Search results for 'spongebob'

SpongeBob:
[someone knocks on the door. Goes towards the front door and opens it to see that nobody is there.] Hello. Hmm. That's odd. I could've sworn I heard a knock at the door. [Two fish dressed in hot dog costumes puts him between two big buns. SpongeBob yells while being muffled]

[The Hot Dog Minions takes him to "Weenie Hut" where Mr. Weiner handcuffs SpongeBob's right hand to pipe and SpongeBob's left hand to hot dog tongs]

SpongeBob:
[confused] Mr. Weenie?

Mr. Weiner:
Congratulations, SpongeBob, you've been promoted.

SpongeBob:
But you just fired me.

Mr. Weiner:
That's mustard under the bun, my boy. The important thing is my customers love your little sliders. [shows "Weenie Patty"] Now get to work!

SpongeBob:
[raises handcuffed hand] I'm pretty sure this is illegal. What am I gonna do now?

Pizza Pete:
[from the background] Pst! [shows him in the shadow] Hey, kid. You need help out of here? [leans out of the shadow]

SpongeBob:
Pizza Pete! Yes, please. That wiener has me chained to the grill, [Pizza Pete approaches him] and he really seems to be relishing it.

Pizza Pete:
I have something to free you. [yakes pizza sauce out]

SpongeBob:
Pizza sauce? [Pizza Pete puts the pizza sauce on both handcuffs and he slips them off] I'm free!

Pizza Pete:
Great! Now you can get to my grill. [takes bread stick out]

SpongeBob:
What? [Pizza Pete ties his hands with the breadstick] Parmesan-crusted breadstick?! [Pizza Pete takes him] Whoa!

Mr. Weiner:
[from the kitchen door] Hey! Where are you going with my fry cook?!

[Cuts SpongeBob being carried by Pizza Pete and screaming]

Noodleman:
[swipes SpongeBob with a pair of giant chopsticks and laughs while being on a roof] I'll take one fry-cook to go! [jumps off the roof and laughs again after landing. Señor Taco opens the door next to him and sends him away]

SpongeBob:
[lands] Oh, thank you, Señor Tac-! [Señor Taco grabs him with his suit] Oh, no! Not you too! [screams while Señor Taco carries him]

Pizza Pete, Mr. Weiner, and Noodleman:
[Señor Taco runs into them] Get him! [they jump on Señor Taco]

[Fight starts and smoke covers the screen that soon disappears to show all four of them stretching SpongeBob by pulling each of his limbs]

SpongeBob:
Whoa!

Noodleman:
Let go!

Mr. Weiner:
He's mine!

Senor Taco:
I was here first!

Pizza Pete:
No, I was!

[Scene expands to show someone in a Krabby Patty costume on the roof.]

Krabby Patty Man:
Stop! Unhand that sponge! [Jumps on Pizza Pete and punches him away. Takes Señor Taco and destroys his costume by gobbling it. Señor Taco runs away embarrassed.]

Noodleman:
[drops SpongeBob] It's the Killer Patty! [gets noodles squeezed out of his costume by Krabby Patty Man]

Mr. Weiner:
[Krabby Patty Man walks towards him and he drops SpongeBob before he gets to him] Here, take him! Just don't hurt me. [Whimpers with eyes closed. Opens eyes to see that Krabby Patty Man is gone and sighs. Starts humming while crossing the street and is hit by a bus] Aah!

[The scene changes to show SpongeBob waking up]

SpongeBob:
[opens eyes] Krabby Patty! You saved me! [Krabby Patty Man starts carrying him] Well, here we go again.

[Krabby Patty Man carries him to the Krusty Krab and walks past John, Blue Fred, and Thaddeus exiting it. Smokes comes out of the Krusty Krab when John opens the front door]

John:
Ugh! This place is terrible!

Blue Fred:
The Krusty Krab has really gone downhill.

[As they get inside, Krabby Patty Man puts SpongeBob down. Krusty Krab is a mess and there is smoke coming through the order window]

Nat Peterson:
[holding burned Krabby Patty] How can you serve this slop? [Throws it on the floor] I'm never eating here again! [Leaves]

Mr. Krabs:
[holding spatula in his hand and exiting the kitchen with one burnt eyebrow.] Wait! Come back! [drops spatula] That was me last customer. [SpongeBob and Krabby Patty Man approach] SpongeBob? [takes SpongeBob and lifts him.] Squidward, you found him!

SpongeBob:
[gasps] Squidward?

Squidward:
[takes Krabby Patty costume off] I'm afraid so. [kicks costume and leans hand towards SpongeBob] SpongeBob?

SpongeBob:
Yes?

Squidward:
You know I hate you, right?

SpongeBob:
Yes, I do.

Squidward:
Well, I hate the smell of burning Krabby Patties more. [he gets down on one pair of knees and takes SpongeBob's hand to propose... that he come back to the Krusty Krab] Please come back and be the fry cook again.

SpongeBob:
[turns to Mr. Krabs] Well, if it's okay with you, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs:
Oh, laddy. [takes SpongeBob] I shoulda never let you go. The Krusty Krab has fallen apart without you. You're rehired, boy.

SpongeBob:
[turns to Squidward who is still on knees] All right! Now my life has purpose again! [turns away] Let's get this place cleaned up. [jumps on the beam where bucket and mop are prepared and his hat already tied to the rope. Does the victory screech, jumps of the beam and cleans everything while swinging; including giving Mr. Krabs brand new suit and Squidward a brand new pink dress and crown.]

Squidward:
Hmm. [examines dress] Not exactly my color.

SpongeBob:
[cuts the rope tied to his hat, flies back to the kitchen through order window, takes patty off the grill and exits through the kitchen door with the Krabby Patty on the plate.] The Krusty Krab is back in business!

Patrick:
What’s so great about dumb ol' Texas? [the bus suddenly speeds back; the doors open revealing Sandy with an angry look on her face]

Sandy:
What did you say?!

Patrick:
Texas is dumb?

Sandy:
[the bus drives off again] Don't you dare take the name of Texas in vain!

SpongeBob:
You mean we can't say anything bad about dumb ol' Texas?

Sandy:
No, you can't!

Patrick:
Oh, then can we say people from Texas are dumb?

Sandy:
No! You can't say NOTHIN' ABOUT TEXAS!

SpongeBob:
[gets an idea] Ohhh, so we shouldn’t say anything bad about [turns and shakes his rear end] TeEeXxaAAaAsss.

Sandy:
[blushes angrily] I'm warnin' you, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
Look, Patrick, I'm Texas! Duh, howdy, y'all! Howdy y'all!

Patrick:
I'm Texas, too. Git a dog, little longie! Git a dog!

SpongeBob:
Howdy y'all!

Patrick:
Git a dog, little longie! Git a dog!

Sandy:
Y'all best cut it out!

SpongeBob:
[while Patrick does armpit farts] The stars at night are dull and dim, whenever they have to be over dumb ol' stupid Texas! [Sandy gets steaming mad. SpongeBob turns into the shape of Texas] Hey, Patrick, what am I now?

Patrick:
Uhh, stupid?

SpongeBob:
No, I'm Texas!

Patrick:
What's the difference?! [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]

Sandy:
[drops suitcases] Y'all best apologize, or I'm gonna be on you like ugly on an ape!

SpongeBob:
You'll have to catch us first! [he and Patrick run off] We did it. We got her.

Patrick:
Krusty Krab, here we come! [turns head around to Sandy] Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb? Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?

SpongeBob:
Ok, Patrick, that's enough.

Patrick:
Why? Do you think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna— [...catch up, which she is. And fast. Patrick's eyes bug out and he screams]

SpongeBob:
Run faster, Patrick! [both of them scream; they go around each side of a huge rock. Sandy crashes right through the rock, obliterating it, and walks while twirling a lasso. Her shoe engulfs the screen, Sandy lassoes Patrick and brings him into the background]

Patrick:
[screams] SpongeBob! [Nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears. SpongeBob screams. SpongeBob stops in front of a leaf and shakes as Sandy karate chops the leaf and SpongeBob in half]

Sandy:
Hi-yah! [SpongeBob jumps with his halves and he gets back together] Y'all gonna take back what ya said!

SpongeBob:
No! Almost there! [runs toward the Krusty Krab. Sandy's lasso turns into the shape of SpongeBob; SpongeBob screams. As he jumps for the Krusty Krab, Sandy throws her lasso. SpongeBob hangs onto the door as Sandy pulls him towards her]

Sandy:
SpongeBob! You've been messin’ with the bull! Now here come the horns!

SpongeBob:
[grunts] Sandy! No! [the front of the Krusty Krab tears off as Sandy has pulled tight enough]

Everyone:
Howdy, y'all!

