Search results for 'spongebob'

Man-Ray:
[falsely polite] Excuse me, sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.

Patrick:
Doesn't look familiar to me.

Man-Ray:
What? But, I just saw you drop it. Here.

Patrick:
No, it's not mine.

Man-Ray:
It is yours. I am trying to be a good person in returning it to you.

Patrick:
Return what to who?

[Man-Ray claps a hand over his face in frustration]

Man-Ray:
[holding up ID card] Aren't you Patrick Star?

Patrick:
Yep.

Man-Ray:
And this is your ID.

Patrick:
Yep.

Man-Ray:
I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.

Patrick:
That makes sense to me.

Man-Ray:
Then take it.

Patrick:
It's not my wallet.

Man-Ray:
YOU DIM BULB!!! TAKE THE WALLET, OR I'LL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF!!!!!

SpongeBob:
Wrong! [turns on the Tickle Belt] Good people don't rip other people's arms off!

Patrick:
Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end!

SpongeBob:
That didn't help at all!

Squidward:
SpongeBob, that's just a stupid boulder!

SpongeBob:
It's not just a boulder! It's a rock! [begins weeping] It's a rock. [sobbing] A roock! A roock! A rooock!

[Squidward looks on with disgust]

SpongeBob:
[climbing on top of the boulder] It's a big, beautiful, old rock! Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles! And it's in great shape.

Squidward:
SpongeBob! Will you forget the stupid pioneers? Have you ever noticed that there are none of them left? That's because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate coral, and took directions from algae! And now you're telling me they thought they could drive-- [SpongeBob drives the rock over him, squashing him flat into the ground] ...rocks?

Mr. Krabs:
We've been duped!

SpongeBob:
Duped!

Mr. Krabs:
Bamboozled!

SpongeBob:
We've been smeckledorfed!

Mr. Krabs:
That's not even a word and I agree with ya!

Squidward:
You're making me claustrophobic.

Patrick:
What does claustrophobic mean?

SpongeBob:
It means he's afraid of Santa Claus.

Squidward:
No it doesn't!

Patrick:
HO HO HO!

SpongeBob:
Stop it, Patrick! You're scaring him!

Patrick:
HO HO HO!

Squidward:
It's not working, Patrick.

Patrick:
Darn it.

Spongebob:
Uh, Squidward, you're stepping on my foot.

Squidward:
Oh! Sorry, Spongebob.

Patrick:
And you got your elbow in my ribs.

Squidward:
[looks down and sees his elbow in a plate of ribs] Ew... Patrick!

Patrick:
And stop stepping on my potato salad! [pushes Squidward]

Squidward:
Stop pushing me, Patrick! [pushes him back]

Patrick:
Oh, you mean like this? [pushes him]

Squidward:
No, like this! [pushes him; the camera pans to SpongeBob as fighting sounds are heard]

SpongeBob:
We shouldn't fight in here! This is a magical place...

[camera pans to outside the well]

Squidward:
Patrick, get off of me!

[camera pans back to the bottom of the well, Patrick is sitting on Squidward]

Squidward:
PATRICK! I told you I am claustrophobic!

Patrick:
Nice try, Squidward, but there's no Santa Claus here!

Squidward:
PATRICK!!

Spongebob:
I can't wait to see the look on our customer's face! [rings doorbell]

Tom:
Yeah?

Spongebob:
Congratulations, Sir! Your Krabby Patty Pizza is here!

Tom:
Wow, thanks! I've been dying for one of these. It… Where's my drink?

Spongebob:
What drink?

Tom:
My drink? My Diet Dr. Kelp?! Don't tell me you forgot my drink!

Spongebob:
[checks order] But you didn't order any...

Tom:
[aggravated] How am I supposed to eat this pizza WITHOUT MY DRINK?!!

Spongebob:
But… but... [tears start rolling down his face]

Tom:
Didn't you ever once think of the customer?! [gives back the pizza] You call yourself a delivery boy?!! WELL, I AIN'T BUYING!!!!! [Tom slams the door on Spongebob's face Spongebob then walks over to Squidward smiling and attempting not to cry]

Squidward:
Sponge? Sponge? It's okay. Sponge?

