Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #152

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,915 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Dean:
Steve, tenure is the highest promotion a professor can receive. You are now unfireable...and almost rich.

Pony:
[sighs] I wish I could get tenure and be almost rich.

Frank Smith:
Pony, tenure is only for the top profs, okay? It means you really don't have to work anymore, and god, I hope I'm next.

Professor Cakes:
There you go [slaps Steve with a rubber glove] Tenure.

Sammy:
[also slaps Steve with a rubber glove] Tenured!

Steve Smith:
Thank you. I've worked my whole life for this. I'm finally unfireable. I can do...anything. W-What do I do now?

Dean:
You'll learn to like your new life. See, I can't be fired from being the most awesome guy around either. I'm everyone's boss, got the best house, and best wife! And I'm content with it.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Frank gets another message to Ghost Harold]

Frank Smith:
"Frank, please pull my plug. Not that plug, the life support. Ha, ha". [chuckles]

[Frank pulls the life support plug which mistakenly rips Harold's head off]

Frank Smith:
I hope you're good enough for Jesus. 'Cause I bet Worker Heaven sucks. [throws Harold's head into a basket ball hoop] DOOSH! No one here to see it!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Pony:
Thank you for saving my job and acting gay. That must have been super-hard.

Frank Smith:
No harder than you having to...pretend to be not gross and stupid.

Pony:
Good night to you, too, asshole.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Crystal:
This what History has to offer.

[shows Harold's dead body]

Steve Smith:
[sighs] I'm gonna miss my nuts. Let's get out of here.

[Ghost Harold sends a message to Frank while stuck in his own dead body]

Frank Smith:
Wait! Harold just texted me!

Students:
[gasps]

Frank Smith:
"I know you're not gay now. Sorry to misread you. Btw, Spanish sucks! History's awesome"!

Crystal:
[begs] Steve, double or nothing on finals grades?

Steve Smith:
Snip-snip.

Dean:
Got to do it, Crystal!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Steve and Frank died temporarily to find out what happened to Ghost Harold]

Steve Smith:
Hey, hippie, have you seen Harold the Professor?

Old Yeller:
Harold, huh? I thought he was on Earth, looking for some gay dude.

Frank Smith:
Yeah, that's me. Where are all the people?

Old Yeller:
Well, most people are in hell. Then a ton more are in Worker Heaven. Let us look back a few hours here.

[Old Yeller spins the time pond to where it shows Crystal and his friend digging up a grave for Harold's dead body]

Steve Smith:
Crystal. Where'd she get that laser?

[the time pond shows Crystal bribing money to Baby Cakes for the ghost trapping laser]

Frank Smith:
Baby Cakes?!

Steve Smith:
Benedict Arnold.

[Steve and Frank went back to the real world, after being flatlined]

Steve Smith:
WHY DID YOU SIDE WITH CRYSTAL?!

Baby Cakes:
So I could buy all the Adult Scout Cookies and save history.

Steve Smith:
We already saved it, and then you just ruined it again.

[Baby Cakes bribes Steve with money]

Steve Smith:
Don't help.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Steve Smith:
You told him you weren't gay, didn't you? If we get fewer students than Crystal, I'll lose the bet and she will cut my nuts off! Where is he?!

Frank Smith:
Hey, I didn't tell him anything. He makes me popular, alright? And WAIT! I got engaged for your nut bet?

Pony:
Hold on. Crystal has nuts?

Frank Smith:
Oh, yeah. Big'uns.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Harold:
Frank, I'm so sorry I sprung that on you in public. I just hmm! Get carried away.

Frank:
Naw, man. Naw. I'm just, uh, I'm old-school. You see, I've been saving my gay self for marriage, you know?

Harold:
Yes, Frank, I do know.

[Ghost Harold then makes a speech]

Harold:
Frank? Yoo-hoo! Up here! I know this is sudden, but life is short. [laughs] Will you marry me?

Pony:
[slurred] Dream Team! Got to say yes!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Pony:
[slurred] Frank, why didn't you tell him that you're not gay, dummy?

Steve Smith:
No, Pony. Frank's gotta play gay till registration day.

Frank Smith:
You can't fake gay sex, okay. Hips won't lie.

Baby Cakes:
He's like a fog. It'd be like screwing the wind, right?

Frank Smith:
No, I've seen him lift stuff.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Frank Smith:
Listen, we got to talk, man. I am not --

Students:
[cheered and applause]

Harold:
I stopped being a coward! I'm sorry to run away in the Glen. Oh, death made it so clear! I'm GAY AS A GIRL! LIKE YOU! I LOVE YOU, TOO, FRANK!

Steve Smith:
[behind the class door window] What the f***?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Dean:
Preregistration numbers show that history will be the top course next semester. Better step up your game, Crystal.

Crystal:
[to Steve] Let's up the stakes. Winner cuts the nuts off the loser. What? Chicken?

Dean:
Got a nut bet on registration numbers? Cool! Got to do it, Steve.

Steve Smith:
Got to, and will.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Frank Smith:
I'm in shape, kids respect me, I'm one with nature. My life is so much better with you in it!

Harold:
Wow. You really feel that way about me?

[Ghost Harold kisses Frank then blushingly leaves]

Frank Smith:
[sputters] OH, [bleep]!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Dr. Falgot:
Well, I guess we're expecting more students next semester 'cause I just got okayed to order a crap-load more drugs for the Campus Clinic.