Sandy:
Wha-what's this?

SpongeBob:
It's a party!

Patrick:
[hops over to the Krusty Krab, hogtied and covered in bandages] For you!

Sandy:
For me?!

SpongeBob:
It's your own little slice of Texas! Check it out, Sandy! We got square dancing... [Flats is holding a square] ...giant Barbecues... [Squidward is holding a sharp, spiky Q]

Squidward:
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

SpongeBob:
...homemade peas-in-a-can pie... [Pearl is holding a pie with a can of peas in it] ...and we got our very own 10 gallon hats! [SpongeBob and Patrick put ten gallon water jugs on their heads] So, what do ya think? Are you gonna stay?

[Sandy starts to laugh and tears of laughter spew out and fill her helmet. Everyone frowns as they mistake Sandy's laughing for crying]

SpongeBob:
Don't cry anymore, Sandy, I'll go get your bags.

Sandy:
[takes out the flusher handle, attaches it to her helmet and flushes the water out again] I'm not cryin', I'm laughin'! I appreciate what y'all are tryin' to do, SpongeBob, but home isn't about barbecues or pecan pies, home is where you're surrounded by critters that care about ya. [Everyone gathers around Sandy]

Sandy:
Huh? Duh. What am I doin'? I was home all along, and it took me until now to realize it.

SpongeBob:
Does that mean you'll stay?

Sandy:
I'm stayin'! [everyone cheers, except Squidward]

SpongeBob:
That makes me feel all wiggly.

Patrick:
Yeah, who needs dumb ol' Texas? [cheering stops; cut back to the Bikini Atoll]

Sandy:
What did you just say?!

Patrick:
Should I start running now?

Sandy:
Patrick, you open this door. [Patrick is rolling SpongeBob away] Patrick, sometimes I just don't understand you. [SpongeBob sneezes] Hey! [walks over to Patrick's house] Okay, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?

Patrick:
Uhh, uhh, he's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.

Sandy:
Okay, now tell me, [shows two rocks] since when do you have two houses?

Patrick:
Since I ran out of space to put my stuff.

Sandy:
Uh-huh, yeah. Since when does your house have feet? [SpongeBob's feet are sticking out of the other rock]

Patrick:
This is my mobile home. [SpongeBob sneezes the rock off]

SpongeBob:
Hiya, Sandy.

Patrick:
[holding SpongeBob's hand] Hmmm, the dirt therapy seems to be working just fine.

Sandy:
Patrick, SpongeBob has to see a real doctor.

Patrick:
No, he doesn't! I'm taking good care of him! Show her, SpongeBob! Say 'ahh'.

SpongeBob:
Ahh... [exhales a green gas that kills all the plants, clams, and everything else in its path]

Sandy:
See? He's even worse than I thought.

Patrick:
[wearing a clothespin on his non-existing nose] What do you mean? He's fine. [Sandy snatches the clothespin off of his nose]

SpongeBob:
I'm okay, Sandy, really. [sneezes again, enlarging himself more]

Sandy:
I'm taking you to the doctor right now! [rolls SpongeBob away]

Patrick:
Hey, that's my patient! [runs over and pushes SpongeBob the opposite way] You can't take him to the doctor's!

Sandy:
[rolling SpongeBob the other way again] Don't be silly, Patrick!

Patrick:
[carrying SpongeBob the other way] He's mine! [Sandy is log rolling SpongeBob the opposite way]

Sandy:
SpongeBob, you'll be better soon. [Patrick is using a wheelbarrow for SpongeBob]

Patrick:
I'll save you! [Sandy is using SpongeBob as a basketball]

SpongeBob:
I'm better, guys! Really! [Sandy and Patrick both push him into each other, squeezing him until he launches into the air]

Sandy:
Now look what you've done, Patrick!

Patrick:
What I've done? Everything was fine until you showed up!

Sandy:
You should be arrested for impersonating a doctor!

Patrick:
Hey! I'm a good doctor! Right, SpongeBob? [SpongeBob comes down and rolls away]

SpongeBob:
Guys!

Sandy:
Huh?

Patrick:
SpongeBob?

SpongeBob:
I can't stop! [screams while he rolls down a hill] Help me! [Mr. Krabs is cleaning some dimes]

Mr. Krabs:
Shiny dimes.

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob? [runs out the front doors] Stop, SpongeBob! Stop...!

[SpongeBob stops just in time. Mr. Krabs sighs in relief until SpongeBob sneezes so hard that he releases a cloud of pink bubbles that fill the screen and destroy the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs glares at SpongeBob, who returns to his normal size.]

SpongeBob:
There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the window. For years I've been dreaming of this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look 'em straight in the eye [breaks the fourth wall and looks the audience in the eye], lay it on the line and I can't do this! [starts to run home, but Patrick stops him] Hey, Patrick--

Patrick:
Where do you think you're going?

SpongeBob:
I was just-

Patrick:
No, you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab and get! That! Job!

SpongeBob:
I can't! Don't you see!? I'm not good enough.

Patrick:
Whose first words were "May I take your order?"

SpongeBob:
Mine were.

Patrick:
Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in wood shop?

SpongeBob:
I did.

Patrick:
Who's a, uh, who's uh, oh... [grimaces and contorts twice while trying to come up with a good third line] Who's a big yellow cube with holes?!

SpongeBob:
I AM!

Patrick:
[jumps] Who's ready?

SpongeBob:
[also jumps] I'm ready!

Patrick:
[jumps the second time] Who's ready?

SpongeBob:
[jumps higher] I'm ready!

Patrick:
[jumps the third and final time] Who's ready?!

SpongeBob:
[jumps really high] I'M READY! [runs toward the Krusty Krab] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!

[Squidward is seen cleaning graffiti on the restaurant's windows. That octopus is spraying stain remover and attempting to wipe off the graffiti.]

Squidward:
[cleaning graffiti of himself with the word "loser," sees SpongeBob, and sighs] Oh no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want?

SpongeBob:
[in background, at first while Squidward was talking] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, self!

[Squidward looks at the Help Wanted sign, screams, and runs inside to warn Mr. Krabs.]

Squidward:
[while SpongeBob says, "I'm ready," one more time in the background] Mr. Krabs! [cuts to the ordering window, where Mr. Krabs is seen happily sniffing a handful of money. Squidward runs up to him] Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you about-- [interrupted by SpongeBob]

SpongeBob:
Permission to come aboard, captain! [in the Powerpuff Girls Narrator's voice] I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew [normal voice] and now I'm ready. [trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard. He bounces back and forth on the ground, and shouts and blurts incomprehensibly upon each hit. The restaurant manager, Mr. Krabs and Squidward look at each other. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling. SpongeBob yet again shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs.] So, uhh, when do I start?

Mr. Krabs:
Well, lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs, please! I'll prove I'm fry cook material! Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me!

[Mr. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob. Squidward looks at Mr. Krabs.]

Squidward:
[deep breath] ...No.

[Mr. Krabs winks. Squidward and Mr. Krabs head back to SpongeBob, who looks completely puzzled at what he's hearing.]

Mr. Krabs:
Well, lad, we'll give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me... a... [SpongeBob takes out a notepad] uh, hydrodynamic spatula... [SpongeBob quickly jots down what he says] with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, [more scribbling] and, uh... turbo drive. [more scribbling] And don't come back ‘til you get one. [puts a Krusty Krab crew hat on SpongeBob's head]

[SpongeBob sees how he looks in a mirror, there are sparkles on his hat, and he has a huge, satisfied smile.]

SpongeBob:
[saluting Krabs] Aye aye, captain! [reading] One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir! [salutes again]

Mr. Krabs:
Carry on! [SpongeBob leaves] We'll never see that lubber again.

Squidward:
[smiling] You're terrible. A hydro-what?

[Squidward and Mr. Krabs laugh. While Squidward laughs, his nose moves distinctly while he inhales and exhales. Mr. Krabs' laugh sounds like a pirate. As they laugh, SpongeBob is shown leaving the Krusty Krab.]

[SpongeBob is shown crawling into his pineapple.]

Gary:
Meow.

SpongeBob:
Not now, Gary.

Gary:
Meow.

SpongeBob:
I'm not in the mood, Gary.

Gary:
Meow. [the scene changes to SpongeBob's bedroom. Off-Screen] Meow.

SpongeBob:
[crawls into bed] Just leave me and me untied shoes alone, Gary. [Gary roars like a lion, knocking SpongeBob off the bed and onto the floor] Okay, Gary, you have my attention.

