussion? That's crazy, right?

Sam Winchester:
[fiercely] It's NEVER gonna happen!

Lucifer:
Oh I don't know Sam. I think it will. I think it'll happen soon. Within six months. And I think it'll happen... in Detroit.

Sam Winchester:
You listen to me, you sonofabitch. I'm gonna kill you myself! You understand me? I'm going to rip your *heart* out!

Lucifer:
That's good, Sam. You keep fanning that fire in your belly. All that pent-up rage? I'm gonna need it.

Sam Winchester:
[looking at the men standing around] What did you do? What did you do to this town?

Lucifer:
Oh, I was very generous with this town. One demon for every able-bodied man.

Sam Winchester:
And the rest of them?

Lucifer:
[gesturing at the pit he's been filling in] In there. I know it's awful but, these Horsemen are so demanding. So it was women and children first. I know what you must think of me Sam. But I have to do this. I have to. You of all people should understand.

Sam Winchester:
What's that supposed to mean?

Lucifer:
I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him, and I begged him to stand with me. And Michael... Michael turned on me. Called me a freak, a monster. And then he beat me down, all because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something Sam, any of this sound familiar? Anyway, you'll have to excuse me, midnight is calling, and I have a ritual to finish. Don't go anywhere. Not that you could if you would. [turns away, chants, then turns to the sacrifices as Dean wakes up] Now repeat after me. "We offer up our lives, blood, souls..."

Possessed townsfolk:
We offer up our lives, blood, souls...

Lucifer:
"... to complete this tribute."

Possessed townsfolk:
To complete this tribute. [one by one their heads light up and they fall, Sam and Dean stare in horror]

Lucifer:
What? They're just demons.

Castiel:
You seem pleased.

Meg:
We're gonna win! Can you feel it? You cloud-hopping pansies lost the whole damn universe! Lucifer's gonna take over Heaven! We're goin' to Heaven, Clarence!

Castiel:
Strange. Because I heard a different theory from a demon named Crowley.

Meg:
You don't know Crowley.

Castiel:
He believes Lucifer is just using demons to achieve an end. And then, once he does, he'll destroy you all.

Meg:
You're wrong. Lucifer is the father of our race. Our creator. Your God might be a dead-beat but mine, mine walks the Earth.

[the last bolt comes out, the pipe falls, knocking Meg into the circle with Castiel, Castiel tries to smite her but can't, Meg laughs] You can't gank demons, can you? You're cut off from the home office and you ain't got the juice. So what *can* you do, you impotent sap?

Castiel:
I can do this.

Lucifer:
Oh hellooooo Death.

Castiel:
[as he telekinetically loosens bolts on an overhead pipe] You seem pleased.

Meg:
We're gonna win! Can you feel it? You cloud-hopping pansies lost the whole damn universe! Lucifer's gonna take over Heaven! We're goin' to Heaven, Clarence!

Castiel:
Strange. Because I heard a different theory from a demon named Crowley.

Meg:
[suspicious] You don't know Crowley.

Castiel:
He believes Lucifer is just using demons to achieve an end. And then, once he does, he'll destroy you all.

Meg:
[uncertain] You're wrong. Lucifer is the father of our race. Our creator. Your God might be a dead-beat but mine, mine walks the Earth. [the last bolt comes out, the pipe falls, knocking Meg into the circle with Castiel, Castiel tries to smite her but can't, Meg laughs] You can't gank demons, can you? You're cut off from the home office and you ain't got the juice. So what *can* you do, you impotent sap?

Castiel:
I can do this. [he flings her down on the flames, uses her body as a bridge to escape]

Dean Winchester:
Hey.

Jo Harvelle:
Hey.

Dean Winchester:
Hmm. So, dangerous mission tomorrow. Guess it's time to eat, drink and, you know, make merry.

Jo Harvelle:
Are you giving me the 'Last Night on Earth' speech?

Dean Winchester:
What?

Jo Harvelle:
What?

Dean Winchester:
No. [laughs] No, but if I was, would that work?

Jo Harvelle:
[smiles at him and sets her beer on the counter. She moves in closer, puts her hand close to the back of his neck and tilts her face up to his. Just as their lips are about to connect, she pulls back] No. Sweetheart, if this is our last night on earth, then I'm going to spend it with a little thing I call self-respect. [she turns and laughs softly as she walks away]

Dean Winchester:
[watches her walk away and raises his beer to his lips] If you're into that kinda thing.

Castiel:
[after downing five shots] I Think I'm starting to feel something.

Frank Devereaux:
Did I mention you look awful?

Dean Winchester:
Yes! Maybe because somebody I cared about just got shot in the head. And this is like- shoving a rock up a hill. And... screw you!

Frank Devereaux:
Here's my advice you didn't ask for. Quit.

Dean Winchester:
What?

Frank Devereaux:
You wanna keep going?

Dean Winchester:
[sternly] I want Dick Roman on a spit.

Frank Devereaux:
[sarcastically] But you're gonna drive yourself into the ground first. Good plan!

Dean Winchester:
[sighs, quietly] I'm not gonna quit. Not even an option. Not gonna walk out on my brother.

Frank Devereaux:
Okay, then fine. Do what I did.

Dean Winchester:
[sarcastically] Huh! What? Go native? Stock up on C rations? [Shakes his head, looking away]

Frank Devereaux:
No, cupcake. [quietly now] What I did when I was 26 and came home to find my wife and two kids gutted on the floor. [Dean looks back at Frank, face sober now] Decide to be fine til the end of the week. Make yourself smile because... you're alive and that's your job. And do it again the next week.

Dean Winchester:
[after a pause] So, fake it?

Frank Devereaux:
I call it being professional. Do it right. With a smile. Or don't do it.

Dean Winchester:
[wakes up in a chair in Frank's RV] How long was I out?

Frank Devereaux:
About 36 hours.

Dean Winchester:
What? Why didn't you wake me?

Frank Devereaux:
Not your butler!

Dean Winchester:
The whistle makes me their god.

Young Dean Winchester:
I'm a HE-ro!

[Dean is undercover at a high school, posing as a gym teacher]

Dean Winchester:
Today, you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, and cunning. A game with one simple rule: [Dean picks up a red gym ball] Dodge.

[Dean pegs a student in the stomach at close range, knocking him to the floor]

Dean Winchester:
Sorry

Kid in Gym Class:
Uh, substitute Coach Roth?

Dean Winchester:
Yes?

Kid in Gym Class:
Miss Budroll never let us play dodgeball.

Dean Winchester:
Well, Miss. B's in Massachusetts getting married, so we're playing.

Kid in Gym Class:
She says it's dangerous!

Dean Winchester:
[Dean blows his whistle] Take a lap!

Sam Winchester:
I'm not evil, Dirk, I'm not. And neither were you. Trust me, I've seen real evil... We were scared and miserable, and we took it out on each other, us and everybody else. That's high school. But you duffer through that, and it gets better.

Dean Winchester:
I don't know, Sammy. Looks like Jody might not need our help anymore.

Sam Winchester:
Oh, they grow up so fast. Don't they?

Sheriff Jody Mills:
Yeah, joke all you want.

Annie:
Wilson and Fisher? You two are FBI, then I'm Taylor Swift. That wasn't a dental I.D. It was a fang check. You're hunters.

Dean Winchester:
And you're alive because, uh, hunters trained the sheriff.

Sheriff Jody Mills:
Well, shouldn't raise too many eyebrows, me being gone for a day.

Sam Winchester:
Maybe, but you, uh, sure don't want backup?

Sheriff Jody Mills:
You want me to enlist my men in a protection detail against vampires? Frank's still in the dark about what hit him last night. The guy still has nightmares about the barn episode of "Walking Dead."

Dean Winchester:
[walking up behind a vampire feeding a body into a wood chipper] Hey. Hey! Do you need any help with that? [the vampire turns the machine off then turns to face Dean. A hand is left stuck in the chipper] I guess not.

Dean Winchester:
[Dean has a vampire pinned against a wall with a blade pressed against his throat. He is about to behead the vamp, then stops when the vamp looks away] Look at me. Look at me, b*tch! [the vamp looks at Dean, and Dean shoves the blade through his throat all the way against the wall, watches the headless vamp slide to the floor]

Sam Winchester:
Nice work back there. [pause] Look at me, b*tch?

Dean Winchester:
Hey, you got another snappy one liner, I'm all ears.

Sam Winchester:
What I'm saying is... It looked to me like you were enjoying it... maybe... too much.

Dean Winchester:
And? [Sam gives him a disbelieving look] Well, sorry for not putting on a Hair shirt. [Sam looks away in disbelief] Killing things that need killing, it's kind of our job. Last I checked, taking pleasure in that's not a crime.

[listens to Dean talking with Bobby]

Crowley:
Is that Bobby Singer? Give him a kiss for me.

Skinwalker:
Go to hell.

Sam Winchester:
Already been. Didn't agree with me.

Sam Winchester:
[to the Skinwalker] Why shack up with a family? Is it a kinky thing? [pause] Do you like to play with your food?

Dean Winchester:
[to Lucky] Now we can do this the easy way [holds up a stack of clothes] or the hard way [holds up training collar] .

[Sam snickers, Dean gives him a look]

Sam Winchester:
What? Soul or not that's funnny.

Sam Winchester:
I'd double cross us.

[Dean gives him a look]

Sam Winchester:
Just making conversation.

Dean Winchester:
Good Mornin'... Ish...

Dean Winchester:
Bring me some pie!

Sam Winchester:
Crazy is relative.

Lily:
I feel like I'm in a nightmare and it just keep getting worse and worse.

Andrew 'Andy' Gallagher:
Have you got something of Dean's on you, like something he touched?

Sam Winchester:
I've got a receipt, if that'll work?

Andrew 'Andy' Gallagher:
Yeah. [looking at receipt] D. Hasselhoff?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, that's Dean's signature. It's hard to explain.

Dean Winchester:
We got work to do.

Dean Winchester:
Whoo, that was about as fun as getting kicked in the jewels. [in regards to the vision he received]

Dean Winchester:
[after Sam gets stabbed] Hey, hey... come here, come here, let me look at ya. [checks the wound on Sam's back] Oh, hey look, it's not even that bad... It's not even that bad, alright? Sammy, Sam! Hey, listen to me, we are going to patch you up okay... You'll be as good as new. Huh? I'm going to take care of you, I'm going to take care of you! I gotcha. It's my job, right, watch after my pain-in-the-ass little brother... Sam... Sam... Sam! Sammy! [Sam dies] No. No-no-no-no-no-no. Oh, God. Oh, God... Sam!

Sam Winchester:
You saved my life over and over. Man you sacrifice everything for me, don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care, I'm going to get you out of this. I'm going to save your ass for a change.

Dean Winchester:
You know when we were little, you couldn't have been more than five, you started asking me questions. Like, how come we didn't have a mom? Why we always have to move around? Where'd dad go? When he'd take off for days at a time. I remember I begged you to quit asking, Sammy, you don't want to know. I just wanted you to be a kid, just a little while longer. I was trying to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me, it was just always my responsibility. It was like I had one job. I had one job and I screwed it up. I blew it and for that I am sorry. [Tears fall from his eyes and he wipes his eyes] I guess that's what I do, I let down the people I love. I let dad down. And now, I guess I'm supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do, Sammy? [Long pause] What am I supposed to do? [Gets up and kicks the bed] [shouting] What am I supposed to do?

Bobby Singer:
Oh no.

Ellen Harvelle:
Bobby, what is it?

Bobby Singer:
It's hell.

Sam Winchester:
How long did you get?

Dean Winchester:
One year. I got one year.

Sam Winchester:
We got work to do.

Sam Winchester:
[slams the trunk lid closed]

Dean Winchester:
I couldn't let him die, Bobby. I just couldn't. He's my brother.

Bobby Singer:
How's your brother gonna feel when he knows you're going to hell?

Dean Winchester:
[Bobby is showing Sam and Dean a spike in monster activity in the past week, circling locations on a US map] Is it just me, or is that a straight kick line down I80?

Bobby Singer:
[Draws a line along the interstate on the map] Exactly.

Dean Winchester:
Looks to me like it's a... Sherman march monster mash.

Rufus Turner:
So, we partnering on this, or not? [Bobby gives him a shocked look] C'mon, man, it's not rocket surgery. We're here. Let's do this. Just like ol' times.

Bobby Singer:
As long as I get to drive.

Rufus Turner:
[laughing] Hell, no.

Dean Winchester:
[Big smile] Well, look what the cat dragged in. [He and Sam are seeing Rufus for the first time in a long time]

Sam Winchester:
It really is good to see you, Rufus.

Rufus Turner:
[shaking hands with Sam and Dean] I can believe it. It must get old dealing with this miserable cuss here all by yourselves.

Sam Winchester:
Ha! Is it that obvious?

Bobby Singer:
Why don't you three get a room?

Dean Winchester:
[Advancing on Samuel with his gun aimed, cocked, ready to fire] Welcome to next time!

Rufus Turner:
[referring to Samuel] I take it you know each other.

Dean Winchester:
[grimly] He's our grandfather.

Rufus Turner:
Ow. Somebody needs a hug.

Bobby Singer:
So. You must be Samuel.

Samuel Campbell:
You must be the guy pretending to be their father.

Bobby Singer:
Somebody ought to.

Dean Winchester:
I am not in the mood! I just had a 12 inch... harpy crawl outta my ear!

Dean Winchester:
It's like a Khan worm on steroids!

Samuel Campbell:
What if that thing's still in ya, and we can't trust a word you're sayin'?

Dean Winchester:
[points his gun at Samuel] It's not!

Bobby Singer:
Check your ear.

Dean Winchester:
[Looks at Bobby and lowers his gun] What do you mean, check my ear? Check my ear for what? [while he's distracted, Rufus pokes his finger into Dean's ear] Hey! Wha- [Pulls away, then checks his own ear, muttering] Why don't you buy me a drink first?

Rufus Turner:
I want you and you to watch... Okay, I want you and you to watch him and him and... Alright, if anything crawls outta anybody, somebody step on it!

Dean Winchester:
You know what I think Mom would say? She'd say just cuz you're blood doesn't make you family. You gotta *earn* that.

Bobby Singer:
Listen, Rufus, I been thinking.

Rufus Turner:
Yeah, will wonders never cease!

Bobby Singer:
Shut up a minute. I'm tryin' to say somethin'. It was my fault. [Rufus goes really still] Omaha.

Rufus Turner:
[Trying to shrug it off] Nah. No, it wasn't.

Bobby Singer:
No, I shoulda listened to you.

Rufus Turner:
[laughing it off] Oh, hey, that's categorical, Bobby.

Bobby Singer:
I- Lemme... just get this out.

Rufus Turner:
[Smiling, but with a hard warning in his eyes] Bobby, we've had this conversation already, okay?

Bobby Singer:
No, we haven't. I never said I'm sorry, Rufus. I- You lost her because of me, and I...

Rufus Turner:
[Smiling at first] Bobby, I said we've had this conversation already. [His smiles drops completely and his tone grows hard] And you can blab all day... And it wouldn't change a thing, Bobby. [pause] I will never... forgive you... for what happened. You got that? *Never*. So, change the subject. Bob.

Rufus Turner:
[Looking at Sam, Dean and Bobby after coming to] This can't be my afterlife cuz the three of you are here.

Dean Winchester:
[Watching Bobby as he comes to tied to a chair, possessed by the worm] Well, hey there, you little herpe. [Places the live wire against Bobby's neck then steps back]

Sam Winchester:
Why do you keep talkin' about herpes?

Dean Winchester:
What? [Sam just looks at him] I don't- shut up. Shut up!

Dean Winchester:
No way out now, Sluggo!

Bobby Singer:
It was Omaha. It was my fault. And he never let it go.

Dean Winchester:
[without hesitation] Well, he should have.

Bobby Singer:
You don't know what I did, Dean.

Dean Winchester:
Doesn't matter.

Bobby Singer:
What do you mean, it doesn't...

Dean Winchester:
I mean, at the end of the day, you two were family. Life's short. And ours are shorter than most. What, are we gonna spend it wringing our hands? Something's gonna get us. Eventually. And when my guts get ripped out, just so you two know, we're good. Blanket apology for the crap that anybody's done, all the way around.

Sam Winchester:
Some of us pulled a lot of crap, Dean.

Dean Winchester:
Well. Clean slate.

Sam Winchester:
Okay.

[Death has proposed building a "wall" in Sam's mind to protect him from memories of being in hell]

Dean Winchester:
Okay, a wall. Sounds good.

Tessa:
But it's not permanent.

Death:
She's right. Nothing lasts forever. Well, I do.

Dean Winchester:
What's the bet?

Death:
Don't roll your eyes, Dean. It's impolite. Now when you fetch my ring, put it on.

Dean Winchester:
What?

Death:
I want you to be me for one day.

Dean Winchester:
Are you serious?

Death:
No, I'm being incredibly sarcastic.

Tessa:
Wow. They'll just let any slack-jawed haircut be Death these days.

Dean Winchester:
Well, you are all charm today, aren't you?

