YOLO

[Rachel scrolling through her phone while heavy breathing]

Rachel:
Heh! That's funny.

Demonic Voice:
Dear citizen, you have been invited to the sacred birthday party of the one and only Maddison the Beautiful. With over 2,000 followers, a daddy who knows she's a princess, and a 6'4" boyfriend, Maddison is obviously the coolest and hottest girl in town.

Demonic Voice:
If you possess the strength and will to scale Maddison's colossal tower, you may actually even be able to see her yourself to get a selfie.

Demonic Voice:
Doors open at 8PM tonight at the Maddison tower in west Wollongong. Plus ones are acceptable, but will be delegated to the plus one zone.

Madison:
[rotoscoped] Hey, I can't wait to see you!

Demonic Voices:
ALL HAIL MADISON!

Demonic Voice:
Please retrieve the invitation crystal after self-destruct.

Rachel:
SARAH! SARAH!

Sarah Bishop:
[far away] YEAH?!

Rachel:
[yells] WANNA GO TO A PARTY TONIGHT AS MY PLUS ONE?!

Sarah Bishop:
OH MY GOD! TOTALLY! I'LL JUST GO TELL MY PARENTS!

[Sarah ask her parents]

Sarah Bishop:
Hey, um, I'm gonna go out tonight.

Sarah's Mom:
Oh, no. Sarah, no, no. Could you just stay in tonight instead? Ugh. All you do is go out to all these parties every single night. It's just...it's so worrying. It's worrying us.

Sarah's Dad:
[gibbers] Worrying us.

Sarah Bishop:
Uhh...

Sarah's Dad:
Before you go, Sarah, I found an article in the newspaper I think you'd really enjoy. It's right up your alley. Take -- Take -- Take a read of it. I think you'll really enjoy this.

Sarah Bishop:
Uh-uh, yeah, ma-maybe later.

Sarah's Dad:
[crumbles up the newspaper] OH, OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. DON'T WORRY ABOUT. NO WORRIES. I'LL JUST THROW THAT AWAY. YEP. LAST TIME I DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, SARAH. ALRIGHT, GOODBYE, GOODBYE. HAVE FUN. GOODBYE.

Demon Guard:
Halt! Present your invitation crystal.

[Rachel gives the demon guard the crystal]

Demon Guard #2:
Ok, you may enter.

Demon Guard:
Yes, you may enter.

Demon Guard:
Thanks for the crystal.

Demon Guard #2:
Yeah, thanks for that. Not many people bring the crystal.

Demon Guard:
[grabs Sarah] WAIT! Are you the crystal-holder's plus one?

Sarah Bishop:
Yeah.

Demon Guard:
You must enter through the side door, plus one.

[Demon Guard magically tattoo a mark on Sarah's forehead]

Sarah Bishop:
What the...?!

Demon Guard:
Minions! Take her!

Rachel:
[happily drunk] Bye, Sarah! Sorry, I didn't know.

[Sarah enters the Plus One Zone]

Sarah Bishop:
Ok. Kinda random.

Rachel:
I need to get that selfie with Madison, even if it kills me.

Demon Guard #3:
Halt! This area is for Maddison's actual friends.

Rachel:
[with creepy beautiful face] That's me!

Demon Guard #3:
To enter, you must answer the following question. What day is Maddison's birthday?

[Rachel looks for clues for a second]

Rachel:
Um, today?

Demon Guard #3:
...That's correct.

Demon Guard #4:
Nice.

Demon Guard #3:
[surprised] Good...good job. Yep, go ahead, please.

Demon Guard #4:
Yeah, go. Feel free.

Demon Guard #3:
Yeah.

Rachel:
Thanks.

[while Sarah is mining in the Plus One zone]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god! What kind of party is this?

Old Miner:
You get used to it after a while. And sometimes you can keep some of the stones that you crush. Hello. [gets zapped]

Plus One Demon:
Silence, Plus One! [to Sarah] You! We need more ice for the esky. You will go to the corner shop to purchase some. Fulfill your quest or suffer 300 more years in here!

Sarah Bishop:
Okay!

Plus One Demon:
[brings out his wallet] Here. Take $5 bucks. Should...should be enough.

Lucas:
Sarah!

Sarah Bishop:
Oh. Hi.

Lucas:
I, it is so lovely to see you. I...I added you the other day, but...but you have failed to follow me back. What brings you to...to this fine merchant?

Sarah Bishop:
Just buying some ice.

Lucas:
Ah, fantastic. Ice -- The solid form of H20. Uh, such a magnificent phenomenon.

Sarah Bishop:
Ok. I'm gonna go get the ice now.

Lucas:
Ah, very well. Good luck on your quest. [sings upbeat ditty]

[suddenly a hooded robber arrives]

Hooded Robber:
[pulls out a gun] Oi! Everyone put your f***ing hands up! Ya getting robbed, c***s!

Lucas:
Oh, please, sir, do not harm me. I am just a humble traveler he-- here to trade my coin for nourishment.

Hooded Robber:
Shut up!

[Hooded Robber shoots one of Lucas' arm]

Lucas:
WHOOOA!

Hooded Robber:
Empty the cash register and give us all your f***ing money! [bleep] give it! GIVE IT!

Cashier:
Ok.

[Sarah hits the hooded robber with a bag of ice]

Lucas:
Sarah, y-you've killed him! You've killed the grown man!

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. Is he actually dead?

Lucas:
You're a murder now, Sarah. Murderer! We have to bury the body! Whee!

[Rachel sees a woman falling from Maddison's tower]

Woman:
Ah, ah...MADDISOOOOOON! [thud]

Rachel:
Cringe.

[Rachel and Maddison meet each other in a serious sequence]

Maddison:
Oh...Rachel. Is that you?

Rachel:
[passive aggressive] Hey, Maddison. Yeah. How are you?

Maddison:
Oh, my god. Good. I haven't seen you in ages. Are you still friends with Sarah?

Rachel:
[passive aggressive] Yep. She still my bestie.

Maddison:
Oh, my god. That's so cute that you guys are still friends. I don't talk to anyone from high school anymore.

Rachel:
[passive aggressive] Heh-heh. Well, it looks like you're having an awesome life.

Maddison:
Yeah, I'll be going over to Europe next month. I actually have a lot of friends over there. Have you been overseas?

Rachel:
[passive aggressive] No...I haven't. I'd love to, though.

Maddison:
Oh, my god. You sooo should. It would be really great for someone else like you. Hmph. It might broaden your mind.

Rachel:
[passive aggressive] Heh. Cool. So.... [normal voice] can I get a selfie?

Maddison:
[glaring] Yeah, of course.

[when Rachel finally gets a selfie with Maddison, Rachel's phone didn't work]

Rachel:
Sorry. It's kind of f***ed.

Maddison:
Ok. That's enough.

Rachel:
Wait. One second. It hasn't taken a photo yet.

Maddison:
I said that's ENOUGH!

[then Rachel's photo finally gets taken]

Maddison:
Soz, babe, I should probably mingle and talk to more people. It was so nice to see you, though.

Rachel:
[while getting kicked out] Ok, maybe we can catch up soon.

Maddison:
Yeah, I don't know. I'm really busy lately. So, like, yeah, I don't know. Uh, say hi to Sarah for me, though.

[after Sarah and Lucas got done burying the hooded robber]

Lucas:
Ah, yes, the deed has been done. [slurps]

Sarah Bishop:
You can't tell anyone about this.

Lucas:
Oh, I won't tell anyone, Sarah. As long as I can get a kissy.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Lucas:
If I can get a kissy, I won't tell a soul what happened here today. But if I don't, who knows what I'll dooooo...? [creepily spins his head around]

Sarah Bishop:
Ok, fine. One kiss.

[as Lucas was about to kiss Sarah, the hooded robber rises]

[Lucas shrieks and quickly runs away like a lizard]

Hooded Robber:
Ohh, me head! What happened?

Sarah Bishop:
Um, I hit you with, like, a bag of ice and we thought you were dead so we, like, buried you or something. Soz.

Hooded Robber:
Look. I'll be honest with ya. Me car's broke down on the way to the airport 'cause me missus and I have gotta catch a flight and her phone's gone...just gone dead. And we need to call the NRMA to come fix the car, but I-I need money for the payphone and I was just...I like, you wouldn't happen to have, like, two bucks on ya, would ya?

Sarah Bishop:
No, sorry.

Hooded Robber:
Oh, yeah, ok. Yeah, no worries. God bless. [leaves]

Rachel:
Hey.

Sarah Bishop:
Hi.

Rachel:
So I'm sorry that I didn't really care about you being a plus one or being dragged away by demons or whatever. So, yeah, whatever. I'm sorry.

Sarah Bishop:
[sighs] That's ok. To be honest, I was, like, really angry at you at first, but I thought about it a lot in, like, the last half-hour or whatever and I realized that...

Rachel:
Uh, can you please stop talking?

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, sorry.

Rachel:
Look at this photo I got with Maddison. [shows a picture with Maddison's ugly face in it]

Sarah Bishop:
You look so f***ing hot.

Rachel:
Nah, I'm fugly. But thanks.

[Sarah's parents watch a man hitting a house, with a random scribble on TV]

Sarah's Mom:
Oh, that's a nice house, isn't it, Bill?

Sarah's Dad:
WHAT?!

Mayor Bunga:
OI, YOU! This weeked, come down to Goondawindi for the famous annual Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster. There's gonna be live music, cars, beer. You can even meet TV's Trent! The host of Channel 10's 'Outback Trent'. He's here, he's hot. F***ING HELL, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?!

[Trent talks to Sarah in while being in the commercial]

Trent:
Come find me, Sarah.

Sarah Bishop:
[surprised]

Rachel:
[to Sarah] HEY!

Rachel:
The tv's on.

Mayor Bunga:
We'll also be holding the Goondawindi raffle where you can win the coveted GOONDAWINDI MEAT TRAY! Packed by Farmer Ethel herself.

Farmer Ethel:
[as an old lady] I packed it meself.

Mayor Bunga:
It's got your sausages, your rissoles, BLOODY EVERYTHING. IT'S MEAT TRAY. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? [throws the meat tray] F***!

Sunglasses Dude:
Get your tickets now, c***s.

Rachel:
I want that meat tray.

Sarah Bishop:
Let's go.

Sarah's Dad:
If you girls are going to Goondawindi, you should borrow my TomTom GPS. Works perfectly fine. I just bought it off eBay too.

Sarah Bishop:
Um, nah, it's ok. We can just use our phones.

Sarah's Dad:
[crumbles up the TomTom GPS] OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, THEN. NOPE, I WON'T SUGGEST ANYTHING ELSE ANYMORE. I WON'T SUGGEST ANYTHING ELSE. Y-Y-YOU GIRLS...YOU GIRLS HAVE FUN. YOU GIRLS HAVE FUN. AH, JUST LEAVE. LEAVE. I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP BUT--

[Sarah and Rachel gets a transport with a kangaroo]

Song:
[singing] F***IN' ROOBAH! F***IN' ROOBAH! F***IN' ROOBAH! Who gives a sh*t?

[Sarah fantasizing Trent as a cloud]

Roobah the Kangaroo:
Oi! Stop fantasizing down there. It's distracting me.

[Roobah suddenly crashes into a tree]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. I think its neck is broken. What do we do?

Rachel:
Kill it.

[Sarah steps on the kangaroo's neck making the kangaroo scream painfully]

Rachel:
Nah, let me try.

[Rachel steps on Kangaroo's eye]

Sarah Bishop:
OH, MY GOD, THIS IS AWFUL! JUST KILL IT!

[Rachel then gets done stomping the kangaroo]

Roobah the Kangaroo:
Oh, yeah, that should do it.

[Sarah and Rachel go to Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster by walking]

Sarah Bishop:
Are we gonna die out here, Rachel?

Rachel:
Yeah.

[Sarah and Rachel gets in a van with a stranger]

Strange Guy:
So what's a few cute girls like you doing out in the country?

Rachel:
Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster. Getting a meat tray.

Strange Guy:
Oh, yeah, I can take you there. We might just have to take a little detour. [smiles creepily]

Rachel:
F***, it's hot in here. Sweating like a f***ing do. Chuck the air con on.

Strange Guy:
Yeah, alright. [turns the a/c on]

Rachel:
F***! Got dust all in my throat from walking outside. [throws up and spits]

Strange Guy:
Ugh. [groans]

Rachel:
Yeah, that air con's doing nothing, eh? My [bleep]'s like [bleep] cheese factory down here. [pulls out a dead creature from her whatchama calls it] Yeah, that's definitely been up there for a while.

Strange Guy:
[changes his mind] Uh, ok. Yeah, we're here. Uh, yeah, don't worry about the short cut.

Both:
Greetings!

Mayor Bunga:
[to his assistant] Shh. let me do it.

Mayor Bunga:
Greetings. Welcome to the Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster! I'm Mayor Bunga. Please present your tickets.

Sarah Bishop:
Wait. I didn't know there were tickets.

Rachel:
Oh, my god. You didn't buy a ticket?

Sarah Bishop:
No?

Rachel:
Ugh! It literally said in the commercial to buy tickets. You're so dumb, Sarah.

Mayor Bunga:
F***in' hell, Sarah. You always do this.

Mayor Bunga's Assistant:
Jesus christ, Sarah.

Mayor Bunga:
YOU ARE SO STUPID, SARAH! YOU ARE STUPID!

Rachel:
Ok, I guess I'll see you later.

[someone touches Sarah]

Sarah Bishop:
[screams]

Walter:
It's ok. It's ok. Just a shaman. Just a harmless bush wombat shaman.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh. Okay. Hi.

Walter:
What's got you down, love?