Gary:
Meow. [ties SpongeBob's shoes]

SpongeBob:
[gasps] Gary! Well, I'll be! You can tie shoes! [Gary shows himself wearing shoes that look like old-style bowling shoes, under his shell] Hoppin' clams! How did you learn to do that? [Gary's shell opens revealing a record. The song, Loop Dee Loop by Ween starts and SpongeBob starts dancing]

Ween:
♪Wanna learn how to tie your shoe? [the scene changes to show SpongeBob in a classroom wearing a teacher's outfit and on the chalkboard there are sketches of shoes]

It's a very easy thing to do. [Gary appears on a stool. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and taps the board with his pointer]

Just sit on down [Patrick appears in the desk next to SpongeBob] and I'll give you the scoop, [Patrick holds out an ice cream cone and SpongeBob gives him a tied shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe. Patrick looks surprised]

What's that? [the scene changes to show the words "Loop Dee Loop" in shoelaces and SpongeBob pulls on two of the aglets] It's called the loop-dee-loop.

[the scene changes to show SpongeBob's leg with an untied shoe] You gotta take a lace in each hand, [two SpongeBobs hold an aglet in one of each's hands goes up and past the screen. The scene changes again to show the SpongeBobs crossing each other's paths] You go over and under again.

[the SpongeBobs come back around under the cross path that they made. The go upward and past the screen. They come back and pass each other's path one more time] You make a loop-dee-loop and [the scene changes to show a small SpongeBob tying the lace of a big SpongeBob's shoe] pull. And your shoes are [the Big SpongeBob is shown wearing a top hat and giant shoes. He takes his hat off and kicks the newly tied shoe. It flies off] lookin' cool.

[the scene changes to show a SpongeBob multiplying into multiple SpongeBobs and follows the lyrics] You go over and back, left to right, Loop-dee-loop [the scene changes to show SpongeBob holding his laces while jumping] and you pull 'em tight, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob with a bunny toy] Like bunny ears [a present appears] or a Christmas bow, [the bunny toy becomes a bunny slipper and SpongeBob is seen wearing it and the present as shoes] Lace 'em up and you're ready to go.

[SpongeBob runs out of the scene. The scene changes to show SpongeBob jumping off of a tight rope wire swing thing. He stops and spins around and then falls] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob and Gary falling into a giant shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe] And your shoes are lookin' cool.

[SpongeBob pulls on the laces and wings appear on both sides of the shoe and the shoe plane takes off. The scene changes to show the plane passing giant tied shoe laces. The shoe plane hits a roller coaster track and the wings fall off and it becomes a roller coaster car] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the shoe falls off of the track and lands on the ground] And your shoes are lookin' cool.♪ [SpongeBob and Gary pop out of the shoe and the episode ends]

SpongeBob:
Isn't life great, Gary? Oh, what a beautiful day. I have the best friends...

[Cut to Squidward's house]

Squidward:
Ah, stay away! Oh, another SpongeBob nightmare.

SpongeBob:
The best job...

[At the Krusty Krab]

Mr. Krabs:
He's already 10 seconds late. I'm docking him a month's pay for this.

SpongeBob:
...And, of course, the bestest pet.

Gary:
Meow.

SpongeBob:
[squeezes Gary in a hug, which causes Gary's shell to break. SpongeBob runs out of his house] I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!!! [runs into Patrick]

Patrick:
Hi, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
Hey, Patrick! How goes it?

Patrick:
Well, it was going great until you showed up. [turns around and shows a cake splattered on his belly]

SpongeBob:
What's that?

Patrick:
Oh, just a birthday cake for my mom [in an angry tone and throws the ruined cake on the ground] that I spent all day baking! [angrily walks back inside] Idiot boy. [angrily closes the rock over him again]

SpongeBob:
[confused by his best friend's behavior towards him] Oh, that's the first time someone's called me that. Wait, I know who will enjoy my company. [goes to the door of Squidward's house; singing] Squidward!

Squidward:
[angrily gets in SpongeBob's face, annoyed] Don't you ever wake me from my beauty sleep! Do you understand?! Idiot boy! [violently shuts the door, causing SpongeBob to frown]

[The scene cuts to the Treedome, where Sandy has invented a new robot]

Sandy:
It's all done! My greatest invention yet!

[The robot starts to dance]

SpongBob:
Sandy! What a neat robot! [accidentally trips on a log. Some of the water from his helmet goes onto Sandy's robot]

Sandy:
No...! [her robot blows up]

SpongeBob:
Let me explain. You see...I was passing by the tree, and I thought it'd be funny if I gave you a surprise.

Sandy:
Oh, you gave me a surprise, alright. Look at the surprise I got! Get out of here, idiot boy! [angrily shuts her door]

SpongeBob:
[sniffles] I guess that means there's only one place left to go--a place where I am wanted wherever they like it or not! [at the Krusty Krab] SpongeBob WorkPants reporting for duty, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs:
Hurry up and get in there, boy! Patties need flipping.

SpongeBob:
No worries, captain! [trips on some frying pans] Oops, well, all in a day's work. Now, back to doing what I do best! No way I can mess this up... [slides on a puddle of water and starts screaming]

Mr. Krabs:
Mr. Dollar, allow me to introduce you to Mrs. Dollar. [hears SpongeBob's screaming] What the barnacles is going on?

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs! [slides and hits Mr. Krabs, who falls in the fryer and gets out immediately] Mr. Krabs, are you okay?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm fine...as long as me money's okay.

[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs notice both dollars in the fryer]

Mr. Dollar:
Although we've only known each other a short time, I want you to know...I love you. [both dollars disintegrate as they cry and they explode to nothingness. SpongeBob laughs nervously and Mr. Krabs angrily growls at him. Outside the Krusty Krab the double doors swing open. SpongeBob lands across the street and Mr. Krabs holds onto the double doors extremely enraged after kicking SpongeBob out]

Mr. Krabs:
If I were you, I'd get as far away from me as possible, IDIOT BOY!!! [after he angrily slams the restaurant's doors, he furiously turns away, as dramatic music cues in the background SpongeBob is shocked and alarmed]

SpongeBob:
[curls up into a little ball and his eyes well up with tears] I guess that's it, then. If Mr. Krabs is calling me "idiot boy," it must be true, I know what must be done! [starts crying, his tears creating a river that leads him to his house. At his house, he is still sad and he packs his clothes in a bindle] I somehow managed to make everyone mad at me. At least you still like me, right, Gare? [we see Gary chewing on a bandage on his back. He angrily hisses at him; sighs] I'll miss you too, buddy. There's a year's supply of snail food for you. [walks out of his house and turns around] Goodbye, pineapple. [the chimney blows him up in the sky] Goodbye, Squidward. Goodbye, Patrick. Goodbye, Sandy. Goodbye, Bikini Bottom. Goodbye, life as I know it. [he lands on the road next to the sign] Welcome to Bikini Bottom. Population 538. [crosses out the "8" with a chalk and puts a "7" next to it] Minus 1. [SpongeBob feels disappointed and he leaves Bikini Bottom down the road muttering the same words his friends said to him] Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy... [that night (SpongeBob's still disappointing), he's scared by a bunch of very weird people. In the deleted scene, a scallop is crowing while he sees the weird people. He runs for his life, but falls off the cliff upside down, causing him to hit his head on a bunch of rocks until he reaches the bottom of the cliff. Now he's got a long bump on his head] Oooh, boy, that's quite a lump! [his hobo stick, containing the things that he packed, hits him on the head, causing him to faint]

Squidward:
Tum-ta-dum! Today's the big day, Squidward! Don't wanna be late! [he flies into his closet, gets dressed, and goes outside] Gotta hurry! Hold it! Hold everything! [SpongeBob and Patrick stand outside, with bags] I would not want to miss this. The day SpongeBob moves! I can't believe it's really happening.

SpongeBob:
Don't worry, Squidward. I'll come visit you.

Squidward:
Don't try to cheer me up, SpongeBob. [changes his smile to a frown briefly] Please.

SpongeBob:
Here come my parents. [Patrick beings to cry and the car horn sounds as SpongeBob's parents drive up]

Mrs. SquarePants:
SpongeBob! Hi, honey, we're here!

Mr. SquarePants:
Come on, SpongeBob, hurry, hurry, son, your mother has dinner waiting.

SpongeBob:
Hi, Mom.