Balthazar:
Well, here's one for the list of dumbest things ever. Summon the angel who wants to kill you.

Sam Winchester:
Desperate times. I need your help, Balthazar.

Balthazar:
Interesting. Since last time we met, you wanted to, what was it? Oh yes, yes. "Fry my wings, extra crispy."

Sam Winchester:
Well, that was a misunderstanding.

Balthazar:
Some misunderstanding.

Tessa:
Just so you know, when people die, they might have questions for you. Well, not you, but Death.

Dean Winchester:
You mean, like "How did Betty White outlast me"?

Heart Attack Victim:
Why?

Dean Winchester:
You think maybe it was the extra cheese?

Heart Attack Victim:
Yeah. It was good, though.

Dean Winchester:
That a local place?

Tessa:
Dean...

Dean Winchester:
Right. Umm, time to go, man. Sorry.

Heart Attack Victim:
Wait. Will you tell me what it all... means?

Dean Winchester:
[thinks for a moment] Everything is dust in the wind.

Heart Attack Victim:
That's it? A Kansas song?

Tessa:
Sorry. He's new.

Bobby Singer:
Ain't nobody killing me in my house but me!

Tessa:
Dean, you have to take her.

Dean Winchester:
Says who?

Tessa:
Death.

Dean Winchester:
I'm Death.

Tessa:
You know what I mean.

Dean Winchester:
Well, who tells him?

Tessa:
I don't know. It just is. It's destiny.

Dean Winchester:
Give me a break. I spent my whole life fighting that crap. There's no such thing as destiny. Just like there was no Apocalypse. Just a bunch of stuck up mooks who didn't want us human slaves asking questions.

Dean Winchester:
What's with you and the cheap food?

Death:
I could ask you the same thing.

Death:
This is hard for you, Dean. You throw away your life because you've come to assume that it'll bounce right back into your lap. The human soul is not a rubber ball. It's vulnerable, impermanent, but stronger than you know... and more valuable than you can imagine.

Bobby Singer:
Solid iron. Completely coated in salt. One hundred percent ghost-proof.

Sam Winchester:
You built a panic room?

Bobby Singer:
I had a weekend off.

Bobby Singer:
It all says an angel can snatch a soul from the pit.

Dean Winchester:
What else?

Bobby Singer:
What else what?

Dean Winchester:
What else could do it?

Bobby Singer:
Airlift your ass out of the hotbox? As far as I can tell, nothin'.

Dean Winchester:
I'm trying to come up with a theory here, okay? Work with me.

Sam Winchester:
Dean, we have a theory.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please.

Dean Winchester:
See, this is why I can't get behind God.

Sam Winchester:
What are you talking about?

Dean Winchester:
If He doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. And no rhyme or reason, just random horrible, evil. I get it. Okay? I can roll with that. But if He is out there, what's wrong with Him? Where the hell is He while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does He live with Himself? You know, why doesn't He help?

[long pause]

Bobby Singer:
I ain't touching this one with a ten-foot pole.

Bobby Singer:
I think I got everything we need here at the house.

Dean Winchester:
Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?

Bobby Singer:
So you thought our luck was gonna start *now* all of a sudden?

Dean Winchester:
I mean, I don't like gettin' singled out at birthday parties, much less by God.

Sam Winchester:
Okay, well, too bad, Dean. Because I think He wants you to strap on your party hat.

Castiel:
The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals.

Dean Winchester:
Okay, I'm guessing that's not a show at Sea World.

Castiel:
Those seals are being broken by Lilith.

Dean Winchester:
She did the spell. She rose the witnesses.

Castiel:
Mm-hmm. And not just here. Twenty other hunters are dead.

Dean Winchester:
[understanding] Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save so that they would barrel right after us.

Castiel:
Lilith has a certain sense of humor.

Dean Winchester:
Well, we put those spirits back to rest.

Castiel:
It doesn't matter. The seal was broken.

Dean Winchester:
Why break the seal anyway?

Castiel:
You think of the seals as locks on a door.

Dean Winchester:
Okay, last one opens and...

Castiel:
Lucifer walks free.

Dean Winchester:
[stares, stunned] Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told. At demon Sunday school. There's no such thing.

Castiel:
Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?

Dean Winchester:
[quietly] To stop Lucifer.

Castiel:
[nods] That's why we've arrived.

Dean Winchester:
Well, bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice.

Castiel:
We tried. There are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. [Dean snorts derisively. Castiel moves closer to him] Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. [leans in even closer; Dean looks uncomfortable. With intensity:] You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in. [he disappears]

Dean Winchester:
I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos - you know, Michael Landon. Not d*cks.

Castiel:
Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier.

Bobby Singer:
Solid iron, completely coated in salt. One hundred percent ghost proof.

Sam Winchester:
You built a panic room?

Bobby Singer:
...I had a weekend off.

Dean Winchester:
Bobby.

Bobby Singer:
What?

Dean Winchester:
You're awesome.

Dean Winchester:
Fine. What do we know about angels?

Bobby Singer:
[He moves a stack of heavy books to the center of his desk] Start readin'.

Dean Winchester:
[Jabs a finger towards Sam] You're gonna get me some pie. [Grabs a book and stalks away]

Sam Winchester:
[On a supply run. Sighing heavily while on the phone with Dean] Yes, Dean, I'll get chips. [pause, then rolls his eyes] Dude. When have I ever forgotten pie?

Dean Winchester:
[Rummaging through the grocery bag that Sam brought back from his supply run] Dude?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah.

Dean Winchester:
[Worried, looks Sam in the eye] Where's the pie?

Henry Winchester:
[looks on the Impala's license plate] 2013. My God. Guess the Mayans were wrong.

Henry Winchester:
My father and his father him before were both men of letters. As John and you two should have been. We're preceptors, beholders, chroniclers of all that which man does not understand. We share our findings with a few trusted hunters - the very elite. They do the rest.

Dean Winchester:
So you're like Yodas to our Jedis.

[Henry stares blankly]

Dean Winchester:
Never mind. You'll get there.

Sam Winchester:
I get it now.

Dean Winchester:
Hmm?

Sam Winchester:
What Cupid said about heaven busting ass to get Mom and Dad together. The Winchesters and the Campbells - the brains and the brawn.

Dean Winchester:
Well, I'm glad you see it. All I see is in our family tree is a whole lot of dead.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, well, either way, Dad hated the son of a b*tch.

Sam Winchester:
And Dad made up for that how? By being Father of the Year?

Dean Winchester:
Hey, I got a question for ya. You seen a lot of horror movies, yeah?

Katherine:
Yeah, I guess so.

Dean Winchester:
Do me a favor, next time you see one, pay attention. When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.

Sam Winchester:
Dean. When are we gonna talk about it?

Dean Winchester:
Talk about what?

Sam Winchester:
About the fact that Dad's not here.

Dean Winchester:
Oh, uh, let's see, never.

Sam Winchester:
I'm being serious, man.

Dean Winchester:
So am I, Sam. Look, he sent us here, he obviously wants us here. We'll just have to pick up the search later.

Sam Winchester:
It doesn't matter what he wants!

Dean Winchester:
See, that attitude, right there? That is why I always got the extra cookie.

Dean Winchester:
The only thing that makes me more nervous than a pissed off spirit... is the pissed off spirit of a psycho killer.

Dean Winchester:
You're not gonna try and kill me are you?

Sam Winchester:
No.

Dean Winchester:
Good, 'cuz that would be awkward.

Dean Winchester:
[to Sam] Let me know if you see any dead people, Haley Joel.

Sam Winchester:
[about the EMF] You gettin' any reading on that thing or not?

Dean Winchester:
Nope. 'Course, doesn't mean nobody's home.

Sam Winchester:
Spirits can appear at certain hours of the day.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, the freaks come out at night.

Sam Winchester:
[on cell] No, Dad was in California last we heard from him. We just thought, he comes to you for munitions, maybe you see him the last few weeks. Just, call us if you hear anything. Thanks.

Dean Winchester:
Caleb hasn't heard from him?

Sam Winchester:
Nope. Neither has Jefferson or Pastor Jim. What about the journal? Any leads in there?

Dean Winchester:
No, same last time I looked. Nothin' I can make out. I love the guy but I swear he writes like freakin' Yoda.

Katherine:
So how do you guys know about all this ghost stuff?

Sam Winchester:
It's kind of our job.

Katherine:
Why would anyone want a job like that?

Sam Winchester:
I had a crappy guidance counselor.

Katherine:
Hey, Gavin.

Gavin:
Yeah?

Katherine:
If we make it out of here alive, we are so breaking up.

Dean Winchester:
Apparently he was experimenting on his patients. Some awful stuff, makes lobotomies look like a couple of aspirin.

Sam Winchester:
[pointing the shotgun at Dean] Dean. Step back from the door.

Dean Winchester:
Sam, put the gun down.

Sam Winchester:
Is that an order?

Dean Winchester:
Nah, it's more of a friendly request.

Sam Winchester:
'Cause I'm gettin' pretty tired of takin' your orders.

Dean Winchester:
I knew it. Ellicott did something to you, didn't he?

Sam Winchester:
For once in your life? Just shut your mouth.

Dean Winchester:
What're you gonna do Sam? Gun's filled with rock salt. Not gonna kill me. [Sam fires, Dean falls to the floor]

Sam Winchester:
No. But it'll hurt like hell.

Dean Winchester:
[checking his cell] I don't believe it.

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
It's a, a text message. It's coordinates.

Sam Winchester:
You think Dad was texting us?

Dean Winchester:
Well, he's given us coordinates before.

Sam Winchester:
The man can barely work a *toaster*, Dean.

Sam Winchester:
We've met some interesting people. Seen some interesting things.

Dean Winchester:
Hey, Sam, who do you think is a hotter psychic: Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you?

Dean Winchester:
You're not gonna try and kill me are ya?

Sam Winchester:
No.

Dean Winchester:
Good cos that would be awkward.

Officer Daniel Gunderson:
Can't keep kids outta this place.

Officer Walter Kelly:
What is it, anyway?

Officer Daniel Gunderson:
I forgot, you're not local. You don't know the legend.

Officer Walter Kelly:
Legend?

Officer Daniel Gunderson:
Every town's got its stories, right? Ours is Roosevelt Asylum. They say it's haunted with the ghosts of the patients. Spend the night, spirits'll drive you insane.

Sam Winchester:
[about the asylum] The South Wing, it's where they housed all the real hard cases, the psychotics, the criminally insane...

Dean Winchester:
Sounds cozy.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, and one night in '64, they rioted. Attacked staff, attacked each other.

Dean Winchester:
So what, the patients took over the asylum?

Sam Winchester:
Apparently.

Dean Winchester:
Any deaths?

Sam Winchester:
Some patients, some staff. I guess it was pretty gory, some of the bodies were never even recovered: including our chief of staff, Ellicott.

Dean Winchester:
What do you mean never recovered?

Sam Winchester:
Cops scoured every inch of the place, but I guess the patients must've... stuffed the body somewhere hidden.

Dean Winchester:
Well that's grim.

Dean Winchester:
It turns out I did shoot the deputy.

Dean Winchester:
All right, well, thanks, Cas. Good work. Way to come off the bench.

Castiel:
What bench?

Dean Winchester:
Okay, Cas, what've you got that isn't women in prison?

Sam Winchester:
Never thought you'd say that

Castiel:
I'm not sure how orange correlates with black in a way that's new.

Dean Winchester:
Step away from the Netflix.

Dean Winchester:
I'm Batman.

Sam Winchester:
[sarcastically] Yeah, you're Batman.

Sam Winchester:
I lost my shoe.

Dean Winchester:
[looks at Sam] What?

Sam Winchester:
I lost my shoe.

Dean Winchester:
Is that a rabbit's foot?

Sam Winchester:
I think it is.

Bobby Singer:
[re: the rabbits foot] You see, you touch it, you own it. You own it, sure, you get a run of good luck to beat the devil. But you lose it, that luck turns. It turns so bad that you're dead inside a week.

Sam Winchester:
Well, so I won't lose it, Bobby.

Bobby Singer:
Everybody loses it!

Bobby Singer:
Dean, great news. It wasn't easy, but I found a heavyweight cleansing ritual that should do the trick.

Dean Winchester:
Bobby, that's uh, great, except Sam, uh... Sam lost the foot.

Bobby Singer:
He what!

Dean Winchester:
Bobby listen, listen, this uh, this hot chick stole it from him. I'm serious. She's in her mid-twenties, and she was sharp, you know. Good enough with the con to play us. And she only gave the guys she hired a name, probably an alias or something. [turns to look at Sam]

Dean Winchester:
Luigi or something...

Sam Winchester:
Lagosi.

Dean Winchester:
Right, Lagosi.

Bobby Singer:
Lagosi? Lagosi... Aw crap, it's probably Bela.

Dean Winchester:
Bela Lagosi? That's cute.

Dean Winchester:
So you know the truth about whats really going on out there, and this is what you choose to do with it? You become a thief?

Bela Talbot:
I procure unique items for a select clientle.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah. A thief.

Bela Talbot:
No... A great thief.

Dean Winchester:
[to Bela] Anywho, this has been charming but, uh... look at the time. Oh, and this [holds up lucky rabbits foot, inciting a look of fury from Bela]

Dean Winchester:
Looks like you're not the only one with sticky fingers. If it's any consolation, I think you're a truly *awful* person.

Bela Talbot:
[holding a gun on Sam and Dean] Put the foot down, honey.

Dean Winchester:
No. You're not gonna shoot anybody. You see, I happen to be able to read people. Okay, you're a thief, fine. But you're not--

[Bela turns and shoots Sam in the shoulder]

Dean Winchester:
Son of a....

Bela Talbot:
Back off, Tiger. Back off. You make one more move, and I pull the trigger. You've got the luck Dean, you I can't hit. But your brother...

[Bela aims the gun at Sam]

Bela Talbot:
Him I can't miss.

Dean Winchester:
What the hell is wrong with you!? You don't just go around shooting people like that!

Bela Talbot:
Relax, it's a shoulder hit, I *can* aim.

Bela Talbot:
[tossing rabbits foot onto the fire] Thanks very much. I'm out one and a half million, and on the bad side of a very powerful, fairly psychotic buyer.

Dean Winchester:
Wow... I really don't feel bad about that. Sam?

Sam Winchester:
Nope. Not even a little.

Bela Talbot:
Maybe next time I'll hang *you* out to dry.

Dean Winchester:
[shakes head] Aw, don't go away angry, just go away.

Dean Winchester:
What?

Sam Winchester:
...I lost my shoe...

Sam Winchester:
The Air conditioner starts smoking when Sam is left in the motel room "Aw, come on! I - "

Sam Winchester:
I came here to make you an offer.

Crossroads Demon:
You're going to make me an offer? That's adorable.

Sam Winchester:
You can let Dean out of his deal right now. He lives, I live... you live, everyone goes home happy. Or you stop breathing permantantly.

Crossroads Demon:
All this tough talk, I have to tell you it's not very convincing. I mean, come one Sam, do you even want to break the deal?

Sam Winchester:
What do you think?

Crossroads Demon:
I don't know. Aren't you tired of cleaning up Dean's messes? Of dealing with that broken psychy of his? Aren't you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You're stronger than Dean. You're better than him

Sam Winchester:
Watch your mouth.

Crossroads Demon:
Admit it, you're here going through the motions, but truth is you'll be a tiny bit relieved when he's gone.

Sam Winchester:
Shut up.

Crossroads Demon:
No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally be free.

Sam Winchester:
Alright, enough of this crap. You let Dean out of his deal right now.

Crossroads Demon:
Sorry sweetheart, but your brother's an adult. He made that deal of his own free will, fair and square. It's iron clade.

Sam Winchester:
Fine, then I'll kill you. If you're dead then so is the deal.

Crossroads Demon:
Guess again.

Sam Winchester:
What?

Crossroads Demon:
Sam, I'm just a saleswoman. I've got a boss just like everyone. He holds the contract not me. He wants Dean's soul bad, and believe me he's not going to let it go.

Crossroads Demon:
Shoot me, if that'll get you off, but the deal still holds. And when Dean's time it up he is going to be dragged into the pit.

Sam Winchester:
Who is it?

Crossroads Demon:
I can't tell you. I'm sorry Sam, but there's no way out of this. Not this time

Sam Winchester:
[thinks then shoots her]

Sam Winchester:
Actually, I do have a theory... sort of.

Dean Winchester:
Beat me.

Sam Winchester:
Well, I'm thinking about fairy tales.

Dean Winchester:
Oh, that's... that's nice! Do you think about fairy tales often...?

Sam Winchester:
Remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into a coach and the mice that become horses?

Dean Winchester:
Dude, could you be more gay?

Dean Winchester:
I'll tell you one thing - there's no way I'm kissing a damn frog.

Dean Winchester:
I'm going to stop the big bad wolf, which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.

Dean Winchester:
What the hell do you make of that?

Sam Winchester:
Actually, I do have a theory. Uh, sorta.

Dean Winchester:
Hit me.

