Animaniacs, Season 1

Animaniacs (1993–1998) is an American animated comedy musical television series created by Tom Ruegger. The series premiered on Fox Kids on September 13, 1993. It was moved to Kids' WB on September 9, 1995 and ended on November 14, 1998.

[Cartoon opens up in Hollywood, present day (1993), outside The Psychiatry Building as "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen" plays in the background. Scene changes to inside psychiatrist's office. A WB studio psychiatrist, is on a Chaise lounge couch]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I suppose it would be vise to start at ze very beginning, ja?

Psychaitrist:
[offscreen, in a German accent] Proceeded.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[sighs] I was one of the most successful psychoanalysts in all of Hollywood. 50 years ago, I started work at Varner Brothers. [narrating, as scene changes to Hollywood circa 1953] Ah, Varner Brothers, home to some of ze biggest stars in Hollywood.

[ Humphrey Bogart pulls up to a guard]

Ralph the Guard:
Ah, good morning, Mr. Biggest Star in Hollywood.

Humphrey Bogart:
Morning, sweetheart. [drives into The Warner Bros. Studio.]

[Then Porky Pig pulls up to Ralph]

Ralph:
Uh-ah, morning, Porky.

Porky Pig:
G-G-G-G-Good muh-muh-muh-muh- [an impatient driver honks at him offscreen] All right! All right! [to Ralph] Hello. [drives into The Warner Bros. Studio]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[narrating] Und when the stars had a problem, they came to me.

Young Dr. Scratchansniff:
[to Ronald Reagan ] So, tell me more about these dreams you've been having, Mr. Reagan.

Ronald Reagan:
Well, in my dreams, I'm President of the United States.

[Dr. Scratchansniff looks at the audience and smiled uneasy, as if saying "You heard that too, right?", and writes "Delusions of grandeur, Incurable" in his notepad]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[narrating, as scene changes to a wall of photos of Dr. Scratchansniff with various famous Hollywood celebrities, from black and white to color] For years, the biggest actors told me their problems, their secrets, their pain! Ooh, it was so much fun! Und then, just recently, I had just completed a delightfully intense session with Clint Eastwood. Then...it happened.

Crowd:
[screams offscreen] What is that?! What's going on up there?!

[The Warner Siblings are first shown at the top of the water tower, blowing kisses and waving their hands.]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[narrating] It was them...The Varner Brothers! After years of being locked away in the water tower...they managed to escape!

[The Warner Siblings jump down from the water tower. The crowd panics and scatters as The Warner Siblings run to The Psychiatry Building, running up the front in a circle to Dr. Scratchansniff's window]

Dot:
Did you miss us?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I hardly even know you.

Yakko and Wakko:
We're the Warner Brothers!

Dot:
And the Warner sister!

[They kiss Dr. Scratchansniff on the lips in unison]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Eh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Bleh! [turns to walk away from the window, only to get startled by The Warner Siblings in his office] AAH! Vhat do you vant?

Yakko Alvin Warner:
We asked you first.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Well, I vant-No, you didn't.

Dot:
Well, we meant to.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Do you know who I am?

[The Warners are behind the game booths]

Yakko:
[buzzes the red button] Dr. Otto Scratchansniff, world famous psychoanalyst to the stars?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Correct.

Yakko:
[jumps on Scratchy] I won! I won! What did I win?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Nothing.

Yakko:
Say, what kind of game show is this?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
This isn't a game show!

Yakko:
Well I'll say it isn't. Nobody wins anything. You'll be lucky to be on the air for one week.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[throws Yakko down] NURSE! NURSE!

Hello Nurse:
[comes in] Yes, Dr. Scratchansniff?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[offscreen as Yakko and Wakko's hearts bulge out, pumping, while their eyes turn into black hearts] Get these kids out of here!

Yakko and Wakko:
[turn into wolves] Helloooo Nurse!

[Dot facepalms in annoyance. A red heart space forms around Hello Nurse's head]

Yakko:
[thinks of horse back riding with Hello Nurse] Hah...

Wakko Warner:
[thinks of driving a convertible with Hello Nurse] Huuh...

Dot:
[confused, thinks of boating with Dr. Scratchansniff] Diiiisgusting!

Hello Nurse:
Why don't you cute little kids follow me?

[Hello Nurse leads The Warner Siblings out of Dr. Scratchansniff's office. Yakko and Wakko follow her, floating in the air, in love with her. Dot follows them, walking, awkward]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Und zo, I scheduled an appointment with The Varner Brothers. I'll never forget our first session...

[Hello Nurse leads The Warner Siblings to Dr. Scratchansniff's office while Wakko drums to her footsteps]

Hello Nurse:
The Warner Brothers are here for their 3:00 appointment. You be good little boys.

Yakko and Wakko:
Mmm. [fall their heads down]

[After Hello Nurse left, Yakko and Wakko's tongues popped out while they're in love]

Dot:
[walks over, and pulls their tongues back into their mouths like a window shade; shrugs to the camera] Boys.

Yakko:
[jumps into Scratchy's arms along with Wakko] How you doing, Scratchy?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I take umbrage at that.

Yakko:
Oh, sure. Take all the umbrage. Don't leave any for us.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
No, I mean I take offence.

Yakko:
And you want our fence too? [pulling a wooden plank fence out of nowhere] All right, take it, but that's all. We're tapped out. [gives Dr. Scratchansniff the wooden plank fence]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[throws the wooden plank fence away] I think it's time we got down to business, ja?

Yakko:
[rapping] Now-our first quarter figures are really low as this-a business-a graph will hopefully show.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
What are you doing?

Yakko:
We're getting down...to business.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[takes the stick] You always make ze jokes. Zis is not good. No more jokes, ja? [the Warner Siblings nod] Ja. Good, now, plant yourselves on ze couch there. [the Warner Siblings jump onto the couch and literally sprout up into flowers] I said, no more jokes!

Yakko:
This isn't a joke, it's a visual gag.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Well, no more jokes, gags, or monkey stuff.

Yakko:
Define monkey stuff.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Yeah, THE MONKEY STUFF! THE MONKEY STUFF! You know, you walks around like a silly monkey. [acting like a monkey] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Und' you be all goofy like a monkey. Zat is the monkey stuff.

[The Warner Siblings look at the camera with cofusion]

Wakko:
Maybe you should see a p-sy-chiatrist.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I am a p-sych-...uh. I mean, a psychiatrist! EUH! [while he paces back and forth, the Warner Siblings follow him, copying him, walking like Ancient Egyptians, and as a British tourist group] Ah...I know vhat you kids vant, ja! You vant to talk to Mr. Puppethead! [pulls out a hand puppet resembling him] Hello kids, I'm Mr. Puppethead! Tell me vhy you always make the jokes. [the Warners look at the puppet awkwardly] Vhy aren't you talking with Mr. Puppethead? No, no, it iz very easy. Watch me, watch me. [clears throat] Hello, Mr. Puppethead, how are you? I am fine, Dr. Scratchansniff. How are you? I am fine, Mr. Puppethead. Did you have a yummy breakfast? Oh yes, yes! Very yummy, thank you. How was your breakfast? My breakfast was yummy as vell. [to the Warner siblings] Now you see? Isn't that easy?

Yakko:
Uhmm...are you sure you don't want to see a p-sychiatrist?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I am a p-sychi- I mean psychiatrist! [tearing at his hair with the puppet] I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM!

Yakko:
Mr. Puppethead's hungry.

[In the City of Burbank, a cautious and hopeless Goodfeather pigeon plays his flute, while a short-tempered Goodfeather pigeon and a de-facto leader Goodfeather pigeon duck their heads. The hopeless Goodfeather pokes the tempered Goodfeather in eye while still playing]

Pesto:
That's it! [jumps at the cautious Goodfeather and a fight cloud is covered with stars and feathers] Hey, watch where you put-

Squit:
Hey! [complains during the fight]

Pesto:
-that sissy flute! You wanna play the flute? I got your flute! There! Here's your flute!

[Ralph is in charge of parking spots for cars. On stage, a blue male hippo plays a marimba and a purple female hippo plays another marimba. Squit flies on the office and plays his flute again. Pesto spots him and hits him again]

Pesto:
I thought I told you to stop with that fluting, huh. Take that! Get out of my face!

Squit:
OW! Just come on! Come on, I ain't come on, I ain't [incomprehensible] with my beak!

[Dr Scratchnsniff is sleeping with a teddy bear and he wakes up]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
One Monday mornin', I got up late and there were these monkeys outside ze gate. The guard tried to stop them but he had no luck. The monkeys got free and they run amok. I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
My office was run by the studio nurse. I came downstairs and what could be worse? The monkeys was doing a crazy dance. They put buggies in my underpants.I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchasniff:
Monkeys dance, then I dance, too.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I ran outside to get a stick, But I'm telling you, friends, those monkeys was quick, 'Cause when I returned, much to my disgrace, Those monkeys had the nurse in a mad embrace!

Hello Nurse:
I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko:
For a nickel, I'll give you a clue.

Dot:
I didn't know your eyes were blue.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.

[Back at the Show, The Hip Hippos are playing their marimbas,while Yakko Wakko and Dot chase Dr.Scratachansniff and Hello Nurse]

Marita Hippo:
Yessir, woo!!

[Squit lands on the blue hippo's drum]

Flavio Hippo:
Aw, play dat thing!

[Squit's flute turns around, The Mime. When Dr. Scratchansniff, Hello Nurse and the Warners run past him as he juggles for a brown squirrel sitting on a yellow chair, yawning. an orange tree falls on his head. A grey old squirrel wearing a green hat with a flower on top grabs the brown squirrel out of the chair. Dr.Scratchansniff hides on a pink wall, while the Nurse has been chased by the Warners and he flees. A tall, anthropomorphic white-furred mouse and a short, anthropomorphic white-furred mouse are both carrying a mouse trap, with a piece of cheese. Dr.Scratchansniff runs to the apartment and Squit plays his flute. When Dr. Scratchansniff runs into his apartment, Buttons, a adult male German Shepherd dog and a very small girl with short-cut platinum blonde hair in lilac overall shorts with a white short-sleeved shirt underneath, white socks and black mary jane shoes,float by on some colorful balloons.]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I went to me bath for a shower and shave. Them monkeys going to put me into my grave! The entire bathroom was laid to waste and they shaved my head with minty toothpaste! I dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
They's crazy nutso! I'm tellin' you!

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchasniff:
Well, by this time, I was feelin' dread. They was using a shoebrush to shine me head.I asked them to leave, but they stayed around. They pulled the chain, and, YEE, I went down! I dunno what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchasniff:
Call my lawyer! I'm ready to sue!

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchasniff:
AAH! [runs away from the Warners]

[Back on stage, The Hip Hippos played their marimbas]

Marita:
Yessir, brother!

[Squit contiunes his flute and he pokes Pesto in the eye

Pesto:
Hey! That's it!

Squit:
OW!

[Pesto jumps on Squit and the fight cloud contiunes and they fall. Then the girl holds on to the balloons and Buttons follows her. Dr.Scratchansniff stops,while the cloud lands on Dr.Scratchansniff's head and it lands on his shirt]

Pesto:
What do you think you're busting with that thing? [incomprehensible]

Squit:
Those are my tail feathers, I need those!

