Wikidude's Quotes Page #373

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Bert:
What's going on Lisa? You've never smoked before!

Lisa:
I don't need a lecture Bert Raccoon!

The Raccoons, Season 5 (1990-1991)  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Sara Butler:
(Referring to Jim's trailer) This is your office?

Jim:
Yeah, it's cheap, it's tax-deductible, earthquake-proof, and when I get a job out of town, I'll take it with me.

The Rockford Files, Season 1  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Jim:
[On phone with Dennis] Well, what do you want for proof, Dennis? My body? This is second time somebody's tried to kill me in two days! Yeah. I know he's a pillar of the community. No, I won't tell you where I am. [Slams phone]

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Dennis:
Let me get this straight if I can. What you're saying is that a Beverly Hills psychiatrist, an Encino stockbroker, a San Marino lawyer and the biggest subdivider in the next county, all got together to do an old man out of three acres without the daughter's knowledge, but with her consent and full cooperation?

Jim:
I don't know if they all got together, Dennis, but they're all doing it to him.

Dennis:
There's nothing to tie them together and from what you said, I'd say the old man's right where he belongs.

Jim:
Okay, so his lifestyle doesn't help his case any. But since when is eccentricity punishable by torture? And besides, Muellard knew about the attempt on my life, which ties him to something. Or did you forget somebody tried to kill me yesterday?

Dennis:
Look, Jimbo, what can I do?

Jim:
Well, did you run a check on the nitrous oxide tank?

Dennis:
Yup. Dr. Fellows ran an inventory against supply and accounted for every tank. So there's nothing there. And Fellows is the director of Horizons Crest.

Jim:
Well, he's in on it, too.

Dennis:
Oh, good, now I can add a Woodland Hills doctor to your list of co-conspirators.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Jim:
What do you know about T.T.'s son-in-law?

Rocky:
Oh, he's a rich stockbroker, is all I know. But, of course, T.T. says that he's nothing but a con man with a diploma and a place to hang it.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Rocky:
[Delivers an eulogy at T.T.'s funeral] T.T. Flowers used to say that cities made men poor and women old and everyone lonesome. So he bought himself 10 acres way out in the country. It was then in '35. Him and his little bride, Lou Ella, they built a reaI nice place there, and they named it Freedom, and they were raising rabbits and chickens and goats and turkeys and bees. And then Lou Ella died giving birth to their little girl. T.T., he raised her as best he could and he stayed right there on the place, all the time watching the city creeping closer to him. T.T. Flowers played music to his bees and talked to his trees. Of course, no one ever asked him if they answered him back, or if they did, what did they say? The city just decided that there was no room anymore for a man who talked to trees. But T.T. always said that the city might surround him, but they'd never pave him under, because he was there first. And he was right. But the city didn't care.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Answering Machine:
Jimmy, it's Phil in Puerto Rico. This is real important. Talked to Mr. [crackling line noise], he'll pay $20,000. Call him at 231… [crackling line noise] ...638.

Beth:
Warren is a brilliant chess player.

Jim:
He's a turkey!

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[Angel is in Jim's trailer]

Jim:
[Enters; sees Angel, slams the door] Angel, I am in a foul mood today and the last person I wanna see is you, so out!

Angel:
I can feature you being browned off at me, Jim, so I'm not gonna stick around, but I was hoping that maybe I could stash my stuff here. See, Regine's annulment petition went through and I gotta give her my entire collection as part of the settlement. Well, I mean, originals, collectors items! Avery Joe Hunter, Little Walter...

Jim:
You wanna hide them here, after what you've done? Look, as far as I'm concerned, Regine deserves all four of your limbs.

Angel:
Wait till you go through a divorce, we'll see what kind of tune you sing!

Jim:
I might as well have gone through one, I had lunch with a banker today. You know, I have to refinance my trailer to pay back a $2,000 debt for that property option, also owe a bill for the rental of a bulldozer, Rocky won't even talk to me because his friend's camper did a patty melt.

Regine:
[Outside, knocks on the door] Jim!

Angel:
What is she doing here?

Jim:
Well, she said she might drop by, she wants me to help track down an old boyfriend of her.

Angel:
You mean that bozo Donny Angle, I know all about that that guy. But you don't do missing persons work.

Jim:
For her I do, I might even do it for free. You know, if I didn't know you were such a lizard, I might think you were jealous.

