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All-Knowing Vortigaunt: We remember the Freeman. We are coterminous. – Half-Life 2 (2004)	added by Veteran-Gear 3 days ago
All-Knowing Vortigaunt: Our cause seems hopeless. – Half-Life 2 (2004)	added by Veteran-Gear 3 days ago
All-Knowing Vortigaunt: Hurrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Churrrrrrrrrrr---Koff! Hack! Wheeze! – Half-Life 2 (2004)	added by Veteran-Gear 3 days ago
Augustus Cole: Take that all! Yeah, baby! Yeah! Come get some! Come get some! Yeah, Cole's here, baby! Dominic Santiago: Marcus. is that-? Marcus Fenix: It's gotta be! Augustus Cole: Oh yeah! [Cole personally destroys the remnants of the Locust forces] Augustus Cole: Nobody plays this game like me! Nobody! Dominic Santiago: Cole! Augustus Cole: Ha ha! In the flesh, baby! [Cole saws throught the entrance to the Delta with a chainsaw] Augustus Cole: Tried to tell you to stay away from that chopper, man! Sounds like shit got thick for you. Marcus Fenix: It did. Thanks for the assist, Cole. [] Where's the rest of your squad? Augustus Cole: [Shaking COG Tags] Here's my squad... exept for Baird and Tanner. We got separated after the drop. Their last message came from nearby. Marcus Fenix: Sounds like we got a new objective. Control, this is Delta. Cancel mayday, we've regrouped with Cole. Baird and Sigma are MIA, we're assisting on the search. Augustus Cole: Regrouped?! Is that's what you call it when i save your ass? Anya Stroud: Copy that, Delta. We have additional squads moving in to secure Ilima. Marcus Fenix: Roger, Control. We'll keep you posted. Delta out. Augustus Cole: Regr- Ha ha! Regrouped! That's good one! Good thing you got your star player back, Delta! Dominic Santiago: Heh. Welcome back, Cole Train. – Gears of War 2 (2008)	added by Veteran-Gear 3 days ago
Marcus Fenix: Hi, boys. Dominic Santiago: I can smell you two mile away. Damon Baird: Screw you, man. You get down here and see how much you like it! There's a room for one more. It's a fucking party down here. Dominic Santiago: No thanks! Marcus Fenix: Keep moving. We'll see you at the carts. – Gears of War (2006)	added by Veteran-Gear 3 days ago
[as Jack commands the Xtacles to blow up another mountain, one of the Xtacles gets crushed by mountain parts] Joseph Bigsby: OH, NO! Why is this happening? Nature hates us! A.L.E.X.: Well done, sir. Why don't you go celebrate with your friends? Jack Taggart: Friends? A leader can't afford to have friends. A.L.E.X.: Of course, you can't. Jack Taggart: What do you know about friendship, you're a damn hologram. A.L.E.X.: Well, that's hurtful. Jack Taggart: You're probably friends with a broken toaster or a point and shoot camera. Am I right? is that how you roll? A.L.E.X.: Yeah, those things don't talk. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Evil President Stan: Ladies and gentlemen. It is now safe to unveil my new Stanument, which I've been assured is 100% rape-proof. General: In the ass. Evil President Stan: Yes I know! [as Stan grabs the sheet out of the away, the statue then revealed to be Stan riding a horse on the back while his mouth been brutally raped leaving a big hole on it] Evil President Stan: Oh, for f*ing sake! Rape Ape: What? Look what he's wearing, he practically wanted it. – The Xtacles** (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Jack Taggart: So, Rapier Ape. We meet again. Rapier Ape: I don't even know who you people are! Jack Taggart: Surrender now or die. Rapier Ape: I surrender, that's a no-brainer. Jack Taggart: Too late! [Jack punches Rapier Ape's stomach] Rapier Ape: Please, you don't understand! Jack Taggart: These fists do all the understanding I need, and guess what -- They get it. [Jack finishes off Rapier Ape with his last punch] Police Officer: Hi! We got a report from a man threatening to rape someone? Jack Taggart: Just in time, officers. This statue-raping piece of garbage was about to confess. [Rapier Ape spits