[Dr Scratchansniff dances,while Yakko, Wakko and Dot following him,wearing new clothes and shaking maracas. Yakko wears a green shirt with yellow flowers on it, Wakko wears a purple shirt with orange flowers on it and Dot is wearing a hula skirt. They're maracas are green and red, while they are wearing hula necklaces. When the Mime watches the Warner walking away and recovers himself from the fallen tree and dances, the old squirrel looks at the Mime and look up at the sky. She grabs a straw and shoots down Buttons and the girl's balloons, causing them to fall on him and she smiles. Now Dr Scratchansniff runs away from the Warners and the short mouse walks away with his head caught in the trap, while the tall mouse follows him. Dr Scratchansniff shakes his legs and Pesto and Squit comes out of his pants. Pesto and Squit felt dizzy and Squit has his flute on his head, while the Warners dance and Dr.Scratchansniff scowls at them and they scream. Yakko waves and they flee off, while Pesto and the de-factor pigeon looked at Squit, crossing their arms and he is hurt and he has a black-eye]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Well, me patience ran out and I'm telling you sure, tomorrow, I show those monkeys the door! And if they don't leave, I'm inviting you to my house for dumplings and monkey stew! I don't know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchasniff:
Now I'm in the stew, oh pooh.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Dunno know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Watch out for monkeys, I'm telling you!

The Hip Hippos, Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say, the monkeys won't do.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
We're not monkeys, we're just cuckoo!

All:
Dunno what to say! The Warners won't do!

[On a black background, a book that reads, Nighty Night Toon]

Narrator:
Nighty-Night Toon. [the book opens revalling the Warner Tower. Inside the Warner Tower, the characters are sleeping] Inside the water tower room, There was a log flume. [the Warners ride on a log flume on the water] And a picture of a big baboon.

[Wakko grabs a marker and draws a mustache of a picture of Ralph and he moves]

Ralph:
Huh

Narrator:
And three little toons, acting like goons.

Yakko:
I'm Yakko.

Wakko:
I'm Wakko.

Dot:
And I'm cute!

[A feisty, independent, and lovely gray and white cat is sleeping on a dim-witted and optimistic stray dog's tummy and he is sleeping too]

Narrator:
A dog and a cat.

Runt:
[wakes up and he stands up and the cat falls on the dog's tummy] Cat? Where's a cat?

[A green cage is sitting on a window, while the tall mouse puts a rocket on the short mouse's tummy]

Narrator :
And a big-headed rat.

The Brain:
I'm a mouse, not a rat.

[We see Marita holding a croquet mallet and Flavio holding another croquet. Marita swings the mallet and hits a croquet ball]

arrator :
And two hippos who are incredibly fat.

Marita:
Flavio, are we actually fat?

Flavio:
No, my delectible. We are simply bigger than life itself. [kisses her cheek]

[Now we see Dr. Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse holding nets tip-toeing,while Yakko and Wakko peeked out of the 6 player croquet set]

Narrator:
And in this room, and in this verse are Dr. Scratchansniff and...

Yakko and Wakko:
Hello, Nurse!

[The Warner Brothers ducked down,while they swing they're nets and captured each-other. Now we see Pesto, Squit and the de-factor pigeon, standing on the window]

Narrator:
And three Goodfeathers who...

Squit:
...stick together.

Pesto:
What do you mean by that? You think I'm sticky? You saying I'm some kind of gooey sticky bun here for your breakfast enjoyment? Is that what you're saying?

Squit:
No, I'm just saying-

Pesto:
That's it! Here's your sticky buns, I got your sticky buns right here, ey!

Squit:
Come on! Come on, knock it off!

[They spin cartwheels, while a big cloud zooms in and a feather comes out of the cloud. Now the girl sleeps in a huge bed and Buttons sleeps on the covers]

Narrator:
And Mindy and Buttons are snuggled in bed. [a Skeleton named Skullhead peeks out of bed. He wears a hat, a red bow tie and a shirt. Buttons looks at the Skeleton and he tips his hat] Along with a fella, named Mr. Skullhead. [Buttons hides under the bed. Now we see the grey old squirrel sleeping in a rocking chair. She wears a green nightcap and a green night-gown and she has a book on her lap] And an old squirrel lady in cap and nightgown sits in her rocker and says.

Slappy Squirrel:
Hey, Pal, pipe down.

Narrator:
Oh, er, right. Well then... [she yawns and goes back to sleep and then the lights go out] Nighty-night, room, Nighty-night, toons [the Warners zip on-screen, while Wakko gets Ralph out of the picture and Yakko and Dot pull the lever, while Wakko puts Ralph into the log flume] Nighty-night, log flume.

Ralph:
Aahh!

Narrator:
With the big baboon. [Ralph and the log flume fells into the water,with a stupendous SPLASH! Now we see the cat, sleeping on Runt's tummy] Nighty-night dog, nighty-night cat.

[Runt and the cat woke up]

Runt:
I do smell a cat, but where's it at? That rhymes, that that definitely rhymes.

[Now we see The Hip-Hippos drinking soda]

Narrator:
Nighty-night, hippos.

Marita:
We're big boned, not fat

[The Brain holds on to the tall mouse carrying a match with fire and it lights up the rocket and he blows the fire out]

Narrator:
Nighty-night, big-headed laboratory rat.

The Brain:
I am not a rat, I'm a mouse. [the Rocket explodes and the rocket point lands on his head]Oh drat.

Pinky:
Oh, that rhymes too, Brain. Uuhm... [puts down the match while they fall down]

[Now we see Dr. Scratchansniff sitting on a log flume, tied up, while Wakko, Yakko and Hello Nurse sit on another log flume and Yakko pulls a lever, while Wakko does the same]

Narrator:
Nighty-night, doctor and-

Yakko and Wakko:
Good niiiiight, nurse

[The log flume goes up, while the other log flume went into a heart tunnel, while Pesto and Squit fight, while the de-factor leader looks at us, left and right]

Narrator:
Nighty-night, pigeons who constantly curse.

Pesto:
Buster bajou?!? Baddachini, afraid of?!? I got your sticky buns, here's your sticky buns!

Squit:
Come on! what did I do, what did I do? knock it off!

[Back at the Bed, Mindy is trying to get Buttons out of the bed, but she can't reach him. Buttons is Scared]

Narrator:
Nighty-night, Buttons under the bed, along with his friend, Mr. Skullhead. [Mr. Skullhead peeks out of the bed and Buttons runs out of the bed, while Mindy and Mr. Skullhead watch him. Now we see Slappy still sleeping on the rocking chair] Nighty-night, squirrel lady in night-gown and cap.

Slappy:
For crying out loud, would ya button your yap?

[Back at Burbank, California, clouds pushed back revalling a yellow moon]

Narrator:
Nighty-night water tower, nighty-night lot. [the WB shield opens up and Yakko, Wakko and Dot peeked out of their Warner Tower] Nighty-night, Yakko, Wakko and Dot. [Dot waves goodnight at the people] Nighty-night people everywhere.

Yakko:
And nighty-night, Wakko's underwear!

[Yakko grabs a pair of underpants, while Wakko gasps and Dot covers her mouth. Wakko grabs his underwear and wents back inside, while Yakko and Dot went back inside too and the shield closes]

[A Map is Shown with 7 continents, they're called the countries]

Announcer:
And now, the nations of the world, brought to you by Yakko Warner!

[Yakko lands on the map, wearing a educational hat and dances]

Yakko:
[singing] United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru, Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean, Greenland, El Salvador, too. Puerto Rico, Colombia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana, and still, Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil. Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan, Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname, and French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam. Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland, and Germany, now in one piece, Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Italy, Turkey, and Greece. Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania, Ireland, Russia, Oman, Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Hungary, Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran. There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan, Both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain, The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal, France, England, Denmark, and Spain. India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan, Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan, Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh, Asia, and China, Korea, Japan. Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia, The Philippine Islands, Taiwan, Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand, Then Borneo, and Vietnam. Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola, Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana, Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia, Guinea, Algeria, Ghana. Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo, The Spanish Sahara is gone, Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia, Egypt, Benin, and Gabon. Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali, Sierra Leone, and Algiers, Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya, Cameroon, Congo, Zaire. Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar, Rwanda, Mahore and Cayman, Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia...Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan!

[The Scene changes to a blackboard, that was filled with letters and a hand holds a piece of chalk writes on the blackboard]

Einstein:
If the sun is P, and gravity is H, it makes a ppphhhhh. No no no no, the theory of relativity has escaped me! Why can't I get it?! WHY?! [the Doorbell rings and he turns to the door] Oh! This better be important, I'm thinking about black holes. [the Warners are standing at his house as he opens the door]

Yakko:
Like blackheads, you must be a dermatologist.

Einstein:
I am not. I am Albert Einstein, world-famous physicist.

Yakko:
Oh. I've never had a cyst, but Wakko's got a wart you can look at.

[Wakko raises his hand]

Einstein:
[looks at it] Eww. Vat do you kids want?

Wakko:
You wanna buy a yummy box of kids scout cookies? [gets a green box of cookies and he hands it to Einstein]

Einstein:
Cookies? Vat would I do with cookies?

Dot:
Ya eat 'em, silly moustache man. Woah, dumber than advertised.

Einstein:
No I don't want cookies. I'm trying to unravel the mysteries of the universe! Now be good little scouts, and run away! [shuts the door]

Wakko:
[sits on the steps] Bye, merit badges.

[The spotlight shines on Dot]

Dot:
Oh, oh! My heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge, I mourn my loss. [sobs into her hands]

[The spotlight disappears]

Yakko:
[claps along with Wakko] Say, those acting classes are really paying off.

Dot:
Think so?

Yakko:
Don't worry sibs, we'll sell that nice man a box of cookies or die trying, or try dying, or do some tie dying! [gets a tie dye shirt, while Wakko and Dot clap]

Einstein:
No more disruptions. [turns to the windows and pulls the first one, then the second one, then the third one has Yakko, Wakko and Dot on it]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Hello!

Einstein:
Aargh! [runs to the green chair and hides] YOU!

Yakko:
No, this is a "ewe". [takes a female sheep called an ewe] We're just plain old us.

Einstein:
[about to cry] Why won't you leave me alone?

[Yakko, Wakko and Dot zip in wearing green shirts]

Yakko:
Boy, have we got a deal for you! For a limited time only, when you buy our cookies, we'll throw in the amazing Acme pocket-fisherman! [a little ACME pocket-fisherman waving at the audience. then Yakko hands a fishing pole, a tackle box, and a cabin shower] The pocket-fisherman comes complete with fishing pole, tackle box and potty. He may be small, but he eats.

Dot:
But wait, there's more. You'll also get the amazing Acme hair magnet. [Wakko carries a magnet, that reads ACME and Einstein's hair raises up. Dot has a comb and Yakko has a brush and they both have spraying cans] A unique solution to fine limp hair.

Wakko:
[has a camera and hides as he takes a photo] Smile! [the camera flashes and he holds the photo] You didn't smile

[It's a picture of Albert Einstein sticks his tongue out. Now the real Albert Einstein sticks his tongue out]

Yakko:
To get the cookies, pocket-fisherman and hair magnet. Here's how to order. [pulls the screen]

Dot:
[sit on a chair and breaks the 4th wall] Hi, I'm Dot, an operator here at Acme. Order now, and we'll also throw in "Unexplained Mysteries of Fudge". Call now.

[Einstein cries and pounds the table]

Wakko:
[wears a red shirt and some black pants, then holds a calculator; in his Scottish accent] I don't think he can take much more, captain. He's about to blow.

Yakko:
I guess you really don't want any cookies, huh?

Einstein:
How can I eat cookies when the Theory of Relativity has escaped me?! It's all wrong! ALL WRONG! [erases the chalkboard and wents to his desk, while Yakko, Wakko and Dot looks at him who sits on his chair] I am a failure. Einstein is a dummy. Stupid Einstein dummy-boy.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
[look impressed, and huddle in a whisper] Hey Einstein! [singing] Whenever we're feeling blue, here's what we always do. When your face is long, sing the Acme song, you'll feel so fresh and new.

