Wikidude's Quotes Page #5,751

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude — There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Walter Sullivan: I don't yet know who it is I'm after. Until I do, you'll have to wait in Washington for instructions. Michael McCarty: I'm afraid that's out of the question. Mine is not particularly creative work, and I do it only because I enjoy living beyond my means. I can't afford to just sit around. Walter Sullivan: My father died when I was nine years old. He was a miner. He died of lung disease. I became rich at twenty-five, and the first thing I did was to buy that mine, close it down, and give every miner fifty thousand dollars to retire on. You will wait in Washington, Mr. McCarty. You will choose a penthouse suite, and I will put one million dollars into a Swiss bank of your choosing. And when the time comes... two million dollars a bullet. Michael McCarty: ...You are a salesman, sir. Walter Sullivan: Selling sin is easy. – Absolute Power Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Gloria Russell: What do I do? Bill Burton: Nothing. Because he's making a terrible mistake. He thinks he has time. He doesn't. Seth Frank's too good. He'll bring him in. Gloria Russell: Then what? Tim Collin: Then I kill him. – Absolute Power Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Kate Whitney: Quit wasting my time. He doesn't want you to find him, you're not gonna find him. Seth Frank: You're saying what? He left town, he skipped the country? What? Kate Whitney: I'm saying, you won't recognize him. I'm saying, he could be right around the corner. – Absolute Power Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Collin, disguised as a doctor, tries to kill Kate with an injection; Luther, also disguised as a doctor, comes up behind him and jabs a syringe into his neck] Luther Whitney: Dr. Kevorkian, I presume? My guess is this is right in your carotid artery about now. You're gonna get a little woozy. But if I give you the rest of this, it's gonna fry your brain down to the size of a peanut! Drop that. [Collin drops the syringe, and Luther eases him down to the floor] Tim Collin: [whispering] Luther, he's my president, right or wrong. Luther Whitney: Well, he made a mistake. You made a mistake. When you went after my little girl, that was entirely unacceptable. Tim Collin: [pleading weakly] Mercy. Luther Whitney: I'm fresh out. [Luther plunges the injection into Collin's neck; Collin groans as he dies] Kate Whitney: [starts waking up in hospital bed] Daddy? Luther Whitney: [softly] Go to sleep, darling. – Absolute Power Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Walter Sullivan: Are you taking your shortcut, Tommy? Luther Whitney: I'm your substitute drive tonight, Mr. Sullivan. Oh don't worry about Tommy; he's just fine. Walter Sullivan: It's very unusual. What do I call you? Luther Whitney: Luther, sir. Walter Sullivan: Are you familiar with to get to my townhouse, Luther? Luther Whitney: Oh yes, sir I know where all your houses are. I'm the man who robbed you. And you're the man who tried to kill me. Walter Sullivan: I'm sorry I've missed. I believe in the Old Testament, sir. There's nothing wrong for an eye for an eye for when a terrible deed has been done. A deed such as yours. Luther Whitney: Which you'd like to believe, wouldn't ya? That'd be simple for you to believe that. What do you think that I have to gain by being here? Walter Sullivan: I have no idea. Are you going to rob me again? Luther Whitney: Oh I don't need your money, Mr. Sullivan. Now did you check your vault lately? I put everything back. Walter Sullivan: I'm afraid we're a little late for an attempt at leniency. – Absolute Power Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Luther Whitney: [about the night when Christy was killed] A lot of crap is coming down tonight, sir. Do you want to be a player, or not? Do you want to know what happened that night, or don't you? Because I was there. Walter Sullivan: I want to know. Luther Whitney: Do you think you can, stand hearing about it, how he beat her, tried to strangle her, you want to really know about that? Walter Sullivan: I could walk through the fire. Luther Whitney: Well, I was in the vault when they came in, they were drunk. He started knocking her around, but she fought back, then he started getting really rough, she tried to defend herself, while he started screaming, like the sniveling SIMP HE IS. Walter Sullivan: Who else was in my house? Luther Whitney: The Secret Service, they're the ones who shot her. Walter Sullivan: Nonsense! Luther Whitney: And Gloria Russell she handled the cover up. Walter Sullivan: STOP THIS! Luther Whitney: Don't you want to know who it was? Walter Sullivan: IT WAS YOU! Luther Whitney: Oh come on Mr. Sullivan, we're too old to bullshit each other. Walter Sullivan: WHO WAS IT THEN? Luther Whitney: You know? [Mr. Sullivan nods his head] Don't shake your head at me. When you're alone at night, and your rage takes over and you want to avenge her. What face do you put with your enemy? – Absolute Power Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Aguado stomps on a cockroach.] Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how you gonna solve that one? Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds...porking his wife! Aguado: Why, you- [tries to attack Ace, but he misses] Ace: Come on! [takes him down and holds his face near the dead bug] Now, kiss and make up. – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Ace Ventura: [using his ass to talk to Emilio] Excuse me! I'd like to ASS you a few questions! Emilio: This is not the time, Ace. If Einhorn comes in here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history. Ace Ventura: [turns around to face Emilio] I think I can keep him under control, but you're going to have to tell me who's working the Snowflake case. Emilio: Hey, I can't do nothing for you on that one. My hands are totally tied. – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Roger Podactor: Who's he? Melissa Robinson: Roger Podactor, meet Ace Ventura. He's our pet detective. Podactor: [shakes Ace's hand.] Nice to meet you, you were highly recommended by Martha Metz. Ace Ventura: Martha Metz? Oh, yeah, the bitch! Podactor: What? Ventura: Pekingese, hyperactive, lost in Highland Park area. She was half-dead when I found her. [looks at the tank area] Is that the tank? Excuse me. [walks off with Melissa and Roger standing in disbelief] – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Ace Ventura: [speaking through his rear opera-style] Assholiomio...Osodomia...Lea-- [sees Lois Einhorn] HOLY...testicle Tuesday! Lois Einhorn: What the hell is he doing here? Ventura: I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll. – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[at the crime scene following Roger Podacter's death] Ace: Oh, there is just... one more thing, Lieutenant. This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor, she lives across the hall. She said she heard a scream, isn't that right Ma'am? Lady: Right. Ace: (to the manager) And you said you had to open the balcony door when you came into the room? Man: That's true. Ace Ventura: You're certain you had to open this door? Man: Yeah, I'm certain. Lois Einhorn: What's the point, Ventura?! Ventura: Only this... [walks out to the balcony and begins singing like an opera singer while opening and closing the door; no one can hear him when the door is closed] This is double-paned soundproof glass! There is no way that neighbor could've heard Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut! The scream she heard came from inside this apartment before he was thrown over the balcony, and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah! Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! [mimics Tangina character from Poltergeist] I have exorcised the demons! This house is clear. Losers? Einhorn: [everyone stares in shock] GET HIM OUT OF HERE! Ventura: [starts making his way out with Melissa while looking at everyone, holding his fingers like an L] LOSERS! Leh-hew, ze-hers! – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Ronald Camp: Who is he, a friend? Melissa Robinson: No, this is--this is my date. He's a lawyer. Camp: Well, does he have a name, or should I call him "lawyer"? Robinson: No, this is Ace. Um, Tom Ace. Ventura: Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you Mr. Camp, and congratulations on all your success. You smell terrific. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at Stanford Law was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy private homeowners. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice with little else. How is everyone feeling tonight? Camp: [nervously] Very, very well, thank you. Ventura: [to Melissa] Oh. Look, honey, there's the hors d'oeuvres. [looks suspiciously at Camp] – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Lt. Einhorn is pointing a gun at Ace's head] Ace Ventura: [begging] Don't kill me! Please! I'll never tell anyone, I swear... [indicates Marino] He's the one you want! Kill him! Dan Marino: No, kill him! He's the detective! Ventura: No, kill him! He held the ball wrong, remember?! Come on, look at the guy! [startled at Einhorn shooting into the air] Marino: [to Ace] Crybaby. Ventura: [to Dan] Jock. Marino: Wimp. Ventura: Musclehead. Lois Einhorn: SHUT UP! I think I'll kill the dolphin first, I wouldn't want you to miss that! – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Einhorn: Shoot him! SHOOT HIM! Emilio: Hold your fire! [Melissa drags Emilio into the area with a gun pointed at him] Don't shoot. Melissa: Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it! [cocks gun and puts it under Emilio's chin] Emilio: She's not joking! Einhorn: HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! He killed Roger Podacter, and he was just about to kill Dan Marino and ME! Ace: Oh-ho-HO! Fiction can be fun! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. [takes deep breath and begins speaking at a faster clip] What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing! [gasps for air] Aguado: What the hell are you talking about? Ace: [pointing at Einhorn] SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man! Einhorn: He's lying...SHOOT HIM! Ace: [laughs] Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? [pulls on Einhorn's hair, assuming it's a wig] Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this...would a real woman be missing these? [rips open Einhorn's blouse, revealing her breasts] That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his... busy schedule...to get rid of big ol' Mr. Knish! [rips Einhorn's skirt off, believing she is hiding a penis, but she appears to have the normal figure of a woman] Heh heh...oh, boy. Dan Marino: Psst, Ace...come here. Ace: Would you excuse me for just one second? [Ace walks over to Marino, who whispers to him about something that leaves Ace agape] Ladies and gentlemen...