Sarah Bishop:
I don't have tickets to get into the Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster. I came all this way to see Trent from Channel 10.

Walter:
Well, well. Looks like it might be your lucky day. I can take you to a secret back entrance where you don't need tickets to get in.

Sarah Bishop:
Really?

Walter:
[sniffs] Yep. But I warn ya, it's an epic and treacherous journey. We will leave at dawn.

Sarah Bishop:
Um...can we just...go now?

Walter:
Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Sorry. Sorry, yeah. Nah, we can...we can go now.

[while Mayor Bunga and his assistant secretly watched Rachel partying]

Mayor Bunga's Assistant:
Should we act now, milord?

Mayor Bunga:
No. After the band has stopped playing.

Mayor Bunga:
This is a sick track.

Walter:
Here it is. The Tree of Lilliak. What a sight for weary eyes this is.

Walter:
I pissed on this tree once. I think it was, um...last February or March or something. It was definitely early last year, though.

Sarah Bishop:
Does this have anything to do with getting to the back entrance?

Walter:
I mean, nah, not really. But I just thought it was kind of interesting, that's all. Ok, yeah, don't worry about it. Don't worry.

[Sarah and Walter sees a green guy running in the bushes]

Walter:
Wait a second. Is that bloody, Thomas? Oi, Thomas!

Thomas:
F***IN' WALTER.

Walter:
What's happening, mate? Bring it in, mate. Bring it in. Yeah, great to see ya.

Thomas:
It's really good to see ya.

Walter:
Been a while, hasn't it?

Thomas:
It's been ages.

Walter:
Been a long while, yeah. How's -- How's Trisha going?

Thomas:
Oh, uh, look, she actually...she passed away about a -- About a year and a half ago now.

Walter:
My god. I'm...I'm so sorry to hear that.

Thomas:
Yeah, look, I-I didn't really tell many people. But, um, yeah, look, I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm alright. I'm doing alright.

Walter:
I don't know -- I don't know what to say. That's just awful.

Thomas:
Yeah, look, now like-like I said, like I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't really tell many people.

Walter:
No, it's absolutely fine. Y-you gotta do what you gotta do.

Thomas:
Yeah.

Walter:
If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm always here, so.

Thomas:
Look, thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, but how are you? How are you going? How's -- How's Jenny?

Walter:
Uh, yeah, Jenny's good. We're good. We just bought a place in bloody, uh, Emerald, actually.

Thomas:
Oh! Oh, that's great.

Walter:
Really nice house, actually.

Sarah Bishop:
Um...I really need to get to...that thing.

Walter:
Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry. Let's go. Yeah, sorry, sorry. Let's go.

Mayor Bunga:
Alright, stop the music! STOP THE MUSIC!

[the band stops]

Mayor Bunga:
Time for the meat raffle.

All:
[cheer]

Mayor Bunga:
Ok, so you all know the rules. If you came her on a roobah, you have a friend named Sarah. And your name is Rachel, the meat tray is yours!

Rachel:
Oh, damn. Wait. Wait! Wait, no, that's me! OH, MY GOD, THAT'S ME! I WON! I WON!

[Rachel runs to the stage for the meat tray]

Rachel:
[bleep] YEAH, MEAT TRAY!

Party People:
All hail Rachel, the hottest and funniest girl ever!

Mayor Bunga:
NOW!

[Mayor Bunga's Assistant pulls the lever, dropping the cage on Rachel]

Rachel:
Huh? What the f***?!

Mayor Bunga:
You idiot, Rachel! This was all just a big set-up!

Rachel:
What?

Mayor Bunga:
We know who you are, Rachel. We've been looking for you for a long time. OPEN THE BIG HOLE!

[Mayor Bunga's Assistant pulls the second level that opens the Big Hole]

Both:
It has been fore-

Mayor Bunga:
[to his assistant] No, let me do it.

Mayor Bunga:
It has been foretold that the Big Hole of Goondawindi must feast on the filthiest being ever and in doing so, it will take us to the promised land -- An even muddier and sicker land than this.

Rachel:
What the f*** is going on?!

Mayor Bunga:
We tricked you, Rachel. You idiot! GOD, YOU'RE DUMB! YOU'RE A DUMMY, RACHEL!

Party People:
You're dumb, Rachel. [singing] You're so f***ing dumb. What is wrong with you, Rachel? GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW DUMB YOU ARE!

[meanwhile with Sarah and Walter]

Walter:
We have arrived.

[cuts to the next scene where Sarah and Walter have journeyed the same Dusty Truck N' Donut Master place where they had started from the beginning]

Sarah Bishop:
This is the front entrance.

Walter:
Yeah, sorry. I didn't know what I was doing.

Sarah Bishop:
What's that smoke?

Walter:
That's special smoke. Means someone's won the meat tray and they're gonna be sacrificed to the Big Hole.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god! That could be Rachel! We need to get in there!

Walter:
Oh, okay. Well, I've got two tickets. We can use those to get in.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, what? You had tickets the whole time? [sighs] Ok, whatever. Let's just go.

[Rachel's reaction when she sees the Big Hole]

Rachel:
Ugh. Sigh.

Both:
According...

Mayor Bunga:
[to his assistant] SHUT UP! JUST LET ME DO IT!

Mayor Bunga:
According to the prophecy, once the Big Hole feeds on this offering, it will open the gateway to the golden mud lands where there will be even more mud to do sick doughies in and smoke ciggies and all that kinda sh*t.

[Sarah goes to Trent's Tent first before saving Rachel, but she did not expect what Trent used to be on TV]

Trent:
[wheezes]

Sarah Bishop:
Trent?

Trent:
[as a naked goblin figure] Yes. It is me...Trent.

Sarah Bishop:
You...kinda look different than you do on TV.

[then Trent's arm starts to fall off]

[after Mayor Bunga throws Rachel into the Big Hole, nothing happened, until seconds later, Rachel rises and became a god]

Mayor Bunga:
What? What the bloody hell is going on here?

Mayor Bunga's Assistant:
Wait a second. The prophecy was wrong all along! That's not the Big Hole. SHE'S THE BIG HOLE!

G'elllx'Tharx (possessing Rachel):
I am G'elllx'Tharx. I have hosted this mortal's body to speak to you from my realm. You constantly wish for a muddier promised land, but what you have failed to realize is you are already living in the muddiest promised land there is! You have all followed a false prophecy that I set up to test you. You're all so f***ing dumb!

Party Person:
Yeah, I have no idea what the f*** is happening anymore, hey.

[after G'elllx'Tharx killed Mayor Bunga, he gets out of Rachel's body]

Sarah Bishop:
What happened?

Rachel:
Dunno.

Walter:
Look, I'm just gonna say it. That was a fun adventure. We had some laughs. We had a bit of a cry. Sarah got to meet Trent. Rachel did all that stuff that just happened. Yeah, it was good!

Walter:
Sorry. I'm not gonna go on about it. I just...yeah. No, whatever. I'll just shut up. Don't worry about it.

Sarah's Mom:
Merry Christmas, girls. Sarah, your sister sends her love.

Sharon Bishop:
[who's stuck inside a family house painting] HELP MEEEEEEEE!

[as Rachel opens up her present, her present was she expected to be]

Sarah's Mom:
They're prawn heads. Just what you wanted, Rachel. T-That's what you wanted, right?

[Rachel punches through a wall]

Sarah Bishop:
It's ok, Rachel. We can open my present together.

Sarah's Dad:
WHAT? No, tha-that present was for Sarah! You...nooo!

[as Sarah and Rachel open the present together, and invitation appears]

Sarah's Nan:
Sarah! It's me, your favorite nan. Merry Chrissy, love. You're invited to my Christmas cruise. Come along and bring anyone you want.

Sarah's Mom:
Oh, that's so sweet of Mum to invite us, but we have Christmas lunch on at 1:00, unfortunately.

Sarah's Nun:
And if youse don't come, you can forget about getting my priceless inheritance rubies when I die.

[dramatic music intensifies]

Sarah's Mom:
Sarah...go get that f***ing inheritance now!

[as Sarah and Rachel were about to travel in a prawn-drawn carriage to the Christmas cruise]

Sarah Bishop:
[to her parents] Aren't you guys coming?

Sarah's Mom:
No. Sorry, love. Bit too drunk.

[Sarah's Nun sees Sarah and Rachel arrived at the Christmas cruise]

Sarah's Nun:
Ah, good. Youse made it to my Christmas cruise. Now I can die happy. [explodes]

[a party person with glasses checks to see Sarah's Nun body parts and stuff]

Party Person With Glasses:
Yep, she's dead.

Rachel:
Sorry that your nan exploded, Sarah.

Rachel:
Wanna go dance?

Sarah Bishop:
[sighs] Not right now. I need some time to process this...

Rachel:
Ok. 'Bye.

Woman with Glasses:
You must be Sarah.

Rachel:
Nah, she's over the--

Woman with Glasses:
[interrupts] Of course, we need to discuss the matter of the inheritance. [shows a bag of Sarah's Nan's rubies]

Rachel:
Yes. I am Sarah.

[when Sarah sees Rachel drowning, Sarah tries to remember Sarah's Nan's helpful advice]

Sarah's Nan:
Now, Sarah, if you're ever lost at sea and you need to save a friend who's drowning, just play this and help will come your way.

Sarah Bishop:
Nan, I'm trying to sleep.

Sarah's Nan:
[pulls up a shotgun to Sarah] Don't you ever talk back to me. [bang]

Beach People #1:
Who are you?

Beach People #2:
Who are you and why have you come to the Beach?

Sarah Bishop:
We just got shipwrecked and the dolphin prawns dropped us off.

Rachel:
Yeah, dolphin prawns.

Beach People #3:
We are the Beach People. Nice to meet you.

Henry:
Wanna come jam at our cool cave? It's cool!

Rachel:
Oh, sure thing, Henry.

Sarah Bishop:
How'd you know that thing's name?

Rachel:
[realizes] ...I don't know.

Blip:
I love my mum! I love my mum! I love my mummy, I love my mum! Thank you. Thank you, everybody. That's it, that's my song. Thank you.

Sarah Bishop:
We should probably be getting home for Christmas lunch soon.

Rachel:
Yeah, I really need to find your nan's rubies.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Rachel:
WHAT? NOTHING!

Beach People #4:
Ok, and that was Blip with 'I Love My Mum'.

Beach People #5:
And now please welcome to the stage..

Beach People #6:
Flying Lotus.

[Flying Lotus arrives]

Flying Lotus:
Hey, hey. What up, y'all? I don't know how I got on this beach or where the f*** I am really, but, uh, I'm about to play some new track I've been working on for y'all.

Man:
Whoo! Yeah!

[Flying Lotus played some bass-heavy music thumps until an angry crocodile burst in]

Crocodile 2:
OI! KEEP IT DOWN IN HERE! I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 6AM FOR WORK TOMORROW!

The Beach People & Flying Lotus:
Sorry, Crocodile 2.

Henry:
Love you.

Sarah Bishop:
Wait. Are you the crocodile I saw on the cruise?

Crocodile 2:
[groans] No. I'm Crocodile 2. Obviously. You're thinking about Crocodile 1, also known as just Crocodile. He lives down in Crocodile Town.

Sarah Bishop:
Where's Crocodile Town?

Beach People:
[gasps] [all chant] Crocodile Town, Crocodile Town..

Crocodile 2:
So Crocodile Town, is where my kind, the crocodiles, live. Because of a lot of drama and disputes that I don't wanna get into right now, he lives there and I live here.

Sarah Bishop:
I have to go and meet him. I feel like we had a missed connection.

Crocodile 2:
Look, personally, I wouldn't be going to Crocodile Town, but you guys seem kind of rad.

[the beach person opens up the gateway hole to Crocodile Town]

Henry:
Uh, Rachel? B-Before you go, I-I just wanted you to have this ancient Beach Sword of Wisdom. I crafted just for you.

Rachel:
Henry, I don't know much about you or the crazy life you've had, but goddammit, I love you.

Sarah Bishop:
Um, I don't think I wanna go down there.

Rachel:
Yeah, actually, let's not do that.

Crocodile 2:
Too late. [pushes them into the hole to Crocodile Town]

[as Sarah and Rachel have fallen into Crocodile Town]

Sarah Bishop:
Are you ok?

Rachel:
[a couple of broken bones, but she was able to repair herself] Uh, yeah, I think.

[Flying Lotus then comes down with a superhero landing]

Flying Lotus:
Man, y'all know I couldn't miss out on this adventure!

Chorus:
FlyLo!

Crocodiles:
[singing] You have arrived at Crocodile Town. Crocodile Town is under the ground. Here we dance and sing our song. Of how you'll meet the Crocodile in not too long. Just you wait and you will see. Down in the swamp is where he'll be. You will meet a sharp-toothed friend, and then this song will finally come to an end.

Rachel:
That sucked.

Frog Guardian:
Welcome to the Crocodile! I am the Frog Guardian. Why have you come here? Blim.

Sarah Bishop:
I need to speak with the Crocodile. I think he might be one.

Rachel:
Yeah, and I'm here to steal her nan's rubies.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Rachel:
WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING!

Frog Guardian:
Ah! If it is love you seek, you must enter where he speaks. And if you travel smart, you might just find the heart.

Sarah Bishop:
"Enter where he speaks". Ok, I guess we just go inside his mouth?

Rachel:
Yeah, I guess. [to FlyLo] Are you coming?

Flying Lotus:
[to a female crocodile] Thom Yorke, that's my boy, you know what I mean? [to Rachel] Ah, nah, nah. You guys good. You go without me.

Frog Guardian:
[to Sarah & Rachel] Ok, well, I've-I've also got some crocodile merch. Got some hats and mugs if you wanna buy...

