Golan the Insatiable

Golan the Insatiable

Golan the Insatiable is an American adult animated television series that originally aired on Fox on November 23, 2013 along with Lucas Bros. Moving Co.; it officially premiered on January 11, 2014. It was created by Josh Miller and developed by Dave Jeser & Matt Silverstein. It is based on stories written by Miller that appeared on the website Something Awful. It aired on Fox's Animation Domination HD programming block. Golan the Insatiable was picked up by Fox for a second season consisting of 6 half-hour prime-time episodes featuring a new voice cast and alternate continuity. The season premiered on May 31, 2015 on Fox's Sunday Funday lineup. Fox canceled the series after two seasons.

Year:
2013
1,271 Views

[first lines]

Richard:
[muted V.O] Hey, Alexis. You got my telescope in there?

[Richard enters Alexis's room while she's brushing her hair in her bra and panties]

Alexis Beekler:
[covering her bra with her arms] Aah!

Richard:
[averting eyes] Oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry! Not looking. Not looking.

Alexis Beekler:
[covering up] What the hell, Dad! What, are you *trying* to see me naked or somethin'?

Richard:
[at window] No no. I'm *trying* to find my telescope.

Golan:
[outside in the treehouse] Get out of the way! She was about to take off her bra!

Alexis Beekler:
Aaah!

Richard:
Oh, there's my telescope.

Alexis Beekler:
Is everyone in this house a total perv?

[Alexis shoves Richard away and pulls her curtains shut]

Golan:
[muted V.O] Thanks a lot, Richard!

[in treehouse, Richard appears through the door in its floor]

Richard:
Golan, I told you *not* to take my telescope!

Dylan Beekler:
Golan takes what Golan wants! He's the Godlord ruler of ev-'ry-thing!

Richard:
[calmly] Uh, Dylan, how would you like it if I took your war club without asking first?

Dylan Beekler:
[grabs and brandishes war club] I'd like to see you try, old man.

Golan:
Now, Dylan, it's cool. I got this. Richard! I humbly request the usage of your spyglass, uh, around the time that Alexis shall be bathing after dance lessons.

Richard:
Eww! And-and no! It's *my* telescope! And I need it for tomorrow night's meteor shower or, as I like to call it, God's laser light show.

Golan:
Meteor shower? The time has come! I'm goin' home!

[Golan laughs and throws the telescope against the wall, smashing it]

Richard:
[shouting] *Why* would you *do* that?

[first lines]

[Oak Grove Elementary]

Mrs. Budnick:
Dylan Beekler, you're up.

Dylan Beekler:
[clears throat] Ahem! Hello, underlings! For Show-and-Tell, behold my master, your rightful sovereign, Golan the Insatiable!

Golan:
[crashing through the door] Yah!

[class screams]

Dylan Beekler:
Golan will now answer any of your stupid questions!

Blond boy:
Oh oh! Do you have a job?

Golan:
I take over worlds!

Dylan Beekler:
[unimpressed] Next.

Brunette girl:
My mommy says Dylan's mommy wants to make a baby with you.

Golan:
[students hoot as, shyly] Well, I don't know all about that. Though why? What have you heard?

Mrs. Budnick:
Time is up. Take your seat, Beekler.

Golan:
Ah whoa, wait, hold on. First I got to get in a plug. I have finally finished my fearsome self-publish autobiography... [Golan hands his book to Dylan, which is almost as big as she is. She holds it aloft, proudly displaying its cover to the class] "Golan on Golan" by Golan. Here's a little preview. Dylan, read.

Dylan Beekler:
[a choir sings ominously as she intones] As you wish, Master!

[Dylan opens the book to its middle and begins]

Dylan Beekler:
"Cone- cow-ca-ca- cow. Cons - c-"

Golan:
Are you having a stroke? What the hell is the matter with you?

Mackenzie B.:
[pointing rudely] Dylan Beekler can't read!

[whole class laughs]

Girl:
She can't read!

Golan:
[incredulous] You can't read?

[Everyone laughs:
students; Golan, pointing at Dylan; even the teacher behind her hands. Dylan hides her face behind the book in shame]

Golan:
But in all seriousness, this is

Golan:
[flames erupt around Golan] completely unacceptable!

[Richard opens Dylan's bedroom door, sees Dylan apparently asleep completely under the covers]

Richard:
Aww.

[Richard slips a dollar bill under the pillow, but is greeted by a metal clang as a bear trap snaps shut on his arm]

Richard:
[screaming] Oww! My arm!

Golan:
Tooth Fairy, meet your doom!

[Across the room with Dylan, who was not in the bed, Golan turns on the light]

Richard:
[sees the bear-trap clamped onto his arm] Oh! God!

Golan:
Richard, now what are you doing here?

Dylan Beekler:
Why are *you* giving me money?

Richard:
Ah! Uh-oh.

Dylan Beekler:
[with growing emotional betrayal on her face] Wait a minute. Were the other kids right? Is the Tooth Fairy made-up?

Golan:
Uh...

Dylan Beekler:
[threatening Golan with her mace] Golan? Have you been lying to me?

Golan:
Uh, no?

Dylan Beekler:
[as Richard nervously looks on] Golan, tell me the truth.

Golan:
Well, the thing is...

Dylan Beekler:
Golan, the truth!

Golan:
[taking the mace] Fine, fine, fine. I'll come clean. [Dylan looks up at Golan, tears forming in her eyes] The truth is...

Richard:
[interrupting] Uh, the- the truth is, I snuck in here... to steal the the money from the Tooth Fairy who is as real as this bone sticking out of my arm.

Golan:
[astonished] What? Really? But that's stealing.

Dylan Beekler:
Why would you do that, Father?

Golan:
Because he's unemployed! [laughs] I knew it!

Richard:
Yup. Golan's right. Can't hold down a job. Dylan, I hope you can forgive me.

Dylan Beekler:
*Never*! Golan says forgiveness is a sign of weakness! Now give me my Tooth Fairy money!

Richard:
[hands her the bill with his his fractured arm] Here you go, honey. [Dylan takes it] Aaah!


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