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken...if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be...then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! [Ace grabs Einhorn and spins her around revealing a huge penis tucked behind her legs, making everyone gasp in shock] THAT'S why Roger Podacter is dead! He found Captain Winky!! [Everyone in the Miami Dade PD, including Marino and Snowflake reacts in disgust because it means that Finkle/Einhorn had indeed kissed them like she/he did Ace.] Ace: Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress. [Finkle picks up a piece of glass] Finkle: DIE ANIMAL BOY!! [runs at Ace, attempting to kill him] Ace: Quick decision. [Ace somersaults Finkle into the water] – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Ace is trying to catch the rare albino pigeon that landed on the Gatorade cooler, when a man playing Swoop chases it away.] Ace: IDIOT! Swoop: What?! Ace: You realize what you just did. You cost me $25,000, Polly! Swoop: Yeah? Blow me. Ace: Rrreeallly? – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Abbott: Great, I'll go tell the others. Ace Ventura: Master, break it to them gently. [Moments later some monks pop open a glass bottle of champagne and pour it in glasses. As Ace and Fulton are leaving, they see the monks dancing in jubilation, a roll of toilet paper is thrown and a monk is seen running naked as they head outside and the doors to the temple closes] Ace Ventura: I've never seen them act like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[with Greenwall at top of the huge stairs leading to a temple] Ace Ventura: I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go... [close-up of slinky going down huge steps to temple] Ace Ventura: Isn't this incredible?! It's gonna be some kind of a record! [singing] Everyone loves a Slinky! You gotta get a Slinky! Slinky, Slinky! Go Slinky go! [Slinky stops on the second to last step] Awwwwww, MAN! Can you believe it?! It was right there! Can I do it one more time? Fulton Greenwall: Forgive me, Mr. Ventura, but if we don't hurry now, we might miss the plane. Ace Ventura: Of course. How selfish of me. Let's do all the things that you wanna do. – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[at a diplomatic function inside the British consulate in Nibia, after noticing a woman wearing a fox fur wrap] Ace Ventura: [leaning at the bottom of the staircase] That's a lovely wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could buy you some fluffy new slippers, made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals! The Monopoly Guy: Who is this ghastly man? Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy! Hey...[whispering] thanks for the free parking. Pompous woman: Another activist, McGuire. The Monopoly Guy: Activist, yes... [snobby laugh] Ace: [imitating him] Activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm! Pompous Woman: Mr. Ventura, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime. Ace: Alrighty then! [smacks the "Monopoly Guy" in the face which knocks him unconscious, then drapes him over his shoulders, in mockery of the woman's fur wrap] You know something? You're right! [sings and dance exotically around the room, then shakes the man, making his jaw move] Do not pass go! Do not collect 200 dollars! [hands him back to the woman] It's lovely, but I fancy myself an autumn. – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Ace Ventura: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely. Ouda: It's made from guano. Ace Ventura: Guano. Sounds so familiar. [starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl] Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings. [Ace drops the bowl spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue] Fulton Greenwall: Guano is their chief resource, they use it to make many things in the village. Ace Ventura: ... Yummy! – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Ace Ventura: [inspects the Great White Bat's sacred hut upon entering] Quite an auspicious dwelling for a filthy flying weasel. [starts to climb up on the altar, but quickly jumps off as the Chief shouts at him] Fulton Greenwall: Please, Mr. Ventura! That is sacred ground, I'm sorry. But only the Wachati are allowed to step there. Ace Ventura: [noticing the Chief has a dagger to his throat] Hey. Take it easy. I'm the loogie guy, remember? [the Chief puts his weapon away and turns to talk to Fulton; Ace prances about on the altar while the Chief isn't looking] Fulton Greenwall: Er, yes, yes, Chief, thank you. Thank you. [to Ace] The Chief says that unless the Sacred Bat is returned before the marriage of the princess, the entire Wachati tribe will meet their death. Ace Ventura: What type of bat are we talking about here? Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course. Ace Ventura: Crepuscular chiroptera?! Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka. [Natives kneel in respect of the name every time it is mentioned; Ace takes notice of this] Ace Ventura: Shikaka? [they kneel again] Shikaka! [they kneel once more; Ace chuckles deviously] Shikasha! [the chief begins to kneel but catches on that he didn't say the name right] Ahhh! Sssssshhhhhhhish-kebab. Sssssshhhh- "Shawshank Redemption". CHI-CA-GO! [Chief kneels] You're outta there! [points outside] Go on, you're gone, go on. [the Chief leaves the hut] – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Ace has been caught spying on the Wachootoo and tries to explain himself through Ouda] Ace Ventura: Tell them what I'm saying. [faces the Wachootoo] I come in peace! Ouda: [in poorly-translated Wachootoo] White Devil say, "I will harm you." [The Wachootoo look suspicious] Ace: [to Ouda] I couldn't help but notice the "equinsu ocha" part. Did you just refer to me as "white devil"? Ouda: This how they know you. Ace: Leave that part out from now on! [to Wachootoo] I represent the princess! Ouda: [in poorly-translated Wachootoo] "I am a Princess." [tribesmen look confused; one young man eyes Ace with interest] Ace: War is hell. The last thing we want... is a fight! Ouda: [in poorly-translated Wachootoo] "I want to fight, so go to hell." [The Wachootoo roar in anger; the Chief speaks to Ace] The chief said, "If you pass all Wachootoo tests, you do not die." Ace: [observes the Wachootoo for a moment] Kooky! – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Ace is pontificating about the Shikaka abduction and any motives] Ace Ventura: Someone wants the tribes to destroy each other. There must be something valuable in this equation. Perhaps we should meditate upon it, Spike. For it is said that when seeking answers, one must quiet the soul in order to hear them. [sits down crosslegged] What is it the Wachatis possess that is of great value to other men - besides the princess with the amazing rack? All righty, then. [meditates and recites "All righty then" in trance to communicate with his master at the Ashram monastery] Monk: [sees Ace's spirit] Oh Ace. You're back? Ace: You can dispense with the smallpox, all-knowing one. I'm here on business, and time is of the essence. Monk: Very well. What answer do you seek? Ace: I need to know what it is the Wachatis possess that is of great value to civilized man? Monk: The medallion will lead you to the answer. You do still have the medallion, don't you? Ace: Medallion? Why, surely. I left it back, uhh, with my body. Monk: Your aura is weakening. Ace: OKAY, I THREW IT IN A CAVE! What do you want from me? What are you? Mr. Perfect?! You wanna know where it is? It's probably lying in a BIG PILE of... [suddenly realizes the answer; the Monk smiles and nods in assent at him; Ace opens his eyes] Guano! They have guano! – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[having discovered Cadby's scheme, Ace enters the British Consulate to confront him. As he enters the main room, he stamps his foot on the floor to get Cadby's attention] Vincent Cadby: Hello, Ace. You want your money? Ace Ventura: Wrong again, Sweeney Todd! I've come for the secret bat. Where is it? Vincent Cadby: Please. Whatever can you mean? Ace Ventura: Guano? Hello?! Does "poop" ring a bell? [takes out a book and reads from it] "Guano: mined as a source of nitrate, producing 84% of the world's supply of fertilizer, a 1.4 billion dollar industry." [closes the book] THAT's what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area, and you want that dookie so bad, you can taste it. Fulton Greenwall: But Sir, I thought that... Vincent Cadby: [quietly] Thank you, Fulton... [back to Ace] That's a fine theory, Mr. Ventura... What has it got to do with me? Ace Ventura: I thought you'd never ask! [sucks in air, then starts talking rapidly] The day I met you, there was a white substance on your shoe that I mistook for plaster; yesterday I saw the same white substance outside the hut where the bat was kept, and suddenly it hit me: the Great White Bat has Great White Guano! That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, and that explains the abrasion on your palm! ...Let me run that back for ya. [steps back while talking backwards, as if on a tape being rewound] That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, and that explains the abrasion ON YOUR PALM! DAMN I'M GOOD! [does pelvic thrusts] Can you feel that?! Huh?! Can you feel it, Captain Compost?! The day of redemption is at hand!!! REPENT... And thou shall be saved. – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[The Wachati Princess and the tiny Wachootoo warrior get married and enter a special tent to consummate their union] Fulton Greenwall: They will now consummate the marriage in the witness of the tribe. [gently pats Ace on the shoulder] Well done, Ace. You must be extremely proud. Ace Ventura: Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to attain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation. [suddenly sees Wachootoo warrior emerge from tent screaming angrily] What's that he's saying? Fulton Greenwall: I think he's saying she's not a virgin. [looks pointedly at Ace] Ace Ventura: ... They can tell that?! [both Wachati and Wachootoo chase Ace through the jungle] – Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Movie Quote	added 5 years ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

The Web's Largest Resource for

Famous Quotes & Sayings

A Member Of The STANDS4 Network

Browse Quotes.net

#A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Random New Quotes

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»

What TV series is this quote from: "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"?

A Scooby Doo

B The Simpsons

C South Park

D SpongeBob SquarePants