out one of his teeth after getting punched] Rapier Ape: [bruised] There they go. [spits] There they go. Police Officer: Sounds guilty to me. Chase Fontaine: He'll be going to prison for a long time. Where he'll never be able to rape again. Parrot: [squawks] Its a living. Jack Taggart: Rapier Ape. Consider yourself retired! Rapier Ape: I AM RETIRED! Jack Taggart: Xtacle style. [punches Rapier Ape] Chase Fontaine: Anti-rape boosh. Police Officer: Hey, uh, you mind if I get a couple in there? Jack Taggart: Sure. Many and Moe here could use a little break. [talking about his fists] Police Officer: Nice. Rapier Ape: No, please. Police Officer: [punches Rapier Ape several times] TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! Camera Reporter Man: Smile for me, Rapier Ape! I'm gonna put you in the papers! [takes a photo] You sick son of a btch. Joseph Bigsby:* This show doesn't make any sense. Where did all those other pirates get laser guns from? Mr. Ford: You mean the Xtacles? Joseph Bigsby: Those are the Xtacles? Geez. I gotta go! [leaves] Mr. Ford: Good thing I got drunk for this. [drinks from his binoculars] – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Chase Fontaine: [to Pirate Leader] Eat lasers, you scurvy btches! Pirate Leader:* Wait, don't! Don't! [out of character] I have a wife and kids, man. [Chase shoots Pirate Leader] Chase Fontaine: Save it for the judge. Parrot: [squawks] I like you. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
[one of the pirates fires a t-shirt to an Xtacle] Xtacle #8: IT'S TOO SMAAAALL! – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
[as the pirate play kept on going, the Xtacles arrived] Xtacle #6: BOOSH! Woman: It's those raping robots! Pirate Actor: But you guys aren't suppose to be up here. Xtacle #7: F U, dickbeard! [Xtacle #7 kicked the pirate actor] Pirate Actor: Aah, my face! – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Pirate Leader: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Funbeard's! You there, ready the rum-colored liquid and man the t-shirt cannons! [a pirate henchman fires t-shirt with a cannon onto the girl's face, hardly] Pirate Leader: We shall christen this voyage with a song! Pirates: [singing] We know a pirate who plunders for fun, serving you liquid colored like rum. Slashes at boredom, skewers the humdrum. Bring the kid to Funbeards! Pirate Leader: [singing] I'm gonna stab a smile on your face, sink my hook in your tender place. Pillage your butthole -- Parrot: [singing] What a disgrace. Pirates: [singing] LOOKOUT! Pirate Leader: Here comes Funbeard! [shows a woman who's half-naked while wrapped around in some white cloth] Pirates: [singing] Way-hey, escape to Funbeards. Way-hey, get raped at Funbeards. Mr. Ford: Damn. I didn't know pirates sand so much...and so poorly. Joseph Bigsby: I was hoping there'd be more dancing. Pirate Leader: Let us see if your feet dance as swiftly as your sword! Joseph Bigsby: YARRR!!! Mr. Ford: Uh-huh, yar...whatever. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Mr. Ford: 40 bucks for a plastic sword?! That ain't right. Joseph Bigsby: It's a cutlass. Mr. Ford: I've been in 8 car crashes. One was with a cutlass, and let me tell ya, it's a terrible car to crash into. Joseph Bigsby: No, a cutlass. Mr. Ford: Just don't do it. Joseph Bigsby: It's a sword used in swashbuckling. Mr. Ford: What you talking about? Joseph Bigsby: That's what it says on the label. Mr. Ford: It should say that a cutlass is built like a damn tank. Now an MG, that's a car you wanna crash into. Mr. Ford: Because it's a tiny car for tiny british peoples. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Jack Taggart: Any words from Recon Squad? Chase Fontaine: No, sir. They missed their last check in. Jack Taggart: My god. They've been compromised! Xtacles: [gasps] A.L.E.X.: Guys, come on, now. Let's not attempt any murderous conclusions. Jack Taggart: This is it boys -- Commence Operation: Murderous Conclusions. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Chase Fontaine: Hey, baby. All I'm sayin' is you're hot. I'm obviously hot. When are we gonna get together and have some double hot sex? A.L.E.X.: Chase, I'm programmed to look like this. Chase Fontaine: Yeah? Well, baby I'm programmed to be turned on by you. A.L.E.X.: It doesn't even matter what I look like. Chase Fontaine: [laughs] it matters. A.L.E.X.: Really? [changes its face to Chase's face] How about now? Chase Fontaine: Oh, my god. You've been reading my jackoff fantasy blog. [Jack Taggart arrives] Jack Taggart: Chase, what's are sta-- Oh, my god. Two Chases. One of you will have to be destroyed. [pulls up his gun] Chase Fontaine: Wait, wait, wait! A.L.E.X.: Wait! Wait! [goes back to its original face] Chase Fontaine: [groans] A.L.E.X.: Sorry, sir. I was trying to prove a point. Jack Taggart: Don't ever do that again. If we have to have a damn hologram on this ship, you're definitely not gonna look like some -- Dude. A.L.E.X.: Ugh. But it doesn't even matter what I look like. Xtacles: OH, IT MATTERS! Chase Fontaine: Besides that's what fat chicks say. [sexually] And you're not fat. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
[Sculptor creates a small statue of Stan being a naked spartan] Evil President Stan: I asked for this statue to be 100% breakproof and this is what you gave me? Look at what I'm wearing! I practically want it. General: it looks ridiculous. Sculptor: Well, I could sculpt you seated, in a stately recline. Evil President Stan: So I can look lazy like that pussy Lincoln? Forget it. General: Hey, hey, now take it easy on that, Mr. Lincoln. Evil President Stan: Would you shut up. Sculptor: This is hopeless. Evil President Stan: Just take all my vague and contradictory directions and turn them into something the world has never seen before. What's so hard about that? – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
[Joseph Bigsby sees a car with Rapier Ape inside] Joseph Bigsby: Hold up. Silver Celica, that's out guy. [pulls up a telescope] It looks like he's got a change of clothes. [gasps] He must be planning some kind of overnight raping. Look, he's luring that lady inside to get raped! Mr. Ford: You gonna do som'n or what? Joseph Bigsby: HEY! LADY! DON'T GO IN THERE! YOU'RE GONNA GET RAPED! Jessica: Huh? Joseph Bigsby: YOU! Jessica: Me? Joseph Bigsby: YEAH, YOU! YOU'RE GONNA GET RAPED! Jessica: Oh my goodness. Joseph Bigsby: WITH A SWORD! Rapier Ape: Do you wish me to call the police, Miss Jessica. Joseph Bigsby: YOU'RE GONNA GET RAAAAAAAPED! Jessica: Let's just get inside! Rapier Ape: Post haste! Joseph Bigsby: You're gonna get raped! [Rapier Ape and Jessica already went inside] Joseph Bigsby: Damn it! We lost her. She's as good as raped. Mr. Ford: Don't blame yourself, you did everything you could...from inside this car. Joseph Bigsby: Oh, hey. I think our table is ready. Mr. Ford: 'Bout damn time. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
[Joseph Bigsby sees a newspaper of Rapier Ape] Joseph Bigsby: Well this is crazy. Mr. Ford: Huh? Joseph Bigsby: Well, there's another ape with a sword. Only this guy volunteers at a homeless shelter. Why can't our ape with a sword be like that guy? Mr. Ford: That's nature vs nature for ya. Joseph Bigsby: Well, I say nature. Mr. Ford: Well, I say f* you. – The Xtacles** (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Rapier Ape: I shall plunge my sword deep into my heart...of artichokes. You can also use lamb. I love banana peppers for taste and color. But obviously, use whatever you can scrounge out of the dumpster. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