[Regine knocks again, Angel tries to stall]

Jim:
What am I supposed to do, she's out there?!

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Jim:
I hope you're as good at selling stories to the cops as you are at selling used cars.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Angel:
This was supposed to be my honeymoon. I had a good woman and look what I did. I could have been with her tonight, holding that warm, sweet body instead of this fungo bat.

Jim:
Save the Hank Williams, will you? I left my fiddle at home.

Angel:
What, I ain't entitled to have regrets?

Jim:
The only thing you're upset about is the spot you're in. What about the spot you handed Regine, huh? I wouldn't be surprised now if she turns off men completely.

Angel:
Oh, come on.

Jim:
It happens, Angel. It happens. Let me tell you something, if I had my choice between you and her right now, I'd pick her.

Angel:
Jimmy, I had to stay alive.

Jim:
You're alive. Be happy. You have plenty of good years left for sniveling and complaining.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Jim:
Look, why don't you bring Chechik and Kale in and sweat them?

Dennis:
Have you ever heard of probable cause? We don't have one bit of cold evidence to link them with either murder. What we do have is a shotgun that was concealed in your buddy's house.

Jim:
Oh, come on. That plant's so obvious you ought to water it.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[Jim and Beth walk out of the police station]

Angel:
Hey, Jimmy, how you're doing? [Jim and Beth glare at him angrily] What are you cheesing me about, I got you off the bunko rap!

Jim:
Angel, you get too close to me, I'm gonna pull out your beard hair by hair!

Angel:
Hey, it ain't like you're the one who got the chargin', no, I mean it wasn't your partner that got beaten to death. You're not the one who's got somebody going to hit you over the head with a lead pipe. For you, it's over with!

[They encounter the Boyajian brothers]

Azie Boyajian:
Hey! Hey, what are you two guys doing out on the street?

Angel:
Hey Azie, how are you? I'm so terribly sorry to hear about Bobby.

Beth:
[Leads Jim away] Jim, just keep walking. Don't say anything, I mean it!

Azie:
Rockford, you scumbag, don't you turn your back on me!

Hank Boyajian:
Azie, don't get into it, not here!

Azie:
Yeah, we gotta pick up Bobby's belongings, then I guess we're gonna give them to the Goodwill, cause he ain't never gonna use them no more. His whole face is gone! Then the police lets sleaze like you go free, huh? Okay, so be it! We know where to find both of you!

Beth:
I'm Mr. Rockford's attorney, should I interpret that as a threat?

Hank:
Come on, come on! [The Boyajians leave]

Jim:
[Glares at Angel] It's over, huh?

Beth:
Jim, I think the thing for you to do is just lay low until the cops nab Bobby's killer. These guys will cool off.

Angel:
But they ain't gonna make that call if they're set on sticking me and Jimmy with the killing. I'm talking about survival now, you're gonna have to try and find that murderer!

Beth:
Oh no, no, absolutely not. I don't want--

Jim:
[Interjects] Beth. Beth, he's right. It's either that or we wait to join the melon rinds in the back of some garbage truck.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Lt. Chapman:
Bobby Boyajian's brothers tell us that you two guys took the kid apart in the wedding chapel in La Jolla, and now he's dead. So don't sit there like butter wouldn't melt in your mouths!

Jim:
I don't care what they say, we didn't start anything, it was Boyajian himself.

Angel:
That's right, they're a bunch of liars, if you've ever dealt with the Boyajians, you'd know what creeps they are!

Chapman:
Mr. Martin, Bobby's sister Regine said that you telephoned her at Azie Boyajian's house last night, you tried to arrange a meeting with her brother so you could iron out some problems, is that right?

Jim:
Wait a minute, Angel, you did what?

Angel:
Regine can't testify against me, she's my legal wife.

Chapman:
Regine hung up on you, Mr. Martin, so maybe you telephoned Bobby at his home and he agreed to meet you.

Dennis:
Bobby's wound was point-blank. It had to be somebody who knew him, somebody who could walk right up to him.

Chapman:
Right. So what I'm saying is this: you (points at Angel), or you (points at Jim) or both of you met Bobby and got what you really wanted, which wasn't to iron out any problems, but to fill the kid's face with double-aught buckshot!

Dennis:
It was birdshot, Lieutenant!

Beth:
[Slams her purse on table] Birdshot, buckshot, how much speculation do we have to listen to?! You may have a motive, maybe opportunity, but do you have an eyewitness, a weapon, anything that's at all solid?