Sam Winchester:
Well, thinkin' about fairy tales.

Dean Winchester:
...Oh that's, that's nice. You think about fairy tales often?

Sam Winchester:
You remember Cinderella?

Dean Winchester:
...

Sam Winchester:
The pumpkin that turns into a coach and the mice that become horses?

Dean Winchester:
...Dude, could you be more gay?

Sam Winchester:
[flustered]...

Dean Winchester:
Don't answer that.

Dean Winchester:
We've got jack on another Hand of God and Amara, and we've got even less jack on how to save Cas.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, if he wants to be saved.

Dean Winchester:
He does. Even if he doesn't know it yet.

Dean Winchester:
Dude, dude, Gunner freaking lawless.

Sam Winchester:
Groupie much?

Dean Winchester:
Shut up. Should I go say hi? I should go say hi. I'm gonna say hi. [goes over to Gunner Lwaless] Hi. I... saw you stand over there and just told my brother that I should come over and say hi. So... I... came over and... hi.

Sam Winchester:
It's just... you were my first crush.

Rio:
You weren't one of those guys that had my poster above their bed were you?

Sam Winchester:
What? No!

Dean Winchester:
[some time later] Did you tell her you used to have her poster over your bed when you were a kid?

Sam Winchester:
No.

Dean Winchester:
Did he get in a tickle fight with Edward Scissorhands?

Sam Winchester:
What happened?

Dean Winchester:
Mostly tequila. Cut with holy water.

Dean Winchester:
Look, you screwed up. Trust me, I've been there. But it's never too late to do the right thing.

Gunner Lawless:
You really believe that?

Dean Winchester:
I have to.

Sam Winchester:
We just gotta...

Dean Winchester:
Keep grinding. No matterhow much it hurts, how hard it gets. You gotta keep grinding.

Sam Winchester:
Right.

Dean Winchester:
And that's how we roll. And we're gonna win. We're gonna save Cas, ice the devil and shank the Darkness. And anyone that gets in our our way, may God help him.

Castiel:
You made me bleed my own blood!

Simmons:
How did you...?

Crowley:
I'm Crowley.

Sam Winchester:
What the hell is that?

Cole Trenton:
Well, that's a kill switch. This here is the remote.

[punches out Sam and cuffs him]

Cole Trenton:
Guessing you're a righty.

Ann Marie:
I wait tables at a roadhouse. I meet the bad guys. I meet the good guys. And maybe for a second there, I thought you were a good guy playing bad, I don't know. It doesn't matter. Maybe you're just...

Dean Winchester:
The kind of guy who sleeps with every skank in every small-town dive that he passes through? Well, you really do know how to read people, 'cause that sure as hell sounds like me.

Dean Winchester:
Well, all you Abbadon groupies are the same, you know that? You, the douche that jumped me at the gas station, you just can't accept that the queen is dead, can you?

Demon:
Maybe we just can't accept that a douche like you was the one who killed her.

Dean Winchester:
Ah. Yeah, that's gotta hurt, doesn't it?

Crowley:
[Answering a call he believes to be from one of his demons] You're dead.

Sam Winchester:
Nope. Just using a dead man's phone.

Crowley:
Moose. Took you long enough. Your brother and I were beginning to wonder if you'd hit another dog. You know.

Crowley:
[voicemail message] Too busy inflicting pain to answer. Leave a message.

Dean Winchester:
[to Crowley who is trying to steal candy from a vending machine] Hey. Hey! Cut it out, man! Image. You're the king of rotten. *Act* like it!

Sam Winchester:
So, the First Blade was never on display.

Dr. McElroy:
No authenticated item by that name was ever on these premises.

Dean Winchester:
Authenticated. Dr. McElroy, this blade was stolen and smuggled into the US in violation of treaties with several governments. We can compel you to speak. [Gives her a confident smile]

Dr. McElroy:
[with a very direct, flirtatious smile at Dean] Compel. [softly] And what might that involve? [Dean's confident smile drops and he looks a little surprised at her straightforward come on. She smiles confidently right back at him] Alright, look. I did acquire the so-called First Blade. And carbon dating did peg it to biblical times, but the authentication proved unreliable.

Sam Winchester:
So, it was in the vault.

Dr. McElroy:
I removed it myself. The guards didn't know.

Sam Winchester:
And where is it now?

Dr. McElroy:
Several weeks ago a confidential offer was made to purchase it. I was afraid we would never authenticate the thing, so...

Dean Winchester:
Who was the buyer?

Dr. McElroy:
[Smiling at Dean] Sorry. The buyer insisted on absolute secrecy.

Dean Winchester:
Well... Federal statutes trump your little deal. So... the buyer?

Dr. McElroy:
And you'll get it out of me one way or the other, won't you, Agent? [She gives Dean another very suggestive smile until his smile turns to uncertainty] I never did know his real identity. He called himself Magnus. Don't ask me where he lives; I have no idea. But, I do have a meeting, so [pulling out a business card to hand it to Dean] here is my number should you need anything else. [Sam reaches for the card, but she pulls it out of his reach and extends it to Dean. He takes the card then watches her walk away. Sam gives Dean a look]

Dean Winchester:
What?

Cuthbert Sinclair:
Dean. I am offering you the moon here. To be part of the greatest collection of all time! [Dean looks horrified] To be young. Forever. Let me teach you my secrets. Hm? Be my companion. I have to be honest with you. It has gotten lonely here over the years.

Dean Winchester:
When you were saying any of that, did it feel at all creepy?

Crowley:
Who would have thunk it, ey, Moose? You and me. Same team. In the trenches. When this is over, we can get matching tattoos.

Dean Winchester:
[Chained to a pillar while Magnus approaches him with the First Blade] Boy, you're a real piece of work, ya know that? Holed up in here, doin' nothin'. You b*tch about the Men of Letters. Huh. You're way worse.

Cuthbert Sinclair:
[waving the blade in front of Dean] Shall we fire it up? [with an excited smile] What do you say?

Dean Winchester:
[grimly] Go to Hell.

Cuthbert Sinclair:
Oh, c'mon, Dean, this is the object of your quest. [Places the tip of the blade against Dean's chest. Dean gets very still and raises his head away from the blade] Tell me Henry Winchester's grandson isn't curious to see if it works. Give me your hand. [Dean doesn't move and gives Magnus a hard look] Give me your hand. [He grabs Dean's right hand and forces the blade into it]

Dean Winchester:
Uh! [Looks down at the blade as the mark of Cain starts to glow like fire]

Cuthbert Sinclair:
[steps back to watch the reaction] That's it. [Dean's right arm begins to shake and the mark glows brighter as the connection between him and the blade grows. Dean winces then is shocked as he is overwhelmed with the power pulsing through him. His arm shakes more and he tries to catch his breath until finally, completely overwhelmed, he drops the blade] Good. [Dean stares at his right arm and Magnus is fascinated with the results, watching as if overseeing an experiment. He retrieves the blade from the floor as Dean breathes deeply and stares, horrified, at his right hand] Next time, it'll be easier. You'll get used to the feelings, even welcome them.

Cuthbert Sinclair:
[to Sam, tied to another another pillar after trying to rescue Dean with Crowley, who is hiding. Magnus takes a knife from his collection] Ya know, I discarded you far too quickly, Sam. You're way more valuable than I thought you were. [to Dean, still chained to a pillar] Why would I knock myself out trying to sap your will, [moving towards Sam with the knife] when I think Sam here will get you to see things my way.

Dean Winchester:
[threateningly] Magnus, I swear to God!

Cuthbert Sinclair:
[to Dean] What? What're you gonna do? [to Sam] What is he gonna do? Huh? [Magnus cuts Sam's cheek. Sam grimaces in pain and Dean struggles against his chains. Magnus moves even closer to Sam and speaks softly, almost gently] Look, look, Sam. I'm not gonna kill ya, course not. [Dean notices Crowley sneak into the room out of sight of Magnus] But, I am gonna make you suffer unimaginably. [He cuts Sam's neck. He watches Sam's reaction, but turns as he hears Dean's chains dropping to the floor. Angry now, Magnus swings his arm back to stab Sam. Dean grabs his arm then cuts his head off with the First Blade. Crowley walks up to see Dean's reaction to using the blade. Dean is becoming overwhelmed again, more this time after having used it. He looks at Crowley, then stares at the blade in his hand as his arm shakes and the mark glows brightly]

Sam Winchester:
Dean. [Dean doesn't hear him, stares at the blade in his shaking right hand] Dean. [Sam looks from Dean's face to the blade and back, worried for his brother as Dean raises the blade to eye level and just stares at it] Hey. It's over. He's dead. [Dean still doesn't hear Sam. His gaze becomes more intent] Drop the blade, Dean. [Sam's words come to him from a distance. Crowley watches as Dean focuses more intently on the blade and his face becomes almost feral] Dean! [Finally, Dean hears Sam, but looks at him as if surprised he's there, still distracted by the power of his connection to the blade] Drop the blade. [Sam's eyes are pleading, worried as Dean's eyes and face clear, finally realizing where he is and trying to shake off the overwhelming feelings. Dean finally drops the blade, his hand shaking as he lowers it to his side. He looks down at it then up at Sam, shocked and mortified]

Crowley:
Brilliant, I must say. Speaking of myself, of course. All you two managed to do was get trussed up. Combine a little daring do on my part, some dumb muscle from Squirrel, a little bleeding from Moose. Happy ending. Roll credits.

Dean Winchester:
[Sees that the Impala has been broken into] No. No! C'mon! [Sam and Dean rush forward to check the damage] What the Hell?

Sam Winchester:
Sulfur. Demons. [Dean checks the interior while Sam checks the trunk]

Dean Winchester:
Ah! Abaddon's. Well, she's just one jump behind us. Guess she couldn't find Magnus' joint either. What about the trunk?

Sam Winchester:
Safe. Warding kept 'em out.

Dean Winchester:
[muttering] Demon mitts all over my baby. [Closes the back door and notices the scratches along the side] Oh, c'mon! [Slams the front door shut to find more scratches] What, now they're keying cars? [He goes down on his knees to check the damage, licks his thumb and rubs it along a scratch]

Sam Winchester:
What language is that?

Crowley:
It's Enokian. The message isn't for you. It's for me. [Points to the scratches while Dean briefly puts his forehead against the door dejectedly then continues to check the damage] 'Be afraid. Your queen.' Abaddon's getting more brazen. She thinks I'm losing my grip.

Sam Winchester:
Dean. [Looks down at Dean who places his head and hands against the door in a sad hug] Dean! [Dean stands up, exasperated] Listen. You said Crowley was only useful til we got the blade. [pauses while he raises his eyebrows significantly] We got the blade. [Both brothers turn to face Crowley, who immediately waves his hand and slams and pins them both against the side of the car. Sam drops the blade]

Dean Winchester:
Uh! Ahhh! [in complete frustration]

Crowley:
You know, boys. I'm in debt to you. You forced sobriety on me, and now I can see the situation for what it is. Dean, you are quite the killing machine and it occurs to me that Abaddon is not the only name on your list. My name must be up there as well. [With the flick of a finger, he pulls the blade from the ground into his hand]

Dean Winchester:
It's no good to you without me.

Crowley:
Yes, but as long as I have it, it's no good to you. Now this is the way it's going to go. I'll hang on to ol' donkey teeth here until such time as you locate Abaddon. Then, you'll destroy her. [to Sam] You're right, Moose. You can't trust me. But, sadly, I can't trust you either.

Castiel:
Well, I think we're clear for the moment. It does present a curious curl in the metaphysics, doesn't it? If you murder a monster in monster heaven, where does it go?

Benny:
And this is the crazy aunt I want to take on the road?

Castiel:
I am not your aunt.

Benny:
What? Really?

Castiel:
I have no possible relationship with your sibling offspring.

Benny:
Now you're kidding me.

Dean Winchester:
Oh, you two are killing me.

Dean Winchester:
What the hell do you know about the value of life? You're a vampire.

Benny:
Yep. And I think we both know which of our kinds killed more humans.

Castiel:
Well, statistically speaking, that'd be your...

Dean Winchester:
Yes, thank you, Cass.

Sam Winchester:
So, you think I'm creepy?

Amelia Richardson:
I think it's creepy that you buy all of your clothing at army surplus. White supremacists do that.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, but I'm *not*.

Amelia Richardson:
Drifting serial killers do that.

Sam Winchester:
Fair enough.

Sam Winchester:
You did try to kill his mother.

Dean Winchester:
I was trying to kill Crowley! Who just happened to be wearing Kevin's mother at the time.

[Sam gives annoyed look]

Dean Winchester:
Well there's a difference!

Sam Winchester:
Apparently not to Kevin. Maybe because, oh yea, it's his MOTHER!

Ennis Ross:
So you're, what, monster cops?

Dean Winchester:
Hunters.

Ennis Ross:
Then what killed my girlfriend?

Dean Winchester:
We're working on it, okay? And from what you told us, uh, the thing sounds new or Freddy Krueger.

Dean Winchester:
So you're tellin' me there are five monster families that run Chicago? What is this, "The Godfather" with fangs?

Ennis Ross:
Well, if it is, I'm gonna need all the help I can get.

Dean Winchester:
Well, he doesn't quit, I'll give him that.

David Lassiter:
Violet's not picking up.

Sam Winchester:
Wait, so this girl, she's a shifter, too?

David Lassiter:
Werewolf.

Ennis Ross, Dean Winchester:
Awesome.

Ennis Ross:
If she has her cell, we could trace the signal.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, you might be right. All right. What's her number?

David Lassiter:
Take me with you and it's all yours.

Ennis Ross:
No! Oh, hell no! Dude, he's a freakin' Transformer.

Dean Winchester:
And sometimes you got work with the bad guys to get to the worse guys.

Dean Winchester:
Agents Bonham and Peart, FBI. We will take it from here.

Freddie Costa:
Like Hell you will. Since when do the Feebs start working stabbings?

Dean Winchester:
Listen, uh, Detective. [Dean puts his hand on the Detective's shoulder like they're buddies and steers him to the door] Your, uh, perp fits a certain profile. [Deans walks him out the door] Now, I could go into detail. But, I'm- I'm not going to. [Deans smacks him on the arm, walks into the interrogation room and closes the door on him]

Dean Winchester:
[to Sam, after chopping off a vampire's head] Looks better with a little off the top, don't ya think? [chuckles]

Ennis Ross:
You're not Freddie Costa! So, who are you?

David Lassiter:
My name is David Lassiter. I'm a shape shifter.

Ennis Ross:
You're a what?

David Lassiter:
We shift our shape. It's kinda all there in the name.

David Lassiter:
Violet's not picking up.

Sam Winchester:
Wait, so this girl, she's a shifter, too?

David Lassiter:
Werewolf.

Dean Winchester, Ennis Ross:
[simultaneously] Awesome. [They give each other a look]

Ennis Ross:
If she has her cell, we could trace the signal.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, you might be right. Alright, what's her number?

David Lassiter:
Take me with you, it's all yours.

Ennis Ross:
No. [Sam and Dean look at each other] Oh, Hell no! [to Dean] Dude, he's a frickin' transformer!

Dean Winchester:
And sometimes you gotta work with the bad guys to get to the worse guys.

David Lassiter:
Dude. I'm right here.

Dean Winchester:
[Muttering, uncaring] Yeah, I see ya.

Dean Winchester:
Alright, you're with me, Romeo.

David Lassiter:
Sounds good. Buffy.

Dean Winchester:
I might be like you, and I might not. But you're the one tied up right now.

Sheriff:
What newspaper did you say you worked for?

Dean Winchester:
World Weekly News.

Sam Winchester:
Weekly World News.

Dean Winchester:
World...

Sam Winchester:
Weekly World News.

Dean Winchester:
Wor... I'm new.

Sheriff:
Get out of my office.

Sheriff:
What newspaper did you say you boys were from?

Dean Winchester:
World Weekly News.

Sam Winchester:
[correcting him] Weekly World News.

Dean Winchester:
[mumbles] Weekly Worl- [out loud] I'm new.

Dean Winchester:
You're good... you're a monster pain in the ass... but you're good.

Dean Winchester:
Wish we never took this job. It's jacked everything up.

Sam Winchester:
What do you mean?

Dean Winchester:
Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives...

Sam Winchester:
[cautious, not knowing where this is going] Okay...

Dean Winchester:
What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us...

Sam Winchester:
[compassionate] Dean, after what happened to Mom - Dad did the best he could.

Dean Winchester:
I know he did. But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate these things? And man, I hate 'em, I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill, I didn't even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it.

Sam Winchester:
You didn't kill Lenore.

Dean Winchester:
No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill 'em all.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, Dean, but you didn't. And that's what matters.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah. [silent beat, looking away] Because you're a pain in my ass.

Sam Winchester:
[smiling] Guess I might have to stick around and be a pain in the ass then.

Dean Winchester:
[Humble and dead straight] Thanks.

Sam Winchester:
Don't mention it.

[Gordon has just called Sam "Sammy"]

Sam Winchester:
[Nods his head towards Dean while looking at Gordon, sternly... ] He's the only one that gets to call me that.