Sarah Bishop:
Ok, we should probably go this way towards the heart, then.

Rachel:
Ok, well, you go that way. I'm gonna go this way, towards the stomach 'cause the Crocodile ate your nan's rubies and that's the only reason I'm here, to steal your nan's rubies that should've gone to you, but I'm gonna steal them.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Rachel:
WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING! WHAT? NOTHING!

Sarah Bishop:
Ok, 'bye.

Rachel:
Ok, see ya.

[then the Rachel's "What? Nothing!" became an echo all of a sudden]

[after Rachel accidentally stabbed the Crocodile's heart while getting Sarah's Nan's rubies, the crocodile and the beach exploded]

Beach People #7:
You have destroyed our home. Our ancient home! For this, you must die!

Flying Lotus:
[pulls up two swords] Shi--, y'all f***ed up big time.

[as Sarah and Rachel were about to get murdered, Sarah get a message from her parents]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, it's Christmas lunch time.

Beach People #8:
Oh. Rightio. Well...have fun, then.

[as Rachel finally opens up Sarah's Nan's rubies, she saw the same thing that happened she got last time she open her own present from the beginning of the episode]

Sarah's Mom:
Oh, yes. Nan kept prawn heads in that ruby bag, Rachel. I forgot to tell you.

Rachel:
[roars]

[while Flying Lotus enjoy Christmas lunch time with Sarah and Rachel]

Flying Lotus:
[to the beach people] I know it's gonna be weird to say, but I love y'all, man. I hope we die together. Y'all my brothers.

Beach People #9:
Hey, uh, everyone. I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for inviting my friends and myself to epic Christmas dinner. I was feeling kinda sh*tty lately and this genuinely lifted my spirits. We are humbled by this. And maybe Beach-creature kind, crocodile kind and humankind can get along after all...

[suddenly Sarah's Dad smashes Beach People #9]

Sarah's Dad:
What the hell was that? Did anyone see that thing talking? Bloody hell! Jesus Christ!

Crowd:
[chanting] Terry Cup! Terry Cup!

Train Engineer:
Oi! SHUT THE F*** UP! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG YOUSE HAVE BEEN CHANTING THAT NOW? IT GETS F***ING OLD! I'M SICK OF IT!

[Rachel tries to bet a dance participant to see who will win the Terry Cup at the Terry Bet Station]

Sarah Bishop:
Rachel, you should probably not bet too much. Remember what happened last year?

Rachel:
Yeah, yeah. Whatever. 4 million Terry credits on Quickfoot McQuinty.

Terry:
[to Quickfoot] I...am not pleased.

[Terry burns Quickfoot to death with his fiery mouth]

Commentator:
There's no coming back from that! McQuinty loses!

Rachel:
F***.

[suddenly the Terry Bet Stations shoots out a tech collar onto Rachel's neck]

Machine:
You have 24 hours to pay your debt before your Terry Debt Necklace explodes.

Sarah Bishop:
Do you even have that much money?

Rachel:
I can make it back. 4 million credits on Dr. Dance Man.

Terry:
I am not pleased, again.

[Terry burns Dr. Dance Man]

Machine:
You lose. You now have one hour to pay your debt before your Terry Debt Necklace explodes.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god, Rachel! How are you gonna pay that debt back?

Rachel:
It's ok. I've got an idea.

Rachel:
4 MILLION ON--

Sarah Bishop:
NO!

[after Sarah cries in the restroom seeing Brad's new girlfirned, a gnome in a toiler appears]

Gwingle Blum:
HELLO THERE! MY NAME IS GWINGLE BLUM, THE TOILET GNOME!

Sarah Bishop:
Oh. Hello.

Gwingle Blum:
You are not allowed to be SAD at the Terry CUUUP! Everyone must always be having fun here! FUN, FUN, FUN! So here, drink THIIIS! ]shrieks] AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER!

Sarah Bishop:
Uh, I don't think I wanna drink that.

Gwingle Blum:
[screams] DRINK IT! DRINK IIIT! DRINK IIIIT! DRINK IIT! DRINK IIIT!

Sarah Bishop:
Ok, ok, fine. I'll drink it. [drinks the juice]

Gwingle Blum:
Oh, by the way, that drink has poison in it. [screams]

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Gwingle Blum:
[screams as he ascends away]

[Sarah slaps Bin]

Brad:
[to Bin] Babe, are you ok?

Sarah Bishop:
Uh...um, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to.

Terry:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you two are gonna fight, you've gotta fight in the arena.

Sarah Bishop:
I don't wanna fight anybody!

Terry:
Well, if you succeed, you could win the Ultra Mega Terry Cup, which is valued at exactly 8 million Terry Credits.

Rachel:
[while sawing the collar] WHAT? No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! She'll do it! She'll do it!

Sarah Bishop:
What? Rachel? What are you doing?

Rachel:
Sarah, listen to me. You need to do this. Not for me, but for yourself. Make Brad forever regret dumping you.

Rachel:
And also, lend me the Ultra Mega Terry Cup when you win so I can use it to pay off my Terry Debt.

[as Sarah finishes Bin with her ultimate dance move, Sarah knocks over Bin by accident, and sees a basal thermometer inside of the trash can]

Fat Guy with Glasses:
Oh, my god! Bin is pregnant!

Brad:
Bin, babe! Why didn't you tell me?

Terry:
[to Sarah] This is a DISGRACE to the Terry Cup! For your insolence, you will be sentenced to Terry Hell! Terry Hell is inside my mouth!

[as Rachel got the Terry Cup to pay her debt, Rachel's collar explodes her head to death, and then suddenly, another Terry emerges from the trophy]

AI Woman:
Who are you?

Terry:
Oh, no.

Real Terry:
I am Terry. The REAL Terry! This bloody buffoon locked me away in the Ultra Mega Terry Cup, 10,000 years ago! He's always trying to bloody copy me and take my identity.

Terry:
[stammers] I don't know what he's talking about! He's lying!

Real Terry:
Oh, come on, man. Stop. You can't be going around putting me in a cup for thousands of years pretending to be me. You need to be yourself. You need to *love* yourself.

Crowd:
Aww.

Turquoise Shirt Guy:
So cute.

Terry:
You're right. I'm sorry. I'm Gary, by the way, everyone.

Crowd:
Hi, Gary!

Gary:
Friends?

Terry:
Yeah, alright. Bring it in.

[after Terry and Gary solved their differences]

Terry:
Sarah, I heard everything that happened from the cup. You have gone through a lot of unnecessary drama today and for this, I will grant you one Terry wish.

Sarah Bishop:
I choose...for my best friend, Rachel, to come back to life.

Sarah Bishop:
I guess.

Terry:
Terry Wish Activated!

[Terry revives Rachel]

Rachel:
F***in' hell, Sarah! Took you long enough!

Brad:
Hey, uh, Sarah? Bin and I broke up. Yeah, I'm not ready to look after a kid. I was thinking maybe you and I could...give it another shot?

Sarah Bishop:
I would love to--

Rachel:
Sorry, Brad. Chicks before d*cks. [spits mucus on brad]

Brad:
[whines] Ewww!

Rachel:
When are we getting to the club?

Sarah Bishop:
We're not going to a club, Rachel. We're just going on a nice relaxing Sunday drive.

Rachel:
WHAT?!

Sarah Bishop:
It'll be nice and refreshing, Rachel. I think we both need it. Here, let's put on the radio.

Rachel:
When are we getting to the club?

Miki:
[on radio] Hey, Stav and Miki here, and you're listening to Quadruple Jay.

Stav:
Totes. Hey, if you're mungin' down the Hume Highway now and wanna go to a totally cooked party, there's a fully sick Bush Doof...

Miki:
Whoo! Bush Doof.

Stav:
Yeah, we're broadcasting live from The Bloof, and it's already heaps chockers. We're so excited.

Miki:
We're literally super psyched. Like, screaming right now. [drawls] super...psyched.

Miki:
Come on down and you can win a free Tame Impala shirt.

Stav:
Tame Impalaaa.

Miki:
Tame Impalaaaa.

Rachel:
[licks her lips] Mmm. Yummy. T-shirt.

[after Rachel steers the car over to the Bush Doof sign where they got in an bumpy accident, they met a strange orange creature]

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
Welcome to the Doof! I am Peleeken Mischief Maker. And, yes, it is OK to park your car here. Welcome! Have a dreamcatcher. Have two, have three! Just kidding. Maybe just two.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, thank you!

[Rachel throws the dreamcatcher at a rock]

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
Ooh! Positive vibes ONLY, everybody! [chuckles] Anyhoo, I must summon our transport. Bligdip.

[when PMM summons their transport by screaming in a extreme moment, the scene cuts to Sarah and Rachel riding on a Bush Bus with PMM]

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
[singing] Riding on the Bush Bus, riding on the Bush Bus. All day long, all day long.

[they finally arrived at Bush Doof]

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
This is the main area of the Bush Doof. There's the drum cube. Dreamy vibes and genuinely good acoustics.

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
OH! And there's the silent disco. Aesthetic vibes as fudge and headed by the Blue Bush Wizard himself!

Blue Bush Wizard:
Yes!

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
SENSATIONAL! And over there, my friends. They're my BEST friends!

Cap Person:
We're not you're friends, Peleeken! You--We f***ing hate you, man. You come off way too strong.

Ponytail Girl:
Go away.

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
They're just kidding around. We're besties. Roar! Roar! I'm a dinosaur. Roar. [giggles] Anyhoo. Have fun Have fun at the Bush Doof! Love you, love you, love you! Love you! [leaves while crab walking]

Rachel:
Sarah, I just, uh, I have to tell you something, just so I can get it off my chest. Um, one day I'm going to kill Peleeken Mischief Maker.

[when Rachel almost gets the Tame Impala shirt inside the tree, a rat bit her]

Rachel:
HEY, COME HERE, YOU LITTLE F***! GRRR!

Possum:
Oh, no! Pwease, no!

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god, Rachel! It can talk!

Possum:
Pwease! I'm just wittle baby possum.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, don't hurt him, Rachel ,please.

Rachel:
He f***in' bit me.

Possum:
Pwease, before you hurt me, just listen to my story, pwease?

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, come on, Rachel. He's saying 'pwease'.

Rachel:
[groans] Fine.

Possum:
My story begins back in time 5,000 years ago. The Blue Bush Wizard was trying to dominate all possums on the land. And I made the mistake of trying to fight back. I rallied my possum brethren around me, but, alas, we were no match for his epic and super-powerful magic spells. They fell in battle. my fellow possum soldiers, that is. I was captured and locked away in the cage in the tree until you rescued me.

Blue Bush Wizard:
[evil laughs] I'm a wizard.

[story ends]

Possum:
Pwease take me home so I can see my mummy. [whiny sobs]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, it's alright, little buddy. You're gonna be fine. Ok, Rachel. let's take him back to his nest.

Rachel:
I'M NOT TAKING THAT POSSUM ANYWHERE.

[when Rachel puts on headphones for the silent disco]

Blue Bush Wizard:
[to Rachel] Oi, you! Yes, you. Listen to me. Listen very carefully. Keep dancing. Don't stop. Ok, quick backstory. I forgot my music back at the apartment. I don't wanna look like an idiot in front of Quadruple Jay. So-So just pretend look you're dancing, alright? Look up.

[Rachel sees a sniper pointing a gun at her]

Rachel:
Ugh...uhh... [keeps dancing]

Blue Bush Wizard:
Good, good. Just keep dancing and everything will be fine.

Dark Red Shirt Guy:
Oh, god! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!

[as Dark Red Shirt Guy runs, he gets sniped]

Miki:
Talk about big mood. Looks like somebody just got assassinated by a sniper bullet on the dance floor.

Stav:
Yeww! Sun's out, guns out.

Sarah Bishop:
Don't mind my friend, Rachel. I think she really likes you. She just has a tough time expressing emotions sometimes.

Possum:
Oh, my god, that's fine. Don't even worry about it, seriously. To be honest, the fact you put up with such a toxic friend like Rachel shows how much of a good person you are, Sarah.

Sarah Bishop:
[sighs] God, you're so cool.

Possum:
There's my nest. Pwease put me back in. Oh, pwease.

Sarah Bishop:
Here you are. Home, sweet home.

[then the possum turned out to be another bush wizard of himself]

Red Bush Wizard:
[laughs] Fool! You have unleashed the Red Bush Wizard!

[Red Bush Wizard magically turns the old castle into a battle castle]

Red Bush Wizard:
Oi! Blue Bush Wizard!

Blue Bush Wizard:
Oh, for f***ing sake. Who took the f***ing possum out of the cage and put it in the nest?

Red Bush Wizard:
I'm gonna f***ing get ya, [bleep].

Blue Bush Wizard:
Yeah, yeah. Whatever, you f***head!

Red Bush Wizard:
Nah, you shouldn't have locked me away, man. That was f***ed up.

Blue Bush Wizard:
Dude, I locked you away 'cause you were using dark ancient magic, man. You're not supposed to be f***ing around with that.

Red Bush Wizard:
Gonna f***in' get ya!

Blue Bush Wizard:
Oh, yeah? You and what army f***wit?

Red Bush Wizard:
This one. [uses his magic book] Bindi people, rise!

[Red Bush Wizard magically summoned an army of Bindi Zombie people]

Blue Bush Wizard:
Oh, sh*t. Bindi People.

Blue Bush Wizard:
[to the people who are dancing for their own risk] Ok, forget the dancing. Stop dancing. So here's the deal. I left my magic book in the same bag I left my vinyl's in. You need to pretend you're brainwashed by my magic, right? You need to be my army. Now! Be my army! Fight those Bindi People or you're all getting sniped!