[Yakko runs to the chalkboard and draws some letters]

Yakko:
[singing] There's the a that's first, there's a c that's next, there's an m you're almost done. There's the e, it's last, now spell it out,a-c-m-e, that's fun.

Wakko:
[spoken] Now, backwards! [singing] There's the e that's last, there's the m, it's next, There's c, you're almost done. There's the a, it's first, what's first is last, e-m-c-a, we're done.

[Yakko walks up to Wakko and the chalkboard]

Yakko:
[walks up to the chalkboard; spoken] Pretty good, Wakko, but your a always looks like a 2.

[Einstein looked impressed, his eyes are filled with science circles and he pushes Yakko, Wakko and Dot and they fall down. Einstein looks at the board, while the Warners looked at him. then he writes an equal between the E and the M]

Einstein:
That's IT! The theory of relativity, E equals mc squared! Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared! You kids is geniuses! E equals mc squared! [the scene changes to his house] E equals mc squared! [the scene changes to the City of Bern, Switzerland] E equals mc squared!

[Inside of the cage, The Brain holds a pencil and writes on a piece of paper.]

The Brain:
I hope you're prepared, Pinky. For tonight's plan to take over the world promises to be extra-ordinary. [stops writing and his head turns around] Pinky?

[The screen pans to Pinky watching The Honeymooners on the television set. Inside on the TV, a bus driver named Ralph Kramden trying to punch a woman]

Pinky:
Yeh HEH HEH HEH HEH EH!

Ralph Kramden:
Bang, zoom. Bang! zoom! Right in the kisser!

Pinky:
EH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! Bang! zoom! Right in the kisser! Narf! EH HEH HEH HEHY

The Brain:
[walks to the television and turns it off] You watch too much TV, Pinky.

Pinky:
Bang! zoom!

The Brain:
[shuts Pinky's mouth, pulls on his nose, and let's go] Stop saying that Pinky or I shall have to hurt you.

Pinky:
Oh, okay, sorry Brain. NARF! [the Brain walks to a tall pencil with a paperclip on it. He shoots the paperclip up to the sky and hits the light, a table, a microscope and the lock. He manually unlocks cage] E-gad, you astound me, Brain.

The Brain:
That's a simple task, Pinky. [he and Pinky hop on a purple cabinet with a lock and a knob and they get off of the cabinet] Once we construct the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator, [Pinky stops and looks at the big TV] the world will be ours. [stops walking and looks at him] Pinky?

Alex Quebec:
It is often said when a golfer tees off, Alvey.

[Pinky laughs at the audience, a sign that reads, GYP-Parody and a orange-haired man with a green shirt]

Alvey:
What is 4, Alex?

Pinky:
What is narf, eh, what is POIT?!?!?!?!

The Brain:
[walks to Pinky and pushes him] What is an inordinately short attention span, Alex?

[Pinky and the Brain push and roll a science map and it reads, SUPER-CONDUCTIVE MAGNETIC INFINDIBULATOR and FAST ASSEMBLY]

The Brain:
The plans, Pinky, for the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator. Shall I explain how it works?

Pinky:
NARF! Challenge me.

The Brain:
I'm sure I will. By using the infindibulator to deplete hydrogen and promote gravitational collapse, we will produce a magnetic charge from the centre of the Earth so strong that every person who has loose change in their pockets will be magnetically drawn to the ground and stuck there.

Pinky:
[shaking the Brain's hand] E-gad Brain, brilliant, uh-oh, no wait, what if they take off their pants?

The Brain:
[surprised] Then we'll have to take over the world quickly. Every item we need is here in the lab save one; the infindibulator. I know where we can get one. The farmer's almanac.

[They grab a big, blue book which lands on top of them and they climb off the book]

Pinky:
Hrmmmmgh! [looks at the book and The Brain kicks him to the page] Thanks! [the Brain climbs up the book and they walked off. On top of the book it reads, BUILD YOUR OWN INFINDIBULATOR!] Ah, here we are. Build your own infindibulator with things you have 'round the home. Only 99 thousand dollars. Huh! 99 thousand dollars! NARF! Ooh, where we gonna get that, Brain?

Alex Quebec:
Beep! Sorry Matilda, that's incorrect! How much did you wager? [screen pans to a host holding a microphone and Matilda, a woman with glasses and a pink shirt, is crying] All of it? Oh that's too bad because you could have won 99 thousand dollars.

[Pinky and the Brain looked at TV]

The Brain:
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?

The Brain:
The money, Pinky. I can go on that show and win the money for the infindibulator!

Pinky:
E-gad, Brain! Oh no, but the questions on gyb-parody are incredibly hard. I mean, you'd have to get every single one right.

The Brain:
Quiz me. Ask me anything.

[A Dream cloud appears with a pie]

Pinky:
NARF! Eh, okay. What is pie?

The Brain:
The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter having a value of 8 decimal places of 3.14159265. But ask me something difficult, Pinky.

Pinky:
Uh, he, uh, NARF! oh OKAY! What Ralph Kramden says "Bang! Zoom!"

The Brain:
I told you to stop saying that. [grabs the pencil and whacks him. The pencil lands on Pinky] I don't care who says that.

Pinky:
Ralph Kramden. [jumps out of the pencil] Tada! [bows]

The Brain:
[grabs Pinky's tail] We must prepare. [carries Pinky and walks away]

[A wide shot of the Game Show, GYP-Parody is shown. 3 Game Show Buzzer Tables are standing there. Alvey walks to the first table, an old lady walks to the second table and The Brain walks to the third table]

Narrator:
This is Gyp-parody. our returning champion, Alvey, and please welcome, Deloris, and Brian!

The Brain:
[holds on a microphone] Uh, that's brain, not Brian

[The host Alex Quebec walks to his podium]

Narrator:
And now your host, Alex Quebec.

Alex Quebec:
Let's start with our returning champion.

Alvey:
Uh, I'll take ancient shoe sizes for 200, Alex. [the Game Board zooms in and it reads, SOCRATES' PUPIL PLATO WORE HIS SANDALS THIS SIZE]

Alex Quebec:
Socrates' pupil, Plato wore his sandals this size.

The Brain:
What was 7 and a half?

Alex Quebec:
That's correct, Brian.

The Brain:
That's Brain. I'll take King's name Moshoeshoe for 200.

[On a screen, the title reads HE RULED LESTHO IN 1820]

Alex Quebec:
He ruled Lestho in 1820. Brian.

The Brain:
Who was king Moshoeshoe the 1st?

Alex Quebec:
Correct. Select again, Brian.

The Brain:
Brain, Isle of yap for 400.

[The Game Board zooms in again, it reads, THREE YAPPIAN ISLAND NEIGHBORS]

Alex Quebec:
Three yappian island neighbors. Brian.

The Brain:
What are Bikar, Ailuk, and Ailinglaplap? [back to the wide shot of GYP-Parody] What is inversely proportional to square of the cubed distances between them? What is the crust of Io? [pushes the button; then the camera zooms to Alvey, Deloris and him and the game board with a number, it reads, $500] What is a Regus Philbin?

Alex Quebec:
That concludes round 2. And it looks like our challenger, Brian.

The Brain:
Brain.

Alex Quebec:
will be the only one to play final gyp-parody. [Alvey and Deloris walked away, excepted for the Brain] So far having answered every single question correctly. Have you made your wager?

The Brain:
Yes, Alex.

Alex Quebec:
Any plans on how you'll spend your winnings?

The Brain:
Yes, I plan to take over the world.

Alex Quebec:
Hah huh, my fault for asking.

Pinky:
[pops out of the pocket and cheers for him] Go Brain! NARF! We almost got all our money! In the words of-

[The Brain flicks him back into the pocket]

Alex Quebec:
Now, for 99 thousand dollars, here's the final gyp-parody answer. In the category "quotable quotes". [turns to the game board and it reads, THIS CLASSIC TV CHARACTER IS KNOWN FOR SAYING BANG! ZOOM! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!] This classic TV character is known for saying "Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser!

The Brain:
[shocked] Um, [gulp] uh, who is-a...

Alex Quebec:
5 seconds

The Brain:
I-um, who is-a...

Alex Quebec:
2 seconds.

The Brain:
Who is-a...Pinky! [slops on the Game Show Buzzer Table]

Crowd:
Oh.

Alex Quebec:
Ooh, That's incorrect. The question is, who is Ralph Kramden. [walks to the Brain] And how much did you wager?

The Brain:
Everything.

Alex Quebec:
Which leaves you with nada. I'm so sorry. And that wraps up our show. Good night, everybody!

[The TV statics to a Man in a suit with a microphone and a sign that reads Wheel of Misfortune]

Pinky:
How about Wheel of Misfortune?

The Brain:
No.

Pinky:
[jumps on the remote and sits on the button] You could win the money on 10 thousand dollar pile of mud.

The Brain:
[walks to the cage and opens the door] No, Pinky, I'm going back to the cage to get some rest for tomorrow night.

Pinky:
Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?

The Brain:
Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world. [pulls the door which reveals the shot of ACME LABS]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
[singing] They're dinky; they're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.

[A Pirate ship comes to the shore. the screen changes to the ship and then the door that reads, Cap'n Mel. The door opens and a hand holds up the sign with an arrow on it. A short pirate with an eye patch, a blue pirate hat, a hook, a red pirate shirt and some blue pants. He jumps away and lands and then he gets a whistle and blows it. 3 pirates zip to him]

Captain Mel:
[singing] I am the evil pirate Captain Mel

Crewmen:
[singing] And a really evil pirate, too!

Captain Mel:
[singing] You are very, very kind I'm an evil mastermind, and I'll do cruel things to you.

Crewmen:
[singing] We are very, very kind He's an evil mastermind, and he'll do cruel things to you

Captain Mel:
[singing] I'll kick you in the knee, poke your eye so you can't see, and hit you with my sword. Though I be a pirate swine, I have to draw the line...So I will not push you overboard.

Crewmen:
[singing] What, never?

Captain Mel:
[singing] No, never!

Crewman:
[singing] What, never?

Captain Mel:
[singing] Hardly ever! [pushes them overboard] Hahahahahahahahaha! [gasps; hops away, comes back with a telescope and looked at the Warners relaxing on the shore] They be trespassing on me pirate property. I'll show them, I will! [zooms away and slips on a rope and fell on a boat and paddles to the shore, then he gets off the boat. He spots the Warners and they looked at him]

Yakko:
Hey! [sees Captain Mel for the first time] Ooh, it's our new best friend.

Captain Mel:
Who be ye?

Yakko:
We be we. We're the Warner brothers.

Dot:
And the Warner sister.

Captain Mel:
Ye be trespassing on my private pirate property!

Wakko:
Bet ya can't say that three times fast.

Captain Mel:
Pirate prinipoly popoly...pi...per

Wakko:
You lose. [smashes Mel flat with a sledgehammer]

Captain Mel:
[pops out of the sand] Rrggggrgh. [aims his gun at Wakko, who makes a gookie] The penalty for trespassing is death.

Wakko:
Faboo!

Yakko:
[tapping on Captain Mel's shoulder] You can't kill us, ya hardly know us. So uhhhhhhh...how's about a kiss? [Captain Mel gets his gun again] Song break!

The Warners:
[singing] Gosh we're scared, oh gosh, we're frightened Cause our itty-bitty new friend has his teeny-weeny brain all set on blowing us to bits! Oh, how horrible, deplorable, this really is the pits!

The Warners and Captain Mel:
[singing] We should run and we should flee, then where would our story be? This could spell the bitter end.

Captain Mel:
[singing] For animated kids like them!

Yakko:
[singing] For the oldest Warner brother!