Dean Winchester:
[driving his rebuilt 1967 Chevy Impala] Whoo! Listen to her purr. You ever heard anything so sweet?

Sam Winchester:
You know, if you two wanna get a room, just let me know, Dean.

Dean Winchester:
[talking to the car] Don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand us.

Sam Winchester:
Give you a couple of severed heads and pile of dead cows and you're Mr. Sunshine.

Dean Winchester:
Put the lotion in the basket.

Dean Winchester:
[about John] He was one of those guys. Took some terrible beatings, but he just kept on coming, so you're saying to yourself, "He's indestructable. Nothing can kill my dad," and then just like that... he's gone.

[Dean is talking to the Impala]

Sam Winchester:
[Amused] You know, if you two want to get a room, just let me know, Dean.

Dean Winchester:
[to the car] Aw, don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand us.

Dean Winchester:
Sam, clock me one. Come on. Come on. I won't even hit you back. Let's go. [Braces himself to be punched]

Sam Winchester:
No!

Dean Winchester:
Let's go. You get a freebie. Hit me. Come on.

Sam Winchester:
You look like you just went 12 rounds with a block of cement, Dean. [smiling, turning away] I'll take a raincheck.

Dean Winchester:
So... we're looking for some people.

Eli:
Sure, its hard to be lonely.

Dean Winchester:
So I picked up this cross bow and I hit that ugly sucker with a silver tipped arrow straight in the heart. Sammy's waiting in the car and me and my Dad take that thing into the woods and burn it to a crisp. I'm sitting there and looking into the fire and I'm thinking to myself I'm sixteen years old, kids my age worried about pimples, prom dates and I'm seeing things that they'll never even know, never even dream of. So right then I sort of...

Gordon Walker:
Embraced the life.

Sam Winchester:
[while examining a severed head] Dean, get me a bucket.

Dean Winchester:
You find something?

Sam Winchester:
No, I'm going to puke.

Sam Winchester:
[about Gordon] I - I thought you said he was a good hunter.

Ellen Harvelle:
Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter's a good psychiatrist.

Gordon Walker:
[pulling out knife to kill vampire] I just sharpened it so it's perfectly humane.

[after punching Gordon]

Dean Winchester:
Ok, I'm good now. We can go.

Gordon Walker:
I'll buy ya a drink on the flip side.

Lenore:
My name is Lenore. I'm not gonna hurt you. We just need to talk.

Sam Winchester:
Talk? Yeah, okay, but I might have a tough time paying attention to much besides Eli's teeth.

Lenore:
He won't hurt you either. You have my word.

Sam Winchester:
Your word? Oh yeah, great, thanks. Listen lady no offense, but you're not the first vampire I've met.

Lenore:
We're not like the others. We don't kill humans and we don't drink their blood. We haven't for a long time.

Sam Winchester:
What is this some kind of joke?

Lenore:
Notice you're still alive.

Sam Winchester:
[laughs] Okay uh... correct me if I'm wrong here but shouldn't you be starving to death?

Lenore:
We've found other ways, cattle blood.

Sam Winchester:
You're telling me you're responsible for all the...

Lenore:
It's not ideal. In fact, it's disgusting. But it allows us to get by.

Sam Winchester:
Uh... okay, why?

Lenore:
Survival. No deaths, no missing locals, no... reason for people like you to come looking for people like us. We blend in. Our kind is practically extinct. It turns out we weren't as high up the foodchain as we imagined.

Eli:
[to Lenore] Why are we explaining ourselves to this killer? We choke on cow's blood so that none of them suffer. Tonight they murder Conrad and they celebrate it!

Lenore:
Eli, that's enough!

Sam Winchester:
Yeah Eli, that's enough.

Lenore:
What's done is done. We're leaving this town tonight.

Sam Winchester:
Then why did you bring me here? Why are you even talking to me?

Lenore:
Believe me I'd rather not, but I know your kind. Once you have the scent, you'll keep tracking us. It doesn't matter where we go... hunters will find us.

Sam Winchester:
So, you're asking us not to follow you?

Lenore:
We have a right to live. We're not hurting anyone.

Sam Winchester:
Right. So you keep saying. But give me one good reason why I should believe you.

Lenore:
[leans in very close to Sam's face] Fine, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to let you go. Eli, take him back... not a mark on him.

[Jill has been killed by Bloody Mary]

Charlie:
[sobbing]... And they found her on the bathroom floor, and h-h-her, her *eyes*... they were g-gone.

Sam Winchester:
I'm sorry.

Charlie:
And she said it! I heard her say it! But it couldn't be because of that. I'm insane, right?

Dean Winchester:
No, you're not insane.

Charlie:
[softly] Oh God, that makes me feel so much worse.

Sam Winchester:
Look, we think something's happening here. Something that can't be explained.

Dean Winchester:
And we're gonna stop it.

[Dean chuckles]

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
Nothing.

Sam Winchester:
Dean. What?

Dean Winchester:
Dude you... You like full on had a girl inside you for like a whole week.

[Dean chuckles]

Dean Winchester:
It's pretty naughty.

Sam Winchester:
[possessed by demon] Hell is like, well, it's hell.

Bobby Singer:
Don't try to con a con man.

Dean Winchester:
I'll call you later.

[he leaves]

Jo Harvelle:
No you won't.

Sam Winchester:
My daddy shot your daddy in the head.

Dean Winchester:
Hi, so sorry to bother you but my son snuck out of the house last night and went to a Justin Timberlake concert... What?... Uh yeah... Justin's quite the triple threat.

Sam Winchester:
Dean... back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach.

[Sam wants Dean to shot him so he won't kill anyone else]

Dean Winchester:
You know, I've fought so hard to keep you safe.

Sam Winchester:
I know.

Dean Winchester:
I can't. I'd rather die.

Sam Winchester:
Dean, back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach.

Dean Winchester:
How bout I smack that smartass right out of your mouth?

Sam Winchester:
Oh, careful now... wouldn't want to bruise this fine packaging

Sam Winchester:
You really think that's what this is about? The Master plan? I don't give a rat's ass about the Master plan.

Sam Winchester:
To Jo: My daddy shot your daddy in the head.

Dean Winchester:
You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora. I think the scariest part of this whole thing is the fact that you're a Bon Jovi fan.

Clerk:
What am I speaking? Urdu?

Dean Winchester:
But, it wasn't *you*! Alright? I mean, yeah, it might have been you, but it wasn't *you*.

[Sam was possessed by a demon who was torturing Dean by punching him, grinding his fingers into his gunshot wound and taunting him about his grief over the loss of their father and his fear of not being able to save Sam. Dean and Bobby have just exorcised Sam of the demon]

Dean Winchester:
[In pain and exhausted] Sammy?

Sam Winchester:
Did I miss anything? [Dean uses all the strength he has left to punch Sam, then falls over]

Bobby Singer:
Here. Take these.

Sam Winchester:
What are they?

Bobby Singer:
Charms. They'll fend off possession. That demon's still out there. This'll stop it from gettin' back up in ya.

Dean Winchester:
That sounds vaguely dirty, but thanks.

Sheriff:
You worked some pretty dark stuff in your day, haven't you, agent? Must've left some quite of mark.

Dean Winchester:
Oh, you have no idea.

Crowley:
Who summons anymore? Couldn't you call?

Castiel:
You're not in my contacts list.

Sam Winchester:
What did Death call this?

Dean Winchester:
The Darkness.

Dean Winchester:
So what are you saying, that Dad was disappointed in you?

Sam Winchester:
Was? Is. Always has been.

Dean Winchester:
Why would you think that?

Sam Winchester:
Because, I didn't want to bow-hunt. Or hustle pool. Because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which in *our* whacked-out family made *me* the freak.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah you were kinda like the blonde chick in The Munsters!

Sam Winchester:
So a bunch of skeletons in an unmarked grave...

Dean Winchester:
Yeah. Maybe this is a haunting. Pissed-off spirits with some unfinished business?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah maybe. The question is, why bugs? And why now?

Dean Winchester:
Uh, that's two questions...

Dean Winchester:
We got a new gig, or what?

Sam Winchester:
Maybe. Oasis Plains, Oklahoma. Not far from here. Gas company employee. Dustin Burwash, supposedly died from Creutzfeldt-Jakob.

Dean Winchester:
Huh?

Sam Winchester:
Human mad cow disease.

Dean Winchester:
Mad cow. Wasn't that on Oprah?

Sam Winchester:
[giving him a look] You watch Oprah?

Sam Winchester:
We're gonna squat in an empty house?

Dean Winchester:
I wanna try the steam shower.

Matt Pike:
Sorry, I told the truth.

Dean Winchester:
We had a plan, Matt. What happened to the plan?

Dean Winchester:
Growing up in a place like this would freak me out.

Sam Winchester:
Why?

Dean Winchester:
The manicured lawns. 'How was your day, Honey'. I'd blow my brains out!

Sam Winchester:
There's nothing wrong with normal.

Dean Winchester:
I'd take our family over normal any day.

[after Sam checks out the sinkhole where Dustin Burwash died]

Dean Winchester:
[sarcastic] So you found some beetles, in a hole, in the ground. That's shocking, Sam!

Sam Winchester:
There were no tunnels, no tracks, no evidence of any other kind of creature down there. You know, some beetles do eat meat. Now it's usually *dead* meat, but...

Dean Winchester:
How many did you find down there?

Sam Winchester:
Ten.

Dean Winchester:
It'd take a whole lot more than that to eat out some dude's brain.

Sam Winchester:
Well maybe there were more!

Sam Winchester:
[about Larry with his son] Remind you of somebody?

[Dean looks at them, confused]

Sam Winchester:
Dad?

Dean Winchester:
[surprised] Dad never treated us like that.

Sam Winchester:
[laughs] Well Dad never treated YOU like that, you were perfect. He was all over my case. [Dean thinks about it, shakes his head] You don't remember.

Dean Winchester:
Well, maybe he had to raise his voice, but sometimes you were out of line!

Sam Winchester:
[sarcastic] Right, right, like when I said I'd rather play soccer than learn bow-hunting.

Dean Winchester:
Bow-hunting's an important skill!

[Sam and Dean are posing as potential homeowners]

Lynda Bloome:
Well, let me just say that we accept homeowners of any race, religion, color or... [looks at Sam and Dean] sexual orientation.

Dean Winchester:
Hmm, right. [to Sam] I'm gonna go talk to Larry. Okay, honey? [slaps Sam on the ass]

Dean Winchester:
The shower's awesome!

Larry Pike:
So you two are interested in Oasis Plains.

Dean Winchester:
Yes sir!

Larry Pike:
Let me just say, we accept homeowners of any race, religion, color, or... sexual orientation. [Sam chuckles]

Dean Winchester:
[quickly] We're brothers.

Sam Winchester:
Our father is getting on in years, and we're just lookin' for a place for him.

Larry Pike:
Great! Great, well, seniors are welcome too. Come on in.

Sam Winchester:
[about Lynda Bloome being killed by spiders] You tried to scare her with a spider.

Matt Pike:
Wait, you think I had something to do with that?

Dean Winchester:
You tell us.

Matt Pike:
That tarantula was a *joke*. Anyway, that wouldn't explain the bee attack, or the gas company guy.

Sam Winchester:
You know about those?

Matt Pike:
There *is* somethin' goin' on here. I dunno what, but... something's happening with the insects. Lemme show you somethin'. [they start walking through the woods]

Sam Winchester:
So if you knew about all this bug stuff, why not tell your Dad? Maybe he could clear everybody out.

Matt Pike:
Believe me I've tried, but uh, "Larry" doesn't listen to me.

Sam Winchester:
Why not?

Matt Pike:
Mostly? He's too disappointed in his freak son.

[Matt brings them to a clearing in the woods; insects are heard all around]

Matt Pike:
I've been keeping track of insect populations, it's um, part of an AP science class.

Dean Winchester:
You two are like peas in a pod.

Sam Winchester:
What's been happening?

Matt Pike:
Well, a lot. I mean, from bees to earthworms, uh, beetles, you name it, it's like they're congregating here.

Dean Winchester:
Why?

Matt Pike:
I don't know. [Sam notices a dark mound of earth at the other edge of the clearing]

Sam Winchester:
What's that? [they walk over to it; Dean taps it with a foot, a chunk collapses into a hole; Dean pokes around in it with a stick, hitting something hard]

Dean Winchester:
There's something down there. [he reaches in, trying to dislodge it] Come on, come on... [he unearths a human skull]

[Dean and Sam find an old Indian playing cards in a diner]

Sam Winchester:
Joe White Tree? [he nods] We'd like to ask you a few questions, if that's all right.

Dean Winchester:
We're students from the university.

Joe White Tree:
No you're not. You're lying.

Dean Winchester:
Um. Well, truth is...

Joe White Tree:
You know who starts sentence with "truth is"? Liars. [Dean looks at Sam]

Sam Winchester:
Have you heard of Oasis Plains? It's a housing development, near the Otoka Valley. [White Tree looks at Dean]

Joe White Tree:
I like him. He's not a liar.

Sam Winchester:
Something... Something bad, is happening in Oasis Plains. We think, it might have something to do with some old bones we found down there. Native American bones.

Joe White Tree:
[nodding] I'll tell you what my grandfather told me. What his grandfather told him. Two hundred years ago, a band of my ancestors lived in that valley. One day, American cavalry came to relocate them. They were resistant, the cavalry impatient. As my grandfather put it, on a night the moon and the sun shared the sky as equals, the cavalry first raided our village. They murdered, raped... The next day, the cavalry came again, and the next and the next. And on the sixth night the cavalry came one last time, and by the time the sun rose, every man, woman and child still in the village was dead. They say on the sixth night as the chief of the village lay dying, he whispered to the heavens, that no white man would ever tarnish this land again. Nature would rise up and protect the valley. And it would bring as many days of misery and death to the white man, as the cavalry had brought upon his people.

Dean Winchester:
Insects. Sounds like nature to me. Six days.

Joe White Tree:
And on the night of the sixth day, none would survive.

Sam Winchester:
So every year about this time, anybody in Oasis Plains is in danger. Larry built his neighborhood on cursed land.

Dean Winchester:
And on the sixth night, that's tonight!

Sam Winchester:
If we don't do something, Larry's family will be dead by sunrise. So how do we break the curse?

Dean Winchester:
You don't break a curse. You get out of its way. We gotta get those people out, now.

Matt Pike:
[on cell] Hello?

Sam Winchester:
Matt, it's Sam!

Matt Pike:
[freaked] Sam, my backyard's crawling with cockroaches!

Sam Winchester:
Matt, just listen, you have to get your family out of that house, right now, okay?

Matt Pike:
What, why?

Sam Winchester:
Because something's coming.

Matt Pike:
More bugs.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, a lot more.

Matt Pike:
My Dad doesn't listen in the best of circumstances, what am I supposed to tell him?

Sam Winchester:
You gotta *make* him listen, okay?

Dean Winchester:
Gimme the phone, gimme the phone! [Sam hands him the cell] Matt! Under no circumstances are you to tell the truth, he'll just think you're nuts!

Matt Pike:
But, but he's my...

Dean Winchester:
Tell him you have a sharp pain in your right side and you gotta go to the hospital, okay?

Matt Pike:
Yeah. Yeah, okay. [hangs up]

Dean Winchester:
[to Sam] Make him listen. What're you thinkin'?

Larry Pike:
Get off my property before I call the cops!

Sam Winchester:
Mr. Pike, listen...

Matt Pike:
Dad, they're just trying to help!

Larry Pike:
[to Matt] Get in the house!

Matt Pike:
Sorry, I... told him the truth.

Dean Winchester:
We had a plan, Matt, what happened to the plan?

Sam Winchester:
Look, it's twelve am. They are coming, any minute now. You need to get your family and *go*, before it's too late!

Larry Pike:
[sarcastic] Oh yeah, you mean before the Biblical swarm.

Dean Winchester:
Larry, what do you think really happened to that realtor? Huh? And the gas company guy. You don't think somethin' weird's goin' on around here?

Larry Pike:
Look, I don't know who you are, but you're crazy. You come near my boy or my family again, we're gonna have a problem!

Dean Winchester:
Well, I hate to be a downer, but we got a problem right now.

Matt Pike:
Dad, they're right, okay? We're in danger!

Larry Pike:
Matt, get inside, now!

Matt Pike:
No! Why won't you listen to me?

Larry Pike:
Because this is crazy, it doesn't make any sense!

Sam Winchester:
Look! This land is *cursed*! People have *died* here! Now you're really gonna take that risk with your *family*?

Dean Winchester:
Wait. Do you hear it? [a buzzing noise]

Larry Pike:
What the hell? [the bug zapper starts crackling with insects]

Larry Pike:
All right, it's time to go. Larry, get your wife. [Larry starts for the door]

Matt Pike:
Guys? [a cloud of insects swarms over the tree-line]

Larry Pike:
Oh my God...

Sam Winchester:
We'll never make it.

