Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #114

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,915 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Yvgeny comes back in the russian crib and sees some hispanic gang members walking by out of the club from Sergei's deal] Yvgeny: Who was that? And what is this? Sergei: This quarter-million dollars. I trick Wang Chos. We get money for vodka company. [Sergei turns on the shredder and shred all the money to pieces] Sergei: [sarcastic] Oh, no! What happened? The money -- It's falling into the shredder. Oh, that's too bad. I bet you really could have used that money, now that we are non-crime family. Sergei: Oh, and one more thing. The first potato you put in the processor -- That was not Helen. Yvgeny: What do you mean? Of course it was Helen. [Sergei shows him a pictures where Sergei switch potatoes last night before the company was open] Sergei: THIS HELEN! [eats Helen the potato right in front of Yvgeny then puts it into the shredder] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
The Glaze: So, what brings you by Jon's pub on such a lovely night, Susan? Jon: Yeah. Did you get some flowers from Pete Fontaine or something? Susan Shapiro: [sarcastic] Very funny. Jon: I heard it was a dozen roses. Not bad. What did they smell like -- Sexual tension? Susan Shapiro: I don't know what you think you're going to accomplish here, but I want to make something very clear -- TO EVERYONE! There is no Sam and Diane thing between you and me. Radio: [canned laughter] Susan Shapiro: Our relationship is strictly professional. I am the head of the network. Also known as your boss. Radio [canned laughter] Susan Shapiro: STOP IT! [to Jon] And if you want to continue to have a show on that network, I suggest you get something straight right here and now. There's not one ounce of sexual tension between you and me. Jon: Okay. Maybe there's some sensual tension. Radio: [canned laughter] [Susan Shapiro leaves] Jon: How about a back rub? The Glaze: Hey, Susan, don't forget -- Frasier had a spinoff. Wang Cho Elder: I'll take a foot rub! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
TB: Hey, Jay, what's up with avocado? Jay 2: Oh, just trying to be more healthy -- You know, eat more vegetables. TB: Although I applaud your healthy efforts, uh, technically an avocado is a fruit. Jay 2: Oh. Jon: Yeah, it's a fruit, you fruit. TB: Uh, interesting story about the avocado. The word avocado comes from the Aztec word "Aguacate", meaning testicle. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
The Glaze: [to Susan Shapiro] Hello. I'm The Glazier. You know, like, uh, Frasier, from Cheers. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: You guys got a bike rack? You should probably get one, 'cause, uh, I'm really getting into cycling. Probably gonna show up here a lot on my bike. Qi-Qang: Jon. What brings you by so unannounced and so out of shape? Jon: Oh, I want you guys to, uh, build this for me in here. I know it's a lot to ask. i know it's gonna be a lot of construction and, uh, a lot of noise, but, uh -- Qi-Qang: We'll do it...for $500,000. Jon: Great! Wow! I thought it would be more. Meng Yao: Hey, Jon. Where's Pete? Jon: [angry] I don't know, and I don't care! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Qi-Qang: This is very serious piece of news you bring me. Hispanic Gang Member: It is what it is, man. Somebody wants you dead, and they offer me a quarter mil to do it. Now, I ain't got no beef with you. That's why I am here...and why you ain't dead. Qi-Qang: How much to call it off? Hispanic Gang Member: Double. Half a mil. By tomorrow. Qi-Qang: Very well. [the hispanic gang crew leaves] Meng Yao: How are we going to get half a million dollars by tomorrow? [Jon cames by riding a bike] Qi-Qang: I think it just biked over. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: Can't believe Pete would stab me in the back like that. I give him a job -- He takes my girl? he knew about the Sam and Diane vibe. I'd like to warm up his nuts with a swift kick to the sac. The Glaze: Waaaah! Waah! Waah! Waah! ENOUGH! Are you gonna POUT and complain like a baby all day, Jon? Words are a coward's sword. Bold deeds are the weapon of the brave. Now, you need to stop acting like the Jon you think you are and start acting like the Sam you know you are. Jon: Hey, you're right. [singing] I'm about to get [bleep] BLOWN ALL OVER THIS [bleep]! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Susan Shapiro: What are you wearing? Jon: What? Oh, yeah. [chuckles] Forgot I was wearing my Becker shirt. Used to be one of my favorite shows. Ted Danson was in it. Susan Shapiro: I know. Jon: How about Pete, huh? How funny is he? Susan Shapiro: He's so good. Jon: So good, right? Susan Shapiro: So funny. Jon: I know. Susan Shapiro: That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Initially, I thought the idea of a warm-up comic for your life was really stupid. But I watched the footage, and he's wonderful. So the network has decided to put him on salary. You don't have to pay him out of your own pocket anymore. Jon: That's great, right? Susan Shapiro: Yeah. Jon: Terrific. "Cheers"...to that. Susan Shapiro: I've got some more good news. I've been looking at the numbers for your show, and it seems your ratings have gone up, so congratulations. [when Susan Shapiro touches Jon's arm, Susan sees Jon's attracted face coming up] Susan Shapiro: No. Jon: Oh, yeah. Susan Shapiro: I was just being friendly. Jon: Put it back. Susan Shapiro: Our relationship is strictly professional. Jon: Yeah. Like a bartender and a waitress. Susan Shapiro: Not at all, like a bartender and a waitress. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Todd sees a potato on the table] Todd Barry: What is that? Sergei: What's it look like? [Todd grabs the potato] Todd Barry: What's with the potato? [Yvgeny and Trish comes in and sees Todd holding their potato] Trish: Hey! Put her down! Yvgeny: Why is Todd Barry holding Helen? Todd Barry: Helen? Who's Helen? Sergei: Helen is potato that will start new Mirminksy vodka company. Perhaps Helen would be safer at home instead of living on table where clumsy fools like Todd Barry can harm her. Todd Barry: That's not necessary. Yvgeny: It is necessary. It's like the old saying -- If you want something done right with a potato, do it yourself with a potato. [Yvgeny and Trish leaves] Todd Barry: I think he said potato at least one too many times in that. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Pete Fontaine: Everybody, my name is Pete Fontaine, and I am what's known in showbiz as a warm-up comedian. My job is to get you folks in a good mood before the actors come out and keep you in a good mood in between takes, alright? You know, keep the energy level up, keep you excited, sitting erect, stroking your funny bone till you're spewing laughter. Pete Fontaine: I'm basically a non-porn fluffer. Jon: [laughs] Fluffer! Pete Fontaine: Hey, not that I don't do some real fluffing on the side for extra money. Jon: [laughing] Oh, wow. Pete Fontaine: And if any of you guys are interested in that, meet me in the alley behind the studio after the show. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
David: Thanks for getting us these tickets, by the way. Jon: Just so you know, they were a real pain to get. David: But how? I mean, you got them free from Susan, right? You rode your bike, like, 10 blocks to get them, so... Jon: Yeah, exactly...I rode 10 blocks for these seats? We couldn't get front row? I guess these yahoos are also stars of the network, huh? David: Whatever. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Yvgeny: As the new head of The Mirminsky Family, I've named Trish, vice president of our new company, MNCFVC -- Mirminsky Non-Crime Family Vodka Company. Yvgeny: Next, I have chosen the first potato to go in the processor when production starts. This potato is a symbol of our future. I am naming here Helen, because she is going to be the launch of a thousand bottles of vodka! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: Y'know, Susan. I've kind of always felt that me and you, we could be looking at the next Sam and Diane. Sam and Diane from Cheers. Susan Shapiro: Yes. I get the reference. Jon: Lot of sexual tension between those two. A lot of sexual tension. Susan Shapiro: I'm sorry that you mistook what I thought was obvious, poorly concealed sarcasm regarding your outfit as flirting. Jon: And that is just the sort of pithy comeback Diane would fire off at Sam...right before they started making out. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Susan Shapiro: Jon. What brings you by without scheduling an appointment? Jon: I just came by to pick up those, uh, sitcom tickets you got me. Susan Shapiro: yeah. As I told you earlier, I left them with security. Jon: No, I know. I picked them up. Thought I'd come up, as well -- Get a little face time with the network, let my dogs chill. Yeah -- The higher the dog, the sweeter the chill. [chilled sigh] Susan Shapiro: [don't care] Looking pretty buff in that cycling outfit. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: Yeah, I kind of feel like I'm going to be pretty good at cycling. Might take David to France next year, check out the tour. Maybe shave our legs together, you know, like the racers. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[after from the whole camp shenanigans, Jon sees David hanging out with his friends playing a game in his loft] David: Dad! Jon: Oh, right. [chuckles] David, I-I-I forgot you were out there. David: Yeah. Yeah, I managed to hike through the woods and, you know, find the main road and actually hitchhike my way home. Sorry, I-I guess I should have called you. Jon: No, it's okay. You, uh...you figured out a way to survive. Proud of you. David: Thanks. Jon: I'm gonna go take a shower. Will. Phil. [slowly walks to room] David: What's up with him? TB: Let's just say he took part in a mother nature survival challenge of his own. Your father looked death square in the face...and won. David: What's that supposed to mean? TB: He butt [bleep] an old couple. Will. Phil. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Yvgeny: I also, 'cause I drink vodka, I don't have a six-peck, but I do have an empty bottle of vodka. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[after Todd Barry gets raped by his own divorce ex-wife] Sergei: I have much respect for asian whore's humiliation technique. Todd Barry: Okay, I get that, but, please, don't tell anyone, alright? 'Cause I...I don't need, like, a fan approaching me on the street for an autograph and then he's like, "Oh, by the way, I heard you got raped by a prostitute", you know? I-I don't want that. Sergei: Tell you want, Todd Barry -- You call off wedding with Svetlana...I just might keep my mouth shut. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Yvgeny: I drink vodka, so I never get whisky penis. I always get vodka chubby. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[as TB was about to save Jon, he sees Jon and and the nature folks laughing under a cover] TB: What the hell's going on here? Jon: Suicide pill turned out to be ecstasy. TB: Oh, god. Jon: You want to get in on this, T.B.? TB: No, I'll be outside. Jon: You sure, man? TB: Yeah, I'm good. Jon: It's awesome under here. TB: [sighs] Jon: Alright. I'm going back in, T.B. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
TB: Okay, T.B. You could either lose your job 'cause Jon died, or you'll be in the White House next week hailed as a hero. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Yvgeny: Some people call it occupy wall street. I call it occupy vodka! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[when Janeane and Janeane's Husband sees Jon's bodyguard on his way to save Jon, the nature folks took pills] Janeane: [to Jon] Swallow it. Jon: Mnh-mnh. [Janenane's Husband point the shotgun at Jon to swallow the pill] Jon: [swallows the pill] What the hell was that? Janeane's Husband: Suicide pill. Jon: [tries to spit out the suicide pill out of his body] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[as Todd Barry and Svetlana were about finish their marriage] Pastor: Before we begin, is there anyone present here today who knows of any reason why these two beautiful people should not be joined in holy matrimony? Speak now, or forever hold your peace. Yingtai: I DO! [angry chinese sounds] Todd Barry: I'm sorry. I need a minute. It'll just be a minute. I apologize. I'm sorry. [Todd heads to the backstage to see why Yingtai is here] Todd Barry: What are you doing here? Yingtai: YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME! YOU SAY YOU MARRY ME! Todd Barry: Marry you? I -- That's some cute, little thing I say after I blow my load. Yingtai: YOU LOVE THAT RUSSIAN WHORE?! Todd Barry: Yes, I do. Yingtai: You don't love me? Todd Barry: I absolutely love having paid sex with you, but...no, I don't love you, Yingtai, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but, please, just -- I have to get back inside. I'm sorry. Yingtai: [pulls up gun on Todd] Don't. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago

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