Squidward:
Hello, Mrs. SquarePants! Let me help you with these bags. [picks up the bags and carries them to the car]

SpongeBob:
Just give me a minute. [As Patrick continues to cry in the background, SpongeBob walks back to where his house used to be.] I cannot hold onto you any longer, little pebble. [buries it into the ground in the middle of where his house used to be] You hold too many memories. [as he starts to cry, a tear falls from his nose and into the ground where the seed absorbs it, it then starts to glow. Then SpongeBob shakes Squidward's hand] Well, Squidward, this is goodbye. [walks away]

Squidward:
Goodbye, SpongeBob, goodbye. [dances and celebrates] Goodbye, SpongeBob. Bye-bye-bye. Goodbye, SpongeBob. Ha-ha. Goodbye, goodbye. [Patrick lies on the ground, bawling, as SpongeBob gets in the car]

Mrs. SquarePants:
Come on, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
Goodbye, Patrick. Goodbye, Bikini Bottom.

[Patrick holds onto the back of the boat, lifting the front into the air, as he cries, begging for SpongeBob to stay.]

Squidward:
[still dancing and celebrating] SpongeBob is leaving. He's leaving, he's leaving! [the seed shakes violently] La, la, la, la, la, la, la ha ha ha ha! [the seed shakes even more violently] He leaving, ha ha! [seed still shakes, then it sprouts three roots] SpongeBob is leaving, he's leaving!

[Suddenly, the ground starts shaking. Squidward stops dancing, while SpongeBob, his parents and Patrick stare, bemused. A giant green stem grows out of the ground, SpongeBob's house grows from the plant and drops where his old house used to be and on Squidward. The stem then goes back into the ground]

SpongeBob:
My house is back! [SpongeBob, his parents, and Patrick all happily run into the pineapple] Aww! Good old pineapple! It was exactly where it used to be! [continues praising all of the returned belongings he possessed in his original house. SpongeBob returns to Squidward buried under the floor] Aww, Squidward, isn't this great? I'm back forever!

Squidward:
[muffled] Forever?

[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads.]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Whew! [SpongeBob drops his spatula]

SpongeBob:
[laughs] Dropped my spatula. [bends down to pick it up]

Patrick:
Uhh, me too. [drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up]

[SpongeBob and Patrick bend back up and SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds]

Patrick:
Owwww!

SpongeBob:
Aha! [shows the fake hand] You're copying me!

Patrick:
Yes.

SpongeBob:
Why are you doing that?

Patrick:
So I can win an award like you.

SpongeBob:
Well, it's annoying, so stop it!

Patrick:
Stop it. [both imitate the others facial expressions]

SpongeBob:
Say, you're good.

Patrick:
Thanks.

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Ha! Darn. [both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to "Mary had a Little Lamb"] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as... PICKLE FISH LIPS!!!!! [both cover their mouths] Seaweavel. [both cover their mouths again] Yorgyshmorgies. [both cover their mouths yet again]

SpongeBob:
[in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind.

Patrick:
[in his head; as SpongeBob realizes that he wasn't safe in his mind] At least I'm safe inside my mind.

[SpongeBob and Patrick then scream in panic and run out of the Krusty Krab.]

SpongeBob:
Stop copying me!

Patrick:
There's no award for that!

Squidward:
[leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him] Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. [puts his hat back on and walks back in]

SpongeBob:
[he and Patrick are still running] Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?

Patrick:
Until I have as many awards as you.

SpongeBob:
We'll see about that!

Patrick:
No, we won't.

SpongeBob:
[takes out a jump-rope] I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.

Patrick:
Me too. [takes out a jump-rope]

SpongeBob:
Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. [crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope] Ha! Not a scratch on me. [his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]

Patrick:
Oh, no, you don't! [squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]

SpongeBob:
Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?

Patrick:
Are you kidding? I used to do this [SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice] way before I started copying you. [Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...] Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. [...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head] My turn! [runs into the pineapple rock as SpongeBob quickly runs into his real house]

SpongeBob:
He was a good little Krabby Patty. [sniffs] I didn't know him well, but in the few short seconds between grill and floor, I- [opens the trash lid and begins crying] -I came to love him! [the patty slowly slides off his spatula and into the trash bin] It just isn't fair! [he cries even louder, soaking and enraging Squidward from the counter window]

Squidward:
SpongeBob, will you stop crying?!

SpongeBob:
But the Krabby Patty fell on the floor and then he...

Squidward:
Krabby Patty nothing!

SpongeBob:
I-

Squidward:
[shouting] KRABBY PATTY NOTHING! [breathes heavily. SpongeBob whimpers] What now?

SpongeBob:
[stifled] You yelled at me... [wailing] YOU YELLED AT ME! [continues sobbing]

Squidward:
All right, look. So far today, and it's not even 2:00 yet, you have cried 43 times.

SpongeBob:
And you wrote that number on a chalkboard.

Squidward:
Yes!

SpongeBob:
Why?

Squidward:
[pauses for a second] I have no idea.

SpongeBob:
Oh, Squidward, there's no way I cry that much. There's not that many tears in my brain.

Squidward:
Au contraire. [turns on a TV]

SpongeBob:
What's this?

Squidward:
It's a quick montage of flashbacks I've edited together that shows the hundreds of tears you have cried over the years.

[the video begins to play, showing SpongeBob crying in the Krusty Krab, in a grocery store, at Mrs. Puff's Boating School, in Jellyfish Fields, in the bathroom, and more like near a bus stop for no reason]

SpongeBob:
[in the video] Boo! Hoo! Boohoo! Sob. Whimper.

Narrator:
Thousands of tears later...

[SpongeBob continues to watch himself crying in the video]

SpongeBob:
Wow, guess I do cry a lot. I promise I won't cry anymore.

Squidward:
Oh, nonsense! I bet you can't go the rest of the day without crying.

SpongeBob:
[realizes something] Excuse me a minute. [he walks up to a rotary telephone and dials it, Patrick appears lazily sitting on his couch when his own phone rings]

Patrick:
[answers it] Star... residence. Patrick speaking.

SpongeBob:
Hey, Patrick.

Patrick:
Hey, buddy! Is it 7:30 already?

SpongeBob:
No, I'm still at work.

Patrick:
How can I help you?

SpongeBob:
Do you think that I could go the rest of the day without crying?

Patrick:
[mouth full with popcorn] Well, of course you can.

SpongeBob:
Okay, great, thanks, Patrick.

Patrick:
Umm... sure. And did you remember to put that package outside where I told you?

SpongeBob:
Yeah, but I left it in a different spot. Just ask Gary, he knows where it is.

Patrick:
Oh, yeah. [laughs with his mouth full] Hey, good one, buddy. You almost had me there.

SpongeBob:
[chuckles] Okay.

Patrick:
Yeah, talk to you later.

SpongeBob:
All right, see ya. [hangs up, then walks back up to Squidward] Okay, it's a bet.

Squidward:
[shakes SpongeBob's hand] Fine. If you cry one tear before midnight, you have to... [thinks] Wash my bike, clean out my rain gutters, and do all my yard work for a year.

SpongeBob:
Sounds fair to me. And if I make it to midnight without crying, you'll come to a slumber party at my place. Just you and me. [Squidward retches and swallows] Ooh, what's the matter?

Squidward:
Um, nothing, I just threw up a little in my mouth. [begins talking in his thoughts] No need to worry, Squiddy. You've outdone yourself. He'll be crying in ten minutes.

[SpongeBob and Squidward are trying to drag along some big items. SpongeBob is dragging an anchor and Squidward is dragging a flaming boat.]

Squidward:
SpongeBob? Truce? [both wave a white flag]

SpongeBob:
Truce.

Squidward:
SpongeBob, I can't take it anymore. If we keep this up, neither of us will win the award!

SpongeBob:
You're right. We should save our energy for work where we really need it. [it’s now dawn]

Squidward:
Okay, let's have a good clean fight.

SpongeBob:
And may the better man win.

[They shake hands smiling]

SpongeBob:
[thinking] He's nothing but a lying, boneless, ink-squirting, big-nosed phony.

Squidward:
[thinking] Look at that bucktooth, corn-fed smile, you can't trust him as far as you can throw him.

SpongeBob:
[thinking] As soon as he stops shaking my hand...

Squidward:
[thinking] ...I'm gonna make a run for it.

[SpongeBob and Squidward stop shaking hands, laugh nervously, and hastily run for the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is opening it up.]

Mr. Krabs:
Money, money, gonna make some money! [sees SpongeBob and Squidward come running over] Ah, it warms me wallet to see me employees coming in so early. Boys, you're early! [Mr. Krabs realizes that they aren't stopping for anything] Wait! [both push Mr. Krabs out of the way and start doing nice stuff]

SpongeBob:
Look, Mr. Krabs! Clean floors!

Squidward:
Clean tables, Mr. Krabs! [presses too hard on the table while he is cleaning and breaks it in half]

SpongeBob:
Clean dishes, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
What's going on here?! [SpongeBob drops and breaks the dishes and mops them just like that]

SpongeBob:
It's much more efficient to clean dishes this way, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
No!