Dean Winchester:
Everybody in the house! Go! [they run]

Sam Winchester:
I want to find Dad.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, me too.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, but I just... I wanna apologize to him.

Dean Winchester:
For what?

Sam Winchester:
All the things I said to him. He was just doin' the best he could.

Dean Winchester:
Well, don't worry, we'll find him. And you'll apologize... and then within five minutes you'll be at each others' throats. [Sam laughs]

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, probably. Let's hit the road.

Dean Winchester:
Let's.

Dean Winchester:
Man. Work, work, work. No time to spend my money.

Samuel Campbell:
Is this what you boys do? Sit around and watch porno's with angels?

Castiel:
We're not supposed to talk about it.

Castiel:
[while watching porn] That's very complex

Dean Winchester:
M-hm

Castiel:
If the pizzaman truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? [pauses] Perhaps she's done something wrong.

Dean Winchester:
You're watching porn? Why?

Castiel:
It was there.

Dean Winchester:
You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes. And... you don't talk about it. Just turn it off.

Castiel:
[Looks between his legs]

Dean Winchester:
Oh, now he's got a boner

Dean Winchester:
[Sam and Dean wake up tied to chairs facing one another] What now?

Sam Winchester:
I think I know who you can ask.

Dean Winchester:
[Looks over his shoulder] Evil b*tch.

Meg:
Keep sweet-talking me; this could go a whole new direction.

Dean Winchester:
Meg. I've been dying to see you again.

Meg:
Well, here I am, big boy. So what should we do now?

Dean Winchester:
How 'bout I rip you to shreds?

Meg:
Kinky, I like. But a little Q n' A first if you don't mind. Now where's your boss?

Meg:
I'll hold off the dogs.

Dean Winchester:
Well, how are you gonna do that exactl - - [Meg pulls Castiel into a kiss and reaches into his trench coat. They pull apart, and Castiel spins Meg around, pushes her against the wall, and kisses her again]

Meg:
[Almost dreamily] What was that?

Castiel:
[Looks at Dean and Sam, who are dumbfounded] I learned that from the pizza man.

Meg:
Well, A plus for you. I feel so... clean.

Crowley:
Castiel. Haven't seen you all season. You the calvary now?

Crowley:
What's in the gift bag?

Castiel:
[pulls out a skull] You are.

Sam Winchester:
When angels and demons agree on something, call me nuts, I'd pay attention!

Dean Winchester:
Sam?

Sam Winchester:
Yea?

Dean Winchester:
I'm standing in pee!

Sam Winchester:
Consider yourself lucky.

Dean Winchester:
Yikes. That's gross.

Crowley:
[about Samuel] Best purchase I've made since Dick Cheney.

Dean Winchester:
[to Meg] Karma's a b*tch, b*tch.

Samuel Campbell:
Tell me, what exactly are you supposed to be to me?

Dean Winchester:
I'll tell you who I am. I'm the guy you never wanna see again. 'Cause I'll make it out of here, trust me. The next time you see me, I'll be there to kill you.

Samuel Campbell:
Don't think there's gonna be a next time.

Dean Winchester:
Whatever gets you through the night.

Crowley:
[Realizing he is stuck in a demon trap] So, do what to I owe the reach around?

Meg:
[Meg walks in] Crowley.

Crowley:
Whore.

Castiel:
[Sees Meg and the demons that he, Sam and Dean will be working with] Why are we working with these... [like a dirty word] abominations?

Meg:
Keep talking dirty, makes my meat-suit all dewy.

Meg:
[Strapped to a metal bed being tortured with the demon knife] You know, you're sticking that thing in all the wrong places.

Christian Campbell:
Really? You sure were squealing.

Meg:
Knock yourself out. It's a host body. Some girl from Sheboygan, moved to LA to be an actress. It's probably not even the worst thing that ever happened to her.

[Meg screams as Christian continues torturing her with Ruby's knife, then suddenly starts laughing]

Christian Campbell:
What are you laughing at?

[Dean appears behind him, grabs the knife out of his hand and stabs him in the back]

Meg:
Dean Winchester's behind you, meatsack.

Sam Winchester:
So.

Dean Winchester:
Yep. Bunker's haunted.

Sam Winchester:
You feel that? I think I felt a chill.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah. It's cuz it's cold. [holding his cell, leaving a voicemail] Crowley. It's Dean. Call me when you get this.

Sam Winchester:
Really, Dean?

Dean Winchester:
What?

Sam Winchester:
That's your third unanswered voicemail. You ever think... maybe he's just not that into you?

Dean Winchester:
Well, his is our last confirmed link to Miss Tran. Yes, he is a flaming douche. But, at least we know he's real which is more than we can say for this Candy no show.

Kevin Tran:
Hey, before I go, would you guys promise me something?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah.

Sam Winchester:
Anything.

Kevin Tran:
Can you two... get over it? Dudes. Just cuz you couldn't see me doesn't mean I couldn't see you. The drama? The fighting? It's stupid. My Mom's taking home a ghost. You two... you're both still here.

Sam Winchester:
Of course. Promise.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah.

Kevin Tran:
Good. [He leaves]

Dean Winchester:
Well, that was- [turns to see Sam leaving the room] Yeah, okay.

[looking at a gigantic sandwich]

Dean Winchester:
I'm gonna need a bigger mouth.

Sam Winchester:
What are you watching?

Dean Winchester:
Some kind of hospital show. "Dr. Sexy, M.D." It's based on a book.

Sam Winchester:
[laughs] When did you hit menopause?

Dean Winchester:
It's called channel surfing!

Dean Winchester:
Just desserts. Sweet tooth. Screwin' with people before you kill 'em... We're dealin' with the Trickster aren't we?

Sam Winchester:
Sure looks like.

Dean Winchester:
Good. Been wantin' to gank that mother since Mystery Spot.

Sam Winchester:
You sure?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah I'm sure!

Sam Winchester:
No I mean, are you sure you wanna kill him?

Dean Winchester:
Sonofabitch didn't think twice about icing me. A *thousand* times.

Sam Winchester:
No, I, I mean, I'm just sayin'...

Dean Winchester:
What *are* you saying? You don't wanna kill him, then what?

Sam Winchester:
Talk to him?

Dean Winchester:
[bewildered] What?

Sam Winchester:
Look, think about it, Dean. He's one of the most powerful creatures we've ever met. Maybe we can use him.

Dean Winchester:
For what?

Sam Winchester:
Okay, Trickster's like a, like a Hugh Hefner type, right? Wine, women, song? Maybe he doesn't want the party to end! I mean, maybe he hates this angels and demons stuff as much as we do. Maybe he'll help us.

Dean Winchester:
You're serious.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah!

Dean Winchester:
Ally with the Trickster.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah.

Dean Winchester:
A... bloody, violent monster, and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy.

Sam Winchester:
The world is gonna end, Dean. We don't have the luxury of a moral stand. Look, I'm just sayin', it's worth a shot. That's all. If it doesn't work, we'll kill him.

Dean Winchester:
We're *in* "Dr. Sexy, M.D." Dude, what the hell?

Sam Winchester:
I don't know.

Dean Winchester:
Seriously, what the hell!

Sam Winchester:
I don't know!

Dean Winchester:
One theory, any theory!

Sam Winchester:
Uh, the Trickster trapped us in TV Land.

Dean Winchester:
That's your theory? That's stupid!

Sam Winchester:
Dean, how can this *possibly* be real?

Dean Winchester:
I don't know, all right! Oh, but there goes Dr. Wang, the sexy but arrogant heart surgeon. And there's Johnny Drake. Well, he's not even alive, he's a ghost in the mind of... of her. The sexy but *neurotic* doctor over there.

Sam Winchester:
So... *this* show has ghosts? Why?

Dean Winchester:
I don't know. It *is* compelling.

Sam Winchester:
I thought you said you weren't a fan.

Dean Winchester:
I'm not. I'm not! Oh boy...

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
[grinning, star-struck] It's him.

Sam Winchester:
Who?

Dean Winchester:
It's him, it's Dr. Sexy!

Dean Winchester:
[notices the doctor's footwear, slams him against the wall] You're not Dr. Sexy.

Dr. Sexy:
You're crazy.

Dean Winchester:
Really? Because I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy, is the fact that he wears cowboy boots. Not tennis shoes!

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, you're not a fan...

Dean Winchester:
It's a guilty pleasure!

Dr. Sexy:
[to passersby] Call security.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, go ahead pal. See, we know what you are. [their surroundings freeze, Dr. Sexy morphs into the Trickster]

Trickster:
You guys are getting better!

Dean Winchester:
Get us the hell outta here.

Trickster:
Or what? Don't see your wooden stakes, big guy.

Sam Winchester:
That was you on the police scanner, right? And this is a trick.

Trickster:
[pointing to himself] Helloooo? Trickster! Come on, I heard you two yahoos were in town, how could I resist?

Sam Winchester:
We need to talk to you. We need your help.

Trickster:
Hmmm. Lemme guess. You two mutton-heads broke the world, and you want me to sweep up your mess.

Sam Winchester:
Please, just five minutes. Hear us out.

Trickster:
Sure. Tell you what. Survive the next twenty-four hours, we'll talk.

Dean Winchester:
Survive what?

Trickster:
The Game!

Dean Winchester:
What game?

Trickster:
You're in it!

Dean Winchester:
How do we play?

Trickster:
You're playing it.

Dean Winchester:
What're the rules? [Trickster wiggles his eyebrows and vanishes, the surroundings move] Oh, son of a *b*tch*.

[Dean has been shot, Sam is his surgeon]

Dean Winchester:
Sam! Do somethin', come on!

Sam Winchester:
I don't know how to use any of this crap!

Dean Winchester:
Figure it out! Sam! Come on, I'm waiting!

Sam Winchester:
Okay, um, I need a... penknife, some dental floss, a sewing needle, and a fifth of whiskey! Stat!

[Dean and Sam are trapped in a Japanese game show, there is a loud knocking noise]

Dean Winchester:
Oh now what? [the doors open, Castiel enters] Cas?

Sam Winchester:
Is this another trick?

Castiel:
It's me! [looks around, confused] Uh, what are you doing here?

Dean Winchester:
Us? What are *you* doing here?

Castiel:
Looking for you, you've been missing for days!

Sam Winchester:
So get us the hell outta here, then!

Castiel:
[reaching for them] Let's go! [He blips out, vanishing]

Dean Winchester:
Cas?

Game Show Host:
No no no no. Mr. Trickster does not like pretty-boy angels!

Dean Winchester:
How long do we have to keep doin' this? [laughter]

Sam Winchester:
[tense smile] I dunno. Maybe forever? We might die in here. [laughter]

Dean Winchester:
[addressing the unseen audience] How is that funny? Vultures.

[Castiel enters, looking worse for wear]

Dean Winchester:
You okay?

Castiel:
I don't have much time.

Sam Winchester:
What happened?

Castiel:
I got out.

Dean Winchester:
From where?

Castiel:
Listen to me! Something is not right, this thing is much more powerful than it should be.

Dean Winchester:
What thing, the Trickster?

Castiel:
If it *is* a Trickster.

Sam Winchester:
What do you mean? [Castiel gets flung against the wall, the Trickster enters, applause]

Trickster:
Hello! Thank you! Thank you! Please, stop. [Castiel gets up, his mouth is taped shut]

Trickster:
[brightly] Hey, Castiel! [the Trickster flicks a hand, Castiel vanishes]

Sam Winchester:
You know him?

Dean Winchester:
Where did you just send him?

Trickster:
Relax. He'll live. [pause] Maybe.

Dean Winchester:
[angry, advancing] All right, you know what? I'm done with the monkey dance. 'Kay? We get it.

Trickster:
Yeah? Get what, Hot Shot?

Dean Winchester:
Playing our roles, right? That's your game?

Trickster:
That's *half* the game.

Sam Winchester:
What's the other half?

Trickster:
Play your roles, out there.

Dean Winchester:
What's that supposed to mean?

Trickster:
Oh you know! Sam, starring as Lucifer! Dean, starring as Michael! You're Celebrity Deathmatch! Play your roles!

Sam Winchester:
[disbelieving] You want us to say "yes" to those sonsabitches?

Trickster:
*Hells* yeah! Let's light this candle!

Sam Winchester:
We do that, the world will *end*!

Trickster:
Yeah? And... whose fault is that? Who popped Lucifer outta the box? Hm? Look. It's started. You started it. It can't be stopped. So let's get it over with!

Dean Winchester:
Heaven or Hell, which side you on?

Trickster:
I'm not on either side.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah right. You're grabbin' ankle for Michael or Lucifer, which one is it?

Trickster:
[huffs a laugh] You listen to me, you arrogant dick. I don't work for either of those SOBs. Believe me.

Dean Winchester:
Hm. Oh, you're somebody's b*tch. [Trickster grabs Dean and slams him against the door]

Trickster:
[fiercely] Don't you ever, *ever* presume to know what I am. Now listen very closely. Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you!

Sam Winchester:
And if we don't?

Trickster:
Then you'll stay here in TV Land. Forever. Three hundred channels and ah, nothin's on. [he snaps his fingers, the scene changes]

Sam Winchester:
You gotta calm down.

Dean Winchester:
Calm down? I am wearing *sunglasses* at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags! I *hate* this game! I hate that we're in a procedural cop show, and you want to know why? Because I *hate* procedural cop shows! There's like three hundred of 'em on television, they're all the freakin' same, it's "ooh, a plane crashed here," oh shut up!

Dean Winchester:
I'm worried, man. What that SOB did to Cas. Y'know, where is he? [looks around the motel room, Sam is missing] Sam? Where are you? [calling Sam's cell as he walks out to the car] Sam, it's me. [getting in the car] Where the hell did you go?

Sam Winchester:
Dean? [Dean looks around, the car is empty]

Dean Winchester:
Sam? Where are you?

Sam Winchester:
I don't know. [Dean notices a console in the dash a la Knight Rider, Sam's voice is coming from it] Oh crap. I don't think we killed the Trickster. [cut to Dean driving Sam a la Knight Rider opening]

Dean Winchester:
Okay, stake didn't work. So what, this another trick?

Sam Winchester:
I don't know. Maybe the stake didn't work because it's not a trickster?

Dean Winchester:
What do you mean?

Sam Winchester:
You heard Cas. He said this thing was too powerful to *be* a trickster.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, and did you notice the way he looked at Cas? Almost like he knew him.

Sam Winchester:
And how pissed he got when you brought up Michael and Lucifer.

Dean Winchester:
Son of a b*tch.

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
I think I know what we're dealin' with.

[Dean is rummaging in Impala-Sam's trunk]

Sam Winchester:
Dean?

Dean Winchester:
[irritably] What?

Sam Winchester:
That, uh, feels really... uncomfortable. [Dean slams the trunk lid down] Ow.

Sam Winchester:
[stuck as the Impala] You sure this is gonna work?

Dean Winchester:
No but I have no other ideas. [yells at the sky] All right you sonofabitch! Uncle! We'll do it!

Sam Winchester:
Should I honk? [the Trickster appears]

Trickster:
Wow. Sam, get a load of the rims on you.

Sam Winchester:
Eat me.

Trickster:
[whistles] Okay, boys. Ready to go quietly?

Dean Winchester:
Wo-wo-woah, not so fast. Nobody's goin' anywhere until Sam has opposable thumbs.

Trickster:
What's the difference? Satan's gonna ride his ass one way or another. [Dean gives him a look, the Trickster snaps his fingers, Sam steps out of the car] Happy?

Dean Winchester:
Tell me one thing. Why didn't the stake kill you?

Trickster:
I *am* the Trickster.

Dean Winchester:
But maybe you're not. [Sam flicks a lighter, throws it down; a ring of holy fire goes up around the Trickster] Maybe you've always been an angel.

Trickster:
[laughs] A *what*? Somebody slip a mickey in your power shake, kid?

Dean Winchester:
I'll tell you what. You just jump out of the holy fire and, we'll call it our mistake. [Trickster laughs, then turns sober and the scene flips back to the empty warehouse]

Trickster:
[claps] Well played, boys. Well played. Where'd you get the holy oil?

Dean Winchester:
Well you might say we pulled it outta Sam's ass.

Trickster:
Where'd I screw up?

Sam Winchester:
You didn't. Nobody gets the jump on Cas like you did.

Dean Winchester:
Mostly it was the way you talked about Armageddon.

Trickster:
Meaning?

Dean Winchester:
Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talkin' about their own family.

Sam Winchester:
So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy or Douchey?

Trickster:
Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel.

Dean Winchester:
Okay, Gabriel. How does an Archangel become a trickster?

Trickster:
My own, private, witness protection. I skipped outta Heaven, had a face transplant, carved out my own little corner of the world. 'Til you two screwed it all up.

Dean Winchester:
And what'd Daddy say when you ran off and joined the pagans?

Trickster:
Daddy doesn't say anything about anything.

Sam Winchester:
Then what happened? Why'd you ditch?

Dean Winchester:
Well do you blame him? I mean his brothers are heavy-weight douche-nozzles.