Dot:
[singing] And his pretty Warner sister!

Wakko:
[singing] And the other Warner brother!

Captain Mel:
[singing] Their small lives I will smother! They should run and they should flee, Then where would this story be? This... [stops singing and notices that the Warners are gone]

Yakko:
Bon Voyage-y!

The Warners:
Buh-bye!

[The Warners are on the boat and Wakko rows the boat]

Captain Mel:
Come back here you piles of sluggish sea slime! Rrrr!

[Back at the pirate ship, Captain Mel has a harpoon and he hops]

Captain Mel:
Arggh! [Yakko, Wakko and Dot have fishing poles, throw them away and then show banner, it reads, WISH YOU WERE WERE; throws the telescope away] Rarr! [hops to his harpoon and sits on his chair then shoots the harpoon but it missed the Warners. He grabs the grip with a big, huge shark and gasps. He laughs and sends the shark back.] Phew. [turns around to see the Warner dressed up like pirates]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Arr!

Yakko:
Arr!

Wakko:
Arr!

Dot:
Arr!

[Captain Mel raises his fist and hook then hops to them]

Wakko:
Arr! Yarr! Arr, Arr, Arr! Yarr!

Yakko:
Too big.

Wakko:
Arr.

Yakko:
Better.

Captain Mel:
I'll teach you three scallawags to mess with the likes of me. [walks away, opens the door, then comes back with a treasure chest with weapons] Choose your weapon.

Yakko:
Okay.

[They zip and then comes back with a very big, black cannon. Captain Mel gasps and shoots him, covered with black smoke]

Captain Mel:
[dazed] How did ye do that?

Yakko:
Aah, you mean with the big comedy cannon? You really wanna know?

Captain Mel:
Arr.

Yakko:
I'll take that as a yes. [zips away and Wakko and Dot bring a chair and Captain Mel sits on it. They grab two dust Ostrich Feather Dust Cleaning Brushes to clean him. They stopped and Yakko skid and they spin. Yakko, Wakko and Dot are back to their original clothes; singing] I Am the Very Model of a Cartoon Individual. My animation's comical, unusual and whimsical. I'm quite adept at funny gags, comedic theory I have read from wicked puns and stupid jokes to anvils that drop on your head. I'm very good at fancy dances, I can even pirouette then smack the villain with a fish, I know my cartoon etiquette. I can make my face all mean and really give you quite a fright. Aah! Then make up with flowers made of real exploding dynamite. [they run down the stairs, while Captain Mel chases them] When in a jam, I just yell, "Stop!" and villains in their tracks are froze. Then I sneak up, and utter "Start!" and take their hands and honk their nose. I am quite proud to be in such a hierarchical progeny from Daffy Duck and Tweety Bird to Babs and Buster Bunny. [pulls a lever with four pictures on them. Daffy Duck, Tweety Bird, Babs Bunny and Buster Bunny. Daffy gets a Hammer and hits Captain Mel. He falls into the chair] To suit my mood, I can call forth a lot of different sceneries like outer space and desert scapes and Himalayan eateries from this bag here, why, I can pull most anything imaginable like office desks and lava lights and Bert who is a cannibal! [pulls Bert, a cannibal wearing a necklace and a hula skirt and some brown shoes]

[Then Bert chases Captain Mel, who flees in terror. Now the Warners are at the end of the pirate ship]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
[singing] You see in matters comical, unusual and whimsical, We are the very model of cartoon individuals!

[A wide shot of Slappy's Treedome and a mailbox is shown in Burbank, Cailfornia. Inside Slappy was sitting on a chair, watching TV. The TV zooms in to reveal a construction site and a sign that reads, SPIKE CONSTRUCTION. A young Slappy wearing a construction hat, skipping on a construction building. She holds a bucket of RED HOLT BOLTS. She throws a red bolt of the site, then gets a hammer and pounds it]

Young Slappy:
Dah da Dee Da de da dee dee duh de duh da dah

[A Big Bad Wolf, wearing red overalls, peeks out of the site. He pulls his overalls revealing some high heels and Walks over. He imagines Slappy as a turkey and a sign that reads, SQUIRREL RUMP ROAST. The wolf licks his jaws and gets a fork and spoon out of his pockets. Slappy holds the bucket of RED HOT BOLTS. The wolf tries to eat Slappy, but she throws red hot metals into his mouth. He holds his neck and fire burns his head. Slappy hits the wolf with the hammer. The wolf spin and falls very far and pops up to his regular self and his eyes bugle out]'

Slappy:
Wild take number 32. Hah ha. Regular as clockwork, (burps) wish everything was regular as clockwork.

[The wolf hits the ground, turns into 3 babies, which cry.]

Young Slappy:
If there's one thing that I hate,

Slappy and Young Slappy:
It's a crybaby. [laugh]

[The first Slappy coughs and spits, while the second Slappy holds a sign that reads, THE END]

Young Slappy:
Now that's com-

[But the commercial changes the channel and a box that reads TOTALLY AWESOME ACME SNAX and Three turtles come out of the box wearing hats and they have canes]

Cereal commercial, singing:
Totally awesome Acme Snax, they are fun and energy packed, sugar coated sugar sacs.

Slappy:
Eh, stop it. [throws the remote at the TV lying down] Flipping network cuts out my famous end line for some razza-flavin' crudball commercial. [the doorbell rings] Ehh, somebody get me a peen-ball hammer. [walks to the door and opens it.] Who is it?!

Skippy Squirrel:
[glomps on his aunt into her house] Aunt Slappy!

[The screen pans to Skippy sitting on Slappy's tummy]

Slappy:
[to the camera] What can I do? He's my nephew. Hello Skippy.

Skippy:
Hi! [hopping up and down] What happened to your TV set?

Slappy:
It's having a bad day. Pardon me, but you've got a little excess energy there Skippy.

Skippy:
Must be these totally awesome ACME Snax. Want some?

Yakko:
Friends, we'll paint any ceiling for just 29.95. Right! How do we do it? No overhead. In fact, when we get through, you'll have nothing overhead! And if you hire us, you'll have nothing in your head! We paint ceilings, ceilings and ONLY ceilings! We don't paint floors cuz they're beneath us.

Michelangelo:
[angrily standing, boiling, covered in red paint] Who are you? What are you doing here?

Yakko:
We heard you had a ceiling that needs painting.

Dot:
Nice bungalow. This your place?

Michelangelo:
You fools, I'm the great Michelangelo! And this is the Sistine chapel!

Yakko:
Oh, yeah? If you're so great, what did you do with the other fifteen chapels, huh? Gotcha there.

Michelangelo:
Out! Out! HOW DARE YOU! [prepares to throw The Warner Siblings out, but he gets thrown out himself, confused] Huh?

Yakko:
Well, that takes care of the competition.

Dot:
Gentlemen, start your rollers! [Yakko and Wakko get white paint]

Yakko:
You know, a little touch-up will do wonders for this place.

Michelangelo:
Let me in! Let me in!

Yakko:
[dressed up as The Guardian of the Gates.] Nobody gets in to see the Wizard. Not nobody. Not nohow.

Michelangelo:
But I'm Michaelangelo.

Yakko:
[gasps] The Witch's Michaelangelo? Well. Now, that's a ceiling of a different color.

Michelangelo:
[gasps] Argh! What have you done to my beautiful ceiling?!

[Shows white ceiling]

Yakko:
Ya like it? I gotta tell ya, we had a heck of a time covering up those naked people.

Michelangelo:
You FOOLS! You've ruined it! It's supposed to have pictures!

Wakko:
Pictures? He wants pictures!

Yakko:
Hey, don't worry Mike, our mistake. [whispering] This hasn't happened to us since that Venus de Milo arms fiasco.

Dot:
Say, why don't you go paint that Moaning Lisa, Leonardo?

Michelangelo:
That's Da Vinci!

Dot:
That's delightful!

Yakko:
That's de-lovely, but, we got a ceiling to paint.

Michelangelo:
Wha-but-

Dot:
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and two books] Here. Just pick out a wallpaper pattern and relax. We'll take care of everything.

Wakko:
[wearing toilet plungers on his feet] Yeah, when it comes to ceilings, we're the tops!

Yakko:
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and a refrigerator] Oh, and while you're at it, pick out the linoleum, why don't-cha?

Dot:
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and a fish bowl with a goldfish in it] And don't forget your upholstery and your bathroom fixtures.

Michelangelo:
Oh, thank you.

Yakko:
Now, don't you worry your pretty, little head. By the way, nice toga.

Michelangelo:
[looking at wallpaper designs] Let me see now, this lovely floral pattern might be just- [realizing that he's been tricked, knocking the stack of wallpapers, books, and objects down] HEY, wait a minute! I'll teach those idiots to fool with the great Michelangelo! [hits the cylinder, making the statue of Moses, and slams the door open] No. No! NO! [sees a bullfighter, A Waterloo by C.M. Coolidge, big-eyed children by Margaret Keane, and Elvis Presley; cries] I'm ruined! RUINED!

Dot:
I knew it. He prefers the young Elvis.

Michelangelo:
It is supposed to look like THIS! [shows them The Sistine Chapel Ceiling paper]

Dot:
Oh! More naked people!

Yakko:
I wouldn't go flashing that around if I were you, Mike. [whispering] This is a church. [takes the paper, scrunches it up, and throws it away]

Michelangelo:
But His Eminence is coming tonight and I MUST be finished! Please, you gotta help me! [cries]

Yakko:
Wait a minute, you expect us poor innocent children to climb up dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church?

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
We'll do it!

Yakko:
[speaking at a podium as Wakko and Dot play "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" on kazoos] But we're not doing it for the sake of art. And we're not doing it for the sake of money. No, we're doing it because, we like painting naked people.

[Yakko sprays white paint on the ceiling. Wakko sharpens a pencil, and paints outline on tightrope extremely quickly. Dot writes numbers on the ceiling. Michelangelo paints the ceiling using a trampoline]

[The cartoon opens up on an aerial shot of The Warner Brothers Studio as upbeat music plays throughout the background. Cut to Warner Brothers Studios building. Inside, a woman passes by a portrait of Thaddeus Plotz. Camera pans right to his office]

Unknown man:
[to two other unknown men] He's a chicken, I tell ya. A giant chicken!

[Fade to inside of office]

Thaddeus Plotz:
Dr. Scratchansniff, do you know what keeps this studio running?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Err, your brilliant leadership, T.P.?

Thaddeus Plotz:
I mean besides that. What keeps this place going?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Mmm... Mel Gibson movies?

Thaddeus Plotz:
YES! That's it, sniff. And how do we pay for those movies? With money! money. And we need more. With that in mind, I've invited some powerful foreign investors to come here tomorrow. They'll prepare to give us 1 billion of it. Billion of it. 1 billion. 1 billion dollars! Do you know what that means?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Ja, that's a one with lots und lots of zeros after it.

Thaddeus Plotz:
No! It means tomorrow is the most important day in the studio's history! I'm throwing a gala banquet on sound stage 10. Now, every star in Hollywood will be there. Investors will get the royal treatment, and we'll get the check, IF, it goes smoothly. There's just one catch. Before they invest, they wanna meet every one who works here. Including you.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Ooh, that's nice. I like to party.

Thaddeus Plotz:
And including, the Warner Brothers.

[The Warner Siblings are running around outside]

Yakko and Wakko:
Hi, T.P.!

Dot:
And the Warner Sister.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
No, T.P.! Don't let the investors meet The Warners! They're out of control. They're koo-koo! They're-

Thaddeus Plotz:
Your responsibility. You're the studio psychiatrist. You have 24 hours, Scratchensniff, to teach them some manners. I can't have those-those-What are they?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
I don't know.