Jim:
Well, I think that ought to take care of that. I don't think the District Attorney's office is gonna file on loose charges, will they?

Chapman:
Sit down, Rockford!

Jim:
What for, you can't file a charge?

Chapman:
Not on the homicide, not yet. But I've got you on fraud, grand theft! Complaint signed by the Boyajian brothers. Sergeant, get somebody from the Bunko Squad up here, book these guys for the Red Barn Con. [Dennis leaves. Chapman removes the visitors' passes from Rockford and Angel's chests] Like I said, sit down, gentlemen.

[Jim angrily glares at Angel]

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Jim:
I've testified before this grand jury on two prior occasions. As a result, I've been imprisoned twice, I've been very nearly killed, and I've been subjected to the most flagrant abuse of power...

Bevins:
Mr. Rockford, You are coming dangerously close to contempt of court again.

Foreman:
Mr. Bevins, can't Mr. Rockford finish? We are interested in what he has to say.

Jim:
Thank you, Mr. Foreman. See, it's been quite an education, Mr. Bevins. I've not only been cited with contempt, but I've been treated with contempt. And with a total disregard for my rights guaranteed to me under the constitution. I've been guilty of nothing except ignorance of the fact that the man that I knew as George Catman was in fact Frank Sorvino. And with the ignorance that in a proceeding of law you could slander and threaten and try to intimidate me with impunity. Well, Mr. Bevins, I want an apology. And I want it now.

Bevins:
The grand jury has no apology to make. You've been treated with scrupulous regard to your rights. The abuse of power to which you refer is the power conferred upon this body.

Jim:
I wasn't referring to the grand jury, Mr. Bevins.

Bevins:
The witness is excused.

Jim:
I read an article in a recent legal publication. I'd like to introduce it into the record, if that's all right? (Foreman nods) Thank you. It said, "There is no such thing as a small injustice. There is no such thing as a minor abridgement of rights. That if even one citizen is so deprived, make no mistake, we all suffer."

Bevins:
Stirring, Mr. Rockford.

Jim:
Thank you very much. That was part of a summation of a case that attracted quite a bit of attention a few years back. The client had been subjected to harassment, illegal search and seizure, a series of injustices in the name of justice.

Bevins:
Mr. Rockford, would it be too much to hope that there's a point to this rather lengthy reminiscence? The term of the current grand jury expires in nine months.

Jim:
Oh, I think you'll want to hear how it ended. It's a real Cinderella story. You see, the defense attorney not only won an acquittaI for his client with this impassioned outcry, but that very attorney was plucked from private practice by no less than the Attorney GeneraI of the United States, and appointed as an Assistant Federal Prosecutor.

Bevins:
And, I trust, lived happily ever after.

Jim:
I hope not, Mr. Bevins. I sincerely hope not. You don't remember the words, do you, Mr. Bevins? Because they're your words. As you said before, the grand jury has another nine months to serve here. I'd like to think that the grand jury will remember your words. Thank you, Mr. Foreman.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Bevins:
Now, then, Mr. Rockford, what was the nature of your relationship with Frank Sorvino?

Jim:
I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might tend to incriminate me.

Bevins:
Of all the constitutional amendments, that seems to be your favorite. Isn't that correct, Mr. Rockford?

Jim:
I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might tend to incriminate me.

Bevins:
Not the First, not the Sixteenth, but the Fifth. It seems to be a universaI favorite among felons.

Foreman:
Mr. Bevins, we're all interested in the truth, but is it necessary to badger Mr. Rockford?

Bevins:
I'm sorry, Mr. Foreman, but this witness has steadfastly sought to withhold evidence that is vital to this inquiry.

Jim:
Mr. Foreman...

Bevins:
However, rather than burden the grand jury with another appeaI to Mr. Rockford's sense of civic duty and responsibility, Mr. Foreman, I will, instead, ask that the witness be excused, and file an appeal with the Department of Justice for a grant of immunity. When such grant is forthcoming, this witness will be recalled.

Jim:
Mr. Foreman, may I make a statement?

Foreman:
To what purpose, Mr. Rockford?

Jim:
To clarify a situation that could use some clarification.

Foreman:
All right, Mr. Rockford, a brief statement.

Jim:
There's an old saying, you never buy a pig in a poke. Well, I bought one when I walked into this courtroom the other day. I thought I was walking into a court of law, not an inquisition.