Trickster:
[furious] Shut your cake-hole. You don't know anything about my family. I *loved* my father, and my brothers. Loved them! But watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? I couldn't bear it! Okay? So I left. And now it's happening all over again.

Sam Winchester:
Then help us stop it!

Trickster:
It can't be stopped!

Dean Winchester:
You want to see the end of the world?

Trickster:
I want it to be *over*! I have to sit back and watch my brothers kill each other, thanks to you two! Heaven, Hell, I don't care who wins! I just want it to be over!

Sam Winchester:
It doesn't have to be like that! There has to be some way to, to pull the plug!

Trickster:
[laughing] Oh-ho-ho-ho, you do *not* know my family. What you guys call the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner! That's why there's no stopping this. Because this isn't about a war, it's about two brothers who loved each other, and *betrayed* each other! You think you'd be able to relate!

Sam Winchester:
[confused] What're you talkin' about?

Trickster:
[looks from one to the other, whistles] You sorry sonsabitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it! Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father. And Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was *always* you! As it is in Heaven, so it must be on Earth! One brother has to kill the other.

Dean Winchester:
So what the hell are you saying?

Trickster:
Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always.

Dean Winchester:
No. That's not gonna happen.

Trickster:
[sadly] I'm sorry. But it is. Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow. But this is real. And it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be.

Trickster:
So, boys, now what? Stare at each other for the rest of eternity?

Dean Winchester:
Well first of all you're gonna bring Cas back from wherever you stashed him.

Trickster:
[sarcastic] Oh am I?

Dean Winchester:
[angry] Yeah. Or we're going to *dunk* you in some holy oil, and deep-fry ourselves an archangel! [Gabriel snaps his fingers, Castiel appears, injured and breathing hard]

Dean Winchester:
Cas, you okay?

Castiel:
[glaring at the archangel] I'm fine. Hello Gabriel.

Trickster:
Hey bro. How's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess: awful.

Dean Winchester:
Okay, we're outta here. C'mon Sam. [they start towards the door]

Trickster:
[in growing panic] Uh... okay. Hey, guys? So, so what? Huh? You're just gonna, you're gonna leave me here forever?

Dean Winchester:
No. We're not. Because we don't *screw* with people the way you do. And for the record? This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers, or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about *you* bein' too afraid to stand up to your family! [Gabriel stares at him; Dean pulls the extinguisher lever, putting out the holy fire] Don't say I never did anything for you!

Dean Winchester:
No guts, no glory.

Dean Winchester:
Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.

Dean Winchester:
It takes two to... you know... have hardcore sex.

Sam Winchester:
Dean, what is it?

Dean Winchester:
I'm sorry.

Sam Winchester:
You...? For what?

Dean Winchester:
The way I've been acting.

[long beat]

Dean Winchester:
And for dad. I mean he was your dad too, and it's my fault that he's gone.

Sam Winchester:
What are you talking about?

Dean Winchester:
I know you've been thinking it, so have I. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, full recovery. It was a miracle, and five minutes later dad's dead and the colt's gone.

Sam Winchester:
Dean...

Dean Winchester:
You can't tell me there's not a a connection there. I don't know how the demon was involved. I don't know how the whole thing went down exactly, but dad's dead because of me and that much I do know.

Sam Winchester:
We don't know that, not for sure.

Dean Winchester:
Sam, you and dad, you're the most important people in my life. And now... I never should have come back Sam, it wasn't natural, and now look whats come of it. I was dead and I should've stayed dead. You wanted to know I was feeling, well thats it. So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that alright?

Dean Winchester:
What's dead should stay dead - didn't you see Pet Sematary?

Dean Winchester:
Sam, if you bring up dad's death one more time, I swear...

Sam Winchester:
Please, Dean, it's killing you, please. We've already lost dad, we've lost mom, I've lost Jessica. And now I'm gonna lose you too?

Dean Winchester:
We better get out of here before the cops come. I hear you, okay? Yeah, I'm being an ass and I'm sorry.

[Sam nods]

Dean Winchester:
But right now we got a freaking zombie running around, we need to figure out how to kill it.

[Sam smiles]

Dean Winchester:
Right?

Sam Winchester:
Our lives are weird, man.

Dean Winchester:
You're telling me. Come on.

Dean Winchester:
[giving another fake name] My name's Alan, Alan Stanwick.

Dean Winchester:
Damn, that dead chick can run!

Dean Winchester:
[Dean and Sam are discussing how to kill a zombie]

Dean Winchester:
We can't just waste her with a headshot?

Sam Winchester:
Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks.

Dean Winchester:
You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke 'em?

Sam Winchester:
No, Dean, I'm telling you there's too much. I mean there's a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them. Some say setting them on fire, one said... where is it? Right here: feeding their hearts to wild dogs. That's my personal favorite. But who knows what's real and what's myth?

Dean Winchester:
Is there anything they all have in common?

Sam Winchester:
No, but a few said silver might work.

Sam Winchester:
Silver bullets?

Dean Winchester:
I've got enough to make her rattle like a change purse.

[Re-burrying Angela's corpse]

Sam Winchester:
Rest in peace.

Dean Winchester:
For good this time, okay?

Dean Winchester:
This is where he keeps his porn.

Sam Winchester:
Do you think she's in?

Dean Winchester:
Nah I think she went out to rent beaches.

Sam Winchester:
Look smart ass she might kill someone.

Sam Winchester:
Did we have to use me as bait?

Dean Winchester:
I figured you were more her type. She had pretty crappy taste in guys.

Martin Creaser:
[to Benny, holding a knife against Elizabeth's throat] Lay down your arms, you unholy thing!

Benny:
[Softly, holding his arms open to show his hands are empty] You got me here now. Why don't you just let her go and walk away?

Martin Creaser:
I don't think so.

Benny:
You realize I'm not asking.

Sparrow Jennings:
What were they like?

Dean Winchester:
They were grabby incandescent douche bags.

Sam Winchester:
Talk to me. What happened?

Dean Winchester:
Well, uh... There was this, uh... God help me, Sam, there was this bright white light.

Sam Winchester:
It's okay. Safe room.

Dean Winchester:
And then - and suddenly, I was, uh... I w- I was in a different place. And there were these beings. And they - they were - they were too bright to look at. But I-I could feel them pulling me toward this sort of... table.

Sam Winchester:
Probing table!

Dean Winchester:
God, don't say that out loud!

Sam Winchester:
Right. Uh, so what did you do?

Dean Winchester:
I went... crazy. I started hacking and slashing and slashing and firing. They - they actually seemed surprised. I-I-I don't think anybody's ever done that before. Yeah. I had a close encounter, Sam. And I won.

Sam Winchester:
You should take a shower.

Dean Winchester:
I *should* take a shower. I gonna - I gonna take a shower now.

Dean Winchester:
[looks at Fairy] Nipples?

Dean Winchester:
[into a phone while running from a light] Holy sh...! UFO! UFO!

Sam Winchester:
[into his phone] Whoa, dude, stop yelling. You're breaking up. I didn't catch that last part.

Dean Winchester:
Close encounter! Close encounter!

Sam Winchester:
Close encounter? What kind? First, second?

Dean Winchester:
They're after me!

Sam Winchester:
Third kind already? You better run, man. I think the fourth kind's a butt thing.

Dean Winchester:
Empathy, Sam! Empathy!

Dean Winchester:
Ok. Alright. But until we get you back on the soul train, I'll be your conscious. Ok?

Sam Winchester:
So your saying... you'll be my... Jiminy Cricket.

Dean Winchester:
[pause] Shut up. But yeah, you freaking puppet. That's exactly what I'm saying.

Dean Winchester:
Do not engage with, maim, or in any way kill Brennan. In fact I don't want you making any judgement calls whatsoever. If anything comes us, call me.

Sam Winchester:
You know Jiminey I was on my own for a whole year. I did fine without you.

Dean Winchester:
Yea, i dont wanna know your definition of fine.

Dean Winchester:
God is it on me? I feel like I got the crazy on me!

Sam Winchester:
My brother was abducted by aliens, I'm pretty good on the proof part.

Sparrow Jennings:
Your brother was abducted by aliens?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah.

Sparrow Jennings:
Oh my god!

Sam Winchester:
It's ok, I've had time to adjust.

Sparrow Jennings:
Did it happen when you were kids?

Sam Winchester:
No, like, a half hour ago.

Dean Winchester:
Why are the fairies abducting people?

Marion:
Hmmm... There is much theory and little fact. We know they only take first-born sons... like Rumpelstiltskin did. Personally, *I* think they're taken to Avalon to service Oberon, King of the Fairy.

Sam Winchester:
Dean? Did... you *service* Oberon, King of the Fairies?

Dean Winchester:
[Awkwardly initiating small talk in Marion's home] I gotta say, I love the feel. Uh, it's uh... it's...

Sam Winchester:
Like Sedona Arizona crapped in here.

[while trying to banish the fairies to their realm, the Leprechaun, previously disguised as a UFO nut, appears and kills Brennan]

The Leprechaun:
Sorry about the mess, but your friend here went back on his deal.

Sam:
Well, you weren't very clear with him on the terms.

The Leprechaun:
I told him there was a price. Once we come, we come to stay.

Sam:
So you take firstborns and then what? You just sit back and watch while they cover the abductions for you with all that crazy UFO crap? Which you help encourage, naturally. Nice con. But, your cover's blown now, Wayne.

The Leprechaun:
Blown? To whom? Brennan's dead. Your brother? [laughs] He's marked... been to the ranch. He's ours now.

Sam:
Yeah... well, then there's me.

The Leprechaun:
You? But you can only see me if I let you. [vanishes]

Sam:
True, but you'll have to get near me eventually, and I have very good reflexes.

[the Leprechaun reappears]

The Leprechaun:
You're not like the rest of them, are you?

Sam:
Nope.

The Leprechaun:
I could see that right off. You're missing a certain piece, right in the center, ain't you?

Sam:
Says who?

The Leprechaun:
We fairy folk, we're all about energy. And the human soul gives off a certain perfume. Your soul is far away. But not completely out of reach.

Sam:
Is that so?

The Leprechaun:
Sam, I can get it back for you... for a price.

Sam:
That's adorable. It's locked in a box with the devil.

The Leprechaun:
*Your* devil, not mine.

Sam:
There's no freaking way a leprechaun can do what angels cannot.

The Leprechaun:
Angels? [laughs] Please. I'm talking about real magic, sonny. From my side of the fence. Got a way of getting in back doors.

Sam:
So you're my blue fairy? You can make me a real boy again?

The Leprechaun:
When you wish upon a star.

Sam:
Yeah, I got a wish. [shoots the Leprechaun with an iron bullet]

The Leprechaun:
[winces in pain, but immediately straightens up] Iron! Painful, but not a deal breaker.

Dean Winchester:
[getting arrested] Fight the Fairies!

Sam Winchester:
Hey, you're the one who pizza rolled Tinkerbell. I'm just doing the math.

Castiel:
I like this bunker. It's orderly.

Sam Winchester:
Oh, give us a few months. Dean wants to get a ping-pong table.

Castiel:
I've heard that. It's a game, right?

Chief:
You are really gonna get it tonight, big boy.

Dean Winchester:
There's been a misunderstanding. I think, uh, I've been had.

Chief:
Oh, you ain't been had till you been had by The Chief. Oh, and before we get started, what's your safe word?

Sam Winchester:
Dean, did you pay attention to History class at all?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, shot hear round the world, how a bill becomes a law...

Sam Winchester:
That's not school. That's School House Rock.

Dean Winchester:
[shrugs] Whatever.

Dean Winchester:
I'm just going to say this once, you make a move on him and you'll be dead before you hit the ground. Do I make myself clear? Is that understood?

Mark:
My neighbor... Mr. Rogers...

Dean Winchester:
You have a neighbor named Mr. Rogers?

Mark:
Not anymore.

Duane Tanner:
You were gonna shoot me!

Dean Winchester:
You don't shut your pie hole, I still might.

Duane Tanner:
Has anyone seen my Mom and Dad?

Dean Winchester:
[quietly to Sam]... Awkward...

Dean Winchester:
Put 'em down!

Sarge:
Lower 'em down!

Dean Winchester:
Put 'em down!

Sarge:
Are you one of 'em?

Dean Winchester:
No! Are You?

Sarge:
No!

Dean Winchester:
You could be lying!

Sarge:
So can you!

Dean Winchester:
Alright, alright!

guy with gun:
Do you mind stepping out of the car for a minute?

Dean Winchester:
Well, you are a handsome devil but I don't swing that way, sorry.

Dean Winchester:
That was creepy right, a little too Stepford.

Sam Winchester:
Big time.

Sarge:
[pointing gun at Dean] My neighbor, Mr. Rogers...

Dean Winchester:
[pointing gun at Sarge] Wait, you have a neighbor named Mr. Rogers?

Sarge:
Not anymore.

Sam Winchester:
So?

Dean Winchester:
The secretary's name is Carly, she's 23, she Kayaks and they're real.

Sam Winchester:
You didn't happen to ask her if she has seen any black dogs lately did you?

Dean Winchester:
Every complaint called in this week about anything big, black, hairy or doglike. There are 19 calls in all, and ah... [pulls post-it off of paper] I dont know what this thing is.

Sam Winchester:
[laughs] You mean Carly's Myspace address?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, Myspace, what the hell is that?

Sam Winchester:
[laughs]

Dean Winchester:
Seriously, is that like some sort of porn site?

Sam Winchester:
So much for a low profile. You've got a warrant in St. Louis and you're officially in the Fed's database.

Dean Winchester:
Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something!

Sam Winchester:
Dean, it's not funny. It makes the job harder, we've to be be more careful now.

Dean Winchester:
Well, what've they got on you?

Sam Winchester:
I'm sure they just haven't posted it yet.

Dean Winchester:
Wait, no accessory? Nothing?

Sam Winchester:
Shut up.

Dean Winchester:
Ha! You're jealous.

Sam Winchester:
No I'm not!

Dean Winchester:
Alright, what have you got on the case there you innocent, harmless young man you?

Dean Winchester:
[after crossroads demon kisses him] What the hell was that for?

Dean's Demon:
Sealing the deal.

Dean Winchester:
You know, I usually like to be warned before I'm violated by demon tongue.

Dean Winchester:
Charlie has the damn Book of the Damned?

Dean Winchester:
[Referring to the Styne family] This is pretty much what we *do* know. That they screwed with financial markets. They helped Hitler get started. Along with God knows what else, probably disco.

Sam Winchester:
[to Castiel and Charlie] Okay, everyone take a breath. Look, we're up against it. Okay? And we've all been up against it before, and we know there are times when every choice sucks. Us... lying to Dean is the choice that sucks the least. We *have* to make this work. Please.

Crowley:
[When he is interrupted playing darts using an underling's chest as the dart board] I hope this is important. I have a perfect game going.

Demon Victim:
[In pain, looking down at the darts thrown into his chest by Crowley] Nice grouping.

Sam Winchester:
What about you? How you doing?

Dean Winchester:
Oh, you mean the thing? [Motioning with his right arm] You know, some dark thoughts. Creepy visions. Violent urges. Same ol'. Same ol'.

Dean Winchester:
Cas, hey, so er, so I found Sam but something just happened. There was this weird beam of light.

Castiel:
Don't go into the light!

Dean Winchester:
OK, thanks... Carol Anne.

Dean Winchester:
A bit trippy, right?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah. [noticed Dean's T-shirt] More trippy, um, apparently you "wuv hugs"

Dean Winchester:
[Looks at his T-shirt] Shut up.

Ash:
This ain't the first time you been here. I mean, you boys die more than anyone I have ever met.

Dean Winchester:
Really?

Ash:
Ahh, yeah, you don't remember. God! Angels... must have Windexed your brains.

Pamela Barnes:
[slaps Dean on the side of his head] That's for getting me killed.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, that's probably less than I deserve. If it makes you feel any better, we got Ash killed too.

Ash:
[Clicks fingers and makes the horns gesture] *I'm cool with it!*

Dean Winchester:
He's cool with it.

Dean Winchester:
Go ahead Roy, do it. But I'm gonna warn ya, when I come back, I'm gon be pissed.

Castiel:
You think maybe, just maybe, we should find out what the hell God has been saying?

Castiel:
You have to find an angel, his name is Joshua.

Dean Winchester:
Hey, man, no offense, but we are kinda ass-full of angels alright?

Sam Winchester:
...Maybe that's what Heaven is: you relive your greatest hits.

Dean Winchester:
Your heaven is somebody else's Thanksgiving, okay? It's bailing on your family. I mean, what do you want me to say?

Sam Winchester:
Man, I never got the crusts cut off my PB&J... I just don't look at family the way you do.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, but *I'm* your family. We're supposed to be a team, it's supposed to be you and me against the world, right?

Sam Winchester:
Dean, it is.

Dean Winchester:
...Is it?

Dean Winchester:
...Spending eternity trapped in your own little universe while the angels run the show, that's lonely, you know? Tha-that's not Nirvana, that's the Matrix.