Thaddeus Plotz:
Well, I can't have them ruining this banquet! Understand?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Alright, I'll try.

Thaddeus Plotz:
Trying is not good enough, Scratchensniff. [shouting loudly, blowing Dr. Scratchensniff away] DO IT!!!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[bouncing out of the building] Uh! Eh! Pleugh! [falls down, and rests his elbow on the concrete, irate] Rggrgh!

[After "The Studio Shrink Song"]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Stop zat! Stop! Do you know why you're here?

Yakko:
No one really knows why, Doc, although Schopenhauer put forth an interesting theory-

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Zat's not what I meant!

Dot:
Then why'd you say it?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
You're misinterpreting!

Yakko:
[standing next to Miss Interpreting] No, this is Miss Interpreting.

Wakko:
[standing next to Miss Understanding] This is Miss Understanding.

Dot:
[laying on a pillow] And I'm Miss-terious.

Wakko:
[the Warners are playing with a golden bust of Sigmund Freud] Wow, a giant Pez dispenser! Want one?

Yakko:
[taking a Pez] Please.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Stop playing with my bust!

[Awkward pause]

Yakko:
[blows the audience a kiss] Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Be quiet, please! I have something to tell you!

Yakko:
Ooh, story time

Wakko:
Get right to the scary part.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
What scary part?

Dot:
The part with my pet. [opens the tiny white box. Dot's pet appears as giant crab with eyeball replacing its head]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[startled] Eagh! Ya, yeah your pet, okay. Good pet. Heh heh heh. Now, listen. The studio is getting a big fancy party for some new investors, with movie stars und everything, und, uh, you have been invited.

Warner Siblings:
Movie stars?

Yakko:
Michelle Pfeiffer.

Dot:
Mel Gibson.

Wakko:
Don Knotts!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Please! There's also some bad news.

Dot:
Bea Arthur is putting out a swimsuit calendar?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
She is? Of course, not. No. The bad news is you can only go if I train you to be polite, clean, well-dressed children on your best behavior.

Dot:
[wearing a party hat and holding a pony by the reins in front of balloons] I thought you said it was a party!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Now, in a receiving line, if I introduced her to you, what would be ze proper greeting?

Yakko and Wakko:
Hello, Nurse!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
No, no, a proper greeting like zis. [bows] "How do you do?" Now, you try.

Yakko:
How do you do...that thing with your mouth? [lands in Hello Nurse's arms, then kisses her] Take me away, but be gentle. I'm fragile. [fractures into many tiny pieces]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[as Dot puts Yakko back together] No, no, it is impolite to be that personal. [to Wakko] Wakko?

Wakko:
I disagree.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
No, I want you to greet ze lady.

Wakko:
[literally zooms around to Hello Nurse at lightning speed, with a lightning bolt trailing behind him, kissing her] Hello, Nurse!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
No, no, no, how do you do.

Wakko:
Oh, fine, thanks. [shakes Dr. Scratchensniff's hand]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Rgh! [to Dot] Dot, would you care to give it a try? But, I'd like you to make a little curtzy.

Dot:
Thanks, but I did before I left home.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
No, a curtzy, make a little curtzy!

Yakko and Wakko:
[laughing] Make a little curtzy, a curtzy! [do a curtzy] A little curtzy! [do a curtzy, they laugh more]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Stop it! Stop zat! I am not here to amuse you!

Yakko:
Then, please, stop being so funny!

[Wakko laughs]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[facepalms] Now, Dot, please give it a try.

Dot:
How do you do? [does a curtzy, then midway, collapses onto the floor] Tee-hee, curtsy laugh.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Ooh! [double facepalms on the couch] Nngnhuh! Let's move on.

Yakko and Wakko:
And lift!

Dot:
[pushing a fridge with a lift] Comin' through!

Yakko:
Uh, where do you want the couch, Mac?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Euugh!

[Dr. Scratchansniff is teaching The Warner Siblings table manners]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
When it's time to eat, table manners are the upmost importance. I vant you to sit up.

The Warners:
[acting like dogs] Woof!

Yakko:
We can also play dead.

[The Warner Siblings roll over off the table]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Get up! Get up!

Dot:
What, without a treat?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Yes!

Yakko:
Alright, but Shamu wouldn't work under these conditions.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
But Shamu doesn't vant to go to the party!

Dot:
Was he invited?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
ARGH!

[Hello Nurse opens the door, walking in provocatively in a French maid outfit with food. She brings the food down onto the table]

Yakko and Wakko:
[panting] Hello, French nurse!

Dot:
[inhales, pointing her finger up] Never mind. [crosses her arms]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Now, we will eat a practice meal, ja, und I will correct you as we go along. Begin. [the Warners drink the soups, throw the plates away, then jump around stuffing themselves and eating more food] Don't eat with your hands! You must use the proper tools! [as Yakko operates a dig machine as to dump food with a bigger total volume than Wakko into Wakko's mouth] Stop zat, sit down! Do you want to go to the party, or not?

Warners:
Yes.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Gaargh! Fine. Now zen, you have a salad fork, a dinner fork, a butter knife, a water glass, a soup spoon, a dinner knife, a fish knife, an oyster fork, desert spoon, a napkin, a finger bowl, a dinner spoon, a salad knife, a bread plate. Got it?

Wakko:
Got it? I can beat it, I have a full house.

Yakko and Dot:
[slamming their cards onto the table] Aw!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
You're not paying attention. You didn't hear any of that. You're not listening to anything I say!

Yakko:
Well, sure we are, Doc. Let's review, shall we?

[The Warners walk into the party. They see Spike Lee, Annette Bening, and Warren Beatty sitting at a table]

Spike Lee:
[to a baby on Warren Beatty's back] How about a smile, please baby, please baby baby baby please?

[They see Bea Arthur sitting at a fancy party with Danny DeVito, who is dressed as The Penguin, eating a large bucket of fish]

Bea Arthur:
I'm putting out a swimsuit calendar.

Danny DeVito:
[gags] Not while I'm eating!

Thaddeus Plotz:
Good work, Scratchansniff. I'm amazed! Heh, you did it! The Warners behaved. [turns around, serious] Now, get them out of here.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
What? But they did their part of the bargain.

Thaddeus Plotz:
I want them out. I don't have that check yet, and they're not going to mess it up. Get 'em out!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[sighs sadly, walks up to the Warners] Vell, kids, that's enough for one night, eh?

Warner Siblings:
[confused] Huh?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[leading them back to the water tower] Don't want you to get over-tired. It's getting late. So, it's off to bed with you. Now, now, come along. Let's go nighty-night.

Yakko:
Hey, what are you doing?

Dot:
Yeah!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Uh. I'm sorry, but ze chairman of the board said you had to leave.

Yakko:
But we behaved!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. Now, go on now. Go-go on now. [leaves]

Dot:
No dinner with Mel Gibson?

Yakko:
No dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer?

Wakko:
No chit-chat with Don Knotts?

Yakko:
[as he, Wakko, and Dot climb up the ladder] Well, I know when we're not wanted. I know when we should just go home. [climbing back down] Now is not one of those times.

[Thaddeus Plotz has captured the Warners]

Thaddeus Plotz:
Ruin my studio, will you?! You-You-You whatever you ares!

Miss Tanaka:
[tapping on his shoulder] Mr. Kato would like to know who is responsible for all of this.

Thaddeus Plotz:
It was them! I had nothing to do with it. They're responsible!

Miss Tanaka:
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Warner Brothers no sekinin desu. ("This is the responsibility of The Warner Brothers.")

Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor:
[to Yakko, in Japanese accents in unison] Great party! Great party! Great party! Great party! Ha ha ha ha!

Thaddeus Plotz:
Great party? Oh, oh, oh, yes. Uh, Great party![laughs. The Japanese investors look at him; sighs weakly]

Mr. Kato:
[to Yakko] We love The Warner Brothers! [giving The Warner Siblings the 1 billion dollar check] And here you go.

Miss Tanaka:
Mr. Kato presents the check for 1 billion dollars.

Mr. Kato:
[to Yakko] You are A-O.K., partner!

Madonna:
[walks up to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor] C'mon, you guys. We're going to play Truth or Dare. [takes them away arm and arm]

[Thaddeus Plotz's turns red, steaming up]

Yakko:
[to Dr. Scratchansniff] Well, Doc, there's a lesson to be learned in all of this.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Yeah? What's that?

Yakko:
I have no idea, but apparently it's worth a billion dollars.

Thaddeus Plotz:
That's my check! Give me that! [starts chasing after The Warner Siblings, speeding] Give me that! That's mine! Come back here with my money! That's my check! [Dr. Scratchansniff turns to the audience and gives the "Crazy" gesture]

[The Warners ride on a city bus, in Roman outfits. Yakko is whipping the bus. The green light turns red. The bus stops at the red light, neighing like a horse]

Yakko:
How's that for an entrance?

Wakko:
[sniffs]

Dot:
[pointing to Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy] Look!

Singers:
[offscreen, as light shines on Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy] Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Yakko:
One of these days, I'm gonna find those singers!

[The Warners jump off the bus and go to Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy. Ferman Flaxseed is sucking on the green sucker, looking at himself in the mirror. Close-up of Ferman Flaxseed's reflection. He sees The Warner Siblings reflection in it. The Warner Siblings look in the window, pressed against the glass]

Ferman Flaxseed:
Hmm? [turns to see the Warners outside the window] Oh! What horrifying little children! I shall be frightened for hours! [waving to the Warners to go away] Go away! Go away! Shoo, shoo! You frighten me!

Dot:
Look! He's waving at us! What a nice man! He wants us to come in!

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
[enters the candy store; singing] The candyman's swell, one look and you can tell that this nice man wears a toupee

Wakko:
Please don't mind what I will now say, I think that you should wear a beret.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Hey!

Yakko and Wakko:
[spoken] We're the Warner Brothers!

Dot:
And the Warner sister!

Ferman Flaxseed:
Buy something or leave!

Yakko:
[to the viewer] I like him! Don't you?

Wakko:
This is a great store, Mr. Candyman!

Ferman Flaxseed:
I'm not the Candyman!

Dot:
Well, you sell candy, don't cha, kid?

Ferman Flaxseed:
I'm not a kid!

Yakko:
Relax, my good man!

Ferman Flaxseed:
I am not your good man!

Yakko:
[sitting on the counter] Hmm...we're running out of options here.

Ferman Flaxseed:
What...do you want?!

Yakko:
[grabbing a jar of red jelly beans] Well, world peace would be nice...and a Chevrolet in every driveway...an end to pestilence and famine...and pestilence... [Ferman Flaxseed takes the jar of red jelly beans] Until then; we're just browsing!

[The Warner=s start touching and eating the candy. Dot licks the lollipops, Yakko drinks out of the melted milk chocolate barrel, and Wakko licks a candy cane]

Ferman Flaxseed:
Stop! Stop! Stop touching everything! If you want to see something, ask!

Dot:
All right! We'd like to see the jellybeans!

[Ferman Flaxseed shows them a jar of jelly beans]

Wakko:
Not those! Those! [points upwards]

[Ferman Flaxseed looks up to see a giant jar of jelly beans on top of the giant shelf. The camera turns to truck-out fast to a high-angle shot of the really tall ladder. He turns to the Warners, nervous. The Warners smile. He climbs a very tall ladder, passing a goat on two giant candy canes]

Goat:
Baa!

[Ferman Flaxseed continues climbing, passing an astronaut]

Astronaut:
Come in, Houston!

[Ferman Flaxseed is near the top, where the giant jar of jelly beans is. His right eye gets big. He looks down, nervously. Close-up on Ferman Flaxseed's nervous face, shaking nervously, sweating]

Dot:
Don't look down! You might fall and hit your head and die and your brains would leak out all over!