Frank Smith:
Yeah, you can thank me and Harold for that, Dr. Falgot.

Sammy:
No one asked if I cared to have a spirit up in...everywhere.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Frank Smith:
What's up! I'm like Robin to a dead Batman.

Harold:
Oh, Cuban Missile Crisis, huh, Steve? Want to get some inside perspective?

[Harold speed-dialed JFK on phone]

JFK:
Do you have any questions for me?

Frank Smith:
You, with the skin and the problem.

Wrinkled Skin Woman:
What was Marilyn Monroe like?

JFK:
She was just as mushy as all your mothers.

Students:
[gasps]

JFK:
Or so I'm told.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Steve Smith:
So, JFK had the FBI burn Disney's boat...and all the whores with it.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Steve Smith:
So, Crystal, looks like we may beat your ass next semester in registration.

Crystal:
Care to wager, Steven? 100 lashes?

Steve Smith:
Seems a bit medieval, weirdo, but alright.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Harold:
That's right. Frank and I got skills! Watch this!

[Ghost Harold throws the basketball at the gymnasium window]

Student:
IT WENT IN!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Harold:
Hey, Frank! It's me, Harold. I came back to talk to you. Oh! Am I scaring you?

Frank Smith:
No, no, you're just different. You...dress cool.

Harold:
I know! I'm happy now! I feel so free! Oh! I can fly and interact with the dead! Who should I call? Name it. Name it. I'll name it. Columbus? Watch this.

[Ghost Harold speed-dialed Columbus]

Harold:
[on phone] Columbo. Harold. [laughs] No, I'm on Earth. What? No! Killing Natives? No, that's more of your thing. [laughing] Alright. Bye-bye, big guy.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Pony:
Baby Cakes, I didn't even know that you were a ghost detective. That's awesome. What do you do?

Baby Cakes:
Well, I got cameras, motion detectors, and a ghost-trapping laser. I even got an E.R. station, if you ever want to die for a few minutes and go look for ghosts in the Netherworld.

Steve Smith:
That's not necessary.

Baby Cakes:
Okay. Are there any spirits here?

Frank Smith:
Wait. Are you talking to...Heaven?

Baby Cakes:
You know, I bet Heaven's a ghost town.

Pony:
Duh. That's the point, right?

Baby Cakes:
No. I mean, like, no one's good enough to be there. Just Jesus playing fetch with Old Yeller.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Steve Smith:
Frank, where have you been? [sees Frank's armor out of tin-foiled paper] I see.

Frank Smith:
Listen, last night, I was attacked by a moist spirit. Have you guys see any activity?

Pony:
Oh, I see activity, alright. No activity here. Just in there! [touches Frank's head]

Frank Smith:
Get off of me, Pony! I'm fragile now!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Steve Smith:
You guys heard The Dean. We need money and students. Look at this registry. Come on. I need ideas.

Pony:
Okay, um, we could give the Adult Scout Cookies another chance.

Steve Smith:
I got to get out of here. I got to go kick a few trees, and figure this out on my own.

Pony:
Steve, come on. I'll put on my B.S. hat.

[after Steve and Pony leaved the room]

Baby Cakes:
What's up cookies? Someday I'm gonna buy all of you.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Dean:
What can I say on a day like today? Well, history attendance is low. You got to adapt. Hell, Crystal switched to Spanish! Now it's a hit course.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[the teachers and students do a ceremony for Harold's death]

Frank Smith:
Harold was the kind of friend you see during the day, never at night or for fun. A boring little mentor, really.

Baby Cakes:
[to Pony] Hey, tell Dad give me some sad potion.

Professor Cakes:
Son, I have no idea what that is.

Baby Cakes:
I know you got some.

Professor Cakes:
[sighs] Here you go.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[after Steve wins from the court where his son gets a death sentence]

Steve Smith:
My baby's life flashed before my eyes, and I'm next. Why go on?

Baby Cakes:
I need to crash here for a few days. Dad's got a new lady, and then doing it all over the house.

Steve Smith:
[acts like a Dad] Well, you're just a big ol' baby who need a good daddy, aren't you?

Baby Cakes:
[confused] What the f*** are you doing, Steve?

Steve Smith:
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Dean:
Court is now in session! Prosecution, what say you guys?

Steve Smith:
Dean, we request the death sentence.

Dean:
Defense.

Professor Cakes:
Uh, our lead lawyer just pulled up.

[Frank showed up while still having all his bling]

Frank Smith:
Apologies to the court. I was praying with our giant loved one out there. Such a strong soul.

Steve Smith:
Objection, your honor. Come on!

Frank Smith:
Yeah, objection overruled, because Steve is a callous son of a bitch!

Dean:
That's a real objection, Frank!

Frank Smith:
I'll sustain it. I'll sustain it. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do we throw away our elderly? No! Not when they have so much to give!

Steve Smith:
Your honor, I don't know how, but Frank is profiting from my son.

Frank Smith:
This is not about me, but about a Dad who is done with his son now that he is an old giant.

Steve Smith:
Right. My son is old, and now it is legal to punish him for his murders. His execution will help us all heal as a society.

Dean:
[cries] Steve wins! The giant will be executed in the usual manor. Acid shall be poured into his ears, then he will be rolled into the ocean!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

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In which movie does this quote appear: "I'm sure in 1985, plutonium is available at every corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by"?
A The Big Lebowski
B Love & Plutonium
C Back to the Future
D Pulp Fiction