Bevins:
Mr. Foreman, I protest.

Jim:
No, Mr. Bevins, I protest. I'm a citizen of the United States. And, as a citizen, I'm guaranteed certain rights under the constitution. When I try to avail myself of those rights, I'm jailed, I'm threatened, I'm subjected to the worst kind of intimidation...

Bevins:
Mr. Foreman, this witness is trying to impugn the character and reputation...

Jim:
What character?

Foreman:
Mr. Rockford, I must warn you that you can be held in contempt for such statements.

Bevins:
The character of decent citizens who have been impaneled for the purpose...

Jim:
I'm not indicting the grand jury, I'm indicting Mr. Bevins. For misusing and manipulating...

Foreman:
(bangs gavel) Mr. Rockford, I warn you.

Jim:
I told you the truth, and you called me a liar. You paraded my prison record before these jurors, and ignored the fact that I was pardoned. Well, Mr. Bevins, you have less respect for the law than any of the men I ever did time with.

Bevins:
Mr. Foreman!

Jim:
I haven't done a damned thing. I have been subjected to harassment, character assassination, and your presence. Let me tell you, Mr. Bevins, you go ahead and get your grant of immunity, and you stick it in your ear!

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

(Beth got Jim released on a technicality, that his name had been miswritten)

Jim:
Neither one of us knew it was gonna be a kangaroo court.

Rocky:
Yeah, I don't understand it! You told them the truth!

Jim:
Yeah, and they didn't buy it. Hey look, I'm out, right?

Beth:
Temporarily. They're gonna hit you with another subpoena, Jim.

Jim:
Well, let them. This time I go in knowing the ground rules. I give them my name and I take the Fifth Amendment all the way.

Rocky:
That's what I'd do. Well, they think you're guilty anyway.

Jim:
Look, I can use the Fifth Amendment, can I? I mean, they haven't repealed the law or anything?

Beth:
No, sure, you can take it, and they'll dismiss you, it will just be postponing the inevitable. Gary Bevins will apply to the Department of Justice for a grant of immunity, then you'll be recalled and you'll have to testify, or be held in contempt of court, again. This time they're gonna get your name right, my love.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Beth:
[about the Fifth Amendment] It doesn't apply!

Jim:
What do you mean, it doesn't apply? It's in the Constitution!

Beth:
It doesn't apply in this case, Jim. I told you the judge wouldn't buy your privileged argument! He read the questions the grand jury asked you, and he read your answers, and he said you waived your rights.

Jim:
You want to know what I think?

Beth:
I know what you think and I agree with you, only there's nothing I can do about it.

Jim:
I don't even know Frank Sorvino, I don't even know what they're trying to prove, whether I kidnapped him or snuck him out of the country? The federal prosecutor is playing Clarence Darrow like he's got a whip and a chair!

Beth:
Gary Bevins, he's bucking for the Attorney General.

Jim:
And he'll probably make it too. It's his show all the way, no attorney for the defense, you gotta go take a hike to find a judge, it's just Bevins and his merry band of men!

Beth:
Now look, Jim...

Jim:
Oh yeah, yeah, and the jury foreman? He has a gavel! Now since when do they give gavels to jury foremen?

Beth:
They don't, only it's not unusual for the average citizen to sort of get caught up in the role and...

Jim:
And then ask for one.

Beth:
No, I think they buy their own.

Jim:
Oh, come on. Beth, how soon can you get me out of here?

Beth:
I don't think I ought to try.

Jim:
Try? Hey, even murder's bailable!

Beth:
So is civil contempt, if I can convince the judge you got grounds for appeal.

Jim:
Then convince him!

Beth:
It's not that simple, Jim! You can go out one day and come back the next, you can't take this thing all the way to the Supreme Court!

Jim:
You mean I'm going to be eating cream chip beef on toast till they decide to let me out of here?

Beth:
Not exactly, you stay in jail until you agree to testify.

Jim:
Well, I'm not going to testify! Bevins is a one-man lynch mob!

Beth:
Or until the expiration of the current grand jury term.

Jim:
When is that?

Beth:
About nine months.

Jim:
Nine months? Oh, that's a pretty stiff sentence!

Beth:
That's why they made it civil contempt. If they'd made it criminal contempt, and asked for a sentence of more than six months, you'd have had a right to a trial by jury.