[Ferman Flaxseed gulps. He grabs the giant jar of jelly beans]

Ferman Flaxseed:
[as the ladder trembles, rocking back and forth] Goh! Uuh - ooh!

Yakko:
Whoa! Dumber than advertised!

[Ferman Flaxseed climbs down the really tall ladder]

Ferman Flaxseed:
[panting] There! Now...how many do you want?

Yakko:
Oh, we don't want any! We just wanted to SEE 'em!

Warners:
[look at the giant jar of jellybeans] Thank you!

Ferman Flaxseed:
[leaping over the counter] Right! So you're making fun of me!

Yakko:
We aren't making fun of ya! THIS is making fun of ya.

Warners:
[in stupid voices] We sell candy! We sell candy!

Dot:
See the difference?

[Ferman Flaxseed snaps and jumps at them, but The Warner Siblings dodge him and run between the other aisles]

Wakko:
[grabbing taffy from The Mr. Taffy Machine] I love a taffy pull! [pulls the taffy from The Mr. Taffy Machine through three aisles and a stack of cans in a zigzag path, only to run into Ferman Flaxseed]

Ferman Flaxseed:
Give that to me! [Wakko gives him the taffy] Eaowgh! [the taffy pulls him through the stack of cans and the three aisles in the zigzag path. He smashes into The Mr. Taffy Machine. He gets up, covered in taffy]

Warners:
[chugging past him as a train, puffing out smoke] Choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo- [offscreen] Whoooo-whoooo! [they make a hissing noise as they shuffle to him]

Dot:
[handing him the toupee] You dropped your hair!

Ferman Flaxseed:
[angrily getting out of the taffy machine] Blblblbl! [putting on toupee] Bleugh! Now, this really takes the cake!

[Each Warner Sibling has a cake]

Wakko:
Where do you want us to take 'em?

Ferman Flaxseed:
[pushing the cakes] Ough! Either you BUY something right now, or I shall delight in throwing you out of here!

Yakko:
That's going to be a problem. See, we don't have any money.

Dot:
Can we have something for free?

Ferman Flaxseed:
For FREE!?! [kicks the Warner Siblings out]

Yakko:
Hey! He can't do that to us! [they go back in and get kicked out again] On second thought, uhhhhh... maybe he can!

Ferman Flaxseed is pouring a bag of marshmallows into a barrel. Yakko, disguised as a mail man, comes in with a telegram for him]

Yakko:
Telegram for Ferman Flaxseed! [hands him the envelope] How about a tip?

Ferman Flaxseed:
Don't eat lead!

Wakko:
[as he and Dot appear out of envelope] Didja miss us?

Dot:
Give us a kiss, kid! [kisses him on the nose. They run as he gives chase]

Wakko:
Look! Malted milk balls! [pours the malted milkballs out of the jar and into his mouth. He becomes a machine gun as Ferman Flaxseed advances towards them. He spits them out with Dot winding his tail, shooting at Ferman Flaxseed. Ferman Flaxseed deflects the malted milkballs, which go into Yakko's mouth, using the silver platter as a shield. Wakko runs out of malted milkballs] I'm out!

Ferman Flaxseed:
[angrily grabs Wakko and Dot] Naugh-ty, naugh-ty children! [holds up Wakko and Dot]

Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July:
[offscreen] Stop right there! [as her shadow overlooms Ferman Flaxseed] You put those children down, you beast!

[Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July stands at the doorway with a ruler, very angrily; Yakko smiles]

Ferman Flaxseed:
But, you-don't understand! They were-

Wakko and Dot:
[pretending to cry] WAH!

Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July:
Come on, girls! That's the one I toldja about! Get him!

[She and the nuns march in angrily, with yard sticks in their hands. Camera trucks-in on Ferman Flaxseed's terrified face]

Ferman Flaxseed:
Wait! You're nuns! You're not allowed to resort to physical violence!

Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July:
He's right! Let us pray. [she and the nuns pray mumblingly. Outside Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy, a Notre Lame bus pulls up. Cheerleaders and The Notre Lame Marching Band come out of the bus as The Notre Lame Football Team comes to beat up Ferman Flaxseed] Our prayers have been answered! [blows the whistle]

[The Notre Lame Football Team marches down an aisle of Cheerleaders and beat up Ferman Flaxseed]

Warnerss:
[cheerleading] Clobber Flaxseed, clobber Flaxseed! Sis-boom-bah! Fighting Irish, Fighting Irish! Rah! Rah! Rah!

Dot:
Go, Flaxseed! [violence stops] Just kidding!

[Violence continues. The Warnerss eat popcorn as they watch the violence. The Notre Lame Football Team stops beating up Ferman Flaxseed, and leaves. So do Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July and the nuns. Ferman Flaxseed is beaten up and weak from the fight]

Yakko:
You should go hit the shower!

[They throw him into the quick drying chocolate. He gets covered in chocolate]

Wakko:
Make sure to wash behind your ears!

[They dunk him in quick drying chocolate. He becomes a chocolate bunny]

Dot:
He's so cute!

[Outside the temple, The Warner Siblings are walking up the stairs to The Temple of Wally Llama. They sit down on a step, tired, exhausted, panting]

Yakko:
Phew. That's worse than sweating to the oldies.

Dot:
But not as annoying.

Yakko:
True, no Richard Simmons.

[Dot pants. Wakko Eats snow, then turns to see The Temple of Wally Llama]

Wakko:
Hey, there it is! The temple of Wally Llama!

Dot:
C'mon!

[The Warner Siblings run up to the doors. Yakko rings the doorbell]

Yakko:
Wow. Just think, siblings, soon we'll know the answer to the most important question in the whole wide world.

[Wakko Eats more snow. Yakko rings the doorbell]

Wally Llama:
Go away! [all Warner Siblings sniff themselves and shrug. Yakko rings the doorbell again] I said, "Go away"! I am missing Baywatch.

Wakko:
But we have a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very- [Yakko jabs him with his elbow] important question to ask you.

Wally Llama:
I'm sick of questions! Everybody always wants to ask me a question. [mockingly] "Oh, Wally Llama, I have a question". "Oh, Wally Llama, why is this?" "Why is that?" [angrily] No! I am not answering anymore questions today!

Yakko:
How come?

Wally Llama:
That's a question! And I'm not answering it. So there! [slams door]

[Yakko rings doorbell]

Dot:
This is fun!

Wally Llama:
WHAT?

[The Warner Siblings put on a slide show]

Dot:
Oh, great Llama, we have journeyed 8,000 miles through rain, sleet, and snow.

Wakko:
I got sick in Phoenix.

Dot:
We humbly request that you answer our one, tiny, ever-so-important question.

Wally Llama:
Well... [angrily shouting, blowing Dot away] NO! [slams door]

Yakko:
Our new friend.

[Pinky and The Brain sneak across the screen. Wally Llama runs to his temple]

The Warner Siblings:
[offscreen] Hello, Llama!

Wally Llama:
AAH! [He runs out of his temple while The Warner Siblings give chase. He falls in exhaustion after fleeing from The Warner Siblings] Go away, please!

Yakko:
Okay, fine. We know when we're not wanted. We can take a hint, you know. Come on, sibs. He probably doesn't know the answer to our question anyway.

Wally Llama:
There is no question that I do not know the answer to.

Yakko:
Yeah, yeah, but you wouldn't know the answer to this one. Just, ah- just forget it.

Wally Llama:
But I know. I know everything!

Yakko:
No, you don't. Not this.

[Wally Llama runs to The Warner Siblings]

Wally Llama:
There is no question in the world I do not know the answer to. Go ahead. Ask me. Ask me.

[Yakko turns to the viewer and waves his eye brows]

Yakko:
I thought you weren't answering any questions.

Wally Llama:
Well, I'm not. Just this one to prove to you that I know everything.

Yakko:
Well, uhh... okay. Here's our question. [leaning in with Wakko and Dot as Dot's eye is briefly seen detached from her face] Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8?

[The Warner Siblings lean in at Wally Llama's face, and wave their eye brows]

Wally Llama:
I... I... I don't know. [sweating] I don't know. [as his eyes merge and green swirls form in his eyes] I don't know! [as his pupils dilate] I-I-I-I-I-I- [flapping his lips, using his fingers, as his eyes his eyes merge and green swirls form in his eyes again and turn into swirls] Blblblbbllbi- Ho-hohoho ho ha wha ha! [jumping up and down at The Warner Siblings] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! [He flips his lips, then sprouts four heads] Gobble gobble gobble gobble! [All four heads merge back into one head] Kama kama kama kama, rper, llama llama llama! [He speaks Nepalese as he bends the film of the video, and dances away, scattering flowers all over the place]

Yakko:
Maybe we should just write Dear Abby.

[Yakko waves his eye brows as the cartoon irises-out]

[The cartoon opens up on a street with garage sale signs everywhere. Camera pans right to Papa Bear's house]

Papa Bear:
[counting his $700] 700 big ones. [He looks left and right. He puts the $700 in his shirt. He laughs delightfully]

Customer:
'Scuse me

Papa Bear:
Hi, neighbor, what can I do you for?

Customer:
[showing him a small wooden pepper grinder] What is this?

Papa Bear:
Well, this, uh, this thing, it's a, uh, gribble refiner. Very valuable, one of a kind.

Customer:
What's a gribble refiner?

Papa Bear:
What's a gri- you refine gribble with it, for heaven's sake. You don't have to buy it, make your own. Enough gribble for everyone.

Customer:
Wow! I'll take it!

Papa Bear:
Good man! [adding on an adding machine, taking his money, one-by-one] That's $19.95 plus tax, license, destination fee, shipping and handling. Whoops. I forgot research and development. Nice doing business with ya. Bye bye! [tosses him away]

Old lady:
[tapping Papa Bear on his right shoulder] Excuse me.

[Camera pans down left to an old lady]

Papa Bear:
What can I do ya for?

Old lady:
[showing him the action figure with its head popping up on a spring] I bought this from your garage sale an hour ago, and when I got it home, it fell apart.

Papa Bear:
It's supposed to that. Gives it character.

Old lady:
Oh, no. It's broken, and I'd like my money back.

Papa Bear:
Tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm a fair man, let's compromise. [shouting at her] No refunds! [throws her away into a tree. Walks away, dusting his hands]

Old lady:
That was rude.

Yakko:
[reading sign] "Garage sale". [to Wakko and Dot] Must be this way.

[The Warner Siblings run to the garage sale. Wakko runs back to the old lady in the tree]

Wakko:
Hello, lady in the tree. [He runs back to his siblings]

Old lady:
What a charming lad.

Yakko:
[measuring the garage with Wakko's tongue] 22 feet wide. [lets go of Wakko's tongue and it winds back into his mouth, pumps Wakko's tail to jack his neck up to the top of the garage]

Wakko:
10 feet tall!

[Papa Bear counts his cash, but sees The Warners measuring his garage. He puts the cash in his shirt and goes to his garage]

Dot:
Oh, Yakko, it's just the perfect size, it'll fit right on top of the water tower!

Wakko:
Hey, the owner's coming.

Yakko:
[whispering to Wakko and Dot] Remember, sibs, don't let him know were interested, or we won't get a good deal.

[The Warner Siblings whistle and walk around while Papa Bear watches them, suspiciously]

Papa Bear:
[blocking them] What are you kids doing?

Yakko:
Nah, it's just not what we're looking for, uhh... it's all wrong.

Wakko:
You'd have to pay us to take it away.

[Dot and Yakko smile at eachother]

Yakko:
But, uhh... I think we could see our way clear to pay you, hmm, what's fair? ¢26?