Squidward:
Flowers and chocolate for you, Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob:
Look, I'm putting my own money in the register, Mr. Krabs! [SpongeBob puts his money into the register. Squidward and SpongeBob are in the kitchen] Two spatulas to increase productivity, Mr. Krabs! Faster, SpongeBob, faster!

Squidward:
There's nothing to this patty flipping, Mr. Krabs! I'll easily double your output, SpongeHog!

Mr. Krabs:
Boys, boys, boys! [music gradually speeds up; both SpongeBob and Squidward make many patties to overflow the kitchen, cornering Mr. Krabs] Help! Help! [the amount of Krabby Patties fills up the kitchen and the Krusty Krab itself, causing the whole restaurant to explode, sending thousands of patties raining down in front of the citizens]

Dave:
Hey, free Krabby Patties!

Mr. Krabs:
[with his head bursting through one of SpongeBob's employee pictures] Wait, you've got to pay for those! Wait! Wait! Wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! [SpongeBob and Squidward come through the picture frame that Mr. Krabs is in and ask him who is the winner, while Mr. Krabs is still complaining about the Krabby Patties]

SpongeBob:
So, who's the winner of Employee of the Month?

Squidward:
Me, me! It's me! [SpongeBob and Squidward continue calling out simultaneously about who is the winner]

Mr. Krabs:
Boys! Wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! Boys, wait! [the three continue to argue as the episode fades to black]

Patrick:
That video will show me stealing SpongeBob's donut..! Oh, oh, oh, eee, eee! I gotta hide this thing. [tries hiding it under a picture of him and SpongeBob but it slips out. Patrick gasps and took it, Patrick tries to hide the donut in the lamp but the light on the ceiling shows the donut's reflection. Patrick takes it out, SpongeBob leaves his house and heads towards Patrick's, Patrick runs around it before putting it under the rug] Whew... [falls backwards onto a chair] Oh... [imagines SpongeBob walking in and stepping on the donut]

SpongeBob:
Hey, Patrick, I- [squish. He looks down and gasps] Donut! You monster...! You monster!

[Patrick gasps and screams, gets up and takes the donut and puts it in the toaster, but then imagines SpongeBob again]

SpongeBob:
Nothing goes with a video like toast! Let's pop some toast in the toaster and watch this bad boy!

Patrick:
[screams and takes it out of the toaster] Ow, hot, hot, hot, ow! [throws it in the toilet, then imagines SpongeBob again]

SpongeBob:
Get out of the way, Patrick, I gotta go!

Patrick:
[worries in fear and takes it out of the toilet] The attic! [cut to SpongeBob as he walked closer to Patrick's house, Patrick runs up imaginary steps, panting] Wait... I don't have an attic! [notices he's in mid-air, and then falls into his hole while he's screaming; Patrick lands on the floor and gets up] Oh... Ooh! I know! The attic. [goes up the imaginary steps again, falls and screams again; Patrick lands and gets up again]

SpongeBob:
Hey, Patrick!

Patrick:
Ah! [hides the donut] H-hey, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
Are you ready to-

Patrick:
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BEHIND MY BACK, SO DON'T LOOK THERE! [looks both ways; the donut is in the back of his pants]

SpongeBob:
Okay... No problem. Ready to see this? [takes out the tape, Patrick's eyes shrink in horror] The official testament of how heartily we party... hardly? [puts the tape in the VCR and pushes play, but Patrick stops him]

Patrick:
NO! [sobs] I took it, SpongeBob! I took your donut! I'm sorry!

SpongeBob:
[looks confused then smiles] Oh, Patrick! You really need to see this video.

[He plays the video of the party from last night.]

Video SpongeBob:
I wanna give you this, because you're my buddy and... A donut this nice could really make a guy happy.

Patrick:
You mean... This is mine?!

SpongeBob:
Of course! It was your birthday.

Patrick:
When?

SpongeBob:
Last night, silly!

Patrick:
Oh... Thanks, buddy! Hey, Wanna share it?

SpongeBob:
Sure, pal!

[The two each eat one half of the donut; SpongeBob stops and shudders because of how disgusting it is]

Patrick:
Yeah, pretty good, huh?

[SpongeBob shudders again; episode ends]

SpongeBob:
Hey, Mr. Krabs. What's the good word?

Mr. Krabs:
Well, actually, SpongeBob, uh, there's two words. And they're not very good: You're fired.

SpongeBob:
[chuckles] Oh, Mr.- [realizes what he said] WHAT?!

Squidward:
Fired?!

Mr. Krabs:
Well, you see, I've been doing some calculating and, you know, crunching the old numbers. And it turns out that I'll save a whole nickel if I cut your salary. Completely.

SpongeBob:
Bu-bu-bu-but how about if I work for free?

Mr. Krabs:
Yeah, I looked into that. Apparently, it's "illegal." And I'll lose my "vendor's license." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Customer:
Uh, excuse me. Is that mine?

SpongeBob:
I don't know. Maybe. [Drops the plate and sniffs] Take it.

Mr. Krabs:
You know, I love you like a son. But you can't argue with a nickel.

SpongeBob:
But--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but...

Squidward:
Hey, what about me? Can I get fired too?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm afraid not, Squidward. You've got seniority.

Squidward:
Oh, yeah.

Mr. Krabs:
No. It's gonna be you, Son. [Give Spongebob a can] You're canned. Here's your pink slip, and I'm givin' ou an ax. [SpongeBob holds the ax but it splits him to half and turn him back to normal] You're fired!

SpongeBob:
[gasps and bursts into tears] No! Not that! Anything but that! [starts crying]

Mr. Krabs:
So, uh, if you could just hand over your spatula. Um...I'll just take that. [grunts as he tries to take spatula out of SpongeBob's hand]

SpongeBob:
[stops crying] Here. I'll get that for you. [takes his arm off and resumes crying]

Mr. Krabs:
I'll also need the hat. Allow me. [tries to take off SpongeBob's hat but it's connected. He succeeds with heavy resistence] Go ahead; take a moment to collect yourself. Long as you need. [walks away]

[SpongeBob's tears start to flood the Krusty Krab. Squidward's register boat floats away]

Old Man Walker:
[swims by sitting on a barrel] I'm not a very strong swimmer.

Squidward:
[comes over with a cranking hole maker and makes a hole in the floor and the tears drain through the hole. Walks away and comes back with a box carrier. He picks up SpongeBob with it] Okay, that's enough. It's closing time. [moves SpongeBob out of the Krusty Krab] You know, it just won't be the same around here without you. You'll have to visit sometime...[pushes SpongeBob off the box carrier and backs up through the Krusty Krab doors with it and Spongebob's cry stops] as a customer. [SpongeBob realizes that Squidward said and resumes crying. Squidward talks to him from the front door' '] Buh-bye now. Sayonara. Good riddance. [he closes the door and walks past a window] Man, it's going to be sweet without that pest around! [he stops as he sees SpongeBob looking through the window while whimpering and Squidward lowers a "Krabby Patty" ad to hide him] This day couldn't get any better. [turns around and see Mr. Krabs] Well, Eugene, let me commend you on a terrific business decision. But now that SpongeBob's gone, who will be running the grill?

Mr. Krabs:
Squidward, I'll have you know, [puts SpongeBob's hat on the top of his eye stalks] I was 5 times "golden spatula" in the navy, [holds up the spatula, still attached to SpongeBob's hand] so I'll be running the grill. [it catches on fire] Ooh!

Squidward:
I can smell the grease fires already.

SpongeBob:
Oh, I didn't have to be a fool to get Sandy's attention. Am I the biggest loser on the beach?! [Loser 1 walks up to SpongeBob, shining red]

Loser 1:
No, I am. I forgot to put on sunscreen. [places a fin on herself, and it leaves a sounding mark, which vanishes]

SpongeBob:
Ouch. [a fish walks up to the two]

Loser 2:
No, I am. I got sand in my buns. [shows them two sandy hamburger buns. There is a rumbling coming from the sand and a whale pops his head out of the sand]

Loser 3:
No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me.

All:
What happened to you?

SpongeBob:
I lost my best friend.