Jim:
Nine months...

Beth:
But, when the new grand jury is impaneled, if you're called again and you refuse to testify, again...

Jim:
Then it's back to the old slammer.

Beth:
Until their term expires, eighteen months. Then...

Jim:
And then they impanel another jury and the whole thing starts all over again. I haven't been charged with anything, I haven't been convicted of anything, you know, with a deal like that, do you realize how long I could be in here?

Beth:
Theoretically? The rest of your life.

Jim:
Yeah.

The Rockford Files, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[Stimpy is having a nightmare over accidentally stealing a scooter.]

Old Woman:
That's him! Stealing scooters on Yaksmas! SHAME ON YOU!

Stimpy:
But- But, I--

Shaven Yak:
I stayed up for a week chewing all that gum for you!

Ren:
I'm glad I forgot to get you that stupid scooter! You don't deserve it!

Cop:
I was gonna buy that scooter for my sick little kid! And now look at her!

[Enter the cop's daughter, who is in the form of a demented marionette.]

Marionette:
[laughs insanely] Now look at me! Now look at me! NOW LOOK AT ME! [laughs insanely]

Stimpy:
I can explain! I--

[Stimpy gets slammed by a very large gavel, which belongs to the judge, Stinky Whizzleteats.]

Stinky:
Stimpson J. Cat, you stand accused of stealing a $39 scooter. How do you plead?

Stimpy:
Listen your honor, I--[his tongue reveals the words "guilty as sin" printed on it; he exclaims in shock]

Stinky:
Foreman Yak, how do you find the thieving rat?

[We see the jury, which consists of twelve yaks, with their stand titling them as "12 Angry Yaks". One of the yaks, the foreman yak, stands up, and speaks.]

Foreman Yak:
Guilty, of scootercide in the first degree.

Stinky:
Very well. [points at Stimpy] For your crimes against humanity, your sentence is... INFINITY IN [echoing] PRISON!

[Stimpy gets locked in a jail cell.]

Stimpy:
[crying] BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT!!!!

The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Stimpy: Tive uma nota brilhante pelo Stimpy maltês! Isso diz: "Tenho um nilhaão de lolarés, wE os leões são como escrúplados! Then lock your two knocks on the doors by the docks, And we'll unlock our locks on that spot for a talk!" Say Sam, you look fraught?! Please say you are not! Ren: 'Thought your wad'd be shot, When you got to the spot, 'Bout the docks and the knocks And the locks and the talks, Eet's made me quite rought, Seence you've talked quite a lot, Yet meessed not a jot Nor got caught een meed-thought! I do not like theese ransome plan! I do not like eet, Sam I am!"

The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[last lines in the series]

Stimpy:
Aw, raggy!

The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Fat oaf: So let me get this straight. You're a CIA agent sent by the Queen of America to deliver this top-secret scooter to the West Pole? Stimpy: "Eh, that's right. To the big chief spy himself, Stinky Wizzleteats!"

The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[Ren comes home to find out that Stimpy and Sid have made a mess of the house.]

Ren:
THAT'S IT!!! I've had enough of you and your stupid pet! THERE'S TOOTHPASTE ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!! THE TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS UP!!! AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF CLOWN PANTS NOWADAYS?! AND PLAYING WITH MY STUFF IS STRICTLY... VERBOTEN!!!!

[Upon hearing Ren say "verboten", Sid roars viciously and precedes to maul Ren as he screams.]

Stimpy:
Now, Ren, you should refrain from using any Slavic dialects. Sid is a German attack clown.

The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[Ren is discussing with Stimpy about Sid.]

Ren:
Okay, one more time, if you let the little monster come near me again, I'll...

Stimpy:
Uh... Oh yeah! Kill me slow.

Ren:
And...

Stimpy:
Take my show away from me?

[Sid is looking at Ren's butt.]

Sid:
Hmm, smooth butt. I heard of that.

Ren:
And... [Sid bites Ren's butt, making him scream in pain]

Stimpy:
Oh good! He's teething!

The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Stimpy:
My atomic wave projector will increase the yield of these sugar frosted lumps a thousand fold! Who knows where this could lead?

Ren:
Anyone who's read the title "Dogzilla" has a pretty good idea, I theenk.

Stimpy:
This could be a boon to mankind, you know!

Ren:
You wouldn't say that eef thees story was called "CATZILLA"!

The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

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