Papa Bear:
What are you talking about?

Yakko:
Now, now, none of that. We're not here to haggle. ¢26 is our final offer for your garage. Take or leave it.

Dot:
Take it, oh, take it, please, please! [Yakko shakes his head rapidly, waving his finger] Or not. I don't care.

Papa Bear:
You kids are crazy. Get off of my property!

Yakko:
¢27, but this is as high as we go for this particular garage. [to Wakko] You'll have to sell your Don Knotts videos.

[Wakko whimpers]

Papa Bear:
[pushing them out] The garage is not for sale! [He closes the garage door]

Wakko:
Ooh, [grabbing at the garage door opener] can I press the button?

Papa Bear:
No!

Wakko:
[grabbing onto the garage door opener] Oh, please, please? [Both he and Papa Bear release the garage door opener. The garage door opener smashes]

Papa Bear:
Now, look what you've done!

Wakko:
[picking up the broken garage door opener] Don't worry, Mister. I can fix it! It'll be good as new.

Papa Bear:
Give me that back!

Wakko:
I'll fix it, I'll fix it! I'll be right back.

[Wakko runs between Papa Bear's legs, taking the garage door opener to repair it. Papa Bear is on all fours, looking at Yakko and Dot upside down]

Yakko:
[holding out a quarter and two pennies] So, how about it, Pally? ¢27. Deal?

Papa Bear:
[to Yakko and Dot, walking up to them] What are you kids, nuts? My garage isn't for sale. It's worth at least $20,000.

Dot:
Fine. Let's meet somewhere in the middle.

Yakko:
[holding out a quarter and three pennies] ¢28.

Papa Bear:
Why, you little-! [Yakko and Dot run before Papa Bear can catch them. He chases them all over his front yard] Get outta here!

Yakko:
Not until you sell us the garage.

[Wakko uses the garage door opener on Papa Bears roof, raising it]

Wakko:
Faboo! [He gets the roof back on the house, nearly crushing the house. He uses it on a trendy couple, turning them upside down. He turns them back right side up. Yakko and Dot run over a door, passing him. He uses it on the door, raising it at Papa Bear. CRASH! Yellow stars, blue stars, and red swirls fill the screen. Papa Bear sees flying white balls. Wakko uses the garage door on the door] Almost got it fixed.

[Yakko and Dot grab Wakko and take him as Papa Bear falls down. THUD! The ground shakes]

Dot:
What are we gonna do, Yakko? I don't think he wants to sell.

Yakko:
We'll have to try a different approach.

[two women walk pass The Warners. Wakko is about to use the garage door opener on them]

Dot:
[taking the garage door away from him, grabbing his left arm] That will be enough of that.

Yakko:
Every boy needs a hobby.

[Yakko is reciting Puck's final monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream while Dot translates]

Yakko:
If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended.

Dot:
If the actors in our show made you mad, it will be okay if you look at it this way!

Yakko:
That you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear.

Dot:
You fell asleep on your butt and dreamed the whole thing.

Yakko:
And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream.

Dot:
There was a hole in the plot you can drive a truck through.

[behind the action, Wakko is picking flowers and is swatted by a group a fairies. He sprays them away with a fire hose]

Yakko:
Gentles, do not reprehend...

Dot:
Honeys, don't blame us. You could be watching Oprah.

Yakko:
If you pardon, we will mend.

Dot:
But we're sorry and we promise our next show will be full of funny skits.

[Wakko continues to pick flowers when a very sexy fairy emerges]

Wakko:
Hello pixie! [he chases after her]

Yakko:
And, as I am an honest Puck...

Dot:
I'm not touching that one.

Yakko:
If we have unearned luck now to 'scape the serpent's tongue.

Dot:
What he said.

Yakko:
We will make amends ere long!

Dot:
We'll buy you foot long hot dogs!

Yakko:
Else the Puck a liar call: So, good night unto you all. [he blows a kiss]

Dot:
Goodnight everybody!

Yakko:
Give me your hands, if we be friends.

Dot:
Applaud if you like us!

[the pixie Wakko has been chasing after comes up behind him enraged. He tries to give her flowers while she tries to swat him with a huge fly swatter]

Wakko:
And Robin shall restore amends.

Dot:
And the Boy Wonder will save us.

[the Batmobile drives up and the Warners all jump in it, and it drives away]

Dr. Scratchansniff:
It's time to play...

Audience:
[offscreen, as the words "You Risk Your Life" appear on the screen] You Risk Your Life!

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Now, everybody's favorite host, Yakko.

[stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]

[Yakko cuts through the curtain with scissors, then slams his head on the stage a couple of times. Stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]

Yakko:
Thank you. Oh, Scratchansniff. Why don't we bring out our first two contestants?

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Okay. She's a homemaker from Madison, Wisconsin. He is the world's greatest philosopher. Please, welcome Mrs. Myra Puntridge und Aristotle.

[The curtain reveals Mrs. Myra Puntridge (actually Elmra Duff from Tiny Toons Adventures), and Aristotle. Stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]

Yakko:
Welcome to You Risk Your Life. Say the secret word, and Wakko will hit you on the head with a mallet.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
[offscreen, whispering] Today's secret word is "Yes."

Yakko:
Now, Myra, you're a homemaker, is that right?

Mrs. Myra Puntridge:
Oh, correct.

Yakko:
What kind of homes do you make?

[stock footage of a live-action audience laughing plays]

Yakko:
And, Aristotle, let's see here. It says you are a philosopher, is that correct?

Aristotle:
Yes.

[Dinging is heard offscreen, and Aristotle gets hit on the head]

Yakko:
Congratulations. You said the secret word. Well, are you both ready to play you risk your life?

Aristotle:
Yes.

[Dinging is heard offscreen, and Aristotle gets hit on the head again]

Yakko:
You said the secret word again. Congratulations. All right, you've chosen the category "Vocabulary." Here's your question. "What word is the opposite of 'No'?"

[Mrs. Myra Puntridge and Aristotle whisper]

Aristotle:
Yes.

[stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]

Yakko:
That's correct!

[Dinging is heard offscreen, and Aristotle gets hit on the head again]

Yakko:
Good night, everybody. See you tomorrow.

Dr. Scratchansniff:
Mallet furnished by Bashem and Wallop of Beverly Hills. Good night.

Yakko:
[to Queequeg] Hi, we're stowaways. Are you gopher?

Queequeg:
No, I Queequeg.

[The Warner Siblings sniff him]

Yakko:
Sorry to hear that. Next time, don't eat so many prunes.

Wakko:
[pointing to a flag with a prohibition symbol over Moby Dick] Hey, look. They've got miniature golf onboard.

[The Warner Siblings hit the golf balls]

Warner Siblings:
Fore! [The golf balls bounce all over The Pequod until they hit Captain Ahab's door]

Captain Ahab:
Who dares disturb my brooding? [He grabs Starbuck by his collar] Starbuck, have you sighted Moby Dick?

Starbuck:
Ach! Negative, Captain. We must quit this mad quest.

Captain Ahab:
Ye craven bilge rat. We'll search for Moby Dick until- what?

Yakko:
Captain Stubing, you mind if I steered the boat so we can go water-skiing?

Captain Ahab:
What? Yes. Go away. We'll search for Moby Dick until the seas dry up and the fish flop around in their underwear because all the water's gone. We'll search until- huh? [The Pequod tilts] What in the name of Neptune's pantry? [He sees Yakko at the helm] Give me that wheel at once!

[Yakko gives him both the wheel and the helm]

Yakko:
You're the Captain.

Captain Ahab:
Whoa! [Captain Ahab spins around, then spins towards the barrels knocking them down like bowling pins at a bowling alley. The Warner Siblings help him up] Who are ye?!

Yakko:
We're The Warner Brothers, Captain Stubing.

Dot:
And The Warner Sister. Say, would you see if there's anything stuck in my teeth?

Wakko:
You know, if you shaved your beard, you'd look just like Ernest Borgnine.

Captain Ahab:
Mark ye well that I am Captain Ahab. Cursed by vengeance to roam the seas until I find Moby Dick. You stowaways earn your keep aboard The Pequod. Now find me a white whale.

Dot:
Okay.

Yakko:
Look. A white whale.

Captain Ahab:
Where? Where?

The Warner Siblings:
[singing] Monkeys always look! Monkeys always look!

Captain Ahab:
Stop your tomfoolery. Find me that whale!

Yakko:
Thar she blows!

Captain Ahab:
Where? Where?

[Dot plays a trumpet]

Dot:
[as Louis Armstrong ] That's high C on the high seas. Yeah.

Yakko:
So, what do you say, Cap? Let's look for something else now.

Dot:
[in normal voice] Yeah. Who cares about a white whale? Let's dress up like ghosts and scare the crew.

Captain Ahab:
Don't ye understand? All I live for is to catch Moby, and destroy him for his oil, conquer him for his blubber, stomp on his big whale head and make perfume from his brain.

Yakko:
Captain, you've gotta go on shore leave more often.

Captain Ahab:
Vengeance is mine at last. [He splits the row boat in half, using the spear] Begone!

The Warner Siblings:
Oh, Captain Ahab, don't look behind you.

[Captain Ahab turns to see Moby Dick behind him]

Captain Ahab:
[nearly losing his balance on the front end of the row boat] Whoa- w-w-whoa. So long, Moby Dick. [He throws the spear at Moby Dick. Moby dick catches it, uses it as a toothpick, then kicks the spear away, using his tail. Captain Ahab is now nervous]

Yakko:
Hey, Captain Ahab. Tell Moby all about stomping on him, and making blubber cakes and stuff out of his oil.

Captain Ahab:
[chuckling nervously] Oh, I was just funning the youngsters about all that. I certainly wasn't serious- [swimming away for his life, scared out of his wits] Aah! [Moby Dick chases him, then eats him. Captain Ahab screams. Inside Moby Dick's mouth, Captain Ahab lights a match, then a lantern, and sits down on a broken mast]

Pinocchio:
Say, nice leg.

Captain Ahab:
Get me out of here!

[Moby Dick is swimming away]

Wakko:
So long, Captain Ahab.

Dot:
Enjoy your new home!

Yakko:
Don't play around Moby's blowhole. Alas, we're alone, adrift on the open ocean without food, water, or facial moisturizer.

Wakko:
That's right, kids. Always remember, a moisturized face is a happy face.

Dot:
Isn't there a single ship anywhere that will take pity on us? [sobs] Any ship will do.

[The RMS Titanic, The SS Edmund Fitzgerald, and The S.S. Minnow pull up on all sides]

Skipper:
[offscreen] Hey, little buddies.

Yakko:
We shoulda been more specific.

Narrator:
[in a Sterling Holloway-esque voice] Also in this village, lived the three Warners. The Warners were so poor, they had to sell their only possession. A dried up old cow.

[Cow turns to The Narrator, grunting]

Yakko:
There's the used cow salesman now. Let me do the talking. [Dismouning cow] Excuse me, but would you be interested in buying our cow? Steers like a dream.

Salesman:
Well, uhh... I don't know.

Yakko:
How 'bout buying Wakko? [He holds Wakko up]

Wakko:
Why me? [He shows sparkly eyes]

Yakko:
'Cause Dot gets more letters.

[Dot writes signatures, puts them into letters, then sees Wakko angry at her]

Dot:
I can't help it if I'm c-ute!

Salesman:
Okay, tell ya what. I'll give ya a bean for that cow.

Yakko:
[getting in The Salesman's face] Bean? A bean? You should be ashamed of yourself. Why, she's worth at least, uhh... three beans.