All:
How? [SpongeBob grabs a sand guitar and sings he is front of the sand castle and a sand telephone he built earlier]

SpongeBob:
When I ripped... [his underwear starts ripping] my pants. [starts to sing] I thought that I had everybody by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won't even spare a passing glance, [The curtain comes down and a spotlight shines on SpongeBob] all just because I [rips his underwear again] ripped my pants. [the other three "losers of the beach" assemble on a sand stage with sand instruments and sing]

All:
♪When big Larry came round just to put him down, SpongeBob turned into a clown, and no girl ever wants to dance with a fool who went and [Loser 1 turns around and suddenly, her bottom then rips, splitting open, revealing her white underwear] ripped his pants!♪

SpongeBob:
[singing voice, a crowd begins to gather] ♪I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse, but the pain feels so much worse. 'Cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun than a burn from the sun...♪

All:
♪Or sand in your buns!♪ [instrumental break. The loser scrapes the two buns together to make a rhythm then the curtain shows waves crashing about: drum, clarinets, and bass drum]

SpongeBob:
♪I learned a lesson I won't soon forget... so listen and you won't regret. Be true to yourself; don't miss your chance... and you won't end up like the fool... who... ripped... his... pants!♪ [the whole group comes together one by one in sync with the music and they rip their pants. By now, a huge crowd has gathered and is cheering the group onstage. A blimp flies by with SpongeBob's name on it. It's revealed that SpongeBob and his band were having a concert]

Sandy:
SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
Sandy! [she gets onstage and hugs SpongeBob. He returns the embrace]

Sandy:
Your song is true. If y'all want to be my friend, just be yourself. [Larry walks up]

Larry:
[impressed with SpongeBob's singing during the big concert] SpongeBob, that was so righteous. [hands SpongeBob a pencil] Would you... sign my pants?

SpongeBob:
Absolutely, buddy.

[SpongeBob bends down to sign Larry's pants. His underwear then rips off completely, leaving SpongeBob "au naturel." Someone off-screen whistles. SpongeBob covers his crotch, grins, and blushes sheepishly, ending the episode.]

[Cut to the morning where Mr. Krabs walks to work crying, and SpongeBob walks in laughing.]

SpongeBob:
Takin' him to the cleaners! That's a hot one! [Mr. Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors] How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
I lost.

SpongeBob:
Barnacles, Mr. Krabs! How much money did ya lose?

Mr. Krabs:
I didn't lose any money. [sheds away a tear] I lost...

SpongeBob:
Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!

Mr. Krabs:
I lost... [SpongeBob grabs him]

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn't lose the... Krabby Patty secret formula!

Mr. Krabs:
I... lost... [points to SpongeBob] YOU!

SpongeBob:
What?

Mr. Krabs:
I bet your contract, and I lost.

SpongeBob:
[stares blankly, then laughs] Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I gotta go make those Krabby Patties. [begins to walk to the door, but Mr. Krabs' claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor]

Mr. Krabs:
I'm afraid... you don't work here anymore.

Squidward:
[runs out the door to the two] Please tell me this isn't a joke.

SpongeBob:
Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke.

Plankton:
[walks over] As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. [points at SpongeBob] You work for me now, SpongeBob. [whips out a bucket with the initials "CB" on it] Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. [jumps onto SpongeBob's head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat and puts the bucket on his head. SpongeBob screams and runs to Mr. Krabs while knocking Plankton and the bucket off his head]

SpongeBob:
But Mr. Krabs, I don't wanna work for him! [tugs at Krabs' shirt collar] I wanna work for you, here at the Krusty Krab! [he and Krabs start crying loudly and hug]

Mr. Krabs:
I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!

Plankton:
[pretending to sound genuinely sad] What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? [whips out a crowbar] I would! [jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry SpongeBob off Krabs. SpongeBob goes flying with Mr. Krabs' arms still clung to him]

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs! [slams into a cage and Krabs' arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door]

Plankton:
This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I've been throwin' those card games just waitin' for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty formula, but I've got the next best thing: the guy who makes 'em! [a propeller emerges from the cage] I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs! [the propeller spins and pilots SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket]

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob! [cries and then stops] Can I have my arms back? [Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs' head.]

SpongeBob:
[taking down notes] Normal. [he then goes in the robot warehouse. He is counting the robots] 2,692... [he is wearing a hat. He types the something down on a gadget. The gadget takes out some paper with the words on it] 2,693... [types something again and the gadget takes out more paper] 2,694... [types something again but he types to much causing the gadget to take out lots of paper. He starts laughing. Suddenly, the gadget goes on fire and so does the paper then it disintegrates. SpongeBob leaves. Scene cuts to him wearing a dress while dusting Sandy's artifacts] Sandy said this collection of rare fragile artifacts needs to be gently cleaned twice daily. There we go. Not a speck of dust anywhere. Wait a minute. [turns a skull head around and spots a dot on it] Aha! [takes a feather off the duster and dusts the dot off] There... we go. [scene cuts to SpongeBob checking the worm incubator] Worm incubator. Well, looks like everything's fine here. [there is a squishing sound] What the...? [a worm starts to hatch] Ohhh! Sandy said these wouldn't hatch for... [checks the list] ...weeks! What is going on?! [Patrick's head pops up] Oh! Patrick? [Patrick pops out of the hole wearing his helmet]

Patrick:
SpongeBob! There you are!

SpongeBob:
Oh, what a relief. I thought you were a horrible mutant worm who was about to soak me with digestive juices and slowly consume me over a period of weeks.

Patrick:
Nah, no thanks. I had a late breakfast.

SpongeBob:
Why are you wearing that funny thing on your head?

Patrick:
Well, because we can't breathe in Sandy's treedome, remember? It's filled with air.

SpongeBob:
Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me. I almost for... [dries up and starts gasping for water] P-P-P-Patrick! Help me! I-I can't b-b-b-breathe! [Patrick puts a water helmet on SpongeBob's head]

Patrick:
There you go. [SpongeBob inhales and exhales]

SpongeBob:
Thanks, Patrick. You're a lifesaver. Now that I haven't suffocated, it's high time I got back to this list of house-sitting duties. So without further ado, Patrick, [opens the door] I'd like you to please immediately exit the treedome.

Patrick:
E-Exit the... Exit the treedome?!

SpongeBob:
That's right. Exit the tree...

Patrick:
Oh, SpongeBob, that's a great idea! Where should we go—Jellyfish Fields, Goo Lagoon, Barg'N-Mart, Lucky Larry's?

SpongeBob:
Well, Lucky Larry's sounds fun.

Patrick:
All right, let's go!

SpongeBob:
Hold it! I promised Sandy I'd take extra-special care of her treedome while she's at the Inventor's Convention today. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Patrick, this is a major responsibility.

Patrick:
Well, in that case, I'd better stay and help you.

SpongeBob:
Nnnnope.

Patrick:
Pleeease?

SpongeBob:
Not gonna happen.

Patrick:
Pretty please?

SpongeBob:
No way.

Patrick:
Pretty please with a scoop of vanilla ice cream?

SpongeBob:
[scoffs] Yeah, right.

Patrick:
Pretty please with a scoop of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate ice cream, smothered in gooberberry sauce and topped with half a can of whipped topping?

SpongeBob:
Patrick, what do you take me for?

Patrick:
And a scoop of nuts!

SpongeBob:
Deal.

Patrick:
[jumps with joy] Hooray!

SpongeBob:
But you have to promise not to touch anything.

Patrick:
[raises his left hand] I, Patrick Star, hereby promise not to touch anything.

[at the beginning of SpongeBob's 38th boating test]

Mrs. Puff:
First we must--

SpongeBob:
First I must pass the oral exam! I am confident in my abilities to successfully succeed.

Mrs. Puff:
I know. Okay. Number one, what is the front of the boat?

SpongeBob:
The bow.

Mrs. Puff:
What is the back?

SpongeBob:
Stern!

Mrs. Puff:
Number three. Right is--

SpongeBob:
Starboard! [answering the remaining questions] Port, skipper, deck, cabin, gally, keel, 1924!

Mrs. Puff:
You've passed the oral test. What a surprise. Now, it's time to once again take the driving portion of the exam. Okay, SpongeBob...get in the boat.

SpongeBob:
Oh, wha...in this boat? Right here? [looks at watch nervously] Is it time already?

Mrs. Puff:
Get in the boat, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
Oh, yeah, absolutely. [gets into boat and closes eyes with a smile, confidently]

Mrs. Puff:
All you have to do is get on the track. [SpongeBob's eyes spring open in awe as he looks down the track which becomes longer and longer in delusion] Okay, SpongeBob. What's the first thing you do?

SpongeBob:
1924?

Mrs. Puff:
No...no. First thing is to...start the boat. [Mrs. Puff turns it on as SpongeBob begins to shake and scream hysterically] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Relax! It's only the boat.

SpongeBob:
[stops] The boat?

Mrs. Puff:
Okay, now, what do you do next?

SpongeBob:
Floor it?

Mrs. Puff:
Yes-- no! No! Don't floor it!