Blue Bush Wizard:
Sorry, I'm not usually this mean and bossy. I'm just mad 'cause I left all my f***ing sh*t at home.

Bindi People:
[snarl] Bindi People, Bindi People, we are the Bindi People.

Blue Bush Wizard:
Oi, your Bindi People are way too OP! That's dark magic sh*t!

Red Bush Wizard:
Nah, you're just sh*t.

Blue Bush Wizard:
Get f***ed, d*ckhead. I'm so sick of you, hey.

Red Bush Wizard:
You're the d*ckhead, man. Nobody turns me into a possum. Nobody! That's f***ed up!

Blue Bush Wizard:
Ok, calm down, idiot. Stop yelling.

Miki:
Hella weird vibes up in this doof right now. Looks like a for-real war is happening between the Blue Bush Wizard and the Red Bush Wizard.

Stav:
Sucks. Looks like this wizard war could wipe out civilization as we know it.

Stav:
Let's play some Tame Impala.

Miki:
Tame Impala!

Miki:
Looks like Sarah has been brainwashed by the Red Bush Wizard and she's deadass trying to kill Rachel right now.

Stav:
Oh, my god. She's totally frothing.

Miki:
We're all frothing, mate.

[as Sarah who's hypnotized almost trying to kill Rachel, Rachel sees a flying car all of a sudden]

The Bush Wizards' Mom:
Boys! Get in the car. It's time for dinner.

Blue Bush Wizard:
Oh, Mum! Five more minutes!

Red Bush Wizard:
This is the best bit!

The Bush Wizards' Mom:
Just pause it.

Blue Bush Wizard:
You can't pause it, Mum! Its happening live!

Red Bush Wizard:
Come on. [bleep]

The Bush Wizards' Mom:
I've got a supreme pizza in the car and its getting cold. That's enough playing. Just get in!

Blue Bush Wizard:
Oh, sick! Supreme?

The Bush Wizards' Mom:
Yep.

Red Bush Wizard:
Oh, sick!

Blue Bush Wizard:
Ok, coming, coming!

Blue Bush Wizard:
F*** YEAH, SUPREME!

[the Bush Wizards get inside their ma's car for supreme pizza, ending the war]

Miki:
So it looks like both the Bush Wizards just got picked up by their Mum in the car in the sky. Hit us up on the text line if you've had something similar happen to youuuuuuu... [suddenly her head explodes]

[Sarah finally stops choking Rachel to death after getting hypnotized]

Rachel:
SARAH, WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Sarah Bishop:
I'm sorry! I was being hypnotized!

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
Uh, hey there, girls. I fixed your car for you. I know you didn't ask me to. But I did it anyway, I'm sorry.

Sarah Bishop:
Peleeken, you did that just for us?

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
I don't know. When you were fighting and stuff, I-I just wanted to...I guess...I don't know. I just really like youse.

[Sarah wakes up and sees Lucas in her room]

Lucas:
Don't worry. We didn't do anything. I was just admiring you all night.

Rachel:
What's up?

Sarah Bishop:
I'm just thinking. Is this what I'm supposed to be doing with my life? Just going out and getting wasted every night? I don't know, I just...I feel like I'm stuck in a loop of partying and regret.

[Sarah gets a notification on her Astroloscope app that says that she will another bad day]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, god, even my horoscope says my life sucks. [sobs]

Rachel:
[doesn't care while seeing her friend cry]

Sarah's Mom:
Well, Sarah, if you're feeling depressed, you can always go and stay in our holiday house on Planet Bali.

Sarah Bishop:
You know what, then? That-That actually sounds like a good idea.

Sarah's Dad:
Well, you can use my rocket if you want. I've got it in the ga-rage. Bloody thing hasn't been used in ages.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, yeah, sure. That'd be great, Dad.

Sarah's Dad:
OH. OK, FINE! IF YOU WANNA USE IT, FINE. JUST TAKE THINGS WHEN YOU WANNA USE THEM, SARAH. IF THAT'S THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE. I MEAN, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO USE IT, BUT THAT'S FINE. OK. IF YOU DON'T WANNA USE IT, THAT'S FINE, THAT'S OK. YEP, YEP, YEP.

Sarah's Dad:
There it is. I call it...Rocket, the Dad...the Dad Rocket. 2...3000.

Sarah Bishop:
Is it safe?

Sarah's Dad:
[sniffs] Nah.

[before Sarah gets into the Dad Rocket to go to Planet Bali]

Rachel:
Alright, I'm ready to leave! LET'S GOO!

Sarah Bishop:
Uh, look, Rachel, I like going out with you and partying and everything, but I think we need a bit of break from each other.

Rachel:
What?

Sarah Bishop:
Not forever. It's just...well...my horoscope said I need a break from my toxic best friend and I was thinking that might be you.

Rachel:
[snarls] NAH!

Sarah Bishop:
I think I wanna be alone on this trip.

Rachel:
Sure. Fine. That's ok.

Sarah Bishop:
Thanks for understanding, Rachel.

[Sarah leaves to Planet Bali]

Sarah's Dad:
[to Rachel] You and I can...can hang out if ya want.

Lucas:
Salutations!

Rachel:
GET THE F*** OUTT MY F***ING FACE, C***! F*** OFF!

Lucas:
Ok, if that's the way you want to play it, I guess you won't find out how we can get to Sarah, then. [chuckles]

Rachel:
[suspicious] What are you talkin' about?

Lucas:
Yes, I've been working on my own rocket for a while now. My little passion project, you could say. It's a little weekend hobby.

[Rachel grabs Lucas with her bare hands]

Rachel:
[demonic voice] SHOW ME!

[while Sarah is chilling in the Dad Rocket]

Sarah Bishop:
Ahh, this is exactly what I needed.

AI Computer:
APPROACHING, PLANET BALI!

[Sarah gets another notification on her astroloscope after meeting Capricorn from another planet]

Sarah Bishop:
[reads] "Capricorns will be rejected today"?

Capricorn:
Oh, my god. You're a Capricorn?

Sarah Bishop:
Yeah, wait a second. Does this have something to do with you?

Capricorn:
Yeah. I'm your star sign. Anything that happens to me or my 11 frat mates happens to all humans on earth. And, yeah, I've been having a pretty sh*t time lately.

[when Sarah decided to help Capricorn find a boyfriend, a random bald superhero guy pushes the scene away]

Bald Superhero Guy:
Nuh, nuh! No more YOLO.

Chorus:
BORING!

Bald Superhero Guy:
Move that over! [to the viewers] You're watching a new TV show right now. [breathes] You're watching: RACHEL & LUCAS, THE MAGNICIFICENT'S [breathes] STAR VENTURE STORIES, YA C***S!

Lucas:
Mmm, it appears Sarah has gone of course. Computer, set a course for Planet Horoscope.

Lucas:
Rachel, would you like to say anything to the computer?

Rachel:
[softly] No.

Lucas:
Calal Mulooki, how long until we drop out of hyperspace and reach Planet Horoscope's orbit? [covering his mouth as Calal] "Oh, it will be 20 minutes, Captain".

Rachel:
Can you shut the f*** up?

Alien Leader:
Dear passengers, I've entrapped your ship. You have made me mistake of flying into the Gaganosh Region. [chuckles]

Rachel & Lucas:
[totally confused]

Alien Leader:
We have locked your ship down until we find an appropriate way to deal with you, which will be death. [chuckles]

Lucas:
Ah, egad. It appears we have been entangled in a cosmic misadventure. Don't worry, Rachel. In the name of Emperor Neona, we shall prevail over this domineering evil!

Rachel:
[groans]

[Sarah and Capricorn head to the frat party]

Capricorn:
Alright, so I'll introduce you to everyone. That's Virgo. She's smart, sophisticated and kind. She gets the job done without complaining. Virgos are amazing--

Sarah Bishop:
Ok. Yeah, I get it.

Sagittarius:
Oh, Capricorn. Didn't think you'd show up. Thought you'd be at home reading books or something super-duper lame like that! [laughs]

Sagittarius' Friend:
Super-duper-duper--

Sagittarius:
[to his friend] No. Shh.

[Sarah and Capricorn sees Capricorn's boyfriend]

Capricorn:
Oh, god. That's him.

Sarah:
Oh! So, what's his name?

Capricorn:
Aquarius. He's been my crush for like, literally forever. But he never notices me.

Sarah:
Well, let's see what he thinks of the new Capricorn.

[Capricorn waves to Aquarius]

Capricorn:
I don't think I can do this. I don't feel comfortable. I just wanna play marbles. JUST LET ME PLAY MARBLES.

Alien Leader:
Get ready to die! [chuckles]

[before the Alien Leader was about to pull the lever to bring Rachel & Lucas to his ship, he suddenly got a notification on his phone]

Alien Leader:
One sec. My horoscope just came in. [reads] "As an Aquarius, you will find true...love today"?

Alien Leader:
Guys...you can go. Get out of here. I'm in a really good mood right now. I'm gonna find love. Wow, me!

Lucas:
Thank you, space beast. I guess love can even exist in space.

Alien Leader:
Yeah. I guess it can.

Sarah Bishop:
Capricorn, I'm so happy for you! You did it!

[sees Capricorn leaving with his boyfriend]

Sarah Bishop:
Where are you going?

Capricorn:
Oh, Aquarius and I are going to Planet Bali.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, great! That's where I was going. Can I come?

Capricorn:
Um, Sarah, to be honest, I know what you were doing. You were just trying to help me for your own selfish reasons. You're...kind of toxic.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Capricorn:
It was nice meeting you, I guess. Bye! [leaves]

Sarah Bishop:
How am I supposed to get home?

[Lucas & Rachel comes by with Lucas' rocket]

Rachel:
Oi. Get in, ya f***head!

Sarah Bishop:
And then my horoscope went to Planet Bali with Aquarius and abandoned me.

Rachel:
Hmm. Sounds familiar.

Sarah Bishop:
[sighs] I'm sorry, Rachel. I shouldn't have treated you like that. But being away with you made me realize how much I appreciate you. [touches Rachel's hand] Friends?

Rachel:
Best friends. [getting ready to kiss]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, uh...

Rachel:
Oh. Sorry.

Rachel:
[slurred] Get your hands off me!

Bouncer:
Get outta here.

Sarah Bishop:
Come on, Rachel. Don't start a scene. [to Bouncer] We were just leaving.

Rachel:
Nah, f*** them! He groped me! That's assault!

Bouncer:
I'll be calling the police if you try to come back, love.

Sarah Bishop:
Rachel, stop. Let's just leave.

Rachel:
Oh, f***. Don't call me 'love'!

Sarah Bishop:
You got WAY too drunk, Rachel. I was having fun in there too.

Rachel:
Nah, you're just...you're just being cranky. Crank Sarah.

Sarah Bishop:
I'm not being...I'm not cranky, I'm just getting a little sick and tired of being kicked out of every place when I'm with you.

Rachel:
Whatever. I gotta go piss, Sarah. Where can I piss?

Sarah Bishop:
Hmm, you can go in there. [points to the tree] I'll looks out for you, ok?

Rachel:
You're a gem, Sarah. [spits] F***! Can't stop spitting tonight.

[after Rachel accidentally got sent to a different world to find a toilet, he met an old naked guy painting a picture]

Rachel:
Alright.

Old Naked Guy:
Oh, this is quite incredible! I have been here for 4,000 years painting this one single masterpiece and you have appeared right when I finished the last stroke. There must be some great meaning to this.

Rachel:
...What?

Old Naked Guy:
Wait a moment. I dreamt this would happen as well. And I also dreamt I would walk over to you. And I would hold your hand.

Rachel:
Uh, no, thanks.

Old Naked Guy:
And we would step into the painting together.

[Rachel and the Old Naked Guy go inside the painting before the portrait breaks from the outside world]

Rachel:
How are we gonna get back?

Old Naked Guy:
I don't know. I didn't dream that part.

[Sarah calls the police to find her friend, Rachel]

Police Officer:
Ok, Sarah, just to get everything right here, your friend Rachel needed to go urinate in the bush and she never came out.

Sarah Bishop:
Yeah. [sniffs] And she's not answering her phone, which is really unlike her. She always answers my calls.

Police Officer:
Ok, well, we'll have a team looking for the rest of the night. We'll give you a call if anything comes up. You don't need to stay here. Go home and get some sleep, love. You can keep the water bottle.

Priest:
We are here to honor Rachel's life. Seeing as no body was ever recovered, we invite you to place any sentimental items you may have into the coffin so the physical embodiment of Rachel may finally be laid to rest.

[Sarah's Mom throws a bag of trash into Rachel's coffin]

Sarah's Mom:
She always loved that trash. [sniffs]

Dark Orange Shirt Guy:
Yeah, I'm currently uh, operating the company from my dad's...

Rachel:
WHAT?

Dark Orange Shirt Guy:
I-I'm just saying I'm operating the company out of my-my dad's com...like, the same one, the building. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good one.

Rachel:
Yeah, ok, cool. I can't really hear ya. I'm gonna go take a selfie. 'Bye!

Dark Orange Shirt Guy:
Oh, yeah, no -- Yeah, no worries. Alright.

[Rachel takes a selfie]

Rachel:
Whoo! At the ute party! [sees 10,000 missed calls from Sarah] Holy f***, I've got 10,000 missed calls. Yay! People love me!

[Sarah finally gets a call from Rachel, after starting a family a couple years ago]

Rachel:
Sarah. I'm at some party in some tree painting or something. You should come! Actually, you know what? I don't know if you could get in. It's, like, so f***ing exclusive.

Sarah Bishop:
I...I thought...you were dead.

Rachel:
Huh? Sorry? The DJ's really loud. He's playing some sick, like, alien bush house. You'd love it, Sarah!