Salesman:
Deal. [He and Yakko shake hands, and holds out 3 beans. The Cow eats the three beans]

Dot:
There goes our 3 bean salad.

[Cow struggles, spits beans into hole. Beanstalk immediately starts grow as The Cow and The Salesman scatter]

Yakko:
[to the viewer] Beans'll do that to ya. [The Warner Siblings scream, and get pushed into the clouds. They get zipped into a bean pod. Yakko unzips, and Wakko spits] Huh. That's the last time I ever travel by bean.

Dot:
[poking Yakko's arm] Look! [She points to the castle]

[The Warner Siblings walk to the castle]

Narrator:
[in a Sterling Holloway-esque voice] And sure enough, The Warners had arrived at the giant castle.

[The Warner Siblings go to door]

Yakko:
Looks like Aaron Spelling's house.

Harp:
[singing offscreen] Free me, free me, Won't you rescue me? The giant sleeps before he wakes. Come in and rescue me.

Yakko:
Are you pretty?

Harp:
[offscreen] Yes!

[Yakko and Wakko look to each other excitedly]

Yakko:
We'll be right there.

[Wakko drags grappling hook out of bag]

Dot:
Is there a handsome man in there too?

Harp:
[offscreen] No.

Dot:
I'll wait out here.

[Wakko throws a grappling hook onto the inside. Yakko and Wakko pull the rope down, making the door fall down. Dot reads a magazine before getting dragged inside by Yakko and Wakko]

Harp:
Please, we must leave before the giant wakes. Lower me safely to the floor.

[The Warner Siblings push The Harp off the table. The Harp screams as she falls. landing on the floor offscreen]

Warner Siblings:
Oops.

[The Harp is irritated. She gasps, seeing Ralph the Giant behind The Warner Siblings]

Ralph the Giant:
A-ha! I got teeny-weenies in my house! [He puts face at level of The Warner Siblings]

[The Warner Siblings panic and shout. Dot points hand, Yakko babbles and bounces, and Wakko spins, then revert]

Warner Siblings:
[calm, enthusiastic] Hi!

[Ralph the Giant picks up The Warner Siblings and the goose and sniffs them]

Ralph the Giant:
Pea-pie-poo-kerplot, I smells Yakko, Wakko, and Dot!

Yakko:
Don't you mean, "Fee-fi-fo-fum"?

Ralph the Giant:
Yeah, but it don't rhymes with "Dot".

Dot:
You know, you really should pluck those unsightly nose hairs. [she pulls a nosehair out]

Ralph the Giant:
Oow! Uh, dat smarted me!

Yakko:
I doubt it.

Ralph the Giant:
Now, I's gonna eat you teeny-weenies. [puts on apron]

Yakko:
Eat us?

Dot:
You don't wanna eat us?

Wakko:
We taste awful.

Warner Siblings:
Bleugh!

Yakko:
Hmm... [clicking is heard as a light bulb appears. He, Wakko, and Dot huddle and whisper among themselves] We know what you want.

Ralph the Giant:
You does?

Warner Siblings:
Uh-huh.

[Wakko makes the goose poop out a golden egg. Yakko cracks it, and pours the yolk and egg white into the pan with heater, then shakes it. Dot gets canned meat out of a tin container, and drops it onto tiny plate while Yakko gets eggs on the plate]

Yakko:
[rhyming à la Dr. Suess] I'm sure you'll love this, have a seat. Here's your meal, gold eggs and meat.

Ralph the Giant:
I does not like gold eggs and meat. It's you who I would like to eat. [He puts a lid over them and takes the plate to the cupboard. He opens the cupboard, only to find The Warner Siblings in it. Yakko is holding a plate of ice cream]

Yakko:
Would you like them À La Mode?

Wakko:
[lifting his hat to reveal a toad] Would you like them with a toad?

[Toad croaks]

Ralph the Giant:
I would not like them À La Mode. I would not like them with a toad. I does not like gold eggs and meat. It's you who I would like to eat.

[Wakko puts his hat back on and pulls down the next scene. Ralph the Giant is on top of a mountain during a rainstorm. Lightning strikes twice]

Wakko:
[holding out a cod] Would you like them with a cod?

Yakko:
[giving Ralph the Giant a metal rod] Holding up a metal rod?

Ralph the Giant:
[holding the metal rod] I would not like them with a cod, holding up a metal rod. [The Warner Siblings jump off him. Lightning strikes the metal rod and Ralph the Giant, exposing his skeleton. He falls off the mountain, landing on the forest] I does not like gold eggs and meat. It's you who I would like to eat.

[Ralph the Giant is on The San Andreas Fault. An arm holding a "San Andreas Fault" sign sticks out then draws back in. The Warner Siblings are standing inside a door]

Dot:
[sprinkling salt on the gold eggs and meat] How about with a dash of salt?

Yakko:
On The San Adreas Fault?

[An earthquake shakes, splitting The San Andreas Fault. Ralph the Giant falls into The San Andreas Fault]

Ralph the Giant:
No, not with a dash of salt, on The San Andreas Fault. [The earthquake reunites The San Andreas Fault, trapping him] I does not like gold eggs and meat. It's you who I would like to eat.

[Ralph the Giant is in Tokyo, Japan. The people are panickedly fleeing from him. The Warner Siblings arrive in a rikshaw, with Wakko pulling the rikshaw]

Wakko:
Would you, could you in Japan?

Yakko:
With Godzilla and Rodan?

[Godzilla (actually The Dragon from "Sir Yaksalot") and Rodan arrive and on each side of Ralph the Giant]

Ralph the Giant:
I would not, could not in Japan, [pushing Godzilla and Rodan away] with Godzilla and Rodan. [Godzilla breathes fire on him, roasting him black. Rodan flaps his wings, blowing him away to an island] I will not like gold eggs and meat. It's-

Warner Siblings:
[in unison] Us that you would like to eat.

[Dot pulls the film reel to the next scene. They are on top of the cloud outside the castle]

Yakko:
Eat them, eat them on a cloud.

Ralph the Giant:
Oh, all right, for crying out loud! [He takes the plate and swallows the meal] Mmmmm! Gold eggs and meat I do not hate.

Yakko:
But now those clouds won't hold your weight.

[Ralph the Giant starts to sink through the cloud]

Ralph the Giant:
Gee, I never thought about that. [He falls through the cloud, crashing into the ground bellow, taking some of the land down with him] Fee-fi-fo-fum, I fall down and hurt my bum.

[Boone has come up with yet another idea to cut down Slappy's tree by crudely disguising himself as a woodpecker]

Dover Boys:
[singing offscreen] Daniel Boone was a big dang bird. Yes, a really big bird. But he didn't know that his disguise was pretty absurd.

Boone:
Quiet, you dadgum idiots! This is a dang good disguise. [laughs] That old squirrel will think I'm just a big woodpecker. I'll chop down this tree right in front of her.

[While using his disguise to peck at the tree, Slappy is serving Skippy when she and the tree get shaken by Boone's pecking]

Slappy:
There's no rest for the elderly. [Opens door] Hey, are you Daniel Boone?

Boone:
Shoot, no! I'm a big woodpecker.

Slappy:
Get out of here with that woodpecker thing there. You're Boone.

Boone:
No, I ain't. My daddy was a big woodpecker, and his daddy before him. Can't you see how I'm a-peckin' at your tree for bugs and such? [Looks innocent]

Slappy:
I guess you really are a big woodpecker.

Boone:
Dang straight!

Slappy:
Then, here, I made you some woodpecker lunch.

[Slappy offers Boone a plate full of live bugs, including a dungbeetle]

Boone:
[nervously disgusted] That's... right neighbourly of you, ma'am.

[Forced to keep up his charade, Boone eats the bugs, his face turning green as his chews]

Slappy:
Yeah, there's nothing like dead bugs mixed with manure, dirt, and rotten bark, eh, Woody?

[Boone finally retches, covers his mouth and runs off into the distance]

Dover Boys:
[singing offscreen] Daniel Boone was a great big guy. Yes, a big sick guy. He lost his lunch all over the trees and sky.

Slappy:
That's nice singing. They remind me of Up with People.

[Boone is seen putting gunpowder underneath Slappy's home tree in an attempt to blow up both her and the tree]

Dover Boys:
[singing offscreen] Daniel Boone was a great big jerk. Yes, a stupid jerk. He had another dumb plan that more than likely wouldn't work.

Boone:
[offended] That ties it! You boys are fired! COME ON DOWN FROM THERE AND GIT!

[A rope ladder drops down from the top of the screen. The Dover Boys - Tom, Dick, and Larry - climb down the rope ladder, revealing themselves to Boone]

Tom:
Hey, what's the big idea? You can't just fire us!

Dick:
Yeah, who do you think you are?

Larry:
Hey, we got rights, you know.

Dick:
Wait a second!

Larry:
We got a contract!

Tom:
Our agent said...

Dick:
Yeah, my agent said the same thing. Come on, this is ridiculous.

Tom:
Yeah, what's going on here?

Boone:
I said, "GIT"! I'm going to blow this here tree and that old squirrel sky high, and I don't need no dang smart-alec chorus!

[The Dover Boys leave, climbing up a wooden ladder out of the tunnel as Boone pours a trail of gunpowder leading from the barrels to just outside the hole. Then he lights a match] If I can't have that tree, then nobody's going to have it! [He lights the match and hides in his wagon. He laughs] Now, there's gonna be a big hole in the ground. I could make it into a root cellar, or a... root cellar.

[The trail burns up and there's a large explosion... under the wagon]

Slappy:
Hey, Boone! I moved all your gunpowder! It was attracting ants!

Boone:
[screams as he's blown into space] Shoot, dang. OH! [He comes crashing back down to Earth]

Slappy:
Yeesh. Bet that left a crater.

Brain:
Do it, Pinky!

Pinky:
Look, the cloud looks like a big pomegranate!

Brain:
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so, Brain, but if they called them Sad Meals, kids wouldn't buy them!

Brain:
Hello in there, Pinky!

Pinky:
Egad, Brain. It worked!

Brain:
[getting angry] Pinky!

Hyde:
Sugar?

Pinky:
No Brain, you'll bop me!

Pinky:
Egad, Dr. Jekkyl's turned himself into that fierce Mr. Hyde again, Brain!

Brain:
Pinky, make me angry!

Pinky:
Brain, I didn't mean for us to fall, I'm sorry!

Pinky:
No, wait, Brain! Narf! I didn't apologize yet!

Brain:
[irate] Pinky, you're making me angry!

Pinky:
Dislodge the pallet... [runs up and pulls at the wrong part]

Brain:
Exactly, Pinky. As they say in rustic circles, bottoms up!

Pinky:
[frightened] Ah, sorry I angered you, Brain!

Brain:
NO, PINKY! The pallet!

Pinky:
Sorry, Brain!

Constable:
4:00!

Brain:
We stop the clock, we stop the world! YES!

Constables and Mr. Hyde:
Tea time!

Brain:
Now...make me mad!

Pinky:
Egad, Brain, brilliant! Wait, no, no...you'd have to be a hulking muscular giant to stop that clock, Brain!

British Guard:
[referring to Brain's beast form] Americans...

Brain:
Yes, if only I could find a way to use that savage strength...

Pinky:
Is it working, Brain? Any changes? You tingling? Itching, feeling anything? Do you, do you, do you?

Brain:
[irate] Quiet, Pinky! You're angering me! Now, please...

[all of a sudden, The Brain is experience tingling and discomfort whilst Pinky backs away, Pinky backs up into the corner, watching Brain grow in size, gaining muscle]

Pinky:
Narf!

Brain:
Hmm, I transformed when you angered me, and transformed back when you apologized. That's it! Anger me, Pinky!


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