SpongeBob:
Floor it?!

Mrs. Puff:
No, no, don't, don't floor it!

SpongeBob:
Okay, floor it! [kicks down on the gas pedal as the boat begins to go in reverse at high speeds, Mrs. Puff and SpongeBob screaming, "no, no, no!" and "floor it!" respectively. The boat crashes into a lighthouse, breaking off the upper half of it. Mrs. Puff puffs up]

Mrs. Puff:
[deep voice] Oh, SpongeBob...WHYYYYYY?????!!!!!

Off-Screen Fish:
My leg!

[Mr. Krabs knocks on the front door to SpongeBob's house.]

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob! SpongeBob? SpongeBob? Are you okay in there? You catch the flu or something? Ugh. Are you at death's door? Because you know darn well they ain't valid excuses to miss work! [peeks through the window and finds to his shocking surprise that SpongeBob is slithering on the floor with his tongue like a snail; SpongeBob eats some food from Gary's food bowl] Ah! SpongeBob has gone full raving loony. [hears something] Uh-oh! [hides underground as Gary appears]

Gary:
♪Meow—meow—meow—meow—meow—meow—meow. Meow—meow—meow—meow—meow—meow.♪ [enters the house]

[Mr. Krabs peeks through the window again. He sees SpongeBob rubbing his head against the chair while Gary's reading the paper. Gary pets SpongeBob and holds out a snail toy for him to play. SpongeBob plays the toy with his eye. Mr. Krabs gasps and drills himself inside through the floor.]

Gary:
Meow?

Mr. Krabs:
What in the name of Neptune's nostrils is going on in here?! SpongeBob, you're acting like you're the pet and that darn snail is the owner!

Gary:
[hits Mr. Krabs with the toy] Meow! Meow—meow—meow.

Mr. Krabs:
[grabs the toy] Bad snail! Down boy! [gets attacked by SpongeBob] SpongeBob, what are you— [gets licked and pummeled by SpongeBob until he pushes him off and shakes him violently] Oh, snap out of it, SpongeBob!

[SpongeBob doesn't respond. Mr. Krabs pulls out a Krabby Patty, breaks it in half and puts it under SpongeBob's nose. SpongeBob smells the patty's scent and shakes himself back to normal, snapping himself out of the strange trance.]

SpongeBob:
[dazed] Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
Have you completely lost your mind, boy-o? Snails ain't supposed to have arms and legs.

SpongeBob:
Aww, but Gary is so happy with his new limbs.

[Gary files his new arms.]

Mr. Krabs:
Oh, is he? Well, it's time to cut this nonsense! [growls and goes to fight Gary] Ay! [growls at Gary viciously] Huh-hah! [leaps over to Gary and cuts the arms and legs, returning Gary back to his normal self]

Gary:
[sniffs the severed limbs] Meow. [slithers over to his food bowl, removes SpongeBob's name and goes to eat his food]

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this instant!

Squidward:
Shut up! (slaps Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs:
Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?

Squidward:
I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! (slaps him again)

SpongeBob:
I can't take it! (runs off, crying)

Squidward:
SpongeBob, are you okay?

SpongeBob:
Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!

Squidward:
No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. (Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair)

SpongeBob:
Oh, yeah.

Squidward:
And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.

SpongeBob:
Right. (slaps Mr. Krabs)

Squidward:
SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.

SpongeBob:
Oh yeah. What color is my underwear? (slaps him again)

Squidward:
SpongeBob, let me handle this. (turns a light on Mr. Krabs) Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. (Squid slaps him again)

Squidward:
We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob:
Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm Mr. Krabs.

Squidward:
Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!

SpongeBob:
This is one stubborn robot.

Mr. Krabs:
(yells) WHAT?! (his yelling knocks over the light) YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!

Squidward:
We don't think; we know.

Mr. Krabs:
That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I AM MR. KRABS!!!

Squidward:
(to SpongeBob) He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.

SpongeBob:
I got an idea. Keep an eye on him, Squidward. Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks. (walks off and then comes back with a blender) If Robot Krabs won't tell us where Mr. Krabs is, maybe one of his little robot friends will.

Squidward:
Uh, SpongeBob. That's a blender.

SpongeBob:
Yeah, but I saw Mr. Krabs talking to his radio before. He called it his "little buddy".

Squidward:
Oh, really? But it on the table, SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs:
You're gonna interrogate me blender. You're crazy.

Squidward:
We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. (holds up a bat)

Mr. Krabs:
No, wait! What are you gonna do with me blender?! That cost me money!

Squidward:
Where's Mr. Krabs? (pause for a few seconds) Not talkin', eh? (smashes the blender0

Mr. Krabs:
NO!!! That cost me $24.95!

SpongeBob:
I guess it didn't know anything.

Squidward:
Go get the toaster.

(SpongeBob pulls out the toaster)

Mr. Krabs:
No, not me toaster! That cost me $32.50! (Squidward smashes the toaster; SpongeBob pulls out a food processor) $62.67! (Squidward smashes the food processor; SpongeBob pulls out a coffee maker) $4... well, actually, that one was a gift. (Squidward smashes the coffee maker) NOOOO!!!

SpongeBob:
[opens the door] Out into the cold, grown-up world alone without a sweater.

Grandma:
Toodleloo.

SpongeBob:
I don't know when I'll be back.

Grandma:
I know how busy you are.

SpongeBob:
So, uh... that's it. [Patrick is sleeping]

Grandma:
Shh, he's asleep.

SpongeBob:
Soooo loooong... [SpongeBob slowly closes the door of grandma's house, but then slams it with a sad look on his face. He starts throwing a tantrum.] I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! I want cookies! [holds a big cookie and snaps it in half in front of his face] And milky! [holds a giant milk bottle, then comes up with a sweater] I want a sweater with love in the stitches! I wanna wear diapers! [comes up with a diaper on and puts some baby powder into it] I wanna ride in my wagon! [rides in a wagon, then holds a big teddy bear] I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins! I wanna rockey-rock my seahorsey! [rocks on his wooden seahorse with a hat and a lollipop] And I want a kissy on my boo-boo! [shows his bruised finger]

[SpongeBob starts crying hysterically. He lies on the floor and cries while slamming his fists against the ground and then rolls like a wheel. Grandma looks at him sadly. SpongeBob then sits on the floor as his eyes pour tears into his mouth. Grandma thinks for a second. SpongeBob then starts crying like a sprinkler, flooding the entire house.]

Grandma:
Take it easy, SpongeBob! [picks up SpongeBob, who is still crying] SpongeBob? SpongeBob! [she holds SpongeBob's mouth, stopping him from crying] SpongeBob, you don't have to be a baby to get all of Grandma's love.

SpongeBob:
[sniff] I don't?

Grandma:
Of course not. [pushes a cork in the floor and all SpongeBob's tears drain out] No matter how big you get, you will always be my little baby boo, and remember, you can kiss your grandma and still be an adult. [hands SpongeBob his sideburns and a chocolate chip cookie] Here you go. [SpongeBob puts on his sideburns and eats the cookie]

SpongeBob:
Thanks, Grandma. [bites the cookie] Uh, Grandma, could you not mention this to the guys down at the Krusty Krab?

Grandma:
No problem. [hugs SpongeBob. Outside, Squidward and everyone else are laughing as the episode ends]

[The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick are walking in somewhere of Bikini Bottom. Patrick smiles]

SpongeBob:
Patrick! Don't even smile. That's considered making a face.

Patrick:
Right, gotcha. [Patrick stop smiling] No problem. Not gonna make faces. No faces... at all.

SpongeBob:
Yeah. This is... [gulps] easy. How you holding up?

Patrick:
Huh, fine. You? [SpongeBob grunts, but makes an T-shaped face and laughs, Patrick fails to keep a straight face and makes an ugly face] Dun ah eeh. [both SpongeBob and him are laughing, SpongeBob suddenly stops and looks at his himself]

SpongeBob:
Hey! [Patrick is still ignoring him while laughing] Patrick. [Patrick is still laughing. SpongeBob pulls out a megaphone and yells at him] Patrick!

Patrick:
What?

SpongeBob:
Look at us. We're okay. Our faces didn't freeze.

Patrick:
[stretching through his eyes for a few times] Gosh, you're right.

SpongeBob:
Guess, Mr. Krabs made a mistake. Well, now that we know his tall tale isn't true, let's make lots of faces.

Patrick:
You mean like this? [stretching] Ree eeh eeh!

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both, SpongeBob growls]

Patrick:
[laughs] Aye yi yi yi!

SpongeBob:
[laughs] Aw!

[montage of SpongeBob and Patrick making grotesque faces]

Patrick:
Phee!