Dean Winchester:
Gloat all you want, you dick. You're still bald.

Sam Winchester:
You alright?

Dean Winchester:
Define alright.

Sam Winchester:
Hey, there's salt over here. Right inside the door.

Dean Winchester:
You mean like protection against demons salt? Or, uh, oops I spilled the popcorn salt?

Sam Winchester:
Dad, we don't even know what these things are yet.

John Winchester:
They were what Danny Elkins killed best... vampires.

Dean Winchester:
Vampires? I thought there was no such thing.

Sam Winchester:
You never even mentioned them, Dad.

John Winchester:
I thought they were extinct. I thought Elkins and, and others had wiped them out. I was wrong. Most vampire lore is crap. A cross won't repel them, sunlight won't kill them, and neither will a stake to the heart. But the bloodlust, that part's true. They need fresh human blood to survive. They were once people, so you won't know it's a vampire until it's too late.

Girl in Car:
[laughs]

Guy in Car:
What?

Girl in Car:
Well I, I guess you showed that guy.

Guy in Car:
What guy?

Girl in Car:
The guy who bet you you wouldn't buy that shirt.

Guy in Car:
I love this shirt.

Dean Winchester:
Tuh. Vampires. Tuh. Gets funnier every time I hear it.

John Winchester:
It was them all right. Looks like they're heading West. We're gonna have to double back to get around that detour.

Sam Winchester:
How can you be so sure?

Dean Winchester:
Sam...

Sam Winchester:
I just wanna know we're goin' in the right direction!

John Winchester:
We are.

Sam Winchester:
How do you know? [John pulls something from his pocket]

John Winchester:
I found this. [Dean takes it]

Dean Winchester:
It's a... vampire fang.

John Winchester:
No fangs - teeth. The second set descends when they attack. [to Sam] Any more questions? All right, let's get outta here, we're losin' daylight. Hey and Dean, why don't you touch up your car, before you get rust. I wouldn't have given you the damn thing if I thought you were gonna ruin it.

Kate:
Car trouble? Lemme give you a lift. Take you back to my place.

Dean Winchester:
Ah, I'll pass. I usually draw the line at necrophilia.

Kate:
Ooo.

[Backhands him across the face; Dean falls. Kate grabs his chin and lifts him in the air]

Dean Winchester:
I don't normally get this friendly till the second date, but...

Kate:
You know, we could have some fun. I always like to make new friends.

[Kisses Dean]

Dean Winchester:
Sorry. Don't really stay with a chick that long. Definitely not eternity. [Sam and John hit the vampires with crossbow bolts; Kate looks down at the arrow in her chest]

Kate:
[mildly irritated] Dammit. [to John] Barely even stings.

John Winchester:
Give it time, sweetheart. The arrow's soaked in dead man's blood. It's like poison to you, isn't it? [Kate passes out]

[Dean comes back after stealing dead man's blood from a mortuary]

Dean Winchester:
Whew. Man, some heavy security to protect a bunch of dead guys.

[picking up the Colt, unaware of what it is]

Kate:
[to Elkins] Nice gun. Wouldn't do you much good of course.

[John reads a letter Elkins left for him]

John Winchester:
"If you're reading this, I'm already dead..." That sonofabitch.

Dean Winchester:
What is it?

John Winchester:
He had it the whole time!

Sam Winchester:
Dad, what?

John Winchester:
When you searched the place, did you, did you see a gun, an antique, a Colt revolver, did you see it?

Dean Winchester:
Uh, there was, there was an old case, but it was empty.

John Winchester:
They have it.

Dean Winchester:
You mean whatever killed Elkins?

John Winchester:
We gotta pick up the trail.

Sam Winchester:
Wait, you want us to come with you?

John Winchester:
If Elkins was tellin' the truth we gotta find this gun.

Sam Winchester:
The gun, why?

John Winchester:
Because it's important, that's why!

Dean Winchester:
Vampires nest in groups of eight to ten, smaller packs are sent out to hunt for food. Victims are taken to the nest where the pack keeps them alive, bleeding them for days or weeks. Wonder if that's what happened to that 911 couple.

Sam Winchester:
That's probably what Dad's thinkin'. [mutters] 'Course it'd be nice if he just *told* us what he thinks.

Dean Winchester:
So it *is* starting.

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
Sam we been lookin' for Dad all year, now we're not with him for more than a couple hours and there's static already?

Sam Winchester:
No. Look, I'm happy he's okay, all right, and I'm happy that we're all workin' together again.

Dean Winchester:
Good.

Sam Winchester:
It's just the way he treats us like we're children!

Dean Winchester:
Oh God.

Sam Winchester:
He, he barks orders at us, Dean! He expects us to follow him without question! He keeps us on some crap "need to know" deal!

Dean Winchester:
Sam, he does what he does for a reason.

Sam Winchester:
What reason?

Dean Winchester:
Our job! There's no time to argue, there's no margin for error! All right, it's just the way the old man runs things.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, well maybe that worked when we were kids, but not anymore, all right? Not after everything you and I have been through, Dean. I mean are you tellin' me you're cool with just followin' the line and lettin' him run the whole show? [Dean hesitates]

Dean Winchester:
If that's what it takes.

[Luther picks up the Colt]

Kate:
I thought you might like that. Looks like it was made around the time you were born.

Luther:
I've seen this before.

Kate:
Elkins died with it in his hands. He should've known better. Using a gun.

Luther:
It's no ordinary gun.

John Winchester:
Get back in the car.

Sam Winchester:
No.

John Winchester:
I said get back in the damn car!

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, and I said no!

Dean Winchester:
All right, you made your point tough guy. Look, we're all tired, we can talk about this later. [grabbing Sam] Sammy I mean it, come on.

Sam Winchester:
[under his breath] This is why I left in the first place.

John Winchester:
[dangerous] What'd you say?

Sam Winchester:
You heard me!

John Winchester:
[angry] Yeah. You left! Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Sam, you walked away!

Dean Winchester:
Stop it, both of you!

Sam Winchester:
[increasingly belligerent] You're the one who said don't come back, Dad. You were the one who closed that door, not me! You were just pissed off you couldn't control me anymore! [they grapple; Dean shoves between them]

Dean Winchester:
Listen, stop it, stop it, STOP IT! That's enough! [to John] That means you too.

[observing the vampire nest]

Dean Winchester:
Son of a b*tch. So they're really not afraid of the sun.

John Winchester:
No. Direct sunlight hurts like a nasty sunburn. The only way to kill 'em, is by beheading. And yeah, they sleep during the day; doesn't mean they won't wake up.

Dean Winchester:
So I guess walkin' right in isn't our best option.

John Winchester:
Actually, that's the plan.

John Winchester:
So... You boys really wanna know about this Colt?

Sam Winchester:
Yes sir.

John Winchester:
It's just a story. A legend, really. Well, I thought it was. Never really believed it until I read Daniel's letter. Back in 1835, when Haley's Comet was overhead, the same night those men died at the Alamo, they say Samuel Colt made a gun. A special gun. He made it for a hunter, a man like us, only on horseback. The story goes, he made thirteen bullets. This hunter, he used the gun a half-dozen times before he disappeared, the gun along with him. 'Til somehow Daniel got his hands on it. They say... they say this gun can kill anything.

Dean Winchester:
Kill anything, like supernatural anything?

Sam Winchester:
Like the demon.

John Winchester:
Yeah, the demon. Ever since I picked up its trail, I been lookin' for a way to destroy that thing. Find the gun, we may have it.

John Winchester:
I don't think I ever told you this, but... the day you were born, you know what I did?

Sam Winchester:
No.

John Winchester:
I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. It was a college fund. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars. Until... Anyway, my point is, Sam, that, this is never the life that I wanted for you.

Sam Winchester:
Then why'd you get so mad that I left?

John Winchester:
You gotta understand somethin'. After your mother passed, all I saw was evil. Everywhere. And all I cared about was, was keepin' you boys alive. I wanted you prepared. Ready. So somewhere along the line I uh, I stopped being your father, and I, I became your, your drill-sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was, that you were gonna be alone. Vulnerable. Sammy it just, it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn't accept the fact that you and me... we're just different. [Sam laughs] What?

Sam Winchester:
We're not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess... hell we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone.

John Winchester:
I guess you're right, son.

Sam Winchester:
Hey Dad... whatever happened to that college fund?

John Winchester:
Spent it on ammo. [they laugh]

Sam Winchester:
But after, we're gonna meet up, right? Use the gun *together*, right? [pause] You're leaving again, aren't you? You *still* wanna go after the demon alone? You know, I don't get you. You can't treat us like this.

John Winchester:
Like what?

Sam Winchester:
Like children!

John Winchester:
You *are* my children. I'm tryin' to keep you safe.

Dean Winchester:
Dad, all due respect but uh, that's a bunch of crap. [Sam and John look at him in surprise]

John Winchester:
Excuse me?

Dean Winchester:
You know what Sammy and I have been huntin'. Hell, you sent us on a few huntin' trips yourself. I mean you can't be that worried about keepin' us safe.

John Winchester:
It's not the same thing, Dean.

Dean Winchester:
Then what is it? Why do you want us outta the big fight?

John Winchester:
This demon? It's a bad sonofabitch. I can't make the same moves if I'm worried about keepin' you alive.

Dean Winchester:
You mean you can't be as reckless.

John Winchester:
Look. I don't expect to make it outta this fight in one piece. Your mother's death? It almost killed me. I can't watch my children die too. I won't.

Dean Winchester:
What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die and we could've done something about it? You know I been thinkin', I think maybe Sammy's right about this one, I think we should do this together. We're stronger as a family, Dad, we just are, you know it.

John Winchester:
We're runnin' outta time. You do your job and you get outta the area. That's an order.

John Winchester:
So boys.

Sam Winchester:
Yes sir.

John Winchester:
You ignored a direct order back there.

Sam Winchester:
Yes sir.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah but we saved your ass. [heavy pause]

Dean Winchester:
You're right.

Dean Winchester:
I am?

John Winchester:
It scares the hell outta me. You two are all I've got. But I guess we are stronger as a family. So, we go after this damn thing. Together.

Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester:
Yes sir.

Bobby Singer:
She was the love of my life... how many times do I gotta kill her?

Bobby Singer:
[to Dean] Don't you ever get tired of bein wrong?

[Bobby and Dean take refuge from the zombies in a closet. Dean turns on the light and locks the door from the inside as the horde pound on the door]

Bobby Singer:
Kind of a tight fit, don't you think?

Dean Winchester:
[confident] It's all right: they're idiots; they can't pick a lock.

[the pounding immediately stops, then the zombies start picking the lock]

Bobby Singer:
Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?

Dean Winchester:
I'm making this stuff up as I go. Sue me.

Dean Winchester:
Mr. Wells, why don't you tell us what you saw? In your own words.

Digger Wells:
Call me Digger.

Dean Winchester:
Digger.

Digger Wells:
Mm.

Dean Winchester:
Who- who gave you that name?

Digger Wells:
I did.

Dean Winchester:
You gave yourself your own nickname? You can't do that.

Digger Wells:
Who died and made you Queen?

Sheriff Jody Mills:
What'd you say your jurisdiction here was again?

Dean Winchester:
Our jurisdiction is wherever the United States government sends us.

Sheriff Jody Mills:
Uh yeah. How about me and your supervisor have a little chat about that?

Sam Winchester:
Absolutely. [He pulls a business card from his jacket and hands it to the sheriff who dials a number on her cell. Cut to Bobby's house where a phone is ringing]

Bobby Singer:
[Picks up the phone marked FBI] Agent Willis speaking.

Sheriff Jody Mills:
Agent Willis, this is Sheriff Jody Mills of- [with a quizzical look] Bobby?

Bobby Singer:
[under his breath] Oh... Excuse me?

Sheriff Jody Mills:
[sternly after giving Sam and Dean a look] Is this Bobby Singer? [Sam and Dean give each other a worried look]

Bobby Singer:
Listen, I don't who this is, but this is Agent Tom Willis of the FBI.

Sheriff Jody Mills:
Bull crap! [Disconnects the call and looks at Sam and Dean who have "We're busted" looks on their faces] FBI, huh?

Sam Winchester:
So uh, so you know Bobby Singer.

Dean Winchester:
That- that is... a fun coincidence. [chuckles]

Sheriff Jody Mills:
Here's what I know about Bobby Singer. He's a menace around here. Assful of drunk and disorderlies, and mail fraud. You understanding me?

Dean Winchester:
[quietly, chagrined, while Sam looks down, embarrassed] I think we all can agree that you've made yourself perfectly clear, yes.

Sheriff Jody Mills:
So whatever the three of you are planning, it ends here. *Now.* 10-4 on that? Agents?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah. [Smiles at her then shakes his head when she leaves]

Dean Winchester:
What's that smell? Is that soap? Did you clean?

Bobby Singer:
What are you, my mother? Bite me!

Dean Winchester:
You got any more ammo? I'm low.

Bobby Singer:
Yeah, we got plenty. Just run back past the zombies. It's in the van where we left it.

Dean Winchester:
A simple no would've been fine.

Bobby Singer:
[Sam and Dean join Bobby at the funeral pyre for his wife] So... thinking maybe I should apologize for losing my head back there.

Sam Winchester:
Bobby, you don't owe us anything.

Dean Winchester:
Hey look, I don't know squat from shinola about love, but... at least you got to spend 5 days with her... Right?

Bobby Singer:
Right. Which makes things... about a thousand times worse. [sighs heavily] She was the love of my life... [voice breaking] How many times do I gotta kill her?

Dean Winchester:
Alright, if you're gonna be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it back to me one more time.

Lucas Barr:
Zeppelin rules!

Dean Winchester:
Oh, college boy, thinks he's so smart.

Dean Winchester:
I don't really give a rat's ass what you think about me.

Sam Winchester:
People don't just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them.

Dean Winchester:
So, crayons are more your thing. That's cool, chicks dig artists.

Dean Winchester:
You know, um... what you said about Mom. You never told me that before.

Sam Winchester:
I think it's safe to say we can rule out Nessie!

Dean Winchester:
I'm Agent Ford, this is Agent Hamill.

Andrea Barr:
[to Sam] Tell your friend this whole "Jerry McGuire" thing's not gonna work on me.

Sam Winchester:
Let's talk to someone who might.

Dean Winchester:
Well, last I checked Huggy Bear ain't available.

Sam Winchester:
No dude, the kid.

Dean Winchester:
The kid? The kid's a doornail.

Sam Winchester:
Exactly. Look, if he's the last person to die around here, then maybe he's seen something. We should talk to him.

Dean Winchester:
I love how matter of fact you are about that. Strange lives.

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
This job is jacked, that's what.

Sam Winchester:
How so?

Dean Winchester:
You want me to gank a monster or torch a corpse? Hey let's light it up, right? But-but this? If we fix whatever this is, people are gonna start dropping dead. Good people.

Sam Winchester:
Look, I don't want 'em to die either, Dean, but there's a natural order.

Dean Winchester:
You're kidding, right?

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
You don't see the irony in that? I mean, you and me, we're like the poster boys of the unnatural order. All we do is ditch death.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, but the normal rules don't really apply to us, do they?

Dean Winchester:
We're no different than anybody else.

Sam Winchester:
I'm infected with demon blood. You've been to Hell. Look, I know you wanna think of yourself as Joe the plumber Dean, but you're not. Neither am I. The sooner you accept that, the better off you're gonna be.

Dean Winchester:
Joe the plumber was a douche.

Dean Winchester:
[as a spirit, sticks his hand through Sam] Am I making you uncomfortable?

Sam Winchester:
Get out of me.

Dean Winchester:
You're such a prude.

Sam Winchester:
Look, this isn't going to be easy to hear, but you're dead. You're a spirit. Us too.

Cole Griffiths:
Yeah, thanks Haley Joel. I know I'm dead.

Dean Winchester:
Dude, you are so Amityville!

[about simulating being a ghost]

Dean Winchester:
Oh, I'm so feeling up Demi Moore!

Sam Winchester:
Well, Pamela, you're a sight for sore eyes.

Pamela Barnes:
[showing her fake eyes] Aw, that's sweet, Grumpy. What do you say to deaf people?

Dean Winchester:
It's okay to be scared.

Cole Griffiths:
I'm not scared.

Dean Winchester:
We're all scared. That's the big secret... We're all scared.

Rufus Turner:
Seriously, though, Bobby, how come...?

Bobby Singer:
Dog with a bone, Rufus.

Rufus Turner:
No, I really want to know, man - why no kids?

Bobby Singer:
Ain't that deep. Dad was a mean drunk. I figured I'd be just like him. And, hey, look, I was right. No sense passing on the legacy.

Rufus Turner:
You're too hard on yourself. You're more of a cranky drunk.

Dean Winchester:
We're coming for you. And not just to hurt you - to kill you. You understand me?

Dick Roman:
Come on, Dean, I can't be killed.

Dean Winchester:
You're gonna wish you could, then.

Dick Roman:
[laughs] That's some conviction. You'd really crush it on the motivational circuit.

