Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #153

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,915 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Dean:
What the f*** is going on here, Prof. Cakes?

Professor Cakes:
Well, he's about 90, and his brain had no time to develop, so he's at a catatonic level of retardation.

Dr. Falgot:
Cancer, diabetes, in-grown hairs. This thing is in pain. But he's so huge, he's impossible to medicate, let alone feed. And then there's this.

[shows the next scene where Steve is caring the old man as a son while dressed in a Mary Poppins suit]

Steve Smith:
[to his son] A spoonful of nothin' helps the nothin' go down.

Pony:
Dean, I know mercy killing is illegal, but in this situation, it seems reasonable, right?

Baby Cakes:
Hey, who's to say if he's happy or not?

Dean:
Got to wait him out, gracefully, while he starves.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Professor Cakes:
Steve, we need your permission to administer what we feel certain is a shrink serum.

Steve Smith:
As long as you're sure he'll be alright then sh*t, yeah. I want a normal baby.

[as Professor Cakes and Dr. Falgot plunged the serum into the baby, the baby start to aged into an old man destroying more damage to the university]

Baby Cakes:
Aw, man. They grow up so fast.

Professor Cakes:
[to Dr. Falgot] Uh, we must have switched size with age in the equation.

Steve Smith:
[horribly surprised] I'm the Dad to a giant adult?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Hey, Steve! You got an "A" on the paternity test! You're the Dad!

Professor Cakes:
Yeah. Hope you have insurance, Steve.

Steve Smith:
[faints]

Baby Cakes:
Better get the wake-up juice, Dad.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Blood Bank Employee:
I'm sorry, sir, but upon closer examination, your blood is baby's blood. We have a strict no-baby-blood policy, so --

Frank Smith:
I was expecting to get some serious money from this. How much have I gotten from you already?

Blood Bank Employee:
About $300. So, sir, unless you have an adult source, we can do no further business.

Frank Smith:
[cries]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Steve Smith:
Crystal, why'd you bring everyone?

Pony:
Because everyone wants this nightmare over.

Crystal:
Steven, we have a plan. Show him.

[Dr Falgot shows Steve a big pill]

Dr. Falgot:
Give it this pill and its night-night for baby.

Sammy:
Steve, if you're feeling too wussy, I could muster the gumption to slit that baby's throat.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Sammy:
Babies are big and often painfully sickly.

Dr. Falgot:
Those damn babies should wait in the womb until they are adults.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Golden Bowl:
One month after the university unleashed its prodigious progeny, we in the town of China, Illinois, continue to watch as the faculty within the walled campus deal with dwindling supplies, exhausted efforts of parenting, and a general erosion of morale.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Steve and Crystal cleaning up the baby's doo doo]

Crystal:
Steven, last I checked, we were professors, not crap shepherds.

Steve Smith:
It's kind of the same thing.

Crystal:
[disgusted] Oh, god.

Steve Smith:
Honey, heh, I'm not loving this, either.

Crystal:
Then I say we kill it.

Steve Smith:
No. We just need more help. And where the f*** is Frank?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Hey, Pony, you're needed at the Milk Pumps.

Pony:
BC, boobs don't work that way. I make no milk.

Baby Cakes:
Well not yet. It's like a frosting. You just got to keep sucking that straw.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Dean:
First off, super science, how did this even happen?

Professor Cakes:
Oh, well, we get pseudo-human outcomes often. We got Hair Kid, and we got the Bowl of Face, Finger Guy, and Sanford's Beard baby is due any minute.

[Sanford's beard suddenly pushes out his own baby]

Dean:
So, do we burn this thing or bore its brains out with a laser?

Baby Cakes:
Hold on. We can't just kill him.

[Frank burst through the doors]

Frank Smith:
The History Channel people are dead. Do you know what they do to handsome guys like me in Debtors' Jail? That selfish baby dies!

Crystal:
Frank is right about this freak! Let's destroy it!

Sammy:
Yeah.

Steve Smith:
Hold on. This isn't cut and dry, like abortion. We can't just get rid of it, right?

Dr. Falgot:
Right as ritalin, Steve. It's too young to be tried for manslaughter.

Harold:
It is really cute from far away.

Dr. Falgot:
I concur.

Crystal:
Imagine the damage it will do when it's crawling. It is a monster!

Steve Smith:
Come on.

Dr. Falgot:
That's a fool's argument.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Golden Bowl:
Here at the university of China, Illinois, the destruction is biblical and I mean old-ass testament. Estimates set the death toll at 500. Today's event forced an immediate abandonment by officials.

Special Agent Green:
We had no provable involvement in this experiment, so the Federal Government may now turn its back on the suffering with dignity.

Mayor:
School made that baby, school DEAL with it! Amen!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Female Scientist:
Um, should we really be drinking while working?

Professor Cakes:
Well, I think it's a tad unromantic to use the word "work" to describe the act of screwing like pigs.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Frank Smith:
We're gonna be on the History Channel! [laughs] We are Cinderellas!

Steve Smith:
Finally, I'll be the expert on TV.

Frank Smith:
Yeah! We'll be rich! And just in time! The bank sent this letter saying I'm going to Debtors' Prison. [whispers excitedly] Scary!

Pony:
It's just cable. They're not gonna pay you that much.

Frank Smith:
Nah, see, once America gets a taste, they'll demand we get our own show.

Pony:
Frank, no one would possibly give you a show.

[cuts to the next scene where the news crew stops by at China, Il university]

Female News Reporter:
I'm gonna give these guys their own show. No one else believes in them at the History Channel, but once we get them on this Reagan special, America will demand it.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Dean meets God again for defeating Mayor in arm wrestling in no-handed style]

Dean:
God, how'd I do, brother?

