Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #111

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,261 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Steve tries to become like Carabas by changing the opposite stuff that the real Carabas originally does] Steve Smith: Ancient Egypt -- Is it possible that the humans built the pyramids and all other megalithic structures on earth all by themselves? I say yes. Hat Woman: But how did the druid move those huge rocks for Stonehenge? Steve Smith: [bleep] people figured it out! Okay, look -- Imagine that you were the richest man on earth back then and all you had were slaves and food and rocks. I bet you'd stacking sht too. Mustache Man:* But the laser-precision of Puma Punku! How can ancient people -- Steve Smith: Nerd, don't estimate all humanity by the limits of your own capability. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Frank rubs lotion on Helen] Frank Smith: [tired] Oh, I can't believe I'm doing this! Helen: Hey, I know. I just want you to know I know. Frank Smith: What?! Oh, that's such a relief, man! I don't even know what I'm doing here. I wanted to have sex with your sister, and then everything went crazy -- Helen: I don't want to hear your troubles. I just want to get laid! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Steve Smith: Guys, it's me. I'm Steve. That -- That's Carabas, but you're all just too f*ing stupid to see it. Pony: Oh, I'm sure he didn't correct us because he didn't want us to feel awkward, unlike you. Don't ruin your own birthday party. Steve Smith: WHAT?! He's pretending to be me, and he thinks that aliens started civilization. I mean -- Frank Smith:** Dude, who knows. It's just as likely as the sht we teach. I mean, no one know what the hell ever happened. Steve Smith:* Idiots. Okay, okay -- Baby Cakes, I need my "Of Mice and Men". Baby Cakes: Steve, you're just being a dick for for real now. Now if you'll all excuse me. I've got something I need to put into some water. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Pony: Thank you so much for pushing me into Spanish, Steve. I felt like a bad latina, but now, with a week's worth of Spanish, I feel at one with my people. Carabas: That is excellent, Pony. Now, as a bilingual, you should work to integrate the two halves of yourself. Pony: That is great advice, Steve. Frank Smith: No, no! Your advice is way off, brother! I tried your move and Grace didn't f* me! Instead, she's got me slathering balm all over her crispy sister. Carabas: She trust you with secrets. Sexual acts are sure to follow. Persevere -- Like the cigar-shaped UFOs against the glowing orbs in the sky over Nuremberg in 1561. Frank Smith: Strange...strange choice of words, but yeah. Okay. I hear you. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Frank takes care of Grace's sister, Helen] Frank Smith: So, your sister wanted me to take you outside and get some sun on your...meat. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Carabas: One must admit I did not think you'd actually come down here to learn. Steve Smith: I just came down here to fire your ass. Carabas: You can't fire me just because I had sex with your girlfriend. Steve Smith: No, I had broken up with her, but thanks to you, I had to screw her to be the one who screwed her last, so there. And you're fired. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Baby Cakes works at a library] Steve Smith: Baby Cakes, you work here? I mean, you can do work? Baby Cakes: You know, it's a funny story. Me and Carabas met playing D&D, and then we started eating paint off the shrimping docks, and now I'm running his store because he's teaching your class. Steve Smith: [sees a book] "Ancient Astronaut Bible Explanations"? Baby Cakes: Oh, yeah! Steve Smith: What's with that, uh, flock of virgins over there? Baby Cakes: That's A.A. -- Ancient Astronauts Society. You know, they meet every Tuesday with Carabas. Steve Smith: Carabas...I got to talk to that dick. Baby Cakes: Look, you and Carabas are just like Dumbledore and Gandalf. First, you want to fight, but pretty soon, you're gonna want to screw. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Steve Smith: Well, you know, I just saw you here, sucking back those mojitos, so I thought, "Well, I was a mojito". – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Frank sees Grace's house as a rich mansion] Frank Smith: She's rich and she wants to f*?! – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Baby Cakes tries to throw horseshoes in a basketball hoop] Baby Cakes: Get in the water, you turd! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Pony tries to ruin Crystal's Spanish teaching] Pony: [gangster accent] 'Sup, doggy! I'm real-deal Mexican! This sht miss be teachin' is from Spain! Crystal:* Bonita! [speaking spanish] Pony: [gangster accent] Whatever, gringo! Crystal: It's gringa. Conjugate that verb. Pony: [gangster accent] Nah, I ain't got that, teach. Crystal: Conjugate it! Pony: [gangster accent] Nah! Crystal: CONJUGATE IT! Pony: I...I... [crying] I can't! I can't read Spanish, okay? I can't read it! I can't speak it! I'm a Mexican, and I never learned Mexican! [sobbing] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Carabas: [to Steve] Smash my banana, and I'll smash yours. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Steve was about to get into a riot with Carabas] Baby Cakes: No! Come on, guys! Don't be turds out of water. Flip Flop: Aw, yeah! Twin fight! Twins hate being twins, yo. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Steve Smith: [angry] Carabas! Carabas: Excuse me? Baby Cakes: Oh, cool. You guys are hanging out. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Pony: Hey, look -- Uh, I'm Mexican, so... Crystal: So...what? Pony: Let's just cut to the chase here. You give me an "A", and I won't show up in front of your class. Crystal: Pony, embrace your mother tongue. [Mexican accent] Come dance with me in Nuestra Cultura. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Frank Smith: Yo! Chinese Precious! Hey, I know. I just want you to know that, and -- And I'm cool with it, so. Fat Chinese Student: I want sex. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Carabas does a presentation about aliens] Carabas: Ancient aliens. Take the great pyramids. Many mainstream historians would say the pyramids have nothing to do with aliens, but is it possible that the ancient egyptians had help -- Not from Gods in a traditional sense, but from technologically advanced extraterrestrials that humans misidentified as Gods? I say yes. Steve Smith: [behind the class door window] I knew I hated this guy for some reason. Ancient goddamn aliens. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Frank Smith: So, I'm pretty sure that Grace wants my goober, but I don't know the words to say that'll...get her to act on it. Steve Smith: You know, you should just do the "Hey, I know" routine. Frank Smith: What?! What does that even mean? Steve Smith: You go up to a girl when she's alone, and you say "Hey, I know. I just wanted to let you know that I know, but I have no judgement. In fact, I'm here if you want to talk about it". Frank Smith: Okay, but then what happens? Steve Smith: Then they unload what is foremost on their minds, which usually that they want to have sex with me, so we do. Frank Smith: Oh! That can't work! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Baby Cakes: Hey, Pony. I tried Spanish once. Man, I was like a fish out of water. Frank Smith: Dude, your whole life is a fish out of water, alright? Anyway, listen. I got -- Baby Cakes: Speaking of things out of water, have you ever come across a turd out of water? Man, it's terrible! I mean, who came up with putting dookies in the water -- Steve, Frank & Pony: B.C.! Baby Cakes: Well, whoever it was was f*ing genius. Einstein, probably. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Pony: Frank, I'm just saying never tell anyone they look like someone else because it makes them feel less special. Frank Smith: Whatever, skank. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Steve Smith: Okay, this is a little weird. I mean, that's my J-crew cotton twill sport coat, and my...everything else. Carabas: To many, myself included, their reaction is a little insulting. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
[Sammy sees 2 Steves] Sammy: It's like Mary-Kate and Ashley all over again. I can't take it! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Steve Smith: So, one of our new teachers is late. Guess he's gonna miss out on Pony's welcome gift. Pony: The only option they gave me was Nana-Bonanza. I didn't pick it. Steve Smith: No, no. Solid...weird-ass idea. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago
Tonyanna: So.. what's my special man want to do for his birthday next weekend, huh? Steve Smith: Yeah, my birthday...right. Hey, Baby Cakes, I need that book I let you borrow. You know, "Of Mice and Men"? Baby Cakes: Oh, right! You know I'm sorry but I lost it. Steve Smith: UGH! I need that book you idiot! You know I read "Of Mice and Men" at least once a month. UGH! I can't believe you. Tonyanna: Steve! Be nice. Steve Smith: No, no, no! This guy ALWAYS loses my "Of Mice and Men" books! I mean, I hate him. [to Baby Cakes] I hate you. I'm done with you. [to Sexy Woman] I hate you. Baby Cakes: [cries] Tonyanna: Stop it, Steve! He's crying! I had no idea you could be so mean. Baby Cakes: I'll buy you another one, Steve! Please! Just like me again! Steve Smith: Pssh. Tonyanna: [scoffs] I don't think I can deal with this side of you. [as Tonyanna leaves, Steve and Baby Cakes cut all the drama act and laugh it out] Steve & Baby Cakes: [both laugh] Baby Cakes: When you gave me the "Of Mice and Men" signal, I knew it it was time to do our trick. Well, why don't you just break up with her? Steve Smith: Nah, I'd rather get dumped for being a bad boy. Then other girls will want to try and tame me. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 4 months ago

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