Dean Winchester:
You're either laughing because you're scared or you're laughing because you're stupid. I'll see you soon, Dick.

Bobby Singer:
Well that's a load of crap. Who the hell were you to say?

Ed Singer:
I'm your father. And you show your father respect.

Bobby Singer:
The day he deserves it. You drunken bully. Punching women and kids, is that what they call fatherhood in your day?

Ed Singer:
You deserved it. Believe me, you were nothing but ungrateful.

Bobby Singer:
I was a kid! Kids ain't supposed to be grateful. They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart, ya selfish dick! You died and I was still so afraid I'd turn into you, I never even had kids of my own.

Ed Singer:
Good. You break everything you touch.

Bobby Singer:
Well, as fate would have it, I adopted two boys and they grew up great. They grew up heroes. So you can go to hell!

Dean Winchester:
All right, scoot, jerkface. Show your elders some respect.

Sam Winchester:
You scoot, asshat.

Dean Winchester:
Did we get licorice?

Sam Winchester:
No, we did not get licorice. We got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.

Dean Winchester:
I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand that, uh, Mr. "Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich."

Sam Winchester:
I stand by that sandwich. Nobody likes licorice. It's - it's made of dirt.

Dean Winchester:
It is a classic movie food. It's right up there with popcorn.

Sam Winchester:
Popcorn?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah.

Sam Winchester:
You're out of your mind.

Dean Winchester:
What, it's like little chewy pieces of heaven.

Sam Winchester:
Looks like this guy had a history with dogs.

Dean Winchester:
Meaning?

Sam Winchester:
Five years ago, he was arrested for running a dog-fighting operation.

Dean Winchester:
Classy. All right. So, what? He causes so much misery that some rottweiller goes 'Cujo' on him from the grave? Wait a sec. Do... dogs even have ghost?

Sam Winchester:
First I've heard of it.

Dean Winchester:
That sounds weird. 'Ghost Dog'?

Sam Winchester:
No weirder than 'Ghost Car,' you know?

Dean Winchester:
You know that does sound right, vengeance on the guy that Michael Vick'd you.

Dean Winchester:
[Giving himself a pep talk while waiting for a waitress with whom he's arranged a rendezvous] It's been awhile. Control yourself. It's nothing but a ground ball. You just gotta... put your mitt down. You are Dean Winchester. This is what you do.

Sam Winchester:
[seeing two demons in military meatsuits approaching] They're coming.

Dean Winchester:
Good.

Sam Winchester:
They've got assault rifles.

Dean Winchester:
Okay less good.

Dean Winchester:
Check the 'net for anything angel-y.

Sam Winchester:
Or demon-y.

Dean Winchester:
Or monster-y. Or ghost-y. [sigh] It's going to be a busy year.

Dean Winchester:
[Enters the MOL compound and is surprised by an arrow hitting the stair rail next to him] What the Hell?

Kevin Tran:
Dean? [hiding behind an overturned table with a compound bow in his hand] You're alive!

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, cuz you're a crappy shot! Katniss. [removes the arrow and heads downstairs to meet Kevin]

Kevin Tran:
Sorry. It's been a bad couple of days. I- I haven't slept... or eaten... [whispering] I'm pretty backed up.

Dean Winchester:
Okay. Over share.

Dean Winchester:
[Sam and Dean walk into an abandoned town] What the Hell happened here?

Sam Winchester:
Local chemical plant sprung a leak. Years ago. They evacuated three square blocks. Guess it's still contaminated.

Dean Winchester:
Wait, so this whole place is poison?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah. [Dean moves his left hand in front of his crotch protectively] That's not gonna help. [Sam moves forward]

Dean Winchester:
It doesn't hurt. [Dean moves forward, keeping his hand in place]

Dean Winchester:
Alright. We've gotta flank seal team douche in there, so uh, Irv, you and me will go left. Sam, you and Tracy go right.

Irv Franklin:
Hell, weird's what we do. I remember this case up in Saskatoon, we had this case of...

Dean Winchester:
Werewolf Siamese twins!

Irv Franklin:
He [Bobby] told you about that?

Dean Winchester:
Every time he drank Labatts.

Dean Winchester:
Where's our father, Meg?

Meg:
You didn't ask very nice.

Dean Winchester:
Where's our father, b*tch?

Meg:
Jeez. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Oh, I forgot... You don't.

Meg:
That's kind of a turn on, you hitting a girl.

Dean Winchester:
You're no girl.

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] Your dad, he's in here with me. Trapped inside his own meat suit. He says "hi" by the way. He's gonna tear you apart. He's gonna taste the iron in your blood.

Dean Winchester:
Let him go. Or, I swear to God...

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] What? What are you and God gonna do? You see, as far as I'm concerned, this is justice. You know that little exorcism of yours? That was my daughter.

Dean Winchester:
Who? Meg?

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] The one in the alley? That was my boy. You understand?

Dean Winchester:
You gotta be kidding me.

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] What? You're the only one that can have a family? You destroyed my children. How would you feel if I killed your family? Oh, that's right. I forgot. I did. Still, two wrongs don't make a right.

Dean Winchester:
You son of a b*tch.

Sam Winchester:
I wanna know why. Why'd you do it?

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] You mean, why did I kill Mommy and pretty, little Jess?

Sam Winchester:
Yeah.

Dean Winchester:
Listen, you mind just getting this over with, huh? Cause I really can't stand the monologueing.

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] Funny. But that's all part of your M.O. isn't it? Mask all that nasty pain. Mask the truth.

Dean Winchester:
Oh, yeah? What's that?

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] You know, you fight and you fight for this family. But the truth is, they don't need you. Not like you need them. Sam - he's clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight, it's more concern than he's ever shown you.

Dean Winchester:
I bet you're real proud of your kids too, huh? Oh, wait. I forgot. I wasted 'em.

Dean Winchester:
This sucks out loud.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah, tell me about it.

Sam Winchester:
But, the holy water?

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] You think something like that works on something like me?

Sam Winchester:
I'm gonna kill you!

John Winchester:
[possessed by demon] Oh, that'd be a neat trick. In fact, make the gun float to you there, psychic boy.

Meg:
An exorcism. Are you serious?

Dean Winchester:
Oh, we're going for it, baby. Head spinning, projectile vomiting, the whole nine yards.

Dean Winchester:
Hey, what's happening, is there a fire?

Fireman:
We're figuring that out right now. Just stay back.

Dean Winchester:
Well, I've got a yorkie upstairs and he pees when he's nervous.

Meg:
He begged for his life with tears in his eyes. He begged to see his sons one last time. That's when I slit his throat.

Dean Winchester:
For your sake, I hope you're lying. 'Cause if it's true, I swear to *God* I will march into hell myself, and I will slaughter each and every one of you evil sons of b*tches, so help me God.

Dean Winchester:
Listen, do you mind just getting this over with, huh? Because I really can't stand the monologuing.

John Winchester:
Funny. But that's all M.O., isn't it? Mask all that nasty pain. Mask the truth.

Dean Winchester:
Oh yeah, what's that?

John Winchester:
You know, you fight and you fight for this family. But the truth is, they don't need you. Not like you need them. Sam, he's clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight, it's more concern than he's ever shown you.

Dean Winchester:
Hey, Sam.

Sam Winchester:
Yeah.

Dean Winchester:
You know that guy I shot? There was a person in there.

Sam Winchester:
You didn't have a choice, Dean.

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, I know. That's not what bothers me.

Sam Winchester:
Then what does?

Dean Winchester:
Killin' that guy, killin' Meg... I didn't hesitate. I didn't even flinch. I mean, for you or Dad, the things I'm willin' to do or kill, it's just, uh... it scares me sometimes.

Metatron:
[voices echoes in radio] Hello? This is Metatron.

Neil:
More reverb.

Metatron:
Because I'm Lou Gehrig?

Crowley:
I kicked human blood, you know.

Dean Winchester:
Oh, so you're a full-metal douche again? Well, that's fantastic. Would you like a stuffed bear?

Crowley:
Just trying to make conversation.

Dean Winchester:
How's Hell, Crowley?

Crowley:
Hell's fine. Hell's like a Swiss watch. Don't worry about Hell. Hell's complicated.

Dean Winchester:
"Game of Thrones" is complicated. The shower sex - that's complicated. Hell ain't complicated. Your problem ain't Hell. It's you.

Crowley:
Fair enough. What's your problem, then?

Dean Winchester:
My problem is Metatron.

Dean Winchester:
You can save the humble-pie Jesus routine for somebody who gives a damn.

Metatron:
The problem with you, Dean, is the cynicism. Always with the cynicism. But most people - even the real belly crawlers living in filth... or Brentwood... they don't want to be cynical. They just want something to believe in.

Dean Winchester:
And that'd be you.

Metatron:
Why not me?

Dean Winchester:
You've been working those people outside, for what, a day? They've already spilled blood in your name. You were nothing but Bernie Madoff with wings.

Metatron:
So I'm a fake. Do you have any idea how much pan-cake makeup and soft lighting it took to get God to work a rope-line? He hated it. And, you know, humans sense that. So they prayed harder and longer and fought more wars in His name. And for what? So they could die of malaria? Leukemia? And all the while, blaming themselves! "Oh, if only I had been more prayerful. God would have loved me. God would have saved me." You know what? God didn't even know their name! But I do. Because I've walked among them. And I can save them.

Dean Winchester:
Sure, you can. So long as your mug is in every Bible and "What Would Metatron Do?" is on every bumper.

Metatron:
What, are you blaming me for giving them for what they want, giving them a brand they can believe in?

Dean Winchester:
I'm blaming you for Kevin! I'm blaming you for taking Cass' grace. Hell, I'm blaming you for the Cubs not a winning a World Series in the last 100 freaking years. Whatever it is... I'm blaming you.

Metatron:
The First Blade. Nasty piece of work, isn't she? Okay, let's say you win, Dean, and I die. What's the world left with then, hmm? A herd of panty-wasted angels and you? Half out of your mind with lord knows what pumping through those veins?

Dean Winchester:
Yeah, you said, the only thing you said that went into my ear was that you die.

Metatron:
Ohh. Fine. We'll fight. I don't know what you expect is gonna come of all this. Unless... that's why you're stalling. Because you know nothing's gonna come of this unless your pal's succeed upstairs. Well, here's a news flash - Humpty and Dumpty are starring in their very own version of "Locked Up Abroad: Heaven" right now.

[Dean takes a swing of the blade, Metratron stops him in mid-swing, Dean then punches him]

Metatron:
Wow, that big blade and that... douchey tribal tat sure gave you some super juice. Whoo! Okay.

Metatron:
Well played, Castiel. Obviously, you and Gadreel managed to turn a few dead-enders against me.

Castiel:
Gadreel is dead.

Metatron:
Ah. So Gadreel bites the dust. And the angel tablet - arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe - is in pieces, and for what again? Oh, that's right - to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too. And you're sitting in my chair.

Castiel:
You will never get away with this.

Metatron:
Get away with what? You told a silly story to a group of less-than-believers. I'll clean up your mess in an hour.

Castiel:
You give our brothers and sisters far too little credit. They will soon learn that you have been playing them.

Metatron:
And then? They will do nothing because they are frightened little sheep following my crook wherever it leads. And where I'm taking them, back to our rightful place atop this mountain of human shame and excrement - when that happens, trust me, they're not gonna care how they get there.

Metatron:
You know, while you could never pull it together, Castiel, why you're sitting here while your grace slowly burning away and your reputation long extinguished? No curiosity. You didn't read enough. You never learned how to tell a good story.

Castiel:
But you did.

Dean Winchester:
What happened with you being okay with this?

Sam Winchester:
I lied.

Dean Winchester:
Ain't that a b*tch.

Crowley:
Your brother, bless his soul, is summoning me as I speak. Make a deal, bring you back. It's exactly about what I was talking about, isn't it? It's all become so... expected. You have to believe me. When I suggested you can take on the mark of Cain, I didn't know this was going to happen. Not really. I mean, I might not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied. I never lied, Dean. That's important. It's fundamental. But... there is one story about Cain that I might have... forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death, rather than becoming the killer the mark wanted him to be. So he took his own with the blade. He died. Except, as rumor has it, the mark never quite let go. You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter of mere speculation? It wasn't until you summoned me... no, it wasn't truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten... that I began to let myself believe. Maybe miracles do come true. Listen to me, Dean Winchester. What you're feeling right now - it's not death. It's life - a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And let's go take a howl at that moon.

[Dean's eyelids open revealing demonic eyes]

Crowley:
So this is what you and Moose do, eh? Crisscross the country searching for evil, order your nitrates, partake of the local attraction?

Dean Winchester:
Yup.

Crowley:
And you never get tired of the rat race? Never get the urge to just bugger off and howl at the moon? Never ask yourself, is this it? Is this all there is?

Homeless Woman:
[to Homeless Angel, referring to Metatron] Shut your mouth! Angels? Scribe of God? Please.

Homeless Angel:
It's true.

Homeless Woman:
What's true is what I can see with my own two eyes. You wanna call him pathetic, common? Be my guest; who here isn't? But who here has the gift that this man has? Do you know what he did?

Homeless Angel:
I'm afraid if you've seen what I've seen, you'd think of him as nothing more than... an abomination.

George:
Abomination? Try miracle worker.

[Metatron gives look of discontent]

Homeless Woman:
Try Messiah.

Metatron:
Better.

Dean Winchester:
[Fear and uncertainty in his eyes] What the hell is happening to me, you son of a b*tch?

Crowley:
Liquor before beer? Bad tacos? How should I know?

Dean Winchester:
I can't turn it off! [He can barely stand still] Ever since I killed Abaddon, it's- it's like this whole... other *thing*! I get this high, and I- I- I need to kill. I mean I really, *really* need to kill, and if I don't...

Crowley:
You yack your guts out. [pause] It's the mark.

Dean Winchester:
Meaning?

Crowley:
It wants you to kill. The more you kill, the better you feel. The less you kill, the less better you feel.

Dean Winchester:
How much less better?

Crowley:
One would imagine the least less better.

Dean Winchester:
[quietly] So, dead. [Crowley sort of shrugs and nods. Dean is working hard to focus] Cain had the mark. He didn't die.

Crowley:
Cain was a demon. Your body's not strong enough to contain the blade's power.

Dean Winchester:
[Grabs his right forearm... ] What if I got rid of it?

Crowley:
You *want* to get rid of it?

Dean Winchester:
[pause, struggling inwardly] What I want is Metatron.

Crowley:
Go on.

Dean Winchester:
But, I have to get through that door, and I have to get to the blade. And you're gonna help me.

Sam Winchester:
An hour ago, we were ready to throw Dean into a padded cell. And now you say he's our best chance?

Castiel:
Hear him out, Sam.

Sam Winchester:
Oh right, excuse me. Sorry, guys. Sorry I'm a little less than eager to hear that our best chance is, is arming the warhead and hoping it hits the mark! This is not a bomb we're talking about. This is my *brother*!

Dean Winchester:
How's Hell, Crowley?

Crowley:
Hell's fine! Hell's like a Swiss watch. Don't worry about Hell. Hell's complicated.

Dean Winchester:
Game of Thrones is complicated. Shower sex, that's complicated. Hell ain't complicated. You're problem ain't Hell. It's *you*.

Dean Winchester:
[after being beaten and stabbed by Metatron, Dean is being carried out of the building by Sam] Sam, hold up. Hold Up. [Sam stops and lets Dean sit down] I gotta say somethin'.

Sam Winchester:
What?

Dean Winchester:
[Smiling, looking into his brother's eyes] I'm proud of us. [Dean slumps into Sam's arms]

Dean Winchester:
Wait a minute. Can I hear all animals?

Colonel the Dog:
Yep. Animals have a universal language - like Esperanto. But this one actually caught on.

Pigeon:
And I'm just getting started, too. Brewing a real big one. Ha. Bet your ride's gonna look sweet in white.

Sam Winchester:
What's he saying?

Dean Winchester:
You - He's being a douchebag!

Pigeon:
Who are you calling "douchebag", douchebag?

Dean Winchester:
Oh, shut it, you winged rat!

Sam Winchester:
Dude.

Dean Winchester:
What?

Sam Winchester:
Hey. Just calm down. Just get in the car.

Pigeon:
Ha ha. That's right, Sally. Go cry to Mama.

Dean Winchester:
[pulls out his gun] Oh, that's it, you son of a b*tch!

Chef Leo:
Chameleons aren't that bad. Kind of taste like chicken.

Dean Winchester:
Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.

Chef Leo:
[to Sam] Oh, screw the sharktopus. You're my main course.

Dean Winchester:
I always knew I'd find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.

Dean Winchester:
You really think the power you hold over other people's lives can make up for what you lack in your own?

Colonel the Dog:
By the way, as an honorary dog, there's something you should know. Dogs aren't really man's best friend.

Dean Winchester:
What are you talkin' about?

Colonel the Dog:
I know it sounds like a conspiracy theory... but the real reason we were put here was to- [Colonel's voice suddenly changes as he starts barking]