SpongeBob:
Ay yi yi yi yi yi!

Patrick:
Dun ree ah yee!

SpongeBob:
Doy doy doy doy!

Patrick:
Ah ah ooh!

SpongeBob:
Duh!

Patrick:
Aydh!

SpongeBob:
Awoot duh doo!

Patrick:
Looo ooo ooo!

SpongeBob:
Dah yah dah da dah! [he and Patrick both laugh]

Mrs. Puff:
SpongeBob, I've had enough of your nonsense. Now collect your things and move to the available desk in the back of the room!

SpongeBob:
But... me? But why?

Mrs. Puff:
Because the Big Fat Meanie said so. Now go!

SpongeBob:
[mad] Thanks a lot, Patrick.

Patrick:
Sure thing, buddy. [SpongeBob walks to the back. His classmates are staring at him]

SpongeBob:
Well, I guess I can be a good noodle from back here. [Mrs. Puff's voice is receding as SpongeBob tries to listen from the back] It's so hard to hear! What kind of student sits back here anyway?! [reads the writing on the desk] 'Skool is 4 Chumps'? [shivers] Where am I?!

SpongeBob:
Just ignore him, SpongeBob.

Patrick:
SpongeBob, over here!

SpongeBob:
Whatever you do, don't look at him.

Patrick:
Psst, SpongeBob! [throws ball of paper] Psst, SpongeBob! [throws a book at SpongeBob] SpongeBob! [spits a bunch of spitballs on SpongeBob's face] SpongeBob! Psst, over here. I'm trying to tell you something. Something important!

SpongeBob:
[covered in spitballs] What?

Patrick:
[timidly] Hi.

SpongeBob:
...HIIIIIIIIII?!?! [growls, removing all the spitballs, then stops when he sees Mrs. Puff angry, covered in the spitballs]

Mrs. Puff:
Perhaps this would be a good time for recess.

Squidward:
Here's the slop you ordered. [tosses tray of food down on customer's table] Enjoy. If you can choke it down. [laughs]

SpongeBob:
[writes] Be rude to customers and insult food. Nasally laugh.

[Bubble transition to Squidward throwing a bag of trash at the dumpster out back. He breaks the bag open. SpongeBob does the same. Squidward pats SpongeBob on the head. Bubble transition.]

Customer:
Can I get a Krabby Patty Combo?

Squidward:
No.

Customer:
How about a Double Krabby?

SpongeBob:
No.

Customer:
Can I get a Triple Patty with cheese?

SpongeBob:
[nudging Squidward] Oh I think you've had way too many of those. [both laugh like Squidward as the customer walks off angry. Cut to another trash bag broken being thrown at the dumpster. SpongeBob tosses a tray on a customers table, spilling the drinks on the floor]

Squidward:
Taught him everything he knows. [more bags of trash being broken and customers getting burnt food or food thrown at them. SpongeBob and Squidward are snoring the bathroom while customers are waiting to use the stalls. Customers are clamoring in line while SpongeBob and Squidward are snoring at the cash register as Mr. Krabs enters]

Mr. Krabs:
[angry] What are you two doing?! Get to work! I'm used to Squidward sleeping on the job, but I expect more from you, Mr. SquarePants.

SpongeBob:
I am not SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs:
What in the name of Davy Jones are you talking about?

SpongeBob:
I mean, do these pants look square to you? They're round.

Mr. Krabs:
Yeah, so?

SpongeBob:
I can't be SpongeBob SquarePants with round pants.

Mr. Krabs:
Who told you that?

SpongeBob:
Patrick. [cuts to Patrick about to eat but puts his Krabby Patty down as he realizes his error.]

Mr. Krabs:
Well, why don't you just take them off?

[Bubble transition to SpongeBob bringing out a Krabby Patty in his underwear.]

SpongeBob:
Order up, Squidward!

Sandy:
Well well, if it isn't SpongeBob UnderPants! [chuckles. SpongeBob notices he's in his underwear and screams as the episode ends]

[A crowd of fish is searching for SpongeBob.]

Incidental 37B:
SpongeBob!

Monroe:
Hey SpongeBob!

Fred:
SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
[hiding behind a rock] If I don't give these feverish favor-seekers the slip, I'll never get to fly with the jellyfish. [quietly flies away]

Monroe:
Hey! There he is! [SpongeBob flies faster] He's getting away!

Fred:
No! He owes us favors!

Monroe:
Get him!

[The angry crowd chases after him, into Downtown Bikini Bottom; while SpongeBob flies past the buildings in a straight line, the crowd runs up and down each building; they stop at a cliff, before Jellyfish Fields; SpongeBob keeps flying.]

SpongeBob:
I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it!

Incidental 41:
He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll never catch him now!

Cannonball Jenkins:
[off-screen] I'll take care of this!

Crowd:
It's Cannonball Jenkins!

Cannonball Jenkins:
[inside a lit cannon, wearing a red helmet and suit; launches out of the cannon and toward SpongeBob; he collides with him, and SpongeBob's inflatable pants explode; the two hurtle toward the ground; SpongeBob falls even further as Cannonball Jenkins opens up a red parachute] I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! [the crowd watches as SpongeBob crashes to the ground; they walk over]

Fred:
What have we done? [starts to cry] Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. [picks up the pants] A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime. [the crowd leaves; SpongeBob, now in his underwear, regains consciousness]

SpongeBob:
Well, it was fun while it lasted. [walks up to Jellyfish Fields, then walks away] I guess I'm not meant to fly after all. [sighs; starts to raise up in the air; a group of jellyfish are below him, carrying him up] Huh? Hey! My jellyfish friends are helping me fly! Without pants! I guess it just goes to show... [the jellyfish carry him back to Bikini Bottom] ♪You don't need a plane to fly♪ [Incidental 41 looks out the window at him] ♪Plastic wings may make you cry♪ [a flock of scallops fly by] ♪Kites are made for windy days. Lawn chair with balloons... fly away♪ [the crowd of fish bury SpongeBob's pants as the mourn over them] ♪Inflatable pants... you may as well skip!♪ [arrives at his home; the jellyfish put him back on the ground] ♪If you want to fly, all you need... is friendship. Yeah.♪ [the jellyfish buzz away; waves] Goodbye, jellies! You taught me a valuable lesson. Although I'm not quite sure what it was.

Patrick:
[walks up] Hey! Let's fly down to the pizza house for a slice.

SpongeBob:
No more flying for me, Patrick. I'll leave that to the jellyfish. [opens his door]

Patrick:
Suit yourself. [lifts up his arm and flies]

SpongeBob:
[turns back around] Did Patrick just...? [laughs] Nah! [enters his house again, but opens the door one last time, just to make sure]

[SpongeBob runs out of the theater, he grabs an ax and looks for Boaty, he sees a bus coming toward him, SpongeBob strikes at it with his axe. The bus stops, and everyone in Bikini Bottom steps out]

SpongeBob:
Huh?

Mr. Krabs:
Sheesh. Calm down, boy.

SpongeBob:
You're all still alive? Well, where did you go?

Mr. Krabs:
It was National No SpongeBob Day.

SpongeBob:
"National No SpongeBob Day"?

Mr. Krabs:
Yeah. A whole day dedicated to getting away from you.

SpongeBob:
A day? But you guys have been gone for weeks.

Mr. Krabs:
Uhh... heh heh, yeah well... we kinda milked it a little.

[Patrick comes out of the bus, he has balloons and a t-shirt with SpongeBob crossed out on it, SpongeBob sees this and gasps in shock]

SpongeBob:
You too, Patrick?

Patrick:
Yeah. Everyone needs at least one day away from... [laughs like SpongeBob imitating his face]

SpongeBob:
[sadly] I'm... glad you had fun. [sobs]

Mr. Krabs:
Aww, cheer up, boy. It's a whole day inspired by you.

SpongeBob:
Really?

Mr. Krabs:
Of course. [cut to a scene of everyone in Bikini Bottom except SpongeBob around a SpongeBob made of wood] First, we build a giant wooden effigy of you, then we burn it to the ground. [the citizens burn it] Whoo-hoo! Burn, baby! [cut to everyone dancing on the ashes of the effigy] And dance on the ashes like there was no tomorrow. [cut back to the present time]

SpongeBob:
Wow. A whole day dedicated to me. [blushes]

Patrick:
Big deal. Wait 'til you see "No Patrick Day." Come on, everyone. Let's go! [everyone gets on the bus. SpongeBob knocks Patrick off when he tries to get on. Patrick immediately forgets what happened and what he said] Where'd everybody go? Hello? Hello [looks around and the episode ends as a heartbeat is faintly heard]