Sarah Bishop:
Rachel. It's been nine years. I have a family now, a baby girl. I...I have a whole different life. Have you been partying for nine years?

Rachel:
Nine years? What? Nah, I've only been here for, like, five minutes, you dumb b*tch. Get a watch, you [bleep].

Sarah Bishop:
I went through so much pain, guilt and heartbreak and you were off partying this whole time?

Rachel:
Huh? Sorry, Sarah. I'm just getting a sausage sizzle.

[while Rachel is singing Bushman Blues while screaming]

Mother with Glasses:
Excuse me! You're way too loud. I didn't mind the music playing, but that girl singing has awoken my baby. I have called the police and they shall be coming soon!

[then the Ute Party People kicked out Rachel and the Old Naked Guy for some strange reason]

Rachel:
Wait. Where are youse going?

Ute Person:
You ruined our party spot! We have to find a new one now! And that one took ages to find!

Ute Person #2:
Thanks a lot, idiot.

Ute Person:
Yeah, thanks a lot, Rachel. You f***ed up our party.

Flying Truck:
[who's carrying the ute party people] Just so you know, I'm not as mad as them. This is just a job for me. I'm sorry. Hope you had fun! 'Bye! [leaves]

Old Naked Guy:
Well, shall I try to paint a way back to the main realm you came from? If you explain it to me, maybe I can try to paint for you.

Rachel:
Nah, I'm gonna find a better party in here...even if it kills me.

Old Naked Guy:
What's your favorite emotion to journal about?

Rachel:
F***ing hell, why do I always get the worst sidekicks? Sarah never talked this much, that b*tch!

[Rachel calls Sarah]

Rachel:
Oi, are you mad at me? 'Cause if you are, that's f***ing stupid. I was just trying to have some fun.

Sarah Bishop:
Um...my husband just died.

Rachel:
I'm trying to call you 'cause I'm a good friend and you're still being a b*tch. What are talking about, you're not married.

Old Naked Guy:
[to Rachel] Remember, time is slower here. You might be talking to your friend, 20 years in the future or so.

Rachel:
Shut up! I'm on the bloody phone!

Sarah Bishop:
Look, I don't know why your pranking me and pretending to be a girl from my past, but I'm having the worst day of my life right now and I just can't handle this. [hangs up]

Rachel:
Oh. I feel weird.

Old Naked Guy:
Oh, wow. Judging by your facial expression, it seems you are experiencing some kind of grief due to empathy.

Rachel:
WHAT? NAH, F*** THAT! We're never gonna find a party. Let's just start a party here. Mosh pit!

[Rachel mosh pit and accidentally stomped on an anthill]

Ant:
What the hell? You destroyed our glorious termite mound. You must be taken to Daddy Termite. He'll know exactly what to do with you.

[Sarah goes to a pottery shop]

Donna:
Oh. Hello there, dear. You're gonna freeze to death out there. Why don't you come inside?

Ethel:
You're gonna freeze to bloody death.

Donna:
I'm Donna. And this is Shelly and Ethel.

Shelley:
Hello.

Ethel:
[screams]

Donna:
What's your name, love?

Sarah:
My name's Sarah.

Donna:
Nice to meet you, Sarah. Have you ever done pottery before?

Sarah:
No, but I wanted to try it to get my mind off some things. I lost my husband recently.

Donna:
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Ethel:
Where'd you put him?

Donna:
Oh, hush, Ethel! Don't mind her, Sarah. She's just a silly old hag.

Ethel:
She's right. I'm 93.

Song:
[singing] Who would've thought that Sarah was gonna pick up pottery in the last episode of YOLO Crystal Fantasy on Adult Swim?

Song Assistant:
It's the last episode of YOLO Crystal Fantasy, everybody! Thank you!

Ant:
Daddy, Daddy! These two stepped on out baby mountain.

Daddy Termite:
You destroyed one of my baby mountains? I guess you could say...I'll never get my baby back, baby back, baby back, yeah!

Ant #2:
I hate-- I hate when he does that.

Ant:
[to Rachel & Old Naked Guy] Oh, sorry, Daddy Termite's been getting really into stand-up comedy lately. Just...just go along with the bit. It's ju-- It's just easier that way.

Daddy Termite:
Before I kill youse, I just wanna do a quick 5-minute set. I've just got some stuff in my head that's been floating around. I just wanna get it out to see if it makes sense, you know?

Mommy Termite:
I can't listen to this again, David! The house is a mess. Why don't you just get on with job and kill these people?

Daddy Termite:
Judy, you don't understand. If this stand-up thing actually gets going, I could be-- I could actually get pretty big. This is my passion. This could actually feed the family.

Mommy Termite:
Your family should be your passion, David.

Kid Termite:
Mummy, Daddy, stop fighting! [cries]

Daddy Termite:
Oh, son, we're not fighting. We're just doing what a husband and wife always does. Getting a divorce! Ha, yeah! Ya d*ckhead!

Mommy Termite:
David! That's not funny! Don't joke about getting a divorce in front of the kids.

Old Naked Guy:
Uh. excuse me, if I may interject for a moment, Mr. Daddy Termite Mound, I can see you have some potential in comedy, but it's creating a rift between you and your family. Have you ever thought even if you achieve your greatest dreams that you might not have a family to come home to?

Daddy Termite:
Oh, wow, I've never thought about that before. I don't wanna lose you, babe.

Mommy Termite:
Oh, I don't wanna lose you either. I do wanna support your passions, David, but we need you at home.

Daddy Termite:
Oh, f***, I love you so much, Judy. Let's never fight again!

[after Rachel & Old Naked Guy get catapulted to the hell rock party, they saw a shell with a note on it]

Rachel:
What the f*** is this? This isn't a concert.

Old Naked Guy:
Oh, there must be some meaning to this. Wait! We are seeing a hell rock concert.

Rachel:
What the f*** are you on about?

Old Naked Guy:
I-I get it now! "See hell", "Seashell". "Rock Con" because this is all a con. And "Cert...tificate". Oh, I get it now! You can't change anyone in this world no matter how hard you try.

Rachel:
Oh, f*** this. I give up. I'm not looking for a party anymore. I'm gonna go get a schnitzel burger from that Chickengong.

[a Chickengong place that randomly appear in the desert out of nowhere]

[Rachel heads to Chickengong to get a schnitzel burger]

Employee:
Sorry. We're closed.

Rachel:
Look, I've had the worst night of my life. I just want one f***ing chicken schnitzel burger! [throws the employee]

Rachel:
Gimme one chicken schnitzel burger and a large chips.

Employee #2:
Sorry. We're closing. The-The till's already been counted.

Employee #3:
We're shut.

Rachel:
Just gimme f***ing one schnitty burger!

Manager:
Oi! Excuse me, love. We're closed! How about you stop being so bloody rude to my employees?

Rachel:
I just want --

Manager:
Never met anyone so rude and disrespectful in my life. You're a disGRACE!

[Rachel sadly leaves]

Old Naked Guy:
Oh, sorry for bothering you.

Manager:
Wait a second. Hey, you!

Old Naked Guy:
Huh? Me?

Manager:
Yeah. You. Come here for a sec.

[Manger sees Old Naked Guy's hands]

Manager:
Bloody hell. Never thought I'd see the day. You've got chicken schnitzel hands, mate.

Old Naked Guy:
Oh, what do you mean?

Manager:
These hands are perfect to craft my chicken schnitzel burger. How'd you like to come work for me? You'll make me a mint!

Old Naked Guy:
You know what? I think I could see myself working here. [gasps] Maybe this is what I was meant to find on this journey. You know, I was working on my own for too long. I became isolated in a shell of paranoia and ego. I need a work family so I can play my part as a team member. Yes, that's it! Oh, enlightenment achieved. Perfect Painter Evolution! Ohh! [turns blue]

Employee #3:
Did that c*** just turn blue?

Manager:
[to Rachel] You're telling me you didn't appreciate this talented young gentleman? That's it. Get the f*** out of here.

[Rachel calls Sarah who's almost about to be dead after 62 years]

Rachel:
Sarah, it's Rachel! Hey, you were right. There was no other parties. Listen, I'm sinking in quicksand right now. Uh, what do I do?

Sarah Bishop:
I'm sorry. I can't really hear on the phone. Who's this?

Rachel:
What? It's Rachel! You f***ing dog.

Sarah Bishop:
I'm sorry, love. I just can't hear ya. I can't hear much these days. But, you know, I had a good life. I had a beautiful family, found my passion in pottery and made millions. But...I had a friend when I was young and we had so many adventures together. And sure, it wasn't all good because she was kind of a toxic b*tch, but in the end, I had a lot of fun with her. Probably the most fun I ever had. [dies]

Rachel:
Sarah?

Rachel:
[realizes] I guess I was a bit of a toxic b*tch.

[when a tear from Rachel's eye after realizing she's a toxic b*tch, she broke out free and get transported to another different dimension meeting someone]

Queen Ultra Violet:
Oh, you finally bloody did it, Rachel, you silly goose.

Rachel:
Who are you?

Queen Ultra Violet:
Oh, Rachel! I'm Queen Ultra Violet. Duh! I'm kind of like a DMT elf, but, like, a feminine goddess one, you know?

Queen Ultra Violet:
I've been waiting for you to profess your love to Sarah this whole time. Took you long enough, didn't it?

Rachel:
What? Nah, I never said I love her!

Queen Ultra Violet:
You didn't have to say it, Rachel, you quirky b*tch. It was pretty f***ing obvious. You love Sarah!

Rachel:
Even if I did love her, it doesn't matter now.

Queen Ultra Violet:
Look, it's just gonna be too cringe to explain it to you, Rachel. It was nice to meet you. Bye!

[after Rachel's purpose with QUV realizing that Rachel being a b*tch, and loves Sarah by heart, she got sent back to the real world for another chance with Sarah]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, there you are. I was about to come looking for you. Did you go pee?

Rachel:
Yeah, yeah.

Sarah Bishop:
Are you okay?

Rachel:
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Rachel:
Hey, um...before we go, I just wanted to say, um... [mumbling]

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Rachel:
[mumbling] I love you.

Sarah Bishop:
I don't know what you're saying.

Rachel:
I love you, okay?

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, um, I -- I love you too, Rachel.

Rachel:
Okay, yeah. Let's go, let's go.

Floating Old Guy Head with Cool Glasses:
YOLO: Silver Destiny, episode 1, same show, different name or something. [explodes]

Sarah Bishop:
Hi! Uh, can I get a water? Thanks.

Bartender:
Yeah, no worries, love. Uh, that'll be $12.50.

Sarah Bishop:
Really? Uh, okay.

Rachel:
[slurring] Oi, come back to the dance floor, you dog! We're doing SHOTS!

Sarah Bishop:
I'll be back soon! I just need some water. I don't want to get too drunk!

Rachel:
Oh, come on. Don't be such a p*ssy, Sarah. Just have one gong shot! They were FREEEEE!

[Sarah drinks the shot]

Sarah Bishop:
UGH! What is this?

Rachel:
Dunno. That guy in the corner gave 'em to me.

Hooded Guy:
I did spike them, but it's only because I love seeing other people have fun, honestly.

[as Sarah and Rachel got drunk and dance for fun in the nightclub]

Sarah Bishop:
Let's party forever!

Bartender:
This isn't even a nightclub. It's my house.

[when the nun sees Sarah and Rachel passed out after coming from a party last night]

Sister Morrison:
What is going on here?! Well, well, well. Sarah and Rachel. I should have known this is how you were going to turn out.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. We had a wild night...partying. We're -- We're leaving now, though.

Sister Morrison:
And still hanging ar-r-round this Rachel, are we? She's a demon, Sarah. She's a demon.

Rachel:
Oi. [spits out purple acid] Nah, I guess you're right.

Rachel:
[bleep] I added so many [bleep] on Facebook last night. Look at this d*ckhead. I think he was a bricklayer or something. Had a pretty good conversation, actually.

Sarah Bishop:
I'm still mortified, Rachel. I can't believe our old principal saw us like that.

Rachel:
Oh, who gives a f***, Sarah? That b*tch is probably just jealous of our f***ing sick lifestyle. [cough, spits]

Sarah Bishop:
[sighs] Sister Morrison's right. We haven't changed.

Rachel:
Shut the f*** up, Sarah.

Rachel:
F*** yeah! Sausage Sizzle! Let's get some f***ing brekkie! I'm starving.

Sarah Bishop:
[sighs] No. I just want to crawl into bed and watch, like, a movie something.

Rachel:
Sausage Sizzle for brekkie! [trips] You didn't see that, did ya?

Sarah Bishop:
No, I was just looking at that tree over there.

Rachel:
Okay, good.

[as Sarah and Rachel sees the Sausage Sizzle, it was actually a hippie family with a beautiful garden]

Rachel:
Oh, this is [bleep]. Sorry, Sarah. Yeah, we can go home.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. I've never seen such a beautiful garden before.

[suddenly the sisters who made the garden showed up from the bushes]

Sister 1:
Hello. I am Sister One.

Sister 2:
And I am Sister Two. Thank you for coming to our backyard...

Both Sisters:
Vegan Sausage Sizzle.

Rachel:
UGH! VEGAN?! Seriously, let's get the f*** out of here, Sarah!

[after Sarah sees the Sisters' beautiful garden]

Sarah Bishop:
What is this place? It's magical.

Sister 2:
Sister One, would you like to answer this?

Sister 1:
Yes, Sister Two, I think I can. We founded this little backyard commune back in 1972.

Sister 2:
1973, actually. I don't mean to embarrass you, but just to be accurate.

Sister 1:
Thank you, Sister Two, I appreciate and welcome you correcting me.

