Satan:
I'm just looking over your new contract proposal, here, guys. Umm, it says here that you want to add more horsemen. Uhh, fellas, the Bible specifically states that there are Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Um -- I...I can't change the Bible.
Death:
More horsemen would certainly help the workload.
Satan:
Yeah, see, I'm thinking, what workload, because there hasn't been an apocalypse.
Famine:
Yeah, but we're always on call.
Satan:
Yeah, listen, Famine, are you the reason for the mac and cheese and frozen "lustard"?
Famine:
It's frozen custard for the lactose-intolerance.
Satan:
Yeah, but it's listed under "horse food."
Famine:
Our animals crave a diverse diet.
Satan:
Yeah, they seem to crave crabs and frozen desserts. Listen, "so hungry I can eat a horse" is just an expression. You don't have to literally do it.
War:
We love those horses! We'd never eat those horses! You son a bitch! [pulls up his firesword]
Satan:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, just settle down. You know what's good for stress, War? Exercise.
Pestilence:
That's why we put in for a horseman gym, and modest spa --
Satan:
Who the hell would get in a hot tub with you? You're going to turn it into a boiling pot of gumbo.
Pestilence:
Dude, I'm Pestilence. That's what I do.
Satan:
And FYI, leprosy is a pre-existing, and you're in a high-risk pool, so upgrading your health insurance policy is not gonna happen.
Satan:
Listen, I know there's more to your proposal. I just don't have those pages in front of me...because I wiped my ass with them.
War:
That's it! We're out of here. You've got 48 hours to meet our demands, or we walk.
[the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse leaves]
Satan:
Well, this one's not walking. He's riding a f***ing scooter. [referring to Pestilence]