[Spongebob drops the pizza, falls over, bursts into tears, and absorbs them]

Squidward:
Sponge? [Squidward gets angry, picks up the pizza, marches up to Tom's house, and knocks on the door]

Tom:
Another one? Look, I told your little friend I ain't paying for that!

Squidward:
Well, THIS one's on the HOUSE! [brutally slams the pizza into Tom's face. Later he approaches SpongeBob, who is sprawled face down on the ground in a pool of tears]

SpongeBob:
[looking up tearfully] Did he change his mind?

Squidward:
He sure did. Ate the whole thing in one bite. No drink.

Squidward:
SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would... [A piece of debris from his house falls on his head] I would rather tear out my brain-stem, carry it out into the middle of the nearest four-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than go on living where I do now.

[A TV falls on the ground]

Announcer:
Hi, there! Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain-stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest three-way...

Squidward:
Four-way!

Announcer:
...four-way intersection and skip rope with it, than continue living where you do now? Then move to...

Patrick:
[changes the channel] I hate this channel.

Squidward:
No, NO! [changes it back]

Announcer:
...Tentacle Acres! Where happiness is just a suction cup away!

Patrick:
He's hideous! He makes me sick just looking at him! Those big bulgy eyes, that square body, those two buck teeth, AND THAT STUPID TIE!

[SpongeBob awkwardly clears his throat]

Patrick:
[blushing] Oh, but it looks good on you, SpongeBob!

Patrick:
I want to be the mom!

SpongeBob:
I don't think you can be the mom, Patrick, because you never wear a shirt.

Patrick:
You're right. if I was a mom... [the camera draws back to reveal Patrick's hairy, obese, unsightly form] ...this would be kind of shocking. [lifts his arms, revealing armpit hair] Just call me Daddy!

SPONGEBOB:
Gosh, Larry is sure different than Gary. And Gary and Larry are real different than....Jerry. ( holds up a real life snail )

[SpongeBob is ready to attack Sandy again, but then he realizes she is nowhere in sight]

SpongeBob:
Sandy?

Sandy:
Oh, I'm sandy, all right. [emerges from the sand beneath Spongebob's feet] I'm very sandy.

Spongebob:
[while sent flying into the air] Oh, i get it, she's Sandy, that's also her name, and she's covered in....yes!

[The two are trying to reverse the effects of a shrink ray on Mermaid Man's utility belt]

Patrick:
: You know what the problem is?

SpongeBob:
What?

Patrick:
You got it set to "M" for "mini", [turns the "M" on the belt upside down] when it should be set to "W" for "wumbo"!

SpongeBob:
Patrick, I don't think "wumbo" is a real word.

Patrick:
Come on! You know; I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me, WUMBO! Wumbo, wumboing...

Squidward:
[thinking] I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me...

Patrick:
Wumbology: THE STUDY OF WUMBO?! It's first grade, Spongebob!

Spongebob:
Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.

Patrick:
Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb?! Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?!

Spongebob:
OK Patrick thats enough.

Patrick:
Why? You think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna...[looks back, gets alarmed]

Patrick:
[to Squidward] May I suggest that on the seventh bar of the 'Adagio Andante' that you add a little fortissimo on the arpeggiated B flat scale.

Squidward:
Wow, I never thought to do it like that!

Patrick:
That is because you rarely think.

Spongebob:
How do you know so much about music?

Patrick:
A creative outlet provides a spiritual release and helps facilitate a healthy mental balance.

SpongeBob:
Hey, everyone! Squidward says he doesn't like Krabby Patties! Haw!

[Everyone laughs]

Squidward:
Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.

SpongeBob:
Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny! You know what we say...

Customers:
The only people who don't like a Krabby Patty have never tasted one!

SpongeBob:
Hike Patrick, hike! [drops rock, which breaks in two] You just lost 3 points! [climbs up pole] 1, 2, 5! [stands on his head and blows a bubble in the shape of 'G7'] G7!

Patrick:
G7?! King me, king me! [smashes into pole] I lose!

SpongeBob:
But it's not Tuesday, Patrick!

Patrick:
Tartar sauce!

Squidward:
[shouting from his house] What are you invertebrates doing?! [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other, then at Squidward]

SpongeBob & Patrick:
We don't know.