Sister 1:
It all started on a hot and creamy summer day in 1973. While Father was yelling at the tv again on a Saturday about the footy, we were looking into each other's eyes in the backyard, playing what some call "The Staring Game".

Sister 1:
It seemed to go on forever, and then it happened. We both said it.

Both Young Sisters:
Let's start a spiritual mecca right here in the backyard. [gasp]

Young Sister 2:
And kiss. I mean, yeah, no just the first thing we said. Yes, just the first thing.

Sister 1:
And that is how it all...

Sister 2:
[interrupt] Began --

Sister 1:
...started.

Sister 2:
-- Started, yes.

Sister 2:
Would you like a yummy vegan sausage sizzle sandwich, Rachel?

Rachel:
[punches the sandwich] No! I hate that [bleep], and I hate you. And I hate your dumb [bleep] sister. AAH!

Sister 2:
Ah, yes, hatred. A pure and natural emotion, which I welcome. Well, if you don't like us, maybe you'd like out brothers -- The Brothers instead.

Ian:
Hi, Rachel. We're the Brothers. Commune Brothers. I'm Ian, the drum lord.

Christopher:
And I'm Christopher. Would you like a hug, Mademoiselle Rachel? Huggies!

[Rachel shoves Christopher before he was about to hug her]

[while Sister 1 shows Sarah their garden]

Sarah Bishop:
I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life. Did you grow all this yourself?

Sister 1:
Yes, with a lot of love and care...and homemade fertilizer.

Ian:
Yeah, I basically make my own kombucha. Grew my own SCOBY from another SCOBY It's a whole process. I can send you link, actually, on messenger, if you fling over your Facey to me.

Rachel:
Ugh, smells like [bleep]. Give me some.

Christopher:
Here you go. It's hibiscus elderberry.

[Rachel drinks the hibiscus elderberry]

Rachel:
Ugh. Frickin' hell. I feel...natural. [while showing a pretty face expression]

Ian:
Yeah, that's probiotics for ya. [snorts]

Sister 1:
Everyone, it's time. Time for the healing bonfire of wisdom. Come along, everyone, onto Snuggles, our enlightened guide. The campfire is quite a way down the backyard so we need to have a bit of a ride on Snuggles, the creature I just mentioned.

[as the gang head to the campfire after riding on Snuggles]

Snuggles:
[to the viewers] My name is Snuggles and I cannot leave this place.

[Sarah finds her destiny]

Blue Ga:
I am Blue Ga, the purple fire god. And you, Sarah, you know what you must do. You must grow your own garden. I bless you with the aura of nature.

Sarah Bishop:
Okay. I will. For sure.

Blue Ga:
Alright. See ya.

[after Sarah's destiny was over, Rachel finds hers next]

Blue Ga:
Rachel, you mustn't --

Rachel:
Where the [bleep] am I? Who the [bleep] are you

Blue Ga:
I am Blue Ga, the purple fire god. Rachel, this is your destiny if you keep going down this evil path. I shall bless you with the aura of healing to steer you away from this.

[as Blue Ga bless aura to Rachel with his finger, Rachel vomits the same acid of what she did back at St. Mary's school earlier]

Blue Ga:
AAH! Homeade kombucha vomit! My one weakness. How couldn't I see this coming. I'm a God, for God's sakes.

[as Blue Ga dies, Red Ga takes his place]

Red Ga:
Thank you, Rachel, for smiting Blue Ga. We have been trying to do that for thousands of years.

Rachel:
'Kay.

Red Ga:
You must keep striving, Rachel, for your destiny is to dominate as EMPRESS!

Rachel:
[making an evil face] 'Kay.

[as Rachel ruins the Sisters' campfire]

Sister 2:
You -- You eviscerated the fire of Blue Ga!

Sister 1:
That fire has been burning for thousand of years!

Ian:
Oi, what the f***! That was our God!

Christopher:
Yeah, what the hell.

Ian:
That was, like, the whole reason we have the spiritual mecca.

Christopher:
What an idiot.

Sarah:
Wait. I'm sorry. I don't understand what happened. One minute, I was having a wonderful dream, and now--

[the Sisters' and Brothers' plus the other vegan folk pulled out their guns]

Rachel:
SARAH, SHUT THE F*** UP AND RUN!

[as Sarah and Rachel leaves the Sisters' backyard immediately, the Sisters then became serious]

Sister 1:
[manly Texas voice] Made off! Well... [spits] ...we'll wait for sundown and get the dogs to sniff out their scent.

Sister 2:
[manly Texas voice] Yeah, what's comin' for 'em is gonna get 'em. [spits]

[when Sarah went back to her house after escaping the Sisters' backyard]

Sarah's Mom:
Oh, hello, Sarah. Did you have a nice night?

Sarah Bishop:
Um, yeah, overall, it was quite nice.

Sarah's Dad:
YOU SMELL LIKE CIGARETTES, SARAH.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, i-it's 'cause I was at a bonfire.

Sarah's Dad:
Oh, okay, 'cause I was just gonna ask you if I could bum one off to you. [chuckles] I'm just kidding, Sarah. Calm down. [annoyed] Alright, no, I won't make any more jokes. That's it. No more jokes. If no one's gonna laugh at them, just forget about it. Just forget about it. No more. That's it. Say nothing.

Sarah Bishop:
[to herself] Yeah. I've never had something. This will be my something. I'm gonna grow a garden and stuff. This is a nice time to light my vanilla candle to celebrate this decision.

Rachel:
[far away] JUST SHUT UP, SARAH! I'M FANTASIZING OVER HERE!

Rachel:
[to herself] Empress Rachel. Yeah, that does actually sound pretty sick.

Sarah's Dad:
Sarah, I know you want to start your own garden, so I dug me old B L O O D & B O N E from the garage. Thought you could use some B L O O D & B O N E.

Sarah:
Uh, it's alright, Dad, the YouTube video I just watched said I could use Wollongong soil 'cause apparently it's very nutritious.

Sarah's Dad:
[annoyed] Alright, fine, fine. Forget I said anything about the B L O O D & B O N E. I guess you don't need the B L O O D & B O N E for your garden. Yep, I was just trying to help, but I guess you don't want any help from me. [throws the Blood & Bone soil away into the sky]

Sarah's Dad:
F*** you, Sarah.

Sharon Bishop:
SARAAAH! [while crawling like a spider]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, hey, Sis! Oh, my god! I haven't seen you in months. How was Portugal?

Sharon Bishop:
YES, IT WAS LOVELY! THANK YOU! I RENTED AN AIRBNB IN PORTUGAL -- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? I'M TALKING!

Sarah Bishop:
Uh, sorry.

Sharon Bishop:
...in Portugal to write my novel, but I met a man, and we had a coronavirus romance! Now we are getting MARRIED!

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god! Congratulations! That's incredible, Sharon!

Sharon Bishop:
Thank you! That is why I have come! You and Mum and Dad are invited to my wedding on Planet Bali TONIIIGHT! Here is the pretty invitation I made on Photoshop!

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, yeah. It's very pretty.

Sharon Bishop:
See you all there TONIIIIIGHT! [ascends as she turn into objects while floating in the sky disappearing]

Crow:
F***in' hell, she was loud.

Sarah Bishop:
Hey, Sharon just dropped around to invite us to her wedding. She's getting married on Planet Bali.

Sarah's Dad:
Who's Sharon?

Sarah Bishop:
My sister? Your daughter?

Sarah's Dad:
Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Sarah Bishop:
So, you guys coming?

Sarah's Dad:
Nah. [chillaxing as he tries to open up a can of beer]

[Sarah sees her Mom passing out]

Sarah Bishop:
Is Mom alright?

Sarah's Dad:
[slowly turns his head at his wife aggressively] Yeah, she'll be alright.

[Sarah slowly walks away from her house after what she just witness]

[while Lucas makes a sword for Rachel]

Rachel:
Hurry up. How long is this gonna take?

Lucas:
Now, now, Rachel, blade-smithing is a delicate process. These forging techniques span thousands of years. We mustn't disgrace the steel gods of Gwentalia.

Rachel:
Shut the f*** up, man. Is this nearly done?

Lucas:
Yep, here you go. These Lucas blades go like hotcakes on my Etsy, so you are very privileged to get one this quick, in my opinion.

Rachel:
F*** yeah. This is definitely my new look.

Lucas:
I know you just commissioned me to make this blade, but may I ask what your intentions are with it?

Rachel:
I had a vision at some stupid, f***ing backyard hippie party. [spits] Saw myself as, like, an empress or some sh*t holding a sword. I guess I always wanted this for myself, but I never realized I could make it into a reality till now.

Rachel:
Alright, now shut up!

Sarah Bishop:
Hey, Rache-- Oh. Hi, Lucas.

Lucas:
Oh, hello, Sarah. You look rather beautiful and sun kissed today.

Sarah Bishop:
Thanks. I've been gathering. I'm kind of, like, a gardener now.

Lucas:
Oh, that's so cool! Personally I like tech stuff, but nature is cool, too. I enjoy the fractal element.

Rachel:
[to Sarah] What do you want?

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my sister Sharon is getting married on Planet Bali. Did you want to come? Could be fun.

Rachel:
Yeah, alright, but I'll warn ya, I get pretty emotional at weddings.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, really? I didn't know that.

Rachel:
Yeah, something about two people finding each other against all odds gets me going. And the free drinks.

Lucas:
[to Sarah] Oh, you're going to a wedding? I love weddings! But alas, I wasn't invited. So I shall listen to sad music and walk home...alone.

[while Lucas slowly walking home listen to sad music]

Sarah Bishop:
You can come if you want.

Lucas:
[stops walking] YAAAAY! I know you two are usually the feminine duo, but I sense a new vibe for us. We're a trio! And I shall now write our theme song in my head.

Lucas:
[repeated singing] Lucas, and Rachel, Sarah.

Rachel:
I haven't seen your sister in ages. Remember when we used to get f***ed up and bash people at Wollongong Train Station?

Sarah Bishop:
Um, that was just you two.

[as Sarah goes into Sharon's wedding]

Big Crab Bouncer:
[to Rachel] Oi, can't come in with that sword.

Rachel:
It's my new look. I'm not gonna use it. Calm down.

Big Crab Bouncer:
Sorry, love. No weapons allowed.

Rachel:
Ugh, fine. Whatever. [to Lucas] Oi, stay out here and mind my sword.

Lucas:
[to the Big Crab Bouncer] We're a trio.

Big Crab Bouncer:
Uh-huh. Can you wait away from me, mate?

Crab Priest:
Do you Sharon, take this, whatever it is, to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Sharon Bishop:
I DOOO!

Crab Priest:
Crab-tastic. You may now kiss?

[as Sharon lifts up the husband's face cloth, its revealed that Peleeken will be Sharon's husband]

Sarah Bishop:
Peleeken? That the guy from the Bush Doof.

Rachel:
[crying] F***! Sorry. It's just so beautiful. It's like a f***ing fairy tale.

Sharon Bishop:
Sarah! You made it!

Sarah Bishop:
Of course. Congratulations! I didn't know you were marrying Peleeken. Rachel and I know him.

Sharon Bishop:
Thank you, yes! We met on my 30th birthday. I was partying at Portugal Club in Portugal! All my friends were passed out but then I look across the room, and there he was -- Peleeken! I knew right then and there we had to get married!

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
Yes, I never believed in love at first sight before I saw --

Sharon Bishop:
SHUT UP! I'M TELLING THE STORY!

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
Sorry, dear.

Heather #3:
[chuckles] That was so awkward.

Heather #1:
Yeah, how long do you give it?

Heather #3:
Like two months.

Sarah Bishop:
You really want a photo of me holding hands with your husband?

Sharon Bishop:
Yes, this is beautiful! We are breaking jealousy norms!

[as the photo taker uses the Polaroid camera to take the photo of Sarah holding hands with Peleeken and the others, the photo snaps and sucks them into the picture]

Sharon Bishop:
I did it! I have the best wedding photo of all time! My guests are trapped here forever! [to the Heathers] THIS BEATS ALL YOUR SH*T WEDDING PHOTOS!

Heather #3:
Oh, my god, what a try-hard.

Heather #1:
I know, and it's still a crappy photo.

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
Please, let my friends go. Oh, this is just awful.

Sharon Bishop:
[deep voice] Quiet, puny husband Now that I have my photo with all the guests inside, the whole world will love me as -- As the coolest birde ever.

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
Sharon, I'm sorry I kicked you, but you we're becoming a scary bride. But...you're still my wife and I love you.

[as Peleeken kiss Sharon, Sharon activate her good side]

Sharon Bishop:
[normal voice] P-Peleeken?

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
SHARON! YOU'RE ALIVE!

Sharon Bishop:
I don't know what came over me. The wedding, the bridesmaids. I guess it all sent me a bit crazy.

Peleeken Mischief Maker:
That's okay, darling. I understand. You were just stressed. OH! I've got an idea. Let's go on an Airbnb honeymoon and cheese and crackers and binge epic TV shows. YAAAY!

Heather #3:
Yeah, this was the most cringest wedding ever.

Heather #1:
Yeah, I know, and the food was sh*t, too.

[while Rachel is on the floor on her own vomit]

Rachel:
[groans] That was so beautiful. F***! I'm so horny now. [retches]

Mermaid:
Did you win your maiden?

Lucas:
No, it's hopeless. Even after saving her, she still doesn't care for me.

Mermaid:
You know, I pity you, Lucas, and it's kind of funny watching you try to win over this plain woman. So I suppose I can give you the recipe to the ancestors' ancient love potion. But I warn you -- Nobody has ever successfully gathered the ingredients. I don't even know how powerful it is.

Lucas:
Hmm. Alchemy. I don't think so.