A.L.E.X.: Jack. [tired chuckle] I've got no record of villain named Rape Ape. Jack Taggart: Of course there's a Rape Ape. He's that guy who is going around raping these statues. Just put that in the file, access it, and read it back to me. A.L.E.X.: Ok, uh...here it is. Jack Taggart: Well, what does it say? A.L.E.X.: "Rape Ape -- That guy who is going around raping these statues". Jack Taggart: Case closed! Chase Fontaine: Boosh! Xtacle #3: Good job. Xtacle #4: That was easy. A.L.E.X.: No, Jack! Case not closed. Jack Taggart: What? A.L.E.X.: If Rape Ape existed, which to reiterate -- He doesn't, you'd still have to catch him. Jack Taggart: Ok fine, then what about this guy below Rape Ape. A.L.E.X.: Rapier Ape? Jack Taggart: Yeah and look at his name, Rapier Ape. He's obviously taken raping to a whole new level. A.L.E.X.: Rapier Ape is retired -- Joseph Bigsby: Oh, my god! Tell me there isn't a Rapi-est ape! Chase Fontaine: Oh, my god! A.L.E.X.: Rapier Ape is retired, and he's called that because he wields a rapier. Joseph Bigsby: He...wields another rapist? A.L.E.X.: No, a rapier. It's a sword used in fencing. Chase Fontaine: That is just sick! He rapes people with a sword?! Xtacle #4: Man, that's gross. Xtacle #3: That is sick. Joseph Bigsby: Gosh, I'd rather be raped with a penis. Jack Taggart: And you just may get your wish. Joseph Bigsby: Wait. Jack Taggart: [to A.L.E.X.] Where is he now? Joseph Bigsby: No. It's not a wish. A.L.E.X.: God. Rapier Ape, retried from his life of crime, is currently employed at the theme restaurant, Funbeard's Xtacle #5: Ooh, Funbeards! A.L.E.X.: He makes use of his swashbuckling as one of their dinner theater actors. Jack Taggart: Alright people, this is serious. We've got hostages. A.L.E.X.: Those are tourists. Jack Taggart: A heavily fortified pirate ship... A.L.E.X.: That's actually a retrofitted sizzler. Jack Taggart: And an ape who is even rapier than Rape Ape. A.L.E.X.: Is my volume even on? – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Jack Taggart: What kind of sick bastard would rape a cast bronze statue? Joseph Bigsby: I've run some numbers, sir. According to math, a man's junk could never have done this kind of damage. Jack Taggart: What then? I want some answers, damn it! Joseph Bigsby: A gorilla, sir. A gorilla's junk would be big enough. Jack Taggart: Some sort of raping gorilla? GOOD LORD! IT MUST HAVE BEEN RAPE APE! – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Jack Taggart: Chase, round up any eye witnesses. I want this defilement erased from their memories. Chase Fontaine: I'm on it. [Chase grabs a civilian] Civilian: Wait, I know who did it... [Chase head smashes the civilian] Chase Fontaine: Hey, what about you, eyeballs? What did you see? Black Guy: Not a damn thing. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Jack Taggart: Get this statue covered up. The President's ass has suffered enough humiliation. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago
Evil President Stan: Today is a great day for me, and therefore by default, also a great day for americans. Reporter Woman: Is it true that you spent 200 million of the tax payers' dollars to build this statue? Evil President Stan: Why that's ridiculous as the rumor my press secretary and his aides feed on human flesh! Stan Clones: Hurumph! Hurumph! Hurumph! Reporter Woman: Hi, guys. Evil President Stan: Ladies and gentlemen...I give the Stanument! [as the workers reveals the Stanument] Evil President Stan: Oh my god! My ass! [then the Stanument falls down hurting the reporter woman and Stan clones] Evil President Stan: SOMEONE HAS DESECRATED MY STATUE! General: In the ass. Evil President Stan: YES, IN THE ASS. I CAN SEE THAT! General: Imagine if that had been your real ass, the sheer brutality of it. Evil President Stan: I want whoever did this to pay! Get me Mechaconstable. General: Uh sir, about that, his firmware got bricked when I tried to install some, uh, third party programs. Evil President Stan: What! Why can't you ever be happy with factory settings? General: Cause I'm not a lame-ass noob. Sir. Evil President Stan: Fine, get me those damned Xtacles. – The Xtacles (2008)	added by timothyj.29104 8 days ago

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