SpongeBob:
I anything can't do right, since because pickles.

SpongeBob:
It should be against the law to have to write an essay on such a super, sailor-ific, sunshine-y day.

SpongeBob:
TADA! A perfect Patty.

Squidward:
Alright SpongeBob, hand it over. [waits] Well?

SpongeBob:
[hesitates] Hey Squidward! I've got an idea! How about you come get it?

Squidward:
[sarcastically] Oh gee, SpongeBob, now that's a great idea! And maybe I should cook the Patties, and do the dishes, and wear square pants, and live in a pineapple, while YOU wait in the unemployment line!

SpongeBob:
No!

Squidward:
Then bring the Patty here NOW!

Spongebob:
[At the Krusty Krab] Krabby Patties are made out of crab! [customers gasp, Green Fish retches, spits]

Mr. Krabs:
Heh heh. Everybody knows Krabby Patties are me family's secret recipe, boy.

Spongebob:
Then explain this! [Holds out box of crab legs] You said you fired Carl the night janitor. But this is his tattoo! [Holds crab leg that says "Born 2 Lose"]

Mr. Krabs:
You little yellow bastard! I treated you like a son, me boy!

Spongebob:
And it's not just crabs! Squidward, those calamari rings are squid!

Squidward:
[Throws up]

Spongebob:
And your Chicken-Of-The-Sea salad? Ha! Tuna! Chicken-Of-The-Sea is TUNA!

Yellow Fish:
[Pushes bowl out of reach]

Customers:
[Get up and form around Mr. Krabs]

Green Fish:
You fed us to us!

Orange Fish:
Are we paying you to kill us?

Spongebob:
You're disgusting.

Mr. Krabs:
No! I'm the last honest man in Bikini Bottom!! We're all animals, boys and girls. Eating each other is what nature intended.

Customers:
[Beat up Mr. Krabs]

Spongebob:
[Sighs] I'm just glad nothing disgusting ever happens to a sponge.

[At a hospital. A fat, likely pregnant man sits on a bed with a nurse at his side.]

Nurse:
Okay, just gotta scrub deep within your rolls of fat, and we're done. [Begins scrubbing with a sponge]

Spongebob:
[Pushes scene aside] I SAID, NOTHING DISGUSTING EVER HAPPENS TO A SPONGE! *Splat*

Nurse:
Uggh... I hope that's pudding in there...

SpongeBob:
[presenting a glass of lemonade to Squidward] Here you are, Your Majesty.

Squidward:
I can't drink this!

SpongeBob:
Why not?

Squidward:
Are you blind? Just look at it!

SpongeBob:
What about it?

Squidward:
That lemon has three seeds in it! That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd-numbered!

SpongeBob:
Fine, I'll take it out!

Squidward:
It's already contaminated by the bad lemon! It won't work!

SpongeBob:
[muttering] That makes two things in this house that won't work.

Squidward:
Then go fix them.

SpongeBob:
[louder] Two things that won't...work!

SpongeBob:
[quickly] The Krabby Patty formula is the sole property of the Krusty Krab and may only be discussed in part or in whole with it's creator Mr. Krabs. Duplication of this formula is punishable by law. Restrictions apply, results may vary.

[Mr. Krabs finds, to his utmost horror, that the Krusty Krab is deserted]

Mr. Krabs:
Squidward, where have all me beautiful paying customers gone?

Squidward:
[gesturing toward Spongebob and Patrick] Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word. And SpongeBob just said it over the intercom.

[SpongeBob is putting on a puppet show through his TV unbeknownst to Squidward]

Puppet #1:
Hey, where you goin'?

Puppet #2:
To my job!

Puppet #1:
You have a job?

Puppet #2:
Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day!

Puppet #1:
Say, where can I find one of these...jobs?

Puppet #2:
Oh, they're everywhere. They'll even hire you if you're green and have six tentacles!

Puppet #1:
Thanks! I'm gonna get one so I can stop mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives!

Squidward:
This isn't my show! Spongebob! The remote control's broken! Get over here and fix it!

SpongeBob:
I've got a better idea! Why don't I call someone whose job it is to fix it? You know why? Because when I need a job done I get someone with a job to do that JOB!

Squidward:
What are you saying?