Mermaid:
Well, hold onto them just in case.

Lucas:
...Okay.

Sarah Bishop:
These tomatoes are going really well. Surprisingly I haven't even mulched them.

Rachel:
[looking at her phone] Uh-huh.

Sarah Bishop:
And I actually grew this basil from a cutting. Do you want to try some?

Rachel:
Uh, about 6:00.

Sarah Bishop:
Look, if you're so bored by my garden, maybe some of my other friends might actually support me.

Rachel:
You don't have any other friends.

Sarah Bishop:
Stacie's my friend.

Rachel:
Remember when I dug up a dead dog and put it in her car on muck-up day? That was sick.

Sarah Bishop:
Yeah, actually that was really mean.

Rachel:
Oh, come on! Everyone loved it. And it was 12 years ago. She would have gotten over it by now.

Sarah Bishop:
Wow. Has it really been 12 years since high school?

Rachel:
Yeah. And look how far we've come. [poorly spits]

Sarah Bishop:
You know what? That what we should do to tonight. Let's have a little impromptu reunion. [texts on her phone] "Heyyy guys! Long time no see haha. Small gathering tonight @ mine. Would luv 2 catch up! Love heart". This will be so much fun. I can't wait to show off my new garden.

Rachel:
Shut the f*** up, Sarah.

Lucas' Computer:
Social media notification. You have just been invited to Wollongong High School reunion by Sarah.

Lucas:
Sarah invited me? This is it! This could be the night I finally get my kissies!

Sarah Bishop:
I'm having a small gathering tonight. Do you maybe wanna come?

Winged Bat Guy:
Sure. As long as your party can handle a handsome "wingman" like me. [does a rock hand sign while making a weird face with his tongue]

Sarah Bishop:
Um, I don't...I don't get it.

Winged Bat Guy:
'Cause, like, I've got wings, you know, or, or...

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, no, totally. Oh, my god. That's so funny. You're so funny. [nervous laugh]

Winged Bat Guy:
Wait. Wait. Wait. Shut the f*** up for a second. Wait. Hold on. [presses record on his phone]

Winged Bat Guy:
[scatting & singing] Tomato, garden, brown-haired girl.

Winged Bat Guy:
Sorry. When my musical inspiration hits me, I have to get it down on voice memo.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, wow. You're a musician, too?

Winged Bat Guy:
Yeah, kind of a protocol. No big deal. Anyway, yeah, I'll see you tonight. Bye-bye -- Or even, "Bat-bye". [close up face] See ya.

[Winged Bat Guy poorly flies away with his tiny wings]

Rat Man:
So, Sarah, what have you been up to?

Sarah Bishop:
Well, while you're all getting married and having kids, I've been giving birth to this garden. And I've actually got a boyfriend, too, who's coming soon. He's a musician.

Eye-Bagged Girl & Tiny Angel:
[in unison] That's cool. Do you and Rachel still hang out? No offense, but she was kind of scary.

Ponytail Green Shirt Girl:
Yeah, f*** her, man! I hated her!

Sarah Bishop:
Really? I thought everyone liked her.

Rat Man:
Nah. We actually all distanced ourselves from ya since ya hang around her so much.

Rat Man:
Cool party though, Sarah.

Rachel:
[on phone] Yeah, and I just rolled up to that sh*t party. Yeah, alright. Later. [hangs up]

Sarah Bishop:
Who was that?

Rachel:
Dunno. Just dialed some random number.

Stacie:
Oh, hi, Rachel.

Rachel:
[straining] Oh, hi, Stacie. How are you? Are you still working as a checkout chick?

Stacie:
[chuckles] No. I'm a neurosurgeon now.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Stacie:
Yeah, it's long hours, but I'm lucky that Dave stays home with the kids. And honestly, it's not even about the six-figure salary. It's about the connection I make with my patients.

Sarah Bishop:
[jealous] Cool. I have a garden.

[doorbell rings]

Sarah Bishop:
That must be my boyfriend.

[bunch of random party people showed up in Sarah's house]

Rachel:
Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell ya. I invited a bunch of random d*ckheads.

Jayden:
You ladies, watch this. [punches his face] Impressed?

Rachel:
That's nothing. Check this out. [punches her face brutally]

Jayden:
You punch yourself in the head, too?

Rachel:
Yep. Been doing it since I was a kid.

Jayden:
Well, this is gonna sound weird, but do you want to be friends with me?

Rachel:
Yeah, I guess so. You can be the first member of my army. I'm gonna be an empress.

Jayden:
Yeah, whatever.

Sarah Bishop:
[to Jayden] I don't know who you are, but you're gonna have to leave.

Rachel:
Nah, he's cool! He's with me! You can stay, Jayden.

Jayden:
[mutters while giving the middle fingers]

[after Rachel invited a bunch of random party people in Sarah's house]

Sarah's Dad:
WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE, SARAH?

Sarah Bishop:
Sorry. I'm trying to get rid of them.

Sarah's Dad:
No, I'm just surprised. I didn't realize you had that many friends. Let's get this party started! [rips his shirt]

Sarah's Dad:
[groans] Jesus. I stood up too fast. Alright. I'll get the fire pit goin'.

Rachel:
Oi. You want to come to my house and play Ogre Kart 64?

Jayden:
You're lying. Ogre Kart's not even out yet.

Rachel:
Got a burnt copy from Planet Bali.

Jayden:
You f***ing legend.

[meanwhile where Rachel and Jayden play Ogre Kart 64]

Jayden:
My f***ing ogre is lapping your sh*t ogre. I'm about to be the king of Ogre Kart 64!

[Rachel grabs Jayden's controller and smashes it]

Rachel:
I win.

Jayden:
What?! No, I won fair and square! [sobs and crawls away like a child] You're mean! Big meanie!

[Stacie plays her flute]

Sarah Bishop:
[to her friends] Have you guys met my boyfriend?

Winged Bat Guy:
Sarah, can you be quiet for a sec? I'm trying to listen to the music.

Lucas:
Step away from her this instant! I'm the one that deserves Sarah! I've been wooing her for ages!

Winged Bat Guy:
Oh, I know. I did it to hurt you like you once hurt me. As soon as I saw you were attending this event, I know it was my time to strike.

Lucas:
Huh? What do you mean? I've never met you.

Winged Bat Guy:
Don't you remember me from high school, Lucas? Don't you remember our...little games?

[flashback intensifies where Teen Lucas and Winged Bat Guy plays a Dungeons and Dragons like game]

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
Lucas, you're drowning. What do you want to do?

Teen Lucas:
Hmm. Is there any driftwood?

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
You see a door floating nearby.

Teen Lucas:
I reach out for it.

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
I allow you a strength check to see if you pull yourself up.

Teen Lucas:
[rolls the dice] Success.

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
You've done it. You seize the door, you clamber on, and it's keeping you afloat. Now you notice that Fiona, my lady love, is within arm's reach. She's drowning too. What do you do?

Teen Lucas:
Hmm. Is there room on the door for two people?

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
Yes. Yes, there is.

Teen Lucas:
Hmm. How much does Fiona weigh?

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
What? S-She is of average weight. Average weight for a girl.

Teen Lucas:
Hmm. What is she wearing?

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
[irritated] A dress, man. She's a woman.

Teen Lucas:
You said she was a girl. A woman is heavier than a girl. And dresses get rather weighty when wet.

Teen Winged Bat Guy:
Uh, Fiona is only three feet away, Lucas. She splutters and coughs and reaches for you. You can save her!

Teen Lucas:
Hmm. Sorry. It's too risky. I watch Fiona slip beneath the waves. [thunder crack intensifies]

[flashback ends]

Winged Bat Guy:
Everyone knows it's always story over rules. Just like you didn't care about Fiona, I don't care about Sarah. I care about... [close up serious face] revenge.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Lucas:
Touche, old friend. But what you didn't anticipate is that I've learned some judo tricks on YouTube over the years!

[Lucas and Winged Bat Guy get into a fight while being rotoscoped]

[while Sarah got rejected and cries away after realizing that Winged Bat Guy did all of this just get revenge on Lucas, she met Jayden again]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh. Hey. You okay?

Jayden:
[after crying] No. I've never experienced a person that mean before.

Sarah Bishop:
You mean Rachel?

Jayden:
Yeah, she smashed my controller and kept showing me scary death videos on the internet.

Sarah Bishop:
Yeah, Rachel's been doing that to me for 10 years.

Jayden:
10 years? Why would you be friends with the sh*ttiest person in the world for longer than seconds?

Sarah Bishop:
Uh, well...

Jayden:
Wait. Is that how I make other people feel? That's it! I must mature...as a person! OHHH!

[then Jayden suddenly turns into a healthy, well-mannered business man]

New Jayden:
Wow. I'm grateful I went through the awful experience of meeting Rachel because it helped me grow up. Well, you have a safe night, Sarah. Goodbye. [leaves]

Sarah Bishop:
Wait! Tell me how you did that!

Rachel:
The f*** was that? Are you crying?

Sarah Bishop:
Of course I'm crying. I have no career, no children. My boyfriend dumped me. And Stacie is a neurosurgeon.

Rachel:
So? Who cares? You got your garden, don't ya?

Sarah Bishop:
Yeah, I guess you're right.

Rachel:
Come on, let's go back to the f***ing party.

[meanwhile]

Lucas:
Ah, you fool, Lucas. You never should have attended that party. Oh, it was so HUMILIATING! And all I got was this STUPID WING OF BAT!

[as Lucas thrashes his stuff, he sees the note of love potion ingredients that said "Wing of Bat"]

Lucas:
"Wing of bat"? The first ingredient of the love potion is exactly what I have procured tonight? The chances of that are...

Lucas' Computer:
One in 7.2 trillion.

Lucas:
SILENCE, COMPUTER!

Lucas:
This cannot be more than a mere coincidence, unless -- [gasps] This is my true journey -- To create a love potion to MAKE Sarah love me.

Lucas:
Yes, it all makes sense now. Sarah has a garden. Rachel wants to be an empress. And I, Lucas, will be an ALCHEMIST! [laughs evilly] This is my destiny!

Chimothee Talamet:
New York, New York. It's a hell... [sigh] of a town.

[sees a shooting star]

Chimothee Talamet:
Huh. A shooting star. I wish I had someone to share that moment with. [spits]

[when Sarah sleeps while watching the movie, she suddenly became stuck in a glass rectangular cube in the museum inside the movie]

Fancy Man #1:
Wow. What an evocative piece of art. It has -- So many -- Layers -- To it.

Fancy Man #2:
I know exactly what you mean. As a New York American citizen, I consider this art f-f-f-f-f-friggin' awesome sauce.

Sarah Bishop:
What the hell? Where am I?

Fancy Man #1:
Oh, it speaks as well. Amazing.

Fancy Man #2:
Ah, I'm so jealous I didn't think of this first. It's so evocative and -- OH F***! GODDAMN IT! AHHHH! [leaves]

Fancy Man #1:
Hey, come on. Just relax! Just relax.

Fancy Man #2:
[intense screaming]

[when Chimothee Talamet and Sarah meet each other]

Chimothee Talamet:
Hey, this gonna sound crazy. I want to take you on and adventure, but I'm too afraid to ask. Oh, wait. I suppose I just did.

Rachel:
[slurred] Oi, Sarah. I've had about seven tequila milk slammers, and I'm hungry for a chicken parm. Let's go get one.

The Puppeteer:
Oh. Hello, Rachel. I've been expecting you. I'm a big fan.

Rachel:
Who are you?

The Puppeteer:
[squeals] I have many names. [normal voice] Sorry about that.

The Puppeteer:
But I -- You can call me The Puppeteer. I craft Sarah's dreams.

Rachel:
Okay. Can you just wake her up? I need her to drive me to get a chicken parma.

The Puppeteer:
I'm afraid I cannot, Rachel, for I am creating Sarah's most illuminating and life-changing dream yet -- A date with her ideal partner. [to his assistant] What was it?

Dream Employee Guy:
That was him.

Rachel:
Bet you she'll f*** it up. Sarah's sh*t at dates.

The Puppeteer:
I accept your bet, Rachel. If Sarah mucks up this date as you said, then I'll wake her up, as you wish. But if she kisses her dream man, you must leave Sarah alone, FOREVER!

Rachel:
[grabs beer under her skirt and drinks it] You got yourself a deal.

[while Rachel watching Sarah's dream of the relationship with Chimothee Talamet]

Rachel:
Jesus. What a d*ckhead! Come on, Sarah. Vote him out. Kick him off the island.

Sarah Bishop:
And as it turns out gardening has really helped me discover my passion of helping things grow. It's almost like, in nurturing others, I'm nurturing myself.

Chimothee Talamet:
[doesn't care] Yeah, totally.

Chimothee Talamet:
My god. Look.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, cool. Nice couch.

Chimothee Talamet:
This is a chaise. And chaises like these have history. Just imagine me curling up with my favorite Bukowski in a simple red on this chaise.

Rachel:
[to Chimothee in Sarah's dream] Shut up.

Chimothee Talamet:
She needs to come home with me.

Sarah Bishop:
But, like, how are we gonna move it?

[suddenly a skateboarder appears]

Skateboard Guy:
[to Sarah] You know what? I just realized I don't like skateboarding anymore. Here.

The Puppeteer:
[to Rachel] Just a little deus ex machina. [chuckles]

Rachel:
Oi! That's cheating!

The Puppeteer:
I would appreciate if you didn't critique my creative writing. [claps in sync] Please do better.

[while Sarah's asleep, Lucas arrives at her window]

Lucas:
Just need a locket of my lover's hair for my glorious love potion. Oh, what could my sweet be dreaming about? Is it me?