[God reveals to be Baby Cakes all along]

Dean:
Baby Cakes?!

Baby Cakes:
[chuckles] My plan worked so well, I've been down at the hospital getting everyone's hopes up for nothing.

Dean:
So there's no God? LET'S SIN!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Mayor:
Since the Mayor took control, grades are up. Been no riots. Mayor now plans to overtake all the schools in America! At Columbia, Mayor will install Frank as The Dean. FRANK?!

Frank Smith:
Frank's honored. Frank promises to be as good as Mayor. Frank will watch surveillance feeds, especially ones in bathrooms, while Frank washes his insides out with the holy enema.

All:
[gasps]

Frank Smith:
Frank will rid himself, as Mayor does daily, of Satan's mustard that brews in the sin pouch, here, in pants. Frank will store that mustard, like Mayor, in the cleansing belly of our mascot, Gang Sang, the Panda.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Dean meets God]

Dean:
God?

God:
Dean, I like you. I want you to be the leader of your pack again.

Dean:
But I lost! You like The Mayor more.

God:
I...changed my mind a lot.

Dean:
Are you real? Is this real?

God:
Hell, yes, I'm real. Feel me fill you with alpha power. Feel it!

Dean:
I do! I feel like killing a guy and loving his wife and daughters and granddaughters!

God:
I command you to beat The Mayor! Believe that is my will for you to win! You are the best!

[Dean finally wakes up, and then growls while crashing through the wall]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[after Dean's brain vag removal, the crew and Dean went back to China, Il to make Dean become the real boss of school again]

Security Guard:
I'm sorry, but you're on the no-no list.

Dean:
Punk, let us in! I'm the Real Dean!

[Dean suddenly starts to have a growing pain from the surgery and then sucking his thumb like a baby]

Steve Smith:
Pony, your plan was crap!

Pony:
You know what? F*** you, Steve. I'm taking you guys home.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Steve:
Your brother's a real doctor, right?

Pony:
Well, Mexican real.

Pony's Brother:
The brain vag is gone. We gave him a grapevine testicular addition enhancement on the house.

Dean:
I'm back, Jack! I feel it!

Pony:
Aah! That is so f***ing gross!

Steve:
[clears throat to Pony]

Pony:
Oh, yeah. Right. I think you're hot, and you probably have a nice car, and I want you to finger-bang me in it.

Dean:
Damn right. Come on, kids! I got a school to f*** back up!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[the crew starts to take Dean to the doctors' office]

Dr. Falgot:
Let's take a look at these cat scans here. [inhales sharply] Well I'll be. Look at this. Look at this. There's a damned brain vage right there!

Baby Cakes:
A brain vagina?

Pony:
Come on.

Dr. Falgot:
Let me explain. Dean, you're an alpha. You got a confident brain here, but this one tiny, moist region of insecurity is psychologically crippling you.

Dean:
Well, cut it off me, Doc.

Dr. Falgot:
No can do, Dean. It's illegal in the states.

Pony:
Well, my brother is still in Mexico, and he's a doctor.

Pony:
[to everyone] You know I'm Mexican, right?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Dean:
[talking to a racquet] Can you believe those kids took my shoes? What's that? My fault? Okay.

[Dean starts to hit his butt with a racquet]

Steve Smith:
Oh great. Inanimate objects are kicking his ass now.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Baby Cakes sees Steve and Pony trapped in pillories]

Baby Cakes:
Oh, no! They got you guys in saint cages!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Frank Smith:
Mayor, don't rage, but isn't accessing everyone's medical records illegal?

Mayor:
Mayor got to know what his people are made of. Come sit on Mayor's lap, little man. Ever since The Mayor started worshiping God, Mayor got rich. Looky here. Keys to Little Man's new car. Stick with Mayor, get rich and powerful. Amen.

Frank Smith:
Uh, sold. [chuckles]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Aquarium Boss:
Can't believe the Mighty Dean is my employee. [laughs] So cool. Feels so good. [sees Baby Cakes] Here's my other dumb worker. Baby Cakes, tell The Dean here what to do.

Baby Cakes:
What's up, Dean? I thought you worked on a cloud or something.

Dean:
[sad] The Mayor took my top spot on the cool pyramid. I'm bitch to the world.

Baby Cakes:
Aw, man. Get that out of your head. Now just go on in there and feed those 'mingos.

[as The Dean starts to feed the flamingos, the flamingos fighted and humped Dean]

Dean:
Ouch! My nipple! Oh, god! [crying]

Aquarium Boss:
[to the civilians] It's okay. It's a dominance thing. Dean, you're fired!

Baby Cakes:
[to Dean] Oh, dude, you got gang-perched.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Frank shows up to Steve and Pony as a officer working for the Mayor]

Frank Smith:
Well, well, well. Looks like I'm finally the older brother.

Steve Smith:
You really have no sense of allegiance.

Frank Smith:
[chuckles] I'm allegiant to power. I can't help it. Now all I got to do is enforce The Mayor's law and everyone respects me.

Pony:
Frank, you are such an attention whore!

Frank Smith:
The same can be said for Jesus, and look where it got him -- Queen of Heaven. Time for a contraband check.

[Steve spits on Frank's boots]

Frank Smith:
You know there's a law against spitting --

[Steve spits on Frank's face and then tackles him]

Frank Smith:
CAMERAS, HELP ME!

[Steve then gets hold back from the other officers]

Frank Smith:
Now...say I can eat all I want from a buffet! Say I'm cool! Say it!

Steve Smith:
Frank is cool...for now.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." is widely attributed to?
A Kelly Clarkson
B Ellen Degeneres
C Robin Williams
D Sigmund Freud