[Sarah pushes the chaise that Chimothee Talamet is sitting on]

Chimothee Talamet:
Doesn't this feel like fate, Sarah?

Sarah:
[tired] Yeah. Could we maybe...take a little break?

Chimothee Talamet:
You, me, this chaise on a perfect New York City adventure.

Rachel:
No!

Chimothee Talamet:
And away we go again.

Song:
I got my girl, and I got my chaise. We are so perfect together. Especially me, I wrote this song. I am a genius, yeah.

[after hearing Chimothee Talamet song]

Rachel:
Oh, my god, that sucked.

The Puppeteer:
[sniffs] I actually thought it was very romantic.

The Puppeteer:
Don't you think Sarah's better off without you?

Rachel:
NO! WE'RE F***ING BESTIES!

[as Rachel destroys objects inside Sarah's brain, Sarah felt a bit of stings in her head in the dream which revealed to be Rachel inside Sarah's brain while in the dream]

The Puppeteer:
No, Rachel, stop! Sarah never dreams anymore because of YOU!

Rachel:
That's 'cause she's too busy having fun with me!

The Puppeteer:
Exactly! I haven't been able to craft a dream in years. [close-up face] Late-night partying, the drinking, the drama!

Rachel:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I F***ING HATE DRAMA!

Chimothee Talamet:
One day we'll tell our kids about this chaise, how it brought us together. A MacGuffin of romance.

Sarah Bishop:
What's a MacGuff--

Chimothee Talamet:
[interrupts] Sarah, I've been thinking. I want you to stay here with me, in New York City. Taika Watiti did it.

The Puppeteer:
Sarah's not going to be your puppet anymore, Rachel.

Rachel:
F*** this! I'm gonna wake her up myself!

[Rachel rips The Puppeteer's microphone]

The Puppeteer:
No! My favorite vintage microphone!

Rachel:
[uses to microphone to contact Sarah in the dream] SARAH! OI! SARAH, WAKE UP! YOU'RE IN A F***ING DREAM!

Sarah Bishop:
Do you hear that?

Chimothee Talamet:
[chuckles] What? You're so weird.

Sarah Bishop:
I swear it sounds just like Rachel.

Chimothee Talamet:
Shh. Don't speak her name. She doesn't want the best for you. I've seen this before in other female friendships.

[after Sarah dropped Baby Rachel out the window]

Chimothee Talamet:
Wow. That was wild. Are you okay?

Sarah Bishop:
I JUST KILELD A BABY VERSION OF MY BEST FRIEND.

Chimothee Talamet:
...I love it when you're not okay.

[as Chimothee Talamet and Sarah were about to kiss]

Director:
And cut!

Chimothee Talamet:
[throws up in a bucket] Oh, my god! I can't believe I almost kissed that nasty, disgusting woman.

[after Sarah wakes up from her dream]

Sarah Bishop:
That all felt so real. I'm always so much hotter in my dream.

Rachel:
Oi, you wanna go get a chicken parma?

Sarah Bishop:
Not really.

Rachel:
Here's the keys.

Lucas:
Did you say chicken parmesana?

[Sarah, Rachel, and Lucas get a chicken parm in a restaurant]

Rachel:
I've been waiting so long for this. Oh, god! Yes! YES! YES!

The Puppeteer:
[sees Rachel wildin' out] I'll have what she's having.

Rachel:
OAHHHHHH! That was a good chicken parma.

Sarah Bishop:
It's so hot. I'm trying to manifest a cool change, but the weatherman reckons it's 42 degrees.

Rachel:
I'm gonna bash that [bleep] one day.

Sarah's Dad:
[comes to Sarah's room] You girls decent? No looking, no looking, promise. Just, uh, got a fan for you girls.

Sarah Bishop:
Aww, thanks, Dad.

Sarah's Dad:
Right! I'll be off. Didn't see anything. Did not -- Didn't see anything -- Nothing at all. Nope. Nothing. Didn't see [bleep] [bleep].

[as Sarah turns on the fan, she saw a waterpark commercial]

Beach Guy:
Beat the heat at the Jamberoo Waterpark. We've got the Rock, the Crazy Slide, the other rock, the Wave Pool. Now with tsunami mode [bleep].

[suddenly the Beach Guy got splashed in the Wave Pool, hitting the camera]

Beach Guy:
Jamberoo Waterpark -- Just a hop away on the train line. [does a weak laugh with a realistic close-up face]

Sarah & Rachel:
Jamberooooo.

Lucas:
After toiling away for many moons. I finally finished my glorious time machine. [holds a Sarah photo] How many potential suitors would manipulate time and space for you, my dear?

Lucas:
[imitates Sarah] None, my liege.

Lucas:
Hmm. So I thought.

Lucas:
[sees the ancient love potion note] This love potion requires bones of the megafauna. Fortunately, I have sourced a vendor from a different era. So, back in time I go, to gather my ingredients. Hooray.

Lucas:
Okay, let us test my invention.

[Lucas presses his time machine sending him way back before creating his time machine in the first place]

Lucas:
It worked! Alas, I should have gone back to a time *after* I finished my machine. Ah, Lucas, you fool! [imitates Sarah] You're not a fool. [normal voice] Thank you, my love.

Sarah Bishop:
Ooh, empty carriage. You know, I actually manifested this carriage to be empty, and now it is. I've been learning from "The Mecret".

Rachel:
Can you manifest "Shut the f*** up about that book"?

Lucas:
Fancy seeing you here, ladies. The Mecret is a portmanteau, combining the words "me" -- Meaning "the self", and "secret", meaning "The secret".

Rachel:
What the hell are you doing here?

Lucas:
I'm glad you asked, Rachel. I am on a time quest for a certain ingredient for a certain potion. I needed to be on this train to get to Jamberoo Waterpark...300 million years ago.

[Lucas presses his time machine button to send the train way back 300 million years ago to Jamberoo Waterpark]

Conductor:
Now arriving at Jamberoo 300 Million Years Ago Station.

Lucas:
It worked!

Sarah Bishop:
Lucas? You did this?

Lucas:
[blushed] Why, yes, Sarah. Have I impressed you with my time-traveling prowess?

Sarah Bishop:
Um, not really.

Lucas:
Now, I must side quest to meet the gentleman I met online. But you ladies, stay here and marvel at my time-machine building abilities, please.

Rachel:
Seriously f*** off.

Sarah Bishop:
Do you hear that?

Rachel:
[evil laughs] Sounds like a party.

Emu:
Megafauna of Jamberoo, y'all ready for one last epic part-tay?

Meteor:
Oh, did you say party? Can I come, too?

Emu:
Ugh, shut up. We're having this party because of you. Megafauna, raise a stubby for the final apocalypse party. To the end of the f***ing world! Cheers, lads!

Sarah Bishop:
Rache, what's an apocalypse party?

Meteor:
Hey, can some chuck a cold one in the fridge for me? [laughs] Just kidding. I'm a big ball of fire, so that would not be good for me.

Emu:
Look out, crowd surf up!

[Emu falls off the cliff splatted himself to death]

Meteor:
[chuckles] You're all gonna be squashed like that guy when I hit Earth. That's so weird, hey.

Sarah Bishop:
Rachel, we have to do something.

Rachel:
Skull.

Sarah Bishop:
What?

Rachel:
Nothing.

Sarah Bishop:
[to the creatures] Hello. I am Sarah. I am here from the future.

Fox:
Oh, here we go, now, "to save you from the future".

Sarah Bishop:
But I can save you. [pulls up her book] Behold "The Mecret". I'll use the power of manifestation to save you all from dying.

Kangaroo:
Oh, shut up. That manifestation stuff doesn't work. Already tried it. Never got my f***ing Ferrari.

Rachel:
Oi, do one of you furries have a skull that's, like, a bit pointy and sh*t? [to the fish] What are you supposed to be?

Fish:
You know, it's rude to ask, right?

Sarah Bishop:
When I open my eyes, the comet will be gone.

[opens her eyes]

Meteor:
Hi.

[as Sarah throw her Mecret book into the green ooze, the Mecret come to life]

Mecret:
Sarah, babe.

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. Mecret? You're, like, actually speaking to me.

Mecret:
Ha ha, course, babes. I manifested that you would throw me into that ooze, so I could come talk to you. So, what's up?

Sarah Bishop:
Well, I've been trying so hard to visualize saving the animals, but nothing's working.

Mecret:
Babes, what do I always say? Manifestation isn't about visualization.

Sarah Bishop:
It's about taking action.

Mecret:
Did you just interrupt me?

Sarah Bishop:
Oh. I didn't mean to.

Mecret:
[scoffs] I guess you don't need my help 'cause your own ideas are so amazing. You don't deserve me at all.

[then Mecret became evil and tries to attack Sarah, instead she attack bamboos and wood]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. You're right. Instead of visualizing, I need to build.

Mecret:
Uh, yeah, that's exactly why I almost killed you -- To show you the way. [looks away for split second to see if nobody saw what she did recently]

Megabilby:
Want to do something wild?

Rachel:
Obviously.

Megabilby:
I dare you to eat that old chicken nugget on the ground.

Rachel:
What's that?

Megabilby:
You eat that old piece of meat covered in dirt. I double-dog dare ya. Unless you're a p*ssy.

[Rachels eats the dirty chicken nugget]

Megabilby:
Well, I'm impressed.

Rachel:
[blushed] Whatever.

Rachel:
Now, I dare you to got to the Wave Pool.

Megabilby:
Easy.

Rachel:
On Tsunami mode.

Megabilby:
You psycho b*tch.

[Lucas checks his phone and message a friend online to see if the bones arrived yet]

Lucas:
[texts] "Good sir, I voyage to your meeting location. When might I expect thee"?

Meteor:
You're early, man. I'll be there soon.

Lucas:
Wait, you're FallingAngel667?

Meteor (as FallingAngel667):
Yeah, that's my short name. I'm trying to get more passive income on the side.

Lucas:
Where are the items you advertised?

Meteor (as FallingAngel667):
Yeah, yeah, it's coming. I just got to come down, and kill all the Megafauna. Then, you can get all the bones you want.

Lucas:
Drat. I should've arrived *after* you annihillate all the Megafauna.

Meteor (as FallingAngel667):
Yeah, man. You're five minutes early. In fact, I'll get out of here unless you want to get burned alive.

Lucas:
[dramatic sound] We're all in danger -- [dramatic sound] Including my darling, Sarah. [dramatic sound] Yippee! A rescue quest!

[Sarah builds a boat for the animals in progress]

Mecret:
Yes, babes. Keep going, girl. Who cares if you don't actually know what you're doing?

Sarah:
I'm manifesting self-confidence, self-love, and carpentry skills. [broke her finger while hammering] Could you help me bandage my finger?

Mecret:
Look, babe, I'm, like, super squeamish. But remember, you got this.

[Sarah tries to pulls her broken finger back together]

Sarah:
[screaming]

[as Megabilby does the Wave Pool on Tsunami mode]

Megabilby:
See you in hell, Rachel.

[suddenly Rachel's heart starts to grow a bit]

Rachel:
F*** it. I'm coming in.

[as Sarah almost finished the boat, it then gets splashed out by the Wave Pool]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. This is hopeless.

Mecret:
Come on, babes, remember, obstacles are opportunities in disguise.

Sarah Bishop:
Um, can you maybe just, like, help me a little bit?

Mecret:
[demon voice] NO.

[Sarah finally managed to finish the boat for the animals]

Sarah Bishop:
It's done. Sturdy, totally wave-proof, built with my blood, sweat, and tears. I did it.

Mecret:
[literally didn't do anything but gave speech motivations] Um, more like we did it.

Rachel:
What the f*** is this, Sarah?

Sarah Bishop:
I built an ark to save the animals.

Mecret:
[once again] We built an ark.

Rachel:
How the f*** is a boat gonna stop a comet?

Meteor (as FallingAngel667):
Bet there in 5. Gonna wipe out every living thing on Earth. [laughs]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, whoops. I guess I was so focused on manifesting that I forgot what I was manifesting.

Rachel:
Oh, my god. You are so dumb, Sarah.

Mecret:
Yeah, no offense, Sarah, but that's the stupidest [bleep] I've ever heard.

Mecret:
Oh, my god. I just got DM'd by a deejay with a blue tick and 200,000 followers. I'm out of here. Bye. [leaves to another dimension]

Lucas:
[to Sarah] The comet is coming to wipe out the Megafauna at any moment now.

Meteor (as FallingAngel667):
Hi. Yeah, he's right. I'll be there any second now. Here's a little taste. [shoots tiny fireballs]

Megabilby:
I dare us to jump off this train.

Rachel:
Look, Megabilby, I'm not gonna to lie -- The first time I saw you, I just wanted to steal your skull, 'cause that's how it was in a vision I had where I was empress.

Megabilby:
So that's all I am to you? A skull?

Rachel:
No. I mean, yeah, sort of. But after spending today with you, something changed. Check this out.

[Rachel grabs Megabilby's hand to her chest]

Rachel:
My heartbeat. I legit did not have one before I met you.

Megabilby:
Wow. I can feel it -- And a bit of you boob, too.

[after Lucas presses the time machine button way back to 300 million years to now]

Sarah Bishop:
Rachel, look! We're home! Ew. Is that Megabilby's head. Are you okay?

[then Rachel's heart suddenly explodes into black liquid]

Sarah Bishop:
Oh, my god. I'm sorry, Rachel.

Rachel:
Shut up.

Lucas:
On the bright side, Sarah, while I was out in the plains, I collected some megadung for your garden.

[as some other passengers arrived at the train station]

Passenger:
Ugh, it smells like sh*t in here.

[Sarah moves back from Lucas' where he's holding the bag megadung that shows the stinky smell]